Parts: 11 - 20
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~Part: 11~
Willow loved the sound of his voice. The redhead smiled softly as she snuggled closer to Spike, her head resting against his flat stomach as he sat up against the headboard. He was reading to her, had been reading to her since shortly after she'd decided to stay with him for the day. She'd pulled on his T-shirt before moving to lay across his lap, enjoying the scent of him surrounding her. She was tired and her body was a bit sore so she'd put on the shirt as a way of letting him know she would stay with him but she needed a bit of a rest. She'd not been at all surprised that he'd understood her, knowing that he knew her better than anyone in her life. He'd held her against him and asked if she wanted to hear a story. She'd been a bit surprised when he'd picked up an old book, listening to him as he began to read stories of Gods and Goddesses and mythology that had been passed down for thousands of years.
She felt his fingers in her hair, brushing it gently as he read. Every so often, his fingers would move over her cheek or her neck before moving back to her hair. It was a feeling that she couldn't really describe, laying against the man she loved as he gently caressed her face and read her stories of times long ago. She realized that she was happier than she'd been in weeks, perhaps months. She was with Spike and there wasn't an urgency to leave to get back before she was missed. She was able to enjoy being with him, to not worry that he was thinking about someone else, to know that he didn't love Buffy, to know that he wanted her to stay, that he liked holding her and touching her and being with her. She could be with him without feeling guilty about betraying her relationship with Tara, without the insecurity of comparing herself to Buffy, without any of the baggage that had seemed to be constantly with them since shortly after they started their relationship. In the beginning, it had been rough and wild and new and she'd honestly liked having a secret that she shared with Spike. They'd been able to be together without really caring what might happen if they were found out, knowing that it was just sex, just a way to release their tension and their emotions and everything without being judged. Then, she'd met Tara and felt something for the other woman. Something that was different than what she felt for Spike. Tara was comfortable and safe and had loved her. Spike didn't love her. He wanted her and enjoyed having sex with her, seemed to like spending time with her, but he didn't look at her like Tara did, as if she were the most important person in the world, as if a smile from her could make the day better. Tara made her feel loved and cared for, while Spike made her feel alive and wanted.
She'd been selfish, not wanting to lose either feeling. She'd never felt the way that Spike made her feel, never felt such intense desire and need and loss of control. His touch could make her forget everything except needing him inside her. But, that's all it had been. They rarely spoke after their time together, usually just meeting and having explosive sex and then leaving to act as if nothing had happened. When she'd decided to try a relationship with Tara, it had been for all the wrong reasons. She'd known that then, she knew that now. She had grown to love Tara, in her own way, but she knew that what she'd done was wrong. It had been so wonderful, though, to have someone that loved her back. She honestly hadn't known what might happen when she'd first started to date Tara, not ever considering herself the type of person to cheat on someone she loved. Stolen kisses with Xander had been the closest thing, and that had been mostly about the what ifs in her life and the love that she had felt for Xander even then. What had happened with Tara and her and her and Spike hadn't been expected at all. Spike hadn't let her go, he hadn't said anything when he'd smelled Tara on her, which she knew he had to, instead giving her the fuck of her life as he'd stared into her eyes the entire time. She'd realized then that things had turned around…that somewhere along the way it had become about more than just sex with her and Spike….and she'd realized that she wasn't cheating on Tara with him, no, she'd been cheating on him by being with Tara. It had been that night nearly two years ago that she'd admitted to herself that she loved Spike.
It had also been that night that things had started to change between them. After the sex, he'd not let her go. He'd held her as he told her a story about his travels in Europe, as he opened up for the first time since they'd started their relationship. That was when they'd started to become friends as well as lovers. And that was when her entire life became the fucked up mess that left her feeling guilty for not wanting to lose the comfort of Tara's love even as she realized that she would never be able to give up Spike. He'd changed, too, after he realized that she was involved with someone else. He'd started touching her whenever he could at research sessions without drawing attention to it, always giving her a slight smirk when she'd glare at him. He'd started calling her at odd hours, whispering their code before hanging up and leaving her trying to figure out a way to go to him without getting caught. When she'd moved in with Tara, he'd been angry, never saying anything but giving her no doubt that he wasn't pleased about it. It was soon after that that he seemed to decide he was in love with Buffy. When she'd heard him say the words the first time, it had felt like someone had pushed a knife into her heart. She hadn't been able to say anything, instead accepting it silently as he had accepted her relationship with Tara. It had hurt, though. He could spend months having sex with her, becoming her friend, but he couldn't love her. But he could love her best friend, someone that treated him like crap and couldn't even stand being around him.
She'd had to watch as he'd gone after her best friend, to sit quietly as he made a fool out of himself over someone that didn't want him. After Buffy died, she'd spent more time with him. They'd spent hours talking and having sex and just being together. She'd not told him about her research into bringing Buffy back, had thought he would be angry with her for delving into dark magic, could still remember the night after Buffy's return. He'd been rough and passionate, bruising her and biting her, scolding her and punishing her for messing with forces that she couldn't control. She'd barely been able to walk when he was finished with her, dazed by the fear and anger and hurt that she'd seen in his eyes. She'd thought then that he might feel something for her, that he might care about her. It wasn't long after that he'd started fucking Buffy so she figured whatever she'd seen in his eyes that night had just been wishful thinking on her part. She'd assumed he'd forget her once he had Buffy, but he hadn't. It hurt worse than anything she could remember, hearing that he was involved with the slayer. She'd started pushing Tara away, guilty over her love for Spike and over sneaking around behind Tara's back. She had never intended to hurt Tara, never intended for things to turn out like they did, but she failed. Tara had known about Spike, had known that she didn't love her in a forever after kind of way, had loved her enough to not complain though she'd hated Spike for having Willow in a way that she never could. Willow had found all this out after she'd gotten so careless with her magic, after she'd let it take control of her so that she could stop feeling jealous and hurt. It had worked. She'd stopped feeling anything, had nearly gotten Dawn killed, had heard things from Tara that she'd never thought she'd hear, had nearly lost herself.
Buffy and Xander had been there for her, her best friends giving her the support she needed, helping her find the strength she'd forgotten she had. Spike had been there, too, keeping her with him for hours at a time, touching her and watching her and talking to her, not at all upset about Tara leaving her, seeming to be happy that the girl was out of her life even as he continued to fuck Buffy whenever the slayer felt horny. Willow could only blame herself for everything that had happened, from getting so deeply involved with Tara when she had feelings for someone else to letting her insecurity and hurt draw her into such dark magic. She'd accepted that she loved Spike and that he was involved with Buffy. She'd continued to see him, her feelings continuing to grow as she got her life back under control. She'd watched as Buffy had started to get her own life under control, too. She'd seen the slayer starting to smile again, starting to laugh, starting to enjoy life in a way she hadn't since she'd been brought back. Willow knew that Spike had been honest with her when he said that he'd never loved Buffy, knowing him well enough to know when he was lying. He'd accepted the end of his relationship with Buffy easily, seeming to be glad that it was finished. He'd asked her to stay with him, had said that he liked holding her, had not wanted her to leave him. Did that mean anything or was it just more wishful thinking on her part? She knew that she loved him, had loved him since the first. She knew that she loved being with him, loved tasting him, loved listening to him, loved being held by him, loved touching him, loved laying against him as he gently touched her face. If she told him the truth, if she confessed her love, if she told him that she never wanted to let him go, what would he do?
