Disclaimer: Joss owns them all
Distribution: My site, Kiss or Kill, http://members.fortunecity.com/kissorkill. If you have permission, take. Otherwise, just ask.
Rating: R
Pairing: Willow/Spike
Notes: Something a bit different. The idea kept pestering me, so I had to give in and start it. Let me know how it is :)
Notes2: Set during Season 6, prior to Entropy, with my own twists and turns as usual. Spoilers for anything Season 6 or before, just to cover the bases.
Feedback---Goooood. Hit reply and let me know that <a> I'm not alone and <b> I'm not wasting my time writing
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~Part: 1~
Willow glanced at the clock, seeing that it was after one in the morning. She leaned over, switching off the television. She hadn't been watching it at all, leaving it on so the house wouldn't be so silent. She sighed, leaning back against the sofa as she stared at the ceiling. It was so quiet. Buffy was on patrol and Dawn was with a friend. Usually, Willow didn't have a lot of time alone. Living with Dawn and Buffy meant that someone was normally there. She still found it hard to believe that it had been nearly two months since she and Tara had broken up. While she missed her friend, she honestly didn't have any regrets about the break up. She didn't like the circumstances that had caused it, still feeling rather foolish to have become so reliant on magic. She'd sworn it off completely, in the beginning, but was trying now to get to a good in between place. She knew some of the reasons she'd let it take control of her, and had done her best to deal with them. She thought she was now in a place where she could start practicing again. Of course, she had to make sure Buffy and the others were ready before she did anything. They were all finally getting back to a good place, the dynamics of the gang having changed but getting back to what it had once been. She'd seen more of Buffy and Xander in the last two months than she could remember seeing them in nearly two years. It was nice, getting those friendships back.
Willow heard the door slam, glancing up to see a disheveled slayer entering the living room. Her green eyes swept over her best friend, noting the rip on her right shirt sleeve and the dirt covering her blue jeans. She watched in silence as Buffy crossed the room, falling on the sofa beside her with a loud sigh. Arching a brow, she asked softly, "Tough night?"
Buffy nodded, running a hand over her face as she said, "You can't even begin to guess."
"Hungry?" Willow asked, having learned after sharing a dorm and now this house with her friend that Buffy was always hungry after patrol.
"Not really," Buffy frowned, glancing at Willow. She made a face, "Patrol wasn't that bad. A few newbies that I easily dusted. One caught me off guard, though, hence the accessory of dirt on my new pants."
"I kinda like it. Makes a fashion statement," Willow said, her lips twitching as she earned a laugh from Buffy.
"Yeah, it says look at me, I'm a freak," Buffy said with a roll of her eyes, leaning back against the sofa as she smiled, "You always cheer me up, Will."
"You're not a freak, and why do you need cheered up?" Willow asked, closing her book to turn her full attention to her best friend.
"Is Dawn still staying over with Jaime?" Buffy asked, sitting up and looking towards the stairs.
"Yeah, they left hours ago," Willow said, noticing that Buffy was doing her best to avoid answering her question. Concerned, she asked, "Buffy, is everything okay?"
"No, it isn't," Buffy said with a quick glance at her friend. "It's Spike."
"Spike?" Willow's confusion was evident on her face. "What about Spike?"
"I had a talk with him today that wasn't very fun," Buffy said slowly, her hazel eyes moving away from Willow's face to stare at the silent television.
"Elaborate, please," Willow said, not following why having a talk with Spike would make her friend unhappy.
"The last few months, since I came back, he and I have been involved," Buffy said, surprised when Willow nodded.
"You've been having sex with him," Willow said, having known since shortly after the first time.
"How did you know?" Buffy demanded, running a hand through her hair, "Was it that obvious?"
"Buffy, you're my best friend. Best friends know these things," Willow said patiently. "And, no, it wasn't obvious. You did a good job of hiding the relationship, though I'm not sure why there was a need to hide it. I think I'm the only one that knew anything was going on."
"God, I couldn't stand it if anyone else knew," Buffy said, making a face. "It was such a huge mistake. I still can't believe I was that weak, that needy."
~Part: 2~
"Mistake?" Willow echoed softly, studying her friend. "He loves you. He's completely devoted to you, and you call it a mistake?"
"I don't love him, Willow," Buffy said quietly, catching her friend's eyes. "I could never love him. I really don't think he loves me, you know? I mean, he cares, but I don't think it's love. I do care about him, if you can believe that. He's given me something that I really needed, no questions, no demands. But, it's over. I can't do it anymore. I can't keep telling myself that it's okay to have sex with him even though I don't love him. I need to grow up. I can't lead him on, let him think that we could ever have a relationship. He's not my future."
"How did he take it?" Willow asked softly, not really able to argue with anything that Buffy had said. It actually sounded like her friend had given the entire matter some serious thought, surprisingly enough.
A grimace as Buffy said, "As well as can be imagined. He kept insisting that I loved him. He kept denying that it was over, seemed to believe that I'd realize I was wrong."
"Is he right?" Willow asked.
"No, he's not," Buffy said sincerely. "Like I said, I do care about him, but I will never love him. It's stupid to keep having sex with him just because he's convenient."
"Convenient?" Willow echoed, imagining perfectly what Spike was feeling at the moment.
