Feedback: Please. Be gentle: this is my first fic
Archive: www.the-crypt.net, http://home.att.net/~lubakmetyk/crypt.htm#marieC
Pairing: Spike/Angel
Spoilers: Spike is chipped; Angel is Spike's Sire; No Fred or Connor; Buffy did not die
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Transgender fic, rape
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They belong to Joss Whedon, ME, WB, UPN etc. **Please read "Changes" and "Transition" before this story
Many thanks to Ghostsforge for beta help and answering numerous technical questions.
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~Part: 1~
Angel's stomach growled as he walked towards the kitchen one morning. As he approached, he heard the melodious laughter of his Childe coming from inside the kitchen. He smiled. Cordelia and Spike were likely engaging in the 'girl talk' that they seem to do often. His curiosity got the best of him and Angel used his stealthy skills and enhanced hearing to eavesdrop on the conversation. He decided he could feel guilt over this act later. He was surprised when he realised that Spike was sitting in the kitchen with Wesley.
"Thanks for the cuppa, Wesley." Angel heard Spike say.
"You are welcome, Spike." Wesley replied as he sipped his tea. "So, you are originally from London as well, then? Have you spent time there since you were er..."
"Turned?" Spike interrupted.
"Well, yes. Turned." Wesley fumbled with his glasses. Spike smiled.
"Angelus, Dru, Darla, and I spent a few months there after I was Sired. After we left, I haven't been back."
"All this time?" Wesley was surprised. "Do you miss it?"
"Oh, I don't know. It's not the same place anymore." Spike face reflected a hint of sadness. "But, I guess I kind of have family there now because Giles moved there four months ago."
"Indeed."
Spike asked, "Do you go back?"
"No. My mother is deceased. My father is a leader at the Council of Watchers. He and I do not see eye to eye on many matters. I-I am somewhat of a disappointment to him." Wesley said quietly with his head bowed.
"I'm sorry." Spike sympathetically smiled at the blue eyed, brunette ex-watcher.
"It is all right. After my debacle in Sunnydale as a watcher, I realised that I had to determine my own path. I could not live to seek the approval of an uncaring, rigid father." Wesley paused as he reflected.
"What happened in Sunnyhell?"
"Oh, goodness. I forgot that you were not there at the time. After the Council terminated Mr. Giles, Buffy and Faith were my charges. In different ways, I failed them both. I left Sunnydale after graduation day, became a rogue Demon hunter, and then came to Los Angeles. I have worked with Angel ever since. I feel that in LA, I can redeem myself for my previous shortcomings."
"I guess we all seek redemption for something, pet." Spike quietly added as she sipped her tea.
The two sat in amiable silence as they enjoyed their morning tea. Wesley casually gazed at the beautiful blonde vampire at the other end of the table. He and Spike conversed often over tea lately. He found her fascinating. Her knowledge of Demons and ancient languages proved helpful on many occasions. He thoroughly enjoyed her company. Wesley was cautious, though. He was well aware of Angel's possessive nature. He did not want to give the dark vampire the impression that he cared for her beyond friendship. He may have some feelings for her, but he was an honourable gentleman. He would not act upon them.
Spike noticed how Wesley watched her. She could sense his heartbeat quicken when they talked. The blonde vampire was not sure how to react to this. Wesley was human, but Spike was not frightened of him. He was handsome, kind, sweet, and considerate. She felt safe around the attractive brunette. She was not ready for a relationship with anyone when she was unsure of her feelings for Angel. She loved her Sire deeply, despite all the hurt. But, sometimes, love is not always enough to overcome all obstacles.
Angel stood mesmerised in the lobby some distance from the kitchen. The conversation was innocent enough, but he was surprised that the two had developed such rapport. The depth of the conversation amazed Angel. The dark vampire was jealous. A low growl was emitted from his chest. Angel hoped to develop a new relationship with Spike. A relationship based on equality, not burdened by the lore of the Sire and Childe. Angel found it difficult to break through the protective barrier she had constructed. Spike was very cautious around him. Things had improved, but Angel was hoping for more.
As the doorway to the kitchen swung open, Angel walked through. Wesley and Spike looked up.
"Good morning, Angel." Wesley's face was deep red.
"Wes." Angel looked intently at the ex-watcher. "Spike."
"Hello."
"Spike and I were reminiscing about the motherland and some other things." Wesley explained. He quickly rose from his chair and placed his cup in the sink. "Well, I am off to the rare book store. I am still looking for references on the Tulare Demon from Cordelia's vision last night." Wesley smiled at both vampires and exited the kitchen.
As Angel warmed up some blood, Spike quietly continued to sip her tea. The room was silent. Angel sat down on the opposite end to Spike. Each vampire desired to speak, but neither could find the words. Finally the female vampire spoke.
"I am ready to fight, Angel."
"I know." The dark vampire looked at his Childe and smiled.
"Well, then, why didn't you say anything?" The blonde vampire was annoyed.
"I figured you would tell me when you were ready. Remember, Spike, I promised I would not force anything upon you. We've played that game enough in the past. You are a master vampire in your own right. When you were ready to fight, you would say so."
Spike was surprised to hear those words from her Sire. He could be so confusing at times. In the past, Angelus could always control Spike with certain words before he would break his promises. She appreciated his statement but would continue to proceed with caution. She wanted so much to be able to believe Angel.
"Gunn and I are headed to the sewers. There is a Demon auction later today. There are some weapons we are interested in purchasing." Angel informed Spike. "Do you want to come?"
"That's okay. I'll continue doing research here. Plus, I want to see what Cordy is up to today."
"Well," Angel said as he looked to the floor briefly, "I'll see you later."
"Bye." Spike said as she turned her attention back to the tea.
~Part: 2~
Spike spent the afternoon in Wesley's office researching the Tulare Demon with the ex-watcher. Spike lay on the plush brown couch in the corner of the room, while Wesley sat at his desk surrounded by numerous ancient texts. The book he acquired had given them some insight into how to defeat the creature.
"Oh! I found something interesting!" Wesley exclaimed as he removed his glasses. "A-According to the text, the Demon is simply a lackey or minion for a larger, more fierce creature. It will need to perform a ritual sacrifice to bring forth its master."
"Is it a human sacrifice?" Spike asked quietly as she yawned. The two had been researching for hours and the blonde vampire was extremely tired.
"I believe so, but I cannot be for sure." Wesley answered. "We still have a day to determine the exact ceremony. When Cordelia suffered her vision, she reported that the ritual would take place on the night of the full moon, which is tomorrow evening. To be sure, I should confirm that detail again with her." Wesley looked at Spike and noticed that she was asleep. He did not have the heart to wake her. He left her in the office while he went upstairs to talk with Cordelia.
As Wesley returned to his office, he heard screaming from inside. He immediately knew it was Spike. He ran towards the noise fearful that she was being attacked.
"No, please! Don't touch me! PLEASE! NOOOOO!" The blonde vampire was thrashing around in her sleep, screaming and crying. Wesley stood there frozen for a moment horrified at how violent her dream was. He swiftly ran to her side and attempted to wake her up. She was difficult to control. Finally, he shook her slightly and spoke to her.
"Spike! Wake up, please!"
"AAAAAAH!" She yelled as she bolted upright and her eyes flew open. She was panting and sweating and eyes were muddled with confusion.
"Spike," Wesley gently spoke, "it's okay. It was just a dream."
"W-Wesley?" She asked with a small hopeful voice as her tears poured out of her eyes.
