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//What ravages of spirit//
//conjured this temptuous rage//<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns =
"urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
//created you a monster//
//broken by the rules of love//
He’s a monster. Without the bloody soul, my sire is a monster.
Slutty and her friends think that they know Angelus, but they don’t.
Granted, he was around for
those few months after he lost the soul, but that wasn’t *my* sire.
My sire was a glorious man, violent and passionate. He was what a
vampire should be.
He was a monster, his rage was tangible. It was a glorious time
when Angelus and I were together. We would kill, shag, drink…whatever
we wanted to do. It didn’t
matter. He loved me, and I loved him.
It was the one thing that made him different. He could love.
He taught me what love was. Granted, it wasn’t a normal love, but
it was love. And that made that
monster more tolerable. I loved him.
I still love him.
//and fate has led you through it//
//you do what you have to do//
//and fate has led you through it//
//you do what you have to do ...//
Fate took him away from me. I was so angry when he left.
Of course, I thought he was dead for a century. My heart ached when
he left. I went on a bloody rage.
He would have been proud.
And then Dru and I found him in Sunnydale. He had a soul.
Fate gave him the soul. And now, with that soul, he has to atone.
I can’t…I can’t be with him. There is no way his soul can accept
me, or what we once had.
I know he has to do what he has to do.
But that doesn’t mean I won’t stop loving him.
//And I have the sense to recognize that//
//I don't know how to let you go//
//every moment marked//
//with apparitions of your soul//
I can’t bloody let him go. I never could. I tried, I did.
I left Sunnydale, took Dru away from him. Of course, in the process,
I lost Dru.
But that never hurt as much as loosing my Sire did.
His soul is constantly there, I can feel it when I’m around him.
I can feel Angelus underneath, straining to get away, to claim me as his.
The soul makes him push
me away. I know the demon rages against his cage when I’m around.
And for that, Peaches hates me.
//I'm ever swiftly moving//
//trying to escape this desire//
//the yearning to be near you//
//I do what I have to do//
//the yearning to be near you//
//I do what I have to do//
It hurts. I want to be near him always. Some nights, while
I lie there in that crypt alone, I have to hold myself back from going
to LA to be with him. I was half way
there one night, until I realized he’d either laugh in my face or stake
me. I have to keep myself busy, so I don’t dwell…
I think that’s why I haven’t stopped helping the Scooby Gang.
Somehow, in my head, I know that helping them might make me look better
to him.
I do what I have to do. I would take him, soul and all, if only
I could have him again.
//But I have the sense to recognize//
//That I don't know how//
//to let you go//
//I don't know how//
//to let you go//
I don’t know how to let him go. No matter what I do, who I shag,
it’s always Angelus in the back of my mind. He’s the one that I love,
and will always love. All of
eternity. I would devote it to him in a non-existent heartbeat.
//A glowing ember//
//burning hot//
//burning slow//
//deep within I'm shaken by the violence//
//of existing for only you//
It’s true. I only bloody exist for him. He put me here,
he is the proverbial father I never had. He was the best lover I’ve
ever had.
The love I feel for him, it’s gut wrenching. It’s deep in my belly,
burning slowly. I know that it will never be extinguished.
I love my Sire.
I love Angelus.
I don’t know how to let him go, and I bloody well know that I never
will.