Parts: 11 - 20
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~Part: 11~
Willow followed Victoria quietly through the house, admiring her surroundings. The house was beautiful. It was a mix between gothic and modern, obviously from both of their tastes. "Your home is beautiful," she told Victoria.
"Thank you, my dear. Let's go out to the garden, shall we?"
"Ok," Willow said quietly. She kept in step with Victoria and noticed that once they stepped outside, they slowed down.
Victoria turned towards Willow and gave her a comforting smile. "Do you love, William?"
"Spike? Goddess, no! We're just friends."
"Friends," Victoria repeated as if she had never heard the word before. "Do you care for him?"
"Well, I don't want him dusty if that's what you mean."
"Why exactly did you come here? What did you want to know?"
Willow suddenly became very nervous. "I.I hope I didn't offend you in any way. I just wanted to see a human that was bonded with a vampire."
"What is it you wanted to see?"
"Is it.I mean do you constantly feel his presence? Do you know what he feels? And if you do, is because of the bond? Is it."
"Willow, please breath."
"Sorry," she mumbled.
"From what I know, it is different with each vampire and the human they choose to bond to. You will be linked, but you are also separate." Victoria stopped walking and turned to her. "If you choose to do this.if you choose to become bonded to William, you must care for him. Even perhaps love him."
"I don't understand. It can be undone, right?"
"Not that I know of. But perhaps there is a spell that can undo it. If there's not, are you prepared to spend an eternity with him?"
Willow did a double take at her words. "Eternity? No, there's no eternity. There's."
"The bonding spell will link your lives. You will age for five more years. After that, you will not get old. You will not die. You will have eternal life and you WILL belong to the vampire that has claimed you. You will belong to William." Seeing the look on her face she continued. "I'm guessing that the Watcher you know didn't inform you of any of this?"
"No," she whispered. "I didn't know any of this. Um.shouldn't we get back inside?"
"If that what you wish. Follow me." Victoria led her back into the house and back to the living room.
~~~*~~~
"What are you so scared of, Spike?"
"Not scared of anything. Why is it so bloody hard to believe that I'm friends with Willow?"
"Because. You're. Not. I knew you when you ran with Angelus. A human like that is just a meal."
Spike morphed at his words and advanced on Gabriel. "Don't speak of her that way," he seethed.
"Maybe you're waiting but other vampire's won't. She smells of innocence, of power."
"Nothin' is gonna harm the chit."
Gabriel took a step towards Spike. "Would you die for her?" When Gabriel didn't hear a response but saw the words in his eyes he continued. "You're not friends."
It was at this moment, Victoria and Willow entered the room.
~~~*~~~
Victoria saw William vamped and Gabriel's demon practically clawing to the top. "You boys have fun?"
They both turned around and Spike melted back to his human features. He saw Willow watching him carefully. She seemed even more on edge now than she was before. "Red?"
Willow kept her distance from Spike and then glanced at Gabriel. Suddenly she didn't want to be there anymore. Spike could sense her emotions. She was nervous. It was rolling off of her in waves. "Did you have fun, pet?"
"The house is very pretty."
Spike quickly made his way to her side but frowned when her body tensed up as he lightly touched her arm. His eyes blazed golden. She didn't even want to be near him.
"Spike, can we leave?"
"Yeah, luv. I was just about to mention it myself. Victoria.Gabriel.always a pleasure. I'll keep in touch."
"Thank you.both of you.for everything."
~~~*~~~
Spike had been driving down the road for about ten minutes, his anger and frustration rising. Every time he glanced at the redhead beside him, she was staring out the window or down at the floor. She was looking everywhere but at him. He gripped the steering wheel tighter, his knuckles turning white. "Well?" he prompted.
Willow turned to look at him for the first time since she had gotten into the car. "Well what?"
Not giving him a forward answer fueled his anger even more. He wasn't even sure what he was angry about. Spike made a decision and swerved the car off the road and shut the engine off. "You.you can.argh."
"Spike? What the hell? What's going on?"
"I want to know. I want to know what Gabriel said to you in the kitchen. You came back and you were.you were different. You wouldn't even get near me."
"And that would bother you, why?"
"Why? Why?"
"I'm just a human, Spike. You've even tried to kill me on several occasions."
"Things are different now."
"Why? Why are things different?"
"I don't bloody well know." Spike turned his head and looked out the window. "Fuck," he breathed.
Willow tried to study his face to figure out what was going through his mind. "Spike?"
He quickly started up the car. "We got a bit of a problem, pet."
"What's the problem?"
Pressing down on the gas, he concentrated out the window. "In less than ten minutes, it'll be sunrise. I need to get inside."
"Just hide in the back and I'll drive."
"I don't think so. There is no way in hell I'm gonna let you drive my car. We just need to find a motel or something."
"I'm not staying with you in a motel! We're supposed to be going home."
"Afraid you won't be able to control yourself, Red," he smirked. His smirk soon turned to a frown when she turned away from him and looked out the window again. "You ok?" he asked seriously.
"Just great," she sarcastically remarked.
Seeing the sign, he quickly turned into the parking lot and pulled a credit card out of his pocket. "Be back in a sec."
