Attachment
It has been two weeks since he left. It has been
fourteen days since I
felt his touch. This has been the longest three hundred thirty six
hours of
my life. I am trying to be old cheerful Willow. The one that
says we saved
the world again. I really do try, but I find reminders of him everywhere.
It
is as though may body is missing a vital nutrient and it is slowly
killing
me. Even school does not help. I used to engross myself
in learning. It
satisfied me. Now it only passes the time, it does not fill the void
in my
life. Even breathing is a chore.
I used to welcome sleep, because I did not have to
pretend I was fine. I
only welcome sleep because I do not dream. I am so unmotivated,
and it does
not bother me. I remember the first time Spike held me hostage, part
of me
wishes that I was dead now. The dead don't cry. Even when
Spike was here
last, he did not kill me. I wish he would have. I wish
now that his teeth
had pierced my skin, slowly ending the misery I feel. I asked
Buffy what it
felt like to be vampire food. She said that it was erotic. I knew that
she
enjoyed it.
Even Xander can't cheer me up. He used to be
able to make me happy with
his jokes. I smile, but it really doesn't ease my pain.
I just am too nice
to hurt his feelings I guess. He is trying to help me cope, but
he doesn't
understand. Right now I am in my room, with quiet. There is no
peace when
you are as alone as I am. Buffy is on patrol. I look out my window
and gaze
helplessly at the stars. I used to be able to name all the constellations;
I
am now drawn to the moon. It sits alone in the sky. The stars
are near, but
the moon is truly alone. I can feel the air in here getting thick,
as
thought I am suffocating.
The outside air is light. I am glad that the campus
is near town. I pull
my car into the alley. I do not know why I am here. I know
that Buffy would
freak. I am aware that I might survive the night if I enter.
I went up to
the door and knock. He could see the tears I hid from everyone
else. He
pulled me into his apartment. I break down and cry in his arms.
I have
never cried in front of a vampire. Spike held me so tight.
His cool skin
calmed my jittery nerves. He asked no questions and only offers comfort.
He
purred low, it was very soothing. I can smell the alcohol on his breath.
I
reach across his chest to get the bottle. He looks at me innocently
with his
big eyes. I find it sweet.
I take a sip of the bourbon. It is smooth and
warms my cold heart. I
take a few more sips and then curl up next to him. He purrs as the
contact
intensifies. The two of us lie alone; each of us mourning for
lost love. As
the song said, love hurts. It is killing me slowly. I don't
know how it
started, but his tongue was in my mouth. It was like marble, cool and
smooth.
It has been a long time since I have been kissed like this. I
press myself
against him. I want to be smothered by him. His hands work at removing
my
clothes. When I finally came up for air, he kisses my neck. I
moan at his
touch, it cools the fire that burns beneath my skin. It felt heavenly.
His
hands explore my body. His cool fingers my skin. I tell him I
want him.
Soon we are naked.
He gets on top of me and enters me. It feels
good to have him stretching
me, filling to void in my life. My nails rake his back as I buck my
hips
against him. He growls for me. It is so primal, I growl back at him,
but it
comes out like a grunt. I wrap my hands around his neck as the
pressure
increases inside me. I see his eyes change into an amber glow.
I bared my
neck for him and told him to drink. I moaned as his canines broke my
skin. I
told him it felt so good. We came together. After we came he licked
my neck.
He told me that my blood was the most divine blood he ever had. I fell
into
sleep as he held me. I made him promise not to leave me. He said
he would
stay until the end of time.