"It was just a dream, see?" Wesley moved closer to the frightened vampire and embraced her. Spike arms latched onto Wesley's waist as if he was her lifeline to her sanity. She cried into his shoulder as he whispered soothing words to calm the trembling female.
"It was so real." Spike cried.
"It's over, Spike. You're safe here. Remember that." Wesley's heart broke for the fragile vampire in his arms. He sat there rubbing circles on her back to calm her. Eventually, she quieted. He gently grasped her shoulders so he could face her. He used his thumb to wipe her tears. "Why don't I take you upstairs to your room. Perhaps you need to rest."
"No! If I go to sleep the nightmares come." Spike said with desperation in her eyes.
"I'll stay until you fall asleep. Okay?" He reassured her. He helped her up, as she was a bit unsteady. He led her up to her room and turned down her bed. As he placed the cover over her, he realised she had already fallen asleep. As he brushed some of her hair out of her eyes, he wiped a stray tear away. As he left the room, he only hoped that the dreams would not return.
As Wesley stepped out of the chamber, he was met with yellow glowing eyes. Angel stood in the hallway.
"Oh, Angel...I did not see you there." Wesley's heart was beating quickly.
"Why were you in there, Wesley?" Angel asked in a calm voice trying to keep a hold on his emotions.
"Spike and I were researching in my office. She fell asleep on the couch and had a nightmare. I brought her upstairs." Angel's proximity to him made Wesley feel uncomfortable. The two friends eyed each other.
"What's going on, Wes? What are you trying to prove?"
"Prove, Angel? I have nothing to prove." Wesley watched the emotions play upon the face of the dark vampire. He saw anger. Angel perceived him as a threat. "A-Angel, we are just friends, Spike and I."
"But, you want more." Angel stated plainly. "I am a vampire, Wes, we can sense these things."
"I care for her, Angel, as a friend. Of course, she is attractive and I enjoy her company. Ultimately Angel, she is meant to be with you." As Wesley said those words, Angel's stance softened.
"I know you care for her, Angel. It may take some time for her to trust you. In our conversations, it is obvious that she loves you. Even the way she looks at you, one can tell."
"I don't know, Wes." Angel sighed as his brown eyes saddened. "How do I begin to build that trust?"
"Time, Angel. It will take time. Be patient." Wesley patted his friend on the shoulder and walked towards the staircase to return to his office.
~Part: 3~
Angel quietly opened the door to Spike's room. He did not want to wake his Childe, but he needed to see if she was okay. Angel thought her nightmares had improved. At night, when the hotel was silent, he occasionally could hear her whimpering in her sleep. This had become less frequent. Each time, though, he wanted to rush to be at her side. But, he realised that he could not push her.
He crept into her room towards her bed. He noticed her shivering and could smell her tears. "Spike?" His voice was soft. "Honey?"
"Angel?" Spike sat up in bed and turned to the dark vampire. Her shoulders shuddered as she continued to cry. Angel sat on the bed and held her gently as she cried.
"I'm so scared...When I close my eyes I can see them...Feel them." She whispered as he calmly stroked her long hair. "Why is it still so hard?" She looked into her Sire's eyes searching for answers. "What's wrong with me? I-I don't know what to do. I d-don't want to remember." Her sobs returned in force. "Help me, please, Angel ..."
"We'll figure this out. Okay?" He gently kissed her on the forehead. "Why don't you sleep." She shook her head no. "Please, honey, you need to sleep."
Spike nibbled at her lower lip shyly. "W-Will you stay with me...until I fall asleep?"
Angel nodded yes. "Promise?"
Angel placed her in bed and proceeded to the recliner in the corner. He could sense the moment she fell asleep. He stayed in the chair the rest of the day and throughout the night watching her sleep. She did not suffer from nightmares that night.
~Part: 4~
Spike's opened her ice blue eyes slowly the next morning. She felt refreshed having slept all night. She yawned as she sat up and stretched her arms above her head. She looked across the room and was surprised to see her Sire still in the recliner. He was sleeping deeply, although he looked very uncomfortable. His large frame did not meld well with the chair. His long legs were draped over the side. Spike smiled at the site. Seeing him in the chair made her feel calm. She quietly walked over to him and softly touched his face. She quickly removed her tiny, pale hand as he stirred.
"Good morning." Angel spoke in a raspy morning voice.
"Hi." She replied with a smile. "You didn't leave."
"No, I did not." Angel replied as he attempted to extricate himself from the chair. He groaned, as he stood upright.
"I guess it's not good for an old bugger to sleep in a recliner all night!" Spike teased.
"Hey, now, respect your elders!" Angel laughed as he attempted to rub the crick out of his neck. His mood became more serious. "How are you this morning?"
"I feel okay. I'm sorry for my little outburst yesterday."
"There is nothing for you to be sorry about. We will find a way for you to deal with what happened."
"Okay. Well," Spike looked around uncomfortably. "I better change. I guess I'll meet everyone downstairs." Spike shyly turned away.
"Um, yeah." Angel shifted as well. "I'll see you downstairs."
Angel entered the kitchen after he dressed and joined the three humans. Spike followed a few minutes later.
"How are you this morning Spike?" Wesley gazed upon the female vampire with concern.
"Better, thanks." Spike took a seat while Angel handed her some blood.
"Tonight is the full moon." Cordelia sipped her coffee. "Is there a plan on how to defeat the Tulane Demon?"
"Tulare Demon, Cordelia." Wesley corrected.
"Whatever, Wesley!" Cordelia snapped back.
"I can't wait to use my new axe!" Gunn enthusiastically smiled. "The three of us will look pretty stylin' with our new weapons."
"Four of us." Angel interjected quietly as he sipped his blood. "Spike is ready to fight."
The two vampires received looks of doubt from the humans. Wesley added, "Are you sure, Angel?"
"It wasn't his decision to make, Wesley." Spike was firm. "My strength has recovered." Spike had her resolve face showing and there were no further arguments.
"Okay, so how do we kill it?" Gunn asked.
"Standard measures, really." Wesley answered as he cleared his throat. "It is simply important to defeat the Demon prior to the human sacrifice. It is an extremely vicious beast. It possesses large claw like appendages that are razor sharp and very dangerous."
"Well, sounds like a peachy time!" Cordelia added to lighten the mood. "Sorry I get to miss the fun! Are you sure you don't want to stay in with me, Spike?"
"Sorry, pet. I'm in this fight." Spike answered with a grin.
"Okay." Angel said. "We'll meet in the lobby at sundown and head out."
~Part: 5~
Spike spent most of the afternoon into early evening alone in her room. She needed time to reflect on the upcoming fight. Spike was excited to finally get a spot of violence. It had been too long. Part of her, though, felt nervous. Was she really ready? Her thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on the door. She slowly walked over to the door and opened it.
"Hi." Spike said with a smile as Angel stood in the doorway.
"Hi."
They stood for a few moments and Spike spoke again. "Is there something wrong?"
"Oh, no. Not at all." Angel sounded nervous as he looked around. "I have something for you."
"Something for me?" Spike smiled widely. "Like a prezzie?"
Angel was taken aback by her beauty, especially when she smiled. "Well, I guess. Um, when I was at the Demon auction yesterday, I, um, bought this for you." From behind his back, Angel produced a magnificent sword. The handle had a beautiful intricate pattern. The sword radiantly shined. Angel looked at Spike to see her reaction. He worried that she might find the gesture silly. He noticed her eyes shining.
Spike carefully reached for the sword and swung it around a few times. She turned back to Angel and smiled. "I-It's beautiful, Angel." She whispered quietly as she fought her tears. "Thank you. This means a lot."
