(1)

Willow felt sweaty and she was getting winded, but she couldn't stop walking. It was 4 AM and she had been walking for hours.

Earlier, she lay in bed shivering and shaking from spell withdrawal. How could I let it go so far, was all she could think.  It kept running through her mind.  Finally she had to do something.  She got dressed and left the sleeping house for the deserted streets of Sunnydale.

She needed something or someone, despite her physical weariness the edge of her need was as sharp as a knife.

Knife is right, she thought to herself, as she pushed her fist into her stomach to combat the sharpening pain.

Looking around in desperation, she recognized the gate of Sunnydale Memorial Park.

She ran along the path between rows of gravestones heading toward the oldest section and the elaborate mausoleums it contained.  She stopped at a dilapidated marble hut and opened a door with surprisingly well-oiled hinges. When her eyes became accustomed to the dim glow of reflected moonlight, she found a candle jammed into the neck of a wine bottle and set on a stone shelf and lit it.

By this wavering flame, she began to search the many shelves and corners in the large single room until her efforts were rewarded in the form of a nearly full bottle of scotch whisky.  She pulled the cork and took a long pull and sighed.  The knife-edge of pain was dulled a little and the noises in her head were muted a bit.  She took another drink and sank down onto the floor, her back against the wall.  She cradled the bottle like a precious child.

Spike pulled on his pants and watched Buffy dress with amused admiration.

"I swear if you wiggle one more time getting into those pants, I'm gonna bloody well have to pull these off and start all over again.

Buffy colored and looked away, " is that your idea of a line?  Real smooth."

"I didn't hear any complaints tonight, "he said with a leer.

"I swear this is the last time …" Buffy started.

"Yeah I know, " he said as he pulled on a shirt and opened the motel room door, " until the next time.  He grinned as he quietly pulled the door closed.

Willow wasn't sure if she were dead, but she thought to her self, she could always hope.  Her head hurt, her eyes hurt even her hair hurt.  Her bottom felt as flat and frozen as the stone floor she sat on.  She pried one eye open and felt a shock as she recognized her surroundings.  These fears were multiplied when she noted the toe of a black boot only a few feet away.  She scanned up from the boot and relaxed as she recognized Spike.

He lit a cigarette, took a long drag and slowly breathed out a stream of blue white smoke.

"I hope you feel half as bad as you look luv, cause you look bloody awful.  I take it back, you'd have to spend a week in hospital to look bloody awful."

"If this is your idea of encouragement, I think you need to rethink, ' she said so softly that he could hardly hear her.

"I don't encourage thieves and I don't encourage junkies, " he said with disgust.

Willow began to cry she sobbed so hard that she thought her eyes would shake out of her head.  She finally fell into a gentle weeping.

She felt him come closer and lower himself to the floor next to her.  They sat side by side legs touching.

When the sounds of weeping stopped, he asked gently, "are you finished?"

She nodded while wiping her nose on her sleeve.

He took her chin between two fingers and moved it to face him.

"Are you ready to try and beat this, really ready?"
 

(2)

Buffy hung up the phone looking puzzled.

"Was that Willow?" Dawn asked, " is she OK?"

"Yeah, that was her.  She seems OK, she just sounded kinda tired.  She said she couldn't sleep and just started walking.  She's at her house now, she just wants to get some sleep.  She probably wont be back for dinner, " Buffy explained.

Do you really think she's alright?" Dawn asked again.

"I think so, I guess, I don't know, " her sister said sadly, " I hope so."

They hurried through the twilight. She led.  He followed being careful to hug the shadows of the buildings and trees.

"I don't see why we couldn't stay at my place, " he complained as he nimbly jumped from one shadowy pool to another, his duster held up to the weakening sun.

"What would we do if Buffy called or stopped by to see me?" Willow responded.

"You told her not to call didn't you?" he asked catching up to her as the sun fell a row of near by buildings.

"Sure I did, but since when did Buffy listen to me or anybody as far as that goes?"

He nodded, " she is a bit strong headed."

"A bit!" Willow laughed, "once she gets it into her head, there's nothing that could stop her from doing something she really wanted to do."

Or someone she really wanted to do, Spike thought to himself.

"Look at the chances she took with Angel?  I mean, a little …." She paused, coloring, " you know.  Is that worth the risk to her and everyone else that she took?"

"I get it, please let's leave the Slayer's love life out of this, OK?" Spike said frowning.

"Sorry, I forgot how you …. OK, lips sealed, no talking, nothing happening here talk wise, regular mime, that's me…"

He glared at the red head and her words slowed then stopped, just as they reached the Rosenberg house.

Later, they sat silently in the kitchen.

Willow looked up nervously, " why are you willing to help me?"

He leaned back and stretched out his legs in front of him.

" I like you.  I've seen other cases like yours and the unpleasant consequences and lastly…. you brought her back."

He stood, "first, let's get you comfortable."