~Part: 12~
Spike realized that Willow had stopped listening to him nearly twenty minutes before. She'd moved her head against him, getting more comfortable, and then her breathing had changed. She'd started thinking. He knew that if he looked into her eyes now they'd have a slightly distant look, the color lighter than normal. He continued reading, not wanting to stop for fear that it would disturb her. He didn't know what she was thinking about, but he figured it was about them. It felt different today, though he had no idea why. Maybe it was because everything with Buffy was officially over, maybe it was because Tara had moved out of Willow's life, maybe it was because Willow had chosen to stay with him. He'd been extremely happy when she'd looked into his eyes and smiled that soft smile reserved for him and agreed to stay. He'd wanted to toss her on the bed and sink deep inside her and remain there until they were forced to move. Instead, he'd been content to give her a rest and simply hold her against him as he read to her.
He'd done some thinking of his own as he read, having memorized a few of the stories after reading them to Drusilla repeatedly for as long as he could remember. His sire had liked the stories and had spent many an evening twirling around and smiling as he'd told of the brave deeds of the characters in the stories. It was one of his fond memories of his time with her, having always enjoyed reading to her. Sharing it now with Willow felt right, made him remember good times as he embraced a present that was even better. Willow in his arms as he read surpassed even the best memory of entertaining his Princess. He had loved Drusilla, still loved his sire in the way that love always lingered even as it faded, but what he felt for Willow transcended the feelings he'd had for his sire. He loved Willow with every fiber in his body. Had he possessed a soul, he knew that she would have been the other half. He'd always felt it, from the first, but he'd been scared to death of what she made him feel, of the way she captivated both demon and man, that he'd reacted by closing himself off. He'd fucked her and given her what she needed, but he'd never let her inside. Then she'd run off and gotten involved with the waste of space and made him angry and jealous and forced him into acknowledging that his feelings for her had not gone away after they'd started having sex as he'd hoped, had in fact become something he'd never imagined feeling for a human. He'd fought back, not planning on losing her now that he'd found her. He'd played the game, trying to force her into breaking it off with Tara, into choosing him over the quiet little witch. When that hadn't worked, he'd been pissed off and decided to move on to someone else.
If he could love Willow with such intense emotion, surely he could transfer those feelings to someone else. He'd chosen Buffy, stupid fool that he was, and he'd eventually started to care about her. She reminded him of his past, of wanting something that he could never have, of the challenge that he always enjoyed. He'd never loved her, but he'd wanted her. He wanted to win, wanted to see her admit defeat. Once he had fucked her and had won, he'd just felt guilty. He'd been disgusted with himself, having gotten over his desire for her after she'd died, when he'd spent even more time with the redhead that had his heart. He'd only continued the game with Buffy because he'd been angry with Willow, not able to believe that she'd risked her own life to bring back the slayer. He'd punished her after that, scared to death that he could have lost her, hurt that she'd not told him of her plan, angry that she'd be so stupid and foolish. He'd gone after Buffy to punish Willow, knowing that she had been jealous of his feelings before, knowing that it was a way he could try to force her into admitting that she wanted him and didn't need Tara in her life.
All he'd ended up doing was making it worse. He'd fucked Buffy, had felt guilty when he'd seen the pain in Willow's eyes after she'd been told even as he'd liked her reaction to the news. He'd used Buffy as a way to get to Willow, to make her feel how he felt thinking about her with Tara….perhaps to make her realize she loved him. In the end, she'd lost Tara but also nearly lost herself. He'd not wanted to let her go after that, watching as she'd gotten herself out of the situation, as she'd gotten her strength and power back, as she'd regained her control over her life. He'd loved her even more after watching her struggle with her own demons, watching her defeat them. Buffy had stopped coming around so much, and he'd not had to share Willow with Tara. Then, last night, Buffy had officially ended it. He'd been relieved, glad that it was over even as he'd argued with her. When he'd seen Willow enter the crypt, when he'd looked into her eyes as she'd snapped about having to listen to him talk about Buffy, when she'd whispered Buttercup against his lips, he realized that she might be able to love him.
He wanted her to love him. He wanted to be free to be with her whenever he wanted, to hold her and kiss her and just look at her without worrying about someone seeing or finding out. In the beginning, he'd suggested keeping it a secret. He'd been surprised by his reaction to her, hadn't wanted to lose her because of her stupid friends, had liked sharing the secret with her. It was fun, sneaking away after those monotonous research sessions and having a secret rendezvous, playing with her and tasting her and teaching her. He'd liked teasing her when everyone was around, able to smell her instant arousal that would follow even the most casual touch from him. Whispering their code in her ear during research, watching as she made some excuse to her little shadow and then shagging her like crazy in the alley behind the store, hoping they weren't caught even as he wished they would be. He was tired of the game now, tired of the act, tired of the secret. He wanted everyone to know that she was his, that she'd been his for over two years, and would be his for eternity.
"Is the story over?" Willow's soft voice suddenly disturbed his thoughts.
He looked down at her, a slight smile crossing his lips as he realized he'd gotten so caught up in thinking that he'd stopped reading, "Sorry, luv. I was just thinking."
"About what?" she asked as she moved her head to at him.
"I think I might move," Spike said, mentioning something he'd been thinking about earlier, knowing that now was not the time to tell her that he wanted her to love him and wanted her with him for an eternity or two.
"Move?" Willow tried to keep her voice normal even as she felt her breath stop at his words. He couldn't move, he couldn't leave Sunnydale…couldn't leave her.
"Yeah," Spike nodded, glancing around before looking back into her eyes, curious when he saw the panic in them, "I'm getting a bit tired of the crypt. Thought I might look for something a bit nicer, with normal plumbing and all. More comfortable for you and all that."
"In Sunnydale?" Willow asked, so relieved to realize that he meant just moving from the crypt that she didn't notice the slight fear in his eyes as he mentioned getting a nicer place where she'd be more comfortable.
"Where else?" he asked with honest confusion. "Not real fond of apartments, personally, so maybe a house. What do you think?"
"I think it sounds like a lovely idea," Willow admitted, her heart beat back to normal as she realized that he wasn't going to leave her. She looked at him with curiosity as she asked, "Spike, how can you get a house? You don't even usually have money for cigarettes."
"Of course I do," he smiled at her, pleased at her reaction to his news. He'd come to the decision to move from the crypt shortly after he'd realized that he wanted a real relationship with Willow, knowing that he couldn't very well have her move in to the crypt with him, once that time came. He wanted to be with her, wanted a life with her, wanted a real relationship with her. A logical first step seemed to be getting a house, somewhere they could live together and share their lives. He saw her confusion about the money issue and explained, "Angelus might not have been a boy scout, pet, but his motto was to always be prepared. He might have been a miserable bastard, but he took care of his own, still does. He set up an account for me shortly after I was turned and he had decided to keep me. I've added some to it throughout the years, too."
"Haven't you used it all by now?" Willow said, finding it odd to think that Angelus would care enough about anyone to make sure they would have the means to take care of themselves. He'd not seemed like the caring type, but, then again, she'd seen him at a very bad time with his whole make the slayer and her friends pay for making me feel human mentality.
"Not hardly, luv," Spike smiled, "investments are good, balance keeps rising. I'll be well taken care for another century or two, at least."
"Why did you help us, then?" she had to ask, remembering the many times he'd trade information for money. "I mean, you said you'd only help if we gave you money and you never seemed to have any, but you really had what must be quite a bit saved up. So, why did you come over and research and help out?"
