*Practice Makes Perfect (or “You can’t date a pile of dust”)*
 
 

“It’s my life. Who... what... no, who I date is my decision. No, don’t try to stop me. I want to date Spike. I am dating Spike.” Willow looked at the teddy bear on her dresser. “Oh, yeah, that’ll work. I’ll say that and Buffy will smile and say, ‘Sure you are, Willow.’ Then Spike will be a pile of dust. Which would be very bad, because you can’t date a pile of dust. And, you know, Spike would be dead. Or more dead, because, you know, he already is dead. Or undead, anyway. And I’m explaining myself to a stuffed animal.” Willow sighed and threw herself across her bed. How was she going to tell her friends that she was dating a vampire? And not just any vampire, either. Nope, she had to fall for a guy who had kidnapped her, knocked Xander unconscious, and tried to kill Buffy several times. Oh, yeah. Telling the others was looking better and better. Maybe the Hellmouth would reopen and she wouldn’t have to.

She sat up again and picked up her bear. “Okay. One more time. You be Buffy.” She put the bear on the bed and grabbed her stuffed pig. “And you can be Xander.” She placed the pig next to the bear and stood up. She looked at the two stuffed animals and tried to figure out what to say. “All right. I can do this.” She began pacing back and forth across the room, occasionally glancing at the bear and the pig on her bed. “Here’s the deal. I thought Spike kissed me because he was trying to keep the other vampires away from me. That’s only partially true. He wanted to kiss me. I wanted to kiss him, too. And now we’re dating.” She stopped and turned to face the bear. “Please don’t kill my boyfriend.”

*Best Friends (or “Breathe, Xander, breathe”)*

“Please don’t kill my boyfriend.”

Willow had just finished her speech and, amazingly, Buffy had yet to run out to stake Spike. Instead, the Slayer just sat calmly, occasionally glancing at her fingernails. Xander, on the other hand, had turned a rather interesting shade of purple.

“You’re what?!? I can’t believe you! How could you date Spike? He’s a monster! He’s a vampire! He’s...he’s...he’s...”

“Breathe, Xander, breathe,” the Slayer recommended. She turned to Willow. “I don’t have a problem with you dating Spike. He cares about you; I can tell.”

“He’s a demon!” Xander shouted.

Willow snorted. “Excuse me, but aren’t you dating a demon?”

“That’s not the point. Spike tried to kill me!”

“He kidnapped you. He didn’t try to kill you. If he’d tried to kill you, you’d be dead. Besides, didn’t one of your girlfriends try to strangle you? Not to mention the fact that she poisoned Angel and held a knife to my throat.”

“Faith was not my girlfriend.”

“No, you just had sex with her.” Before Xander could protest, Willow continued. “That, however, is not the point. The point is that I’m with Spike now. I’m not asking your permission. I’m telling you. Got that?”

“Got it,” Xander muttered sullenly. If Buffy wasn’t on his side, he knew he couldn’t win. Besides, Willow had her resolve face on.

Buffy turned to Willow. “It took you long enough to tell us.”

“What do you mean?”

“Please. You’ve been together since that night. It was what, two weeks ago? I saw the two of you kissing in Spike’s room.”

“You were in his bedroom?!?”

Willow turned to Xander, who was in the process of hyperventilating, then glanced at the Slayer. “Thanks a lot, Buffy.”

*Angel (or “If he tries anything...”)*

“He’s a monster, Willow.”

Willow scrunched up her brow as if in thought. “Hmmm...where have I heard that before? Oh, yeah. Xander. You know, you two have a lot more in common than I originally thought.”

“Willow.”

“Angel. See, now we each know who the other is. Can we move on?”

“You shouldn’t be dating him. He’s a vampire.”

“I kind of knew that. That whole thing where he drinks blood and doesn’t breathe was a dead giveaway. Pardon the pun.”

Angel sighed. He just wasn’t getting through to her. “I don’t want you to get hurt, Willow.”

“I don’t want to get hurt, either. And I don’t intend to.” Willow reached over and took Angel’s hand. “Besides, if Spike tries anything, I can always sic Buffy on him.”

“If he tries anything, I’ll rip his arms out of their sockets, beat him to a bloody pulp, break every bone in his body, and then hang him upside down from a flagpole to see the sunrise.”

“Gosh, Angel, that’s...really violent.”

“Yeah, well, it’s a gift.”

*Angel and Spike (or “That would have been more painful if I needed to breathe”)*

“If you hurt her, I will kill you. Painfully.” Angel was in full game face. He had his hand wrapped around Spike’s throat with enough pressure to pin his childe to wall. “You will beg for your death. Do you understand me?”

“Yes,” Spike choked out. He was growing tired of this. With a growl, he pushed his sire away, nearly sending him to the ground and causing a lamp to go crashing to the floor. He rubbed his throat. “You know,” Spike began conversationally, “that would have been more painful if I needed to breathe. Which I don’t.”

“Which is the problem.”

“If that’s the only problem, I can take it up again.” Spike watched, amused, as his sire tried to reign in his anger. After a moment, Angel’s fists unclenched and his human mask slipped back into place.

“She’s human, Spike. Or has that slipped your mind?”

“I know she’s human. So what? You dated a human.”

“That’s different. Buffy’s the Slayer.”

“Yes, she is. You dated the Slayer. You dated the girl whose sole purpose in life is to kill vampires. If that’s not masochism, I don’t know what is. I’m just dating a witch.” He turned to face his sire. “I won’t hurt her, Angel.” He studied Angel’s face intently. “But that’s not the real problem, is it?”

“And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Angel shot back, irritated.

“You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

“Excuse me?’

“You’re jealous of me and Willow.”