"I'm glad." Angel answered shyly as he walked into the room and closed the door. "I just hoped you didn't think it was a stupid gift."
"No! Never, I love it! No one has ever really given me a present before..." There was a hint of sadness in her voice as she admired the steel in her hands.
"It's an antique piece. I've been researching it for awhile. It was forged in Europe in 1880."
Spike looked up at her Sire with love in her eyes. "1880? Really? You found this for me?"
"I wanted to give you something. I am so proud of how far you have come in the last few months and the last few years. I know it has not been easy. Despite the circumstances that brought you here, I feel so blessed that you are in LA. I know I don't deserve it, but it makes me happy."
"Not TOO happy, though. Right?" Spike asked her Sire only half joking.
"Very happy, Spike. Don't worry, my soul is safe."
Spike pouted. "Am I not worthy of providing perfect happiness?" She was tad annoyed and hurt.
"No!" Angel laughed. "That's not it at all. You make me happy, but I also can never forget how I have hurt you. I will always carry that with me. I acknowledge all parts of myself around you: the Demon and the man. I will never forget who I am, what I am. So, my soul is safe."
"Oh." Spike answered feeling reassured. They stood for an instant watching each other.
"Well, shall we go fight a Demon, Milady?" Angel smiled and raised his arm as he opened the door and gestured for Spike to walk through.
The female vampire smiled back and teased the older vampire. "Poofter!" The two laughed together and headed to the lobby.
~Part: 6~
Angel's car drove to the outskirts of LA. The group was silent, each reflecting on the fight forthcoming. The Plymouth pulled up to a large abandoned factory. Angel heard Spike gasp as he turned off the engine. Wesley and Gunn proceeded to remove the weapons from the trunk. Angel pulled Spike aside.
"Honey," he placed his hand on her shoulder, "if you don't feel up to fighting that's okay."
"T-That's not it. I'm fine really." Spike attempted not to look at the building. She tried to calm herself.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Now is not the time. Really, Angel." She put on a brave face. "I'm fine. Let's go kill something." She grinned half-heartedly. Angel worried about her but needed to proceed with the mission.
"Okay." Angel turned his attention to the whole group. "Spike and I will distract the Demon while you two tend to the sacrifice. Hopefully we can find a weak spot. Make sure to bring the flame thrower."
The group armed themselves and walked towards the building. As they entered, they immediately heard chanting. A pungent odour permeated the thick air. In the corner, stood the Tulare Demon standing in a circle of candles. The language it spoke was unrecognisable. Near the Demon, there appeared to be an unconscious young man tied to a pole. The vampires sensed a heartbeat, so they were not too late. Angel silently motioned for Gunn and Wesley to help the boy while he and Spike went towards the Demon. They hoped for the element of surprise, but suddenly it turned to them. The two vampires were soon face to face with the large, blue creature. The deep red eyes reflected malice and mayhem; the long sharp teeth were intimidating as well. Its claw like hands snapped as the creature snarled at the vampires.
Spike held her sword tightly as Angel swung his axe at the Demon. As a claw reached out and snapped at the blonde vampire, she ducked and rolled to her left. As she stood, she laughed. "Is that all you've got? Come on, you ugly ponce!!" Angel swung his axe and sliced into the right arm of the blue Demon. As it howled and fell to the ground momentarily, Angel was able to notice that Gunn and Wesley safely took the boy outside.
"Spike! The boy is safe, let's kill this thing!"
"Right, mate!" Spike lunged towards the Demon and pierced the left leg. It quickly recovered and suddenly, Spike was kicked and fell to the ground. Angel panicked and ran over to his Childe as he saw a claw nearly slice her. He used his axe to cut off the claw that almost touched his Childe. Blue blood oozed from the wound and fell upon Spike. Angel helped her up and they moved back to recover. "You okay, Spike?" Angel asked while panting.
"Right as rain. But in the words of Cordelia, eek! This blue blood is really gross."
"Okay," Angel said as the Demon approached again, "I'll try to go for the head, while you go for the heart."
As the two vampires lunged for the Demon, it used its intact arm to punch the female vampire. She landed across the room in a pile of boxes. Angel was angry, "You bastard, don't you dare touch my Childe!" Angel was about to pierce the heart but the Demon was quick. It spun around and used its claw to slice into Angel's abdomen. The dark vampire yelled in pain as the Demon picked him up with the claw still in his belly and propelled him against a wall. Angel lay in the corner unconscious, blood pouring from his mouth and from his head.
"NOOOOO!" Spike yelled as her anger and fear caused her face to change into her true form. "You fucking bastard!" She grabbed her sword and attacked the Demon with all her might. She pierced the creature in the leg and then the abdomen. Finally as it started to weaken she was able to finally pierce the heart. The Demon snarled and gurgled. Spike dropped her sword and ran over to the stockpile of weapons the group brought. She picked up the flame-thrower and incinerated the creature. It howled as it died. Spike stood there panting and exhausted watching the Demon turn to ashes. She dropped the weapon and quickly ran to her Sire.
"Angel?" She frantically shook the unconscious vampire as her human mask returned. She slowly put him into a sitting position to ascertain the extent of his wounds. He had a large wound encompassing nearly his entire abdomen. A river of crimson poured from the wound. She removed her jacket to apply pressure to the wound. "Wesley! Gunn! Help me! Please!" She cried out hoping her friends could hear her.
The two ran back into the building to find the two vampires sitting in the corner. "He's hurt! We need to get back to the hotel!"
"Oh dear Lord!" Wesley gasped as Spike revealed the extent of Angel's injuries.
"Come on!" Gunn said. The three lifted the dark vampire and placed him in the backseat. Spike sat holding Angel up. Gunn started the car and they sped home.
~Part: 7~
Cordelia sat in the lobby, awaiting the return of her friends. She heard the door open as she continued to read her magazine, "That was quick!"
"Cordelia!" The urgency of Spike's voice caused the brunette to look up from her magazine.
"Oh my God!" Cordelia rushed over to the unconscious form on the couch.
"Spike defeated the creature but Angel is hurt." Wesley explained.
Spike sat with Angel's head on her chest, tears pouring out of her eyes. "We'll need some human blood. Could someone get some?"
"Cordy? Want to come with me?" Gunn asked.
"Sure." The two left slowly. They were reluctant to leave their vampire friend.
"Wesley," Spike turned to the ex-watcher, "could you help me get him upstairs so I can tend to his wounds?" Wesley nodded yes.
As the two lay Angel down on the bed, Wesley noticed bruising on Spike's face and arms. "Are you going to be okay, Spike?" He inquired.
"I'm fine. Can you find a first aid kit please?" The ex-watcher went to Angel's bathroom and searched the cabinets.
"Please Angel," Spike pleaded, "wake up!" Spike's tiny hand ran over the beautiful pale face of her still unconscious Sire. She continued to hold pressure to the wound. She felt him stir a little as she continued to stroke his face.
"Umphhm." Angel mumbled under his breath.
"Angel?" Spike voice was filled with hope. Wesley returned with some bandages, a water basin, towels, and a first aid kit. "Wesley, he just said something!"
"Good! I'll bring the blood up when they return. Are you okay in here?" Spike nodded yes and returned her attention to Angel.
