Disclaim: Premise and characters borrowed from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel".
Summary: Things are never as easily done as said.
Author's Note: Sorry it took so long. Earlier parts are posted at www.geocities.com/Area51/Quark/9745/shadowlives.html
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"No, no. I-I just want to put this whole thing behind us, get back to normal." - Joyce, "Dead Man's Party"
"Do I look right?" Angel asked.
"Do I look like a girl?" Xander responded. "What do I care about how you look?"
Angel sighed, "Do I look like I'm supposed to look? I don't remember."
"What does it matter?" Xander asked as he glanced at Angel. Angel just waited. Xander rolled his eyes. "Don't comb your hair flat, you always kept it spiked up."
"Thanks," Angel replied. "I just want everything to be normal."
"You're a vampire with not one, but two souls, which come complete with two sets of memories, normal isn't exactly a term I'd apply to your life," Xander pointed out.
Angel glared at him.
"I'm coming along, by the way," Xander added.
"Why?" Angel asked.
"Because the PTB want me to take care of you and I think this is asking for trouble."
"Fine, as long as you don't tell them how screwed up you think I am."
~~~*~~~
Xander watched in bemusement as Cordy flitted about the office practically humming as she worked.
Angel watched her with a faint smile as he read through the files on several recent cases.
Wesley and even Gunn had both found reason to talk with Angel and let him know how glad they were to have him back.
Xander couldn't believe how smoothly everything was going or much of a difference Angel's presence made to the other three.
Guiltily Xander found himself remembering Anya's tearful calls and the fact she was sitting in a hotel room several miles away, waiting for him to come see her. He remembered the distress in Willow's expression when he'd fled from her innocent hug.
"I think I'll go talk to Anh, if everyone's okay here," Xander said.
"What would be wrong?" Angel asked.
Cordelia laughed as she clasped Angel's shoulder warmly. "Go on Xander, can't you see everything is right here? Finally everything's right."
~~~*~~~
Anya sat in the middle of the hotel's overly hard bed, starring at the engagement ring Xander had given her more than five years ago. Slowly she turned it over in her hands.
Why did I ever decide being human was a good thing, she thought. Broken promises, dead dreams, death, misery, loneliness. What the hell do they need vengeance demons for anyway; just living is the worst punishment anyone could wish on a person.
At the sound of a knock at her door Anya got up and opened it. "Xander?" she asked in disbelief.
"Anh, I've been a jerk these last few months. I've had a hard time adjusting and I took it out on you. I'm sorry."
"You mean that?" Anya asked.
Xander fought the urge to lick his lips nervously and opened his arms to her.
Anya hugged him enthusiastically. "Xander, I've missed you so much."
Slowly Xander reached up to cradle the back of her head. "I've missed you too, Anh."
~~~*~~~
Angel started at the sound of the office door opening. A haggard looking woman stepped into the office. "Please hear me out before you tell me I'm crazy," she requested.
"You came to the right place," Cordelia said escorting the woman to a chair. "We specialize in dealing with problems the police don't believe in."
Angel faded into the background as Wesley and Gunn joined them from the inner office.
"May I get you some tea Ms." Wesley asked.
"Kelly Ricks," the woman replied. "Do you have coffee?"
"I told you the tea idea wasn't going to fly," Gunn said to Wesley.
"I just though some of our clients might prefer a beverage that actually soothes the nerves rather than exciting them," Wesley replied picking up a mug from the counter. "Ms. Ricks, if you could tell us your story?"
"Don't give me a cup you want back," Kelly advised.
"Why not?" Wesley asked curiously.
"That was how it all started," Kelly said. "Two years ago, just after I'd gotten the promotion to my former position, I started noticing that I'd lose things. At first I didn't think anything of it, everyone swears that there are office gremlins that steal your pens every time you set one down, but it's literally true for me, well not the gremlins part, and back then it didn't happen every time. I just started loosing things more often than was normal and it kept getting worse; after a few months every single pen or pencil I pick up vanished off the face of the earth as soon as I let it go. Now it's any thing smaller than a notebook. But how do you tell someone something like that without them deciding to fit you for a straightjacket?"
Cordelia opened a drawer beneath the coffee machine and pulled out a package of Styrofoam cups and handed one to Wesley. "Sorry, I don't mean to be rude or anything," she said to Kelly. "But the mugs are new, and we can't afford another set."
Kelly laughed, "Don't apologize, you have no idea how good it feels just to be taken seriously."
Wesley poured a cup of coffee and handed it to Kelly as she continued her story. "Six months after that machines in my office started breaking when I tried to use them, my computer has been in constant need of repair for better than a year. I was forbidden from using the copier, printer or the fax machine several months before I was fired. I just couldn't do my job with things the way they are."
