We're writin' and we can't seem to stop!
***********************************************************
Spike was watching the rainstorm from the living room
window. A  flash of
lightning illuminated  Angel's car as it pulled past the
house.  Angel and Willow  were
home.  They had decided that he should not park in her
driveway, in case her neighbors
saw and told her parents she was entertaining guests while
they were away.
"The bloody poofter's got a parasol." Spike mumbled to
himself as he watched
Angel and Willow walk up the driveway.  Because of the
storm, there was a lack of
sunlight.  It allowed Angel to be outside, even though it
was still daylight.
Evidently, he had picked Willow up.  She had been
obligated to stay later than
usual on campus for a study group she lead.  Spike opened
the door for both of them.
"Hello, Peaches. Or should I say -  Mary Poppins?"
Angel folded up the enormous umbrella and unwrapped his
bulky coat from his
body. He tossed both items at a stunned Spike and sauntered
off to the living room.
"You make a very good butler, William."
"So, I'm a butler, eh?  Hmm. . .I feel like more of a
landscaper." Spike opened up
the front door and threw them out onto the rose bushes.  He
hoped a colony of Japanese
beetles took up residence in the damned coat.  Spike joined
them, frowning at the way
Angel was hovering over the red head as she sat on the
couch.
"I'm going upstairs to change.  Can I leave you two alone
without fear of
bloodshed?"
"I don't think so, luv.  I'd better come with you, help
you get dressed."
"We'll be fine, darling." Angel said.  He bent over and
kissed her quickly on the
mouth.
Spike bristled.  As Willow walked by him, Spike's hand
shot out to pull her down
onto his lap.  He caressed her shoulder through her  soaked
shirt. "You're  drenched
clear through to the skin, luv. Better put on new
underthings.  How about that lacy
leopard print set  you stashed in the back of your knicker
drawer? " Willow opened her
mouth to protest. "I know, I know.  You didn't buy it.
Belongs to Xander, right?"  Spike
spoke to Willow but his eyes challenged Angel.
Angel's expression darkened for a moment, then he gave the
stunned Willow a
suggestive smile. "Yes, you should do that, darling.  I'd
love to see you in that tonight."
Willow was incensed.  She faked a coughing fit.  "Sorry.
Must have choked on
the fog-like testosterone in here," She explained. "Do you
know what you two remind
me of?  Dogs fighting over a juicy bone.  If I stood still,
would you both try to pee a circle
around me to mark your territory?"  She stared at each of
them in turn until they looked
down, shamed.  "I am going upstairs and when I come back, I
hope you can both
pretend to be the gentlemen I thought you were."  She
stomped upstairs, muttering
something about 'chauvinism' and trading one kind of
'animal' for another.
Spike and Angel glowered silently at each other.  Angel,
offset enough to have
slipped into his old brogue, spoke first.  "Now, see what
you've done?"
"Shut up, Pansy."
Angel was about to reply when the doorbell rang.  They
both jumped up and
raced for the door. Angel shoved Spike back.  "They're less
likely to be suspicious of
me!"
"Right.  Even though I live here in near custody of the
Scoobys, and you live in
L.A. like some smelly hermit, I'm more suspicious." Angel
relented with a look of
disgust.  "Oh, what is that?  A dramatic glower for effect?
I'm so scared."  Angel just
sighed.
"Hello?  Why is the door locked?"  When there was no
answer.  "Umm. . .  It's
raining out here."  Xander called from outside the door.
"Wills?  Spike? I brought a
pizza!"
"Oh, it's just you."  Angel and Spike spoke in unison,
then glared at each other.
Spike  stepped forward when Angel looked less than
forthcoming and opened the door.
"Come on in, the more the merrier."  For some reason, that
phrase struck Spike.
There was something he was supposed to remember, but what
was it . . .oh well.  He
would have to figure it out later.  Right now, he had to
concentrate on getting rid of the
poof.
Xander put the pizza down on the coffee table in the den.
Spike grinned and
brought out the paper plates and a six-pack of diet coke.
"What'd you bring me?"
"Meat-lovers!"  Xander settled down to eat." What's with
the diet coke?"
"Figured the great poof would want to fit into his
favorite coat. Needs to watch
his girlish figure."  Spike shrugged.  Xander smiled,
holding back his laughter.