She slowly proceeded to unbutton his shirt revealing his bloodied torso. The clothes were shredded and were removed easily. She gasped, as she was able to survey the entire damage. She used one towel to continue to apply pressure to the wound and another to wet in the basin. She cleaned the blood from his upper chest and arms. She then used the bandages to wrap the wound. It was not easy. Her Sire was much larger than she was and unconscious. It was like lifting 200 pounds of dead weight. As she completed that task, she heard a soft knock. Wesley entered with human blood bags.
"Ta." She quietly spoke as she took the blood and walked towards the kitchenette.
"Call us if you need anything." Wesley said as he left the two vampires.
"Angel? Please wake up. You need to feed, baby...Angel? Please wake up to feed." Spike sat Angel up against the headboard and attempted to pour blood from a mug into his mouth but he was not conscious enough to drink. Spike was desperate as tears began to fall. Angel needed to feed and would not recover if he did not. She knew there was only one way. It was so intimate though that it scared her. She knew, ultimately, she had no choice.
Spike looked through Angel drawers and found a knife. She drank one mug of blood quickly and repositioned herself behind Angel. She used the knife to slice her wrist and blood began to flow. She held her wrist to his mouth and willed him to drink from her. "Please, my Angel. Drink from me." She quietly whispered. Initially nothing happened but soon, she felt him sucking on her wrist. It had been over a century since Angel drank from Spike. The feeling was absolute ecstasy for the blonde vampire. Her head tilted back while her eyes closed. She felt as though she was one with Angel. She felt electrified as her body floated. Her life-blood flowing into her Sire awakened a feeling she had tried to forget so long ago. Memories flooded through her mind of endless nights of lovemaking between Sire and Childe. They shared a bond that not even Darla nor Dru could even comprehend. Yet, bitterness and solitude also accompany those memories.
When she realised he had stopped drinking from her, she placed him back in a sleeping position and covered him with a blanket. She went over to the couch in a state of shock. She was not prepared to deal with the emotions she felt after sharing her blood with Angel. The thought of falling into old patterns with her Sire frightened her. 'Could things be different? I want it to be different.' She pondered. She did not know the answer. She wrapped her tiny body in a blanket, lay down on the couch, and cried herself to sleep.
~Part: 8~
Spike's eyes darted open the next morning. The events of the previous night were fresh in her mind. She shared her blood with Angel. Spike renewed a connection with her Sire that she had not known for one hundred years. She roughly rubbed her eyes and shook her head to momentarily drive those images from her mind. For the time being, helping Angel recover was her priority.
She stood from the couch and walked over to the king size bed. Angel's translucent, perfect skin on his face had regained some colour overnight. He looked peaceful in his deep, healing sleep. Spike sat next to Angel and gently stroked his hair.
Angel moved slightly. He appeared to be dreaming. A small smile crept across his face, "My Spike..." he whispered. "My beautiful Spike..." his voice trailed off.
The blonde vampire was taken aback by the reverence in his voice. 'He's dreaming about me' she smiled. She touched her hand to his cheek as he slowly opened his large brown eyes.
"Spike?" Angel's tone revealed some confusion. "W-What happened?"
"You were hurt fighting the Demon, but you appear to be better." She continued to caress his cheek.
"Did you kill the Demon?" Angel looked into her eyes as he enjoyed the light touch of her hand stroking his cheek.
"Yes."
Angel smiled with pride for a moment and then appeared to be deep in thought for a few minutes. Finally he spoke in a raspy voice. "You shared your blood with me."
Spike withdrew her hand and looked away. "Yes." She whispered.
He painfully scooted up in the bed to rest his back against the headboard. "Thank you. I knew I felt different this morning, calm, or something. I felt..."
"Angel, please." Spike stood from the bed. "We don't have to talk about it. You were hurt, that's all." She quickly walked over to the kitchenette. "I'll warm up some blood for you and draw a bath. We'll need to change the bandages."
Angel could sense Spike's discomfort with the situation and her fear. She handed him a mug of warm human blood and Angel drank it quickly. Spike disappeared into the bathroom and returned after a few minutes. She helped him from the bed slowly. Angel grimaced with pain with every movement as they limped towards the bathtub.
"Are you going to be fine by yourself?" Spike asked hoping to make a quick retreat.
"Um, yeah. I may need some help out of the tub later."
"I'll be back." Spike rushed from the bathroom and closed the door. She did not want to see her Sire naked. She felt uncomfortable seeing him in that state.
As Angel climbed into the tub, he made every effort not to cry out in agony. He understood Spike's hasty departure. He sensed her fear and uncertainty with the intimate situation and did not want to push her. He slowly washed his wounds with warm soap and water. His injury was large and deep but appeared to be healing well. When he completed washing, he slowly rose from the tub and wrapped a towel around his waste. He still felt a bit weak but being clean was refreshing. Angel opened the door and realised his Childe was still in the room. Spike lay on the couch. Upon seeing Angel, she immediately stood.
"Feeling better?"
"Yes."
"Um...well, let me bandage you again. It seems to help. You're healing quickly." Spike walked to the table containing the supplies while Angel sat on the bed. She sat next to him and proceeded to cover the wound with antibiotic cream. Her hand slowly and gently spread the cream over his lower abdomen. Spike wrapped him in bandages. She was quietly breathing while doing this. Spike attempted to complete this task without looking at Angel. He could smell a slight hint of arousal emanating from the blonde vampire. He closed his eyes as he revelled in the feeling of her cool hand against his skin warmed by the bath. Angel placed his hand on top of Spike's petite one. They looked deeply at each other for a moment and suddenly Spike pulled her hand away and stood.
"Well, I think that's it." Spike looked around the room nervously. "I'll bring some fresh blood up later." She quickly departed.
After closing the door behind her, Spike leaned her back against the front of the door. She panted and perspired while attempting to regain her composure. She walked slowly back to her room.
Angel sat on the bed trying to make sense of what had occurred. He was confused. At times he seemed to make progress in opening Spike up. Nearly every time he touched her, she panicked. He was unsure how to proceed from this point. He walked to his closet and slowly dressed in black sweats and returned to bed to brood.
~Part: 9~
A few days later, Spike and Cordelia were sitting in lobby of the Hyperion looking at fashion magazines. "Spike, you should so buy that outfit! That would look great on you."
"Oi, Cordy! No way! You know I don't wear pink. I'm no fairy. That's such a girly colour!"
"You are a girl, Blondie."
"Oh, right."
Wesley and Gunn entered the hotel with groceries in tow.
"Hey, guys!" Cordelia greeted the two.
"Hello. Spike, they did not have Weetabix, but I did find burbur weed."
"Thanks, Wesley. You know I like my blood a lil' spicy!" She grinned.
"Angel's not with you two?" Cordelia inquired.
"Nope. We thought he was here." Gunn responded.
"Where is he then?" The blonde vampire was concerned.
"I am certain he is fine, Spike. Maybe he had an errand to run."
"That's not like him to not say where he was going." Her voice started to tremble. "What if he got attacked by a Demon or another vampire?"
"What if who got attacked?" Angel strode into the hotel.
"Where have you been, mister?" Cordelia inquired.
"Running errands. Sorry, I left a note." Angel smiled.
Spike calmed immediately when Angel returned. She was able to smile back.
"Gunn and I are going to make dinner. Everyone interested?"
Cordelia chimed in, "Sure, Wesley."
Angel looked at Wesley. "Sure, but I need to talk to Spike first." The female vampire immediately looked at Angel with trepidation. "Can we go upstairs?"
"Okay." Spike answered with uncertainty.
Angel opened his door and motioned for Spike to sit on the couch.
"Angel, you're scaring me. What's wrong?"