"I sound like such a horrible bitch," Buffy said, groaning. "It's so cliched, but I did this for his own good. He was getting too involved, making the sex into some sort of relationship. It was never about that. I didn't want to hurt him any more than I probably already have."
"Nice of you," Willow said sarcastically, sighing as she said, "Sorry. I'm just surprised."
"I should have talked to you sooner," Buffy said with a smile. "I'm the one that should be sorry, not confiding in my best friend about something this important."
"It's okay, Buffy," Willow said, "everyone has secrets, things that we need to keep to ourselves, that only make sense to ourselves. You and Spike, is it going to be okay?"
"You mean, for patrols and stuff?" Buffy asked, wondering what secrets Willow had kept from her, not liking the idea that she didn't know everything about her best friend. Seeing Willow's nod, she shrugged, "I don't know, honestly. He was hurt and angry tonight. Maybe after he's given it some thought, he'll realize that I'm right and we can at least be friends. Before everything got out of control, we were actually getting to be friends. Who'd have thunk it? Me and Spike being friends. I should never have let it go so far. Sex always fucks everything up."
"It definitely changes things," Willow said with a wry smile. "You look tired, Buffy. Why don't you go up and take a hot bath? Get some sleep."
"Hmmm, that does sound good," Buffy said with a smile. "See? You always know how to make happy. Love you, Will."
"Love you too," Willow said with a smile as she watched her friend leave the room. She didn't reopen her book, knowing it would be pointless. She wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything at the moment, much less a reading assignment. She had only been sitting there for fifteen minutes when the phone rang, as she had been expecting. She let out a breath slowly, her green eyes looking at the phone with a mixture of anticipation and worry. After the fourth ring, she picked it up, speaking softly, "Hello?"
One word was whispered before the phone was hung up, "Buttercup."
~Part: 3~
Willow finally hung up the phone when the annoying buzzing penetrated her mind. She wasn't surprised to receive the call, having half expected it since Buffy had come home. She was nervous, if she were honest with herself. She wasn't sure what she should do. Buffy was awake, taking a bath. She couldn't get out of the house without her friend realizing it. She'd think of something, she always did. Willow walked up the stairs to her room, removing her sleeping shirt and boxers and tossing them on her bed. She opened her closet, green eyes looking at the clothing hanging there. She finally decided on a long skirt that she rarely wore, not liking the way the material moved against her legs when she walked, and a shirt she hadn't worn since high school. After she dressed, she went to her mirror, taking the clip from her hair and brushing her red locks. She'd been letting it grow out the last few months, having other things on her mind than getting her hair cut. It was now just slightly past her shoulders, the longest she'd let it get since high school.
She left it down, not bothering with a clip. Moving to her closet, she pulled out her backpack. She put in a change of clothes, having no doubt that she would need them. There had only been one word spoken, but she recognized the tone. A wave of anticipation washed over her as she licked her lips, her eyes closing as she counted to ten. Now was not the time. She needed to leave without raising suspicion from her best friend. She looked at the clock, eyes widening when she saw that it had already been twenty minutes. With a start, she zipped up her backpack. She had to go. She was taking too long. She entered the hallway, noticing that the bathroom door was still shut. She let out a sigh of relief, thankful that she wouldn't have to look Buffy in the face as she lied to her.
Willow knocked on the bathroom door, calling out, "Buffy?"
"Yeah?" the slayer responded in a sleepy but relaxed tone.
"Tara just called me. She needs to talk," Willow lied, trying not to feel guilty, "so I'm going over there for a while."
"Oh, all right," Buffy said, glancing at the closed door. "When will you be back?"
"I don't know," Willow said, speaking the truth this time. "She just needs to talk, I think. If it's too late, I'll just sleep over."
"Be careful," Buffy said, covering a yawn. "I'll see you in the morning, either way."
"Maybe we can get breakfast or something," Willow suggested. "Bye, Buffy."
"Tell Tara I said hi," Buffy said, not realizing that Willow was already down the stairs and on her way out the door.
Willow walked quickly, her eyes alert to her surroundings though her mind was elsewhere. She knew that it wasn't going to be a fun night, was preparing herself for the next few hours. It was going to end up being nearly an hour from the phone call before she'd get there. That wasn't going to make things any easier. Patience was definitely not a virtue in his case. She reached the cemetery and slowed her steps. A familiar wave of mixed emotions washed over her as she moved closer and closer. Excitement and anticipation and guilt and shame and happiness and lust and need. She was finally standing at the closed door, her heart racing a thousand times faster than normal. Embarrassingly, she had grown more and more aroused with every step she had taken. Before she could knock or open the door, it swung open. Green eyes caught blue.
"You're late," he growled, his eyes sweeping over her before he grabbed her arm and pulled her inside.
"I'm sorry," Willow whispered, flinching at the slight pain in her arm as his hand squeezed her. He was so angry, his eyes flashing yellow as he pulled her into the crypt. She let her backpack fall, knowing she wouldn't be needing it for a while. He spun her to face him, his eyes burning into hers. She'd been right. This was not going to be an easy night.
Spike smiled as he inhaled the intoxicating scent of fear mixed with arousal. He felt himself hardening as she whimpered, out of pain and need. He caught her eyes, his smile becoming wicked as he pushed her roughly against the wall of the crypt. His lips moved to her ear as he whispered, "Took you long enough."
~Part: 4~
Willow smiled as she said, "I got here as soon as I could."