"You have to ask me that, luv?" he asked softly, his eyes meeting hers as he brushed his fingers over her cheek, thinking back to what she was talking about, remembering using money as the excuse to hang around so he could be with her, making sure they knew that he wasn't there because he wanted to be for fear that she'd realize he was falling for her even before they had sex for the first time, continuing to use the trading of money for information as a cover so that no one would get suspicious of him always being around.
"Oh," Willow's eyes widened at the implication of his words. He'd helped them because of her. A soft smile crossed her face as she leaned against his hand, putting her love and desire into one word as she whispered, "Buttercup."
He slowly smiled a wicked smile at her use of their word, seeing the desire in her green eyes as he moved his thumb across her lips, asking her innocently, "Are you still feeling tired, pet?"
"Not so much…actually feeling pretty frisky right now," she responded with a smile as she ran her tongue over his thumb, moving so that she was on her stomach, her eyes darkening as she sucked his thumb into her mouth. She could feel the desire spread over her as he moved his hand and lowered his head to claim her mouth. She whimpered in need as she straddled his leg, his shirt rising over her bare bottom as his hand cupped her ass. She tangled her fingers in his short hair as he moved their positions until she was on her back, the sheet being pushed down until he was between her legs. They continued to kiss as he entered her, her fingernails digging into his back as they moved as one.
~Part: 13~
As Willow and Spike's tender kiss became more heated and hands began to move, the blonde slayer turned quickly and made her way away from the bedroom of the crypt. Buffy's eyes were wide and confused as she quietly walked towards the entrance, not wanting to alert the couple to her presence. Finally, she was walking into sunlight, her hand moving up to run over her face as she flashed back over everything that had happened in the last half hour.
She'd been at the college when she'd connected the dots and realized that there was a good chance that Spike and Willow were having an affair. She couldn't believe she'd never seen it before, couldn't believe she'd been so caught up in her own life that she hadn't realized her best friend was in some sort of relationship with Spike. She hadn't known what to think, really. If she was correct with her suspicions, and her slayer sense told her that she was, why had Willow started dating Tara? Why had Willow gotten involved with the quiet witch if she was already involved with Spike? And what was Spike's deal? Why had he claimed to love her if he was screwing around with Willow the entire time? She'd felt terribly guilty when she realized that she'd been having sex with Spike when he was involved with her best friend. True, she hadn't known about the two of them, and the entire thing was a huge confusing mess that she couldn't begin to understand, but she still felt guilty.
She'd decided to go to the crypt and confront Spike. She knew that she'd get some answers from him, that she could find out if Willow and Spike had actually been having an affair nearly the entire time they'd known each other. She also hoped that she'd be able to look into his eyes and know how he felt about Willow. She wanted to know if it was all just sex like their relationship had been or if it was something more. She needed to know that it was real, that it wasn't just her overactive imagination putting pieces together into a puzzle that wasn't right, before she talked to Willow. Right now, she was stunned and confused and a bit angry and guilty. She'd just now finally been able to start getting her best friend back and she had no intention of losing Willow over this mess, especially if she was wrong about it all. She'd decided that Spike would be the best place to get some answers. He was honest and wouldn't lie to her. He might be evasive and try to get out of answering a question, but he wouldn't lie.
She'd arrived at the cemetery not too long after she set her mind on her new goal for the day. She hadn't wanted to go in angry, knowing that that would only put Spike on the defensive and that she'd probably not get any answers. It had taken her a few minutes to get her emotions under control. She was still reeling from her suspicions, still doubtful as to the validity of them even as she knew that she was probably right. She didn't know why Willow hadn't told her about Spike from the first. Okay, so maybe it had been a bad time, what with the initiative and Riley and everything that had been happening back then. But, that had been two years ago. Two years! Buffy couldn't believe that Willow would keep something like this from her for so long. And she didn't understand about Tara and why Willow would get into another relationship if she was involved with Spike.
She also didn't understand what sort of relationship existed between her best friend and Spike, but she wanted to understand. She wanted to be there for Willow, to let her know that they were best friends no matter what. She figured that Spike would be able to give her an idea how it had started, what the exact nature of the relationship was, and then she'd have some time to think about it all before she talked to Willow. She wanted to know that she was saying the right things, that she wasn't going to upset her best friend and lose the redhead from her life. She was so glad that she'd already ended things with Spike, relieved that she was no longer involved with the same man as her best friend. What's done was done and she couldn't change the fact that she'd slept with him a dozen times in the last six weeks or so, but she could be glad that it had ended before she'd found about him and Willow. Hell, she was glad that she'd never become emotionally involved with him. That made it a lot easier to deal with in many ways. They'd sort of become friends after she'd been brought back, then she'd started having sex with him. That was about the extent of their relationship. She cared about him, in some ways, but it was sort of the way she cared about Xander or Giles. She didn't regret being with him the way she regretted that night with Parker, but it had never really seemed right when they were together. She'd used him and he'd let her use him and maybe he'd used her in a way and it was just too confusing and she was getting another headache.
After she'd calmed down and decided on the way to question Spike without pissing him off and ending up with no answers, she'd entered the crypt. To say she'd been surprised to find Willow's clothes laying around the dirty floor was a bit of an understatement. She didn't know why, really. If her theory was right, which it most definitely seemed to be now, Willow had spent the night with Spike after he'd called her the previous evening. It shouldn't been a big surprise that the redhead had stayed with him today, missing class and their breakfast plans, but it was a bit of a shock to realize that she'd actually been right. She'd picked up the shirt, recognizing it as one of Willow's, moving to sit on the stairs as she'd rested her head in her hands. She hadn't felt the normal triumph of being proven right. Instead, she'd felt more confused and uncertain. She just didn't understand. With a sigh, she'd stood and moved down the path to the bedroom that Spike had on a lower level. She had no doubts now that she would find Willow with the vampire. She wasn't sure what she was going to do, knowing that a big scene would only end up making things worse. She just wanted to see her best friend, she decided, to see if she could understand any of this. When she'd neared his room, she'd heard voices. Something about a story. A story? Curiosity moved into her hazel eyes as she quietly made her way towards the door, knowing that it was wrong to listen but deciding that she might get more answers from watching them than confronting them. Besides, it would give her time to think about everything.
What she saw surprised her. Willow had been wearing Spike's shirt and laying against him with a smile on her face that Buffy couldn't remember seeing in a very long time. She looked beautiful and happy. Buffy had leaned back so she wouldn't be seen as she studied her best friend of six years. She listened as Spike mentioned moving, watching as Willow's eyes had changed only to brighten when he clarified that he wanted a house in Sunnydale. Buffy's eyes had moved from Willow to look at Spike when she heard him mention somewhere that Willow would be more comfortable. That's when she got her second, or was it third, shock of the morning. Spike was looking at Willow in a way that he'd never looked at her during the height of his supposed love and devotion to her. He was looking at Willow in a way that she could vaguely remember seeing him look at Drusilla when they'd first arrived in town, but it was even more than that. She'd blatantly eavesdropped when he told Willow about having money, watching as he'd smiled and asked her best friend something about needing to ask the question, realizing that he'd only been helping them at the beginning to be around Willow. When she'd watched them kiss, eyes widening as Willow's bare butt flashed, Buffy had turned her head quickly, definitely not wanting to see what was most likely about to happen. Instead, she'd gotten out of there as quickly and quietly as she could, her mind overloaded with information and realizations. She wanted some answers and she'd definitely gotten some, though there were still questions. If anything, after seeing them together, she was even more confused.
