The True Face of Love

Author: MarieC

Parts: 11 - 20

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~Part: 11~

Spike woke up in the morning to the sleep warmed embrace of Angel behind her.  The realization of kissing Angel last night gave her an excited flutter in her stomach.  Soon, though, that was replaced with a doomed feeling.  Old insecurities arose as she thought about Angel. She was scared that he would feel their kiss was a mistake or even worse, not even acknowledge it.  She carefully extracted herself from his arms.  As she stood by the bed, she was happy she did not manage to wake him.  She quickly limped to the spare bedroom and showered. She rapidly placed on undergarments, jeans, and a small black button down shirt.  She then placed a few items in a bag.  She was not sure where she was going, but figured she was nearly healed and should probably not outstay her welcome.  As she packed, she did not notice Angel standing in the doorway clad only in his blue, silk pajama bottoms.  As she turned around and slung her bag around her shoulder, she yelped as she saw her Grandsire.  The bag dropped to the floor with a thump.

Angel's eyes traveled down to the discarded object.  "What are you doing, Spike?"  His tone was not angry.  He sounded confused and a little hurt.

"Um...just getting my things together."  Spike answered.  She was avoiding looking at him.

"Why?"  He asked as he moved closer to her.  He was now standing in front of her.  She still refused to look at him.  He gently turned her chin to look up at him.  "I don't want you to leave."  He said. "What is this about?"

"Nothin'..."  She whispered.

"Is this about the kiss last night?"  She simply shrugged her shoulders.  He almost laughed because she looked so cute; she pouted like a little child.

"Are you upset that we kissed?"  She again shrugged her shoulders. Angel forced her to look at him. "Spike, please talk to me.  I need to know what's wrong."

"You aren't upset about it are you?"  She said with wide eyes.

"Not at all."  Angel smiled and walked towards her.  "In fact, I'd like to do it again."  He said as he wrapped his arms around her waist.  He leaned down and captured her lips in a beautiful, but chaste kiss.  Spike sighed as she let all the tension out of her body and melded her body into his.   Angel whispered in her ear.   "Come back to bed."  He grabbed her hand and led the two back to his bedroom.  As they stood in front of the bed, their kissed turned more passionate, building in intensity as time passed.  Angel towered over his petite Grandchilde.  She looked up into his eyes and was surprised at the lustful but loving gaze Angel had.  She felt herself shiver as Angel's hand slowly traveled up her back.  The feeling of his soft touch against her skin made her close her eyes.  Spike could not remember the last time, if ever, that she had been touched with such care.  Angel removed his hands from her back and slowly began unbuttoning Spike's shirt.  The garment floated to the floor.   As he looked upon her, he ran his finer slowly over the perfect lines of her neck and down her shoulders.  He gently slid her lace bra straps down and then adeptly unhooked her bra.  For a moment, Angel stopped when he saw Spike look away.

"What's wrong, honey?"  Angel asked with concerned as he saw Spike wrap her arms around her exposed breasts.

Spike looked as though she was blushing.  "It's jus'...I mean..." Spike felt embarrassed to tell Angel.  The dark vampire paused and then understood.

Spike spoke in a small voice.  "Jus' not used to this body, I guess. Feel like a bloody virgin..."  Her voice trailed off as she chewed on her lower lip.

Angel gently grabbed her arms.  "You're beautiful."  His voice was husky.  "I want you so badly, Spike.  But, I can wait until you are more comfortable."  He stroked her cheek.

The blond vampire smiled as Angel said those words and proceeded to wrap her arms around his neck and lean up for a kiss.

"Are you sure?"  Angel asked her.  Spike nodded.

He nudged her to lay down on the bed.  Spike propped herself up on her elbows as she watched Angel unloosen his pajama bottoms.  They fell to the floor and Angel leaned over the bed and helped Spike rid herself of her pants.    Spike gasped as she saw Angel's arousal and again when he lay on top of her.  He buried his face in her neck and inhaled the wonderful scent of his Grandchilde.  "Spike...you smell so good." Angel practically hissed.  He licked her neck in the spot where Spike was sired.  That elicited a groan from the blond vampire.

"Sire..."  She said as she began to pant.  Angel's hand slowly moved down her toned body.  He moved off of her slightly and laid to her right side.  He kissed her chest and then her flat abdomen.  He looped one finger through the side of her lace thong and pulled it down her legs and discarded it on the floor.  He continued to worship her body with small kisses.  Angel looked up at Spike's face and smiled as he smelled her arousal building.  As he trailed his finger down her belly he let it rest in a nest of curls.  He gently parted her legs.  As he started rubbing her clitoris, Spike practically jumped off the bed.

"Gods, AAAAAngel..."  She began moaning and arching into his touch. Her body was on fire.  This was a new feeling for her.  It was incredible.  And when she found she could barely form words, Angel replaced his finger with his tongue.

"Holy shit!"  Spike yelled as she felt her body building towards climax.  She grabbed Angel's hair and then the sheets; anything she could find at the moment.  "Sooo good..."  She panted and gasped. She neared her climax as Angel continued to tongue her sex.   With one last flick of his tongue, Spike arched up as she had a powerful orgasm.  She lay back heavily against the pillow as she breathed heavily.  Angel was beside her at the head of the bed.  He smiled as she opened her eyes and looked at him.  He thought how beautiful she looked with flushed skin and kiss swollen lips.  She was a goddess.

"Pet...that was...wow..."  Spike couldn't form words.

"So, is that what it takes to render you speechless?"  Angel joked as he sucked on her breasts.  Spike placed her hands in his surprisingly soft hair and trailed them down his neck.  As Angel returned to kissing her mouth, she again lost all rational thought.  When she felt his erection at her entrance she tensed a bit.  Angel looked at her.

"It's going to hurt?"  She asked.

"I'll try not to hurt you, baby."  He said as they continued to kiss. Again he spread her legs apart.  He couldn't wait to slide into her. He went slowly, attempting to hurt her as little possible.  She was sufficiently wet but gasped as his large length continued to become buried within her.  Angel smelt a little blood, but was encouraged by Spike grabbing his hips and moving them forward.

Angel gasped when he was fully sheathed within her. "Jesus...Spike..." His voice when dry.  "So tight..."  He moaned as he started moving in and out.  The two vampires  were joined and moved together as one. Angel continued to move faster as the intensity built.  As he neared his climax, he saw Spike offer her neck to him.  He dropped his fangs and buried them into her neck.  He then arched back and roared as his orgasm hit him.  Underneath, Spike enjoyed her second orgasm as well as she shuddered.   As Angel came down from his high, he rolled off her.  He gathered her into his arms as the two vampires breathed heavily.  He kissed her head and reveled in the closeness.  As Angel's eyes fluttered, he whispered,  "I love you..."  and the two vampires fell asleep.

~Part: 12~

Spike began to stir a few hours later.  She felt Angel's arms hold onto her tighter to prevent her movement.  She smiled.

"Don't move..."  Angel playfully ordered Spike as he lay behind her. "What time is it anyway?"  The dark vampire said sleepily.

Spike turned a bit towards the nightstand.  "Um.  9:05."

"What?!"  Angel said as he shot up in bed.  "Crap!"  He said as he leapt out of bed and then tripped on the bed sheet.  He fell with a thump onto the floor.  Spike chuckled as she stretched her arms above her head.

"Graceful, pet."  She smiled brightly.

"I have a conference call at 9:30."  Angel complained as he rushed into the bathroom.  He did not take long.  Fifteen minutes later, he was showered and dressed.  He joined Spike in the kitchen and nodded his head as Spike handed him a mug of blood.  He smiled at her as she stood there drinking her blood wearing his shirt.  It was so oversized that it reached below her knees.  He had to concentrate and push away the desire to take her back to bed.

"Alright."  He said as he downed the contents quickly.  "I'll see you. Are you coming down later?"  He asked.

"Yeah, maybe I'll come to the group meeting."  She smirked.  "If you're lucky!"

He embraced her and kissed her nose.  "You better!"  The two vampires laughed  and kissed for a few minutes before Angel finally tore himself away.

*

Spike slept until noon.  She slowly rose and showered.  As she dressed, she felt a nervous flutter in her stomach.  She and Angel had crossed a line that morning.  She heard him say he loved her after they made love.  She smiled briefly at the memory.  What happened when she left the comfort of the penthouse?  Would they return to their usual banter in front of the others?  Would Angel deny their relationship like Buffy had done to him?  Spike's legs felt weak for a moment as she reached out with her arm and lowered herself to the bed. She chewed her nails as she decided whether to go down to the offices.  She took a deep breath and steadied herself.  'It's different this time.'  She thought.  'Isn't it?'  She placed her hands over her eyes and shook her head.  "Don't be such a ninny, Spike." She said out loud as she forced herself to stand.  She limped over to her cane and walked slowly over to the elevator.  With each step, her nerves increased.   She reluctantly pressed the button and the doors to the elevator opened.   As they closed in front of her, she stood for about a minute before pressing the button to exit in Angel's office.  "Well, no turnin' back now."  She mumbled.

As she left the security of the elevator, Spike turned her head to the left and saw the entire group congregated at the large meeting table. They were in the midst of a discussion.  So, Spike quietly grabbed a seat at the opposite end of Angel.  Fred turned to her and smiled as she noticed the blond vampire take the seat next to her.  Spike did not look at Angel; she tried to concentrate on what Wesley was saying.

"Angel, I simply worry that we have been distracted from our true mission by dealing with some of the unsavory aspects of the Firm. Half of our time is spent defending characters that would have been our enemies prior to coming here."  The Ex-Watcher stood and placed his hands in his pockets.  "Do you not see this?"

Angel had a pained look upon his face.  He spoke defensively.   "We all had our reasons for coming here.   We knew it would be a challenge."  He sighed.  "And we are doing some good.  Gunn?"  The dark vampire looked to his legal eagle for some support.

"Granted, our methods have changed."  The handsome vampire hunter began.  "But we have managed to do an inordinate amount of good works." He shrugged.  "Sometimes, I miss the old days though.  Mixing it up; getting our hands dirty.  But all in all, I think we do good work here."

Wesley stood there with an angry look on his face.  "And your legal brain upload certainly contributed to your fondness for this place, eh Gunn?"

Gunn stood and walked over to Wesley.  "If you have something to say, English..."  He growled.

Fred spoke with a worried but warning tone.  "Wesley..."

Lorne interjected before things escalated.  "Come on, friends.  We're all in this together."

"I agree, Lorne.  Wes?"  Angel turned to the figure now staring out the window.  Wesley nodded his head and took his seat.  Gunn followed suit.