"There is no reason to be scared. Um, I've been thinking the last few days." He almost could not concentrate as he gazed into her blue eyes.
"You're always brooding. That's nothing new."
"I don't brood...I think. Anyway, I'm worried about you. Your nightmares haven't gone away. You jump if I try to touch you. You still won't leave the hotel often."
"Angel, please..." Spike attempted to get up but Angel gently stopped her.
"No. Spike, we have to talk about this. I've let this go long enough. I was hoping you would be able to deal with what happened in Sunnydale by being here with our friends and me. But, I realise that is not enough."
"A-Are you sending me away?" Tears threatened to fall.
"No, honey." He touched her face. "Not at all." Angel reached into his coat pocket and produced a business card. "I've been researching the last couple of days to find a Demon psychologist. I found one. Her name is Dr. Brock. I went to her office and talked with her. I get a good feeling from her. I think she will be able to help you."
"You want me to go to a bloody shrink?"
"Honey, she is someone you can talk to. Maybe she can help you deal with what happened."
Spike's head hung low. "What did you tell her about me?" Her voice was quiet.
"She knows about the chip and that you suffered some trauma. I did not give her details." There was no response from the blonde vampire. "Please, Spike. You will never be able to fully heal until you face it."
"I-I'm scared."
"I know. But I'll go with you. You won't be alone. This is the only way you can move on."
"When?"
"Tomorrow evening at 7 o'clock." Angel looked at his Childe and his heart broke. Her eyes reflected absolute despair. Angel did not feel there was any other option. Spike had to face the rape so she could move forward. So they could move forward. He allowed her to absorb the information and then spoke. "Why don't we go eat, okay?" Spike nodded and the two vampires returned to their family.
~Part: 10~
Neither vampire spoke en route to Dr. Brock's office that evening. Spike's body was tense and nervous. She kept her hands on the door handle and face leaned against the window. Angel pulled into the lot and turned off the engine.
"Spike." Angel's voice was calm. "We're here." They sat in silence for a few more minutes until Spike reluctantly opened the door and stepped out of the car. They slowly walked towards the building. They found the correct elevator and descended to the basement floor. As the doors opened, they noticed a yellow Siwe Demon with horns and red lips behind a desk.
"May I have your name, please?"
Angel walked up to the receptionist, "Spike." The female vampire passed the desk and sullenly walked over to the chairs and sat down.
"Dr. Wang, Dr. Tetra, or Dr. Brock?"
"Dr. Brock."
"Here you are. 7 o'clock. Right on time!"
"Actually, Spike is the one sitting down."
"Oh. Okay, please fill out these forms. As far as payment: cash, credit, or first-born spawn? Just kidding!" The secretary snorted.
"Uh, cash." Angel retrieved his wallet and paid. He took the forms over to Spike. "We need to fill these out." Angel looked at the forms. Spike reluctantly took them and started writing. "Spike, make sure under species, you put vampire with a soul so they don't think we will kill them." Spike stopped writing and looked up at her Sire annoyed. "Sorry, I'll shut up."
Fifteen minutes later, the door towards the office opened and a middle aged thin brunette woman called out, "Spike?" The two vampires exchanged looks and got up and walked towards her. She extended her hand towards the blonde vampire, "Hello, I'm Dr. Brock." Her voice was kind and gentle. "It is nice to meet you, Spike. Hello again, Angel."
"Hello, Dr. Brock." Angel smiled.
"Why don't we go back to my office. Angel, why don't you stay out here while Spike and I talk." Spike's eyes immediately were wide with fear as she turned towards Angel.
"I'll be right out here, Spike, okay?" He gently brushed her cheeks. "You'll be fine." Angel worried as he saw his Childe walk away with the doctor. He simply hoped this would help her.
"Okay." Dr. Brock started as she went to a chair. She located a pad and paper and placed her glasses on. "You can sit on the couch or on a chair, whatever makes you most comfortable." Spike sat down and looked at the doctor. Very little emotion played upon her face. Inside, she was screaming.
"Well, Spike is a very unusual name. Is that your real name?" She smiled.
"No." Spike answered as she surveyed the room. The room was decorated in warm colours. The bookshelf contained numerous texts and diplomas. Pictures adorned the walls. "You're a Demon but you don't look like one." Spike said quietly. "You're not a vampire."
"No, I am not. I am half Demon. My mother was human and my father was a Brachen Demon." Her demeanour was friendly and her voice was soothing.
"One of Angel's mates was one too. He died a few years ago."
"Yes, Doyle. I knew him well. We were distant cousins."
"Um, sorry." Spike was getting restless. She stood up and walked over to the bookshelves and read the doctor's diplomas.
"I specialise in both humans and Demons." She watched the female vampire curiously as she perused the bookshelf and finally sat down again.
"My real name is William." Spike said quietly.
"William?"
"Until five months ago, I was a male vampire."
"What happened?"
Spike shifted in her seat. If her heart could pound, it would. A small amount of sweat accumulated on her brow.
"Spike," Dr. Brock calmly spoke, "you can take your time. No one is judging you here. We are just talking."
"I used to live in Sunnydale. I was helping B-Buffy fight. She's the Slayer." She raised her head. "You know what that is?"
"Yes, the Chosen One. You were helping her?"
"I had the chip and I had changed. I kind of have a soul." Spike responded shyly.
"Yes, Angel did tell me about the chip. I knew he had a soul, but you do too? That is fascinating and quite remarkable. So, you were helping the Slayer..."
"We were fighting a MoyaMoya Demon one night and we killed it, but not before it bit me. We didn't think anything of it. The next morning, when I woke up in my crypt, I was a woman."
"How did that make you feel?"
"What?" Spike head rose quickly. "How do you think it made me feel? I was an 123 year old MALE vampire and I woke up one morning a bloody chit!" Spike quickly stood from the chair and paced the room for a few moments to regain her composure.
"I'm sorry." Spike apologised as she walked over to the couch and sat down.
"Have you talked about this with anyone, Spike?"
"No, not really."
"This Buffy. Was she your friend?"
"Yes. But, she was out of town after my change."
"Did you have anyone else to talk to?"
"W-Well, yes. B-But I was...embarrassed. I was scared."
"Were you scared of the others? Who could you have gone to?"
"I wasn't scared of anyone else...I just didn't go to them that's all."
"Did you have other friends?"
"You asked me that already! I said I did." Spike was agitated.
"Why don't you tell me about them." The doctor maintained a calm tone.
"Well, there's the whelp. I mean Xander. He's okay. He has a girlfriend, Anya. She's an ex-Demon. There's Red. She's a witch. And her bird is also a witch. And there's Giles..." Spike paused and smiled.
Dr. Brock noted the change in Spike's demeanour when he mentioned the last name. "Who is Giles?"
"He was Buffy's ex-watcher. He's a good person. I lived with him for a time after I first got my chip about two years ago. I was still evil, but he took me in and helped me."
"You seem fond of him."
"I am. He was the first human who was kind to me after I was neutered. I didn't deserve his compassion, but I'm grateful for it." Her eyes sparkled at the memories.
"Is he in Sunnydale?"
"No, he moved back home to England." Spike's head hung low as she ran her hands through her long hair.
"You miss him?"
"Yes."
"You consider him like a father figure to you?" She watched Spike's face as she asked the question. A myriad of emotions passed over her face.
"Well, yeah."
"That's good that you have that kind of support."
"But, I was too scared to go to them after I changed. I don't know why." She shook her head.
"It's okay, Spike."
