He shouldn’t have come here.

I don’t say that to be harsh or cruel. It’s simply the truth.

Spike should have never left Sunnydale.

< It’s taken much too long
To get it right >

I could wring his neck for leaving Willow like that, but I know he did what
he thought was right. I’ve been in much the same shoes as Spike is right
now. There are several differences, though. For one, Spike can’t lose his
soul if Willow makes him happy. He has no soul to lose.

Which is what makes the depth of his love for Willow so amazing.

< Would it be so wrong
To maybe find someone
A miracle >

Most demons aren’t capable of true love. Spike never was like other demons,
though. I mean, he loved Drusilla so much it hurt. But that is nothing
compared to the depth of emotion he obviously feels for Willow. He needs
her.

He needs to go back to her.

Maybe I am a hypocrite, saying Spike should do one thing when I did the
complete opposite, but Spike was always my favorite childe, and I hate to
see him so unhappy.

Willow would make him happy.

< And all you really need
Is everything you could never be >

She is his opposite. She is everything pure and innocent in this world, and
he is a demon that has always been out to destroy such innocence. And now
he’s left her in order to protect that innocence.

He changed. He once told me that demons don’t change, but he was wrong. He
has truly changed.

He changed because of Willow.

< Is there a trace
Inside her face
Of a lonely miracle >

He stares at her picture. It’s ripped along the edges and stained with
watermarks from his tears, but he still stares at it for hours at a time.
I’m trying to find him a new one, but I’m not sure how he’d react to that.
I’m afraid he would just leave me, and then there would be no one to watch
over him until he gets over Willow.

I’m not sure he’ll ever get over her.

< And so you wait
And lie awake
For a lonely miracle >

I hear him at night. He dreams of her. And I don’t mean that in some sick,
perverted fashion. I think these dreams are why he left, or at least part
of the reason.

He cries her name out, terrified, begging her not to leave him.

Begging her not to die.

< You never really know
What it is >

I’m not sure what the dreams mean. Is he with her in these dreams? Are
they dating in them? Is she killed because she is involved with him? Does
she die because he was unable to save her from some unforeseen danger?

Or does he kill her himself?

< Not until it goes
And if it comes again
It’s a miracle >

He won’t discuss the dreams. I’ve tried to bring them up, but he simply
looks at me with fear in his eyes. I don’t have the guts to press him about
them. I just wish he would open up and tell me. If he did, maybe I could
help him.

And then it would be a lot easier to get Willow and Spike back together.

< But what you miss is love
And everything below and up above >

I talked to Xander the other day. An actual conversation, no yelling or
taunting involved. He’s worried about Willow. He says she’s a mess, too.
Worse than when Oz left. He said she misses Spike more than anything he’s
ever seen.

Worse than Buffy ever missed me.

< And could she bring it all
A miracle >

We want to try to get them together. I never thought I’d be plotting with
Xander, but this calls for me to pull out all the stops. I can’t stand it
when two people I care about are in so much pain. Whoever thought that
Angelus, the scourge of Europe, would be playing
matchmaker for his childe and a redheaded witch. Of course, I don’t think
it will be too difficult, as long as Xander can get Willow to LA.

I don’t think either one will have the strength to stay apart once they see
each other again.

< Is there a trace
Inside her face
Of a lonely miracle >

I can hear him crying as I sit here; great, wrenching sobs. It tears at my
heart. I don’t know what to do, what to say.

Spike was never a crier. Maybe a few times when he was drunk and getting a
bit maudlin, and I’ve been told he cried over Drusilla, but I’m sure it was
nothing like this.

I’ve never heard anyone in so much pain.

< And so you wait
And lie awake
For a lonely miracle >

I’ve taken to praying again. I highly doubt that the Higher Power answer
prayers made by a vampire, but I’m willing to try anything. I keep praying
that Xander will succeed, and Willow will come walking through the office
door, and then... BAM!... all will be well again.

Yes, I realize I’ve been reduced to wishful thinking.

< All you wanted was a (miracle)
All you needed was a miracle
A miracle >

I can picture them as a couple. Both so pale, with such shocking hair. His
nearly white, hers bright red. They must have been so striking together.

So utterly beautiful.

< All you wanted was a (miracle)
All you needed was a miracle
A miracle >

They have to get back together. Xander told me how Spike was with her.
Calm, at peace, completely in love. He tried to do what was right.

Willow was his miracle. She was everything he needed.

She still is.

< It’s taken so long to get it right
Could it be so wrong >

It’s taken Spike one hundred and twenty-six years to find the one for him.
And now he’s run from her. I don’t know how to convince him he was wrong to
go. If I were to bring it up, he’d just throw my relationship with Buffy
right back in my face.

I don’t know how to explain the difference between the two to him.

I don’t think he’d believe me.

< To maybe find someone
A miracle >

He found the right person. Willow is Spike’s other half, of that I am
certain. I can’t say that about Buffy and myself. She was my forbidden
half, and we only brought out the worst in each other. We were all about
pain.

Spike and Willow were all about love.

< Is there a trace
Inside her face
Of a lonely miracle >

And they could be again, if Spike would release his stupid honorable
intentions and just go after what he wants.

What he needs.

He needs Willow. His miracle.

< And so you wait
And lie awake
For a lonely miracle >

Now if only I could get that miracle to come to LA.

The End

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