Willow lay in bed in her pajamas.  There had been an uncomfortable moment when she told him she was going to change and he stayed seated in her desk chair.  It had taken several pointed looks before he smiled and went into the hall closing the door behind him.

He pulled the chair closer to the bed.

"Now, try and get some sleep, I'll be right here."

She closed her eyes, but she couldn't shake the tension that ran through her. Her arms and legs tingled and the dull ache in her stomach was becoming sharper.

She opened her eyes, " sorry, I just can't do it, " he said wearily.

He stood up, " slide over luv."

She stared and he motioned her toward the far side of the bed.

"Don't worry, your virtue is safe, believe me."

She slid over and he lay down next to her and cradled her head to his chest.

"I'm not so sure I like that 'believe me' part, " she complained in a sleepy voice.

"Put a sock in it and close your eyes, " he said softly.

"I don't think this is going to work, " she said, the sound of her voice falling off with each word.

Soon he could hear the sound of her slow and regular breathing.

Several times during the night, she nearly woke, but each time, he managed to sooth away the pain and stress.
 

(3)

Next morning, Willow felt rested for the first time in days.  As she stretched, she smelled something that made her remember the last time she had
eaten.  She pulled on her robe and followed the smell of fresh coffee and eggs down the stairs.

She was surprised to see Spike turning scrambled eggs out of a skillet onto a plate.

"Morning Red, feel better, " he asked without turning around.

"Much, much better, thanks, " she yawned as she padded over to the counter and poured herself a cup of black coffee.

While she ate, he warmed a cup of blood and sat with her.

"Spike, " she said when she had finished, " what do we do now?"

He grinned, " to coin a phrase luv, take it one day at a time."

"OK, " she returned, " what do we do today?"

"I have some things to take care of, " he said.

She looked skeptical.

"Come on, I do more than protect the scoobies and baby sit recovering witches."

Her face fell.

Spike looked pained, " sorry, I didn't mean that.  I know how important this is to you.  It's that important to me."

He continued, " I think you should get dressed and go see your friends for a
bit.  Just don't over do it."

"What say we meet here at sundown, OK?" he proposed.

She nodded and got up to put her dishes in the sink.  He moved next to her and rinsed his cup.

Touching he shoulder, he said, " see you at sundown, right?  Are you sure that you'll be alright on your own?"

She smiled and turned to him, " I'll be OK.  I don't know how to thank you."

She put her arms around him and kissed him lightly.

Her grasp tightened and her kiss deepened. Her lips opened and her tongue ran softly over his lips.  In response, his lips opened and he met her tongue with his own.  He pulled her closer.  His hands ran up and down her back and he could feel the sharpness of her nipples pressed into his chest.  She pressed herself into him, she could feel his arousal.  He gripped her by the shoulders and gently pushed her away.

Her face looked hot and swollen as she tried to focus her eyes on his.

"I'm sorry, " they both said at once.

After a moments pause, they began to laugh.

"A fine couple of randy kids aren't we?" he said with a grin.

He expected her to turn her embarrassment into a joke so that they could laugh it off and pretend nothing had happened.

She looked resolutely into his face, " I think there a few things we have to discuss after sundown, some  very important things, " she said in a calm and even voice.

She stepped back, " can I drop you anywhere?"

She watched him open the door to the electric substation.  He'd assured her that the tunnels below the small building were part of a system that criss crossed all of Sunnydale.

As she drove away, she thought about what had happened in the kitchen.  She didn't understand it, but it seemed right some how.  She knew all about transference, how patients think they are in love with their analysts or rehab sponsors out of a combination of gratitude and the strength of their position of authority.  She was sure that this wasn't it, that there was something real between them.

While she was thinking through the events of the morning, she'd been driving on auto pilot and now found herself in front of Buffy's house.
 

(4)

Spike emerged from the utility shed in the corner of the cemetery and followed the shadows under a lane of trees to his mausoleum.  He was three
strides into the room, when the door slammed behind him.

"Nowhere to be found all night and now he drags his sorry ass in at dawn, " Buffy said with a sneer.

"None of your bloody business where I go or what I do, " he responded angrily.

She stalked toward him, " I think I'll start making it my business, being you're such a big bad."

"Bugger off, " he said with a dismissive gesture.

She took a quick step and shoved him.  He bounced off the wall and she grabbed him by front of his shirt.

"What the hell were you doing last night?"

He broke her hold and stepped back, " if you must know, I was hunting.  I'm a vampire and vampires hunt."

She laughed cruelly, "you hunt, not likely since the Initiative cut off your balls."

At her words, he launched himself at her.  He crashed into her and they both hit the floor rolling over and over.

When they stopped, he was on top holding her wrists above her head.

"I'll show you balls, you bloody little bint, " he said forcing his mouth onto hers.

She squirmed and when she opened her mouth to speak, he shoved in his tongue.

Using his knee, he wedged her legs apart and rubbed his straining erection against her crotch.

