Rating: PG for now, may change later
Pairings: Willow/Spike, maybe some Angel/Cordy later
Distribution: my site http://www.geocities.com/angels_soul_1/shadesofgrey ; http://www.fanfiction.net ; NHA, anyone else with my fics feel free, anyone else just let me know.
Disclaimer: All BtVS and A:TS characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, FOX, WB, and UPN
Spoilers: Everything through end of S6 Buffy and S3 Angel
Author's Notes: 1)This is kind of based on a challenge from Di to change the ending of Grave to a W/S ending or what happened after the end. 2) For this fic assume the last ten minutes or so of Angel didn't happen. Because I have know idea how to fix that. J
Summary: Willow needs to learn to deal with what she did, Spike has to deal with a soul, Connor needs to deal with his father, and Angel and Wesley need to deal with each other.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~Part: One~
Willow set the duffel bag on the counter in the kitchen. Reaching into her jacket pockets she pulled out an envelope then checked again to make sure the stake, cross, and holy water were there. Can't travel at night in Sunnydale without them, she thought feeling the objects. Sighing she looked at the envelope addressed to Giles.
She hated doing this. Leaving in the middle of the night, but if she didn't her friends wouldn't let her leave. She didn't understand why they wanted her to stay but they did. They should hate her right now, but they didn't. Problem was she hated herself, she didn't want their forgiveness, she wanted them to be angry. She glanced at her watch once again then set the letter in front of the coffee maker knowing Giles would find it in the morning, he would read it and explain to the others.
She was leaving the note for Giles, who hadn't returned to England yet, because he was the one that would understand why she had to leave, why she couldn't stay. Giles wouldn't let the others come looking for her, at least until she was ready.
Looking around the room one last time she grabbed her bag and headed out the door. She had to hurry or she would miss her bus.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!
Taking his seat on the plane headed for California Spike closed his eyes. How the hell had this happened, he had a soul. He wanted the chip out, that's why he had sought out the bloody demon, why he had gone through all the tests. But what does he get, a soul, he didn't need or want a soul, he wanted to be a real demon again.
The memories of his past were starting to return. The memories of all the pain he had caused over the years. So many deaths, so much pain and torture. The things he did to people, he had enjoyed killing, had taken pleasure in it. Worst of all, the memories of what he had done to Buffy. He had tried to rape her. How could he have done that. He loved her. How could he hurt someone he loved so much. He wasn't going back to Sunnydale, not yet anyway, he needed to find a way to deal with all of these feelings first.
~Part: Two~
Angel paced the length of the bus depot. She should have let him come and get her. The bus in the middle of the night was dangerous, and late. Glancing at his watch he looked out the window again. He had been surprised when she called. He kept contact with the people in Sunnydale, mostly through Cordy, but rarely did Willow ever call him. None of them called him really. Buffy did once in a while, because she needed someone to talk too, Willow e-mailed Cordiela pretty often but he rarely talked to her.
She hadn't really told him why she was coming to L.A. She had said things had happened and she couldn't stay in Sunnydale right now. She would explain when she got here. She had assured him that everyone was okay, at least physically. She wasn't in trouble, not anymore anyway, was what she had said. She said she just needed a place to stay, with people that wouldn't pressure her right now. She needed time.
He had told her she was always welcome to stay with him. The only stipulation was she couldn't let her friends worry about her. She had to let them know where she was. He wouldn't allow them to see her if that's what she wanted but she had to tell them. She had promised to leave a note for Giles telling them she was okay, and she would call in a few days and tell them where she was. Now here he was at the bus station waiting for her to arrive.
He sighed with relief when the bus pulled up next to the building and he saw the familiar red head descend the stairs and walk toward the building. He moved toward the door to meet her. She looked so unhappy, so beaten down. He still didn't know what happened to make her leave Sunnydale but it must have been bad. First thing tomorrow she was going to have to give him some answers.
"Angel." Willow said approaching the vampire, pulling him from his thoughts. "Thanks for meeting me."
"I would have come to Sunnydale for you."
"I know, but this was fine. I needed the quiet time anyway." Willow said quietly as Angel took her duffel bag from her hand.
"This all you brought?" He asked.
"Yeah. Couldn't carry much more. I'll have to buy some knew stuff." She said, "Think I can talk Cordy into taking me shopping?"
