We went for coffee after the movie; Buffy insisted. Of course, I’m sure she
now wishes she hadn’t. It’s not that anything bad happened... although we
did discover that Spike + caffeine = really hyper dead guy. That wasn’t
exactly a surprise though. No, the surprise came later. I’m getting a
little ahead of myself, aren’t I? Sorry about that. I guess I should back
up a bit...

Okay, here goes. The whole ‘going for coffee’ thing actually went pretty
well. It’s kind of funny, Spike and Riley are becoming friends... or at
least it seems like they are. I wonder what would happen if Riley found out
Spike’s a vampire? I have to admit, I do feel a little guilty about
deceiving Riley. I mean, he doesn’t know about me being a witch or Buffy
being the Slayer... it just seems a little unfair. Of course, he could be
keeping secrets from us, too... yeah, right.

Wow... that was a bit off topic, wasn’t it? Sorry about that. Anyway,
coffee was cool... Spike and Riley talked about basketball. I had no idea
Spike was a basketball fan; I guess that old cliché about learning something
new everyday is true. At least this new thing isn’t evil... well, not
really, anyway. Although Dennis Rodman does kind of creep me out... I think
he’s retired now, though.

Anyway, Spike was hopped up on mochas (I admit it, we should have cut him
off after three; he’ll probably be bouncing off the walls for a week), so we
decided to let him take Buffy’s patrol. Trust me, the guy had major excess
energy to work off, and he was kind of freaking me out. Which kind of
pissed me off. I’d had great plans of doing
naughty things to Spike, but no, he had to go drink way too much caffeine
and screw it all up... hmphh. Oh, well. Nothing I can do about it now.

Anyway, after saying goodbye to Riley and sending Spike off to wreak some
havoc on the undead, Buffy and I decided to go back to the dorm room and
have some girl time: talk, watch movies... you know, all that stuff we
rarely get to do because we’re too busy saving the world.

That’s when it happened.

Gosh, that certainly sounds ominous, doesn’t it? It’s not, like, a < bad >
thing... it’s just surprising... and confusing. Very confusing.

Buffy and I were watching some cheesy eighties film... I don’t even remember
what is was. It had some Brat Pack members in it... you know who I mean...
Judd Nelson, Molly Ringwald, and a bunch of other people who no longer have
careers. Okay, moving on now... well, Buffy and I were watching the moving
and talking at the same time, mostly to make fun of what was going on
onscreen. The basic plot of the movie was some rich girl having to choose
between two guys: a rich guy and a poor guy. Really creative storyline,
huh? Well, Buffy and I were doing the ‘poor little rich girl’ routine: how
awful for her to have to choose between two guys...sigh. I ended up
laughingly mentioning how Buffy had gone through the same dilemma back when
Xander’d had a crush on her and she chose Angel instead. I asked her how
that felt... to know that there were two attractive guys that wanted you...
and Buffy made some comment under her breath... ‘you should know,’ or
something to that effect. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell you what
she said with any certainty; my mind froze and I kind of went into shock
when she said it. At first I thought she was talking about that whole
Oz/Xander debacle during senior year, but the look on her face told me
differently. Bringing up Oz and Xander would not cause Buffy to get that
whole ‘deer in the headlights’ look. No, it had to be something else.
After a few minutes of hemming and hawing and giving me that ‘I’m pathetic
so please be nice to me’ look she has, I finally got it out of her: Angel
has a thing for me.

I laughed in her face.

After I calmed down, I took a good look at Buffy’s face, and then I just
knew. This wasn’t a joke or a game. This was true. I felt suddenly guilty
- I had just laughed at Angel’s feelings. I hadn’t meant to; I just never
thought Angel could ever have feelings for me. Of course, I would have
never thought that Spike could fall for me, either. Yet here we are, a
couple.

I love Spike. I never would have believed I’d end up saying those three
little words. It feels nice, though. I think I’ll say it again. I love
Spike... has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

But what about Angel? Buffy told me why she thinks Angel has a thing for
me... and, well, I didn’t really buy it at first. I knew that Angel had
been acting kind of different lately, but I just chalked it up to weirdness
about Buffy dating Riley. Then Buffy dropped the bombshell. Xander had
told her that Angel had admitted that he had feelings for me. I never would
have suspected... God, I hate being clueless. I guess I was just too
wrapped up in my relationship with Spike to even notice. I mean, who would
pay attention to the outside world if they had Spike? He’s so funny... and
good Lord, is that man gorgeous or what? Those beautiful eyes, those
fabulous cheekbones, not to mention that amazing butt.

Then there’s Angel. He’s pretty great, too. Face it, he’s a total hottie.
Eyes, face, hair, body... he’s pretty much the whole package. He’s really
sweet, too. Not exactly Humor Guy, though. I don’t want to hurt him, but I
don’t want to risk what I have with Spike, either. Why is it that when
everything is going just right, something comes in and just completely
throws you for a loop? Okay, so this is a lot better than the usual thing
that comes along... the ‘usual thing’ generally involves impending doom.
Having the affection of two amazing men - who just happen to be vampires
(there is no such thing as absolute perfection...) - isn’t exactly the end
of the world.

The only question is... who do I choose?

The End

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