She nipped his tongue and in the surprise of his reaction, she rolled him over onto his back.

"Picking up a taste for blood sweetheart?" he asked mockingly.

She didn't answer but ran a hand down between their bodies.  She quickly opened his pants and gripped his hardness.

His eyes widened and he groaned.  He pulled a hand free and pushed her jeans and panties down over her hips.  He groaned again as he felt her hot wetness on his erection.

She pushed up on her knees and positioned him over her entrance and plunged down with a gasp.

She worked up and down slowly as he gripped her ass with both hands guiding her along his cock.  Her body started to tingle.  It began as faint
vibrations, passed into delicious shivers and built into a crescendo of uncontrollable spasms.

As her body relaxed, she felt his thrusts increase.  With a strangled cry, he plunged into her one last time and spasmed.

Her body was so tightly wound that she came again in response to his orgasm.

They lay together as her breathing returned to normal.

He looked at her and thought about Willow.

What the bloody hell am I going to do, he said to himself.

Her hand distracted him as it brushed between his legs.

"Big bad my ass, " she whispered, " bad maybe, but …."

He felt her tracking light kisses down his naked chest and onto his stomach.

"Let's see about the big, " she said as she slid him into her mouth.

All thoughts of Willow or any other subject fled his mind as he ran his fingers through her soft blond hair.
 

(5)

Willow was a little hesitant as she stood on the Summer's doorstep.  After the trouble she'd caused with her magic, she still shook when she thought how close Dawn had come to serious injury, she never felt sure of the kind of reception she'd receive.

She knocked with no response.

She opened the door, " Buffy, Dawn hi, it's me Willow."

Again there was no response.  She started to worry.  Buffy should have finished patrolling and she should be here getting Dawn off to school.

She froze, she heard what sounded like a groan coming from upstairs.

Closing the door, she glanced around for a weapon of some sort.  She settled on an umbrella that was standing in the corner behind the door.  It had a metal point and a wooden shaft and would have to do.

She slowly and silently went up the staircase, weapon at the ready.  Pausing at the top of the steps, she listened and she heard it again.  It was louder and came from down the hall.  She tiptoed to Buffy's partially opened door and slowly peered around it.  The room was empty.  The bed didn't look as if it had been slept in.

She continued past her room and heard the sound again, it was coming from Dawn's room.

Willow opened the door slowly trying to avoid any noise.  She saw movement on the bed in the dimness.  Whatever was making the noise was moving under the comforter. She took a deep breath, stepped to the bed and pulled back the covers.

Dawn was crouched in the corner of her room eyes tightly shut.  She could hear the sounds of someone or something at her now empty bed.  She caught the whisper of bedclothes cleanly sliced by a razor sharp blade or claw.  She grasped her knees and tried to make herself even smaller as something approached her hiding place.  She could feel a presence just inches from her face.  She forced herself to look and screamed at the sight of a threatening …… umbrella.

When Willow pulled the covers back, Dawn's dream clouded eyes opened and she screamed.  Surprised by her discovery, Willow reacted with her own scream and a reflexive squeeze of the umbrella handle.  This resulted in the umbrella, a garish pink and blue striped golf model, opening to its nearly room filling full four foot diameter.

Moments later, Willow and Dawn were laughing hysterically under what appeared to be the world's ugliest pup tent.

After Willow had closed the umbrella and both girls had slowed down enough to wipe their eyes, a strained silence replaced the laughter.

Willow stood, " I guess I should go now, " she said nervously.

She pointed to the furled umbrella, " you should keep that just in case."

Dawn smiled and put out her hand, " in case I'm attacked by a color blind rain cloud?"

Willow gave a sad smile and took her hand, " I'm so sorry.  You know that don't you?  I never wanted to hurt you.  I …."

The younger girl stood and put her arms around her, "I know, you'll always be my other big sister, always."

After a few moments, Willow noticed the bedside clock, " shouldn't you be getting ready for school?"

Dawn checked the time, " God, Buffy didn't wake me up, I'll be late."

Willow took charge instructing Dawn to get a quick shower and dress while she put together something for breakfast that she could eat in the car.

Returning from the school, driving at a more leisurely pace, Willow thought about Buffy's absence.  It wasn't like her not to have called Dawn and also not to have arranged help to get her off to school, if she was going to be late.  That is unless something happened last night.

Willow tried not to think about that.  She'd told Dawn that Buffy had called her to come over and help.  It was only a white lie really, Buffy may have tried to get hold of her last night or early this morning.  She kicked herself again for not setting up the answering machine before going to bed.

Thinking of bed switched her feeling of anxiety from Buffy to Spike.  What was she going to say to him tonight?  Would he even come back?  After she'd dropped him off, it occurred to her that she might have scared him away.  He was trying to help her and right away she starts putting the moves on him. She sighed, what a jerk she was, thinking Spike could be interested in her. Turning the corner, she noticed a familiar figure running down the sidewalk.