"Good."  Angel said as he looked down at his notes.  As his head rose, he briefly eyed Spike to smile and noticed she was looking away. "Now, about the Schukack demons?"

Wesley sighed and then responded.  "Yes, I believe they are preying on innocent demons just outside the city.  We need some more reconnaissance.  There are a few people in my department that may be up to the challenge."

"Hey!"  Spike interjected as she turned to the group.  "Recon is my job.  Remember, Percy?"

Wesley was taken aback.  "W-Well..."  He was not sure how to respond. "Since, your illness..."  He trailed off when he noticed the fire in her eyes.

"Spike."  Angel started.  His voice was not forceful or annoyed like in the past.  "We are confident that when you are stronger, you can continue with that work."  He continued quickly as he saw her open her mouth to speak.  "I don't want to see anything interfere with your recovery."  He smiled at her and was pleased to see her return it.

"Fine."  She huffed almost playfully.  Everyone in the room noticed the thawing of their relationship.  Fred lightly kicked Spike under the table.  She smiled brightly at her friend.

"Okay, assign recon to your department, Wes.  Anything else?"  The dark vampire looked at his watch and then surveyed the room.  "I have another meeting in five minutes."    Angel said with little enthusiasm in his voice.

"With whom, Angelcakes?"  Lorne asked.

"Hamilton.  Our liaison to the Senior Partners."  Angel rubbed his eyes to relieve the tension in his head.

The group dispersed and left Angel's office.  Spike hung back and watched Angel as he walked to his desk.  She frowned with worry as she noticed the posture of her Grandsire.  She went to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.  Angel smiled as he lifted her up and hugged her like his life depended on it.  After he set her down, Spike looked up at him.  "You okay, Pet?"  Her voice was filled with concern.

"Yeah."  Angel shook his head.  "Sometimes...it's just...this place."

Spike remembered when he first returned as a ghost and berated Angel about fighting within the belly of the Wolfram and Hart beast.  She still believed this was true.  She could not understand why Angel could not see it as well.

"Angel."  Spike hesitated.  "Maybe Percy was right?"  She was taken aback as Angel quickly turned away and hung his head.  Her small hand turned his head back towards her.  "Luv?"  Spike felt fear in her heart as she watched Angel.  "Why did you come here?"  Her bright blue eyes tried to seek the truth as she continued to stare at him.  "You can tell me."

Angel did not speak.  Instead, he kissed her forehead and then chastely kissed her lips.  Spike tried to speak again but was interrupted when Gunn burst back into Angel's office.

"Angel.  About the deposition tomorrow..."  He trailed off when he saw the two vampire in a lover's embrace.  "Um...sorry."  Gunn said as he blushed with embarrassment.

Spike's eyes were wide and she quickly tried to disengage herself from Angel when Gunn entered the room.  Angel continued to hold her tight. He quickly kissed her forehead and turned to Gunn.

"Why don't you come back later, Gunn.  Okay?  I'm a bit busy right now."   He said with a smile as he looked down at Spike again and kissed her on the lips.

"Uh...sure."  Gunn said as he hurriedly left the room.

Spike's lips were tense as she pulled back from Angel.

"What?"  The dark vampire said.

Spike looked at Angel and could not even answer him.  She saw love shining in his eyes and her undead heart jumped for joy.  For the first time in Spike's existence, the blond vampire felt truly desired. It nearly brought tears to her eyes.

"Nothing."  She finally responded.  "Just kiss me, Peaches."

~Part: 13~

Spike sat in front of the TV like she had on many nights over the last few weeks: alone.  She felt back up to her normal strength, but Angel would not allow her to fight or perform her past duties.  Now, she helped Wesley or Fred with research when needed.  But that was few and far between these days.  The cohesion of the group seemed to be disintergrating.  Everyone was preoccupied with their own departments.

Angel spent many hours in his office.  When he returned, he seemed stressed out and angry.  He was easily distracted and surprisingly, Spike was not the only one who noticed.  Wesley had his own concerns. He relayed to Spike the other day that Angel seemed to be concentrating on demon clients rather that helping the helpless. Wesley had attempted to meet with him over a case of interest and Angel told him that they did not have time for trivial things.

Spike tried to confront Angel, but the dark vampire dodged the concerns or changed the subject all together.

Instead of moping in the penthouse and feeling sorry for herself, tonight Spike decided to go downstairs to Angel's office.  Before leaving, she dressed in low-cut pants, a tight shirt that revealed her toned belly, and chunky heeled open toed shoes.  Fred and Harmony insisted that she would look hot in the outfit.  She checked herself as well as she could and began the journey downstairs.

Spike exited the elevator and watched her Grandsire from behind for a moment before walking up to his desk.  Angel sat at the large mahogany structure buried behind mountains of paperwork.  He seemed to be intensely reading something, when he sensed Spike in the room.  He looked up and nearly groaned when he saw her outfit.  Spike pushed some papers aside and sat on his desk.  She placed her feet in between his legs as he sat on the large leather chair.

Spike tried to smile.  She did not know why she felt so nervous. Angel's features looked drawn.  Clearly the stress of the job was impacting him.

"Pet."  She hesitated.  "I thought..."  She dropped her head for a moment.  "I thought that maybe we could spend some time together tonight."  She gazed around at the desk.  "Maybe some of this could wait."  She looked at him with hopeful eyes.

Angel looked into those crystal blue eyes and was nearly tempted.  But he knew that he had a job to do.  Before answering her, he turned his gaze back to his paperwork.  "I've got too much to do, Spike."  He said with a tinge of anger.

"What is wrong with you?"  Spike asked.  She was so puzzled by his behavior.  She had noticed a worsening over the last month.  She felt desperate.  "Why can't you talk to me?"  She took a deep breath. "This job is killin' you, Angel!  And I'm not the only one who's noticed.  Do you even care what I think?  What they think?" She leaned back a bit when Angel looked up at her.  His eyes were cold.

The dark vampire stood up and roughly grasped Spike by the shoulders and swung her legs into his arms.  He walked around the desk and proceeded to plop her on the couch.  He stood over and menacingly said, "If I gave a shit what people think, I would ask."  His tone was so Angelus like that Spike shivered with fright.  "I have work to do. So, either sit there and shut up like a good little girl, or go back upstairs.  I'll be up later."  Angel turned his back to the shocked blond vampire and went back to his desk.

As Spike slowly sat up with teary eyes, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in."  Angel said angrily.

"Hope I'm right on time."  An impeccably dressed tall, dark haired man said as he entered.

"You're one minute late."  Angel growled as he glanced at his watch. He stood to meet Hamilton.

"Well, hello Spike."  Hamilton said as he walked over to the couches to where the blond vampire now stood.  "Feeling well, I hope?"  He said with a smile.

She did not acknowledge his presence and looked over to Angel who was ignoring her.  Hamilton picked up on the look.  "I hope I didn't interrupt a lover's quarrel?"  He said with a smirk and a tiny laugh as he practically leered at Spike.

"It was nothing."  Angel said without emotion.

Spike stood for another moment before willing herself to leave.  'I will not cry in here.' She thought as she walked towards the door and then out.  Her voice hitched as she covered her mouth with her hand to stifle the sob that wanted to escape.  She leaned back against the closed doors.  As she wiped the tears away, she trudged over to Harmony's desk.  She stood there for a few minutes; she finally took a took a deep breath and dialed the telephone.

"Harm?  Yeah, it's Spike.  You up for going out tonight?  Yeah...don't care...anywhere loud and with lots of booze...yeah, see if Lorne or Gunn wants to go...sure...I'll leave in a few minutes...alright...see ya soon..."  She replaced the receiver and took one more glance back and glared at Angel's office.  She snorted and smirked and then made her way down to the garage.

~Part: 14~

It was 4 am by the time Spike returned to the penthouse.  She had fallen asleep at Harmony's.  It gave her the opportunity to sober up a bit.  Surprisingly, the blond vampire found that she did not drink as much as thought she would.  Since becoming a female, Spike noticed that she longer favored scotch, whiskey, and other hard liquors. Harmony turned her on to the wonderful world of Cosmopolitans and other similar libations.  The first few cocktails she consumed this evening did nothing to dull the ache in her heart, so she spent the rest of the night nursing her sour apple martini.  She found herself enjoying the company of friends; the simplicity of it all was quite refreshing.  For a time, she could shove the problems with Angel into the recesses of her mind and have some fun.

Before opening the door, she wondered if Angel was going to be there. She slowly entered the penthouse and placed the keys on the table. She stretched her arms and yawned as she started walking towards the spare bedroom.  She had decided that after the manner in which Angel treated her earlier, she did not want to share his bed this morning. Suddenly, she stopped as she felt her Grandsire's presence.  She slowly turned her head to the left and saw Angel sitting in the corner quietly.  He held a glass in his hand.  His impressive form was illuminated by the moonlight streaming through the open blinds.  She could see his cold eyes staring straight ahead.  Spike swallowed nervously as the scent of scotch permeated through the air.

"Where were you?  You didn't take one of the cars."  The dark vampire said quietly, seemingly devoid of emotion from his seated position as he sipped his drink.

"Out."  Spike said.  "Took a cab."  She stared back.  "Not like it's any of your business."  She added with some intensity as she glared at him.

"Of course it's my business."  Angel said as he slowly stood.  The approaching form caused Spike to take a step back.

"Whatever, you ponce."  Spike rolled her eyes , turned,  and began to walk quickly to the spare bedroom.  Her route was cut off by Angel. The dark vampire loomed over the petite blond.

"Get out of my way, Angel."  Spike said seriously as she hissed.  She raised her arm to push him aside when Angel grabbed her by that arm and pushed against her until Spike's back hit the wall.

"You're hurting me, Angel!"  She struggled to no avail.  Even in top form, Spike was no match for the older Master Vampire.  "Let...go...of me..."  Spike spit out as she felt Angel's large weight against her. Angel held her against the wall with her hands above her head.

She shuddered as she felt Angel's breath against her neck.  "You smell of human men and demons."  Angel growled as he faced her again.

"Yeah...it's called Eau de Gunn and Lorne.  We danced, you berk." Spike's eyes turned yellow with anger.  "Know what?  Wasn't jus' them! All of those men at the club wanted my tight bod!  Should have let 'em have at it!"  She smirked as she heard Angel growl again.

"You're mine, Spike.  Mine."  He said menacingly as he licked over the mark he made.  He tightened his grip on Spike as he ground his pelvis against hers.