Willow watched him disappear into the office and slumped her head against the seat. She didn't know what was going on. She couldn't forget everything that Gabriel and Victoria had told her but that wasn't what was specifically on her mind. She started to think about the last couple days. She wondered why she went to him. Why she felt like something wasn't missing when she was with him and it was driving her crazy. Suddenly, she heard a knock on the window and pulled herself out of her thoughts. She quickly got out of the car and joined Spike, entering the hotel room just as the sun started to rise.
Willow glanced around the room. It was standard. Bathroom. TV. Bed. She let her eyes gaze on the bed for a moment before looking up at Spike.
He arched his eyebrow and studied her. "What'cha thinking about?"
"Nothing."
"Right. Well we're stuck here for the day. Might as well get comfortable, luv." Spike kicked off his boots and duster, dropping them to the ground. He waited for her to say something but obviously she was practicing being silent. He reached to pull off his shirt, when she spoke up.
"What do you think you're doing?" she screeched.
"Getting comfortable."
"How about you get comfortable with your clothes on?"
"But luv," he started as he took a step towards her. "Without clothes leads to all sorts of possibilities."
~Part: 12~
"I don't want to know about your.possibilities." Willow started to blush as she spoke.
Spike started to smirk at her uneasiness. <She knows I'm just playing, right?> "But, pet." he purred.
"Bed," she squeaked.
"My thoughts exactly," he told her.
Willow turned her head quickly as her eyes widened. "NO! I mean sleep.sleep is good."
Spike shrugged his shoulders. "If that's what you want. I'm gonna take a shower.unless you'd like to join me?"
Her mouth instantly became dry. "Join you?" she whispered. Quickly, Willow shook her head no. "I'm just gonna--"
"--sleep. Suit yourself." Without another word Spike walked into the bathroom and shut the door.
Willow climbed into the bed and laid on her side, away from the door. <All I have to do is sleep. It'll be time for us to go home soon. How hard can that be?>
Spike shed his clothes and stepped under the warm spray. Feeling the water glide down his body, he placed his palms flat against the wall and let his mind drift. It drifted to her. <We were just playing, right?> After quickly washing his body, he stepped out of the shower and dried his hair. Pulling on a pair of jeans, he decided they should talk.
He glanced at her body on the bed. She was turned away from him but he knew she was awake. He noticed her breathing was irregular. <The chit's mind is probably in overdrive.> He crawled on the bed next to her and laid down. Spike decided to act innocent. "Luv.are you awake? I think we need to talk," he whispered.
Willow closed her eyes for a few seconds before she opened them again, staring at the wall. In the back of her mind, part of her just wanted to ignore him. To not listen to him. And the other part, a very far far far part, wanted to have a possible chance to get lost in him. <What are you thinking? This is Spike! Evil Spike! Evil vampire Spike!>
"I know you're awake," he told her softly. Bringing his hand up, he drifted his fingers through her hair. "I won't be ignored," he growled.
Willow turned over, facing him, her eyes flashing brightly. "Don't growl at me. Why do you do that? You did the same thing in the car."
"I did what in the car?"
"You feel like you have to be in control. You're possessive. Well listen here vampire, I'm not yours to get possessive about!"
Spike wasn't sure how he felt about her last comment. He didn't know why he felt he needed to be possessive of her. He just did. Choosing to ignore her comments, he continued. "What did Gabriel say to you?"
Willow rolled and laid on her back instead of her side. "Doesn't matter," she mumbled.
Spike's eyes flashed golden at her defiance to him. He pushed himself up and hovered partly over her. "It matters. This isn't a game!" When she refused to answer, he resorted back to growling. "Tell me."
Willow sat up quickly and pushed him away from her. "Don't.growl.at.me!"
"Answer the bloody question then."
"All he told me was that if you chose to do the bond, it wouldn't be because of the demon. He told me you did things because you wanted to do them."
"And that made you pull away from me?"
"It just got me thinking. That's all. Happy?" she seethed.
"Not really."
"So what did he tell you?"
"What are you talking about?"
"When Victoria and I came back, you both looked like you were ready to attack each other. What did he say to you?"
"Doesn't matter," he mumbled.
"Oh, I see. I had to tell you, but you're just gonna stay quiet."
"Fine. You wanna know? I told him me and you were friends and he told me we weren't. He reminded me that I have lovers and enemies, but not friends. He's right. I'm the Big Bad. I don't need friends. Especially not human chits."
Willow felt as if her insides had just been all twisted. "Oh," she replied softly. <If we're not friends and we're definitely not lovers, where does that leave us? Are we enemies?> "I think we should just go to sleep." Willow turned away from him and laid back down on her side, trying to hold the tears back.
With that one comment, he saw the spark in her eyes dwindle away. He had caused that. And his comment wasn't even the truth. He lay back down on the bed with her and circled his arm around her waist. As he pulled her closer to him, he swept the hair away from the side of her face. "He was right, pet, except for you. I don't have friends except for you. You're my exception." He knew she was listening but she still wasn't saying anything. "I just wanted you to know."
After about ten minutes passed, Willow turned around to face Spike. His eyes bore into hers. "You never asked me what Victoria said to me."
"You weren't exactly talkative, Red."
"I don't want to live for eternity, Spike."
"What are you talking about? I'm not going to turn you."
"The bond.the spell.if Giles can't reverse, she told me I will age for five more years. After that it's eternity.with you."
"With me?"