She needed to talk to someone about everything, to just let all the information out of her head before it exploded from having way too much in it. She couldn't talk to Willow about this since it involved the redhead, but that was the person she always talked to about everything. She knew what she had seen in that room, what she'd heard, knew that things were changing. She walked through the cemetery slowly, her mind thinking about everything yet again. She smiled wryly as she made a promise to herself that she was going to take an entire day and think about nothing at all to make up for all the thinking she'd done so far today. She made a decision, knowing what she would do. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone, dialing a familiar number.
"Xan, it's Buffy. You want to do lunch today? I think we need to talk," Buffy said when she heard her other best friend's voice over the phone.
"Hey, Buff. Sure, lunch is good, but I'm meeting Anya. Is it okay if she's there or can we do the talking some other time?" Xander asked, not wanting to cancel his lunch with Anya now that they were finally talking again and starting to try to get things worked out between them.
"She can be there," Buffy decided, "I'll meet you at work at eleven, okay?"
"Okay. Buffy, what's this about?" Xander asked, curious why Buffy sounded so serious. "Is it some evil happening or what?"
"No, it's nothing like that," Buffy explained, "I just feel like having a nice chat with one of my best friends. We need to chat once in a while, to talk about things and figure things out and we can eat while we talk which is all good, right?"
"You get enough sleep last night, Buffy? You're turning into rambling slayer," Xander asked with a laugh before saying, "I'd better back to work but I'll see you at eleven."
"See you then, Xander," Buffy said as she hung up the phone. She'd tell Xander everything, she decided, even the part about her and Spike, not wanting anymore secrets between her and her best friends. Honestly, she was being completely selfish by talking to Xander about all of this. She wanted someone else to be as confused and surprised as she was, and she was also hoping that talking about it might help her make some sort of sense of the whole thing because she was even more confused after her visit to the crypt. She'd thought there was a chance that it was just sex, that maybe that's why Willow had gotten involved with Tara and why Spike had claimed to have feelings for her. Now, though, she knew that was completely wrong. Willow had been smiling and relaxed and happy when she'd been laying in Spike's arms, and Spike had been tender and affectionate and vulnerable with the redhead. No, it definitely wasn't just sex. Buffy had seen it with her own eyes, she knew that there was no denying the truth. Willow and Spike were in love.
~Part: 14~
"We're supposed to be having lunch together," Anya was griping as she sat down in the booth opposite Xander, glaring at him as she reminded, "Together means you and me. It does not include Buffy so why is she joining us for food?"
"I told you that she wanted to talk," Xander sighed, "and I tried to put her off but she said that you could be here and that made me realize that it must be something serious and I wouldn't be much of a friend if I told her no. Besides, look at her. She's acting weird."
"She's finally stopped pacing outside by the car and is on her way over here," Anya remarked casually, a bit curious as to what the slayer had to discuss even as she made sure that Xander was aware of her annoyance at the blonde intruding on their lunch date. They'd promised each other when they had agreed to start over and give their relationship another chance that they would be honest about their feelings and would spend more time talking so that there would be communication between them. She'd honestly felt like killing Xander when he'd decided not to marry her, okay, maybe a spot of torture for a few weeks and then killing, but death had been the goal in her plans. Then, after a few days, something horrible had happened. She'd missed him. He'd hurt her and left her at the alter, but she'd still loved him. Luckily, he seemed to feel the same way, looking rather horrible by the time she'd broken down and seen him, and they'd spent hours talking.
This was only their third lunch date, her chances of getting away from the store not as frequent since Giles had moved to England, but she'd finally hired a part time girl that seemed trustworthy enough to leave alone to meet Xander for a quick lunch. She was a bit surprised when Buffy moved to sit beside her, moving over to make room for the slayer. Xander was right. Buffy was acting even weirder than normal. She'd met them at the construction site that Xander was working at, pacing and muttering and acting strange. When they'd arrived at the café, she'd told them to go on inside and that she'd join them soon. She'd said that she had to think. Well, that right there made Anya even more curious than before. She could count on one hand the times that Buffy had used the word think in connection with herself, and those times had centered around serious events.
"So, Buff, how're ya doing?" Xander asked as he looked at one of his two best friends in the world. He had to admit that he was a bit worried. She'd been different since Willow had brought her back to life, but she'd been changing over the last couple of months and he'd thought she was starting to adjust to everything. She'd been there for Willow during the magic problems and she'd been there for him when he'd decided not to get married, and there had been a lot of traces of the old Buffy, the Buffy that would have done anything for her friends, the Buffy that had needed them in her life. And now she was tapping the table and looking thoughtful and seemed to be trying to figure out how to tell him something. She'd assured him that it wasn't an end of the world situation so he decided to wait and see what she had to say.
"It's been a strange day," Buffy admitted as she ran a hand through her hair, wondering if she'd go bald if she kept repeating that action. She'd been doing it a lot today, more so since leaving the crypt and thinking about what she'd seen.
"What did you want to talk to Xander about?" Anya asked bluntly, deciding that it was better to find out now. If it was something stupid and unimportant, they could eat lunch without listening to Buffy sigh and without watching her pull her hair out. If it was important, it would give them more time to discuss it plus they could eat lunch without listening to Buffy sigh.
"Anya, give her some time," Xander suggested, having to smile at the woman he'd nearly lost and thanking everyone he could think of that she'd given him a second chance. He'd messed up, but he honestly didn't regret not getting married. Neither of them was ready and they both realized that now. They were taking things slow, not wanting to repeat the same mistakes again.
"She had time after she placed the phone call to you and invited herself to eat lunch with us," Anya reminded sweetly, trying to keep the annoyance out of her voice for fear of making Xander's smile fade away and be replaced by a frown.
"Anya's right," Buffy said, laughing as they both looked at her in surprise, "Okay, so I don't often say that, but, this time, it happens to be true. I could have all the time in the world and I probably wouldn't know the right way to say what I need to say or to even understand what has happened today, anyway."
"What happened, Buffy?" Xander asked seriously, glad that the waitress was pretty busy and wouldn't be over to interrupt yet. He wanted to know what was causing Buffy to be so confused and why she had called him instead of Willow. He wasn't stupid. He knew that Buffy usually talked to the redhead about her problems and stuff, just like he did. So why was he sitting here now instead of Willow?
"It's Willow," Buffy finally said, shaking her head as she struggled to find the right words to say what needed to be said.
"What about Willow? Is she okay?" Xander was concerned, knowing that his best friend had had a recent brush with losing control of her life by letting magic take over. She'd been doing great as far as he could see, getting her life back and controlling her gift with ease after several days of rough going.
"She's fine," Buffy said, feeling guilty for causing the concern in Xander's voice, "I didn't mean that she was hurt or anything. In fact, she looked happier today than I've seen her in years."
"Happy is good, right?" Anya asked, her curiosity replaced by real interest when she heard that it concerned Willow. Surprisingly, she and Willow had become friends over the years, and the redhead was one of the few people that Anya really cared about.
"Can I get you something to drink?" the waitress asked before Buffy could respond to Anya's question.
They ordered drinks and went ahead and ordered their food so that they could avoid future interruptions. When the waitress left, Buffy answered, "Happy is great, it's just, I don't really know how to explain it. The reason she was happy is what's causing me so much mental concern."
"Buffy, what's the problem?" Xander asked before the slayer could drift into more sighing and thinking before she told them what was wrong with the idea that Willow was happy.