"And you're drunk, you fuck!"  She tried to kick him but her legs were pinned.  She tried to ignore the feeling of Angel's tongue against her mark.  She closed her eyes and panted as he continued to slowly suck at her neck.  The mix of anger and arousal was intoxicating.  Angel changed his visage with one last lick to her jugular.  He then suddenly sank his fangs savagely into her neck.  Spike gasped and then she was on fire as he drank from her.  Angel's grip loosened on her wrists and her arms immediately grasped around his neck.  She moaned as the feelings overtook her.  She felt his arousal against her.  When Angel released her, he immediately ravaged her mouth.  Tasting her own blood on her lips just intensified the feeling even more.  Angel frantically tore his shirt off and stepped out of his pants while still kissing her wildly.  He ripped Spike's shirt off and moved his hands down her lithe body.  He reveled in the smoothness of the lines of her form.  He unbuttoned her pants and hurriedly pushed them down, along with her thong.  He gasped as he took in her stunning, nude body.

"Spike...baby...so beautiful..."  He groaned as he disengaged his mouth from hers for the moment.

"A-Angel..."  Spike whispered as her mouth was nearly too dry to talk. She felt weak in the knees.

Spike snaked her arms around his neck as he lifted her up.  As she wrapped her legs around his waist, he became fully sheathed with her core.  The sudden intrusion made both vampires groan with desire.

"Fuck..."  Spike exclaimed as she panted and rode Angel.  Angel threw his head back as Spike went up and down on his large length.  Sweat poured over closed eyes from Spike's brow as she tired from the frantic pace.  Her lover sensed this  and lifted her gently back into arms and walked to the bedroom.  He laid her down and kissed her forehead and nose before inching his way back inside her.  The anger and desperation of Angel from earlier seemed to fade as warm, chocolate hued eyes gazed directly into the confused orbs of the blond vampire.  He touched his lips gently to hers and they both closed their eyes as he gently moved in and out.

"My love..."  Angel whispered as he neared his climax.  He felt her nearing her zenith as well.  The two came together as they shuddered. Angel rolled off her and grasped her waist from behind as he spooned her.  He kissed the back of her head and fell into a sated sleep.

As she felt him slip into the land of dreams, Spike slowly opened her crystal blue eyes.  She touched her neck as she lay there wondering what just happened.  Never had their lovemaking been so rabid and intense.  Her demon inside seemed to feel replete, but overall, she felt disconcerted.  A feeling of emptiness consumed her.  She had not felt this way since Sunnydale.  Not since... Buffy.  She bit her lip to prevent her emotions from overwhelming her.  She allowed one lone tear to escape her eye before willing herself to sleep.

*

When Spike awoke in the morning, she rolled over and noticed a cold spot in the bed.  Angel was already up.  She heard the shower running. After a few minutes of staring at the ceiling, the water turned off. She immediately rolled back over and feigned sleep.  She did not know how to confront Angel.

The dark vampire stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom staring into nothingness.  He dried himself off and quickly styled his hair. He went to his large walk-in closet and dressed.  He walked over to the bed and watched the small figure buried under the covers.  He smiled at the fact that Spike has always needed numerous covers around her.  He pondered that it must make her feel safe.  All he wanted to do was stay in bed with her all day, make love, and keep her safe. But, there were things he had to attend to.  He leaned over and caressed her long, wavy honey blond hair.  After some time, he stood up and went down to the office.

When she was sure he was gone, Spike opened her eyes.

~Part: 15~

Spike entered the Science Lab later in the morning.  Fred looked up from her microscope and smiled when she saw her friend.

"Hey!  How are you?  Harmony said you all had a blast last night."

Spike took the chair next to her.  "Yeah, grand ol' time it was." Spike said with little enthusiasm.   Fred worried as she looked at her.  She seemed distracted.

"Spike?  Let's go to my office."  She said as surveyed the room.

When the two arrived, she began to ask questions.  "Are you alright?" She said as she placed her hand on the blond vampire's shoulders.

"Yeah."  Spike answered as she hung her head a bit.

"You're as bad a liar as I am."  Fred frowned.  "Is it Angel?  He seems real cranky lately."

"That's not the half of it."  Spike mumbled under her breath as she rubbed her neck.

"Come on, Spike.  What's up?"

Spike was in no mood to share, so she changed the subject.  "So, what time is the meeting today?"  She asked with an innocent smile.

Fred looked down at her watch and yelped.  "Five minutes ago!  Let's go!"  The two females hurried towards Angel's office.  When they arrived they took their customary seats.  "Sorry we're late, guys." She said apologetically.

"No problem, Fred.  We're waiting for the liaison."  Angel answered.

"I don't know about that guy, Angel."  Gunn warned the group and then looked over at Spike who was rubbing at her turtleneck.  "You okay, Blondie?"  He said to her but did not receive an answer because the liaison walked in.

"Good, everyone is here."  Hamilton cheerfully greeted the group. "Well, let's get down to business.  The Senior Partners are very pleased that the LA branch of Wolfram and Hart is back up near the top."  He said ignoring the glares he received from the group.  "It seems that the lack of attention to our clients has been remedied thanks to your leader, Angel.  The Senior Partners are so happy to see you focus on your job."

"I bet."  Angel said with clenched teeth as he stared coldly at the well dressed man.

"This should make your trip to Toronto a great success.  It will be a wonderful way to introduce you to the others."

"What's in Toronto, Angelcakes?"  Lorne asked.

Hamilton answered the Green Demon.  "The annual corporate meeting of the top executives of Wolfram and Hart's North American divisions. And despite having a first year CEO, the LA branch continues to be a top performer."  Hamilton walked around the table.  "Of course, there were a few bumps in the road, initially, right Angel?"  He chuckled. "But, now you got the ship back to smooth sailing.  Of course," he gestured to the entire table, "you have all played your part."  He smirked.  "Go, Team!"  He waved his fist in the air as he began to walk towards the door and turned to Angel.  "I hope you and Spike have a wonderful trip."  At the mention of her name, Spike looked up in surprise and stared at Angel who was still glaring at Hamilton.  "Bon voyage."  He swept out of the office.

Spike sat shocked but did not say a word.  In fact, no one spoke for a few minutes.  Each person was mired down with his or her own thoughts.

Gunn looked at Wesley for a moment and then cleared his throat.  "If we can continue, we do have something of interest."  He looked at Wesley again before turning to the group.  "There are some humans and good demon shop owners down by the Wharf, who are being forced to pay for 'protection' against thieves stealing their goods."

"That's not anything new."  Angel said impatiently and crossed his arms.

"Yeah."  The lawyer continued.  "But, the demon clan running the racket are killing if the people refuse to pay.  We can't let this happen."

"And let me guess,"  Spike interjected.  "The demon clan is our client."  She shook her head and snorted when Gunn and Wesley confirmed this.

"Team Angel, doing it again."  Lorne said sarcastically as he sipped his seabreeze.  Fred simply dropped her head.

"What do you want us to do about it?"  Angel asked.

"Are you kidding me, Angel?"  Gunn yelled as he stood to walk over to the dark vampire.  "What the fuck is up with you, man?"  His nostrils flared as he breathed heavily.  Gunn was using all his willpower to restrain himself.

"Gunn."  Wesley added to help calm his friend.  "We feel this is important to protect these people.  That is what we do."

"And, Wes."  Angel said.  "We also have this job as well."  He rolled his eyes and threw up his hand.  "Do what you have to do."  He said as he walked back to his desk.  He flung papers onto the already overloaded desk.

"Good."  Wesley breathed a sigh of relief; although, he realized they were not victors.  Angel simply did not care what they did.  The Ex-Watcher continued to be baffled at Angel's behavior.  Using his background as a Watcher and what he knew of Angel, at times he felt perhaps this was Angelus they were dealing with.  He knew, though, they would all be dead or horrifically tortured by now if that was the case.  Was the firm corrupting their friend?  He needed to ponder these things.  For now, they needed to mobilize and venture to the Wharf.

"Gunn?"  He looked at his friend.  "Shall we get going?  We can procure weapons from my office."  He said as he walked towards the door.

"Let me go change, English.  Then I'll meet you in the Lobby."  The two nodded at the other.

"Hold up, Gents."  Spike stood.  "I could use a little rough and tumble, yeah?"  She said enthusiastically and started her strides to join them.

"No."  Angel's' voice said from the back of the room.  "She doesn't go."  He said as he crossed his arms.

"WOT?"  Spike said as she turned to her Grandsire.  "Did you just tell me, no!?  Mother may I?" Spike threw her hands in the air as her eyes turned yellow.  Lorne and Fred joined Wesley and Gunn at the door. The anger in the room was palpable.

"I said,"  Angel spoke slowly but forcefully, "I don't want you to go."

"I don't give a shit WHAT you want!  You fuckin' poofter!"  Spike was nearly seething.

"Spike."  Wesley said quietly.  The two locked eyes and Spike understood.  She looked down and nodded as her shoulders slumped.  She wanted them to go so lives could be saved.  After the door was shut, Spike slowly gazed at Angel.  As if all the anger simply vanished, concerned eyes looked upon him.

"J-Just make me understand, Angel."  She practically begged.  "Why are you acting like this?"

"Acting like what?"  Angel said surprised.  "As I recall, the last time you went on a mission with Wes, you nearly died!  I don't want you to get hurt!  Jesus, Spike!"

"I'm not made of glass, Angel!  I'm still me!"  She implored as her eyes watered.  "You act like I'll break if I go fight."

"Things could get rough out there."  Angel walked over to the window.  His back was to her.

"Like things did last night, Sire?"  She said with venom in her voice.

"What are you getting at?"  Angel said in a confused tone.

Spike peeled back her neck to reveal the unhealed wound on her neck from their earlier activities.  "It hasn't even begun to heal yet! Didn't mind being all rough last night!"  She stared at the dark vampire whom did not even seem to flinch.

"Didn't seem to mind when I did that though, did you?"  He said with a smirk as he sauntered over to her.   "You were moaning and groaning like a pro, Spike."  Her mouth fell open in shock at the insult.  "You enjoyed it as much as I did.  We're vampires, honey."  He said as he walked up to her.  "You're telling me that Dru never liked it a little hard now and then?"  He said while he ran his finger gently up her defined cheekbone.

Spike stepped back and stood there speechless.  She looked at the figure in front of her and did not even recognize who it was.  Was it Angelus?  This couldn't be Angel, could it?  He said he would never hurt her.  Her head began to spin as she felt dizzy.  She needed some time to think.  She did not know how long she stood there.  Next thing she knew, Angel had embraced her.  He kissed her neck where he had bit her.  He sighed as he whispered in her ear.  Only vampire hearing could pick up what he was telling her.

