ULTERIOR MOTIVES (5/?)
 

Willow had to smile as she watched Xander and Anya, envying them a bit for
the obvious affection that existed between them. If you had asked her a year
before, she'd have sworn that those two never would have lasted. Hell, if
you'd even asked her six months before, she'd have said it was just sex
between them. The last few months, though, she had to admit that they were in
love. She was thrilled for them both, wanting nothing more than for Xander to
find the happiness he so deserved. When she had finally given in and gotten
to know Anya, she had found a friend of sorts. A tentative friendship that
grew with each passing day. Since Tara had become so preoccupied lately,
Willow had been spending more time at the magic shop, just helping out to
kill time. It wasn't like Tara had even noticed her absence.
 

She and her lover had barely spoken the past week. Willow honestly couldn't
remember their last conversation that had consisted of more than small talk.
They were growing steadily apart and she was helpless. She couldn't do
anything except sit and wait for the inevitable. She felt so powerless and
hated not being able to do anything. She had tried, though. Boy had she
tried. For the past couple of weeks she had done nothing except try. She was
tired of it being a once sided relationship though. She couldn't keep them
together, not when it appeared that Tara had other ideas.
 

Willow had tried several times to talk to Tara, to try to get something
resolved. Every time her lover just looked at her with a wide eyed stare as
if she wasn't hearing what Willow was saying. She'd just smile and tell
Willow that she was fine just busy then she'd go back into her own little
world. And that was on the rare occasions that she had gotten in before
Willow was getting up for school. She knew that Tara hadn't been to most of
her early morning classes in days, and wasn't sure about the afternoon
classes. Willow still had no idea what Tara was involved in, but she didn't
know of any thing else she could do to find out answers. Anya seemed to
believe she was wasting her time with Tara, but Willow still held on to the
slightest hope that this was just a phase, just a normal part of any
relationship. She knew it was wishful thinking though. Knowing it and
accepting it were two entirely different things.
 

"Where's the watcher?"
 

Willow brought herself out of her thoughts, looking at the blond vampire
standing in front of her. She realized that she had not heard the door chime,
cursing herself for being so wrapped up in her own head. She was just lucky
that it had just been Spike and not some evil demon. "I'm not sure."
 

Spike frowned, seeing the sad look in her green eyes. "You're here alone?"
 

"It's kind of slow today," Willow said with a sigh. "Anya had plans with
Xander and Giles had plans of some sort. I didn't realize he was gone,
honestly. He probably went to pick up something for dinner. I distantly
remember hearing something about chinese food, now that I think about it."
 

"Bloody hell," he cursed. "I could have been anyone, pet. You'd be dead right
now."
 

"You weren't anyone," she said patiently, not understanding his concern. "You
were just Spike."
 

"The harmless, chipped laughingstock," he said bitterly.
 

"You aren't harmless and I would never laugh at you," Willow said softly.
 

"You wouldn't, would you?" he said, trying to keep his tone even while
knowing without a doubt that she spoke the truth. Even with the chip, he
could always sense just the slightest scent of fear from his little redhead.
He knew that she wasn't scared of him, her eyes always held such courage when
looking into his. He thought she was more scared of what he made her feel,
made her want, made her realize about her true nature. That was a fear he
enjoyed causing, if all truth be known. He added gruffly, "Where's your
shadow?"
 

"Who knows?" Willow said, looking away from Spike's blue eyes. She knew he
couldn't care less and was only asking to either try to make her upset or
because he had no idea what else to discuss as he waited for Giles. She
suddenly asked, "Why are you looking for Giles?"
 

Spike shrugged, not wanting her to know that he had only used that as an
excuse when he had passed by and seen her looking so sad. "Heard about some
new demon, thought he might be interested enough for the information that
he'd give me some money. I need my fags."
 

"It's tough, isn't it?" she asked softly, hearing the tone in his voice as he
spoke. "Having to ask former enemies for help..."
 

"Not much choice," he said with a snarl, hating her for always looking past
his image and seeing things she had no business seeing. Nosy little chit.
"Besides, I don't ask them for nothing."
 

"No, you don't," she acknowledged, knowing that he hadn't asked for help
since that first night he had stumbled into Giles' apartment. Since then, he
had traded for money or cigarettes or blood, information and hard labor for
the things he needed to survive. She had to admire his will to survive, his
strength even when implanted.
 

"Tell the watcher that I'll be around if he's interested," Spike said,
studying her closely and seeing the same melancholy look in her eyes. He
stiffened at the strange emotions her sadness brought out in him and his
demon, each wanting to make her happy for some silly reason. He growled,
angry at himself for caring.
 

"I will," she said, jumping slightly at his growl.
 

"And lock this damn door behind me," he barked out, "anyone could come in
here and kill you when you're lost in that mind of yours."
 

"Nice to know you care," she muttered, a bit angry at his arrogant tone as he
implied that she couldn't take care of herself.
 

"Lock it," he said in response, taking one last look at her before slamming
the glass door. He headed across the street, finding a nice place in the
shadows as he lit a Marlboro, knowing he wouldn't go anywhere until the
watcher came back and his Red was no longer alone. He found himself wondering
what had made her so sad, a slight smile crossing his handsome face as he thought
about her.

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