"She said that I would belong to you 'cause you're the one that would've claimed me."
He didn't even think about the eternity part.<Eternity with the witch. Wonder what it would be like. If it wasn't for the chip, I would have already of turned the chit. She'd already be mine. Wonder what she really thinks about eternity.> "You know, pet. The Watcher is pretty good about the spells. If he says he knows someone that can reverse it, he probably does."
"You're over a century old, right?"
"Yeah."
"Have you ever heard of it being reversed? Has Gabriel?"
"No. Not to our knowledge. Gabriel knew someone that tried but it didn't work."
"What happened to."
"The girl?" He watched as she shook her head yes. "The vampire killed her instead." Willow's body froze in fear. <Not the thing to say, mate.> Spike started rubbing circles on her back. "Sshh. I'm not gonna kill you, luv. You're safe with me. I wouldn't let anything happen to you." When he felt her start to calm down, he spoke again. "Try and get some rest. We'll leave as soon as the sun goes down."
"Yeah," she said softly. Willow closed her eyes and willed herself to go to sleep.
~~~*~~~
Willow opened her eyes after an hour of trying to fall asleep. She just wasn't tired. There were too many things floating around her mind. She glanced at Spike and saw his eyes were closed. <Maybe he's asleep. How would I know? He doesn't breathe.> Taking a deep breath, she maneuvered her body away from his and climbed out of bed. Glancing around the room, she headed towards the bathroom. She just needed some alone time. Flipping on the light, she slid down the wall and curled her knees up to her chest, letting the memories of the last twenty-four hours wash over her.
Spike felt her leave the bed and figured she headed to the bathroom. Only problem with that was he didn't hear any other movement. Opening his eyes, he kicked off the covers and climbed out of bed. He wanted to know what was going on.
He reached the bathroom door, which was open, and saw the girl sitting on the floor with her back against the wall. <She's deep in thought. Didn't even hear me approach.> "Red? You ok?"
Willow looked up quickly. "I'm.uh.I didn't want to wake you."
"Wasn't really sleeping," he admitted.
"I was just.thinking."
"You wanna come back to bed and tell me what you were thinking about?" He held out his hand for her to grab it. "You can't just stay in the bathroom, luv."
Willow grabbed his hand and allowed him to pull her up and into his arms. "Hey," he told her softly.
"Hey."
Spike tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, fighting back the urge to kiss her. <Not what you should be thinking about, mate.> He guided her to the bed and they both sat down. "Are you ok?"
Willow faced him. "No, I'm not ok. I have all these people telling me different things. I have no idea what to do. I'm so afraid I'm gonna disappoint or hurt someone."
"Who would you disappoint, pet?"
"Well.well, you."
"Me?"
She looked down at her lap. "I just don't want to make you mad at me. Then I started wondering why I care about that and why I was coming to you in the middle of the night and I don't know that either. That only made me more confused. And I just don't."
"Willow, stop." He saw her head come up at his words. "Don't worry about me. You can't make me mad and you can't disappoint me. As for why you came to me in the middle of the night.I don't know. I could guess, but chances are I'd be wrong. Sometimes things just are. If you're thinking about the spell, ask yourself this question. What do you WANT to do?"
"Well Giles."
"Forget him. Forget your friends. Forget me. What do you want to do?"
"I don't know," she whimpered. "I hate this. I don't know what to do. I have so many questions. If I don't do it, what happens with the demon? Will it kill us all? If I do do it, then what? We have a week to get to know each other. And in a way no one really knows me. Even you. Everybody expects me to be one way so I am. If I do the spell, what happens if it can't be reversed? How will everyone feel about it? What will you think about it? What."
The more she babbled on, the more his resistance was failing. Catching her mid-question, he pressed his lips to hers swallowing her words. When she didn't protest, he glided his fingers through her hair, keeping her head still as he deepened the kiss. She tasted of fire. As he pulled away, her words broke him out of his haze.
"What the hell were you thinking, Spike?" Willow questioned him as she jumped off the bed.
~Part: 13~
"What the hell were you thinking, Spike?" Willow questioned him as she jumped off the bed.
Confusion clearly written all over his face, he climbed out of the bed and stared at her. "What was I thinking? I was thinking I wanted to kiss you."
"You can't do that anymore. You just can't."
"Why the hell not? No one knows where we are." He took a couple steps towards her. "We can do anything we want."
"I don't want.not with you."
"Is that so? Pet, we kissed.again."
"I didn't want that. I didn't even ask for it."
"You weren't pushing me away either," he stated.
"I was.shocked and.surprised and.shocked!"
"You kissed me back."
"Bad judgment call," she mumbled.
Spike was confused with himself. He was a vampire. She was a human. He didn't know why he kissed her. He didn't know why he wanted to. He knew she had a fire about her, but was it strong enough for him? "You know what I think, luv?"
"Do I care?"
He started advancing towards her, smirking when she started walking backwards and her back hit the wall. Placing both of his palms against the wall on either side of her face, he blocked her in. "I think you care a hell of a lot. And I think you protest a bit too much."
Willow was angry and a bit scared. "Meaning?"
Spike took a step back, his arms at his sides. "Meaning maybe there's something more."
"Something more?"
"Something between us."
"The only thing between us is whatever you've conjured in your head, Spike."