"Excuses, excuses," he mumbled before his lips caught hers in a punishing kiss. He needed her, now. He'd waited long enough all ready. His hand caught the waist of her skirt as he ripped, the material easily tearing. He dropped it on the floor of the crypt as his leg moved between her legs. He felt her hands on the front of his jeans, heard the zipper being lowered as he tore her shirt off, the cotton material joining the ripped skirt on the ground. She was now standing naked before him, having known not to bother wearing undergarments. Her hands pushed his jeans down past the pale globes of his ass as he lifted her, sliding into her wet warmth easily as he shoved her against the wall.
Willow cried out when he entered her, her fingernails digging into his bare back as they began to move. It didn't take long before they were both finding release, Spike biting her shoulder as he came. Before she could move away from him, he swung them away from the wall, carrying her to his bed. He finally released her, letting her crawl onto the blanket, his blue eyes staying on her the entire time. Willow glanced at him, not able to stop the arousal that swept over her. He always managed to do that, excite her with just a smile or a look or a word.
"You're not going to school tomorrow," he said quietly, raising a brow as he dared her to object.
Willow looked at him in surprise, having to ask, "You're joking, right?"
"Do I look like I'm joking?" he asked as he sat on the bed, his eyes not leaving hers as his hand moved up her leg.
"Spike, you can't do this," she protested, her breath catching as his hand squeezed her upper thigh.
"Yes, I can," he said with a knowing smirk, "Who's gonna stop me, Red?"
"I might, I could leave now," she said weakly, knowing that her words were hollow. She couldn't stop him. Couldn't stop this. No matter how badly she wanted, and there had been times she had really wanted to, she couldn't walk away. Didn't want to walk away. And she knew that he felt the same, that knowledge doing wonders in confusing her and making things even more complex.
"Willow, please," he said softly, the smirk fading as he grew serious. "I need you."
"I," she started to speak but changed her mind, knowing that it wasn't the time. Instead, she smiled at him, placing her hand over his and bring it up to cup the red curls between her legs and demanded, "Fuck me, Spike. Fuck me hard."
~Part: 5~
"I'm sorry," Spike said softly as he ran his finger over the bruise that covered Willow's upper thigh.
"Hmmm?" Willow looked at him, fearful for a moment that he was sorry that they were here. When she realized that he was apologizing for just how rough their time together had been, she smiled. Her hand covered his as she said, "It's okay. Bruises fade."
"It's not okay," he corrected, looking into her green eyes. "You should have told me that I was hurting you."
"You weren't hurting me," she said softly, shaking her head as she again wondered why he couldn't understand that she liked seeing his marks on her flesh.
She hated this, never knowing what to expect from the blond vampire. One minute, he was rough and dangerous. The next, he'd be soft and caring. He never acted the way she would anticipate. Their relationship had started nearly two years ago, soon after he had been implanted and Oz had left. She'd been depressed and unhappy, certain that no one would ever find her attractive. Spike had been angry and needy, knowing just what buttons to push. She still wasn't sure how they had gone from her delivering blood to the most explosive sex she'd ever had, but she knew that things had never been the same since. At first, it had always been about the sex. She enjoyed when he was rough, and he seemed to enjoy her reaction to his touch. Over the years, though, they had become friends. In fact, she was able to be completely honest with Spike, knowing that he wouldn't judge her. When she had become involved with Tara, their involvement had continued. Many a night she would receive a call from Spike, his husky voice saying their code word, and she would be making excuses to go meet him. There had been times that she knew he was deliberately calling when she wouldn't be able to answer the phone, seeming to want Tara to find out about them. She'd never confronted him with her suspicions about his jealousy of her relationship, knowing that she could lose him if she pushed. Then, last year, he'd decided that he was in love with Buffy. That hadn't really surprised her. After all, most the men she knew seemed to want her best friend. She'd been rather proud at how she had dealt with his news, pushing away the jealousy she felt and concentrating on Tara. It was then that she had expected their relationship to end. It hadn't. It seemed that his desire for Buffy didn't affect his desire for Willow. And, God help her, her love for Tara did nothing in diminishing her need for Spike.
When he and the slayer had first consummated their relationship, he had called her away from home in the middle of the night, telling her everything. It had been rough, sitting there hearing him talk about having sex with her best friend. She'd been happy for him while also hating the idea of them together. It had been then, dealing with her insecurities and hurt, that she had begun to grow even more reckless with her magic. She had felt like she was losing control of her life, and had ended up doing just that. During the last months, she had been forced to do a lot of soul searching. It was then that she realized that things with Spike were far more complicated than either of them had ever intended. Somewhere along the line, she had done the stupidest thing she'd ever done in her entire life. She had fallen in love with Spike.
"Buffy was right, you know?" he asked, his fingers still moving over Willow's warm flesh.
"Bout what?" Willow asked, wondering how they had jumped from him hurting her to Buffy. She was not jealous. Nope, not her. Why, then, did she feel like hitting him and telling him that it was rude to talk about another woman when you're laying naked with someone else?
"She and I would never have worked," his eyes looked into Willow's. "The sex was good, but there was nothing else. She used me, and I let her use me. She never really wanted me, though. I'm such a stupid fool."
"No, you aren't," Willow corrected, having learned over the years that Spike was anything but stupid. A fool, maybe. "You love her. She's the fool, letting you go."