"I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to hurt you last night.  I got carried away."  He paused as he kissed her neck.  "Why don't you go up and lay down, okay?"  He said as he walked her to the elevator.  Spike was almost in a catatonic state as he led her easily.  He pushed the correct floor for her and as the doors closed, he added.  "We'll talk about Toronto later."

Angel returned to his desk and pushed a button on the telephone. "Harmony?  What's next on my agenda?"

"Um, the Senator is meeting with you.  Do you want to greet her from the Lobby?"

Angel sighed.  "Yeah, that's fine."  He released the button.  He placed his jacket on and buttoned it.  He opened the door to the office and went towards the elevator.  As the lift doors shut, Hamilton appeared from beside Angel's office.  He smirked as his cold eyes watched the elevator.

~Part: 16~

Spike spent the night on the couch in the TV room.  She did not even hear Angel come into the Penthouse.  When she awoke, she slowly sat up as she rubbed her weary eyes.  She could sense Angel was in the bedroom; she thanked whomever that Angel did not bring her in to share their bed.  She stared at the wall ahead that was adorned with expensive artwork.  She was at a loss for an explanation for Angel's conduct.  His erratic behavior was starting to scare Spike.  She could not predict whether or not he would be loving or reveal shades of Angelus.  Spike often wondered the last few weeks if the lines between Angel and Angelus had seemingly blurred.  She had asked him often to share his feelings and fears with her, yet he rebuffed her at every turn.  She now felt trapped, not knowing what to do.  She feared inciting his scorn.

She sat straighter when she saw him come out of the bedroom dressed for the office.  She saw him smile and walk over to her.  Angel sat down next to her and embraced her and kissed her forehead.  Spike stiffened slightly at the contact.

"Good morning.  I didn't want to wake you up when I got in last night."  He said as his warm brown eyes gazed upon her face.

"Thanks."  Spike answered quietly as she looked down.  Angel kissed her briefly on the cheek and stood up hurriedly.

"I'll be back up around lunchtime."  He said as he glanced at his watch.   "Because we are leaving tomorrow, Porter is coming to show us some clothes for Toronto.  There's no general meeting today, so you can stay up here if you like."  He looked at Spike to see if she understood him.

She squirmed a bit in discomfort as he glared at her.  "Sure."  She nearly whispered.

"Alright, see you later."  Angel quickly left the apartment.

*

A few hours later, Spike sat bored in the bedroom reading a magazine. She growled when she glanced at the clock out of the corner of her azure colored eyes.  11:45.  'That Porter ponce is comin' soon.' She thought.  'Better not make me wear some frilly shit.'  She was startled out of her inner thoughts when the phone rang.  She stretched her well shaped arm across the bed to retrieve the telephone.

"Yello?"  Spike asked absently while she still thumbed through the gossip rag.

"Spike?"  The voice on the other line was Fred.

"Heya.  What's up?"

"You okay?"  Her friend sounded concerned.

"Yeah, Science Girl."  Spike frowned.  "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you missed the morning meeting.  Didn't Angel tell you about it?"

Spike sat with her mouth open.  She gripped the receiver so tightly, she could hear it nearly break.

"Are you still there?  Spike?"

The blond vampire shook her head and forced herself to speak.  Her voice choked slightly.  "Yeah...uh...I just felt tired this morning. Didn't feel like gettin' out of bed..."  Her hand trembled as she grasped at the phone in her hand.

"Oh, well, that's a relief.  Do you think you need to get checked out in medical?"

"No, pet."  Spike managed a small smile in appreciation of her devoted friend.  "I'll be right as rain by tomorrow.  So, don't worry your pretty little head off, 'kay?"

"Okay.  You didn't miss much, by the way.  Angel is acting so strange lately.  He and the others seem to fight all the time now."  She said sadly.  "Anyway,  call me if you need anything."

"Will do, luv.   Ta."  Spike slowly hung up the phone.  'What is he playin' at?'  She thought to herself.  The confused vampire felt a familiar ache return to her chest.  Her brooding was interrupted as Angel and Porter entered the penthouse chatting.

"I have a wonderful selection of clothes today, Mr. Angel.  My team will be arriving momentarily.  The two of you will be the best dressed couple there."  He smiled widely hoping to win the approval of the dark vampire.

"Well, you have never let me down, Porter.  Why start now?"  He chuckled lightly.  Angel walked over to Spike as she entered the room and kissed her on the forehead.  "Hi, Spike."   Angel removed his jacket and neatly slung it over a chair.

"Where do you want us?"  Angel asked enthusiastically as he looked back at his personal shopper.

Porter was speaking to his team of a man and woman who just arrived. He was pointing in a few directions leaving his orders with them. "Spike will go with Melinda into the bedroom and we can have you in the TV room Mr. Angel."

Angel turned to Spike.  "Have fun."  He smiled as a tall, olive skinned woman walked towards the bedroom pushing a clothing rack. Spike said nothing.  She had no emotion playing upon her face.  She reluctantly went to the bedroom.

After a few minutes, her anger began to rise.  All she saw were dresses and skirts as far as the eye could see.  Her shopper was perfectly polite, but was easily growing frustrated with Spike vetoing all the choices she suggested.  Porter sneaked in to check their progress.  "Everything peachy keen?"  He said as he sashayed into the room.  Melinda simply had a strained smile on her face.

Spike turned to Porter and with anger in her voice.  "Thought we discussed this last time."  Her hands were on her hips.  "No frilly chick shit."  She walked over to the rack and picked at the clothes carelessly.  "I think dresses and skirts qualify as CHICK SHIT!!"  She yelled.

Porter attempted to reason with her.  "These are some of the finest garments money can buy, Spike."  He grew nervous as he saw the scowl on the blond vampire's face grow.  He had explicit instructions from Angel what the proper attire was to be.  He did not want to incur the wrath of the CEO.  "I-If you look, I did not include too many pastels..."

Spike interrupted him.  "I don't give a fuck if it's all black, I'm not wearin' this shit!!"  Spike received some satisfaction when their eyes went wide with panic.  'That's right.  I'm the Big Bad!' She thought as she reveled in the smell of fear emanating from the two shoppers in front of her.  The feeling was short-lived when she heard a voice behind her.

"Is there a problem?"  Angel's voice was stern.  Spike slowly turned around to face her Grandsire.  She decided to be defiant.

"Yeah.  'M not wearin' any of this froo froo crap!"  She smirked and chuckled to herself when she heard a quiet growl.

Angel turned to the shoppers.  "Would you mind giving us a minute?" He said with a forced politeness.  He waited until they closed the door after exiting.  Yellow, angry eyes zoned in on Spike.  She stood in the same place and stared right back at him.  She folded her arms.

"You WILL wear these clothes, WILLIAM!"  Angel was seething.  He did not have time for these little distractions.

"'M not wearin' a dress!  Those clothes are for birds!!"  She yelled back at him; she went into game face for a second but regained her composure.

"Last time I checked, Spike, you were a girl.  You need to get over it!  This is an important meeting and there are many functions we will attend."

"We?"  Spike's anger continued to rise.  "Glad to be asked IF I wanted to go to whatever the fuck is happenin' in Toronto.  I'm not a damn' minion you can just order around!"

"Gee!  I'm sorry I thought getting away together would be a nice thing!  I just don't want you walking around there dressed like a hooker.  We need to make a certain impression."  Angel scowled.

Spike threw her hands in the air.  "Listen to yourself, you fuckin' pillock!  Impression?  Jesus, you've really sold out haven't you!?" She walked up to him and lightly poked him in the chest.  "You're lovin' this power you have here at Evil Incorporated, eh?  Wolfram and Hart bought you so damn easily with fancy offices and fancier cars. You're a king in your castle!!"  Her eyes narrowed and she hissed. "Feels good, doesn't it Angelus?"  She started to brush him aside and walk towards the door.  As she pushed his shoulder, suddenly, she had no time to react as she felt the sting of Angel backhanding her across the face.  The force was so great that she was knocked to the floor. Her eyes were wide in shock as she reached up shakily as the palm of her hand rested on her left cheek.  She felt blood oozing from the corner of her mouth.  She stared up at Angel who himself stood stunned as he looked upon his hand that hit the blond vampire.

"Oh, gods, Spike..."  Angel shook his head in disbelief and started to inch his way towards he smelled her blood.

Spike frantically scooted backwards towards the wall.  "Stay away form me..."  She whimpered as continued to hold her hand on her bruising cheek.  As Angel moved nearer to her, she eyed him intently.  "I swear it, don't come any closer."

Angel's face was sorrowful as his eyes teared.  "I'm so sorry, Little One.  I don't know what came over me..."  He trailed off.  His heart fell as he saw her turn away from him.  Her little body was plastered in the corner and her face was covered with her long locks.  He noticed her slightly shaking.  "Spike, talk to me."  He begged.  He received no response from her for some time.  After awhile,  Angel left the room.

"Mr. Angel?"  Porter asked as his boss entered the TV room.

The dark vampire sighed.  "Leave the clothes up here for now.  I will call later."  He rubbed his eyes.  "Thanks for your work."

"Yes, sir.  I wish you happy traveling tomorrow.  Please take whatever you need.  We will discuss the bill later, sir."  The shopper quickly left the penthouse.

The dark vampire looked back towards the bedroom, but he did not go back in.  He decided to give Spike time and hopefully he could apologize later.  He walked over to the couch and sat down heavily. He placed his weary head in his hands.  His stomach fluttered with the realization that he was ruining his chance with Spike.  A lone tear escaped his eye.  He felt the weight of so much on his shoulders.  He was drowning.

*

After a few hours, Spike left the bedroom.  She was nervous to see Angel, but she needed to feed.  The blond vampire sensed that Angel was still in the penthouse, but she did not care.  She quickly walked to the kitchen to prepare her mug.  She purposely ignored Angel in the adjacent room.  As she stood by the microwave, she heard Angel enter the kitchen.

"Spike?"  Angel's voice was quiet and full of sadness.  Spike turned around after retrieving her mug.  Her eyes were cold as she sipped from her mug.  "Can I talk with you?"

She shrugged her shoulders.  "Whatever."  She answered flatly.  She followed him into the TV room and sat on the opposite side of the couch from him.  She placed her mug down and clasped her hands together to keep them from shaking.  Her composure seemed steely externally; inside she was screaming.

The dark vampire looked upon her with sorrowful eyes.  "I'm so sorry...about what happened.  I never want to hurt you..."

Spike's resolve crumbled slightly as she turned her eyes towards him. "I don't understand what's happenin' to you.  You're scaring me, Angel..."  She lowered her head as she bit her lower lip.