"I'm sure she could be persuaded." Angel said smiling at her.
"It's all most dawn." He said glancing at the sky, "We need to get going."
!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
Giles entered the kitchen just as the sun was rising, he enjoyed getting up early here. Before all the kids were up. It gave him time to think. Time to himself. He had been here nearly a week, he needed to leave but he was still worried about Willow. He wanted to be sure she was okay before he left. And no one knew where Spike was yet. That concerned him too. Buffy had finally told him what had happened the night Spike had left. He wasn't sure why the vampire was gone but he was afraid it wasn't good.
As he approached the coffee maker he saw the envelope sitting in front of it. It had his name on it. He picked it up instantly recognizing Willow's writing he opened the envelope already dreading what was in it.
Giles,
I'm leaving this for you because I know you'll understand.You won't come looking for me.I had to leave. I know everyone says they're okay with it.With what I did. They say it wasn't really me.But it was. I did those things. I don't want them to forgive me.They should hate me, I tried to kill them.
What I'm saying is that I need time to forgive myself I guess.I went away so I could do that. I went someplace safe.I need you to explain to everyone why I left.I don't know when I'll be back, but I'll call and letEveryone know where I am as long as they promise notTo come after me.
Tell everyone I love them.I'll call if a few days.
Willow.
Giles set the letter down. He had been afraid of this. Willow needed to forgive herself for what she did. He knew the others didn't understand that. They were all convinced it wasn't really Willow, it was the magic. Which it was, but the magic was a part of Willow. Until Willow could come to terms with what she did, she wasn't going to be okay. For now he had to accept that she said she went someplace safe, and would call. He had an idea he knew where she would have gone, but he would respect her wish and not look. What he really dreaded was having to tell the others that she was gone and they weren't to do anything to find her.
Sighing he started the coffee and thought about the fact that he wasn't returning to England anytime soon.
~Part: Three~
Willow glanced at the clock. She had been awake for almost two hours. She couldn't continue hiding in here forever. Eventually someone would come looking for her. Angel had told her that Cordiela knew she was coming, so did Gunn and Fred. Odds were Gunn and Fred would leave her alone, she didn't really know them so they wouldn't be that eager to talk to her. Cordiela on the other hand wouldn't be put off for long. Especially when Angel couldn't give her any information about why she was here. Angel too would only be put off for so long. He's more patient that Cordiela sure, but he wanted answers and he deserved to get them, since she was asking him to let her stay indefinitely.
Just as she was getting out of the bed she heard a knock on the door. Sighing she pulled a robe over her T-shirt and headed to the door. Opening it she was greeting by a worried looking Cordiela.
"Willow what the hell is going on?" Came Cordiela's blunt greeting.
"Cordy hi." Willow said. "I know I need to give you all some answers. Is Angel still here?"
"Yeah. Downstairs." Cordiela responded, "He said I shouldn't come up here. You would come down and talk to us when you were ready."
"And of course you ignored him."
"Well yeah." Cordiela responded smiling.
"Let me shower and dress and I'll come down and explain 'kay." Willow said smiling slightly.
"Half hour then I'm coming back." Cordiela said giving her friend a quick hug.
"Promise I'll be down." Willow said turning back to the room and searching through the bag for something to wear.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!
Spike walked down the streets of L.A. not sure why he was here. He probably should have just gone away. Stayed in Africa or gone to Europe, but he came back to California. He couldn't go to Sunnydale. Not now, Not after what he did to Buffy. He would have to face it eventually but right now there were so many things to face he didn't know where to start.
He had considered going to England, finding the watcher. Maybe he would help him. Then he thought about the idea that Buffy may have already talked to Giles, in which case the only thing he would get in England was a stake through the heart.
Then he thought about coming here. He hated admitting that Angel could help, but he was the best choice. Assuming again that Buffy hadn't talked to him. But at least he could defend himself against Angel, he was helpless against the watcher.
He had been hearing rumors since he arrived in L.A. about Sunnydale. Something had happened not long after he left. He still hadn't gotten a clear idea of what it was, but it was bad. They had said it was even to much for the Slayer. Some very dark force had taken power. He heard that vengeance had taken control, demons were way to big and being vague, he thought. The mention of vengeance made him think that maybe the demon girl had finally decided to go after Harris. The boy deserved it after what he did.