"I never loved her, Red," Spike said, rolling his eyes. "I wanted her, ached for her, craved her, but I never loved her. I guess she could see it, even if I couldn't."
"Why did you call me?" Willow finally asked sharply, running a hand through her hair. "I'm sick of hearing about Buffy. I'm tired. I should just go."
"No," he said, his eyes narrowing. "You'll sleep here, with me. I need you, Willow."
"Sure you do," she snorted, cringing as she realized how childish she sounded. She signed, giving him an apologetic smile, "Sorry. I get cranky when I'm tired."
"Why?" he asked softly, his eyes studying her face.
"Why do I get cranky?" she looked at him in confusion.
"Why are you sick of hearing about Buffy?" he asked, flashing back a year to a time when he had been ready to pull his hair out if he heard another word about Tara and how perfectly wonderful the vague little bitch had been. He had to wonder if Willow was as jealous as he had been. If so, what did it all mean?
"Spike, can we just go to sleep?" she asked, not wanting to answer his question, not really having an answer to his question. She definitely wouldn't be going to class, and wanted nothing more than to cuddle up against Spike and get a few hours of sleep.
"Okay," he relented when he realized that she was not planning on answering his question. He moved her back against the pillows, brushing a soft kiss against her mouth as he whispered, "buttercup."
Willow's breath caught as he said the word so softly, giving it so many different meanings. She still couldn't remember where they had come up with that word, but it had become part of their relationship. A nickname, a safety word, a code for their need, a declaration of things neither would speak of. She responded back, using their word to say all the things she wasn't brave enough to say. She spoke one word to say I love you, "Buttercup."
~Part: 6~
"Hmmm...don't stop," Willow whispered as she woke up to the sensation of Spike's mouth between her legs. She looked down at him, giving him a sleepy smile as she said, "What a way to wake up in the morning."
"You taste so good," he murmured as he ran his tongue over her wet folds. He listened to her soft cry and smiled, loving the sounds she made when they were together. She was so vocal in her appreciation for his touch, always asking for more with words and touch. After two years, he still felt the same need, his desire for her becoming something more. He thought she might love him, would sometimes see the look in her eyes when she didn't think he was watching. During their little research sessions, her beautiful green eyes looking at him so sadly, wanting something more from him. Something he was too scared to give. He'd always loved his little witch, from the first night that they were together. She'd given herself to him completely, never holding anything back. She'd accepted him, the demon and the man. He could still remember the feel of her warm hands on the ridges of his forehead, the lust in her eyes as she had looked into his. That was when the demon had fallen for her, that very moment when she had kissed him and asked him for more. He'd been stupid, though. Never said a word, used her for sex as she used him, watched as their relationship changed and it became less about sex and more about just being together. Still, he had remained silent. He'd lost her to that empty headed little bitch.
Tara. The pathetic little waste of space hadn't deserved to share the same oxygen as his Red, much less share her bed and her heart. It had been when he had first hear about the new love in his Red's life that he had been hit with the truth, that he had realized the reason he felt calm around her, the reason he craved time with her, the reason he had been consumed by a blinding jealousy at the idea of anyone else touching her. He loved her. He'd reacted badly, deliberately trying to get them caught. Calling when he knew Tara was over, bumping into her during research sessions, eating her alive with his eyes, trying to force her into making a choice between him and that silly little bitch. She hadn't made a choice, though, instead continuing to see him at the same time she moved in with that stupid girl. Moved in with her. And she wouldn't even talk to him when her little friends were around. That's when he'd tried to get away from her, away from his feelings. He'd turned his attentions to the slayer. She was convenient and not too bad looking. He'd decided that maybe she would be more accepting of being loved and cherished. He was a bloody fool. A stupid pathetic fool for love.
Buffy had been disgusted at the idea of his feelings, her rejection fueling his need even more. When he'd finally had her, fucked her royally in that broken down old house, he'd realized what he had done. Too late then, so he'd gone with it. Also, he had enjoyed Red's reaction. She'd been upset. Oh, she'd tried to cover it up with a bland little smile, but he had seen the look, recognized it. He'd gotten so caught up in making her jealous, in making her hurt the same way he had that he hadn't seen her sliding into darkness, hadn't realized how out of control she had become. He hadn't been there for her when she had needed him. She hadn't called him, hadn't confided in him. She'd withdrawn from everyone, hurting alone. Only good thing was that she had lost her little shadow. Good riddance.
Now, he was at a loss. Things with the slayer were over. Hell, they'd never really begun. He'd never loved her. She wasn't his Red. She couldn't look into his eyes when his demon was out and accept him inside her. His Red, though, well, she was something special. He'd almost lost her to magic, had almost lost the only thing in his pathetic life that meant anything. He tightened his hold on her legs as he nuzzled the wetness between her legs. He wasn't going to lose her, had to convince her that what they had could be real, that it was worth giving it a chance. When he heard her cry of release, he moved quickly and sunk deep inside her. He moved deeply, his mouth moving over her neck as he felt her legs go around his waist. She met his thrusts, her lips moving over his face as she tightened around him. He growled as he came inside her, his lips capturing hers as he kissed her possessively. He'd try to figure out things later. Right now, he had to persuade her to skip school and spend the day with him. He figured if she was too exhausted to walk, she'd stay with him. A smile crossed his face as he kissed his way down her neck, ready to play again.