She took a sip of the coffee then made a face and set the cup on the table, Gunn watched it closely for signs of odd behavior.
"Things got better for awhile after I lost my job, for about a month nothing strange happened to me. I managed to find a similar job with a new company and my life seemed to be back on track, then it all came back with a vengeance. I didn't say anything and did everything I could to work around the problems. It just wasn't possible. This is wrecking my life and no one even believes it's happening to me," Kelly explained. "This is the part where you tell me I should go to a shrink, right?"
"No," Wesley replied. "This is the part where I ask if you have any acquaintances who practice witchcraft or voodoo."
"I never believed in things like that before this started," Kelly sighed. "I was the type who laughed at people who read their horoscopes in the paper. I wasn't someone you'd talk to about believing in voodoo. I'm not the nicest person around; I saw the world in a way that left no room for any occult nonsense and I was more than willing to ridicule those who were more open minded. If someone I knew believed in things like that, they wouldn't have told me."
"Your problems sound like some form of hex," Wesley said thoughtfully. "It is entirely possible that you unwittingly insulted a practitioner of the dark arts and they did this simply to teach you a lesson."
"If this is a lesson, I've learned it!" Kelly said. "What do I have to do to get this stopped? I don't have any pride left; I'll go down on my knees and beg if that's what it takes. I just want my life back."
"I think we should be able to break the hex," Wesley replied. "I'll need to do some research, if you'll leave your phone number, we'll get back to you when we've determined how to undo this. It shouldn't take more than a few days."
"You'll have to write it down for me," Kelly said with a sickly laugh. "If I write it, you won't be able to find the paper."
"Gunn, could you hand me a pencil?" Cordy asked. Gunn leaned over and grabbed a pencil from the jar on Cordy's desk and tossed it too her.
"It's (234) 993-4893," Kelly said. Cordy scribbled the number down then Wesley escorted her out the door.
A moment after Kelly left Gunn suddenly exclaimed, "What happened to her cup? I swear I never took my eyes off it, but it's not there!"
"Who ever cast that hex has a sense of humor," Cordelia said. "How many time do people say that sort of thing happens, then to have actually be true."
"A rather cruel sense of humor," Wesley said selecting a volume from the shelf. "Whatever close-minded rants Ms. Ricks may have indulged in she didn't deserve to have her life disrupted like this."
"I know, still you've got to admit it's more poetic justice-y than most things we." Cordelia trailed off as her hands flew to her head, Angel caught her before she could fall, holding her steady as the vision slammed through her nervous system. "A couple of vampires going on a rampage at the movie theater on 3rd and West Wind," she reported when it finished.
"That doesn't sound to bad," Wesley said. "Gunn, Angel, do you think you could handle it? I'd like to start researching Ms. Ricks' problem."
"Sure thing, English," Gunn said. "You know how much I love it when you try to rope me into research."
"Angel?" Wesley asked. "If this is too soon for you just say so."
"I'm fine," Angel said quickly.
"Okay, we're on it," Gunn said selecting a sword from the weapon's cabinet and waving Angel toward the door.
~~~*~~~
"Where's Angel?" Xander asked as he walked into the office.
"I had a vision, he and Gunn are taking care of it. They left maybe fifteen minutes ago," Cordelia said off-handedly.
"He's what!" Xander exclaimed.
"It's a minor issue," Wesley said as he took down some notes. "Angel assured us he's up to it and Gunn's with him."
"Don't you think it might have been a good idea to take things slow?" Xander asked.
"Angel's back to his old self," Cordy said. "He worked through everything and now he's fine."
"I don't think." Xander started to say then sighed remembering his promise. "Where'd they go? It can't hurt anything to have another person as back up."
"Vampires, movie theater, 3rd and West Wood. Knock yourself out," Cordy said. "But they've probably got everything under control by now."
"Thanks," he said turning and walking back out. As he hurried back to his car Xander muttered, "Hasn't anybody heard of easing into things? One day back and they think it's all cotton candy and roses. I knew I shouldn't have left."
Xander parked illegally at the theater then ran for the lobby, to his surprise it was quiet, but the broken glass of the display counter told him that it hadn't always been the case.
"What happened?" He asked the girl working the register gesturing to the broken counter.
"You wouldn't have believed it," the girl said excitedly, "They was this huge fight, three weird looking guys came in and just started attacking people, one of them grabbed me, I think he was going to * bite * me. Then these other two guys showed up, they saved us. I think I must have fainted, one minute I was a hostage or whatever, and then the bad guys were gone and this really cute guy was helping me up. He was so sweet, asking me if I were okay and everything; it was like something from a romance novel. I wish he'd stuck around long enough to give me his number, but he split right after all the excitement."