She pulled to the curb and lowered the passenger side window, " hey speedy, need a lift?"

Buffy stopped, pulled open the door and jumped in.

"Will, you're a life saver.  If I can get Dawn moving, we can get her to school before second period, " she said leaning back in the seat and catching
her breath.

"She'll be pissed because I didn't call; but she'll get over it."

Willow glanced at her friend and noted how sweaty and grimy she looked.

"Bad night patrolling?" she asked.

Buffy looked away, " a little more challenging than usual."

"God, I hope the school doesn't make a big deal out of this, " Buffy said changing the subject.  "Dawn was late twice last month and they sent home a snotty note about 'parental responsibility'.

"Don't worry, " Willow reassured her friend, " Dawn's fine, I'm on my way back from school.  We made it with five minutes to spare."

Buffy relaxed, "Will I don't know what to say, you saved my butt."

Buffy put her head back and closed her eyes.  Willow smiled and shook her head.

Willow managed to get Buffy up and into the house.  She offered to make some coffee, but Buffy said she just wanted to get some rest.

"Come on up and we can talk while I get ready, " Buffy said through a yawn.

Willow sat on her bed while Buffy washed her face and brushed her teeth.

"I know I should take a shower, but I'm too beat, " Buffy called out.

When she came back she sat next to Willow, " I was kinda afraid to ask, how was it with Dawn this morning?"

Willow smiled, "I think we're OK."

Buffy hugged her and stood up and stretched.

Willow continued, " that is after I attacked her with a large pink and blue umbrella."

Buffy looked puzzled.

"It's a long story.  I'll tell you later."

Buffy unbuttoned her shirt and unfastened her jeans.  She was turned away from Willow as she unzipped them and glanced down.

"Oh, I think my PJ's are in the bathroom, " she said and hurried out.

Willow looked up.  She thought there was something odd in Buffy's tone.  Then she noticed the clean pajamas on the dresser.  Curious, she walked to the door.

Buffy hadn't pulled the bathroom door completely shut.  She couldn't be seen directly from the bedroom doorway.  However, Willow could see her friend's reflection in the full-length mirror on the back of the door.

She watched as Buffy removed her shirt and bra.  She flexed her arms and rolled her shoulders.

Must have been some patrol, Willow thought.

Buffy pulled off her jeans and reached for her pajamas.

Willow stared, no underpants and two hand shaped bruises on her butt cheeks, quickly fading but still recognizable.

Must have really been some patrol, Willow repeated.
 

(6)

Willow sat on her bed and waited.  The sun had been down for nearly a half-hour and still no Spike.

She could feel the tingling starting in her hands and feet.  With a twinge of pain her body reminded her that despite her normal day, the craving still was a part of her.  She pulled her legs up into a fetal position and slumped over onto her side.  She felt a chill like an icy electric charge travel down her spine.  She closed her eyes and hugged her knees to her chest.

She smelled him first, the faint tobacco and leather smell.  She felt the bed move when he sat down.  His hands gently massaged her hunched shoulders, dismissing the stress of her bunched muscles.  She heard a creaking sound and felt him shift, then her chill body was covered in familiar black leather.

"Spike, I want …"

"Shush luv, get some sleep now.  We'll talk later."

She smiled and snuggled into the duster and fell asleep surrounded by the feel, sound and smell of Spike.

Willow reached out, but she didn't feel him next to her.  She opened her eyes.  The room was dim with only a small night-light burning, but she could see that she was alone.  She sighed with disappointment and fell back.

She gathered the duster together in both hands and held it to her face.

"Careful you don't crease it luv, dry cleaning leather is a pain in the ass, " he said from the shadows outside the French doors.

She pulled herself into a sitting position as he reentered the room.

"Just stepped out for a smoke.  I thought you were good for all night.  You must have had a busy day."

She told him about rescuing Dawn with the golf umbrella and the race to beat the school bell.

"How is the little bit?" he asked with a smile.

"She's fine.  I think she misses you though, " Willow replied.  "You and Dawn are real friends aren't you?" she asked.

He nodded, " she's  a good kid.  She makes me feel young when I'm around her and at my age that's saying a lot."

He sat in the desk chair and wheeled over to the bed.

"She doesn't have all the usual prejudices and opinions.  What's important is what she feels and what she sees.  To her, I'm her pal because of the way I treat her.  The fact that I'm one of the living dead, not a problem, no one's perfect."

"Well, you should try to see her more often, " Willow said.

He shook his head.

"Buffy?" Willow asked.

He nodded, "still got issues with the Slayer."

Willow frowned, " the whole crush thing still going on, right?"

He didn't reply.  He watched her as she tried to rub some of the stiffness from her back.

He moved onto the bed.  He maneuvered her so that she was sitting on the edge of the bed and then slid behind her his legs straddling her hips. He began to massage her shoulders.

"About this morning, " Willow started.