"Willow missed breakfast today," Buffy explained, "we were supposed to meet before her first class. You see, she got a call last night and went out and told me she was staying over with Tara, only I saw Tara at the campus with another girl and I knew then that Willow had lied and I didn't know why and then she missed class so I started thinking even more and all the pieces of the puzzle began to fit together and I realized something that shocked me and was a huge surprise and then it just got even more confusing."
"Buffy, take a breath," Xander suggested, not remembering ever hearing Buffy ramble like this.
"Xander, I don't really know how to say this," Buffy said with a sigh, not knowing how Xander was going to react to the news that his best friend was having a secret relationship with Spike, much less that she, herself, had had secret sex with the vampire and that it appeared that Willow loved the vampire.
Xander studied her silently for several seconds before he nodded slowly, letting out a deep breath as he asked, "You found out about Willow and Spike, didn't you?"
~Part: 15~
"What?" Buffy's eyes widened as she leaned back against the booth, staring at Xander as if she'd never seen him again.
"Willow and Spike," Xander repeated, knowing from her reaction that he was right.
"How did you…did she tell you?" Buffy finally asked when she realized that Xander knew, had obviously known for a while judging by his reaction.
"No, she didn't," Xander said. He blushed as he said, "I caught them in the cemetery one night when I was helping patrol after you died . They were, uh, busy and didn't see me so she has no idea that I know."
"And you never said anything?" Buffy couldn't believe that he'd known that long and never told her. Not only that, but he hadn't told Willow and had never mentioned it to Spike.
"It wasn't my secret to tell, Buffy," Xander shrugged, "I figured that there must be a reason that Willow didn't want me to know. I mean, you were dead and everything had changed and I was honestly so shocked that my Willow was doing that with Spike that I went home and tried to forget what I saw."
"That was last summer," Buffy was amazed that Xander had kept silent for so long. She'd just found out that morning and had called him to talk about it within hours. "I just found out today and I called you because I was confused and had no idea what to do or think."
"It's really none of your business what they're doing," Anya reminded. "Spike is single and Willow is single so they aren't really hurting anyone."
"But they are hurting someone," Buffy said, turning to look at Anya as she said, "You don't seem surprised. Did Xander tell you?"
"Please," Anya rolled her eyes, "I've known for years. Over a thousand years of watching people has given me some skill, slayer. I didn't know that Xander knew until now, though."
"You said years," Xander looked at Anya and asked, "I thought it might have been a release of tension, a one time thing that I just happened to catch. I started watching them, though, after that. I noticed a lot of things I never paid attention to before. I realized that it wasn't a one night thing, but I didn't know when or how it started."
"It started after Oz left," Buffy spoke up, glancing at Anya as she said, "Am I right? I spent hours thinking about it today and realized that it had to start after Oz but before Tara. Why did Willow get involved with Tara if she was already screwing Spike? That's what I just can't understand."
"It's been going on that long?" Xander sat back, thinking about everything. He, too, was confused about Tara, asking, "I don't get it, either. Why would Willow start dating Tara if she was sneaking off with Spike? I always assumed that it didn't start until after Glory did her mental scramble on Tara, and that that might have caused some problems between Willow and Tara that caused Willow to get involved with Blondie."
"You two are amusing," Anya had to say, shaking her head slowly as she said, "I don't know why she started having a relationship with Spike, though I figure it was for the many orgasms that he could give her and because they were both lost in a way. As for Tara, many orgasms do not necessarily mean loving arms holding you as you sleep or kisses on your face when you wake up. Tara loved Willow and Willow needed to be loved. Simple as that, really."
"Why did Spike start following Buffy around, then?" Xander asked, still not able to believe that Willow had been involved with Spike for so long, not knowing why she'd have kept it a secret for so long. Okay, so it might have started shortly after he'd been chipped and he'd been a sarcastic ass, which would have made it a bit more difficult to accept, but it was Willow. He loved Willow, had tolerated Wolf Boy and Tara because he thought both of them made her happy. Hell, he actually considered Spike a bit of a friend now and thought he was a step up from the other two people she'd shared her bed with, but his understanding of the affair completely changed when he heard that it had been going on for such a long time, making sense in a way as it confused him in another. Now he understood why Buffy had been acting so weird, understanding her confusion in a way.
"I think that he was upset about Tara," Buffy answered softly, "I've given it a lot of thought, as I mentioned, and I honestly think that he was pissed off at Willow for moving in with Tara and used the idea of loving me as a way to make her angry. When I came back, he'd changed. He didn't look at me the same way and I really don't know if he did actually start to care before I died or if he was just caught up in the act, but he never loved me. Xander, I had an affair with Spike. I wanted to be completely honest with you because you're one of my best friends, and it might explain why I'm even more wigged out about this entire relationship between Willow and Spike. I mean, I was having sex with him a couple of weeks ago and now I find out that my best friend in the entire world has been involved with him for years. I feel guilty for betraying her even though I had no idea, and I feel hurt that she never told me the truth."
"You and Spike?" Xander made a face as he felt a headache coming on.
"Is it over?" Anya asked, having had her suspicions about Buffy and Spike before, but never giving it that much thought because she'd been busy with wedding plans and then non-wedding plans and things had been too hectic to analyze things too much.
"I ended it officially last night, actually," Buffy said, "but it's really been over for a couple of weeks. Willow knew about it, knew that I'd been sleeping with him. We talked last night about everything and I felt better about it all. Then, he called her over and she said it was Tara and I really don't know if she's angry at me for having sex with him even though I didn't know about the two of them."
"Did he start it?" Xander asked.
"No, he didn't," Buffy admitted, "it just happened. I know that's not a good excuse, but it's the truth. I used him to feel alive and he used me to make Willow jealous, and neither one of us felt that good about it in the end. He was relieved when I ended it last night."
"You mentioned that someone was getting hurt by them being together," Anya remarked, remembering the slayer's words earlier. "What were you talking about?"
"They're hurting themselves," Buffy said sincerely, looking at Xander as she explained her reasoning, "I went to the crypt today before I called you, intending to confront Spike and find out if I was right, find out if they had been having a relationship as long as I suspected. When I got there, I found him in bed with Willow. She was so happy, Xan. She looked beautiful and relaxed and I can't even explain it. And Spike was the same. He looked happy and nervous and I listened to them talking and it was in his voice and in his eyes. I left without them realizing I was there, but I'd already seen enough. Together, they're happy and complete and it was so beautiful. They love each other, Xander, and, as corny as it might sound, I really think they belong together."
~Part: 16~
"Do you have to leave?"
Willow finished fastening her bra before she looked at Spike. She nodded slowly, wanting nothing more than to crawl back into bed and feel his arms around her, but it was time to go. It was late afternoon and she'd already missed school and a tentative breakfast with Buffy. Willow sighed before she said, "I promised Dawn that I'd pick her up after school today and we'd go for milk shakes. She gets out at 3:30, so it's time for me to go."
"I wish you'd stay," Spike said softly before he looked away. He knew he couldn't ask her to forget Dawn to stay in his bed. He could see in her eyes that she was reluctant to go, knew that she didn't really want to go have a milk shake with Niblet, and it wouldn't do her any good for him to sulk because she was keeping her promise. He got out of bed and slid on his jeans, asking, "Will I see you tonight?"