“Why would I be jealous?’

Spike shot a knowing look at his sire. “Because you want her for yourself.”

Angel couldn’t reply. He didn’t know how.

*Oz (or “It hurts”)*

The Journal of Me

Willow’s dating Spike. It’s odd. Even though we broke up and I’m with Amy now, it hurts. Even so, I’m happy for her. But seeing her with him? I’m not sure I’m ready for that. That’s not really fair, though. I mean, she sees me with Amy all the time. I wonder if that ever hurts her. I hope not. I never meant to hurt her. And I know she’d never hurt me, at least not intentionally. However, if Spike hurts her...well, I’ll just have to catch up to him one night during a full moon if that happens.

Oz

*Cordelia, Angel, and Doyle (or “Jealous much?”)*

“She doesn’t belong with him.”

“That’s nice to know. Now, are you going to do any actual work today, or are just you going to whine about Willow?” Cordelia asked, exasperated.

“I don’t whine.”

“You know, Cordy, he’s right. He doesn’t whine.”

“Thank you, Doyle.”

“He just broods.” Doyle turned to his friend. “What is your problem, anyway? So Willow’s dating Spike. He promised not to hurt her, didn’t he?”

“Yes,” Angel grudgingly admitted.

“And the Slayer’s there, right?”

“Right.”

“And she can float a mean pencil, can’t she?”

Angel sighed. “Yes, she can. Spike won’t hurt her, and Buffy could protect her if he tried anything, and Willow’s spent eighteen years on the Hellmouth and can probably protect herself. You happy now?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.”

“She still shouldn’t be with him.” With that, Angel stood up and stalked out of the room, leaving Cordelia and Doyle behind. After a moment, Cordelia broke the silence.

“Jeez, Angel, jealous much?”

Doyle laughed.

*Amy and Anya (or “He’s really cute for a demon”)*

“So you two are okay with this?” Willow looked expectantly at her friends.

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Anya asked.

“I don’t know...it’s just that Xander kind of freaked out and Angel was definitely not happy.”

Amy shrugged. “It’s okay with me. But be careful. He may be on the home team now, but he is still a demon.”

“Yeah, but he’s really cute for a demon.” Anya looked up as she realized Willow and Amy were staring at her. “What? He is cute, and not just for a demon if you want to know the truth. You should see some of the demons out there, though. They’re disgusting.” She turned to Willow. “You could have done a whole lot worse.”

“I know. I have done worse, actually.”

Amy raised her eyebrows. “You’d better not be talking about Oz.”

Willow rolled her eyes. “No, I’m not talking about Oz. Oz was great. Is great,” she hastily corrected herself. “I’m talking about Moloch.”

Anya’s eyes widened in surprise. “The Corrupter? Willow, he’s green and has horns. Plus, he’s a jerk. I should know; I met him in the twelfth century.” She shuddered in disgust. “Moloch?”

Willow shrugged. “I met him on the Internet.”

*Giles (or “I don’t know what to do”)*

The Journal of Rupert Giles, former Watcher

I realize that, as I am no longer a Watcher, I am not required to keep a diary of the Slayer’s activities. However, it is important to have a record of what Buffy does for future reference. Unfortunately, this isn’t about Buffy or her exploits. As I have written earlier, the vampire Spike, formerly known as William the Bloody, is now a member of the group that fights with Buffy. He has proven to be a trustworthy associate, but I hesitate to get too close to him. He is, after all, still a soulless demon. However, Willow Rosenberg does not seem to care about that. She and Spike are now seeing each other. I don’t know what to do. I do not have the power to forbid the relationship. I am merely a friend to the girl, not her father. Besides that, Spike would probably rip out my throat if I tried. Even so, I wonder if I should interfere. I don’t want Willow to get hurt. She’s a dear, sweet girl, but sometimes I fear she is entirely too trusting. I just hope that Willow hasn’t chosen to trust the wrong person. I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to her.

Rupert Giles

*Xander and Anya (or “He probably ate them”)*

“It’s unnatural.”

“That’s nice, Xander.”

“Anya, are you even listening to me?”

“Actually, no. I stopped listening after about five minutes of you ranting about Spike and Willow. Get over it already.”

“She’s my best friend, Anya. She always has been. I have to protect her.”

“She doesn’t want your protection.”

“She’s not safe with him.”

“Yes, she is. Look, Xander, I spent over a thousand years granting wishes to scorned women. In all that time, no one ever wanted me to punish Spike.”

“He probably ate them before you could be called.”

“Xander?”

“What?”

“Shut up.”

*Spike and Willow (or “And how was your day?”)*

“So, pet, how did it go?”

“Not bad, actually. Xander and Angel took it the worst. I think it was best that you weren’t there. They would have gone completely berserk if you had been. Everyone else was cool, though.” She looked pointedly at the broken lamp on the floor. “And how was your day?”

Spike followed the direction of Willow’s gaze. “Oh, that. I meant to clean it up before you came. Angel did it.”

“He got mad and decided the best way to get back at you would be to break a lamp?”

Spike laughed. “Actually, I sort of knocked him into it. He was attacking me at the time, though. Bloody poof.” He looked at Willow, who seemed rather amused. “What?”

“It's just kind of funny, I guess. So, did you two make nice?”

“No, but you should be happy. We didn’t kill each other.”

Willow sighed. “Well, that’s a good thing.” She smiled brightly. “Hey, we’ve been public for almost a day now, and no one’s dead yet.”

“Well, I could always kill Xander.” Willow gave Spike a look, then walked over and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Funny. Very funny.”

“I’m a very funny guy. It’s one of my best qualities.”

“Spike?”

“Yes, love?”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

He did.

The End
 

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