~~~*~~~
Xander grumbled about the parking ticket he'd picked up all the way back to Angel Investigation's offices.
"I guess you were too slow to get any excitement," Gunn said when Xander walked in the door. "Me and Angel took care of everything."
"Where is Angel?" Xander asked.
"He said he was feeling a little tired, I dropped him off at the warehouse on the way back," Gunn said with a shrug. "It was pretty exciting for a first day back I guess, but Angel handled himself fine."
"Sure," Xander said turning and heading out to his car again.
~~~*~~~
"Angel? You in here?" Xander asked running up the stairs to Angel's room.
How can he stand to live in here, Xander wondered to himself glancing around the barren area. I'm getting him some posters or something before I head back to Sunnydale. At least I should make sure he gets a bed or something better than that stupid cot.
"Angel!" Xander yelled wandering back into the warehouse. "I feel like I'm play hide and seek here. Where are you?"
Xander found a basement entrance and headed down, he frowned in confusion at the slats leaned up against a low overhead beam, bisecting the little room. Somehow the lay out seemed oddly familiar.
When Xander saw Angel huddled against the back wall it all fell into place.
"Aw Angel," Xander sighed. He shoved aside several of the makeshift bars and crouched on the floor beside the older vampire. "I told you this was going to fast. You can't just pretend nothing happened. You're not hurt are you?"
Angel shook his head slightly, cringing away from Xander.
Xander bit his lip unhappily. "I'll just leave you alone for awhile," he said after a few moments. "You're probably a little overwhelmed. If you're not back to normal by this evening I'll call Cordy for help, okay?"
~~~*~~~
Xander smiled with relief when Angel joined him in the kitchen for breakfast that afternoon. "You're feeling better?" he asked.
"I'm fine," Angel said, emptying a carton of blood into a mug.
"You're looking better," Xander commented.
"Good. I don't want to worry anyone," Angel replied.
"You're not going back to the agency like nothing happened," Xander said.
"This morning was a slip," Angel said. "Nothing important."
"This morning you were having a breakdown in a recreation of the cell beneath the Bronze. You call that nothing?" Xander demanded.
"And I'm find now," Angel said. "I kept it together long enough to do what needed doing, what happened afterwards doesn't matter."
"Knock, knock!" Cordelia yelled. The two vampires heard her opening the warehouse's outer door.
"Don't tell them," Angel asked. "Please? It would only upset them."
"Okay," Xander sighed, hating that he knew better, but still felt too guilty about Angel to refuse.
"Thanks."
"Angel, remember me telling you I kept some of your old stuff?" Cordelia said coming around the corner carrying a large box.
Angel hurried to take it from her.
"I guess you forgot to unpack while you were staying with me. It made it easy taking it here. I saved some of your books, all of your drawings, your photo of Buffy, of course, a few other odds and ends." Cordelia gave Angel a quick grin. "If I'd know I was going to be able to give this stuff back to you I would have saved everything."
"Thanks," Angel replied. "I really appreciate this."
"What are friends for," Cordelia laughed. "Come on, I'll give you a ride to the office."
"Thanks," Angel replied. "Bye Xander, I'll see you in the morning."
"I'm coming with you," Xander said.
You don't have to bother," Angel said escorting Cordelia out. "Everything went great yesterday, didn't it Cordy?"
"Just like old times," Cordelia replied happily.
~~~*~~~
". And then he just walked out!" Xander exclaimed. "What was I supposed to do? Angel seriously needs help, but he can pretend well enough to fool his friends. As long as Cordy and Wes think Angel's okay they're happy. If Angel's not okay, they're miserable and Cordy ends up doing stupid things. If she gets hurt Angel's going to blame himself, which would probably send him straight to the nuthouse and maybe Wes'll go off the deep end too just to keep him company. What am I supposed to do?"
"But you're okay?" Anya asked. "Not just faking okay like Angel, right?"
"Of course I am," Xander said, leaning over to kiss Anya's cheek. "I'm just worried about Angel, that's all."
~~~*~~~
"I think I've got it," Wesley exclaimed. "Unless Ms. Ricks' hex is really something exotic this charm should protect her."
"I'll call her," Cordy said. "How much do you think we can charge her, seeing as how she's out of work and all?"
"I'd go with half our baseline rate," Wesley said, "Unless you want to try the installment plan again?"
"No thank you," Cordy replied. "I've noticed people are much more ready to part with the cash when their memories are fresh. I'm guessing you'd be opposed to hexing clients who stiff us right?"
"Cordelia!" Wesley exclaimed.
"It was just a suggestion," Cordy said. "I mean this is a business not a charity right?"