Angel took a chance and moved closer to her.  He gently touched her hand.  "I'm so sorry, Spike."  He placed his hand under her chin and lifted it up.  "I need you to trust me.  Everything will be fine.  I promise."  His eyes seemed so sincere.  Spike wanted so much to believe him, but it was becoming increasingly hard.  Angel sensed the inner conflict within his Grandchilde.  After some time, he moved closer to her and sighed with happiness when he felt her move into his embrace.  Her petite body now sat on his lap.  Her head was buried into his neck as she breathed in the unique scent of Angel.  He heard her whimper as she licked his neck.  "Go ahead, Little One."  He whispered as he gave her permission to feed from him.  He felt her face shift and his breath caught as he felt the intrusion of her fangs into his neck.  After a few minutes of feeding, Spike sat up slightly to face Angel.  The dark vampire stroked her long hair gently as they gazed at each other.

~Part: 17~

Spike awoke the next morning in their bed.  She sat up slowly as she realized Angel was not along side her.  The dark vampire strode into the room, fully dressed talking on his cell phone.

"Okay, Harmony.  Did you arrange the car?  Yes?  Alright then.  Wesley is in charge while I'm gone."  He growled in frustration over the ditzy blond assistant after ending the call.  "Morning, Spike."  Angel smiled.  "You were sleeping like the dead this morning."

"I am dead, you berk."  The blond vampire said playfully as she stretched her arms over her head.

"Listen.  The limo will be here in an hour to take us to the airport." He motioned towards the closet.  "There's a bag next to the closet for some of your clothes."  Angel walked up to her and kissed her gently.  "Okay?"

Spike pursed her lips a bit.  "Sure."  She said quietly as she stood to pack some things.  She chose her most tasteful clothes, recalling the conversation she had with Angel the previous night.  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the clothes the shopper had chosen, but she ignored them.  Angel did not mention them, so she wasn't going to bother for the time being.  After she was satisfied with her choices, she quickly showered, fed, and then met Angel at the elevator.

*

The limo ride to the airport held very little conversation between the two vampires.  Angel spent the time arguing with various persons at the Firm via his cell phone.  Spike did not mind.  Her mood had turned rather sullen.  She could not ignore the gnawing feeling she had in her gut.  She felt nervous to be accompanying Angel to Toronto.  Part of her was still hurt over recent events and admittedly a bit scared as well.  She wanted so much to believe him; he asked her to trust him that everything would work out.  He seemed so sincere when he begged for her forgiveness last night.  Yet, with all his words of remorse, he still did not divulge his reasons for his behavior.  At every turn, he deflected her questions and concerns.  Spike was not sure how much more she could take.  She sighed as she turned her head slightly towards him.  He was arguing some point with Wesley.  As she returned to viewing the daytime LA through necrotempered glass, she only hoped that they could try to reconnect while on the trip.

*

As the two buckled themselves into the lush seats on the private jet, Angel could sense Spike's nerves building.

"You okay, honey?"  He asked with genuine concern.  "You're awfully quiet."

She turned to him across the small aisle, her blue eyes watching him. "Yeah."  She dropped her head.  "Bit nervous 'bout flyin', I'd wager. First time and all."  She attempted a small smile.

Angel chuckled.  "Hey, I've only flown in the helicopter.  So technically, it's my first time too."  He turned to face forward as he rested his head back on the chair.  "We'll be okay." He sighed a bit nervously.

Spike snorted.  "And if this flying rocket decides to burst into flames, then we'll dust so quickly, we won't even know it."  She said as she rolled her eyes and stared outside.

"Come on, Spike..."  Angel laughed a bit breaking the tension in the cabin.  Spike soon joined as she giggled and turned towards him. Angel grabbed her hand across the aisle.  "It feels like so long since we've just laughed."

"I know."  Spike answered as she focused on Angel.  She closed her eyes as she felt the light touch of him stroking her hand.

"Things will get better."  He said quietly to reassure her.  Spike was unable to answer; the captain's voice broadcast over the speaker alerting the two to their imminent departure.  The engine roared to life and as the plane began to slowly move, Spike's stomach fluttered. She fidgeted with her belt as the plane built up speed.  As they finally lifted off, the two vampires grasped each other's hand tightly to support the other on their maiden voyage.

After feeling the plane level, Spike looked around.  "Bugger this." She said loudly as motioned for the flight attendant.  "Jack and coke, sweets."  She said with a bright smile.  "That'll calm me ol' nerves."

*

The vampires landed in Toronto in a little over an hour.  Spike felt like kissing the ground of the jet hangar when they descended the stairs.  Angel grabbed her petite hand as they slowly walked towards the waiting black stretch limo.  A tall man in a black chauffeur's uniform waited by the car with the door opened.  Spike watched his face closely.  He had gaunt, pale features and a sinister look in his eyes.

"Mr. Angel."  He began in a low deep voice as he tipped his hat towards the dark vampire.  "Welcome to Toronto."

Angel nodded his head and stepped back to allow Spike entry into the car first.  As the blond vampire sat back, she marveled at how comfortable Angel seemed to be with all the jets, the limos, and the resources of Wolfram and Hart.  When Spike was first resurrected, she noticed the difficulty the entire team had adjusting to working within the belly of the beast.  Yet lately, Angel in particular had seemed to flourish in his role.  And as he became more entrenched within his CEO duties, the more cruel and uncaring he had become.  Spike now only saw glimpses of the Angel she thought she knew.  Granted, Spike loved Angelus initially.  For the twenty years the Fearsome Foursome paved a bloody destructive path throughout Europe, those were the memories imprinted in Spike's brain and heart for over a century.  But since Spike was chipped and now ensouled, Angel is the one in Spike loved. In male or female form, Spike's feelings were the same. Unfortunately, she was not sure Angel shared that sentiment. There were some many times in the last few months that she nearly asked him. Each time, her fear of rejection silenced her.  She was paralyzed with fear that Angel would stop caring.  She felt she could not risk it.

Spike was shaken from her thoughts when the limo came to a complete stop and the door opened.  Angel stepped out of the car and put his hand out for her.  He continued to hold her hand as they walked towards the grand hotel.  "A penny for your thoughts."  Angel said quietly as he looked down at  Spike lovingly.

Spike nearly begged for them to turn around and return to Los Angeles. She had a horrible feeling about being among all the CEO's of Wolfram and Hart.  There was a pit in her stomach filled with impending doom. She tried to shake it away, but could not.  As she looked around, she feared even admitting any of this for fear that THEY were listening. She sighed and looked at her Grandsire.  "Nothin', pet.  Jus' tired. Maybe I drank too much on the plane."  She forced a smile upon her beautifully pale face.

"Let's get up to our room and you can rest."  Angel smiled as they strode into the grand lobby.

*

When Angel opened the door to their suite, Spike could barely contain herself.

"Wow, luv!"  She said as she rushed into the vast room.  It was decorated in a grand Victorian style but had modern touches like an enormous flat screen TV hanging from the wall.  There was a full service bar in the corner with a large stainless steel refrigerator. Spike ran up to the shiny appliance and as she opened it, her mouth watered.  The two top shelves were filled with human blood.  Various other treats were in there as well.

"Human blood, pet!"  She said enthusiastically as she reached for a container of O-negative and popped it into the microwave.  She picked an assortment of chocolates and quickly undid the wrapper and devoured the sweet treat.  Angel stood back and marveled at her enthusiasm as he followed the bellhops into the Master Suite.  He tipped them generously and took in his surroundings.  The bed was a colossal mahogany king size structure with beautiful red and gold fabrics adorning it.   Just the thought of what he could potentially do with Spike on the bed had him semi hard.  He decided to return to the other room.

Spike had already claimed a spot on the sofa in front if the TV.  She nibbled on her chocolate as she sipped her blood.  The two in combination was practically orgasmic.   She turned to the dark vampire.  "So what the hell are we supposed to do here anyway?  And hey, I don't mind stayin' up in the room the whole time.  They have more channels than even you."  She smirked.

Angel shrugged his shoulders as he sat down on the couch with a folder in his hands.  "Let me read the schedule of events."  He sat silent for a time while he perused the official itinerary.  After a few minutes, he spoke.  "Tonight, there is a black tie reception in the grand ballroom."

Spike shoved a piece of chocolate in her mouth as she spoke.  "Oh. Well, I'll just stay up here then."

"Why?"  Angel responded.

"Black tie.  None of my clothes are fancy enough."  She snorted.  "Too bad."  She watched Angel as he stood and walked towards the bedroom.

"Well, good thing I brought some clothes for you."  His answered nonchalantly. His attitude infuriated Spike.  She stalked towards him.

"How dare you!  When are ya gonna get it through that cro-magnon forehead of yours, that 'm not wearing that shit!"  She pointed to the dress Angel held

"You don't have a choice in the matter, Spike."  Angel said menacingly.  "We will attend all the events properly attired."  He paused for a moment as he stared down her yellow eyes.  "Don't test me on this, Childe."  Angel growled and it caused Spike to step back for a moment.  She realized this was an argument that she would not win. How could he not understand how she felt?

"Fine!"  She yelled as she walked into the Master bath and slammed the door shut in Angel's face.   She pathetically shuffled towards the toilet seat and plopped down on it.  She suddenly felt so tired as she let her head rest in her petite hands.  Her long blond locks fell into her face.  She roughly pushed them away.  The blond vampire was not sure how much more she could take.  She felt trapped.  After some brooding time, she heard a knock on the door.

"Spike?"  Angel said softly.  "Open the door."  She rolled her eyes because she knew he could easily break down the door if he wanted to.  She took a deep breath and proceeded to let Angel in.  She may have capitulated when it came to the dress, but she did not want to make it easy for him.  She crossed her arms and turned her back to him when he walked in.

"I don't want to fight with you, Spike."  Angel's voice was filled with sadness.  "Spike?"  He could not garner her attention.  "Honey?" He watched as she stepped towards the large mirror in the room.  Her body hit the vanity and she hardly noticed that she came to a stop. Her trembling hand was gently mapping her features as she realized she was staring at her reflection for the first time in 125 years.  She stood stunned as she held up her hair and ran her finger over her features.  Her eyes watered as she tried to speak.  "H-How?"

Angel slowly stood behind her and placed his hands gently on her shoulders.  He realized how affected by this Spike was.  "The hotel, although it's in Toronto, is also on an interdimensional plane.  There are some dimensions where we can see our reflection and even stand in the sun."  He paused.  "You are so beautiful, Little One."  He said quietly in awe as he ran his hand down her arm.  Spike closed her eyes at the light touch.  A tear traveled down her sculpted cheek as she was turned towards him.  Angel wiped the tear away and kissed her.

