Parts: 11 - 20
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~Part: 11~ One of These Days.
"So can we leave now, Red? I'm sure the poof has to get back to his whining and brooding, so why don't we head back to good ole' Sunnyhell?" She frowned.
"I don't know. Angel asked me to stay for a little while, and I'm not ready to go back just to be ignored. Can.can't we just stay here? Only for a couple days." she pleaded at his horrified look.
Spike had no desire to spend any time with his annoying grandsire, but Willow obviously wanted, no, needed this time away. If he was going to prove to her that he was *the* one for her, he had to be supportive. Even if she wanted to stay with that obnoxious git. He sighed and nodded. She smiled widely and gave him and impromptu hug.
"Thanks Spike," she whispered in his ear before pulling away and clasping his hand in hers. She led him to the elevator, never noticing Angel silently descending the back staircase.
The blonde allowed her to lead him into Angel's small living room. Angel made his way to the couple from the kitchen.
"So, ducks, where are we sleeping?" Angel glowered.
"Willow is staying in my room, *you* are staying out here, on the couch. With me," he added with a sadistic grin. Spike looked ready to beat his grandsire into a bloody pulp when the redhead intervened.
"Angel, if you don't mind, I kinda wanted to speak to Spike a little more. Would you mind if we used your room?" He didn't look happy, but the soulful vampire agreed. He watched them leave and shut the door behind them. Sighing, he pulled out the sofa bed and tried to make himself comfortable.
~~~*~~~
Willow sat on Angel's bed and Spike plopped down next to her.
"I know I said we were cool. And I mean that," she added sincerely, "but you said something that got me wondering. But.if you didn't want her, what could she have done to make you so insecure that you would do something you really didn't want?"
He thought for a moment before answering.
"Dru has this ability to see my weaknesses, even better than I do. I still don't know why she came back. She made it clear last time that I wasn't enough for her. Truth is I never was. Angelus had her so messed up. He is the only one she will truly be satisfied with. Even Angel won't be enough for her. But what brought her back to Sunnydale, I don't know." He smiled sheepishly when he realized he still had yet to really answer her question.
"She was waiting for me in my crypt. I didn't want her there, or anywhere near me. But she started telling me things, things I didn't want to believe. She has always been able to hurt me, and she knew exactly what to say. So, in a moment of vulnerability, I believed her. She offered to take the pain away, and I fell for it. It's something I'll always regret. She means nothing to me, not anymore."
"What did she say that hurt you so badly? I mean, you're Spike.the Big Bad. You're not weak." He grinned at her praise.
"Well, while all that *is* true, there are secrets I have, some that are painful to think about. And those, my dear, are secrets I cannot share. Not yet, anyways."
She nodded understandingly, and let the topic slide. She tried to stifle a yawn but he saw and smiled warmly.
"Come on, pet. Let's put you to bed. You have to be right knackered out." He pulled her up and she left to change into her nightclothes. He threw his duster onto a nearby chair and sat to take off his boots.
When she came back out, she crawled into Angel's large bed, slipping under the covers, trying to get comfortable. Spike sat next to her, propped up against the headboard, with just his black t-shirt and jeans on. He pulled her in his arms and she shifted so she could rest comfortably in his embrace. When she finally stopped moving, with her head on his chest, her body tucked under his shoulder, he reached over and turned off the light on the nightstand.
He placed a soft kiss in her hair and rested his chin on her head. She sighed contently and fell into a deep sleep.
~~~*~~~
Angel awoke a little before dawn. Feeling hungry, he ambled into the kitchen and warmed some blood for himself. After he poured it into a mug, he walked to his bedroom. He twisted the doorknob, relieved when it didn't make a sound.
He stared at the sight before him. Willow lying comfortably in Spike's arms. The blonde moved slightly, looking Angel in the eye. The elder vampire was surprised to see the genuine affection that his boy had for his friend. Spike acknowledged his grandsire's presence with a nod of his head and Angel, knowing his friend was alright, left them alone.
~~~*~~~
Willow was still asleep an hour later. Spike was beginning to feel hungry, and although he was hesitant to leave the redhead's side, he knew he had to feed. He slipped out of bed and adjusted the covers so she would still be warm and went into the kitchen.
"You really care for her." mused Angel, who sat at his kitchen table. He watched the blonde intently.
Spike stared at the brunette, debating whether or not to answer him. Finally he decided to be truthful.
"Yeah, I do." He then ignored his presence as he proceeded to warm himself some blood.
"I didn't believe it, but." he trailed off. "Don't hurt her Spike. If you do, what I did to you when I was Angelus will seem like child's play. Understood?" he growled.
"Don't get your knickers in a twist, sire. I'm not gonna hurt the girl."
"I mean it, Spike."
"I know, Angelus," he assured him, with an earnest look. Angel nodded and went back to reading the paper. Spike finished his breakfast and washed the mug out in the sink and left the room.
Spike walked back into the bedroom, smiling when he saw Willow was still asleep. He hadn't slept much in the past few hours, instead preferring to stay awake and watch her. Besides, vampires weren't very big on sleeping through the night. He took off his shirt, tossing it away from him to join his duster and added his jeans to the growing pile.
He climbed into the bed, closing his eyes and delighted in the warmth that surrounded him as the redhead curled her body around his.
~~~*~~~
Angel walked into his office, surprised to see Cordelia there so early. Doyle lounged in his desk chair, absently rubbing his head.
"Vision?" he questioned, causing the half-demon to look up at him. The Irishman shook his head.
"Nah. Hangover." he mumbled before letting his head fall onto his desk. Angel smiled at his actions and turned to face an anxious Cordelia.
"Angel, why is there a black Desoto in front?" she asked nervously. She swore she knew that car.
"Oh," he replied nonchalantly, "that's just Spike."
"Spike!!" she screeched, Doyle's head flew up at the racket.
"Relax, Cordy. Trust me, Spike's no danger."
"And why, may I ask, is bleach-boy *not* a threat?!" Angel grinned.
"Cause my boy's in love."
~Part: 12~ I Want You To Want Me…
Cordelia was still uneasy that Spike was anywhere near the building, let alone just downstairs. She knew Angel wouldn’t lie to them, and wouldn’t let Spike hurt them but it was still unnerving. He had explained about Spike’s...‘performance’ problems, so he couldn’t touch them, but she couldn’t help remembering her last run in with the blonde, which involved the torture and maiming of her boss.
She sat at her desk, waiting for their redheaded guest to join them upstairs. It was so nice having another girl to talk to again, talking to Doyle and Angel tried, but they just couldn’t relate to some of her problems. The tapping of her pencil was the only sound in the office. Angel was looking over case files in his office and Doyle was unceremoniously passed out on the couch. She sighed and glanced at the clock, only two minutes since she last checked. This was going to a long day.
Willow woke slowly, taking time to remember where she was. This was the second night she had spent at Angel’s; and the first where she woke beside a cold body. She shook her head and waited for her eyes to focus in the dark. She smiled at the sight of Spike asleep, mouth open, but no breath falling from his lips.
She stretched as she stood, shuffling her feet as she walked toward the bathroom. She took a quick, hot shower and didn’t blow dry her hair. She didn’t want to wake Spike. She pulled her hair into a ponytail and dressed silently, wearing a pair of jeans and a blue peasant shirt.
Sneaking toward the bed, she observed him. He managed to look absolutely gorgeous with his hair tousled, a scowl not covering his face. She bent down, placing a whisper of a kiss on his cheek, mumbling in his ear.
“I really did miss you, Spike…” With that said she turned on her heel and left to search the kitchen for something edible.
Spike smiled widely, without opening his eyes. The witch thought he was asleep, but he was awake ever since she left his side. So she missed him; that was good. He wasn’t going anywhere.
“Hey Cordy,” the redhead greeted her bored companion.
“Hey Wills,” she waited for the witch to say more and when she didn’t she got straight to the point.
“So, you gonna tell me why the evil undead is paying you a visit here in sunny Hell-A?”
“Um, no?” she tried but the former cheerleader would not be put off so easily.
“Come on, Rosenberg. You know you wanna share. Tell Cordelia…” she persuaded.
“There was some unfinished business I had with Spike. We resolved everything last night, that’s why he’s here.”
“So where is attractive and homicidal?” she smiled at Cordy’s question.