~Part: 7~
"Buttercup," Willow cried out as she felt Spike moving between her legs again. Good grief. She didn't know what was wrong with him, but he hadn't stopped tasting her, touching her, fucking her since she had arrived the night before. He was acting like the energizer bunny on crack! And, while she enjoyed his attentions, she was tired and really didn't think she had another orgasm left until she had rested a bit.
"You don't want me?" Spike looked at her, his blue eyes flashing hurt at her halt of his actions.
"Of course I want you, silly," she gave him a satisfied smile, "but I'm human. I need to rest. I'm a bit sore and sensitive at the moment so can we just snuggle?"
"Snuggle?" he gave her a pleased smile as he moved up the bed to lay behind her, his arm going around her waist as he pulled her against his body, "I can snuggle."
"I just like to be in your arms," she whispered softly, her hand moving over his arm, "it doesn't always have to be sex. I like to be held by you."
"I like to hold you," he admitted as he brushed his lips against the back of her neck. "You always smell so nice. Vanilla and jasmine and magic and sex. I could never get tired of smelling you."
Willow's eyes widened at his words, her breath catching as he gently kissed her neck. He liked how she smelled. He liked to hold her. She knew that he didn't hold Buffy like this, knew that that entire relationship had been about the sex and never the tenderness. How could her best friend be so stupid? How could Buffy throw away his love and devotion without even caring? Okay, so Spike said that he'd never loved Buffy, but was it true? Was he really just trying to cover up the hurt he felt at being dumped as the slayer's latest sex toy? Why he could love Buffy but not love her? She should go. She wasn't in a good emotional place at the moment, and being with Spike would only confuse her even more. She loved him so much that it was getting more and more difficult to spend time with him without saying the words. She didn't want to lose him, didn't want to lose this. "I should go."
Spike tightened his hold on her when he heard her soft words. She wanted to leave? He had just told her he liked holding her, liked being with her, and she wants to leave? "I thought you were spending the day," he said softly, not wanting her to leave. Once she left, it was back to pretending that it never happened. He was sick of the pretending. He wanted the freedom to sit beside her during those ridiculous research sessions, to kiss her without fear of getting caught, to be happy. For two years she had been his, but he'd never truly had her. He needed more, she needed more. Why couldn't she love him?
"I'm supposed to meet Buffy this morning," Willow said hating to speak her best friend's name, hating to leave the comfort of his arms, hating to leave the warmth of his bed. "I don't want her to worry."
"No, couldn't have the slayer worry," Spike snarled, moving to sit up. He was losing her to the slayer, just like normal. It was always the slayer or the moron or Tara. She never chose him. And still he loved her, needed her, wanted her. Bloody fool.
"Spike, I," she stopped, not sure what she was going to say. She didn't understand why he was angry, what had happened. He had been the one to suggest keeping their affair a secret, told her it was better for both of them if no one knew. She had agreed, knowing her friends would never understand. Now, she wasn't so sure about that. They would be surprised, but she didn't think she'd lose them if they found out that she and Spike were involved. Hell, they'd never liked Tara at all so Spike would probably be a step up in their minds. What was she thinking? It didn't matter. They'd never know. She sighed as she got to her feet, moving to find her bag with the clean clothes. "I'll just get dressed and go."
"Willow," he spoke softly, his eyes looking at her as she looked at him in surprise. He never said her real name. "Stay?"
Willow studied him silently, trying to read the emotions she saw in his eyes. He didn't want to be alone, he needed her. She decided that Buffy could wait. She'd think of some excuse, later. She put the bag down and moved towards the bed, her hand moving up to trace his face as she whispered, "Buttercup," before she caught his lips in a soft kiss. She'd stay.
~Part: 8~
Buffy heard the alarm and groaned, hitting the snooze button again. She opened one hazel eye, glaring at the clock that had disturbed her peaceful sleep. She reluctantly opened her other eye after seeing that it was after seven. She'd covered a yawn as she sat up, stretching before leaning over and turning her alarm off. She was up now, not believing that she was awake, well semi-awake, before seven. She hated being a responsible adult, she decided as she swung her legs out of bed to rest on the floor. She had quit school several months previous, but still woke up early to make sure Dawn got to school on time. Personally, she didn't miss school all that much. It had never been one of her strongest areas and she probably wouldn't have bothered with going to college if not for two reasons. One, her mother had expected it. Two, she'd had Willow with her. After her mother had died and she'd had to focus her energy on defeating Glory and taking care of Dawn, it had been easier to quit school. She'd tried to go back for Willow, but her heart hadn't been into it and she'd realized that she wouldn't lose Willow just because they weren't going to school together. Even with everything that had happened between the two of them since graduation, she still considered the redhead her best friend in the entire world and her soul mate, in a truly platonic sense of the word.