"Hush, " he said as he gently rubbed her back, " let me go first."

"I told you why Dawn and I get along.  Since I've been in Sunnydale, there's been only one other person who's treated me the same way.  Acted like a friend and expected the same in return.  Someone who didn't look at me with the same prejudices that the rest did, even though they knew what I was and the kind of things I'd done."

Willow's eyes closed as she listened.

"I can't apologize for what I am or change the things I've done.  Some people can't see beyond that.  This someone could.  You see, Dawn didn't have to do that to accept me.  Didn't have to put aside her own experience and her friends' warnings.  But you did.  You asked me why I helped you and that's one of the reasons."

Willow's body and spirit both sagged.  I'm just a friend, a pal like Dawn, she thought.

Spike continued as he lightly scratched her back, " But there was one important difference, you weren't a kid.  You were beautiful and sweet and
smart, except for the Xander thing, I guess anyone can have one blind spot. It took some time for me to completely realize how I felt about you, but by then you were with Tara."

As he talked, his hands began to move.  He slowly slid them around until his long cool fingers were making gentle circles over her covered breasts.

Her breath caught for a moment then she relaxed back into him with a sigh.

"Witches' love is a powerful thing and all I could do was wait."

He lowered his lips to the back of her neck and kissed her lightly, while his fingers brushed her erect nipples.

"What do you say Luv?" he whispered.

In answer, she shifted around to face him and pushed him down onto the bed. She kissed him, her tongue darting between his lips and exploring his mouth.

After a few moments, she pulled back and stood up.  She motioned for him to stay.

She slowly unbuttoned her pajama shirt.  She smiled.  She felt no fear, shyness or guilt.  This was right, she knew it.  She dropped the shirt and
removed the pants and stood in just simple white bikinis.  She walked to the bed as he sat up.  She took his hands and placed them on her hips.  He
grinned and slowly rolled off her panties.

He pulled her down next to him and took a nipple between his lips as she unbuttoned his shirt.  He sucked and nibbled at her breasts and she discarded the shirt then unbuttoned his leather pants.  She pushed him down and straddled his hips and she pulled down the zipper.

She freed his erection holding it loosely in her hand.  She sat back on her heels and ran her hand lightly up and down the shaft.  He lay back with a
groan and closed his eyes.

She wanted him so much.  She awkwardly slid a hand between her legs.  She could feel the heat and the wetness.  She gasped as she unintentionally grazed her swollen clit with a knuckle.  She closed her eyes and moved her finger slowly back and forth across its stiffness in rhythm with her other hand.  She increased speed and began a rhythmically thrusting her hips in time with the strokes.

She felt the tension building up, her muscles beginning to strain when a cool hand gripped each wrist halting all movement.

With a groan, she opened her eyes as he pulled her hands away and turned gently lowering her onto the bed.

"Not so soon.  There's no hurry, we have all the time in the world."

'All the time in the world', she thought it was the most wonderful thing she'd ever heard.

He quickly discarded his pants and lay next to her.  He lightly kissed his way down her body giving special attention to her small perfectly shaped
breasts.  She tensed as he reached her nest of damp red curls.

Careful to stay away from her center, he made his way around it planting gentle kisses on her inner thighs.

"Please Spike. Please, " she moaned thrusting her hips.

He flicked his tongue across her clit and felt her jump.  Continuing to tease it with his tongue, he set up a regular rhythm. Sliding his hands under her bottom, he could feel her muscles tense.  Increasing his rhythm, he brought her to the edge.  Then he thrust two fingers deep into her channel.

Willow exploded into the most intense orgasm of her life.  Her heart raced as if it would break every muscle in her body spasmed and then it felt as if she were melting into a soft warm puddle.

Spike slid up and whispered into her ear, " are you ready to start luv?"

"Start?" she asked in a husky voice.

He rolled over onto his elbows and knees.  His cock poised above her opening. He looked a silent question at her.  She nodded and he slowly entered her.

She was glad he had gone slowly, despite her state of natural lubrication, it had been a long time.  Then, rational thought was replaced with animal
pleasure as he set up a slow and deliberate pace.

In a matter of moments, she was desperately urging him to speed up, but he continued at his own speed and she trembled at each stroke.

She felt a concentrated knot of pleasure begin to form deep inside.  It grew with every stroke until it possessed her entire body.  She began to whimper at the depth of sensation she was feeling, when she exploded into orgasm. She stiffened as pleasure came in wave after wave.

He stopped during her orgasm.  When she was finished, she realized he still was buried hard and motionless within her.

"How about you?" she asked, " what do you want me to do?" "I want you to come one more time and then we'll do it together."

She looked at him skeptically as he started to move again.  This time the rhythm was a little faster.

Despite her doubts, she did come again.  It was less violent but even more enjoyable.

"Ready?" he asked.

She nodded but there was doubt in her eyes.