“Asleep. Dead to the world,” she added with a giggle. “Just like our good friend Doyle, apparently.” They both turned to gaze upon the sleeping seer, drool slowly making its way down his chin.
“I wish I had a camera,” Willow lamented, “that’s too cute.” Cordy snorted.
“More like gross, but to each his own,” she replied with a shrug. They heard a door open from across the room and they smiled at the dark vampire.
“Hey Angel!” Willow greeted him. He smiled, one of those rare, genuine smiles.
“Willow, Cordelia. Glad to see you joining the land of the living, Wills.” At Cordy’s arched eyebrow, he amended, “Well, the mostly living,” he gave a sheepish smile. The phone began to ring, but no one made a move to answer it, the sound causing Doyle to wake from his alcohol induced slumber. He merely muttered something incoherent and turned over, falling back asleep.
Angel sighed and stared at Cordelia, who looked completely clueless.
“OH!” she shouted, finally understanding what her boss was waiting for. She grabbed the phone, “Angel Investigations, we help the hopeless!” she answered cheerily. She listened for a moment before turning to Willow, her hand covering the receiver.
“It’s Giles. He wants to talk to you really quick.” She nodded and took the phone.
“Yeah, Giles?” She listened and groaned as she heard what he had to say. “Can it wait until tonight? Spike will drive us back, but he can’t go out. All sunny.” Giles continued to speak, eventually she said her goodbyes.
“What was that about?” asked Angel. She rolled her eyes.
“Buffy wants Spike’s help on patrol tonight. Apparently demonic activity is peaking for some reason right now. I swear, she’s the slayer, I don’t know why she *has* to have his help. What ever happened to the ‘chosen *one*’?” she ranted, unhappy that she had to leave already. Angel grinned softly.
“Well, I’m sure Spike’s as excited as you are.”
“Yeah, but he wants to leave…”
“I’m sure he’d rather be anywhere Buffy isn’t.” She nodded in agreement.
“Looks like we’ll be out of your hair by sunset. I just want to thank you for everything, Angel.”
“No need, Wills. You should come back sometime, I might even let you bring blondie with you,” he added with a sly grin. Cordelia was sad, she finally had another girl here and she was leaving in a couple hours.
“I should probably break the ‘good’ news to Spike. This is just great, he’s gonna be unbearable during the ride home,” she said grimly.
“Don’t worry; I’m sure he’ll be on his best behavior.” She looked at him incredulously.
“Have you *met* Spike?” he laughed and escorted her to the elevator.
“Go on, Will. I’m sure he’ll take the news best if it was coming from you.” She shrugged and left them to wake Spike.
Cordelia eyed her boss. “What was that all about?” he gave her his best innocent look. “The whole, ‘he’ll take it best from you’ bit?” she elaborated.
“Oh come on, Cordy. You’re the queen of gossip. You’re telling me you don’t know?” She just stared at him. “Willow and Spike are in love.”
“Sorry, Angel. I’m just not seeing it. I know the girl dated a werewolf, but really, Spike? ‘Bottle in face’, Spike?” He smiled.
“Trust me, Delia. She may not say it, and he would deny it with his last breath, figuratively, but they do love each other. It’s very complicated, you don’t know the half of it, but I can see this making them both happy.”
“And you trust him with her?” He knew her concern was justified.
“Spike would do anything for the one he loves, he’d never hurt her. You think I’d let her anywhere near him if I thought he would hurt her? Even if he loses that chip, he’ll never touch her. It won’t be easy from either of them, but…it will work out. Besides, he knows he’s dust if he hurts her,” he said sincerely. She shrugged and sat back down.
“Whatever you say, Angel. Whatever you say…”
Willow opened the bedroom door silently. She looked to the bed but it was surprisingly empty. She glanced at the bathroom door, but no one was in there. Where could he be?
“Spike? Spi- AHH!” she screeched as she was grabbed from behind. She heard the rumble of his laughter as he held her tightly in his arms. He spun her and kissed her swiftly.
“Morning, Red,” he said with a playful grin. She giggled, but then became serious.
“I got good news and bad news…” He looked into her eyes and waited.
“Good news, we’re leaving L.A., no more Angel…” he smiled.
“Thank God! Bloody poof, couldn’t take much more of ‘im.” She smiled and bit her lip. He groaned and leaned down, biting it for her. “Come on, witch. Tell Spike the bad news…”
“Oh, yeah. We have to go to Sunnydale. Buffy needs you’re help.” She grinned at his growl. He released her and grabbed his clothes, heading to the shower, grumbling the entire way.
“If it’s not one thing, it’s the other. Get rid of the sodding poof, just to deal with the daft slayer. Annoying bint…” She laughed at his quiet rant and left him to clean up.
~Part: 13~ Who Makes You Feel…
Spike and Willow said their goodbyes to the Los Angeles crew, well, Willow did, Spike just stood there impatiently as she hugged his grandsire. They were on the road nearly once the sun had set. The drive would be a couple hours but they would make it back to Sunnydale in time for Buffy’s usual patrol. Knowing the slayer, she hadn’t even noticed her and Spike’s disappearance. Although that thought saddened her, she couldn’t feel bad right now. She actually became friends with Angel and Cordelia, Spike had told her he messed up with Drusilla, and he wouldn’t be going back to the psychotic vampire, things were better than they had been for awhile.
The girl shifted nervously in her seat as Spike speeded along the highway. He was in no hurry to get back to the slayer, but he had to admit he was thrilled to be away from Angel. Plus, he made up with the witch and he was looking forward to never leaving her side, with the exception of the patrol from hell. Just what he needed to ruin a promising week, spending time with the slayer.
Willow stared out the window through the chipped black paint covering the glass. Truthfully, she and Spike could have left for home earlier, but she wanted to stay with Angel just a little longer. She sighed and her eyes settled on her hands resting in her lap. A comforting hand on her shoulder caused her to look up at Spike.
“It’ll be okay, luv. It’s just you’re little pals.” She laughed.
“You have no idea, do you Spike? They probably don’t even know I left town. But if Buffy found out I went and stayed with Angel…well, Riley or not, she’d kill me. She’s still so in love with him. She would be so angry that I was with him and she had to stay home. Not to mention the fact that you were there too. If she didn’t want to stake you before, she would want to now.”
“Why’s that, pet?” She blushed and looked away.
“Well, this…thing, with us…” she babbled nervously. “I mean, if she knew…let’s just say you’d be dust and I would never hear the end of it. ‘Poor, dumb Willow, shacking up with the evil undead…’ You know, Buffy would probably tell me you were just using me to get to her,” she finished with a huff. She glanced at him but his face revealed none of his emotions.
“You…you aren’t, are you?” she whispered. Even with his vampire hearing he barely heard her sad question. Without a word, he turned the Desoto off the road and next to the curb. Once he parked it safely, he faced the redhead who was once again staring at her hands.
“Look at me,” he demanded, his voice slightly harsh from anger. Anger at the thought that she believed he would hurt her like that. He didn’t drag his arse all the way to L.A., stay with the poof, and tell her things he’d never share with anyone else, just to get to the slayer.
He took her face in his hands as she trembled a little at his tone.
“You are probably right about the bitch, but know this. I have not, nor will I *ever* use you to hurt her. She means nothing to me, she’s nothing but a temporary annoyance. You, though, you mean a lot to me. I wouldn’t usually tell you, considering it’s bad for my reputation and all. But don’t think, for one minute, that I have done anything with you in the hopes of pissing off your bloody friends. I wouldn’t waste my time.” He took a calming, unnecessary breath before speaking again.
“Are we clear?” She nodded at his incensed expression.
“Crystal,” she assured him in a small voice. He smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Releasing her from his grip, he once again faced the steering wheel and pulled into traffic.
Willow just remained in the passenger’s seat, shocked by the amount of emotion and sincerity on his voice. Wow.
The couple sat silently in Giles’ living room, awaiting the arrival of the rest of the Scoobies. Giles was busying himself with a demonology text and Spike and Willow were simply sitting, opposite each other. One on the couch, one on the reclining chair. This annoyed Spike a bit, considering Willow had pushed him away, telling him not to sit close to her. She didn’t want to make any of her friends suspicious. Although he knew her worries were legitimate, it frustrated him to no end.