She grabbed shorts and a shirt from her dresser, rather glad that she'd had a long bath the previous night. That meant she didn't have to take her usual morning shower and she had more time to be sleepy and slow moving. She was dressed a few minutes later, entering the hallway and going to knock on Dawn's door. It took her a minute to remember that her sister had stayed over at Jaime's for the night causing her to groan as she realized she could have spent extra time sleeping. Life just wasn't fair she grumbled to herself as she went downstairs. Willow wasn't home yet but she knew they'd made plans to meet for breakfast so the redhead should be arriving soon. Buffy sat on the sofa and turned on some cartoons as she waited for her best friend. She wasn't really sure why Willow had stayed over the previous night with Tara, having thought that the two girls had broken up and officially decided to just be friends since it wasn't working out between them. Of course, there was a good chance that Willow's nightly stay had been friendly like and not sex like, but she still was a bit surprised that Tara had asked Willow to come over like that. The last she had heard, Tara had decided it was okay to be friends but would be easier for both of them to spend some time apart before trying to be friends again.
She was happy to see that Willow was moving on rather well considering the ending of her relationship with Tara. She could easily remember what it had been like after Oz had left, how sad Willow had been and how it had taken a while for her best friend to get over the loss of her first love. The circumstances had been slightly different, what with Oz killing someone and nearly killing Willow, Buffy frowned as she again wished she'd not been so immersed in Riley and stuff during that time and she'd skinned the wolf for hurting Willow so badly, and Tara leaving because Willow had gotten too into magic, but it was still a loss of someone she loved and Buffy knew what that felt like. It hurt and it was difficult to move on and you felt like no one else would ever love you in the same way and it felt like everything stopped until life finally moved on. Buffy wasn't too unhappy to see Tara gone from Willow's life, having always been a bit at a loss on how to deal with the quiet girl that had been devoted to Willow but aloof with the rest of them. She did find it a bit odd that the witch had left Willow during such a bad time, knowing that Willow had gotten a bit overwhelmed with her magic, dare she use the word addicted, but she'd thought Tara was the helpful sticking around kind.
When she'd confronted the witch on her leaving Willow at such a crucial time shortly after the break-up, the blonde had merely told her that she could no longer ignore what was real and that Willow didn't need her and a bunch of other vague crap that had left Buffy feeling like she'd been talking to Angel at the height of his crypticness. She had been able to understand Tara's side of things, in a way, what with the whole memory spell and stuff that Willow had done, but she knew that Willow had never intended to lose control that way. When Dawn had nearly been killed, well, she'd come close to following Tara in turning her back on her best friend but she loved Willow too much to desert her when she desperately needed people around who loved her and trusted her. Tara had left Willow to deal with everyone alone and Buffy wasn't exactly sure what all the reasons had been that had driven the witch away and really didn't care too much. Whatever the reasons, it meant that she and Xander had stepped up and given Willow the support she needed until she had her magic back under control. Buffy wasn't stupid enough to think Willow should turn her back on her natural gift for the craft, but she had encouraged the redhead to do whatever it took to get her control back which had required the girl to give it up for a couple of weeks. Now, Willow was becoming more comfortable and in control of her power, and she seemed more relaxed, though there were still times that she acted kind of strange, distracted in a way.
Buffy had been meaning to talk to Willow about everything but she'd been a bit caught up in her personal drama with Spike. She still didn't know why she'd done what she'd done, knowing that it had just been wrong. Okay, the sex had been real good and it had been rough and made her feel alive during a time she needed it, but she should never have let it get that far. When he'd first seemed to get the crush on her, she'd been surprised to say the least. Honestly, she'd thought he seemed to have a bit of a crush on Willow when he'd been chained at Giles at all. She had been a bit amused by his supposed feelings for her at first, then she'd been annoyed then she'd had so much to deal with that she'd tried to ignore them and focus his energy on keeping Dawn and her friends safe if she died, which she had. When she'd come back, she thought things had changed. He hadn't seemed the same. He'd been distracted and she'd caught him watching Willow in a way that reminded her of those first days he'd received the implant. Then there'd been that horrible night with all the singing and that kiss and then the sex had followed not long after. She'd used him, he'd let her use him, and there had been several times as she'd been getting dressed and stealing glances at him and seeing him staring at the wall with a guilt look on his face that she got the idea that he might have been using her, too. That was one of the many reasons she'd finally called it all off. She'd been confused by him, not sure why he'd feel guilt, not liking the idea of being used, not really liking the idea of using him. She was trying to be mature, trying to grow up, trying to be an adult and using someone that she didn't love for sex was a rather immature thing to do. Besides that, it kind of made her feel like Faith, which made her feel even worse about the choices she'd been making. That's why she'd stopped it last night. And, despite his protests, she'd seen a flash of relief in his blue eyes before she'd left.
So, overall, Buffy was feeling pretty good about everything. Dawn was doing well in school and they were actually starting to become friends as well as sisters. Xander and Anya weren't getting married but both had realized they weren't ready and were slowly rebuilding their relationship. Willow had her magic under control and seemed happier than she had been for a while, though Buffy was still a bit worried about her friend. She was looking forward to spending some quality time with the redhead, maybe she'd find out why Willow seemed sad at times and whether or not it was losing Tara that caused that sadness or something else. And now the Spike situation was taken care of. She'd been telling Willow the truth the night before when she said that she hoped she and the blond vampire could eventually become friends. They'd been friends, of sorts, before she'd died and it was nice having someone else she trusted watching her back. She glanced at the clock and realized that it was now after eight. She'd been so busy thinking that she hadn't noticed how late it was getting. She'd have expected Willow to be home by now if they were going to have breakfast before the redhead's first class started. Maybe Willow had told her to meet her at the café and she just hadn't been listening. That made more sense, anyway. The place they'd get breakfast was close to the campus so it meant they could take longer eating and Willow wouldn't worry about being late for class.