  Angel looked at the greasy cardboard box with disdain.
"You could at least wait
for Willow," he admonished, then as an afterthought."If
she's willing to eat that."
"Oh, and Denny's food is gourmet cuisine?"
"You took her to Denny's?" Xander said around a mouthful
of bread and cheese.
"Wow, no wonder Buffy went wild for you.  What a classy
guy."
"I like you better every minute."  Spike paused with the
pizza mid-way to his
mouth.  "That was very gutsy.  Remember, I'm chipped.  The
poof is not."
"Yes, but he's a souled poof.  Same difference."
"Arghhh!  I take it back!"  Spike was appalled. "It is
NOT!! Do you see me
skulking around like that bloody pansy, just because I
can't bite as I choose?"
Before the inevitable fight could erupt, Willow stepped
into the room.  She was
dressed in a midnight blue velvet tunic, belted with a
delicate silver chain, over her best-
fitting blue jeans.  She had the front of her hair clipped
back, and small silver hoops in
her ears. The pendant now hanging from her neck was a
pentacle.  Both vampires
stopped to admire the petite redhead.  Xander kept stuffing
his face.
"Hey Wirrow." he mumbled.
"Pet, you're a vision." Spike started to stand, but Angel
was already by her side.
"You look stunning, Willow." Angel lifted her hand and
brushed a kiss across her
knuckles.
Spike muttered something unintelligible to Angel and
Willow, but Xander almost
blew soda out of his nose.  Spike reached for another piece
to console himself when the
doorbell rang again.   Who could that be-uh oh!  Ding-dong,
slayer calling!  "Uh, Willow, I
forgot to tell you something!"
Angel crossed the room to look out the peephole.  "This
isn't good."  He said
matter -of -factly.  "Actually, this is bad.  Very.  Bad."
He swiftly turned to face the
stairs, searching for a hiding spot.
Xander gaped at Angel.  "What's the problem?  Jehovah's
Witness?" He  walked
to the peephole and peered into it. "Holy Hellmouth! It's
-"
"Buffy." Spike finished, then hurriedly explained himself.
"I forgot to tell you,
Red.  She called earlier because she was worried, thought
you were sick.  I pretended I
was you but I couldn't convince her not to come over."
The color drained from Willow's face.  "Oh no!" She
groaned.  "Quick, everybody
hide!" She stared down at her outfit in dismay, she would
have to change.   She tugged
on Xander's arm to forestall his hasty retreat upstairs.
"Not you!  It's okay if you're here.
Just help Spike hide!"
From the other side of the door, an agitated Buffy said.
"Uh, Wills?  Answer the
door.  I'm getting wet out here. Hey, whose coat is this?
And is that Xander's car?"
Willow hurriedly ran upstairs and screeched around the
corner to her bedroom.
As she ran, she pulled the tunic over her head.  Once she
got in the door, she wiggled
out of her jeans.  Angel cleared his throat. "Willow." Not
that he minded the view but he
didn't want to take advantage of her.  She turned around,
he was leaning against the
wall.  In fact, Angel mused,  she had a lovely. . .
"Then turn around!  I don't have time to find another room
to change in. " She
grabbed up her robe and belted it.  There was no time to
put on pajamas.
"You really do own leopard underwear."
"Down boy!"
She rushed out and slammed the door behind her.  Xander
was stuffing a
resisting Spike into the hallway closet.  "There's no time
for that! Just put him in the
kitchen. She'll never go in there."
Willow took the stairs two at a time as Xander hustled
behind her, towing Spike.
He pulled him to the kitchen while she answered the door.
"Buffy! Hi!" Even to Willow's ears, her voice was
overly-bright and cheerful.  She
faked a cough, then.
"What took you so long?  And why are you out of breath?"
"From the coughing."
"Whose coat is this?" Buffy asked, holding Angel's coat
aloft.
"Mine." Xander appeared behind Willow, also out of breath.
 He smiled. "Hey,
Buffster." Xander took the soggy coat gingerly and slipped
it on. "Sexy, huh?"
"Why was it outside?"
"It was all wet." Willow said lamely.
"So you left it on the rose bushes.  Whatever."  Something
was going on here.
"What are you doing here, Xander?"