"Please call Kelly, tell her to come in this afternoon so I can give her the charm and perform a protective spell," Wesley sighed. "Half our baseline, ask for payment up front, she's probably the type to stop believing as soon as the problem's gone."
"Got it," Cordy said.
"This money stuff is always so much fun," Gunn said sarcastically to Angel.
Angel nodded in response.
~~~*~~~
"You really think this can help?" Xander asked.
"Of course, if I've learned anything as a Scooby, it's the value of research," Anya replied.
"Yeah, but this problem isn't exactly of the monster variety." Xander pointed out.
"Yes, that's why we're looking for answers in the psychology section of the library." Anya said.
~~~*~~~
Kelly set down the pencil turned her back on it for a minute then turn around picked it up and laugh joyously. "It's over! How can I thank you?"
"Prompt payment would be more than sufficient," Wesley said as Cordelia presented her with an invoice.
"Gladly," Kelly said writing out a check. "This is like getting out of jail. I'm free to have a life again."
Angel smiled wistfully at the excited girl, with the lifting of the hex she seemed years younger and full of a life that had been totally absent when she first arrived. "Good luck," he told her quietly.
"Thanks," Kelly replied smiling broadly. "You guys are the greatest."
"Thank you," Cordelia replied accepting the check eagerly.
~~~*~~~
Xander sighed in relief at the sight of Angel, upstairs, sitting in the kitchen, a sketchpad in his lap, drawing.
"I take it everything when well today?" Xander asked.
"Wes helped a girl. It's funny how breaking a curse is a good thing for everyone else," Angel replied, not looking up from his drawing. "You take away the curse and they've got a new lease on life. With us the curse breaks and we're death incarnate. Which isn't to say that we're free to live right now."
"A rock and a hard place," Xander agreed.
"I was thinking more along the lines of damned if you do, damned if you don't," Angel said.
Curious Xander leaned over Angel's shoulder to look at what he was drawing. "Is that Buffy?" he asked. "She looks so young."
Angel looked at the drawing sadly. "I drew her like she was before she was called, I have that memory from both dimensions," he said. "She was so innocent then, she didn't know what it felt like to have the world's weight on her shoulders yet. I wanted to help her bare that burden, instead I just made it worse."
Xander glanced away, uncomfortably. After a few moments he said. "You know even when things were at their worst she never quit loving you."
"And that's why Riley left her, why she never had a fair shot at being happy. She would have been better off if she'd never met me," Angel said.
"I can guess cheering you up is a hopeless battle," Xander sighed.
~~~*~~~
Kelly tossed and turned, moaning softly in pain.
Giving up on sleep she got up and made her way to the bathroom. As she walked she pressed her fingertips to her temples, feeling like she needed to hold on to keep the pain from tearing her head apart.
She ran cold water over a washrag, rung it out, then folded it into a rectangle and held it to her forehead. "Oh yeah, this is the stuff," she sighed, heading back toward bed.
She stumbled over a box on the floor and dropped the washrag; it disappeared before it hit the floor.
For a few minutes Kelly groped around for the rag, then turned on the lights for a more careful search.
"No, this isn't happening!" she yelled when no sign of the rag turned up and her headache went into overdrive.
Crying from pain and frustration, Kelly began grabbing up things around the apartment and hurtling them at the walls. Each object vanished only split seconds after leaving her hands.
~~~*~~~
"You said he was fine," Anya said.
"Yesterday," Xander replied. "The day before that he was definitely not fine. Who knows what he's going to be like when I get home today or tomorrow?"
"Okay, if he's bad again tomorrow we should research tomorrow. Today, I think we should go out to a movie or dinner or something," Anya suggested.
Xander sighed, "Anh, just because Angel acts okay some of the time doesn't mean he's okay. In fact the way he can turn everything off and act normal sort of scares me."
"Why?" Anya asked. "Isn't it better than having him mope forever?"
"He doesn't fix anything Anh, he just pushes it away," Xander said. "What happens when he doesn't have anywhere left to hide from it?"
~~~*~~~
Angel felt his normal tension recede as he walked back to the warehouse. It had been another quiet, undemanding day. Gunn was getting antsy and Cordelia bemoaned the lack of income, but Angel found himself grateful for the peace.
"I. I recognize you," a voice said in a quavering tone of accusation.
Angel turned and saw Kelly standing on the other side of the street. She looked tired and hopeless.
"I want my money back," she demanded as she approached Angel. "You guys didn't fix anything!" She picked up a rock and threw it at him. He flinched, backing away from her even though the rock disappeared as it left her hand.
"You made it worse!" Kelly accused, backing Angel against a wall. "I hurt! Ever since the day after you 'fixed' things I've been hurting! You did this to me!"
Kelly punched Angel angrily then crumpled in a heap at his feet, sobbing.
