"WILLOW!" shrieked Joyce and Buffy in unison.

"You can't be serious... you just can't. You and Spike? Oh come on...
that's just ridiculous. What about Tara? I thought you didn't 'drive
stick' any more?" Buffy tried hard not to laugh at the absurdity of it.

"I'm glad you think it's so hysterical" Willows eyes were blazing with
anger once more.

"What do you find so funny? That I'd find Spike attractive or that he'd
find me attractive? Huh?"

"Willow... I... I didn't mean..." Buffy stammered slightly "It's just
that..."

"It's just that what, Buffy? What? I'm not attractive enough? I'm not
straight enough? I'm not blonde enough?"

"No... Willow... please... don't be like that..." Buffy moved over to
her friend and put her hand on her shoulder.

"Be like what? Truthful?" Willow shrugged off Buffy's hand. "You don't
like the truth much, do you? It makes you really uncomfortable, doesn't
it? You've known for weeks that Spike's been infatuated with you, and
yet you chose to ignore it when it suited you."

Joyce sat openmouthed on the Sofa, watching the scene unfolding before
her eyes. She'd never seen Willow like this.

"You were right to laugh though. It *is* a stupid idea. Me and Spike.
It'll never happen. I'm just good ole reliable Willow the friend again.
Willow the one who sits and listens to him talk about you for hours. Who
brings him ice-cream and cigarettes and blood and sympathises with him.
Hell, I even came over here tonight to try and talk you into giving him
a chance because I couldn't bear to see him so distraught. He's so
wrapped up in you, he'd never notice me. I'm just too weak and human for
him... good for a friend, but not

good enough for anything else."

"Willow... Oh god. I'm so sorry... I never knew... I had no idea...."
Buffy twisted her hands in her lap, not knowing quite what to do next.

"Don't worry about it, I didn't expect you to... " Willow spat out
bitterly. "You've been so wrapped up in your own little drama that you
haven't stopped to think of anyone else. You're selfish, Buffy. Selfish.
You don't deserve someone like Spike. He's too good for you. He has
depths that you'd never reach, or appreciate, and he's too damn
ass-backwards in love with you to see that."

"But... but... "

"Just don't, Buffy. I don't want to hear your excuses... you have to
talk to him. You have to make sure that he knows that there's no chance
of anything ever developing with you. No more leading him on. No more
"Oh Spike... you're so strong... I need your help". No more. Stop this
thing now. Before more people get hurt than already are."

"What? No. No, no, no, I can't. I can't talk to him. I can't see him. I
can't be near him at all"

"Either you want him or you don't Buffy. When you've made your decision,
go see him and put him out of his misery. He deserves at least that."

Buffy looked at Willow and realised that she wasn't going to squirm her
way out of this one. She wasn't quite sure how to deal with Willow,
she'd never seen her with quite such a strong 'resolve face' before.

"Okay. I guess you're right... Willow... I'm so sorry..." her words
trailed off as Willow stood up.

"Don't. Just don't. I... I have to go now." She ran out the door,
leaving a forlorn Buffy and a still speechless Joyce behind her, and ran
right past a bewildered Spike, still standing under the tree.

*******************************************************************************

Spike was torn, half of him wanted to run after Willow, only he had no
idea what he'd do, or say if he did... and anyway, the other half of him
wanted to stay and see what Buffy would do now.

The impact of what he'd overheard had left him reeling. Willow loved
him? When did that happen?

He rubbed his face with his hand and lit another cigarette.

He wracked his brain, trying to think if he'd missed any signals during
the time they'd spent together the last few weeks. He couldn't think of
anything. She'd just been there. A friend - the only one he could talk
to about his feelings. She had seemed to understand.

"Oh Bloody Hell"

He felt a sick feeling in his stomach as he thought of all the nights
he'd spent talking about the Slayer - no wonder she understood!

She was his friend, in fact, she was his best friend - possibly the best
he'd ever had... when no-one else would give him the time of day, she
was always there, willing not just to talk to him, but to listen to him
too. The only problem was that he just didn't feel *that way* about her.
It had never occurred to him to think of her as anything other than a
friend. Especially with the whole Tara thing.

Why did things have to be so complicated? He hated the idea of losing
Willow as a friend, but at the same time, he knew that he couldn't give
her what she wanted from him and it would be unfair of him to their
friendship to remain unchanged by tonight's events.

He felt in the pockets of the duster for the flask, and put it to his
mouth, waiting for the amber nectar to make everything better... but
there was nothing there. Just a couple of pathetic drips.

"Damnit. I need a drink. A really big drink."

He threw the cigarette down on the ground, stamped on it and then strode
off in the direction of Willie's Bar, not hearing the door to the
Summers' house opening and Buffy coming out just in time to see him
leave.

"Oh god. He was here again... oh no... I hope... nah... he couldn't have
heard anything..."
 

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