Willow ran a hand through her hair, wishing she knew what to do. She was usually the one with the answers, the one that knew and understood and had the ideas. With Spike, she was completely lost. She loved him. She couldn't deny that truth, couldn't ignore the depth of her feelings for him. What had started out as mutual attraction and great sex had developed into something so much more. She loved him and thought that he might feel the same way about her, but she was scared and had no idea what to say or do. She couldn't lose him, couldn't imagine her life without him, so she remained silent as she finished dressing. She couldn't tell him that she loved him, couldn't tell him that she wanted to be with him without having to keep it a secret, couldn't tell him how she felt or what she wanted. Instead, she said, "I'm sure you will. I mean, we've got patrol and I think Xander mentioned getting pizza for research."
"That's not what I meant, Red," Spike said as he glanced at her. He didn't even know if he'd go to the damn store anymore. It was getting more and more difficult to not touch her, to pretend that she meant nothing to him, to act as if he didn't care at all, to forget that he loved her.
"Yes, you'll see me tonight," Willow said softly, "I'll sneak out after Buffy and Dawn are asleep so I don't have to lie about where I'm going."
"Yeah, can't have them knowing you're with me," Spike muttered, angry at the idea of her sneaking around and lying about being with him even as he knew that it was the only way they could be together.
"Will you be at the store tonight? For patrol?" Willow asked quietly.
"Doubt it, luv. Bit messy with the slayer there and all," Spike shrugged, not wanting to deal with Buffy and the aftermath of their affair anymore than he wanted to be so close to Willow without being able to touch her.
"Yeah, I guess so," Willow said, hating the flash of jealousy that went through her as she remembered that he'd just ended a sexual fling with her best friend. She knew she was a hypocrite, knew she had no reason to be angry or jealous since she, herself, had been involved in a serious relationship for years while Spike's fling with Buffy had only consisted of sex over a few weeks, but she was jealous. She was also angry. Not at Buffy or even really at Spike because he'd only followed her example. No, she wasn't mad at them, she was angry with herself. She was mad that she hadn't been brave enough all those years ago to begin something real with Spike, mad that she'd run into Tara's arms when she felt herself starting to fall in love with Spike, mad that she'd hurt Tara because she was selfish and hadn't been able to love the woman the way she deserved, mad that she'd hurt Spike and herself for not admitting that she loved him and wanted more from the start. She sighed softly as she admitted, "I miss you when you're not there."
Spike was surprised at her words, but pleased. A small smile crossed his handsome face as he said, "I may drop by for a few minutes, just to check on things."
A smile crossed Willow's face as she looked at him, "That would be nice. I really need to go if I want to be at the school before Dawn gets out of class."
"Get going then, luv. Can't have Niblet waiting. She's an impatient little thing," Spike smiled as he moved closer to Willow. His hand moved to brush against her cheek before he leaned over and caught her lips in a gentle kiss.
Willow kissed Spike back, her hand moving to the back of his head as the kiss deepened. Reluctantly, they both pulled back. The pretty redhead moved her arms around her lover as she hugged him tightly, leaning up to whisper in his ear, "buttercup," before she brushed her lips against his neck. Finally, she let him go. She picked up her bag and was out of the room before he could see the unshed tears in her eyes. It was only after she had left the crypt and was in the sunlight that she let the tears fall. She knew that she loved Spike more than she had ever imagined being able to love anyone, knew that he made her feel things she'd never felt, knew that she felt complete when she was with him. She just didn't know why loving him had to hurt so much.
~Part: 17~
"And Mrs. Gray said that I had an interesting perspective concerning the Salem Witch Trials and that my essay was very informative," Dawn said, her eyes narrowing as she noticed that Willow was smiling and nodding but didn't appear to be listening to her at all. She smiled sweetly as she continued, "I then went out and stole a car and drove down to Mexico for lunch. When I was finished eating, I got a tattoo and my belly button pierced, then I bought a bottle of tequila and drank it down as I drove back to school."
"That's nice," Willow said as she continued to think about Spike and their relationship. She'd arrived at the school a few minutes before the bell, picking up Dawn and listening as the teen had immediately began to chatter about school and her friends. They'd gone to the diner and ordered and Dawn had kept talking and telling stories about her day at school. Eventually, Willow had turned her thoughts to Spike.
She was no closer to having any idea what to do about loving him and wanting to be with him without keeping it a secret and skulking around in the shadows to be with him. She was scared that she'd tell him she loved him and he'd either freak out and not feel the same way and she'd lose him or he'd laugh and not feel the same way and she'd lose him. Actually, pretty much every scenario she could come up with had him not feeling the same way and ended up with her losing him and being alone. While part of her thought he might love her, the insecure and frightened part seemed to have the loudest voice and that's the one she seemed to be listening to.
Dawn rolled her eyes at Willow's response, now having proof that the redhead wasn't listening to her at all. She'd been looking forward to their outing all week. She loved Willow, more than anyone except Buffy and just as much as she loved her sister. She enjoyed hanging out with Willow, thought of the redhead as a sister and friend. And she'd known that something was wrong as soon as she'd seen Willow leaning against the tree waiting for her after school. Willow had been crying. Sure, the tears were dry by the time Dawn joined her, but her eyes had been puffy and red. There had been tears and crying and Dawn had been worried that something was wrong. Willow had smiled and asked her how her day had been, though, acting as if nothing at all was wrong. Dawn had realized that whatever had caused the tears wasn't something that Willow wanted to talk about so she'd done her best to pretend she didn't notice. She'd started talking about school, causing Willow to laugh, and just kept talking because Willow seemed happier listening.
After their milk shakes had arrived, Dawn had realized that Willow didn't seem to be listening anymore. Dawn wished she knew what had caused Willow to cry because she'd have done her best to help fix whatever it was or at least tried to help if she could, but Willow hadn't said anything at all to give her an idea what it might have been. She knew that the redhead had been having a tough time lately, with all the magic stuff and Tara leaving and all that, so there was a chance that Willow had just had a good old-fashioned cry. But, most of that stuff happened weeks and weeks ago. Besides that, Willow had done fantastic with getting the magic control back and hadn't seem to really mind Tara leaving so Dawn didn't think any of that would cause tears during the middle of the afternoon. The most logical reason that Willow was crying wasn't something Dawn could talk about because she wasn't supposed to know.
"Wait, did you say you drove to Mexico?" Willow interrupted Dawn's thoughts as she realized what Dawn had said. She looked at the teen and arched a brow, "You don't have a driver's license, young lady."
"Okay, you're dwelling on that part and not the stealing the car or getting a tattoo or drinking alcohol?" Dawn asked with a smile.
"Oh, well, I would have gotten to those," Willow smiled sheepishly, "Fine, you caught me. I'm sorry, Dawny. I really was listening to you, I just got lost in thought there for a while."
"I forgive you," Dawn laughed, before she asked seriously, "is everything okay, Willow?"
"Better than it has been for a while," Willow replied honestly as she gave the teen a small smile.
"I'm glad," Dawn said, knowing that Willow was telling the truth. She decided to move on to a story about the idiot that had started a food fight during lunch because it would probably make Willow laugh and forget what had upset her earlier. Dawn had just finished the story about the food fight when she noticed Buffy and Anya walking towards them. She smiled as she greeted her sister, "Hey Buffy. What are you guys doing here?"
"Hi Dawn, Willow," Buffy smiled at the redhead before looking back at Dawn, "Dawn, Anya needs some help unloading a shipment. Would you mind going to the store and helping her?"
Dawn studied Buffy for a minute before slowing nodding her head. She didn't know what was happening, but she knew that her sister wanted her to go with Anya. Normally she'd be bratty and deliberately make it a problem, but Buffy seemed different, in a good way, and she thought that it would do Willow good to talk to someone and she knew that she was still too young for the redhead to share everything with her so Buffy was a good choice. She smiled at Willow and said, "I'm going to go help Anya. Thanks for the milk shake and the conversation. I really enjoyed it."