"Why don't we get ready, okay?"  He asked as he led Spike towards the closet.  She was too shocked to even put a fight.  She quietly nodded. Angel looked at her blank expression and worried for a moment. 'She'll be fine.'  He thought to himself.

*

The next few hours were spent in the grand ballroom.  Spike looked stunning in a black strapless full length gown;  Angel could barely contain himself.  He wanted to take her back to the room and make love to her for hours.  He felt a sense of pride at the admiring looks she received from almost everyone in the room.  A side of him, though, had the desire to pummel any man who dared to ogle his Grandchilde.  Angel glided through the reception networking with other CEO's.   He seemed so comfortable in the environment.  For her part, Spike stayed mostly silent all night.  She barely touched her dinner and quickly grew bored listening to the business conversations that occurred.  If Angel had noticed her quiet, saddened mood, he did not mention anything.

Spike leaned up to whisper in Angel's ear and watched as he nodded his head.  Spike slowly walked away towards the terrace.  As she stood watching the lights of the city, she closed her eyes as she reveled in the fresh air.  She could not reconcile the feelings she had within. To be surrounded by all this evil was so disconcerting.  'Why can't Angel see this?' She thought.  'He was really seduced by the dark side.'  Her thoughts were interrupted by a man clearing his throat. She slowly turned to him and she thought for moment she recognized the handsome man.

"I was not sure if you would recall me, Spike."  The tall, dark haired man walked towards her with his hand extended.  "Julian May.  CEO of the New York branch."  His green eyes sparkled in the night.

"Oh, yes."  She half smiled as she shook his hand.  "You came to LA a few months back."

"Yes, I was quite intrigued with your Grandsire, Angelus."  He paused as a waiter walked outside with a tray carrying champagne glasses. He nodded as he procured two glasses.  He offered one to Spike and she reluctantly accepted it.

Her eyes squinted.  "Actually, it's just Angel."

"Well, what's in a name?"  He chuckled as he sipped his drink.  "We've been quite impressed with his work.  After we lost Holland Manners, we were never quite sure the LA branch could return to greatness.  But, Angel has slipped into his role well."  He walked closer to the veranda near Spike.

Spike eyed him suspiciously.  "Is there a point to this, mate?"  She nearly growled.

"Just making conversation, Spike.  By the way, that is such an unusual name for such a beautiful woman."  He smiled sweetly at her.

"Family name."  She snorted and looked towards the door leading back inside. "Look, thanks for the drink and all, but..."

"Yes, you need to return to Angel."  His eyes twinkled.  He reached into his coat pocket and brought out a card.  He handed it to Spike. "If you ever need anything.  Do not hesitate to call.  We are all one happy Wolfram and Hart family."  Spike took the card quickly to get him off her back.  She stuffed it into the small clutch purse she held and nodded her thanks and walked back inside.  She scanned the room quickly to find Angel.  She wanted to tell him that she was to retire for the night.  She wanted the opportunity to talk with him about  how she was feeling and perhaps convince him to leave with her.

Angel stood surrounded by other CEO's.  They discussed business strategies and how to dealing with warring clans to maximize the profit for the Firm.

"So, Angel."  The Chicago CEO slapped his hand on the dark vampire's shoulder.  "Your woman sure is a looker."  The other men nodded their heads in agreement.  "And so compliant.  She sat through dinner and barely spoke the entire time.  How do you do it?"  He laughed as the others joined in.  "I can't get my wife to shut up!  That's why I love my mistress!"  He looked around at the others.  "Right boys?"  He chuckled as he downed his whiskey.  "So, is she your wife or..."  He salivated at the thought.  "You brought your mistress to this?" Angel stared blank faced at the man.  "We've heard you are somewhat unorthodox.  I've got to admire your balls, man."

Angel finally spoke as he sipped his drink.  "She's not my mistress." The men looked disappointed.  Angel smirked.  "She's loud enough when it's convenient.  She's a hellion between the sheets, boys."  He chuckled but then stopped when he heard a small gasp.  He slowly turned around to see Spike standing there.  She did not look shocked; she simply had no emotion on her face.

She spoke quietly.  "I'm leaving, Angel."  With that statement, she nodded her head and walked slowly towards the elevator.  She shakily pressed the button to her floor before allowing Angel's statement to sink in.  'Convenient.'  She bit her lip as she stifled a sob.  She stood in the middle of their vast suite and had never felt so alone in her life and unlife.  She went over to the closet and brought out her luggage and lowered herself down to her knees.  She unzipped the small side compartment and brought out two garments.  It was a black t-shirt and black jeans.  She didn't know why she carried it with her.  The clothes did not fit since her change.  She stared longingly at them as she stroked the denim.  'This will end, tonight.' She said as she went to her drawer and began to remove her clothes.  She hurriedly stuffed them into her suitcase.  She knew the minute Angel neared the room. She felt his presence.   She kept her back towards him and he moved closer.

"Spike..."  Angel started.

"No.  Don't Angel."  The lack of emotion in her voice scared Angel. He looked on the bed and saw her clothes in her suitcase.  "What are you...?"

"I told you I was leaving."  Angel's eyes were confused.  "It's done. I-I can't do this anymore."  She fought to keep her voice steady. She refused to cry.  She did not even know if she had any tears left.

"I tried...I really did."  She began as her chin trembled.  "You wanted more time.  For what Angel?  To continue breaking my heart? You have been so cruel to me and I've taken it, just like I've always taken it.  From everybody." Angel stood silent as Spike paced.  "Maybe it's me, you know? Everyone I love shits on me.  Cecily, Dru, you, Buffy..."  She brushed a lock out of her face.  "Maybe I'm the problem..."  She hung her head.

Angel's eyes watered.  "Listen to me, don't do this..."

"Fuck you, Angel!  I'm done listen' to you!  I tried so hard.  I've asked you to talk to me, tell me what's goin' on, and you won't. Instead you abuse me!"  She took a deep breath as she turned towards the window.  "I promised myself after what happened with Buffy that I would never let myself be used and abused again.  Never to be 'convenient' EVER again."  Angel's eyes were wide with that particular revelation.  He never knew what exactly happened between Spike and Buffy.  The blond vampire shook her head.  "Guess I was wrong."  She turned to look at Angel and he nearly died when he saw the pain reflected in her eyes.  "I've loved you since I was turned, Sire. Didn't matter that we were both men, I wanted you more than I wanted Dru.  I didn't care what kind of attention you gave me, I just wanted to know that you saw me."  She laughed bitterly.  "How fucked up is that?"

"I cared for you too.  I still do."  Angel practically begged.

"Don't LIE, you bastard.  I deserve better than that."  Her eyes flashed yellow.

"I'm not lying, Will."  He pleaded with her.

"You proved to me at every turn that I wasn't good enough for you. For anybody.   I didn't wish this on myself..."  She pointed to her now female body.  "But, you know what I thought after awhile?"  She paused.  "That maybe you could love me like this.  It would be more acceptable to those around you.  Right, Sire?  You always cared for your little blond birds, didn't you Angelus?  Darla.   Buffy.  Nina. But, it still wasn't enough, was it?  I was so desperate for your love and acceptance that I stopped looking for a reversal.  DID YOU EVER REALIZE THAT?  DID YOU EVER THINK HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME LIKE THIS?" Angel stood speechless.

"No, you didn't.  You focused on playing the big hero when I was sick and molding me into the perfect 'convenient' companion.  You never once thought how I felt.  I'M A MAN, ANGELUS!  But, you wanted me as a woman."  She looked down at her attire.  With one movement, she ripped the designer dress from her body and flung it in Angel's face.  She stood there in her undergarments.

"I didn't want to wear any of this, yet you forced me to so you could make a good 'impression' on Wolfram and Hart.  Did you enjoy parading me around like a whore?  Did I make a good showing for you?  Well, I hoped it worked, you bastard.  Enjoy your walk on the dark side, Angel.  I hope it's all worth it!"

Angel could not bare his shame for much longer.  He turned to her and said,  "Let me explain, please."

"No.  Don't you dare.  You had your chances.  I just don't care anymore."  Her voice was so defeated as she looked anywhere but at Angel.

"Spike, please."  He tried to touch her shoulder.

"Get out, Angel."  She said as she clenched her fists.  When Angel did not move, she repeated.  "GET OUT!!  Please..."  She whimpered.

The dark vampire hesitated but eventually complied.  As he walked out of the suite, he stood in the hallway as the tears flowed.  "What have I done?"

*

Spike stood for a time and suddenly felt weak and she fell to her knees sobbing.  Her heart shattered into a million pieces.

She sniffed and tried to speak.  She repeated over and over again, "Halfrek, I beseech thee.  In the name of all people scorned, come before me."  She did not receive a response.  She was desperate. "Hallie, p-please..."

"You rang, Willaim?"  She began cheerfully but her mood darkened when she saw the state of the blond vampire.  Even the evil creature felt a pang of sympathy for Spike.  "William?"

Spike looked up with tear streaked eyes.  "Hallie...please change me back..."

"I would love to but..."

"I tried...I really did."  The blond vampire pleaded as she sniffed and wiped her face.

The brunette smiled sadly.  "I don't have a lot of options."

Spike thought to herself as she glanced at the clock that read 4 am. 'There is always one more option.'   Halfrek noticed this gesture and her eyes widened.

"Don't do anything rash, William.  I'll see what I can do.  Alright? Toodles!"  She waved her hands in her usual grand gesture and disappeared leaving Spike alone on the room.  She struggled to stand up and walked catatonic like  to the bathroom. She took a quick shower and admittedly felt better.  She sat on the bed dressed, with her suitcase by her side.  She needed to leave Toronto.  Her destination: unknown.  She ruled out using Angel's plane.  She sat for a moment in thought.  She grabbed her purse and brought a card out.  She stared at it for some time.  Finally, she got up and walked to the phone.  She dialed the operator and waited.

"Yes.  Julian May's room, please."

~Part: 18~

Spike stood again in front of the mirror. She took a deep unneeded breath as she contemplated what she was about to do. The blond vampire was pragmatic enough to realize that she did not have a lot of options. Spike had no money and she needed to leave Toronto quickly; but she did not want to call back to LA for help. As much as she felt that the members of the Fang Gang were her friends, they would certainly inform Angel of her plans. She was on her own.

She stared at her face for some time. She attempted to memorize every line and every feature of her new visage. It would likely be another 125 years, if ever, before she would see her reflection again. And if she never returned to her previous form, she wanted to remember what she looked like.