Giles simply smiled at the put out look on Spike’s face when the witch attempted to ignore him when the gang arrived.
“Long time no see, Wills,” announced Xander when he spotted his elusive best friend once he and Anya walked through the door. “Where have ya been?”
“Oh,” she replied with a shrug, “Busy me, you know.” The boy smiled and sat next to her, Anya beside him, before glaring at Spike and saying a quick hello to the watcher.
“Good, you’re here,” said the slayer in a bored voice as she caught sight of Spike. “We need to get going. You ready for patrol?” He grunted his response as he pushed himself out of his chair.
“Yeah, yeah, let’s just get this over with, okay? Got better things to do than spend time with the likes of you…”
“Oh, Spikey, you know you’d miss me,” the slayer countered in a sugary tone.
“I think you’re mistaking me for the broody git moping in L.A.,” her triumphant grin faded at the mention of Angel. She pushed Spike out of the door, in no mood for banter. Willow shook her head sadly.
“Xander, Anya, there’s nothing to look up tonight,” informed Giles, happy to have the teens out of his home, “why don’t you go ahead and take the night off.” The brunette jumped up and let with a jaunty wave, Anya merely steps behind him. Willow stood slowly before reaching for her bag.
“Willow, may I speak with you for a moment?” She looked puzzled but agreed.
“What’s up?” He smiled warmly.
“So when are you going to tell your friends of your new relationship with Spike?” At her shocked look he laughed.
“H-How…how did you know?” she sputtered.
“I *am* a watcher, my dear. It’s my job to watch,” he reminded her.
“Oh, well. I haven’t thought about it. I’m not even sure how I would explain it, Giles. We aren’t a couple, or anything. But he’s been the only one there for me, other than you. He’s been surprisingly great. I know he wouldn’t hurt me, if that’s what you’re worried about…”
“Not at all. I will admit that he may not be the best choice for a boyfriend, or whatever, but I intend to spare you the speech about the danger of consorting with vampires. I’m sure you heard enough of that with Angel.”
“Yup, plus side, I don’t have to worry about him losing his soul. No soul to lose…”
“Uh, yes, well. I’m not sure that’s necessarily a good thing,” he mumbled. “I just want you to be careful. And I’ll always be here for you.” She smiled gratefully.
“Thanks, Giles. That means a lot to me. Um…can I go now?” He grinned.
“Of course, have a goodnight Willow.” She said goodbye and left for her house.
Giles returned to his seat, thinking about his protégé. He only hoped she knew what she was getting into.
~Part: 14~ Grey Blue Eyes…
Willow took her time getting home. Knowing Spike was busy patrolling with Buffy, she made a stop at the university library for her usual studying, which for some reason she hadn’t been doing lately. Checking her watch, it was a little past ten so she packed up and left into the night, making sure to have her standard stake in hand, of course.
She smiled when she saw the lights on in her house, knowing exactly who was there. Unlocking the door and walking in, she snuck a look at the blonde vampire that was staring at the blaring television.
“I don’t know why you just don’t move in, Spike…” she surmised, “You’re practically living here as it is.” He looked at her in shock, embarrassed that he didn’t hear her come in.
“Didn’t know that was an option, luv,” he answered with a noncommittal shrug. She moved to sit next to him on the couch, threading her arm through his.
“Well,” she explained sweetly, “you spend most of your time here lately, not that I mind. Plus, I figure this has to be a lot more comfortable than that dusty crypt. Besides, I wouldn’t mind having a houseguest. It’s pretty lonely in the dorms, but here I have some privacy. It would be nice to have a roommate who actually stays here, instead of running off to her shiny, brand new boyfriend,” she finished sadly.
He moved slightly to put his arm around her shoulder pulling her closer in a familiar comforting hold.
“I dunno, pet. Not that I would mind staying here permanently, but are you sure I wouldn’t become a pain in your cute lil’ arse?” he asked with a small chuckle. She turned to look up at him to convey her sincerity.
“Please, Spike. I would like nothing more than for you to move in here. You’d never be a pain in my ‘arse’, huh, never pictured myself saying that…” she thought out loud. He laughed genuinely.
“Thanks, Red. I’d love to stay with you. And no worries, *I* won’t be running off with a shiny, brand new boyfriend.” She giggled and snuggled closer to him as they became silent, content to sit together and watch T.V.
When the program was over, Willow broke the silence.
“So I figure we could go to your crypt tomorrow night, I’m kinda tired tonight. Then we can set up the guest room for you.” He raised a skeptical eyebrow.
“Since when have I been sleeping in the guest bedroom?” She blushed and stammered.
“Well…closet space! You need closet space. That is if you actually own more than one outfit…” she wondered.
“Hey now! I’ll have you know that I have a lot of clothes. They all just look the same,” he defended. “That would be downright disgusting now, pet. Totally unhygienic.”
“Oh yeah, and you vampires are known for your hygiene,” she mocked him.
“I’ll have you know, I’m a very clean demon…and why are we having this bloody conversation?” he muttered.
“Your room, we were talking about your own room,” she reminded him. “I…I just figured you’d want your own room. Some space for yourself. I didn’t think you’d want to stay with me all the time,” she shrugged.
“I guess I wouldn’t mind a place to myself, but I’ve found your bed quite comfortable. Not planning on leaving it anytime soon,” he informed her. She buried her red face in his duster as she rested her head on his chest. After a moment he felt her tense slightly and looked at her curiously.
“What is it, ducks?” she hesitantly glanced at him and sighed.
“It’s just…if…if you get sick of me, let me know, okay?” she replied softly.
“Sick of you? What’s all this about?” he asked, genuinely confused.
“Well, people around me tend to leave,” she answered with no real emotion, which worried him a bit. “Oz got tired of me, cheated and left. I lived with Buffy, and she left as soon as Riley came along. Heck, my own parents are never around, haven’t been for years. I’m used to it, but I don’t want you hanging around just to make me feel better. If you want to leave, just let me know. Please?”
He frowned but knew she was waiting for an answer. “Won’t get tired of you, Willow.” She bit her lip.
“Just, promise me. Please, Spike?” He continued to frown at her lack of self-esteem, but nodded his head to appease her.
“Thanks,” she said quietly before getting up and moving into the kitchen. “I’m gonna make some tea. Did you want anything?” she asked from the other room.
“Oh, some hot chocolate, with some of ‘em little bitty marshmallows?” he asked hopefully. She laughed at his request but began looking for the chocolate mix. At least Spike would keep things interesting.
The two had spent most of the night talking about the adjustments that would have to made to her home in preparation for his permanent stay. She needed to buy thicker curtains for most of the rooms, considering the sheer amount of windows she had. But other than that, not much needed to change. Spike, no doubt, would redecorate his room, she pictured lots of black and red, maybe she could convince him to add something other than ‘vampire’ colors eventually.
Before long, Willow was curled up on the couch, her head laying on the armrest as she slept lightly. Spike smiled as he stood, noting that the clock above her mantle said it was already two in the morning. She had school the next day; that is if he let her leave. It got lonely rather quickly in her house without her there to distract him. He leaned closer to her sleeping form and picked her up gently in his arms. She unconsciously moved closer to him, her head resting along his shoulder, her warm breath tickling his neck.
He took her to her room, laying her on her bed and pulling off her clothes and shoes so she could sleep comfortably. He undressed as well and kissed her on the forehead and went to turn on his side to rest. A small hand on his shoulder stopped him. He looked over his shoulder and smiled at the sleepy redhead.
“Get some sleep, pet,” he told her softly.
“Not tired…” she whined quietly and he chuckled.
“Is that so?” he teased, turning over to face her. He stroked her cheek gently with his hand and kissed her tenderly. “What can we do to fix that?”
“Hmmm…” she pretended to think as he shifted so she was laying beneath him. “I dunno, you have any ideas?”
“I got a few…” he said before kissing her once again, slowly exploring the depths of her mouth. She wrapped her legs around him as he moved into her at an excruciatingly slow pace. She sighed at the feel of him, knowing she would truly miss this when he eventually left her. Their pace quickened as she tightened around him and their breathing, both necessary and unnecessary, became frantic. Too soon, they came together with sounds of ecstasy.