Angel stood, frozen, his back pressed against the building behind him, staring down at the girl.
"I'm sorry," Angel whispered after a long while. "I tried, we tried, I should have know better. I'm sorry."
Angel slid past Kelly, taking care not to touch her and started toward the warehouse again.
"Don't leave me," Kelly whimpered. "You have to make it better."
"I can't make anything better," Angel replied.
"Please," Kelly cried hurrying after him. Angel kept walking, ignoring the girl.
"Angel," a gentle voice reprimanded him.
"I can't Buffy," Angel replied.
"Who are you talking to?" Kelly demanded, looking around wildly.
Angel listened for the other voice, not even bothering to look at Kelly. Only silence answered him.
"This is what happens when I try," Angel continued defensively after a few moments. "I fail and everything's worse and it's all my fault!"
He squirmed uncomfortable. Even though Buffy hadn't said anything, he could feel the weight of her disapproval. Angel sighed in defeat. "Tell me what I'm supposed to do."
"I can't hold your hand every time you have act, Angel," Buffy said tiredly. "And this is your sort of problem, not mine. You remember how to deal with this you just don't feel it yet."
"I'll take her to Wes," Angel said. "He can deal with this, I can't."
"You can too!" Buffy insisted.
"Wes can take care of it," Angel reiterated stubbornly, Buffy sighed.
Angel turned around and started back to the office, Kelly followed after him. Two blocks later their path was blocked by a hulking demon, it stood nearly two feet taller than Angel, and was easily twice his weight. Three glittering, solid blue eyes dominated its otherwise human face.
As it stalked toward them Angel felt a welcome rush of adrenaline. Fight or flight reflexes kicking in, a choice made, singularity, he'd pay for it later.
Angel pushed Kelly behind him protectively. "I'm more trouble that you're interested in," he told the demon, letting his features shift to the vampire.
"I require the girl. alive," the demon replied.
"Then we're all on the same side here," Angel said.
The demon peered more closely at Angel. "Oh you, I'd heard you were dust. When I saw her with one of your kind I assumed her champion was already dead."
"I'm not," Angel said feeling the reaction beginning to set in as the adrenaline faded from his system. "So either get out of the way or make yourself useful."
The demon threw back its head and laughed, revealing sharp, predatory fangs. "We're not on the same side, Angel," it said. "I'm here to prevent her from being helped."
Angel licked his lips nervously, struggling to reclaim the proper frame of mind as he readied himself for a fight.
The demon's first punch knocked Angel into the street. Angel rolled to his feet and attacked the creature. It simply absorbed several blows then slammed Angel into the building.
Angel shook his head, trying to clear it; he looked up to see the demon looming over him. He brought up a foot and kicked it back then struggled to his feet.
The demon responded by knocking him to the pavement again.
"I'm not going to win am I?" Angel asked rhetorically as he rolled to avoid having his ribs broken by a heavy foot.
"Then run!" Buffy's disembodied voice screamed.
Without thinking Angel scrambled to his feet, ducked under the demon's fist, caught Kelly's hand and took off at a sprint in the direction from which they'd come.
After dodging through several abandoned buildings and empty lots Angel slowed to a stop.
"What was that thing?" Kelly asked fearfully. "What are you?"
"We'll double back," Angel said. "I have to get you to Wes and the others, they'll figure out the right thing to do. I'm sure we lost the demon."
"What are you?" Kelly repeated as Angel started leading her toward the offices by a more roundabout route.
"It's a long story," Angel said. "I'm on your side, lets leave it at that."
Three blocks after they started back the demon confronted them again, this time Angel didn't try to fight; at the first glimpse of the creature he hurried Kelly back into the maze of alleys in another attempt to lose it.
~~~*~~~
"How long ago did he leave the offices?" Xander asked.
"A few hours," Cordelia said, he could hear the worry in her voice even over the phone. "Isn't he back at the warehouse yet?"
"I'll start looking for him," Xander said.
"We'll do the same," Cordy replied. "Sun's going to be up soon."
"I know," Xander said.
~~~*~~~
"It's like it senses every time we stop running!" Kelly exclaimed in a voice filled with both frustration and dread.
Angel forced his mind through a quick meditation exercise, trying to stave off the inevitable reaction. Being the subject of the demon's prolonged hunt was eating up reserves that he simply didn't have.
Physically it had been too many years since he'd had the freedom to be active and mentally it was worse, there was too much of the other. His memories of the early months in LA told him he could deal with this, but that past, with it's carefully controlled and regulated emotions was drowned beneath Puppy's murky memories of days and weeks spent curled around wounds that never really healed, wounds that his body still ached faintly from.