"Yeah, it was fun," Willow said with a smile before looking back at Anya and Buffy as she tried to figure out what was happening.
Dawn hugged Buffy and whispered, "She'd been crying when she picked me up from school so be nice," before pulling back and saying, "See ya later, Sis."
"Hi Willow. Bye Willow. I'll see you at the store later. Dawn, thank you for helping with the boxes," Anya said as she and the teen headed toward the exit, leaving Buffy alone with Willow.
Buffy slid into the booth that Dawn had just left and looked at Willow. She sighed, giving her best friend a soft smile as she said, "Willow, we need to talk."
~Part: 18~
She'd been crying when she left. She hadn't looked at him, but he'd been able to smell the salty scent of tears as she'd walked away. Spike had taken a couple of steps in her direction, ready to hold her and ask why she was crying, but she'd been out the door and into the sunlight before he'd reached her. So, he was left alone in the crypt, not having any idea why she was crying but feeling as if somehow must be his fault and hating that he couldn't run after her and put his arms around her and just tell her how much he loved her. Instead, he kept himself busy.
He made the bed and straightened the crypt, though the latter didn't take nearly long enough. Once there was nothing left to move or fiddle with, he'd begun to pace, his mind on Willow and her tears and pretty much every thing that had happened to him since he'd arrived in Sunnydale nearly five years ago. His life now was nothing like he'd imagined it being back then. Hell, he'd come to the Hellmouth with the intention of saving Dru, killing Buffy, and making Angelus' life hell. He'd saved Dru, all right, just in time for that bastard to lose his soul and ruin all of Spike's plans. He'd had to play hero and help Buffy save the world, something that had cost him Drusilla but had done wonders in making Angelus' life hell, literally. That brought a bit of a smile to his face until he remembered that the brooding wanker hadn't stayed in hell nearly long enough.
Spike hated Sunnydale but he always seemed to end up coming back. When he'd wanted to win Drusilla back, he'd gotten into his car and driven, finding himself in Sunnydale before he ever even realized that was where he was headed. Why he'd had to go all the way to the Hellmouth to get a witch to perform a spell was something that must have made sense to him when he'd been drunk, but he'd just been confused about it all once he was sober. Either way, his actions had changed everything. He'd met Red. Oh, he'd seen her before, knew who she was, had heard Angelus talk about turning the shy little redhead. He'd watched her a few times, been intrigued by her innocence and her power, but his mind had been focused on Drusilla. He'd had the occasional dream about the redhead, blood and sex and screams that had left him hard and aching, but that was as far as it had gone.
Then he'd had to make the mistake of kidnapping her. He'd looked into her eyes and felt as if she could see traces of the man that he had once been, he'd been amazed at her compassion and her intelligence and how she'd been able to comfort him even as he was threatening to kill her stupid little friend. She'd smelled so good, the feel of her hands causing an awareness that he hadn't felt in longer than he could remember. He'd wanted to kiss her and shag her and never let her go. That's when he'd started to sober up, been frightened by his reaction to the innocent girl that called the slayer her best friend, and had reminded himself that he loved Drusilla and that his sire was the only one he should be having such thoughts about. He'd left her at the warehouse, gone back to Brazil and his sire, but the redhead had never quite left his mind this time.
Eventually, he'd realized that Drusilla was no longer making him happy, that he wasn't giving her what she seemed to need, and that it would be better if they just went their separate ways. He'd left South America and again ended up in Sunnydale. He'd been after the gem of Amara, having heard the stories about it and deciding that he was the man to find it. Another plan gone to hell. He'd had the entire fiasco with that damn ring, knowing that he could have left LA and gone anywhere but he'd again come back to Sunnydale. It hadn't been long before the initiative got him and gave him the implant.
He'd escaped, though, and ended up in Red's room. She'd looked even better than he remembered and she still smelled so good. He'd decided that he wasn't going to make the same mistake twice, that he'd shag her this time and turn her and keep her with him for several eternities. As he'd made his offer, he'd looked into her eyes and seen her answer, seen the same flash of awareness, recognized the desire and confusion and need. That's when the pain struck and he'd ended up being consoled by her, fucking implant had ruined everything.
He'd waited a few days before he let himself get 'caught' by Buffy and the others. He'd not been able to get Willow out of his head, had needed to see her again, needed to be with her. He'd listened and watched, flirted with her every chance he got when they were alone, eventually been released by the watcher when it was determined that he wasn't a threat. He'd hung around, taking money for helping them, using every chance he got to be around her. She'd been strong, refusing to give in to the desire that he knew she felt, resisting his flirting and his seductive offers for pleasure until she hadn't been able to resist any longer. He could still remember their first night together, his eyes darkening as he remembered the taste of her lips and the feel of her hands as she'd undressed him. It had been rough and wild as they had finally lost control and given in to the need and lust.
~Part: 19~
That had been the beginning of their relationship. They'd decided to use buttercup as a safe word when he'd been fulfilling one of her fantasies, but it had developed into something much more meaningful. It had become their code word, the only he needed to say when he called her to let her know that he needed her, the only thing she had to whisper to him to let him know that she wanted him, the only way that he could tell her he loved her without losing her. It had been going great, in his opinion. The sex was phenomenal and their relationship had been slowly moving beyond that.
Then she'd run out and met that Tara bitch and it had changed everything. He'd had to share her, had to sit back while she played house with someone else, had to watch them being all lovey dovey at research sessions. He'd decided that he could love someone else if she could and that had started the entire disaster that had been his crush on the slayer. It had received the reaction he had hoped from Willow, he'd seen her jealousy and knew that she was starting to understand what it felt like to watch someone you love being with someone else, but it hadn't done anything really except make them both even more miserable when they were apart.
By the time Buffy had died and been brought back, he'd moved past the games and had been ready to force Willow into making a choice between him and Tara. He never got the chance. Willow did her powerful spell and didn't tell him about it, never said a word about risking her life to bring back Buffy. He'd been so angry when he'd found out, not wanting to have anything to do with her. She hadn't trusted him, hadn't wanted him to be there for her during all that, hadn't been honest with him. He'd tried to stay away, but he couldn't. By that time, he'd had to admit that he loved her, that he could forgive her because she'd forgiven him for far worse deeds. Their relationship had continued, and he'd been delighted to notice that Tara was starting to pull away. It had started after Glory had gotten to her, but it was becoming much more clear that the blonde witch wanted out. Then Buffy had approached him and they'd fought and then they'd fucked. She needed him and, in some strange way, he'd needed her. When he'd told Willow about it, she'd accepted it but he'd been able to see that she wasn't okay with it. It hadn't been long before Tara finally left.
Spike knew he should have felt guilty for deliberately hurting Willow by sleeping with Buffy, for using the affair as a way to get her as emotionally screwed up as he'd been since she'd gotten involved with Tara, for pushing her until Tara could no longer pretend that everything was swell and that Willow really did love her even if the redhead was sleeping with him. He should feel guilty, but he didn't. He wanted Willow, wanted her to love him, wanted them to stop hiding in the shadows, wanted to be able to kiss her and touch her whenever he wanted. He was in love with her, but he was also a demon, and demons didn't really feel guilt that often. He'd been so caught up in trying to hurt her the way she'd hurt him by being with Tara, that he hadn't seen what was really happening. He hadn't meant to push her into darker magics as a way to feel some kind of control. She'd needed him and he'd been so busy playing games that he'd almost lost her.