Spike looked down at the flushed face of his lover. “So beautiful…” he murmured as he placed soft kisses against her eyelids and cheeks. Her smile echoed his statements silently, knowing he would whine if she actually called him beautiful. But looking into those grey-blue eyes, she simply lost herself in the feeling of being cherished.
~Part: 15~ What Its Like To Be Me…
Willow gazed sadly at her friends, laughing and talking in the living room of Giles’ apartment. Without her. She wasn’t surprised, wasn’t like this was any new phenomena. For whatever reason, as the months went by, their close-knit gang got used to life without her. She had to admit, it hurt. It was almost as if she was truly alone, with no one to turn to. She knew that wasn’t completely true, there was always Spike, but she couldn’t picture spilling her deepest, darkest secrets and most depressing feelings to the vampire. Then there was Angel and Cordelia, but she wasn’t particularly close to either one of them. She debated whether to even bother going inside, knowing they wouldn’t miss her, but she had to see, one last time, if they could really do without her.
She pushed the door open quietly and noticed the bleach blonde sitting in the corner looking as bored as ever. She had been stuck at school, catching up on her homework all day and most of the early evening, so he beat her there. She never offered the standard greeting, just silently took a seat at the empty dining room table, away from the group.
Spike knew instantly that something was wrong with the redhead. And he was pretty sure he knew what it was. Not one of her so-called friends had even noticed her appearance. She barely spared him a glance before sitting down. He just wished he knew how he could make her realize how great she was, how much she meant to him, and what her sodding friends thought didn’t matter.
Willow made no move to speak with them all, including Spike. She wasn’t angry with him, but right now, she was just too sad to make mindless conversation. An hour passed without anyone taking notice to the small girl at the table. Finally Buffy reluctantly stood, pulling Riley with her and yelled to her watcher, who had been in the back the entire time, that they were leaving for patrol.
Buffy smiled at her boyfriend and they turned to the front door. A surprised smile shown on the blonde’s face when she saw her friend sitting at the table.
“Hey Wills. When did you get in?” Xander shifted to look at Willow, with a sheepish gaze. He never heard her come in.
Before she could get a word out, the slayer and the commando were out the door. Willow sighed and looked to Xander.
“What’s up, Willster? How come you didn’t say hi?” he asked with a small grin.
“You seemed busy…” she replied quietly. Looking around one last time, she rose and grabbed her book bag. “I’m gonna call it a night, guys. I’ll talk to you sometime, Xand.” He nodded and returned his attention to Anya. Spike followed her with sad eyes as she gathered her things and slunk out the door. He stood to follow her, but the boy’s voice stopped him.
“Where do you think you’re going, Fangless?” he asked snidely.
“None of your business whelp…” he snarled as he slammed the door shut. Giles came out of the back as soon as he heard the loud noise.
“What’s going on?!” he questioned hurriedly. Xander shrugged.
“Nothing, G-man.” Giles rolled his eyes at the familiar, but hated nickname. Would that boy never learn?
Spike strode through the front door of the Rosenberg household, his eyes searching for the illusive redhead. He allowed a small smile when he saw her on the couch.
“Why are you here?” she asked out of the blue. His eyes widened at the strange question.
“Was under the impression that I lived here, luv…” he reminded her, afraid she had re-thought their arrangement.
“Not what I meant,” she clarified, “I’m sure you have something to do, so why are you here?”
“Um, what the hell are you yammering about, pet?” he asked confused.
“I don’t understand you,” she pondered, “None of my *friends* give a damn if I’m around, so why do you?” she continued to speak without giving him a chance to respond, “You don’t need to be here to make me feel better. Thanks for the concern, but I’m used to being on my own. If you want to patrol, or go out, feel free. Don’t worry about me, Spike. I’m a big girl, I can handle it.”
“They’ve done a real number on you, haven’t they?” he regarded in a whisper of a voice. She looked up at him, startled when he knelt in front of her, his hands gripping hers tightly. He looked like he was about to say something, but he stopped and thought for a moment. He looked into her eyes, a curious question on the tip of his tongue.
“What are we?” he asked and she glanced at him confusedly. He smiled gently and explained, “I seem to recall that we never really had one of those in depth conversations about the two of us. So, in your eyes, what are we? What am I to you?”
She hesitated when she spoke, “W-Well, I’m not sure. I-I mean…I don’t know. You’re…you. Spike. Vampire guy.” He chuckled at her lack of an answer. “You’re a friend, sort of,” she continued, frowning. Lost in thought, “It’s weird, you know. You’ve been great to me, even though I can’t figure out why. I…I care about you, a lot,” she admitted and his smile widened. “But, we aren’t an us? Are we? I mean, yeah we’ve hung out, in between all the, uh…shagging,” she finally spit out, embarrassment covering her face. “But really, isn’t that all there is to us? I wouldn’t change anything that’s happened, but there isn’t really more to this…arrangement,” she concluded dejectedly.
“Red, I want you to think about something, okay?” he asked with pleading eyes. She nodded and he squeezed her hand, “Why, demon that I am, would I go out of my way to see you smile when you’re down? Why does it kill me, figuratively,” he added with a frown, “to see you depressed? Trust me, pet, it isn’t because we have some bloody ‘arrangement’. You…you mean a lot to me too, ducks. A lot more than I thought possible,” he confessed, a slight trace of fear visible in his stance.
“You don’t have to say that, Spike…” she admonished quietly and he was becoming annoyed that she refused to believe that he really meant what he was saying.
“Bloody hell, woman!” he complained, “What do I have to say to get you to believe me when I tell I bloody well love you?!” Her head flew up at his unexpected admission and he softly cursed himself for letting that slip.
“You…you love me?” she whispered, unsure that she had really heard that. He growled lowly and attempted to push aside all the fear and dread that consumed him.
“Never planned on it, witch,” he muttered, “Isn’t really very demonic of me to fall for the sodding slayer’s best friend. But yeah, I do,” he finished with his head hung down. He felt her hands release their grip on his and steeled himself for the rejection he was about to face, knowing she was pulling away from him. He was amazed when he felt her soft hand caressing the side of his face, idly tracing his cheekbone.
“God, Spike, you’re one of a kind, you know that?” she mused, humor in her voice. “You know, I really thought you were going to brush me off tonight, like they did,” hurt filling her voice, “I never imagined you loved me. I still can’t believe it,” she added with a smile at the hope shining in his gorgeous blue eyes. “But, you have been there for me when no one cared; you’ve helped me rest on many sleepless nights. And most of all, you desired me when no one else could stand my presence. How could I *not* fall in love with you?” she sighed.
She would have laughed out loud at the look of sheer joy that her last statement caused, but refrained knowing it would hurt his surprisingly fragile feelings.
“You could really love a monster like me, pet?” he asked, unsure if he could believe it, even though he was desperate to.
“You’re not a monster Spike. I swear, I…I do love you,” she answered uncertainly. She didn’t have a chance to feel awkward any longer, because the feel of Spike’s lips on hers drove her instantly to distraction. In the back of her mind, she registered that they were moving, well, more like he was carrying her as he rushed into her room.
He placed her gently on her bed and stared at her for a moment, memorizing everything. He kissed her gently before pulling back and smiling.
“I do love you, Willow,” he told her, needing to be sure she had no doubts. At her radiant smile, he preened. “And you know you’re not leaving this bed for a week?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. She giggled.
“I know, Spike. I know.”
~Part: 16~ Tuesday Morning…
Mornings were always the worst times of day, in Willow’s opinion. Sure, she had always been perky and upbeat, when you’re keeping vampire hours it takes it toll. Surprisingly her friends had taken notice of her absence in the bustling morning hours. Hence her mid-morning shopping trip with the inquisitive slayer. She knew Xander hadn’t cared about her disappearance; he was too wrapped up in Anya. She was actually grateful for her friend’s negligence; it kept her from having to answer questions she didn’t have the answers to. Well, she didn’t use to have the answers. As of last night, she and Spike actually a relationship. Not just comfort for two equally lonely people, or a complicated friendship. No, with last night came confessions of love and they were stronger for it. While she had to admit she was ecstatic with the recent turn of events, now she couldn’t just ignore the fact that she was sleeping with Spike. She had always been an honest person, and if Buffy happened to ask her why she had been distracted and absent lately, she had to be truthful. It wasn’t in her nature to lie outright. She wasn’t ashamed of Spike, not at all. She was afraid of her friend’s reactions. She knew they wouldn’t take the news well; they had never been the most reasonable bunch.