"No it's not!" Spike darted off the couch. "If I hadn't been so bloody stupid I may not have..." She stopped herself mid sentence as her tears began to roll down her face. She turned away from the doctor. She felt a light touch on her shoulder and turned back again. The doctor offered some tissue.
"Thanks." Spike took the tissue and sniffed.
"Spike, something happened to you. I know it is hard to discuss it, but it may be beneficial to talk about it."
"I c-can't."
"Take your time." The kind doctor reassured her.
They sat in silence for ten minutes. As Spike sat there, she realised that she was tired of the nightmares and of tears, tired of the fear of travelling beyond the safety of the hotel, and tired of fearing the touch of her Sire.
Spike's fingers nervously twirled her hair. "I was in my crypt for two days before I left. Xander had even come by but I hid. I was so bloody hungry, so I went quickly to the butcher shop to buy some pig's blood." Spike sat there wringing her hands trying to keep them steady. She was panting and her voice trembled with every word. "As I was walking back to my crypt, I had to pass a local bar in town. S- Six mortals were coming out of the front as I passed by. They were drunk and stumbling about. T-They started w-whistling at me and calling me names and things." Tears rolled down her pale cheeks unchecked.
"You don't need to rush. Take your time."
"I held on to my grocery bag and just kept walking. I was so scared. Me! William the Bloody was scared. It wasn't me anymore though, you know? As a man, I may have been able to intimidate them or something. Suddenly I was a woman. I saw the looks in their eyes as they stared at me. I started to run, but one of them caught up to me." Spike was sobbing. "I couldn't get away. I couldn't fight back! Every time I tried, my chip went off and my head wanted to explode...I can't! I can't talk about it anymore! Please!" Spike was in shock. Her knees were drawn up as she rocked back and forth.
Dr. Brock watched her with great concern. She realised the depth of Spike's trauma was significant. She cautiously approached the frightened female vampire and carefully touched her shoulder. "Spike? Would you like to me to get Angel?" Spike nodded yes.
The psychologist left her office and closed the door behind her. She appeared in the waiting room. Angel stood immediately.
"How is she? Has she said anything?" Angel's voice was panicked.
"Angel, I am going to bring you in the room. If Spike chooses to continue to disclose what happened to her, then I will allow you to stay. If not, then you can take her home and we can schedule another session. Normally, I have a confidentiality agreement with my clients. What we discuss is between my patient and I. However, if it helps to have you in the room, then I feel more comfortable discussing her case with you. I want you to understand, though, that it may be difficult to handle what is said."
"I understand."
"We were discussing events in Sunnydale, and she became very upset."
"I know she was raped, Dr. Brock."
"Yes, I'm sure you do. Well, I will give you a few moments alone before I return."
Angel went swiftly to the office. "Spike?"
Spike sat on the couch staring. "Angel?"
The dark vampire took his Childe in his arms as she cried. "Shh, baby, it's going to be okay. She's a nice doctor. She wants to help."
"I know." Spike quietly whispered. "But, it's so hard to talk about."
"I'm here. You want me to stay?" She nodded. Angel grabbed her gently by the shoulders to look at her and wipe her tears. He kissed her forehead as Dr. Brock returned.
"Everyone okay in here?"
"Yes, doctor." Spike said as she sat up straight on the couch.
"Are you up for continuing?"
"I t-think so." She nervously eyed Angel.
"Spike, are you comfortable talking about this in front of Angel?"
She paused for a moment. "I t-think so." She grabbed Angel hand for support. Spike sighed as lone tears escaped from her eye. Her voice was quiet. "The one man grabbed me and tried to talk to me. I asked him to let me go. He shouted to his friends and told them I was playing hard to get. So, they all came over. I tried to run!" Spike voice was rising. "I was screaming as I tried to fight back because my head was hurting. They thought I was trying to scream for help. One man put his hand over my mouth and they all started laughing and said they needed to teach me a lesson." Spike paused as she was trying to calm down. She withdrew her hand away from Angel and looked away.
"They tied my hands together, threw me in the back of a van, and drove somewhere. I thought they were going to kill me. Next thing I know, they dragged me out of the back of the van. We were in some sort of abandoned factory and I was surrounded by these six men." Spike was crying uncontrollably and gasping for air. Angel wanted to intervene but Dr. Brock motioned for him to not step in at this crucial time.
"They came towards me and I pleaded with them to let me go. One man pulled me off the ground and ripped my clothes off. I stood there naked, exposed to all of them and they just laughed. I tried to run but they surrounded me. Taunted me. Laughed at me. I was so scared." Spike paused again.
Angel sat there with his cheek trembling. His Demon wanted to emerge. He felt like letting Angelus come out to play. A look from Dr. Brock encouraged Angel's Demon to retreat, at least momentarily.
"He threw me to the ground...he smelled like sweat and beer...h-he started roughly kissing me all over and then..." Spike was gasping, "... and then h-he r-raped me." Spike's hands grasped her head as it shook. "They just laughed and all took turns. They raped me over and over again. They made me suck their cocks while they threatened to kill me. I felt like I was choking! Others stuck their cocks in my bum. It hurt so much and they didn't even care! They enjoyed it. After a while I didn't even know where I was..." Spike began to rock again as her eyes became vacant.
"I was in so much pain and was so angry that I vamped out! They were taken aback at first and when they realised what I was, they started beating me and burning me with their fags. I-I pleaded with them but it made them hurt me even more."
Spike's affect was completely flat as she continued. She stared at the wall. "I was in so much pain that I passed out. When I came to, it was morning and the sunlight was burning my hand. I stayed there all day and as soon as night came, I dressed and went back to my crypt. I don't know how long I was there when Angel found me."
The room was silent. Dr. Brock processed the depth of trauma Spike endured. Tears streamed down Angel's face as he watched his Childe. The female vampire had moved as far away on the couch from Angel as she could. She did not want to see his reaction.
"Spike," Dr. Brock's voice pierced the silence, "I am very proud of you for sharing your experience. That was not easy. You are dealing with two traumas right now: your gender change and your rape. It will take some time for you to heal. It is sometimes difficult to be patient while your mind and body heals. But, you have taken the first step by talking about it. Would you like to come back tomorrow evening?"
Spike nodded. "Is there a bathroom here? I'd like to wash my face." Spike couldn't look at Angel.
"If you go outside the door, down the hall and to the right, there is the restroom." Dr. Brock watched the interaction between the two vampires. Spike kept her head low avoiding the gaze of her concerned Sire as she left the office. The psychologist handed Angel some tissues to dry his face.
"Thank you." Angel whispered.
"Had she shared those details before with you Angel?"
"No." Angel's eyes were filled with despair and sadness over what his Childe had endured.
"It was extremely important for her to share what happened to her. It is the first step of her recovery."
"I don't know how to help her. I should have been able to..."
"Do you blame yourself, Angel?"
"No, I mean yes... I don't know." Angel stood up to walk around the room. He walked over to the bookshelf, his back to the doctor.
"If I may ask, Angel, what is the nature of your relationship with Spike?"
Angel turned toward Dr. Brock. "I am Spike's Sire."
"Oh." She now began to understand the complex relationship between the two vampires in her office. "Were you in Sunnydale?"
"No."
"How could you blame yourself then?"
Angel paused before answering. "Because I haven't been there for him, I mean her in a very long time. I have failed my childe."
"Angel, I believe it will be important for Spike to continue therapy. Also, I feel you should participate as well. It is obvious you two care for each other but I detect that your relationship is very complex. You will both have to work on your 'inner Demons', for lack of a better word, before you both can move on."