The thing with Buffy had stopped. He'd been disgusted with himself, felt like the worst kind of bastard for letting himself be used for sex and for using Buffy to make Willow jealous. It had been a relief when the slayer had officially broken it off, though he'd made the expected comments of a dumped lover even as he was trying to figure out if Willow could ever love him and want to be with him publicly. Their relationship had stopped being about just sex years ago and he'd loved her for just as long, but could she love him the same way? Could she be with her friends and be honest with them about her feelings for Spike? He'd sat there lost in thought after Buffy had left, finally deciding that it was time for all the games to stop.
She'd stayed with him today, missed school to remain in his arms and in his bed. She'd looked at him with love in her eyes as she'd whispered buttercup before kissing him tenderly. They'd laid together and he'd told her his thoughts about getting a house where she would be comfortable and she'd snuggled closer and he had to believe that she felt the same way about him that he felt about her. He hadn't wanted her to leave before they had a chance to have a serious talk, before they discussed what was really happening and how it had all changed since that first kiss all those years ago.
She'd promised Dawn, though, so he'd let her go. But, she'd been crying and he didn't know why and it was making him crazy not knowing why she'd been upset. He thought it had all gone so well. Tara was out of the picture, his fling with Buffy was finished, he wanted to get them a house to begin their life together since there was nothing to interfere with them finally being together so he couldn't understand why she had been sad. He growled as he kicked his chair before continuing to pace.
A few minutes went by and Spike stopped pacing. His eyes narrowed as he looked towards his door, sniffing the air slightly. A frown crossed his face as he recognized the scent. In five steps, he was at his door. Opening it, he saw Xander standing there with a startled look on his face. Spike wasn't in the mood for company, especially not the moron, so he snarled, "What do you want?"
Xander had been surprised when the door had opened before he'd had a chance to knock. He'd been standing at Spike's door for a few minutes, trying to work up the nerve to knock, not really sure what he was going to say or why he was even there, so he wasn't expecting to be faced with Spike, who was obviously not in the best of moods. Taking a deep breath, Xander counted to ten as he let it out slowly, gathering his courage as he reminded himself why he had left work early and why he was now getting ready to have a little chat with his not so good friend Spike. He looked at the blond vampire and simply said, "Spike, we need to talk."
~Part: 20~
"We need to talk?" Willow repeated as Buffy sat in the booth opposite her.
"How are you, Willow?" Buffy asked after she made herself comfortable. This wasn't going to be as easy as she had hoped. During her lunch with Anya and Xander, she had decided that it would be a good idea to sit down with her best friend and talk about everything. She thought that Willow might be more likely to admit her feelings for Spike if she knew that her friends supported her choice. Okay, so Xander hadn't believed her when she'd told them that she thought Spike loved Willow, but he'd at least agreed that he could accept a relationship between the witch and the vampire as long as Willow was happy.
Buffy had gone back to the store with Anya after they had taken Xander back to work, wanting some time to just think. A part of her knew that it wasn't any of her business what was going on between Willow and Spike. Heck, she had just ended a brief sexual fling with Spike that had happened during his relationship with Willow. That, in itself, still made her feel a bit guilty and a bit weird. She could have kept her mouth shut and just acted like she didn't know that Spike and Willow were involved. That's what a lot of people probably would have done in the same situation. It was what Xander had chosen to do when he'd caught Willow and Spike together. He'd chosen to ignore what he had seen because he believed that Willow had her reasons for keeping things a secret. Buffy couldn't blame him for his decision at all. She, too, believed that there must have been reasons her best friend felt a need to keep the relationship with Spike a secret.
If it had started when she and Anya suspected, shortly after Spike had escaped the Initiative, well, none of them would have handled it well. She knew that she wouldn't have been happy about it at all. Spike had been the enemy, plain and simple. She would have freaked out if she'd known her best friend was sleeping with the vampire. Had she known about it, she probably would have forced Willow into choosing between her friends and her lover. Willow hadn't wanted to make that choice so she'd kept a secret. Buffy still wasn't sure where and how Tara fit into everything, but Anya might have been right. Maybe the thing with Spike was just sex, in the beginning, and Willow had wanted to be loved and that's where Tara came into it. Buffy knew that Willow had cared about Tara, had no doubts that their relationship had been real and that it had meant a lot to her best friend. Looking back, though, she also believed that Willow had never really loved Tara. She'd loved her, like a friend and a companion and a lover, but the redhead had never really been in love with the witch. When Tara had left, Willow had seemed more relieved than upset.
Buffy could look back now, knowing what she knew, and see everything so clearly. She couldn't believe she'd never realized what was happening all along. Sure, she was a bit selfish, being an only child until just recently and being the slayer, well, she had developed a bit of a 'me, me, me' attitude over the years. She did often see things in relation to how they affected her and what they meant to her instead of seeing the whole picture. But, she'd been getting better about that before she had died. Following her mother's death, she'd been forced into letting go of the selfishness in order to take care of Dawn, in order to keep her friends alive and safe. She'd finally grown up, become the mature, well semi-mature, adult that was now sitting opposite Willow.
She was relieved that she had found out now instead of two years ago. So much had happened during that time that she was able to handle this situation much easier. She had gotten to know Spike, had been involved with him, had trusted him to take care of her sister and her friends when she'd died. She had seen his eyes, knew that he loved Willow in the way the redhead deserved to be loved. And Willow? She loved Willow so much, owed her life to the redhead. Not only for bringing her back recently, but so many other times when she'd felt like just giving up and her best friend had given her that extra strength she'd needed. Willow was the bravest person she knew, the strongest, the most deserving of happiness. It was for Willow that Buffy was now sitting here ready to have this talk. She could have ignored what she had seen, could have let Willow and Spike continue to carry on their affair in secret, could have watched them hurt themselves by not being together in the way that they both seemed to want to be, but she couldn't. Now that she knew, well, there would be no more secrets.
Willow was her best friend and deserved to have someone to hold her and love her. After everything he'd been through with Drusilla not to mention the way she, herself, had used him, Spike deserved to be loved by Willow. Buffy was aware that it would be a bit awkward to talk about this with Willow considering her own previous fling with Spike, but she could deal with the awkwardness if she was helping Willow. Buffy honestly didn't even know if this talk would matter, if it would help or end up just upsetting Willow, but she had to try. She had thought about everything at the store earlier, trying to figure out exactly what to say and how to help Willow understand that her friends loved her and just wanted to see her smiling and happy, but now all the words had left her mind. Once she'd looked into Willow's eyes, she'd forgotten everything she'd planned to say.
Willow had been crying and looked so sad and all Buffy wanted to do was hug her best friend and whisper that everything would be okay. She shook her head slightly, pulling herself from her thoughts as she gave Willow her attention. She wished she was better with words, wished that she knew what to say to make Willow relax and be honest and to just make it all better, but she had no idea the right thing to say. She was good at quips and sarcasm, but she had never been exceptionally great with serious talks. She had her moments, though, and she was hoping that this might be one of them. But, since she was still not sure what to say, she was now just hoping that she didn't say anything that upset Willow. Buffy felt Willow's eyes on her, giving the redhead a smile as she realized that she hadn't been listening because she'd been thinking. She'd thought enough today, she decided. It was now time to be Willow's best friend, to talk and to listen and to do her best to help make Willow happy.