Those feelings were overwhelming, the remembrance of how the sound of footsteps on the stairs went from being a warning to ready himself for another attempt to break him, to a source of terror, to simply another sound. He'd told Wesley and Cordelia about the first two stages, hoping to shock them, to revolt them, to make them go away so he could slip back into the undemanding existence he'd led before Whistler showed him Buffy. He hadn't told them about the third stage, about the resignation. It was the worst; the quiet hopelessness after he'd stopped dreaming of escape, stopped dreaming period, or wishing, or even caring. When all that was left was waiting and waiting meant nothing, it was just the blurry aching time between the sharper pain of torture sessions.
It had been so long since he'd had to make choices, freedom from that cage and the misery of that life meant nights like tonight; a seemingly endless chain of decisions, each of which could potentially leave him dead and Kelly at their pursuer's mercy.
Act, react, decide and even the part of him that did those things got it wrong at least as often as he got it right, no matter what his friends tried to tell him.
Dawn was coming, that would certainly limit his choices and wasn't that what he wanted? Maybe he could just stand his ground and die. Kelly could make a run for it, get to the others, get real help while he kept the demon busy with killing him.
"As your semi-official guardian angel, I'm really against that plan," Buffy told him.
"Is that what you are?" Angel asked. "I've been wondering."
"Sort of," Buffy replied, Angel could sense her casual shrug even if he couldn't see it. "I thought it has symmetry, as Giles would say, when we first met you were mine, now I'm yours."
"So you're vetoing kamikaze missions," Angel said.
"You don't want to die like this," Buffy said. "Not here, not now."
"What should I do?" Angel asked.
Buffy groaned in frustration. "Think Angel! You're as good at this stuff as I am."
"What kind of guardian angel are you any way?" Angel teased, despite the situation he felt oddly relaxed and happy that she was staying so long. He didn't even care that Kelly was looking more scared every second he spent holding a conversation with apparently empty air.
"You shouldn't even be able to hear me," Buffy exclaimed. "If you weren't."
"If I wasn't what?" Angel asked.
Angel got the feeling that Buffy was embarrassed. "Crazy," she said softly. "Really little kids and crazy people can sense me. and you. Since you haven't been a kid in centuries that doesn't leave many options."
"I knew it must have some advantages," Angel said with a care-for-not shrug. "Other than telling me to think about something other than suicide you're not going to help are you? Not that I really mind, I like having you here."
"I'm helping you stay calm," Buffy protested. ".Although that's more a side effect of you having someone to talk to than any mystical powers stuff."
~~~*~~~
"I'm in the tunnels, that's why the reception's so poor," Xander explained.
"Maybe you should get back to the warehouse," Cordy suggested. "What with the sun and all."
"I can go anywhere Angel can," Xander pointed out. "I called Anya, she wanted to help too. I had her go to the office to make sure that Angel didn't end up back there. Did anything happen last night?"
"Nope, it was all's quiet on the demon front," Cordy replied.
"Anything at all," Xander pushed. "Anything that might have upset Angel?"
"Xander, we spent the whole night going back and forth between helping Wes with the new cataloging system for our reference books and Gunn with weapons maintenance. I almost fell asleep on the job it was so dull last night," Cordy replied.
~~~*~~~
Angel and Kelly both lay collapsed in the narrow passage. The access tunnel was barely wider than the breath of Angel's shoulders; there was no way the over-sized demon could get to them here.
Kelly's rapid heartbeat and ragged breathing echoed in the closed space. The salty smell of her tears filled the air. "I guess terror is good for something," she said in a faltering voice. "I barely noticed the pain while I was busy running for my life."
Angel didn't answer her; he was too trapped in his own delayed reaction to the night. His eyes were wide and dilated, focusing on nothing as shakes wracked his body. A sheen of sweat covered his skin and thoughts whirled through his mind with a random speed that left him unable to grasp any of them long enough for comprehension.
Buffy hovered near Angel worriedly. After several long minutes his eyes focused on her, somehow it was easier to concentrate on Buffy than on anything else. They were bound together, had been from the night they'd met. They'd loved each other when it was pure insanity, and nothing had changed that, not Hell nor two years separation, not death, either his death or hers and his return to life certainly couldn't change it now. Even now, she was here, when he needed her most she was always here.
But she looked so worried, Angel hated that he was causing her pain again.
"It's not your fault," Buffy told him. "They shouldn't have used the restoration spell on Puppy, he already had his own soul, even if it was broken. The spell burned up too much of your strength before Willow got involved. Why couldn't they leave well enough alone?"
"They were only trying to help," Angel said.