"That so? The kisses, you coming to the crypt...Was that all conjured in my head too?" he spat out.
"I want to leave," she said softly.
"The sun would probably disagree with you on that one. At least it would disagree with me. I told you as soon as the sun goes down, we'll leave." Spike turned around and started walking towards the bed. When he realized she wasn't following, he stopped. "Come back to bed, luv."
Willow watched him walk away. She couldn't seem to forget about his 'something more' comment. She wasn't sure that she actually wanted to forget about it. Hearing his request, she followed behind him; making her way back to the bed.
Willow watched Spike climb into bed. She knew that his comment wasn't a mere request, but a command. And much to her surprise, she didn't mind following it. She saw him lying on his back, one arm propped behind his head while the other one was stretched out across her pillow. Willow crawled into bed and without a word Spike curled his arm around her body and pulled her closer to him. This time she didn't protest against his actions.
Spike laid his cheek against the top of her head. It felt good to have her in his arms. It felt right.
"Spike?" she whispered.
He raised his head up from hers. "Yeah, luv."
"You didn't really want to be bound to me, did you?" She waited for his answer but heard nothing. "Spike?" she called out softly.
Spike saw her looking up at him as he started drifting his fingers through her hair. "Wouldn't mind it."
"What?"
"Wouldn't mind being bound to you." He saw her quickly look away.
"What if.what if it can't be reversed?"
"Would it be so bad, luv? If it wasn't for this bloody chip, you'd already be mine." As he heard her heartbeat speed up, Spike closed his eyes and listened to the rush of her blood.
Willow relaxed her body against his, looking up into his eyes. "Tell me something," she pleaded.
"What do you want me to tell you?"
"Something. Something about you. Maybe about an event after you were turned or when you were human. Something I can't read in a book."
"Kinda personal, ain't it?"
"I just.I just thought."
"Sshh, luv. I never said I wouldn't answer it. Let's see." Spike tightened his hold on her as he started telling her the memory. "As a human.I was a good man, pet. A gentleman."
The thought of Spike as a human brought a smile to her face. "Did you court someone?" she asked playfully. When she saw his face _expression, her smile fell.
"I fancied someone but she didn't reciprocate my feelings. Told me I was beneath her."
Willow felt her heart break at his words. She could practically feel the emotions from his distant past. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up bad memories."
"That was a long time ago, luv. Besides my life changed that night. It was the night I was turned."
"Oh," she said softly.
"After I was turned, the demon retained part of the human I was. Most demons don't care. They fancy death and destruction. Not only did I thrive on the violence.I have a capacity to care.to love someone. It just takes the right girl." He pushed the hair away from her face. "Get some sleep, luv. We'll leave at sundown."
Closing their eyes, they both fell asleep. Their thoughts wrapped up in each other.
~Part: 14~
Spike opened his eyes sensing sundown was soon. He looked down and saw Willow still nuzzled into his chest. He didn't understand the recent draw to her nor did he want to. It was nice to have something that just is. He ran his hands over her arms once; savoring the feel of her warm flesh under is touch. When he felt her stir, he spoke up. "It's almost sundown, luv. Time to get you back to the Watcher's before they decide to bloody well stake me."
"Getting up," she whispered as she lay still against his body.
"You actually have to leave the bed. Besides, the sooner we get out of here, the sooner you can get rid of me." The last comment was made solely for his protection. He wasn't sure he wanted her to know how much it meant to him when they were together. Spike also wanted to know what she would say.
"Yeah," Willow whispered, her feelings hurt. She almost felt like she was being rejected again. "I guess we should get going then."
Spike climbed out of the bed and grabbed his duster and boots. "I'm gonna go check us out. Meet you at the car in ten minutes." Without another word from either one of then, he walked out of the room.
Willow watched him walk out the door. She felt different when he wasn't there with her. She felt like something was missing. Gathering the few items she had in the room, Willow made her way out to his car.
The short car trip was made in complete silence. Spike kept his eyes on the road while Willow stared out her window. Pulling up in front of the Watcher's flat, he turned off the engine and waited for one of then to speak up.
The silence echoed through the car. It wasn't a comfortable silence. It was a 'this in so unnerving, what's going on?' kind of silence. When he saw her reach for the door handle, he caught her wrist with his hand. "Wait."
Willow quickly snapped her head to look at him. "What for?"
"I just wanted."
"Maybe I don't care about what you want!"
"Huh? What the bloody hell are you talking about?"
"I can't believe you thought I wanted to get rid of you." She paused for a moment before whispering. "I didn't want that. I didn't want to get rid of you." Willow climbed out of the car and started walking up to the house, leaving behind a very shocked Spike.
Spike was more than a bit surprised at her confession. He just expected she'd be dying, not literally of course, to get away from him. He should've known that she wasn't like the rest of the lot. He should have known that when she started coming to his crypt. Snapping out of his thoughts, he shut the car door with all intent on finding Willow.
~~~*~~~
"Buffy, he didn't hurt me," Willow told her.
"He's a vampire."
At this point Spike walked into Giles' flat, listening to the two girls.
"So?" Willow said. "So what? He's a vampire."
"I don't want you around him."
"That's too bad, isn't it? You can't kill this demon, Buffy. Spike and I may be the only ones to hurt it."
"You are so not being bound to him."
"That's also not your decision. It's mine."
