*~*~*~*~
Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort
*~*~*~*~
*~ They didn't care. I just as much told them I was going to kill myself, and they said, 'That's nice, Will..', and left to do whatever it was they did. So, I left. I left without saying good-bye to anyone and went home. Well, the house I'd lived my whole life. It never had been a home. Just a house where I lived.
*~*~*~*~
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
*~*~*~*~
*~ I step into my room and look around at everything I still had lying
around. It was a nice room, decorated just the way I liked it, fluffy and
pink. There
weren't many of my clothes still here, most of it was at the dorm,
along with a lot of my personal belongings. There were still *some* clothes
there for the odd occasion I wanted to spend the night away from the dorms.
I grab a pair of black boxer-shorts, a black tank, and clean underwear,
also black. Black fit what I was doing to do, and I like the irony of it.
*~*~*~*~
Do you even care if I die bleeding
Would it be wrong, would it be right
If I took my life tonight,
Chances are I might
*~*~*~*~
*~ I step into the bathroom and start the bathwater. I wasn't going
to do it in the bathtub. No, I wanted more dignity than that. When they
found me, I wouldn't
be naked in the tub. I was going to be lying on my bed, surrounded
by pillows, my wrists crossed across my stomach as the blood pours across
my skin. I like
the symbolism of it.
*~ I pour scented bath-oil into the steaming water and step into it, my breath hissing out in a sigh as the near-scalding water enclosed my cold body.
*~*~*~*~
Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide
*~*~*~*~
*~ I take my time with my bath, waiting until the water is cool before
getting out. I dry off slowly, my actions almost automatic. I sprinkle
the bath powder
across my still moist skin and then pull my clothes on. I leave the
steamy warmth of my bathroom and go into my bedroom, stopping at my dresser
to pull my
witch's athame out of the top drawer.
*~*~*~*~
'Cause I'm losing my sight,
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's all right
Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
*~*~*~*~
*~ If someone would come by and tell me they needed me, and meant it, I wouldn't even attempt it. But this has been coming for a while now. And no one has seen it yet. I sit down on the edge of my bed and look at the gleaming silver of my destruction. Tears roll down my face, only a few of many I've cried.
*~*~*~*~
I never realized I was stretched too thin
Till it was too late and I was empty within
Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin
Downward spiral, where do I begin
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself and no love for another
Searching to find a love upon a higher level
Finding nothing but QUESTIONS AND DEVILS
*~*~*~*~
*~ I couldn't tell you when I started feeling this way- like I wanted to end it all. I guess it started when Tara left, kind of an emptiness nothing could fill. I started losing myself in the magick. It started out so simple, so innocent. It was a way to fill the void, to just let go and let the magick take over.
*~ It started out small, then grew into something that controlled *me*, not the other way around. It started to control all of my actions, making me do things that I would never have even imagined I could do on my wildest days. Now, it comes crashing down. I rest the silver blade on the tender flesh of my wrist...
*~*~*~*~
'Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's all right
Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I can't go on this way
*~*~*~*~
*~ And bring it up and across, a gasp escaping my lips as the sharp pain hits. I bite my lip as tears flow, unbidden down my cheeks. I reach over and repeat the motion with the other wrist. I smile softly through the pain, it was done. I lay back on my bed and wait for the darkness I can *feel* coming just like I can feel the sun fall over the edge of the mountains.
*~*~*~*~
Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding
Would it be wrong, would it be right
If I took my life tonight,
Chances are I might
Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide
*~*~*~*~
*~ Night fell, and with it my death. I watch from above the scene, detached
as the last of the breath escapes from my lungs. A loud pounding from the
French
doors leading to my balcony makes me shift my attention to the frantic
blonde. I felt nothing as he shatters the lock and a few window panes to
run in to the
rescue. Sobbing, he takes in the scene, his slender, handsome face
shifting with the depth of emotion I'd only glimpsed but never seen directed
toward me. I
can only watch as he gathers the shell of what I used to be into his
arms and holds it close, murmuring words I can hear only too clearly.
*~ "Why'd you do it, luv," he whispers brokenly. "I loved you so much...
So much..." There are no tears for me to cry as I slowly fade into nothingness,
the
last thing I see is Spike holding my body so tightly, his face pained
as he howls his grief to the night. There is no one left to hear him as
everything goes
gray, then black.
*~*~*~*~
I've reached my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
*~*~*~*~
read the sequal 'When the Rage Subsides'