"Well, I told Xander I was sick and he, uh stopped by, to
uh, cheer me up-just like
you." Buffy looked at her quizzically.  Willow faked
another cough.
"Okay," Buffy said, she looked at both of her best
friends.  They were flushed,
Willow was wearing make-up and perfume.   She also noticed
that Willow wasn't
wearing pajamas.  She looked down, and Willow had shaved
her legs.  "Oh, no. I don't
believe this.  What is wrong with you two?"
"What?" They said in unison.
"I know what's going on."  She set her damp duffle bag
down on the floor.
"You do?" Willow squeaked.
"It doesn't take Slayer senses to figure it out."
"It doesn't?"  Xander was sick to his stomach.
"Nope."  She dug into her duffle bag and pulled out the
videos.  Then she pushed
past them into the den.  She took in the two opened cans of
diet pop and half-eaten
pizza.  "Just dropping by, huh?  So all this pizza just
disappeared by itself?"
"Uhh, I was hungry.  Really hungry."  Xander offered. He
slid Angel's wet coat
off and put it on a chair.
"Right."  She removed the ice cream and headed toward the
kitchen.
"Where are you going?" Willow stepped in front of her.
"To put the ice cream in the freezer before it melts. If
you'll get out of my way."
"You're going to put that in the KITCHEN, BUFFY?"  Xander
said, trying to
project his voice over his shoulder.
"Yeah, that's usually where it goes.  Is there something
wrong with your ears,
Xander?"
"No.  I just wanted to make sure that THE KITCHEN was
where you were going,
BUFFY."
Buffy impatiently stepped around Willow and into the
kitchen.  On the table was
a vase full of wild flowers and two unlit taper candles.
Spike was on all fours, concealed
underneath the kitchen table.  Buffy hadn't noticed him.
When she looked up, all she
saw was an innocently smiling Xander.  "Is this what you
didn't want me to see?"
"I-I guess so."  Xander stalled.  He spun Buffy around and
pointed her toward the
window.  "Woah!  Did you just see that demon run past the
window?"
"Demon?' She scanned the area, there was no evidence of a
demon.  "I don't see
anything."
"Really?  He was uh. . .blue with purple spots."
Spike was able to escape into the hallway.  Willow was
trying not to panic.
"Spike-go upstairs!  Hide in the bathroom!"  He hurried up
the stairs and out of sight,
just as Buffy came back into the hallway.  She ushered
Willow and Xander towards the
den.
She sat on a chair, and motioned them to sit opposite
side.  "I know what you're
hiding.  It's perfectly clear."
"It is?" Willow hung her head, ready to confess all.
"I'm not an idiot."
"I know."  Willow said softly.
"The half-eaten pizza, the empty diet coke cans, and the
flowers and candle light
set-up.  And let's not forget. . . Willow's clothes, not
answering the door right away, the
two of you being out of breath.  I can't believe you
thought you could hide this from
me!"
"We're sorry, Buffy," Xander began.
"You guys are fooling around!"
"Fooling around?" Willow said slowly. "Oh, yes. . .you
caught us, Buffy.  We're
so sorry."
"Xander, I can't believe you'd do this.  What about Anya?"
Buffy admonished.
"I know.  What can we say, Buff?  We're sick." Xander
kicked Willow
surreptitiously. It was because of her mess that he got
dragged into this.  "Wills just can't
keep her hands off me." Willow glared at him, but couldn't
do anything about the
situation.
Buffy gaped at both of them.  "Whatever!  It's not like I
want details.  It's your
business, I guess. But remember the whole Cordelia/Oz mess?
No repeats of that, 'kay?"
She wagged her finger at Xander. "You make sure to tell
Anya immediately!"
"I will."
"Good.  I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
She scooped up her
duffle bag.
"NO!" Willow said.  Buffy looked at her strangely. "I
mean.  There's uh. . .not any
toilet paper in there.  Let me get you some." Buffy climbed
the stairs, followed by
Willow and Xander.  Willow mouthed. "Spike's in the
bathroom."
"So, you're going to the BATHROOM, BUFFY?" he shouted.
"Uh, yeah.  You should get your hearing checked, Xander."
Willow shot a pleading look at Xander. "Do something!" She
whispered.