"But he doesn't even have a soul."
Buffy was testing her patience. "Thank the goddess for that! If he did, he wouldn't be the same. He'd be all.brooding!"
"That's bloody well not gonna happen," Spike spoke up. "A bloody soul," he mumbled.
Buffy turned to face him. "I should dust you."
"Do it then," he challenged.
"You're not worth my time. You're just a helpless, defenseless thing. You're nothing."
His demon screamed to be let loose and to kill the Slayer NOW! He waited to see if Willow would come to his defense but she never did. Spike looked up and glared at Willow. "Guess I'll be leaving then. I won't stay where I'm not wanted," he seethed.
~Part: 15~
Willow immediately felt guilty, watching the front door slam shut. She wanted to stand up for him but figured he would just give her the brush off. She turned to Buffy. "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?"
"What? You mean Spike? I meant what I said. So what? It's just Spike." When Willow didn't say anything she continued. "Whatever. I'm going to patrol. I need to kill something."
Willow was relieved that Buffy left. Then she heard Giles.
"Well I for one am glad to see you both back, although I see Spike has left again."
"Yeah, Buffy."
"I heard, Willow."
"Oh."
"So, why don't you tell me about your visit. Did you find out anything useful?"
"Yes and no. I mean they were like any other couple in love. Devoted to each other. They did tell me the better I know Spike, the stronger the bond will be."
"We already knew that! That's it?"
"No that's not it! Are you aware that you could possibly be subjecting me to eternity?"
"How is that possible?"
"If your friend can't reverse the ritual, I live for eternity.with Spike. I'll age for five more years and then yep.eternity." Willow didn't bother on telling him that neither Spike nor Gabriel knew of a way to reverse it.
"We won't have to worry about that. You still don't know, though, do you?"
"Know?"
"Your choice to be bound to him or not."
"I don't know. You need an answer soon, huh?"
"Very soon."
"Well, I guess I should get going."
"I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Yeah, tomorrow."
~~~*~~~
Later that night, Willow changed into a t-shirt and a pair of boxer shorts and climbed into bed. She willed herself to go to sleep but was unsuccessful. She missed Spike and didn't even know why.
Spike paced his crypt. He missed her. How could he miss a bloody human? He was a vampire, a master. She should need him, not the other way around. He knew what he had to do. Grabbing his duster, he left the crypt.
About ten minutes later, he found himself standing outside the front of her house. Taking an unneeded breath, he quietly pushed open the front door and made his way to her room.
Her door was already open as he glanced inside her bedroom. She was lying on the bed but not asleep. He softly knocked on the door. "Red?"
Willow's head popped up quickly when she heard the knocking and the voice. "Spike?" She watched as he took a couple steps towards her and then stopped. "What are you doing here.in my bedroom.in the middle of the night?"
"Well.remember when you came to the crypt and just wanted me to hold you?"
"Yeah," she replied softly.
"Well.can I stay the night? I just want to hold you. My crypt doesn't feel the same without you there. Let me stay?"
Willow was pleased that he came to her. "Yeah, of course." As he shed his duster and kicked off his boots, Willow covered her window. When she turned back to face the bed, Spike had already lay down, waiting for her to join him.
When he felt her warm body against his, he immediately wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Inhaling her scent, he closed his eyes for a moment. "This feels."
"Right," she finished.
"Yeah, luv. It does."
"Why do you think we do this, Spike? Why do we go to each other?"
"Don't know. Maybe it's fate trying to tell us something."
"Do you even believe in fate?"
"Sometimes."
"I wanted to come to you tonight, to see you."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Willow couldn't express in words how much it meant to her when they were together. And Spike wouldn't tell her how their time together made him feel wanted and needed.
He felt her lay her head on his chest and her arms circle around his body. "Get some sleep, luv," he whispered before they fell into a content sleep.
~Part: 16~
When Willow woke up she could feel Spike's fingers dancing across her arms. His touch felt nice against her skin. Cool against warmth. She knew she had to make a decision soon and possibly change her fate.
Taking a chance, she glanced up and saw Spike's eyes fixated on the wall. He had almost a frown on his face. Willow knew he was thinking. Glancing away she decided to speak up. "Spike?"
"Hmm."
"How long have you been awake?"
"A bit."
"What.um.what are you thinking about?"
"It's still early, pet. Why don't you try and get some more sleep."
"Not sleepy."
"I hate the Slayer, but maybe the bitch was right. It's what I was thinking about."
Willow wrinkled her nose in confusion and lifted her head to look at him. "What are you talking about?"
"Maybe I am nothing," he said refusing to meet her eyes.
"You can't actually believe that!"
"I haven't been a man, a human, in over a century."
"Spike."
Ignoring her, he continued. "With this chip, I'm not exactly much of a demon anymore either."
As Willow listened to him, she realized he actually believed what he was saying. She knew that there was nothing she could say that would make a difference. Nothing that would convince him otherwise. Taking a deep breath, she knew what she had to do. Leaning forward she pressed her lips against his.
After the initial shock wore off, Spike opened his mouth, deepening their kiss. As he felt her try to pull away, he let out a low warning growl and held her head to his.