"I know and I want to think that maybe it could still work out," Buffy said. "There were so many things that got left unresolved when you died, it made you unhappy. You wanted to make things right with your friends and you felt like you failed the PTB. You did your best thought; you were getting things back together. You did save their lives, and Kate's that night. If you'd had more time, you'd have made up for what happened with Darla. It wasn't your fault that you died."
"I'm trying to make up for that now, but it's not working. I can't do anything right."
"Well Puppy isn't exactly helping you deal," Buffy said with a touch of bitterness. "If they'd given him a decade of so maybe he could have come to terms, but oh no they had to fix things NOW and now you're stuck with Puppy. Hopeless, helpless, defeated Puppy."
"Even on my best days no one would accuse me of being an optimist and really Puppy and I are the same person, just with a few years of different experiences," Angel pointed out.
"But you fix things," Buffy protested. "Puppy just ends up paralyzed by what happened to him during those years."
Buffy glanced over at Kelly; Angel's eyes followed hers. The woman was in pain, afraid and being stalked by a demon.
"I can't help anyone," Angel protested.
"Come on Beloved, now isn't the time," Buffy told Angel. He felt the connection between them strengthen.
"It's never the time," he groused. "I don't want to do this, there are too many ways it can go wrong."
"I believe in you," Buffy told Angel with a gentle smile, her hand hovering over his cheek.
Angel turned his head as if to nuzzle her palm. "It almost seems like you're really here," Angel said. "I like being able to see you."
"You never have bad hair days after you're dead," Buffy told him smugly.
"I don't know why you worry about your hair so much," Angel said, relaxing as the discussion brought other times to mind. "It always looked nice to me."
"You were always biased," Buffy replied. "But it's time to go to work. I know you smell her pain, isn't it time you did something about it?"
Angel glanced at Kelly. "She can't take much more," he said quietly.
"Yeah, you've got to help her."
"I can't"
"You can!" Buffy snapped. "I'll help. We've got to take this one step at a time, how does the big ugly keep finding you?"
"Kelly was right, he comes every time we stop running," Angel said. He paused. For a second he looked irritated, then his expression transmuted into fear. "He isn't finding us, he's playing with us. Letting us think we've escaped, then when we gather ourselves he appears and sends us running again."
At Angel's words Kelly uncurled enough to stare at him. "That's what it's been doing all along," she said in a pained voice. "Waiting for me to find hope, just so it could take it away again."
Angel nodded solemnly, his dark eyes filling with sympathy. "It's been escalating all along," he realized. "Things disappearing more and more. Then the electrical malfunctions. You said it got better when you gave up, but once you started putting your life back together it all came back. After we got involved, when you fought back with magic, then the pain started. Now there's an eight-foot demon keeping us from getting help. I've seen this before. damn it, where have I seen this?"
"Angel, relax, it'll come to you," Buffy advised.
"It hasn't killed," Angel said reflectively. "Not even me, not even when it threatened to. Why not? What does it get by just chasing us?"
"More fear?" Buffy asked.
"Wouldn't she be even more afraid, more hopeless, if it killed the people she went to for help?" Angel asked. "I don't think it can kill. It hasn't got permission? Summoned to do someone's bidding. that fits."
~~~*~~~
I'm sure Angel had been there," Xander said when the whole group was assembled back at the office. "Angel and some girl, she's human, I don't know her, but I couldn't get to them, this big, really big, demon kept chasing me off every time I tried to follow their trail."
"A demon?" Wesley asked. "What sort? It may give us a clue as to what's going on."
"It was big," Xander said. "Eight feet tall, better than four hundred pounds big. Three eyes."
"Deep, bright blue right?" Angel asked and Xander nodded. "Camphmore," she said decisively. "A colleague from my demon days. We went out a few times. He specializes in professional jealousy. He usually goes for long drawn out vengeance. I was always a one shot type of girl, but romantic betrayal generally gets the emotions flowing right from the start, I mean how many times can you ask for a person's privates to shrivel up and fall off before it gets redundant? Cam didn't have that kind of emotion to work with, usually it was all petty stuff, so he'd let them start small and then work from there, eventually they'd ask him for something nasty enough to be worth doing."
"Wait a minute, professional jealousy?" Gunn asked. "And Angel was with a girl? Didn't Kelly say all her problems started right after she got a promotion?"
"She did," Wesley replied a light dawning.
"We need to find out who didn't get that job don't we?" Cordy asked, and started pulling up files on the computer without waiting for a response.
~~~*~~~
Angel moved several yards down the tunnel from Kelly
"You can follow the demon can't you?" he asked Buffy quietly.
"Sure, follow it where?"
"To the summoner," Angel replied. "It can't get to us here, it'll have to go back for instructions. I'm going to go out there, it'll come for me, I'll come back here, you'll find out who's pulling the strings."
"Then what?" Buffy asked.