Spike stomach fluttered as she had to acknowledge to herself what she was willing to do to leave this town. Her arm reached over to peruse the free cosmetics the hotel made available to the patrons. She grabbed a tube of lipstick and opened it. 'Good thing I did Dru's makeup for so long' she thought to herself as she slowly painted her luscious lips a red hue. She reached for a hairbrush and methodically primped her long blond wavy locks. She took another deep breath as she looked at the results. She forced a smile to her face; but it did not last long. 'I can get through this. Angel treated me like a whore, might as well act like one to get what I want.' She thought. 'I've been through worse.' She scowled into the mirror and found herself chuckling slightly at the image.

She spoke aloud. "Don't want to scare him off, Spike. Might go for the demure approach." She saddened her eyes. "That'll work. Not like I'll be fakin' that." She dropped her head for a moment but forced herself to look up again. She thought back to all the heartbreak she had endured. Angelus left without a word. Drusilla broke up with him. Twice. And Buffy? Well, that was over before it began. The Slayer made sure of it. "You're walkin' away this time." Spike said with pride and this caused a genuine smile on her face. Things would get better. She nodded her head and turned around. She grabbed her suitcase, took one last look at the room, and left.

*

She walked slowly towards Julian May's room. She kept telling herself how bad of an idea this was, but she had no other alternative. As she raised her hand to knock on the door, she had to steady it to keep it from shaking. When there was no answer immediately, she began to turn away. Suddenly the door opened and there he stood. Julian was an extremely handsome man. The Immortal stood over six feet tall; his skin was well tanned which caused his green eyes to stand out immensely. His hair was impeccably coiffed and was dark in color. He smiled warmly. "Come in, Spike." He said as he stepped aside to allow her to enter his suite. She hesitated for a moment but then walked in.

"Why don't I get that for you?" He said after he closed the door. He walked up to Spike and took her suitcase from her and placed it by the door. "Shall we have a seat?" He asked as he gestured towards the sofa. Spike nodded and took a seat. They sat in uncomfortable silence for a few moments. "So. Spike. I was certainly shocked to get your call." He continued when Spike raised her eyebrow. "Shocked, but pleasantly surprised." He smiled widely as he stared at her. Spike fidgeted in her seat. He made her extremely nervous.

"Yeah. Well. 'M sorry to bother you and all..." She dropped her head.

"Well, it's not a bother. How can I help?"

"Well, you talked about the Wolfram and Hart family, so I figured I could ask a favor. You know, with me being part of said family...in a way." She shifted again as his unrelenting gaze continued to bore into her. "Well, if you have access to a plane, I need to leave Toronto tonight." She sat back a bit while she awaited a response.

Julian's eyes widened slightly, he was obviously surprised at her request. "And what of your Grandsire? Certainly he could accommodate your request." He watched as she turned away and stood abruptly.

"You know what?" Spike said as her eyes watered. "I made a mistake coming here." She turned quickly and scurried towards the door. As she reached down to grab her suitcase, she felt Julian grasp her arm.

"Wait, Spike!" He said as he placed her luggage down. "I did not say I would not help you." He gently continued to hold her as he led her back to the sofa. "I was simply surprised that you would ask me." They sat back down. He sat for a moment mesmerized by her beauty. Her eyes appeared so sad and lost. "It is probably none of my business what transpired between you and Angel."

"That's right." She said quietly as she looked intently at the sparkling green eyes.

"It must have been terrible if you were willing to come to a stranger for help." He watched as Spike turned her head away again. The emotional wall she had built prior to coming in the room was slowly crumbling.

"I can help you, William." He responded as Spike turned to him, eyes wide with shock at the use of her given name.

"How did you..." She said as she sat perplexed.

"This is Wolfram and Hart, Spike." He said without malice in his voice. "We know many things about Angel and his family." He paused as he gazed upon her face again. He reached up and stroked her cheek and was happy to see that Spike did not withdraw from the touch. "I bet you are just as beautiful as a man," He said quietly as he wiped a tear that was forming in her azure colored eye.

He leaned in and captured her lips in a soft kiss. For a moment, Spike was nearly lost in the warmth of Julian's touch. She slowly broke the kiss and whispered as she opened her eyes. "No...please...'M sorry. I can't do this." She said as she looked at him sadly. "I can't sleep with you..." She trailed off and stood. Julian followed suit.

"I won't ask that of you, Spike." He said with small smile. He walked over to the phone and dialed. "Yes, Johnson. Mr. May here. Please ready my jet to leave within the hour. A Ms. Spike will be the passenger...She will inform you of her destination...Take her anywhere she wants to go...Is that clear...Okay, then." He hung up the phone. He joined a dumbfounded Spike near the door.

"Why are you helping me?" Spike was a bit suspicious. "I mean, no offense. But you're evil." She said with a slight grin.

Julian chuckled. "Maybe. But, perhaps this is my good deed for the century. When you've lived as long as I have, on occasion I will do something nice." He opened the door. "Shall we?" he gestured for her to walk through. "Allow me to walk you to the lobby. There are many cars available that can take you to the plane."

"Thanks, mate." Spike said with some hope in her voice.

"And Spike? Keep my card. If I can do anything else to help, let me know."

"I will." She smiled as they walked towards the elevator.

~Part: 19~

After a few hours of brooding, Angel decided to return to the suite and finally talk to Spike. He wanted to explain his behavior and the difficult choices he has had to make over the last few months. He took a deep unneeded breath as he opened the door. He flipped the lights on. "Spike?" He said as he looked around. There was still a faint smell of her, so he knew she had been there recently. He saw the open closet and noticed her suitcase was gone. On the floor were the dresses he had brought for her. He saw the open drawers that contained her clothes were empty. His heart sank. "Spike." He whispered as the anger with himself began to build. He rushed out of the room down to the lobby.

He stormed up to front desk. A stout, older gentleman was behind the counter. "Yes, Mr. Angel?" He said with a smile.

The dark vampire began, "My...girlfriend left the room and I need to know where she went. Did you see her leave? She's about 5 ft 2 inches, long wavy blond hair, and blue eyes."

"Well, sir, forgive me. Many people fit that description. Could you be a bit more specific?"

Angel was losing patience. "Look," he hissed as his eyes burned yellow and he flashed some fang, "don't you have surveillance cameras?" The now scared hotel worker nodded. "I want to see them, alright?"

"Y-Yes, sir. R-Right a-away." He stumbled back from the counter. "Follow me." The petrified worker led Angel to the security area two floors below.

They explained the situation and Angel began reviewing the tapes from the last few hours. Suddenly, he said to the security guard, "STOP! Rewind that and play slowly." He saw on the screen that Spike was holding her luggage and was being escorted out of the lobby by Julian May. Angel stood immediately and hurried back to the lobby.

When the hotel worker saw the crazed vampire barreling towards him again, he stood back for a moment.

His voice shook. "Everything satisfactory, Mr. Angel?"

Angel was teetering on the edge of releasing Angelus. "Julian May's room number." He spit out between clenched teeth. The worker hesitated but obliged.

"Room 3325, sir." He breathed a sigh of relief when Angel left.

*

Julian stood from the couch when he heard the loud banging on his door. He smirked because he knew who was the source of the noise. He opened the door and leaned against it as he observed the angry vampire. "Angel. Or is it Angelus?" He said sarcastically with sparkling eyes.

"Where is she?" Angel hissed as he stayed in place. He knew it was a public building, yet he did not force his way across the threshold.

"Who?" Julian answered innocently as he looked around.

Angel walked into the suite and purposefully brushed Julian. He turned around to face the Immortal. "Don't play games with me, May. I want to know what you did with Spike." He said menacingly as he watched Julian calmly walk towards the couch and sit. Julian crossed his legs and smiled.

"What makes you think I did anything to her?" He feigned confusion.

"Cut the shit. I saw the surveillance tapes." Angel stood defiantly.

"Well," Julian began as he stood and glided across the room. "You're Grandchilde came to me freely for aid." He stopped for a moment as he observed the trembling, clenched cheeks of the dark vampire. "She required a mode of transport to depart Toronto."

"So, you helped her." Angel's eyes squinted.

"Well, of course. She is a member of the Wolfram and Hart family. And that is what we do." He smiled widely as he slightly tilted his head. "She was very distraught and clearly needed a shoulder to cry on." He smirked evilly. "I was hard pressed not to help such a fragile, vulnerable creature."

"If you hurt or touched her in any way..." Angel warned as he stepped closer to the Immortal figure.

"Well, I admit I only had a little bit of a taste..." His statement was interrupted as he felt the dark vampire's fist connect headily with his face. He laughed as he touched his hand to his cheek. "You know you cannot hurt me, vampire." He said in a more serious tone. "I can understand how your William inspires such a reaction." If the use of Spike's true name affected Angel, the lack of reaction on his face failed to reveal this. "If you are frustrated with yourself, I hardly think it fair to punish the person who helped her." The underlying smirk returned. "She did not divulge anything that transpired prior to coming to me, but I clearly aided a beautiful woman who needed to escape a dire situation." Angel bowed his head for a moment.

"And you helped her out of the 'goodness' of your heart." Angel responded sarcastically. "Why should I even trust you to tell the truth? You're evil."

Julian chuckled. "Last time I checked, Angel, we both work for the same organization." Julian squinted his eyes as he started to pace with his arms behind his back. "When we last met, I believe I called you an anomaly. My assessment of you has not changed. I know you were a 'do-gooder' prior to coming to our hallowed firm. It is quite interesting how well you have adapted to our big pond. Your branch is still a top performer. So, before you attempt to label me as evil, I would take a look in the mirror...well, metaphorically of course." He chuckled again as he paused. "No, Angel. It is you I do not trust. You are conflicted, and that can only spell trouble for the firm. But, the senior partners look upon you as the Golden Boy of the moment. So who I am to doubt them, hmm?"

"Are you finished?" Angel hissed as he walked closer to the Immortal. "I want to know where she is, May."

"My instructions to my pilot was to take her to the destination of her choice. Of course, I can and probably will know where she went, but why would I share that information?" His eyes sparkled with glee. "That wouldn't be sporty."

Angel's anger continued to build. "You have no chance with her. She would never be with you."

"Likely. Yet, she does not seem to be by your side either, is she?" Julian slowly walked towards the door as he continued to talk. "She does not want to be found by you, Angel. That, was extremely clear." He paused to open the door. "Well, I believe this conversation is over. I guess I'll see you in the corporate stress management seminar in the am?" Angel glared at him as he walked out. The door closed softly leaving Angel standing in the hall.