After a few moments of hesitation, Willow gave in to him. She quit trying to pull away and just enjoyed it. The way he tasted. His scent. Willow tried to put all of her emotions into that one kiss. She lost herself in him. Concentrating solely on the kiss, she never felt his hands slide down her back. She never felt herself being flipped underneath him until he pulled away. Looking up into his eyes, she realized she was on her back. The only sounds in the room were their panting.
"Why did you kiss me?" he asked.
"Well.because.because I couldn't express what I wanted to in words. I wanted you to know that the stuff she said.she was wrong." Hearing silence, Willow turned her head from him. "Sorry," she mumbled.
Spike placed two fingers along her chin, turning her face back to him. "Please don't be sorry," he pleaded.
Willow stared into his eyes. "What are you thinking about now?"
"Kissing you again," he replied honestly.
She squirmed her way out from under him. "We can't keep doing this. We can't.I have all these thoughts floating around in my head and."
"You missed the part where you tell me, you don't want to kiss me."
"No, I didn't. I just can't say it."
"Why not?" he asked her seriously. He wanted to hear the words.
"Because, I." Willow jumped up from her bed. "Look, I just.I have to focus. I think Giles wants an answer tonight."
"So?" Spike shrugged.
"So? SO? So I have to make one decision that could completely change my life!"
Spike could hear the panic and anxiety rising in her voice. He rose from the bed and walked over to her, placing his arms around her. "Everything will work out, pet." They seemed to get lost in each other. As their faces moved closer together, their lips met in a sweet, gentle, tender kiss. As Spike pulled away, he saw Willow's eyes were still closed. His lips drifted down her neck, kissing and tasting her skin. Hearing a soft moan from her mouth, he quickly stopped and apologized. "That wasn't intentional. I just."
"I know," she said quickly. "Me too."
"Right, then. Maybe I should go back to sleep and let you do whatever it is you do." Neither one of them actually moved away from the other.
"Would you just hold me?" she asked in a gentle voice.
Spike cocked his head to the side as if to study her. "Always."
"Even if it ends up being for eternity?"
"Forever, luv."
~Part: 17~
At sundown, Willow and Spike walked to the Magic Box in complete silence. She thought about the afternoon she had spent with Spike. They had sat on the couch watching television for most of the afternoon. They sat close but not too close in a comfortable silence. It seemed as if they were close friends when the truth was, they weren't much more than mere acquaintances.
Spike kept glancing at her as they walked through the night. "You're quiet tonight," he remarked.
"Yeah.lots of thoughts."
"About your decision?"
"Yeah. I'm so afraid I'm gonna disappoint someone."
"Who would you disappoint?"
"Well, if I say no.Giles. But if I choose you, my friends."
"You wouldn't be choosing me though. You'd be choosing to kill the demon." When all he heard was silence, Spike grabbed Willow's hand and led her into the alley. Gently, he pushed her against the wall. "That last part was a bit of a question, luv. I expect an answer." He paused for a moment before continuing. "This is still about the demon, right?"
Willow finally looked up into his eyes, but stubbornly refused to answer the question. "What do you want from me?" she asked with anger in her voice.
He took a step back. "Want from you? I don't want a bloody thing from you." Spike took an unneeded breath. "Tell the Watcher I might be by later," he said coldly.
She saw him start to walk off. "Spike!" she called out but he never turned around.
"Stay away from me, Witch," he growled.
Willow watched him leave into the darkness until she couldn't see him anymore. She didn't know what she did to make him angry. Wiping away her tears, she quickly made her way to Giles' home.
Spike wandered through the streets of Sunnydale. He didn't know why he was angry or even why he left her in the alley. <Why can't she just make a decision? Why can't she choose to be bound to me?> The only thing he could think of was.her. The way she felt in his arms when he was holding her. The kisses they had shared. The way she made him feel when they were together. Knowing at least an hour had passed, he made his way to the Watcher's flat.
~~~*~~~
Opening the door, the first person he saw was Willow. He smelled the salt and knew she had been crying. He pushed back the urge of running to her and offering her comfort. "Hello, luv."
"Spike," she said with no emotion.
"Where's everyone at?"
"Buffy and Xander left ten minutes ago to patrol. Giles is in his study."
"And what are you doing?"
"Researching," she told him without looking up.
Giles entered the room and could practically feel the tension between them. "Spike, you're here."
Willow stood up. "Yep. He's here which means I'm leaving."
"Willow.Spike.I'd like to talk to both of you."
They both moved to the couch and sat at opposite sides. Giles took his place in a leather chair in front of them. "Have you come to a decision, Willow?"
"I did, up until tonight. Now.I won't be bound to him." She stood up. "You two can chat about it all you want. I'm going home."
"Spike will walk you."
"No, he really won't. I don't want him to." Without another word, she picked up her bag and left.
"What happened tonight?" Giles questioned.
Spike looked out the door that Willow had just walked out of. He then glanced at Giles. "I fucked up, mate." Pulling out a cigarette, he left without saying another word.
~~~*~~~
Standing in front of her house, he realized he had been chain smoking. Dropping the cigarette to the ground, he crushed it with the heel of his boot. Taking an unneeded breath, he walked up the pathway and let himself into her home.
Spike watched her for a moment from his place at her bedroom doorway. Being here felt right to him. Walking into the room, he kicked off his boots and placed his duster on the chair. Once he climbed into the bed, his eyes met hers. Her eyes were filled with surprise.
"Hey," he whispered.