Releasing all inhibitions, he plunged into her at an ever-increasing pace. Willow matched thrusts with him trying to increase his pleasure.  Spike
paused and pulled her legs up against her chest.  She groaned as she felt him rub across her clit with each stroke in this new position.

She was trembling when he slipped a hand between them and tweaked her clit. He redoubled his speed when he felt her muscles squeeze him as she orgasmed. He pistoned into her once, twice and then he cried out as he shot his seed into her in a series of violent spasms.

He held her as she slipped into an exhausted sleep.

He lay awake thinking.  His relationship with Willow couldn't progress until he dealt with the Slayer.  Despite his reluctance to oppose her, he knew he had to do it tomorrow.  He knew he wasn't going to get much sleep tonight
 

(7)

  Willow knew she was alone when she awoke.  She'd spent too many years in this bed not to know when she was the only occupant.  Stretching, she felt paper on the pillow next to her.

'Red,

Sorry I couldn't stay till morning.  I had something to do and decided to leave before sun up.  I'll be back by dark, maybe this time we can have that talk.'

Willow colored and pressed her thighs together remembering the night's nonverbal activity.

'I do have some things I need to tell you, but we just might get sidetracked again.

S'

She closed her eyes, she was happier than she'd ever been before.  She loved him and she was sure he loved her.  What they'd had last night, the way he had taken her from peak to peak until they finished together with that unbelievable climax, that wasn't just sex.

The minutes dragged by as she tried to fill the time.  After showering, dressing and eating she tried to concentrate on some overdue schoolwork.

Overdue schoolwork, she thought, that was an unusual concept in the Rosenberg household.  She tried to think of the last time that she'd had overdue schoolwork.  Finally, she was torn between fourth grade when she had the measles and seventh grade when Xander had promised to take her to the movies and blew her off to take 'D cup' Sally Milano.

Thinking of Xander made her think of Anya and that made her think of sex and that made her think of Spike.

She shrugged and turned back to her assignment.  As she read, she thought of school and that made her think of sex and that made her think of Spike.

She shook her head.  She had to get her mind off of sex and Spike and last night and all those orgasms and…..

"Oh hell, " she said to herself as she closed her textbook, " I give up."

She grabbed a jacket and headed for the door.  As she left, she glanced at the clock.  She'd lasted one hour and twenty-three minutes.  She thought that was pretty good considering, but now she needed her Spike fix and she was going to find him.

He was ready for her when she came pushing through the door.

"AWOL again lover?" Buffy said sarcastically as she kicked the door shut.

"We have to talk Slayer.  This isn't good for either one of us.  You were right at the beginning."

"All of a sudden you decide what's right and what's wrong for us?  Just remember who you are.  A blood sucking demon who can't hunt or even hurt, except his own kind.  A demon so hung up on the Slayer that he turned into a regular stalker.  You even got some loser to make a mechanical me to fuck.  You're the one deciding what's right and wrong about us?" she gave a bitter laugh.

"Like it or not, " she continued, " we're both the same.  Outsiders who aren't quite human anymore and who need something to prove that they're
really alive.  So we fight and we fuck.  We hurt each other and then we make it all better.  Pleasure and pain Spike that's what we're all about.  It
makes your neutered life and my return to hell on earth just barely worth living."

He looked at her with sympathy, " I can't do it anymore, I can't be that anymore.  Things have changed, happened to me.  I just can't do it."

Buffy's eyes flashed, " do you have some skanky vamp whore hidden away somewhere.  Someone who says 'yes Spike' and 'no Spike' and 'please do it again Spike'?  Is that it, lover?"

"No, I don't .." he began.

"It's true, " she'd seen the momentary hesitation before he answered.

"Where is she?  What is she?" Buffy demanded.  "I'm not gonna be replaced by some pasty faced slut you picked up at Willies."

He tried to speak.

"I don't want to hear about it.  Just tell her it's over or she'll be blowing down the street with the rest of the trash when I'm finished with her."

She could hear voices as she approached his place. By the time she was at the door, she recognized a very angry Buffy.

"I told you, I don't care who it is.  Nothing has changed, you're mine and I'm yours and that's how it is."

Her voice softened, " remember what it was like the first time.  I was all you imagined, wasn't I?  Come on, how could you give that up?  I'm the one you always wanted and now …"

"I told you, it's all different now.  I can't, we can't be together," he said trying to control himself.

"Things will be different when I say they're different, " Buffy shouted.

Spike exploded, "listen you selfish bitch, get your ass out of here before I .."

Willow heard the crash of bodies.  She reached for the door then stopped.  She heard Buffy moan in pleasure and the distinctive sound of tearing cloth and the whisper of a  zipper then Spike voice cry out.

She slowly walked away, not bothering to think of a destination.  She just wanted to be away from here.
 

Just as Spike got out the words, "before I.." she launched herself at him.  She slammed him against the wall and tried to hold him there.  Fighting back, he swung a hand up and as she moved to block it, he found it trapped between her leather clad thighs.  She moaned at this accidental contact and he pulled his hand away.