He slowly walked back to his room and proceeded to sit on the bed. 'I just needed a little more time, Spike.' Angel thought as he felt his heart breaking.

*

Spike found that flying the second time was not nearly as traumatic as her maiden voyage. As she sat in a Wolfram and Hart limo, she leaned forward and pressed the button. A voice came on over the speaker. "Yes, Ma'am?"

"Yeah, you can let me off here."

"Yes, Ma'am." The voice answered as the car slowly came to a stop. Spike stepped out of the car into the cool night. She grabbed her suitcase and entered the building in front of her. She walked slowly towards the lobby desk. She turned back briefly to see the car had pulled away. She went off to the side to wait. After about 30 minutes, she exited the building and made her way to her real destination. After about 20 minutes of walking she reached her goal: Wolfram and Hart. She quickly traversed the lobby and pushed the up button on the elevator. She was happy she returned at night; there would be less people around to notice her presence. She needed to take care of matters expeditiously. She went into the bedroom she and Angel shared and packed a few more clothes in her suitcase. She opened the closet to find her beloved duster. She slipped on the leather that she had not felt in so many months. She sighed as the scent of the coat filled her senses. Spike returned to the main room and stopped at Angel's desk. She brought out some pen and paper and quickly wrote notes to Lorne, Fred, Wesley, Gunn, and finally to Angel. She carried the letter intended for the dark vampire back over to the walk-in closet. There was a special drawer that Angel kept money in. She opened it and found nearly six thousand dollars hidden there. She placed the note in it after taking the cash. She grabbed her suitcase and the letters and returned to the lobby. She dropped the letters in interoffice mail and made her way outside. After walking a few blocks, she hailed a cab. At one point, she thought to take one of Angel's cars, but she did not want to traced in any way. She gave instructions for her destination to the cabbie. Upon her arrival, she paid for a single room and tiredly fell into bed.

*

Spike did not awake until the evening beckoned to the vampire senses. The blond vampire sat up and realized how uncomfortable her shirt was.

"Fuck, did this thing shrink?" Spike said as her fingers attempted to adjust the garment. "Hold on a 'mo..." Spike's hand flew to his throat as he looked down to see his former body. Spike jumped out of bed and howled in delight. "Ta, Hallie!" He screamed to the ceiling as he reveled in the feel of his own body again. His hand traveled to his penis and as Spike cupped it he said, "Missed ya 'ol friend!" He exclaimed as he struggled to remove the shirt he was wearing. He tore the t-shirt and jeans off and walked over to his bag and pulled out his black on black ensemble that was his trademark. He smiled as he slipped into his jeans and shirt. He then proceeded to grab his trusty duster and slowly placed it on. He sighed at the fit. He sat back on the bed and made a few phone calls. When he was satisfied with his plans, he reached into the suitcase and grabbed the money. He stuffed the green bills into his pocket as he made his way down to the lobby. As he exited into the Los Angeles night, he smiled. He hailed a cab and drove off to begin a new chapter in his unlife.

*

The next day, Angel returned to the offices of Wolfram and Hart. He could not concentrate on the meetings in Toronto when he was so distraught over Spike. He knew there could be consequences to leaving early; frankly at this point, he did not care. He was determined to use all his resources to find her; plans be damned. He had to explain to her why he had acted so strangely and that he loved her with every fiber of his being. As he opened the door to the penthouse, he was hopeful initially when he smelled her. At least she had been there recently. He walked around to try to find any clues to where she had gone. He saw the light on in the closet and his secret drawer slightly opened. As he peered into it, he saw a letter addressed in Spike's flowing, poetic handwriting: To Angel. The dark vampire's hands shook as he opened the envelope that he recognized as his own.

'Angel,

Or is it Angelus? I think I said what I needed to in Toronto. Obviously I have taken the money from your secret stash. Let's just say it was for services rendered. Job well done, eh?

Will'

The words of the letter started to blur as Angel's unchecked tears fell onto the ink. "Oh, God, Will..." Angel cried as he fell to his knees as the realization hit that he had lost Spike.

~Part: 20~

8 months later...

Angel walked down the streets of London in the late afternoon. Luckily there was so much cloud cover, that Angel was in no danger from the sun. To be safe, he did carry a blanket with him in the small bag that had been his constant companion for the last few months. He looked around at the people and smelled the air. This was certainly not the London he remembered. It had been over a century since his family was chased out of London because of Spike's exploits. 'Spike.' Angel thought sadly. His heart ached whenever he stopped to allow himself to think of his Grandchilde. It was easier to focus on finding her. This kept his brain busy. It was at night, that he allowed the emptiness in his heart to overwhelm him at the thought of her and how he treated her. Angel would not give up the search.

He stopped in front of the mammoth, gray stone centuries old structure for a moment. He reached into his pocket to confirm the address. He looked for a sign indicating that he was in the right place, but there was none. He slowly made his way through a grand archway and entered the building. He looked around and saw a directory on the wall. He found his destination and proceeded up the elevator.

When he exited, he saw many people bustling around. He walked up to a secretary who was engrossed in her work. He cleared his throat to get her attention.

"Oh, I am sorry." The gray haired middle aged woman answered. "May I help you?"

Angel attempted to smile. "My name is Angel and I'm here to see..."

She stood immediately. "Yes, Mr. Angel. She is expecting you. Please follow me." Angel waited as she came around her desk and led him down a well lit corridor. Finally, they reached their destination. She knocked lightly on the door. "Go on in." She said quietly as she left him to walk through.

The large office was decorated in mahogany furniture and had large windows on three sides. On the shelf were many pictures both past and present. He heard a noise coming from a side room and turned to it. A woman yelped when she stepped out and saw him. She rushed over to the dark vampire. "Oh my Gods, Angel, you scared me!" She said as she embraced him.

"Um, hello, Buffy." Angel answered as he stiffly returning the gesture. The Slayer picked up on Angel's body language and as she stepped back she looked worriedly at him. She noticed how gaunt his face was and how thin he appeared.

"What's wrong, Angel?" She asked with concern.

"Well, I'm just surprised at your greeting. You seem happy to see me." He paused. "Not that long ago, you thought I was evil and did not want my help with the Dana situation."

"I know." The Slayer responded. "But things change, don't they? Do you want to talk about it? Is that why you came here?"

Angel shook his head. "I was here in London, and I heard whispers that the Watcher's Council opened up again. I was taking a chance to see if you here." He sighed. "I wanted to see how you were. Last I heard, you were in Rome."

Buffy sat down behind her desk. "Yeah, I was in Rome for a time. I was happy for a time. I got to live the `normal life' for awhile. But, I think I had an identity crisis. I know I sometimes bitched about being the only Chosen one, but after Willow's spell in Sunnydale, I was no longer special." She chuckled bitterly as she removed a long blond lock from her face. "I know, what a brat, huh? I finally got what I wanted, but it did not suit me. I missed helping people. I missed the crunch, the rush I got. It made me feel alive." She paused as she heard Angel chuckle. "What?"

Angel smiled sadly as he took a seat on the couch in front of Buffy's desk. "I've heard those words before." Buffy watched Angel as he looked to be caught in his memories. He definitely was changed from the last time she saw him. Not only was his appearance slightly altered, but he seemed more sad than she had ever seen him before.

"Anyway, I tired of Rome after a few months. Dawn stayed behind and attends University there. She is happy." Buffy smiled. "Giles found money that the Council had stashed away, and he bought this building and reformed the group. And bonus! I'm a paid employee. There are so many Slayers to train now. We educate them here in regular school work and in their enhanced abilities."

"That's great, Buffy." Angel was genuinely happy for her. "How are the others?"

"Well, Will is our head witch of course. She is way powerful and has learned to control her magic. Xander goes around the world finding new Slayers. His home base is in Cleveland with Faith and her boyfriend Robin Wood." She saw Angel raise his eyebrow. "Cleveland is home to another Hellmouth. I think he likes the travel and such; it keeps his mind off of his girlfriend Anya. She died in the Final Battle with the First." She saw Angel drop his head as his thoughts returned to Spike. He wanted to change the subject.

"You seem happy, Buffy. I'm glad." He said sincerely.

"I am. A-And…well…I'm going to be married." Angel's eyes widened a bit in surprise. Not because he still loved her, but he thought she would never live long enough to see her wedding day.

"That's great, Buffy." Angel said as she saw the Slayer get up and join him on the couch. She showed him her engagement ring. "Very beautiful. Who is he?"

"Well, his name is Alex. We met a year ago." She said as excited as a school- girl. "He's a rogue demon hunter and now a part-time Watcher. We're getting married in 2 months." She paused as she looked down for a moment. "I hope you will come to our wedding. It's an evening ceremony, so hey, no burning!" She laughed, but Angel did not join in the revelry. "Enough about me, what brings you to London?"

Angel stood up and paced the room. He ran his hands through his hair. He wanted to ask her where Spike was, but for some reason he was scared to. He had searched for the blond vampire for 4 months and he had no leads.

"Angel, you can ask me anything."

He looked at her with pained eyes. "I'm looking for Spike." He said quietly as he waited to see some expression on her face; there was none. He was not even sure she knew he was resurrected. He kept talking. "I've been looking for months and I need to see Spike. I really fucked up and…" He trailed off when he realized that Buffy still hadn't said a word. "Spike means so much to me and I don't think I can ever get another chance. I've looked so many places." Angel sounded desperate as he allowed his emotions to show. Buffy looked stunned by his revelations.

"Angel, I don't know what to say." Buffy looked surprised as she stood up. She stood in silence as she watched the dark vampire sit down again and placed his head in his hands.

Angel looked up at Buffy. "Did you know Spike came back from the dead?"

The Slayer continued to appear tongue-tied. Her eyes watered slightly. Her head turned suddenly when a young man barged into her office.

"Buffy!" The foppish, blond hair boy screamed as he walked towards her.

"What is Andrew?" Buffy said in an annoyed tone. He handed her some papers. "Spike said that you better get down to the gymnasium before he strangles Meghan's…what was his words?" He paused while looking up. "He said he'll wring her scrawny, bloody little girly neck…yeah, that's it!" He backed off at the exasperated look on her face.

"What?" He said as he turned to see Angel sitting on the couch. The dark vampire sat with wide eyes and his mouth was open. "Oh." Andrew said as he scowled. "What are YOU doing here?" He said petulantly as he crossed his arms.

Buffy turned to Andrew. "Get out, Andrew."

"What?" He said surprised.

"Leave, Andrew. And keep your mouth shut for now." She practically growled.

"Fine." Andrew pouted as he stomped out of the office. The Slayer slowly turned to a dumfounded Angel.

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