Xander pointed to the window, visible through the open
door to Willow's
parent's bedroom.  "Buffy!  It's that damned demon again!"
He shoved Buffy through
the doorway. Willow opened the bathroom door and ushered
Spike out into the hallway
closet.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Xander?"
"You didn't see it?"
"No." She went into the bathroom and locked the door.
"Get me out of this bleedin' closet!  I'm claustrophobic
y'know!" Spike hissed.
Xander opened the door, and shoved him toward Willow's
bedroom.  "Hey, keep your
hands off me-I bruise easy.  Delicate skin, and all."
"Shut up and get in there!" Xander whispered furiously as
he slammed the door
behind him.
"Xander, who are you talking to?" asked Buffy as she
emerged from the
bathroom.
"Umm, me, he was talking to me."  Willow said.
"While facing your bedroom door?"
"He was trying to convince me to go for a. . . uh. .
.quick toss. . .before we
watched the videos you brought over." Take that, Xander!
You deserve it for the 'can't
keep my hands off you' comment!  Xander elbowed her.  She
bit her lip to keep from
crying out.
"Willow, where did you pick up that phrase?"  She turned a
disapproving eye on
Xander.  "And you should be ashamed of yourself." Willow
just shrugged.
"I know."  He hung his head.
Buffy rolled her eyes.  "Come on Willow.  Let's put your
clothes away."
"Um, in my bedroom?  Right now?"
"We're going into WILLOW"S BEDROOM?  RIGHT NOW, BUFFY?"
"Xander, you're beginning to give me a headache.  Yes,
we're going into the
BEDROOM.  But there will be NO SEX.  OKAY?" She stared at
the young man.
Meanwhile, behind her back, Willow opened the door to her
room and motioned
for the two vampires to hide.  Angel stepped into the
closet and Spike dived under the
bed.  Willow barely caught Spike's words. <Knew the bloody
poofter would head
straight for the closet.>
"Willow?"  Buffy watched as her friend appeared to be
waving at her room.  "Are
you feeling ok? And who said that?"  Buffy asked.
"I did."  Xander reassured her.  "I've been working on
throwing my voice. And..
perfecting my English accent. "
Buffy began pulling clothes out of the duffle bag, shaking
them out and setting
them on the bed. "Willow, aren't you going to hang these
up?"
"Um, sure.  I'll just put them in the closet!"
"Willow, did you say put them IN THE CLOSET?"  Xander
jumped up and ran to
the window.  "Buffy, there's that demon again!"  Xander
hopped up and down, and
pointed outside.  The minute her back was turned, Angel ran
out of the closet and dove
under the bed.  Willow reached down and readjusted the bed
skirt to cover his feet.
Buffy turned around, catching sight of something out of
the corner of her eye.
Willow smiled brightly and began to hang up her clothes.
Buffy sat on the edge of the
bed and bounced twice.  "Willow, I think your bed is
groaning.  You might want to get
new springs."
<Bloody hell, she doesn't look like she weighs that much.>
Buffy looked around,
where had that come from?
Xander grinned.  "See?  I'm pretty good at that."  Then,
he sat down next to her,
bouncing a few times himself.  He hoped that would shut
Spike up. "I think you're right,
Buffy."
"Owww!" Angel pulled Spike's hand back under the bed.
<Stop that!  You're just
giving yourself a headache, you can't really hurt him. Are
you trying to get caught?>
Spike bit him.
"What was that?" Buffy jumped up alarmed.
"Maybe it was that blue demon again.  Noisy little
sucker." Willow offered.
"What kind of demon is this, anyway?  Have you guys asked
Giles?"
"No but we think it's a screaming mimi."  Xander said
helpfully.
"Is it dangerous?" she asked, concerned.
"No.  Not to humans, anyway. " Willow was worried she
would call Giles and
they would be forced to go on a "demon goose chase."  Buffy
relaxed, her patrol started
soon, she would take care of it then.
"Willow, why aren't you wearing the cross Giles gave you?"
 She shook her head.
"I know the two of you were into sweaty fun, but you need
to keep that on."
Without thinking, Willow answered, "Oh, I think it fell
under my bed when I was
sleeping the other night."  Willow's eyes widened.  "But,
I'll get it later.  I'm not feeling
particularly bendy right now."