She made another grab for his arm and caught his shoulder tearing the sleeve completely off.  Using her extraordinary strength, reinforced by her anger, she pinned him against the wall with her left forearm.  Her right hand slid down his body, unzipped his jeans and slipped her hand inside.  She squeezed him and the combination of surprise and pain caused him to cry out.

Mustering all his strength, he grabbed her in a desperate bear hug and pitched them both forward.  She hit the ground hard and was breathless for a moment.  He, being taller, had caught the edge of the stone shelf with the side of his head on the way down.  He lay motionless on top of her.

In a moment, she pushed him off her and onto his back.  She examined his head.  The damage didn't look too bad and she felt better when he started to move around and groan.

She stood back and looked at him, dark blood matting in his hair, shirt torn, face dirty all from defending his honor against her.

She gave a bitter laugh, what have I become, she thought.  The most important thing in my life isn't Dawn or Willow or my duty as the Slayer, it's forcing a vampire to have sex with me against his will.  She noticed he was regaining consciousness and not wanting to face him, she quietly left.

She walked slowly in the direction of home, unknowingly following the same path taken minutes earlier by Willow.
 

(8)

He shook his head trying to clear the cobwebs.  He wasn't sure what happened exactly, but it was even money that the Slayer had given him this bloody headache.

He opened his portable cooler and took out a plastic beaker of blood.  He drank it straight down and felt a little better.  Looking into the cooler he
saw two more beakers and a half dozen small bottles of plasma.  He figured that would be enough for the plan that began to form in his still aching
head.  He didn't like it, but it was the only way.

He pulled a black leather satchel with a shoulder strap from a corner and began to pack his few belongings and the plasma bottles.  He knew they'd be good for at least a week without refrigeration as long as he kept out of the sun.  He ginned to himself, if he didn't stay out of the sun, he wouldn't need the sodding stuff anyway.

Buffy walked up the path slowly, her head down staring at the ground as if she were counting her steps to the X marking a pirate's treasure.

Still preoccupied, she made her way through the house and up the stairs.  In the silence, it occurred to her that Dawn must have gotten herself off to school.  Another duty sacrificed to her need for Spike.

On her way to her bedroom, she heard something in her Mom's, she caught herself, Willow's room.  She looked in, but she couldn't make out anything.  The curtains were drawn and the lights were out.

"Willow, is that you?" she whispered.

"Yeah, it's me, " she heard a husky voice reply.

Eyes accustomed to the gloom, Buffy could make out Willow's figure sitting on the bed.

Buffy entered, "are you OK, Will?"

Her friend laughed, it was a brittle and troubling laugh, " I was going to ask you the same thing."

Buffy gave her a puzzled look.

"Things sounded a little rough, but I guess you two are used to it by now."

Buffy looked away, " you heard us this morning?"

Willow nodded, " I came back here, I thought we could compare notes."

"Compare notes?"

"That's right, " Willow's voice lashed out, " why should the Slayer care about anyone else as long as she's got what she wants."

"Will, I don't get it."

When she heard this, something snapped in Willow.

Pale faced and eyes flashing she faced her friend.

"That's not the problem, it's never been the problem.  First Xander followed you around like a lost puppy.  I would have been thrilled if he had even
looked at me once the way he looked at you, but you didn't want him.  He wasn't good enough for you."

"Will, I didn't …"

"I know, you didn't want to hurt anyone, you never want to, you just do."

"Then there was Angel, the one person in the whole world you shouldn't have had anything to do with.  You had to fall in love. How many innocent lives did that affect?"

Buffy slumped against the wall, head in her hands.

"Then Riley, " she spat, " a good decent guy who loved you with all his heart.  What happened to him?  Get tired of him?  Screwing him day and night get to be a chore?  I don't think it was for him."

Tears, unnoticed by Willow, began to run down the Slayer's face and drip onto the carpet.

"You let him go, to try and throw his life away, the life that wasn't good enough for you.  Then, you decided that you did want him, but it was too late and you were so sad and tragic."

"I think Parker had the right idea, fuck her once and run away.  Break her heart for a change."

"And now it's Spike."

"I know he's had a crush on you for a long time.  Maybe you felt sorry for him or you wanted to prove something, so you screwed him.  But he found something else, something better and you don't want to admit it.  You have to call the tune, be in control."

"Well, you can't control Spike and you can't control me."

Tired from her outburst, Willow sat back on the bed.

"I won't let you have him, " she said in a tired but resolute voice.

The only sound was Willow's harsh breathing.  Buffy's tears continued to fall silently.

She wiped her eyes and looked up, "there are things you don't understand.  Since I came back, it's been so complicated.  Spike and I, there was a
connection."

"I didn't know about you and Spike until today, I mean he told me there was someone else today.  I felt so alone, I didn't want to give him up.  It's so lonely, " she began to cry again.