Ignoring him, she turned over so only her back was facing him.
The demon in him flared at her display of defiance. He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her body flush against him. "I won't be ignored," he growled. He heard nothing but silence, so her continued. "You asked me what I wanted from you, so here it is. I wanna know why the decision for you to be bound to me was so difficult to make." His voice got gentler, softer. "I wanna know why you won't choose me."
~Part: 18~
Willow flipped over and glared at him. "Choose you? CHOOSE YOU! I did choose you and you left me in an alley. An alley! A place where anything could have attacked me or killed me and you left me there!"
Spike had lost his embrace on her when she had turned to him. She was right. He had just left her there. He reached out his arms to try to hold her. "Luv."
"No. Why are you here? Thought I was supposed to stay away from you," she spat out.
"I couldn't stay away from you," he told her wrapping his arms around her and pulling her body to his. "Couldn't stay away," he whispered softly. As he pulled her body to him, her face rested in the crook of his neck. He closed his eyes for a moment enjoying the sensation of her.
All Willow knew was that he came back. He was here with her. He wanted to be here. Realizing he had pulled her into his arms, she also realized how close her lips were to his skin. Without thinking, she placed her lips against his neck and lightly kissed him.
Spike's eyes flew open when he realized that she had kissed him. His body froze for a half second before he started to crave the touch again.
Willow pulled back slightly after realizing what she had done. "I didn't mean to," she whispered. "Sorry," she said even softer.
He knew she regretted it but the question was why? "Please don't be sorry, luv." He hesitated before saying something else. "Do it again?" he asked with almost pleading in his voice.
"Are you sure?"
"Only if you want to," he said softly. "I want you to."
Willow felt his arms around her waist loosen a bit, letting her choose what she wanted to do. Taking a deep breath, she slid one hand slowly up his arm and across the other side of his neck, tangling it in his hair and kept her other arm wedged between them. Returning her lips on his neck once again, she placed a series of kisses along his neck, nervous and waiting for him to push her away.
Feeling her stop once again, he tightened his embrace on her. "You ok?"
"I'm waiting."
"For what?" he asked curiously.
"For you to push me away. To tell me it was a mistake."
"Look at me," he pleaded.
Willow shook her head. "No."
"Look at me," he growled. He watched as she raised her eyes to him. "I will never say that to you. Being here, being with you.it just feels right. Everything in my body tells me that this is where I belong." Seeing her blush, she quickly tucked her head back into the crook of his neck. "And my demon agrees, luv." He could feel her smile against his skin.
Willow raised her body from the bed a bit, using her free arm. She gently pushed him back until he was laying flat on his back. Glancing at the place on his neck where his pulse point would normally be, she let her lips slowly descend upon his skin. Gently she started to nibble at the desired point, listening to him purr.
Spike couldn't believe the sensations his cold dead body was feeling at that exact moment. He felt like he was on fire from one single kiss. He had to touch her, to feel her. Slowly, Spike slid his hands up the back of her shirt, letting his hands glide over her back, over her soft skin. At that very moment, he wanted to be doing a lot more than kissing her, but he kept to his word. When his hands grazed her skin, he felt her freeze for a moment but then felt her melt into him. The nibbles turned into kisses which turned into something more. He could feel her taking his skin between her lips and sucking gently. He couldn't help but to moan out loud. Keeping his hands on her back, he pressed her body to his, letting her fall in between his legs. He felt alive.
Willow stayed that way for a few minutes. Nipping and tasting his skin, losing herself in him. As she pulled away from him, she wondered what he was thinking.
Spike let his hands leave her skin, only to catch her face as she started to back up. Their eyes locked, emotions stirring in them both. "No regrets, luv," he whispered. He grazed the side of her face with the pad of his thumb.
"No regrets," she whispered back.
Bringing her face to his, their lips came together in a sweet tender kiss. Their tongues dancing together instead of battling for dominance. Their lips melting together. As she pulled away, her body remained where it was. Willow lay her head upon his chest. "Spike?"
He ran his fingers through her hair and kissed the top of her head. "Yeah."
"Would you mind.I mean can I."
"Out with it, pet."
"Can I touch you? I don't mean naughty touching or anything, just.well, can I? I mean would you mind?" After she heard the silence, she felt like she had made a mistake. "Never mind," she said quickly. "I just."
"You just surprised me a bit, that's all. You can touch me anywhere and anytime you please, pet."
"Ok," she replied shyly. Gathering up her courage, she slid her hand up the front of his shirt, gliding it along his skin. She heard Spike take a sharp intake of breath, which was followed by a low purring noise. She looked up at him, noticing he had a content look on his face. "You're purring," she stated.
"Yeah.well.it's."
"I like it when you purr."
He studied her for a moment. That one statement carried so many different meanings. All of them were directed towards his demon. She didn't shy away from him. She could accept him as is. "Pet, when did you make your decision about being bound to me?"
Willow tried to play the innocent role. "Hmm?"
"Willow," he said sternly. "The truth."
"Awhile."
"Did you know when we went to see Gabriel?"
"Maybe.yes.well no."
"Which one is it?"
"I had an idea but I didn't know for sure." Willow paused for a moment. "Are you mad at me for not telling you?"
He looked down at her. "Pet, look at us. Look at where we are. How could I possibly be mad at you?"