The doctor continued, "After reliving such a trauma, it is not unusual for the next few days to be rough. I assume she has nightmares?" Angel nodded. "They may worsen, especially tonight. She may need your support."
"I want to be there for her. But, every time I even innocently touch her, she flinches." Angel sat with his hands wringing together.
"Spike may not need you in a physical sense. She may not be ready to be touched Angel. She also may not feel worthy of being touched."
"Why? She did not do anything wrong. Why is she not worthy?"
"After such trauma, Angel, the person may feel worthless and blame him or herself. She is scared how she will be perceived. Just be there for her in the capacity she allows."
At that moment, Spike returned to the office, avoiding the gaze of the others.
"Okay, Spike." The doctor went to her desk to pick up an appointment book. "How about the same time tomorrow evening?"
"Okay." She responded quietly.
"Are you ready?" Angel walked towards her but respected her space. The two vampires quietly walked back to the car.
~Part: 11~
As the two vampires entered the empty lobby, Spike quickly headed towards the stairs.
"Spike," Angel started, "Are you okay?" The dark vampire looked upon his Childe with worried eyes. She was too quiet.
"I'm fine, Angel. Just a bit knackered." Spike responded with her back to Angel. She seemed distant with her response and not too convincing.
"I'm glad we went tonight. Aren't you?"
"Yeah." The blonde vampire responded quietly as she walked up the stairs to her room. She closed her door and locked it. Spike absently disrobed as she walked towards the bathroom. The hot water pierced her cool body like a knife. She grabbed the soap and started scrubbing her female form. She let out a gasp and the tears started to flow. No matter how hard she scrubbed she did not feel clean. She could still smell the men surrounding her. After some time, she realised her fingers bled from washing. She slowly crouched down as she cried and sat for an hour under the stream.
Angel sat in his office feeling helpless. He could only hope that taking his Childe to the psychologist would help her heal. He did not know what else to do.
As Spike attempted to drift asleep, images continuously flashed into her head. As she started to panic, she jumped off the couch and headed towards the window. She wrapped her arms around her thin frame as she looked upon the lights of Los Angeles. Her desperation gnawed at her stomach. 'What am I going to do?' she thought to herself. She wanted to run into Angel's arms and have him take all the pain away. But, she could not. After her disclosure, Spike wondered if Angel would even want her. She felt tainted and disgusting. Her sire would never desire to touch her after hearing what happened to her. She was a neutered vampire not able to defend herself against mortals. She was a failure, an embarrassment to the Line of Aurelius. 'This isn't right. I am supposed to be a master vampire.' Her conflicting thoughts raged a war in her mind. 'I deserved this. For all the things I did before. I'm nothing.' She shook her head to drive those thoughts away as she crouched in the corner. She felt so alone.
Spike awoke the next morning as she heard a knock on the door. She rose from the cold floor to open the door. Angel stood with two mugs in his hand. He smiled as he started to enter her chamber. The blonde vampire, however, did not move aside.
"Spike?"
"I'm still tired, Angel. I was sleeping." Spike's tone was devoid of any emotion.
"It doesn't look like you were sleeping in the bed." Angel answered as he peeked into the room and noticed her bed linens were unruffled. When he did not receive any response, he continued. "I brought some breakfast. I thought you might not come downstairs this morning."
"Thanks." She said as she grabbed the mug and started to close the door.
"You don't want me to stay?"
"No. I want to be alone."
Angel was visibly hurt but he wanted to comply with her wishes. "I'll check on you later." He turned and walked towards the stairs.
Spike looked at the contents in the mug and went over to the bathroom and poured the crimson fluid into the sink. As she ran the water to rid the white porcelain of its red hue, she gazed into the mirror that could not reflect an image of her. Her thin pale fingers traced the lines of her face. She touched her eyes, cheekbones, and her lips realising that she did not even know what she looked like. She stroked her long honey blonde locks as she lowered her head to notice the contours of her now female body. She did not understand why all this had happened. She stood there as her tears flowed, staring into nothingness.
~Part: 12~
Spike spent the next four days confined to her room. She did not allow any visitors except to receive a mug of blood at her door. Her worried friends sat in the kitchen contemplating how to handle the situation.
"Angel, you have to do something!" The brunette seer had tears in her eyes.
"Cordelia, I'm trying. But short from barging into her room with force, I don't have a lot of options!" He was desperate. "She won't let me in; she won't go back to the doctor's office. I have to try something soon, though."
"Did you call the shrink, man? Maybe she can give some ideas."
"I did. She said Spike would come around in her own time. She did tell us to keep an eye on her."
"Perhaps that is all we can do, Angel." Wesley stated. The group sat in silence realising that they were unable to comfort each other with their words.
"I hate to change the subject, guys, but remember the nest of vamps from Cordy's vision? We should probably get ready."
"You're right, Gunn. Let's get going." Angel stood up. "Cordy, see if you can talk with her while we're gone. She needs to feed anyway."
"Sure. Be careful, guys." She answered as she walked towards the kitchen to warm up Spike's dinner. Cordelia slowly ascended the stairs. She knocked quietly at the blonde vampire's door.
"Spike? Please open up. It's me, Cordy. I have some dinner for you." The door opened slightly to reveal her sickly, pale friend. "Hi." She said quietly as she extended the mug towards her friend.
"Ta." The door slowly started to close.
"Spike, wait!" Cordelia's outstretched hand prevented closure of the heavy door. "Please, talk to me. Let me help!" She pleaded with her friend.
Spike sighed. "I just want time alone, pet. To think, okay? I'm fine."
"No, I don't think you're fine. We are all worried. Angel is beside himself!"
"Angel is worried about me?" Her voice had a semblance of hope.
"Of course he is! Why would you think otherwise?"
Spike's head lowered to the ground. "Look, I'm peachy. Thanks for dinner." Spike closed the door. As she turned back into her room, she went towards the bathroom. In the corner was a collection of mugs containing blood from the last few days. She placed the mug on the ground with the others. She was pale and weak but had no desire to feed. Spike wobbled towards her bed to lie down. As she sat on the bed shivering, she looked at the nightstand. She opened the drawer and took out a letter that was addressed to her. She withdrew the contents of the envelope and stared at a phone number for some time. Her hand shook as she slowly dialled the number. She realised she was panting heavily in anticipation. She heard a click and held her breath.
"Hello?" Spike's eyes closed as she heard the familiar voice. "Hello? Is anyone there? Hello!"
"G-Giles?" Her voice was cracked.
"Oh, goodness, Spike! I was wondering if it was a prankster. How are you?"
"Fine." She replied trying to maintain her composure.
"Angel? The others?"
"Fine." Tears rolled down her cheeks. "I-I just wanted to say hi."
The tone of her voice worried the ex-watcher He could tell she was crying. "I'm so happy you called. I've been thinking about you." There was silence on the other end. "Spike, are you sure you are okay? Did Angel do something?"
"Angel is the same. He hasn't done anything to me." Her chin trembled and she covered her eyes with her hand.
"So, what is it then?" Giles was now very concerned.
"It's nothing. I just wanted to say hi, that's all." Her voice trembled.
"I am continuing my research into the Demon bite. Unfortunately, there is not much information. How are you feeling about it?"
"I guess I'm used to it by now."
"Good. But, I will not rest until I can find out more."
"Don't worry about it. I've accepted it." Again there was silence; Spike then continued. "I-I just wanted to thank you for everything you did for me. I didn't deserve it. I was a monster and you saw past that."