Buffy got off the couch after she turned off the television, deciding that it made perfect sense that Willow was waiting for her at the café that was close to Tara's apartment and the campus rather than coming all the way home first. She hoped she hadn't kept her friend waiting too long. She'd feel pretty foolish to explain that she'd spent half an hour sitting around thinking and waiting all the time that Willow was waiting for her across town. Buffy locked the house and went outside, taking a deep breath of fresh air. It was nice outside already. Sunny and pleasant with a coolness to the air that didn't make it feel as hot as it could be. She got in the car and headed towards her and Willow's favorite breakfast hangout as she decided to blame the alarm not working on the reason for her being late rather than admit she just hadn't been listening the previous night when Willow had probably mentioned meeting at the restaurant instead of at home. She was pretty hungry and was looking forward to spending time with her best friend without having to keep her affair with Spike a secret as she'd been doing for the last couple of months. She was glad that she had told Willow everything, hating keeping secrets from her best friend. She began to sing along to the radio. It was such a nice day, maybe she'd see if the redhead wanted to skip class and just hang out and enjoy the day. With that idea in mind, she began to drive to the diner to have breakfast with Willow.
~Part: 9~
Buffy's eyes swept over the diner as she walked inside, the smell of pancakes and bacon reminding her that she was hungry. She frowned when she didn't see Willow, glancing at the clock that was on the wall behind the counter and seeing that it was after eight. She didn't remember an exact time being mentioned, but Willow's first class on Fridays was at half past nine so Buffy figured her friend would already be waiting for her. She went ahead and took a seat, rather proud of herself for getting there early. Well, before Willow since she wasn't sure of an exact time they were supposed to meet to know if she was indeed early or late, but it didn't matter because Willow still wasn't there.
The slayer ordered something to drink, deciding to wait to order her food until Willow got there. She watched the clock as the minutes went by, finally ordering something to eat after she'd been waiting for fifteen minutes. She began to wonder if Willow had forgotten their breakfast plans, or if something else had come up. But, she would have expected Willow to call her and let her know. Her best friend was very responsible in matters like that and Buffy found it hard to believe that the redhead had forgotten or failed to call to cancel had something come up. She guessed there was a chance that the overnight with Tara had actually turned into a reconciliation type of thing, but, from what she'd observed the last few weeks, she would never have imagined Tara and Willow getting back together. She honestly wasn't sure the two would ever really be friends again, much less a couple. She was glad when her food arrived, knowing that eating would give her more energy to think about what was going on with her best friend.
As she ate, she began to replay events of the last few months. Phone calls in the middle of the night, Willow gone to school before Buffy woke up….was it possible that Willow had been sneaking out to see Tara all along? That didn't make sense, though. Tara had been pretty vocal when she'd talked to her about things, going on and on about Willow not wanting her or needing her, about lying and reality and, Buffy frowned as she realized that she hadn't really been paying enough attention to Tara's cryptic rambling. She'd been a bit surprised when the quiet girl had suddenly started talking so much and felt a bit guilty when she'd seen the tears in the girl's eyes as she spoke about what all had been wrong between her and Willow. She'd honestly escaped as soon as she could. Now, she wished she'd listened a bit more.
Buffy finished eating, sighing when she noticed that it was a little after nine. It appeared that Willow had either forgotten their tentative breakfast plans, that she'd gone home looking for Buffy and had missed her, or that something had come up that hadn't given the redhead an opportunity to call and cancel. Buffy had been looking forward to having breakfast with her friend, but she knew that things happened. She was actually more curious than upset. She'd never given much thought to those mysterious phone calls she'd hear in the middle of the night and she'd never realized that Willow was always gone to school early on the following mornings which was odd. She was either meeting someone at night and not returning home or she was leaving early to meet someone before school. It had to be Tara, didn't it? Buffy knew that Willow wasn't dating anyone else. Heck, the redhead wasn't even flirting with anyone that she knew of, much less sneaking off and spending the night with someone. No, it had to be Tara. Willow had told her the previous night that that was where she was going and Buffy had no reason to believe that Willow would lie to her about something like that. Willow was the most honest person that Buffy knew and, if the redhead ever did lie to her, it would have to be something really, really big.
Buffy paid for her breakfast and went to her car. She sat in the parking lot of the diner for a few minutes as she continued to think. Something was nagging at the back of her mind and she couldn't put her finger on it. She'd been thinking too much, she decided. Willow had gotten busy with something and hadn't had a chance to call. That's all that had happened. She was putting too much thought into everything. Okay, so she wasn't too fond of Tara and had hoped that Willow had moved on from the witch and was a bit concerned that her friend's failure to turn up for food was the result of a reconciliation between the two girls. Another part of her worried that Willow might have been in an accident on the way to the diner, and another part of her wondered why she was so intent on making such a big deal out of something so silly. She decided to go by Willow's class and make sure that her friend was okay. So she was being a bit overprotective, but that was just part of being a slayer. She always worried about the people she cared about, deciding that she'd see if Willow wanted to have lunch together instead of breakfast.