"I should have told you."
"Why didn't you? I mean you do have a reason, right?"
"You were coming to me or I was going to you and it felt so right. I finally felt.and.I didn't want you to leave."
"You thought I would leave?"
"I didn't want to lose you. I mean not that I have you or anything or.I think I'm just gonna sleep now."
Spike couldn't help but to smirk. She was cute when she babbled. He leaned down and whispered in her ear. "Do I have you, Red?"
She looked up at him, confusion in her eyes. "I don't understand."
"Are you mine to have?" he whispered. Seeing her open her mouth to answer, he quickly put a finger over her lips to silence her. "Don't answer, just think about it." Wrapping his arms around her, he held her close until they both fell asleep.
~Part: 19~
Willow woke up a couple of hours later, enjoying the feel of Spike's arms still around her. Her mind was racing though. She couldn't forget his last question. 'Are you mine to have?' That one question was simple, yet complicated.
Spike felt her shift against his body. He knew she was thinking. Even her mind rambled. He didn't have to open his eyes to know she was awake. "You're supposed to be asleep, luv."
Willow turned her head to look at him. "Your eyes are still closed."
"It's this amazing thing called sleep. You should try it sometime."
"Funny," she replied. Willow pulled away slightly from his embrace and leaned on her side facing him.
Spike opened his eyes when he felt her pull away. It may not be his place but he wanted her near him. Resting on his side, he placed his arm around her waist, pulling her close. "What's going through that head of yours?"
Willow froze. She felt that if she breathed she would ruin the moment.
"Red?"
All she could think about was the way her body was pressed up against his. "Aren't we a bit close?"
Spike brushed his lips gently across her ear. "We could be a bit closer," he whispered.
"Don't tease, Spike."
"Not teasing." He pulled back slightly. "Want to tell me what you were thinking about?"
"Eternity. What's it like?"
"Eternity? Is that what this is about?" Looking into her eyes, he saw she was serious. "Eternity is eternity. Years will pass by. Decades. Centuries. You'll be able to see everything. To experience everything."
"Why are you willing to spend eternity with me? I mean we're not in love."
Spike knew that the next words out of his mouth needed to be chosen carefully. "I never wanted to claim a human before you. Never had the desire to. After a while people are all the same to you except for the rare chance that you can actually find a human to spark something in you. Once you find that, you start to almost crave it. And you NEVER want to let that person go."
"You never answered my question," she stated.
He let his fingers graze the side of her face. "Yes, I did." He paused for a moment. "We should get some sleep, luv."
Willow intertwined her fingers with Spike's and nuzzled her body into his. "Don't leave, ok?"
Spike kissed the top of her head. "Not going anywhere, luv. I'll be here when you wake up." As he felt her starting to drift asleep, he relaxed. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, memorizing her scent.
~Part: 20~
The next time Willow woke up, she glanced at the clock seeing it was already late afternoon. Looking at Spike she smiled. "Spike," she whispered. "We should wake up."
Spike kept his eyes closed and pulled her flush against his body. "I'm a vampire," he mumbled.
"So?"
"So the bloody sun is still out, ain't it?"
"Yeah."
"That means it's sleep time."
Willow didn't want to go back to sleep but she didn't want to leave his side either. She pushed his body slightly, letting him roll onto his back. She then reached over, leaning into his neck. Willow started placing soft kisses along his skin, feeling his body stir underneath her.
Feeling her lips linger against his neck, he placed his hands on her back and flipped them over.
"Hi," she said smiling.
"Hey," he smirked. "Are we playing already?"
"I wasn't. I was just."
"Kissing me."
"Well.yeah. I."
Pressing his lips to hers, he decided to return the favor. Starting the kiss, he silently begged for entry. And to his surprise he was granted it. This kiss was different though. There was no hesitation. Feeling her deepen the kiss, he pressed his body into hers.
Willow felt as if she was walking on cloud nine. For the first time she felt comfortable enough to not push him away. Instead she deepened the kiss.
Spike pulled away, remembering she had to breath but didn't stop kissing her. He let his lips drift across the base of her neck. Realizing how much he wanted to sink his fangs into her skin, he reluctantly pulled away.
"I wanted to wake you up and then we kissed and."
"And now you regret it?" he guessed.
"No! I wouldn't have kept kissing you if I regretted it. You don't.you don't regret it, do you?"
Spike layed down next to her, pulling her to him. "The only thing I regret is stopping."
Willow couldn't help but to smile. "Then why did we stop?"
"Cause if we had kept going, I would've shagged you into the mattress."
"Oh," she replied shyly. "Did you mean what you asked me the other day?"
Spike played with the ends of her hair. "What was that?"
"You asked me if I was yours to have."
"I meant it."
"Does.um.does that mean you're mine to have?"
"Is that what you want?"
"Maybe," she whispered.
"Are you mine to have?"
"Maybe."
Maybe. The word echoed through his mind. Maybe wasn't good enough for him. He wanted the answer to be yes. Pulling away from her, he climbed off the bed, refusing to look at her. "It's sundown soon."
Willow knew something had just changed between them but she wasn't sure of what it was. "Spike?" she asked, her voice full of concern.
"You need to get ready and then we'll head over to the Watcher's."
"Spike, look at me. Say something."
He shook his head. "Nothing left to say."