Willow's eyes flashed again, "since you came back, you mean since I brought you back.  Since I rescued you from hell.  Maybe we all would have been better off if I'd never done it."

Buffy thought, if you only knew Willow, if you only knew.  I'd be back where it was beautiful and I was happy.

Willow's eyes lit up, she knew she could do it.  She could feel the power coursing through her body.  She knew the spell, she didn't know how she knew it but she did.  Just one more spell could put everything right, she could handle one good powerful spell.

Buffy saw the unnatural light in Willow's eyes and knew, as if she were telepathic, exactly what she was thinking.  One more spell, one spell to
restore things back to the way they were.  But Buffy knew that this wouldn't be the last spell but the first in a sure spiral to disaster for her friend.

"No Willow, please, " she asked, " don't send me back.  It was just that Angel was Spike's sire, it was all mixed up with Angel.  I was trying to use
him.  I'm sorry."

The light faded from Willow's eyes and her shoulders sagged.

Buffy walked over and sat next to her, " I'm sorry.  I know I've hurt a lot of people.  It's no excuse, but I think I've hurt myself as much as anyone
else."

"I didn't mean to come down on you like that, it's just…"

"You're in love, " Buffy said completing the sentence for her.

"God help me, I think I am, "Willow admitted.

Willow's hand reached for her friends.  They sat together in silence hand in hand, each with her own thoughts.  Each contemplating the future with a great deal of uncertainty but some measure of hope.

They were sitting in the kitchen when Dawn came home from school.

"Hi, it's really good to see you two together again.  If Spike were here we'd be one big happy family, " Dawn joked.

"Speaking of Spike, " Buffy said looking at the oversized black leather motorcycle jacket she was wearing, "isn't that his jacket?"
 
 

"Funny thing, ' Dawn said, " I was outside at lunch and Spike was standing in the shade under the trees.  He waved over and then asked me if I'd like to take care of his jacket until he got back.  This is such a cool jacket."

"What else did he say, " Willow asked with a worried expression.

"Just that he was going out of town, he said you two would understand why and where and he'd see me when he got back," Dawn stopped uncertain at Willow and Buffy worried expressions.  "Then he kissed me on the cheek and said be good and then good bye."

Tears formed in Dawn's eyes, " he's not coming back is he?"

Buffy took Willow's hand and put an arm around Dawn.
 

(9)

"Why don't you stay here tonight?" Buffy asked as they stood in the doorway.

Willow shook her head, " thanks, but I think I'd like to be alone.  Anyway, my stuff is all there now."

They hugged and Buffy gave her an extra squeeze.

"You're sure you'll be OK?" Buffy asked one last time.

Her friend nodded, " look after Dawn, I'll see you both tomorrow."

Unlocking the front door, he wasn't so sure that she'd told her friend the truth.  She didn't feel very OK, not at all.

She walked through the kitchen, but couldn't think of food.  Then she stood at the foot of the stairs and looked up into the shadowy darkness.

She sighed and started up, thinking it was a good match for her mood.  Into the shadows, hopefully it wouldn't describe her future as well.

"One day at a time, " she murmured and it made her feel a little better.

Later, she lay in bed, tired but unable to sleep.  She kept rerunning in her mind the last two nights here in her room.  The best nights she'd ever had.  Closing her eyes, she tried to feel his weight on the bed, hear the little creaks and whispers he made moving to hold her and smell that musky leathery Spike smell.  She took a deep breath and sighed.  Then she quickly took another and opened her eyes.

He was standing by the French doors black satchel at his feet.

"I couldn't do it luv.  I thought it was the best thing.  Just disappear, you'd both forget me and everything would be fine.  There was one thing I
didn't count on.   I could never forget you."

"Can you imagine me playing the hero," he said with a wry smile, " sacrificing his feelings and walking away sad and noble?  I found out something, it's not that easy when the feelings are real.  So there I was, too noble to stay but too selfish to go."

"I finally decided that being noble was highly overrated and selfishness had its attractions.  Then I thought, if she feels the same way, then it wouldn't be totally selfish."

"I know we never had that talk you wanted to have, but what do you say?" he asked his voice shaking just a bit.

She frowned and pushed herself into a sitting position, " all I can say is if you don't get that cute butt over here and kiss me, I'm gonna have to come and get you."

Willow looked over her shoulder and grinned, there in a straight line leading to her bed were a leather duster, boots, socks, a black silk shirt and a pair of black jeans.

"You are a confident bastard, ' she said looking back at him lying next to her.

"You didn't say what kind of a kiss, I wanted to be prepared," he grinned.

"This is what I meant, " she said placing her lips lightly on his for an instant.

"Now what ever  can we do now?" she asked.

"Remember last night?" he whispered.

Her eyes lit up in anticipation.

"Well, that was just for starters,"  he said as his head slowly disappeared below the covers.

"What do you mean just start .. Oh…Oh….Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..

END

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