But part of her didn’t give a damn about what they thought. They hadn’t been there, other than today; they hadn’t made one effort to ask her just how she was doing. Why she care what they thought. But, they were all she had known for such a long time. If they abandoned her as well, she would only have Spike, maybe Angel to turn to. And the problem with that scenario, vampires are forever, she was not. Eventually, they would leave. For Spike, it would be because she would age and die, and he wouldn’t, he’d have to leave her. It might not be for quite some time, but it was inevitable. And Angel, she was a reminder of all things Sunnydale. You can’t try to get over leaving the love of your life by spending time around her best friend.
So she was stuck. And it sucked.
She met Buffy at the Summers’ residence after avoiding Spike’s attempts to keep her home, although she had no desire to leave. They shopped, and shopped, and shopped; which for the redhead was never an enjoyable experience. She waited for the ball to drop, for the questioning. But surprisingly it didn’t happen. At least not when she expected it.
Buffy had insisted that they go to Giles’ place. It was now early afternoon, so no chance of Spike being there yet. Xander should still be at work so that meant Anya wouldn’t be there, just the former librarian. That she could handle.
So when she walked in to see Xander and Anya resting leisurely on the couch and Giles hovering nervously near the kitchen, her suspicions rose. Buffy took a seat across from the couple and to Willow this seemed all too rehearsed. She sat where Buffy signaled her to sit and looked at the three curiously.
“Um, Buff? What’s all this about?” she asked, obviously confused. The slayer suddenly looked very serious.
“Last week, when I needed Spike’s help, he was gone. It was the middle of the day and he was no where to be found. Neither were you. Xand called and called but he never got an answer. So we started thinking…”
“That’s never a good thing…” the redhead mumbled under her breath.
“You’ve been gone a lot lately. So has Spike. Now, I’m asking you this because Anya has this theory that you and Fangless have some sort of secret affair going on,” she continued with a look of amusement which infuriated the witch. “And, well, you’re Wills; you wouldn’t have a fling with the evil undead. So I wanted to ask you, before we have anymore crazy ideas, where exactly *have* you been?”
“Which time?” she asked with contempt. This was her friend who had the nerve to make it sound like she had been shirking on her duties. She was Willow, she doesn’t shirk! And the entire Spike theory pissed her off. Not that Anya had that idea, because hell, it was true. But that Buffy would brush it off so quickly. And it wasn’t because she thought Willow wouldn’t ‘betray’ them by sleeping with a demon; she knew it was because she honestly didn’t believe that the vampire would be attracted to her. After all, she just wasn’t his type. All that caused the small girl to forget all sense of courtesy and answer in the simplest means, she make it so clear that even complete fools understood what she had been doing.
“Last week, when you needed Spike’s help? I was in L.A., staying with a friend. As for the rest of the times, I haven’t been avoiding you. You all just never seemed to care that I wasn’t there. Hell, yesterday, I was here for an hour before any of you noticed I was here! Except Spike, he knew I was here. And as for Spike, I don’t know his whereabouts all the time, but if I were to be truthful, he’s been with me. He didn’t take me to Los Angeles, but he met up with me there later. We both were out of town for a few days. As for Anya’s theory…well, I won’t and can’t lie to you. I won’t deny the fact that Spike, Spike of all people has become an amazing friend to me. Especially in a time where I have so few. He has been at my house, if he wasn’t in his crypt that’s probably where he was. Are we done here?”
“Are you sleeping with him?” asked Buffy, still unable to believe that her friend and Spike could even stand to be in the same room with each other, let alone anything else.
“Yes.” There, it was all out. Well, most of it. But they got the point. But the redhead wasn’t done yet.
“But *you*,” she continued without skipping a beat, including all three of them in her gaze, “you have no room to lecture me. Not one of you has made any attempt to spend anytime with me, with the exception of today. But you had a real reason for asking me to come with you today, Buffy. It wasn’t just to spend time with me; it was to pry answers about my private life. Spare me the standard lectures that Spike is only using me, that he doesn’t care,” she advised them. “He has had *many* opportunities to leave me, hell, I’ve pushed him away. But he hasn’t left me. He hasn’t used our relationship against me or thrown it in your face. He has had plenty of time to do that. And it *is* a relationship. I’ll admit, at first it was just sex. A way for both of us to feel better even though the rest of our lives sucked. But it changed, I couldn’t even tell you when, but that is all you have to know.” She turned her focus on Xander.
“I know you hate this, Xand. I know he’s a demon and for that you’ll always hate him, but take a look around you. You’re dating an *ex-demon* for god’s sake! I would love nothing more than to be your best friend again, because I think we can both admit we haven’t been for quite sometime. But you have to trust that I know what I’m doing. I’m not asking you to like him, just tolerate him. He helps, albeit reluctantly. But he’s saved your collective asses many times. You owe it to him, and if not him, then you owe it to me.” Looking once again at Buffy she started.
“You think it’s simple, I know. He doesn’t have a soul. To you, that’s all that matters. Angel had a soul so it was ok. And because he couldn’t love you without it; that means no soulless creature could love. I’m not saying this to hurt you, Buff, but everything is not so black and white. You should know better than anyone that things have never been that cut and dry. Don’t stake him, or threaten him. It won’t help. If he hurts me, or leaves me, fine. I take the blame. You can be the first one to say ‘I told you so’, but until then, can you just let it be?” No one said a word. Giles merely stood and watched, a small, proud smile on his face.
“You all abandoned me when Oz left, and it hurt. A lot. But I don’t hate you for it. But as my friends, you owe me this much. Put aside all your hatred and judgment, I don’t want to hear it. Just let it be.” They nodded their heads numbly as the witch stood and grabbed her purchases. Before she left she glanced at the grinning watcher. With a small smile of her own she turned and left.
“I knew I was right!” yelled Anya triumphantly.
“An, honey,” broke in Xander softly, “shut up.”
Spike watched curiously as his redhead walked into her bedroom, arms laden with bags from the mall. What he couldn’t understand was the prideful grin on her pretty little face. He didn’t think anyone who just spent the entire day with the bloody slayer could possibly be that happy. He started to get up from the bed, he had been sleeping through the day. Now the sun had just set and he needed to get dressed. He was surprised when she pushed him back down, signaling him to stay there as she returned to her task of putting away her purchases.
“Uh, luv. I need to get up, patrolling with Slutty tonight and all. Gotta get going.” She smiled and shook her head.
“Nope, we’re taking a night off. Besides I think Buffy is a little distracted. She won’t notice you aren’t there.” He grinned at her mischievous tone.
“What happened on your eventful little shopping excursion, pet?”
“Oh, well…” she said with fake sadness as she crawled up the bed to straddle him, “Buffy and friends set me up. They wanted to know where I’ve been lately. I told them, I’ve been around. Then they wanted to know where you were…” he raised a questioning eyebrow.
“And what did you tell them, ducks?” She giggled and gave a quick peck on the lips.
“I told them the truth. They wanted to know where you were, I told them. You were in me…” she replied with an impish grin. He laughed outright.
“You didn’t?!”
“Well, not those*exact* words. But they got the drift,” she smiled slyly. “So they are a little…shocked right now. They won’t bother us,” she assured him as she placed the lightest of kisses on his bare chest. He groaned as she continued to scatter kisses on his skin.
“And I *won’t* be getting a stake through my un-beating but still quite necessary heart?” he asked skeptically.
“Nope. I put them in their place. Plus Giles will keep them in line.” She smiled when she felt him relax underneath her, knowing he wouldn’t be a pile of ashes by morning. Like she would let that happen.
“Now,” she began acting slightly annoyed, “are we done with the talking, because I think we could be doing more interesting things…” He grinned wolfishly and she squealed when he gripped her hips tightly and rolled them so he rested on top of her.
“Whatever you say, love.”
~Part: 17~ Nobody’s Listening…
Giles frowned when he heard whispering behind the door to his study, well it was his guest bedroom but he didn’t have guests so now it was a study. Xander and Anya were in the living room, pretending not to notice how comfortable Spike and Willow were, sitting on the couch together. But Buffy was no where to be found. His search for his slayer had led him to said study and he found himself attempting to listen in on the hushed conversation on the other side of the closed door.