~Part: 10~
It didn't take her long to drive to the college, her mind still trying to remember the thought that was eluding her. She was on her way to Willow's class when she saw Tara. She smiled as she started for the blonde, stopping on the path when she saw a girl with dark brown hair move beside the girl and kiss her. Okay, that was so not expected. She watched the two girls for a second before she looked away in confusion. Tara was making out with someone that wasn't Willow, giving a pretty good impression that it wasn't something all that new. What had she wanted to talk to Willow about the night before? Was it about this new girl in her life? Did she tell Willow that she was in love and happy and now they could be friends? If so, how had Willow handled the news? Buffy had thought that Willow was over Tara, that she'd moved on rather quickly considering. Had that acceptance been an act? Was the reason she missed breakfast because she was hurt and upset and sad?
Buffy fought the urge to go over and slap Tara for the pain she may have caused Willow, focusing instead on the relief that the girl had moved on which meant she wouldn't be part of their group anymore. She'd never disliked Tara, but she'd always been so quiet and didn't seem to like any of them except Willow. She'd always been polite, but there'd never really been any hint that she liked any of them. She had been good with Dawn, Buffy corrected. Her sister loved Willow and Tara, both girls becoming her parents the summer following Buffy's death, and Tara had seemed to return that affection. She'd gotten a bit more confidence over the last year, become a bit more vocal, but she'd still been on the edge instead of being a part of their group. Oh, she'd never been overly rude to any of them and had been friendly enough, but she'd never really seemed to want to be a part of the group. She'd been there for Willow and that had been that. She'd tolerated them in sort of the same way they'd tolerated her.
Well, not all of them. While Tara had been polite and nice enough to her and Xander and Anya, she'd always been rude to Spike. She never spoke to the vampire, which wasn't that surprising. Xander wasn't overly nice to him, either, though they seemed to have come to a sort of understanding after Buffy's death. Buffy could have understood a dislike of Spike, him being a vampire and a sarcastic bastard most of the time, but Tara hadn't just avoided talking to him or being around him. Buffy had caught the blonde glaring at Spike many times during their research sessions, before her death and even more afterwards. True, Spike hadn't helped the situation any, usually staring back with a slight smirk and glare of his own. Buffy hadn't given those exchanges any particular thought except to make sure they didn't patrol together since it was obvious they didn't get along for some reason. No one else seemed to notice so she figured she was reading more into it. Besides, lately, she'd been caught up in her affair with Spike and thought she might have been putting her own anger at herself for getting mixed up with him into Tara's thoughts about Spike.
She wasn't very surprised to find that Willow wasn't in class. Now, she just had to figure out where the redhead would go if she was upset. She hadn't gone home, or, at least, she hadn't before Buffy had left a little over an hour before. Xander was at work as was Anya. Dawn was at school. If Willow wanted to be alone, Buffy had no idea which of the numerous places around town the redhead might choose. But, it didn't make sense. Why would Tara call Willow and ask her to come over so she could tell her she'd moved on? They were talking at school as far as Buffy was aware. She found it hard to believe that Tara would make such a production about dating someone else. The girl wasn't known for being dramatic and it just seemed a bit silly to ask your ex-girlfriend to spend the night so you could tell her about your new girlfriend. But, if it wasn't Tara, what was it? Something had come up to cause Willow to cancel their plans without calling. Buffy groaned as she rubbed her temples. The nagging was back, annoyance flashing in her eyes as she tried to figure out what her mind was trying to tell her. This was why she left the thinking to Willow and Giles. She ended up with a headache and too many thoughts that never made any sense. She sat there silently for a few minutes, her mind racing through the many topics she'd been thinking about since waking up that morning.
She'd actually been thinking that something was up since the previous night, when she'd heard Willow talking about secrets and she'd seen the flash of guilt in her friend's eyes that gave her a good idea that the redhead was keeping a secret of her own. That had made her curious and she'd probably spent too much time trying to figure out what sort of secret Willow would keep from her. In a way, she might be better off not finding out. She trusted Willow with her life and figured that there must be a good reason if a secret was indeed being kept. Besides, she'd had her own secret concerning her numerous sex having escapades with Spike, though Willow had guessed that secret so it had been easier confessing the truth. She had just turned on her car, her mind still thinking about the conversation that she and Willow had the previous night about her and Spike, when it suddenly hit her. Eyes widened as she sat back, denial flashing in their hazel depths as she shook her head slowly. It all started to make sense, perfect sense. Why had she never seen it before?
She felt sick to her stomach as she closed her eyes, the pieces fitting together all too well. It was the phone calls, the disappearances. She could remember coming home from patrol to find Dawn and Tara watching TV and Willow out running errands….phone calls in the middle of the night and whispered conversations….and then she remembered Tara's intense hatred of Spike. Buffy sighed as she put all the pieces together, Spike watching Willow when he first arrived at Giles' with the chip, his sudden change of attitude a month or so after he'd been forced to help them, Willow's dorm bed empty when she'd come by in the morning after spending the night with Riley, Spike's hatred of Tara, his sudden crush on her following Willow's new relationship, the smirks and the glaring at research sessions between Tara and Spike, Spike's change of attitude towards her after she'd come back from the dead, Willow growing dependence on magic after Buffy had started having sex with Spike, Tara's cryptic words about facing reality and not being wanted, Willow's periods of distraction, even Spike's relief when she'd ended things the night before…it all finally made sense. Buffy couldn't believe it, didn't understand it, was confused and hurt and worried about her best friend, but she knew she was right. Willow was having an affair with Spike.