"Nonsense, I'll get it for you."  She climbed off the bed,
and was about to kneel
down when Xander knocked her over, covering her body with
his own.  "Xander!"
"Keep your head down.  I think the demon saw you-it was
peering in the
window!"  He hesitated.  "Because it flies."  While Xander
had her pinned, Willow
opened the closet doors and Angel and Spike scampered
inside.  Xander helped Buffy to
her feet.  "Sorry about that, Buffy.  Must've just been a
really big bird."
"Are you on crack?" She said as she reached down to
retrieve the cross again.  She
quickly spotted it and passed it to Willow.
"No . . ."  Xander searched for an excuse.  "We've been
drinking."
"Xander!"  Willow hissed.
"No more lying, Willow."  Xander turned to Buffy.  "She
got me drunk so she
could have her wicked way with me. "  He looked back at
Willow and winked.  "Told
you she can't keep her hands off me."  A sound suspiciously
like muffled laughter
emanated from the closet.
Buffy was beginning to think something else was going on.
"So, you two are
really getting together?"
"Yup."  Willow fixed a lopsided smile on her face as
Xander draped an arm over
her shoulders.
"I don't know if I can believe it."
"Believe it."  Xander said, his voice deepening.  She
wasn't buying it. He had to do
something.  He pulled Willow closer.   Sorry, Anya. Then he
kissed her.
"Owww!"
"There goes that demon again." observed Buffy.  "It almost
 sounds like it's in the
room."
"I don't think so."  Said a troubled Willow.
"Well, let's stay up here for a little while and listen
for it, just to make sure."
"Did you say that WE'RE GONNA STAY IN THE BEDROOM FOR A
WHILE,
BUFFY?"
                             ********
*Authors' Note: This whole conversation takes place in a
hushed whisper.*
Meanwhile, in the closet. . .
Angel held his hands to his ears and winced. "Why does he
keep shouting?
Doesn't he understand that we have preternatural hearing?"
"No one ever said he was the smart one."
          "I can't believe we're stuck in this closet."
Angel sigh was heavy.
"I should think this would  be like home sweet home to
you, Peaches." Spike
pulled open his duster and pulled a flask out of it.  He
took a healthy swig of bourbon.
Angel looked at him expectantly. "  I don't think so.  Why
would I waste good booze on
you?"
"I promise not to get liquored up and take advantage of
you." Angel said,
deadpan.
"You haven't shagged in two years?  I wouldn't trust you
with that dust buster
over there." He pointed to the shelf.
Angel snatched the flask from him and took a drink.  If he
was going to be
trapped with Spike for any length of time, he needed some
serious alcohol.
Spike pulled down the dust buster, intent on enjoying this
situation as much as
possible.  "Tell me, Peaches, do you think a household
appliance could give you a
'moment complete happiness'?" He waived the machine at him
in what he hoped was a
seductive manner.
Angel set the flask down and grabbed the small vacuum from
him.  He smacked
Spike in the head with it.  "I think it just did."
"Oww!" Spike was just about to launch himself at Angel,
when he remembered
that the slayer was outside.  He crossed his arms and sat
down against the wall and look
at the other vampire.  Angel still cradled the dust buster
in his lap.  "Uh. . .do you two
need to be alone?" Angel threw it at Spike, hitting him in
the head.  "Oww!" He rubbed
the aching spot. "Lover's quarrel already?  Fickle
creature, aren't you?"
Angel took another swig of bourbon and passed it back to
Spike.  Spike took
another swallow. Something caught Angel's  eye in the
corner of the closet.  He picked it
up. "Wine? Why would Willow have wine in her closet?"
"Who knows?  It doesn't belong to her though. Xander
probably gave it to her."
Spike said dryly.
Angel opened the bottle with ease and examined the label.
This was expensive,
too costly for a college student.  Comprehension dawned, it
probably belonged to her
parents.  He promised himself that he would buy another
bottle for her. He took an
experimental taste, it was warm but it was alcohol.  Five
more sober minutes in this
closet with Spike and the two of them would try to kill
each other.
"Give me some." Spike demanded.
Angel handed him the bottle in exchange for the flask
again.  The both drank,
making faces at the change in taste.  It was going to be a
very long evening.

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