Buffy was becoming increasingly frustrated with the way the conversation was going. He wouldn’t listen! And if there was one person who should object to the latest coupling it was Angel. He had to have known what it took for her to call him. But he had been telling her for the past few minutes that she shouldn’t worry about Spike and Willow being involved.
“Listen to me,” she huffed, “he is going to hurt her. It’s what he does! You know that! So help me, Angel!” On the other line Angel merely sighed.
“Buffy,” he started, attempting to placate her, “trust me. They are good for each other. I know. Just leave them alone.”
“How do you think you know all this?” she demanded.
“Willow came to Los Angeles and stayed with me for a couple days. Spike showed up, I know they are good together because I’ve seen it, Buffy. He loves her. I’ll bet you haven’t even seen them together.” Buffy was in shock that her best friend was with Angel and didn’t even tell her that she simply hung up on her ex.
Giles snuck back into the living room relieved to see the inhabitants hadn’t killed each other. Amazingly Xander wasn’t glaring or glowering at Spike. In fact, the boy was smiling at Willow, just happy to see his friend so content.
Buffy sulked as she joined the group, never once looking up at their curious faces, or in Spike’s case, his bored expression. Giles glanced at his slayer and came to a decision.
“Everyone, I think that’s enough for tonight. You can all go,” they smiled gratefully and stood to leave. He stopped Buffy as she made her way to the door. The three others, minus Spike, looked on, wondering what he was doing. He shooed them away and led Buffy to a chair as they walked out the door.
“What is it Giles?” she sighed, wanting to patrol. Maybe hitting things would make her feel better.
“What did you think you were doing, calling Angel?” he insisted.
“I…I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t talk to Angel, Giles. You know that,” she scoffed.
“Stop. Do not lie to me. I overheard you.”
“It’s not right, Giles. Spike is a murderer…”
“And Angel’s a saint?”
“Well…no, but this is different and you know it.”
“You’re right Buffy, this is different,” he agreed, at her triumphant smile he continued, “but that doesn’t mean it is any worse. I’ve known of their relationship for quite some time now, and he has done nothing more than concern himself with her needs. He comforted her when you pushed her away. He helped her get over Oz. He loves her, even though he may not admit that to you. And she loves him. You have no right to make demands on a girl whom you have shamelessly ignored for weeks.” The slayer looked down, ashamed of her reaction.
“I’ve been a bad friend, haven’t I?” she muttered. He looked at her sternly.
“Yes, Buffy. You have.”
“What do you think that was about?” questioned Willow as she and Spike walked hand in hand back home.
“Don’t really care, luv,” he shrugged. She hit him playfully and he grinned. “Like it when you play rough, pet. May have to piss you off more often.” She blushed.
“Really Spike, he looked angry.”
“She called the poof,” she turned to him, shocked at his admission. “Heard them arguing in the other room. Rupert probably wanted to give her a piece of his mind. No worries, luv. The watcher will set the bint straight.”
“Ah, you’re so caring,” she replied sarcastically.
“Only with you, pet. Only with you.”
The young witch sighed, trying her best to keep her eyes open. Normally her usual researching of ancient spells would have her enthralled, but tonight her heart just wasn’t in it. She glanced under her lashes at the assembled group before her.
It had been a few weeks since she and Spike had ‘come out’, so to speak. Things were progressing well. Buffy had reluctantly calmed down. She may not be happy that they were a couple, but she was doing her best to be happy for her friend. Xander was satisfied that Spike made his best friend happy, therefore he didn’t complain. Anya could care less. And Giles had stood behind them all the way.
Spike hurling the usual insults at the slayer as he sat on the floor, his back against the bottom of the couch, resting in front of Willow. She wasn’t worried about their ‘argument’. That’s just how those two were. Competitive till the end.
She turned the page of her book, barely glancing at the writing in front of her. But what she saw there made her stop in her tracks. She pulled the book closer to her, making sure no one noticed her secretive movement. This spell could be an answer to some major problems only to create more. She didn’t know what to do. She wanted to call Giles over. To see if the spell was real, if it could truly work. But part of her wanted to pretend she never saw it. This one piece of paper could easily disrupt her pseudo-happy existence.
Quickly slipping the small book into her schoolbag, she returned her attention to the good natured ribbing that was going on between her friends. This could ruin everything.
Spike stared at his witch, he knew something was wrong but she refused to admit that something was bothering her. She had been rather withdrawn since their meeting at Giles’. She had been fine, laughing and smiling one minute. The next she was quiet, reserved. If she wasn’t going to come to him, he would have to come to her.
“Red, what is it pet?” he asked softly, praying that she would confide in him.
“Hmmm? Oh,” she answered with a forced smile, “nothing is wrong, Spike.”
“Hate to break it to you love, but you are the world’s worst liar. Tell Spike what’s the matter?” She opened and closed her mouth but nothing came out.
“Come on, pet. You know you can tell me anything, right?” at her nod he smiled. “Then tell me what is bothering you.” She took a deep, calming breath and prepared for his inevitable outburst.
The vampire was slack-jawed by her response, “What if I told I know how to remove your chip?”
~Part: 18~ Don’t Let Go…
“Come again…” pleaded Spike as he sat by a shaking Willow.
“I…there’s a spell. I-I just found it actually. But, I…I think it could work. I might be able to take out your chip…” A bright smile broke out on his face and it did nothing to lessen her fears.
“Bloody hell, Red!!” he exclaimed, shouting with joy, “You know what this means?! No more sodding blood bags! I can finally be a real vampire again!” She tried to return his excited grin but she could only manage a slight grimace.
“Yeah,” she replied softly. He was too elated to notice her distressed look. “Um, I’ll need to speak with Giles, see if it will really work.” He nodded absently.
“What is the spell?” he wondered.
“Uh, a transportation spell. You get a few ingredients together, do some chanting. Then all I should have to do is call forth the item I want. I’ll ask for your…chip and it should appear in my palm, I believe.”
“Sounds simple enough. You sure this won’t take a lot out of you.” She smiled a little at his concern.
“I should be fine. It doesn’t seem to stressful. I may or may not pass out at the end. Depends on how much energy I end up using.” He laughed in joy and swept her up into his arms, thrilled at the prospect of getting his bite back.
She let him hold her tightly, knowing this was important to him. He couldn’t see the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. She wasn’t afraid of the physical results of the spell. But she was scared. If he was back to his ‘old self’ who is to say that he’d stay with her. Or even that he would leave Buffy alone. He had always hated the slayer and only cooperated with her because he was unable to fight back. But with the chip gone, he had no reason not to reclaim his title as master of the hellmouth and try to take out the slayer. She was sure he could do it too, he had killed two slayers already, Buffy wouldn’t know what hit her. Sure, he tried to kill her before and she lived, but he didn’t have to worry about Drusilla or Angelus anymore. Add in the fact that he had spent the past few months patrolling with her, learning her habits and strategies. She wouldn’t stand a chance.
That was one of many of her moral conflicts right now. All her friends, no matter how much they had ignored her, didn’t deserve to die as brutally as Spike would kill them. Xander would be a sitting duck, as would Anya and Giles. None of them would survive if Spike decided he truly hated them once again.
She had to ask, where did that leave her? He would be able to feed again, so the chances of him forgetting about that tiny detail and continue to help the gang were pretty slim. She wondered if he went on that dreaded killing spree what her fate would be. Would she die with the rest, or would he save some special torture for her alone, because she loved him, and love was a weakness to a demon. Would he even want to be in her presence now that he was free?
Best-case scenario that she could imagine, he would leave. It would hurt, nearly kill her she was sure, but they would live. And she would never have to see the man…the demon she had come to love kill, maim, and enjoy every minute of it. She didn’t know if she could bear seeing him feed, kill. She was terrified that without the chip, he wouldn’t want her anymore. Flashes of Angelus and Buffy came to her mind. Would it be like that? Would he hate her? Could he stalk her and her friends? She feared the answer but was too afraid to ask the question.
So instead she just surrendered to his confining embrace. He was happy, and part of her was glad that she could bring him such joy, and part of her just cried.
Spike was wide awake as he and Willow lay in bed. She had long since fallen into a dreamless sleep, but his mind was too active. He couldn’t believe she had found a way for him to get rid of the blasted chip. He longed for the taste of hot, human blood flooding his hungry mouth. He only prayed that the spell was as simple as she made it out to be.