"Then you'll take me too it," Angel said.
"Um. what about the demon?"
"It comes when we start thinking, planning, I'm not going to," Angel said. "There's a part of me that's very good at following orders without thought or hope."
"Okay, I believe that," Buffy said. "But what about her, and what happens when we get there?"
"She stays here until it's safe. I'll figure out the rest when I get there, or you will."
~~~*~~~
"Wendy Carl, worked at the same place Kelly as did when this started, they have similar backgrounds, she probably applied for the same job, plus her family's from Sunnydale, she had a younger sister who the Scoobies met after she started summoning ghosts to help her pass history."
"I remember that," Xander said. "They were really pissed off about the whole being disturbed from their eternal rest, I can." he glanced at Anya then trailed off.
"It was unpleasant. The things people do to get ahead," Cordy said shaking her head. "I've got an address."
"What are we waiting for?" Gunn asked.
~~~*~~~
Kelly watched Angel withdraw from reality, it wasn't the first time he'd done it that night, but it still scared her. He was the only possible source of help she'd been able to get to and what if he didn't come back this time?
They'd tried one more quickly aborted break for it, then they'd retreated back here, and Angel had retreated to somewhere considerably farther away from the blank, emptiness in his expression.
After about a half hour of waiting, Angel stood up and walked away. Terrified of being left behind Kelly scurried after him. As they left the access passage, Kelly felt her heart rate accelerate. She hung back; ready to dart back to the safety of the cramped tunnel when the demon appeared, but still keeping Angel in sight.
The demon never appeared, but Kelly still felt more and more exposed the further they moved from their retreat, still she couldn't bring herself to go back alone, what if something else came for her, something smaller than the monstrosity that had pursued them through the day and previous night?
Kelly followed Angel across town, into a residential area, followed him up the stairs to the landing outside of an apartment. There he paused. Kelly crept closer. To her alarm he staggered, then after leaning heavily against the wall for a long moment Angel seemed to collect himself and straightened. He glanced at the welcome mat in front of the door. "That makes life easy," he said to himself, then kicked the door open and walked in.
"Who do you think you are!" a vaguely familiar voice demanded and Kelly hurried after Angel into the apartment.
"How are you summoning it?" Angel responded glaring threatening at the tall, brown haired woman through amber eyes.
"Wendy?" Kelly asked in surprise. "You're the one that's been doing this to me? Why?"
"Do you have any idea what I did to get that position?" Wendy practically growled, spinning on the other woman, Angel apparently forgotten.
"No, but it couldn't have been work," Kelly snapped. "I would have noticed if you'd ever done anything like that."
"Screw you!" Wendy snarled, "You think you're so great, picking up your life and moving on. No matter what I do you always get everything! Well no more, Cam's been begging me for this." The woman clutched at a jeweled statue and yelled, "Cam! You can kill her. I want you to kill her, and her friend. Fuck making her suffer, just make her dead."
Angel lunged for the statue as the demon that had been chasing them squeezed through the open door.
Wendy danced back, putting her sofa between herself and Angel. "Go ahead and kill them Cam!" she shrieked, "Heck go ahead and kill everyone at work. I hate 'em all, they never appreciate anything I do!"
Kelly tackled Wendy, "That's because you never did anything, you crazy bitch!" she yelled. The statue fell to the floor, as the two women fought.
Cam grabbed Angel by the shoulder, grinning wickedly the demon tossed him across the room. Angel's body smashed Wendy's kitchen table as he landed. He rolled to his feet and dove for the statue. As Cam came at him again, Angel hurled the statue to the floor then stamped on it, shattering it into a million pieces.
Cam froze where he stood, then he began to shrink in on himself, in a few seconds the enormous, three-eyed, demon was an average man. "What have you done?" he demanded. "I'm human."
"They made you human?" Angel asked in disbelief. "That's your punishment?" The dark haired vampire dropped onto the sofa and started laughing.
"This is disgusting, awful," Cam growled, glaring from his new form to the souled vampire. Angrily the former demon snatched up a wooden shard from the broken table and stalked toward Angel.
"Don't even think about it," an icy voice told him. Cam looked toward the doorway to see five latecomers, including a furious brunette, who was aiming a crossbow at his chest. Defeated Cam dropped his makeshift stake.
"Hi Cam, long time no see," Anya greeted the other former demon cheerfully.
While Gunn separated the two women, Wesley, Cordy and Xander went to check on Angel. The three stared at each other in bewilderment as Angel kept laughing helplessly as tears ran down his cheeks.
"Angel?" Cordy asked in concern.
"They. punished him. by making him. human," Angel gasped, still laughing and crying uncontrollably. "God. Why. couldn't. someone. have done. that. to me?"