"Spike, you are scaring me. What's wrong?" Giles voice panicked.
"I need to go now." Spike voice was very quiet.
"Wait, Spike. I know something is not right. I cannot help you if you do not talk to me."
"Please don't worry...I'll always love you, Giles." She hung up the phone before Giles could respond.
~Part: 13~
Spike was in a trance-like state after completing the phone call. She stood up and walked to the bathroom. Spike turned the shower on, followed by the faucet. She splashed cold water on her face and roughly wiped with a cotton towel. Her anger began to build as she stared into the void in front of her. She balled her hands as she let out a feral scream. Her fist attacked the mirror with all her might. Broken shards of glass sailed around her. Spike laughed eerily as she looked upon her bloodied hands. Pain. That was all she knew from her life and unlife. She was tired of it; she wanted to rest. She sank to the ground sobbing as her hands continued to bleed. Spike absently picked up a large piece of glass and stared at the object for some time. She felt as though nothing was real around her. She just wanted all her pain to go away.
~~~*~~~
Giles sat in his library contemplating the conversation with Spike. She sounded desperate and unbalanced. He feared for her safety. He darted out of the chair and walked quickly over to his address book on his mahogany desk. 'Something is not right.' He thought. He found the number to Angel Investigations and dialled.
~~~*~~~
Spike's tears fell as she thought of Angel. Her unlife had been spent loving and hating her Sire. She had wanted things to turn out differently but it was so hard to let go of the pain and hurt. 'If only...' she thought. Her hand trembled as she lowered the piece of glass to her pale wrist. She screamed in agony as she sliced deeply into her skin. She felt such a release as the blood poured from the wound.
~~~*~~~
Giles dialled the number and waited impatiently. "Come on! Somebody answer the bloody phone!"
"Hi! You have reached Angel Investigations..."
"Hello, Cordelia?" Giles was relieved to hear her voice.
"We help the hopeless. Please leave a message after the beep!"
"Bloody hell!' Giles thought as he realised he got the answering machine. He did not leave a message.
Cordelia ran to the phone as it stopped ringing. "Hello? Hello? Um, must be a wrong number." She sighed and went back into the kitchen.
Giles then remembered Angel had also provided a cell phone number.
Gunn, Wesley, and Angel were driving down the road headed back to the hotel.
"Hey, man. Your phone is ringin'" Gunn said as he was flipping the radio stations.
"Thanks. It's probably Cordelia." Angel reached for his phone. "Hello?"
"Angel, this is Rupert." Giles' goal was to maintain his calm while talking to the dark vampire.
"Oh, Rupert. Everything okay?"
"Well, I rather think not. I-I just received a call from Spike. She seemed extremely out of sorts."
"She just called you?" Angel started to panic. "What did she say?"
"It is what she didn't say Angel. She seemed to be crying. She would not tell me what was wrong. I am afraid she is going to do something rash. What has been going on? I thought she had improved. You assured me things would get better if she went to LA."
Angel did not really have a response. He already felt guilty for not helping Spike enough that he did not need to be judged by the ex- watcher. He sighed to relieve the tension that was building. He did not want to fight at this moment with Giles.
"Look, Rupert, Cordelia is with Spike at the hotel right now. We had to clear out a vamp nest. I am on my way back now."
"I called the hotel, Angel, and there was no answer. I do not think you understand. She sounded very desperate on the phone, almost as if she was saying goodbye. You need to get back there promptly. We both know how emotional Spike can be."
"I know." Angel responded as he stepped on the pedal. "I will call you when I know something."
"Yes, thank you. I was planning on visiting Buffy and Spike next month, but I think I will make arrangements to come over as soon as possible."
"Goodbye, Rupert."
"Angel."
The dark vampire closed his flip phone and concentrated on the road. His two companions looked at each other with worried eyes.
"Angel, what did Mr. Giles want?"
"Spike called him and didn't sound very well, Wes. He thinks she is in trouble."
"What kind of trouble?" Gunn asked.
"I don't know. Let's just get back." Angel threw his phone to Gunn. "Call, Cordy. Tell her to check up on Spike."
Angel sped down the road; the night lights were a blur. He needed to get home to make sure Spike was safe.
~~~*~~~
The blonde vampire lay on the cold tile floor absently watching her blood pour from the wounds to each wrist. She made the cuts deep enough to prevent her enhanced vampire healing from immediately closing the wounds. Her body floated as her weakness increased. She gasped for breath that she did not need. Her pale lips smiled slightly as she whispered, "Angel..." Her blue eyes fluttered closed as she drifted out of consciousness.
~Part: 14~
"Spike?" Cordelia banged frantically on her hotel room door. "Open up! Come on, Blondie!" She received no response. The door was locked. She ran downstairs to look for the master key. Her hands shook while sifting through numerous drawers.
Angel flew through the front doors. "Cordy! How is she?"
Tears poured from her eyes. "She's not answering the door, Angel. I'm looking for a key to try to get in."
Angel darted up the stairs with his vampiric speed and pounded on the door for a few moments to see if Spike would willingly open the door. As Angel kicked down the door, he immediately vamped out when he smelled his Childe's blood. He ran to the bathroom and stood frozen as he gazed upon the lifeless, ghostly pale body of his most Favoured Childe. Her body was slumped on the floor lying in a pool of blood that was slowly creeping across the white tile.
As Wesley, Gunn, and Cordelia ran up the stairs, a scream resonated throughout the hotel. When they arrived in Spike's room, they saw a weeping, keening Angel covered with blood rocking his listless Childe. Cordelia gasped as she saw the amount of blood on the floor. She covered her eyes with her hands as she cried. Gunn placed his hand on her shoulder and embraced her.
Suddenly, with Spike still in his arms, Angel stood. He walked over to the bed and gently placed her on the linens. Without turning to face his friends, he spoke with an eerie calm. "Please bring me some towels and gauze."
"A-Angel, I am sorry..." Wesley tried to console his friend as he handed him the medical supplies.
"She's not gone, yet." Angel answered as he proceeded to lick her wounds to help with closure and wrapped them with gauze.
"B-But, all that blood?" Cordelia asked but Angel did not answer. He tended to Spike's wounds.
"Do you need anything, man?"
"No, leave us." He stroked her cold cheek as tears fell from his eyes. The three humans complied and quietly shut the door.
Angel cupped his beautiful Childe's face as tears pored from his dark eyes. "Why? Why couldn't you talk to me? I love you so much. I can't live without you. I have for too long and I don't want that anymore." Angel checked her wounds once again to insure the bleeding had stopped. He sat her up in bed propped against the headboard as he sat in front of her. He kissed her forehead and then a soft kiss to her lips and whispered, "I'm sorry." Angel vamped out and cradled his face in her neck. He lowered his fangs slowly into her jugular and drained Spike to the point of her second death.
Angel gently withdrew his fangs. "Childe, drink from me." Angel dragged his nail down his neck to open his vein. "You will be Reborn." He brought her limp head to his neck and willed her to drink. 'Come on, Baby.' He did not feel any response. He laid her back again and bit into his finger. He gently ran his digit over her lips and inside her mouth to give her a small taste. He then cradled her head against his neck, again. He felt her start to drink his blood at last. The feeling of her drinking from him was sheer joy and exaltation; they re-established their bond. As she finished suckling, he gently placed her back in a sleeping position. He used the towels and a water basin to wash the last remnants of blood from her form. He dressed her in clean linens and pulled the cover over her. She would be in a deep healing sleep for the next few days before she rose again.