He knew from the tenseness of her posture and her unusual silence that she was worried. That is what amazed him even more about her. She had to be scared that he could kill her, abandon her. But he had made a promise to his ever absent grandsire that he meant to keep. He never wanted to hurt her, and if he was truly honest with himself, he couldn’t imagine his unlife without her. If he left it would hurt her, if he tried to kill Slutty or Chubs she would never be able to forgive him. So he would wait, bide his time. He was eternal, they weren’t. If he wouldn’t be the one to off them, then time itself would.
But he was determined to take back the town that was forcibly removed from his grasp. He had been master here for years. Before, Angelus had been the one to steal it from him. Then those commandos and their little toys. And he was tired of having something just to have it taken away. First it was Dru, who once again Angelus took, then it was his town. No more. He knew that he would have yet another complication. Even if he guaranteed, to his great dismay, to leave the slayer and friends alone, the blonde would never let Willow associate with him. He was a killer, the chip didn’t change that, and he had every intention of becoming to demon he used to be. But he wouldn’t hurt the girl, he couldn’t. She belonged with him, to him. Or she would. That was another reason he was looking forward to being rid of his chip. He had yet to claim his witch, but that would all change when he got his bite back. She would belong to him, forever. She may not know it yet, but it was inevitable.
Willow watched him intently, so peaceful in sleep. How strange. It was mid-morning by now, and she couldn’t leave his side, literally. He had his arm wrapped so tightly around her waist that if she moved anymore, it would wake him. But she didn’t want to wake him. She was content to study him, memorize. In case this was one of the last times she ever got to be this close. She would miss this. Just being in his arms, feeling safe from the world.
Truth was, she wasn’t afraid of his demon. She knew he was a vampire when they got together. Hell, he had tried to kill her on numerous occasions. What truly frightened her was this fear she couldn’t get rid of. The fear of not being good enough. With the chip, his demon was suppressed, but when he was free, when he didn’t have to be around them for survival, she was afraid she wouldn’t be what he wanted. She wasn’t a demon, she was barely a witch, how could she keep him interested? That is one thing Oz taught her, as much as the man inside him loved her, the demon in him needed more, an equal. She wasn’t that strong and she was just trying to prepare herself for the eventual heartbreak.
Spike felt a stray tear hit his bare shoulder as his witch stared at him. He had been awake for awhile now, waiting to see what she would do. He opened his eyes slowly, wondering what she was crying about. He could see the fear and worry etched in her delicate face and smiled slightly, knowing what had her so scared.
“Not going anywhere, pet…” he whispered as she looked at him in surprise. He shifted so he was on his side, resting on one elbow to look her in the eye. He gently ran his fingers through her hair, tucking some stray strands behind her ear.
“The chip,” he continued, pointing to his head, “it isn’t a soul, love. Losing it won’t make me all crazy and vengeful. I’m not Peaches, thank god!” he muttered and she reluctantly giggled.
“You know I can’t stand your friends, but I’m not planning any great revenge scheme, if that’s what you’re so worried about. Things will be different, I can’t lie to you, but I don’t want to hurt you. I couldn’t hate you like Angelus hated the slayer. We’ll make adjustments on both our parts, but it will all work out in the end. I promise,” she smiled and he placed a soft kiss on her lips.
She buried her head in the crook of his neck and sighed, knowing this wouldn’t be easy. “I love you, Spike…” she murmured, holding him close.
“Love you, too. So bloody much…”
~Part: 19~ The Art of Losing…
“Is it possible, Giles? Would this work?” he sighed and pushed the book away from him.
“Are you sure you want to do this, Willow?”
“I had to tell him Giles. If I have a way to help him, I must. It wouldn’t have been right of me to lie to him. I know the consequences of my actions. Now, will it work?” she asked again, resolve face intact.
“Yes, it isn’t very difficult at all. It should only take a matter of minutes.” He rose from his dining room chair and paced his living room.
“She’ll make you choose you know,” he advised her. “If he resumes killing, it’s Buffy’s job to stake him. You know this?”
“I-I do, but he *promised* Giles.” He shook his head sadly.
“Promised what exactly? Isn’t that the issue. He never promised you he’d stop killing, he only told you there would be changes. Can you handle knowing your boyfriend is feeding on the population of this town?” he asked harshly. He hated to make her feel bad, but she needed to accept the truth.
“I’m not telling you to side with Buffy,” he assured her, “she tends to be rash in some of her decisions. But I can’t say that I would stop her if I found out he was killing. I am your friend, but I am first and foremost a watcher.”
“I know. I wouldn’t blame you for that. I’m beginning to realize that this is a no-win situation. If I don’t take out Spike’s chip, he’ll hate me for it. And if, no when I do, he might just become what we fight, again.”
“You are in the most difficult position, Willow,” he acknowledged. “With the rest of us, it is not such a personal decision. If he stays or goes, it won’t affect us much. But you love him, and while he does love you I have to wonder if it will survive this upcoming test. Maybe it’s best. If you both can’t surpass this then maybe it wasn’t meant to be.”
She stood, not disagreeing with his quiet sentiments. “I’ve gotta go. Thanks Giles.” He smiled sadly and watched her leave.
She knocked softly on Buffy’s dorm room door. The slayer opened the door seconds later and escorted the redhead into the room. Willow had already informed Xander and Anya of the news and while they had obvious concern, they knew she was right. Now it was time to break it to the slayer. She sat the blonde down and quietly told her of the spell and the removal of Spike’s chip. Buffy simply absorbed it all.
“If he turns evil again, you can’t stay with him. I am willing to leave him alone if he feeds from blood bags, or something, but if he kills, he’s dust. And for the first couple days I want you away from him, for your safety,” she demanded.
“Buffy,” she pleaded, “he won’t hurt me. I understand you’re concern but keeping me away from him won’t help anything.”
“We’re not debating this Wills. I was willing to deal with you and he being together because he had a chip but soon he’ll be back to his evil self and he might try to kill all of us. I don’t want you hurt and I don’t trust him. You’ll stay at my mom’s house with me, okay.” She didn’t even bother to argue with the slayer knowing she’d never convince her of her safety.
“Sit…” Willow told Spike, gesturing to the floor that was surrounded by candles. He did as she asked and looked up to her. She had done her usual preparatory meditating and chanting, mixed various ingredients, an offering to her goddess. Now she stood before him, like a goddess in her own right, preparing to remove his dreaded chip.
“Close your eyes,” he did as he was told and heard her soft pleas.
“Across time and space,
I call this to me.
From its resting place,
Not of blood and bone come free.”
She stretched out the palm of her hand and finished her chanting.
“Goddess, remove what is not meant to be.
Release him from his painful fate,
Grant me what I seek.
Blessed be.” She saw a light surround Spike, colors shifting from white to red, then black before she heard a deep growl rise from his chest. He was obviously fighting his demon. The flames of the candles rose suddenly and with a magnificent burst of light it was over.
She hadn’t realized that she had closed her eyes until she peeked out of one eye to glance at her palm. Resting there was a small piece of metal, not even an inch in width of length, gleaming in the candlelight.
Willow looked to the vampire before her whom seemed very disoriented.
“Spike…” she breathed, “are you okay?” He finally looked at her once again, a smile crossing his handsome face as he saw the pathetic piece of tin that practically ruined his life sitting in her delicate little hand. He stood swiftly and took the chip from her and throwing it onto her father’s desk. She watched him curiously as he picked up the nearest paperweight and slammed it down onto the chip.
Thrilled with his destruction, he turned to the witch that had freed him. He rushed to her and grabbed her arms roughly, pulling her into a passionate kiss. When he realized that she still needed to breathe he released her mouth and trailed his lips to her throat. He couldn’t resist the temptation and bit down hard. She gasped but didn’t cry out as he bit her. He couldn’t get enough of her, but he soon pulled away. He wasn’t planning on killing her, at least not yet, but she wouldn’t stay dead. That much he was sure of.
“Mine!” he growled against her neck as licked her throat clean of her blood. He had finally been able to claim his witch, not that she knew the significance of it, but they had to explain it. She let him continue holding her tightly. Well, she now knew her spell worked, Spike didn’t seem to be in any pain, if she could tell anything from his purring.
