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Part 1
"Well, he ... he actually told you? He, he said, "I love you"?"
The silence created by the lull between tracks on the CD playing softly
in the background made the question seem to come out a lot louder than
she'd intended.
"Well, I-I didn't let him get that far, but ... I could see the words
coming."
Willow dug her nails into her palms to stop her hands from shaking and
hoped that Buffy and Joyce were too occupied to notice. She swallowed
hard as she recognised the opening notes of the next track.
/ Do you always have to tell him everything on your mind?
You know that too much honesty can be so unkind /
"Honey, did you ... somehow, unintentionally, lead him on in any way?
Uh, send him signals?"
/ And every time you throw him to the floor
Why are you surprised to see he's breakable? /
Buffy looked thoughtfully at her mother for a moment.
"Well, I ... I do beat him up a lot. For Spike that's like third base."
Joyce practically leapt up from her place on the sofa and started to
pace.
/ You always try to find what's holding him away from you
But do you ever see your anger standing there, right between you? /
"Buffy, um ... I'm really worried." Willow said, trying to steady her
voice.
/ And every time you throw him to the wall
Why are you surprised to see he's breakable? /
"So am I. He could become dangerous."
"Not really. As long as it's still chips ahoy in Spike's head he can't
hurt me, or any of us. You know, besides, this'll probably just blow
over. You know? It's just some weird Spike thing. He'll have the hots
for some gak demon before we know it."
/ Tell the world that he's breaking your heart
Go tell the world nothing's ever your fault
Go tell them all /
* You're going to wear a hole in that carpet if you don't stop pacing
back and forth you silly woman * Willow thought, feeling anger bubbling
up inside her at how utterly clueless Buffy was being.
"Well, well, you made it clear, right? That it could never happen. That
there's no possible way. Ever."
"Yeah!" Buffy said, as if she was trying to convince herself.
"I, I think so. I don't know, I, I was just so thrown."
/ And every time you throw him to the floor
Why are you surprised to see he's breakable? /
"Oh, BULLSHIT" Willow exploded.
Joyce and Buffy both looked up in shock.
"Wha...?"
Buffy didn't get a chance to finish her word before one of the coffee
cups on the table flew across the room and shattered against the wall,
leaving a dark stain upon impact.
"Uh... sorry about that... but.. but.. but... you lead him on, and you
know you do. You love the attention. You just can't help yourself."
/ And every time you push him to the wall
Why are you surprised to see he's breakable? /
Buffy's mouth hung open in astonishment at the outburst.
"But I don... "
"Don't even try and pretend you don't know what I'm talking about,
Buffy! You *know* what Spike's background is - look at him and Drusilla
- he loved her for nearly a hundred years. He doesn't just have passing
infatuations! It might be all a big game to you, but it's not to him!"
Willow's chest was heaving with the force of the emotions that were
flooding through her.
"Don't even try and tell me you haven't noticed the effort he's been
making this past while! Good goddess, he even turned up at the Bronze
wearing chinos! For you! All for you! and all you can do is play with
him like he's some sort of punchbag. Well he's not. He might be a
vampire, but they have feelings too, and he's obviously got very strong
feelings. For you."
Willow slumped down onto the couch, realising that she was babbling.
"You make me sick. It wasn't enough that Riley loved you body, heart
and
soul, was it? He was too good for you. Not enough bad. He wasn't Angel
enough for you, so you had to go looking for the next best thing.
Spike. Well you got him... but now you have you don't want him? That
just plain sucks, Buffy! You can't just play with people like that.
You
don't never know what damage you might be causing... if he becomes
dangerous it will all be your fault!"
"How can it be my fault! It's not my fault if Spike is all delusional...
that chip in his head has obviously scrambled more of his brain than
we
realised" Buffy bit back.
"Oh just shut UP already" Willow spat.
"You're so clueless. You have absolutely no idea what you've done, do
you?"
"What do you mean what I've done?"
"You made him love you... and now he'll never love me..." Willow said
in
a small voice.
Outside the window, the flare of a lighter illuminated a pale face
wearing the same shocked impression as Buffy and Joyce were currently
wearing.
"Well, I'll be damned" he said, taking a deep draw on his cigarette.