He nuzzled her neck contentedly but realized he awakened his hunger which she could not sate. He pulled away from her, kissing her quickly before releasing her.
“Gotta go, pet. I’ll be back, I promise,” he swore to her, not telling her he was going to feed. He knew that she could guess that was why he was leaving, but he thought it would be better to not mention it. At least not until she was more accustomed to his vampiric habits.
Willow watched him leave with that ecstatic grin on his face and sighed. He had never discussed with her the changes he was willing to make. He was leaving her to feed. She couldn’t hate him for it, he had to survive, but it was difficult for her. She walked slowly to the phone, since she had promised Buffy that she would tell her when she did the spell. Pushing away the feeling of foreboding, she dialed the slayer at home and waited for her to pick up.
“Hello? Summers residence.”
“Buffy,” she said quietly, “it’s done.” She was surprised when the blonde hung up on her. She shrugged and sat on her sofa, turning on the television and waited patiently for Spike to come back.
Ten minutes later there was a pounding at her door. She looked up from the program she was watching and frowned. Willow rose from her place on the couch and opened the door.
“Buffy? Wha-?” she couldn’t even finish her question before she was pulled out of her house by the slayer’s harsh grip. She struggled and the blonde tightened her grip, and the redhead whimpered, knowing her wrist would bruise.
She noticed Mrs. Summers’ car in her driveway and was shocked when Buffy tried to push her into the car. She continued to fight her, unable to understand why her friend was dragging her out of her perfectly fine house and practically kidnapping her.
Buffy sighed when she saw that Willow wasn’t going to make it easy on her. She sadly pulled back her fist and reluctantly punched her best friend in the face, easily knocking out the witch.
“You would make it harder…” she sighed as she loaded the girl into her car and drove them away to the safety of her mother’s house.
Spike bounded happily through the front door. He had a filling meal of some ditzy teenage girl, not that Willow needed to know that. Thinking of the redhead he smiled, she was finally truly his.
His smile abruptly faded as he noticed there was no heartbeat in her house at all. He took in the state of her living room, noticing for the first time that the front door had been open when he walked in and the TV was on. He took a deep breath to calm him and paused when he caught a familiar, hated scent.
The slayer had been there.
~Part: 20~ Shatterday…
“Uh, Buffy, dear?” stuttered a confused Joyce Summers when her daughter dragged the unconscious body of Willow Rosenberg through their front door. “What happened? Is she all right?”
“She’s fine,” the blonde assured her mother as she placed her friend on her couch in the family room.
“She’s unconscious, Buffy. That doesn’t usually mean a person is fine.”
“Really, mom, she’s ok. You wouldn’t understand.”
“Understand what?” asked the older woman, growing increasingly confused.
“Long story short, this is for her own good. Mom, Spike is back to his old self, the chip is gone. Willow is convinced that he wouldn’t hurt her, but I can’t be so sure and I refuse to just leave her alone so he can hurt her!”
“Why would Spike hurt her? I’m quite fond of him myself.”
“She is convinced she loves him, and he says that he loves her. But I know how this all turns out. The harmless vampire turns evil, stalks all your friends, telling you because he loves you, you have to die,” she explained, her eyes glazing as she thought of Angel and Angelus. “She doesn’t want to accept it. Now that Spike can feed again, he won’t be the same. All bets are off. I just want to protect her.”
“Buffy,” Joyce began softly, tugging on her daughter’s arm to sit her down. Looking directly in her eyes, she continued, “Spike isn’t Angel, he never had a soul. While I understand your motivation, I can’t help but think it is a little selfish. There was no one to save you from the pain Angelus caused, and you think you can make up for it by taking Willow away from Spike. But she isn’t you, this situation, while slightly similar, isn’t the same. This is her life, whether her decisions are foolish or not, they should be hers to make. You need to let her go home when she wakes. If she comes to you for help, then do it, but don’t keep her prisoner for her supposed safety.”
“I-I…I’ll think about it. You should go to bed, mom. It’s getting late.” Joyce smiled warmly at her girl, kissed her on the cheek, and made her way upstairs.
Shaking her head sadly, Buffy watched her mother leave. Hearing the door close to her bedroom, she sighed, “You just don’t understand…”
Buffy merely watched the redhead taking deep breaths as she slept. She knew she was right; none of them were safe now that Spike was back to normal. She had the witch do an un-invite spell the day before. Willow was saddened at the idea that the slayer didn’t trust her judgment, but she tried to be understanding. After all, she was the slayer, Spike was a vampire, and it was only natural of her to be wary.
The blonde hadn’t expected her to be out so long, but unfortunately when she hit her, she forgot to take in account her strength and her friend’s fragile form. So she was probably going to sleep for another five to ten minutes, a half an hour at the most.
Her quiet revelry was shattered when her front door came flying off its hinges, landing loudly on the entry room floor. Spike tried to enter, but the invisible barrier kept him away from the damn slayer and his girl.
“So good to see you, Spikey,” mocked the slayer, her eyes holding amusement. “Is there a reason you’re here, or are you just enjoying the whole mindless destruction bit?”
“Her!” he growled, his amber gaze falling on the redhead who was slowly waking from all the noise.
“What about her?” prompted the small girl. Willow stood shakily as they continued to argue.
“*She* is mine!” he snarled, his possessive side showing. Buffy followed his intense gaze, noticing for the first time the wounds that marred her friend’s neck.
“You bit her!” she screamed, now she knew she was right.
“I told you, you stupid bint! She’s mine! Give her back to me and I won’t leave your drained corpse for your precious Angelus to find!”
“Not helping your cause, Blondie. I’m not going to just hand her to you! Threatening me doesn’t convince me that you won’t hurt her.”
“I hate you, you daft chit! I *love* her! I couldn’t care less if you died tomorrow, hell I’d celebrate at your sodding funeral! But I am not going to hurt her, you nit! Now, either let me in or bring her to me!”
“Spike?” asked the confused redhead as she stumbled into the entry way. He took a good look at her, growling when he saw the beginning of a black eye on her beautiful face. Turning harshly to Buffy, barking out his next question.
“What did you do to her?” he asked lowly, accenting every word.
“I-I…well, she wouldn’t leave…I…” the slayer stammered.
“You hit me…” whispered the bewildered witch.
“And you’re saying I’m the one who’s going to hurt her? You hypocritical bitch!”
“Spike, stop,” pleaded Willow, her head hurt too much to talk. He reluctantly shut his mouth. Facing Buffy, she tried to reason with her. “Listen, Spike isn’t the enemy…”
“Did you feed tonight, Spikey?” questioned the slayer suddenly. “Did you bite some young kid in town, kill them? Did you?” At his continued silence and clenched jaw she turned to Willow. “See Wills, he *is* the enemy. He didn’t deny it. He’s a killer, has been and always will be. What’s the first thing he does when you get rid of his chip? He *bites* you and then, what, promptly leaves to feed on some random citizen of Sunnydale.”
Willow looked at Spike, well aware that he never denied any of the slayer’s accusations. Part of her always knew he wouldn’t stop feeding, it was his nature after all. But it was still hard to accept that the man she loved was once again a murderer. And she was just so tired, all she wanted to do now was sleep. She could spend tomorrow deciding whether she could truly live with his choices.
“Buffy,” she ordered quietly, “go to bed.” Spike grinned slowly at the chit’s dismissal, but stopped abruptly when Willow turned her exhausted gaze to him. “Go home, Spike. Please.” He glowered. She was daft if she thought he was leaving without her.
“I’m not leaving unless you’re leaving too…” he warned, giving her a chance to walk out to join him.
“Not now, Spike. Please, just go back home. We’ll talk later, I promise. I’m so tired, I need to sleep. Go…” He growled at the smirking slayer and again stared at Willow.
“Fine, but this doesn’t end. You told me you loved me, I claimed you. There is no going back. I won’t hurt you, but you are mine.” His last words were aimed solely at the slayer.
“I won’t hurt you or your gang, as long as you don’t come after me or mine. You try to take her away again, and my promise is null and void. They’ll be finding your body for weeks. Sleep tight, pet.” With that he turned, his duster billowing behind him as he stalked toward Willow’s home.
He’d give her one day, after that, he’d there would be no more running.