He needed to find the hotel that Angel owned soon, he had no idea where to go in L.A. for blood when you couldn't feed off of people, because he sure as hell wasn't feeding off rats.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!
"Hi guys." Willow said approaching the door to the office.
"Willow hi." Angel said looking up from the desk to the girl standing in the door. "Feeling better."
"Rested, not better." Willow said, "But I'm ready to explain to you guys."
"Cordiela's in the kitchen getting sandwiches. She thought you might be hungry."
"She's right." Willow said sitting across from Angel at the desk. "Thanks again for letting me come here Angel. And for not calling Buffy and Xander."
"As long as you call them soon." Angel said, "They must be worried."
"Who's worried?" Cordiela said entering the room with a tray of sandwiches and drinks.
"Xander and Buffy." Angel said as Cordiela sat next to Willow.
"Oh, yeah. I'm sure they are." Cordiela said, "Okay so what's going on?"
"You guys know about the magic right?" Willow said quietly looking down at her hands, "That I was. That I was addicted."
"Yeah, but that's not why you left?" Cordiela asked, "That was months ago."
"I hadn't been using magic for months, you're right." Willow began, "Then Warren decided he, uh, was tired of dealing with the slayer I guess. He came to the house and. he shot her and Tara."
"Are they okay?" Angel interrupted.
"Buffy's fine. Tara's dead." Willow said simply, "I couldn't save her. I tried, but I couldn't. Then Xander told me who." Willow stopped and wiped her eyes still not looking at her friends who were listening in silence now. "All I could think about was making him pay. I saved Buffy, with magic, then we went after. When they realized I wasn't looking to take him to jail they tried to stop me but."
"Willow it's understandable that you wanted him dead, he took someone you loved from you." Angel said quietly, understanding how her emotions would get away from her.
"I didn't just want him dead Angel," She replied looking at him for the first time since she started, "I found him, tortured him, and killed him."
"Oh." Angel said shocked by the red head's confession.
"That wasn't enough though. I wanted his little friends to pay. I wouldn't listen to Buffy that they. Then I hurt everyone who tried to stop me, Buffy, Xander, Anya, Dawn, God I was ready to kill Dawn for the power the energy inside her would give me. And Giles, I almost did kill him."
"Giles is in England right?" Cordiela asked.
"He heard about well, me and came back." Willow answered, "I almost killed him. Then I was going to. When it was over they all said it was okay, it wasn't me, it was the magic. But. I felt like it was me."
"The magic was controlling you Willow." Angel said trying to comfort the girl, "Just like last year when Darla and Dru.Angelus may have had too much control over me."
"But they should be mad at me Angel. I don't deserve their forgiveness. I tried to kill them. They should hate me."
"Willow." Cordiela began.
"You can stay her as long as you want." Angel interrupted knowing that telling her what everyone in Sunnydale had already said wouldn't change a thing, "But you do have to call them. They must be worried. Or I can call if you'd like."
"Would you?" Willow said hesitantly, "And Angel."
"I'll make them understand they aren't to come here. And if they do they won't see you unless you want them too."
"Thank you." Willow whispered.
"Angel said you may need some clothes for a few days until you feel up to shopping." Cordiela said, "Want to come to my apartment, meet Dennis and see what I have?"
"Dennis?"
"Long story." Angel said, "But it's a good idea. I'll see you guys in the morning then, or are you coming back tonight?"
"Morning." Cordiela said, "She can stay with me tonight then we'll be back in the morning."
"Okay, see you then." Angel said watching as the two former enemy's walked out the door.
~Part: Four~
"I understand Buffy. But you need to understand." Angel tried again to explain to the angry slayer why she couldn't come to L.A.
"I know you're her friend. Xander too. But right now what she needs and wants is to be alone." Angel repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time since he called.
"Buffy, you don't understand what she's going through. None of you do. She has to deal with having something inside her that is strong enough to make her do things that are completely against everything she believes in. She took a life, and was going to take more. She needs to deal with that." Angel explained again.
"Look Buffy if you come here you will leave without seeing her. I." Angel was saying as he heard the door open and as he leaned over to look out of the office he heard a familiar voice coming from the doorway. "Buffy I gotta go." He said hanging up the phone before she could respond.
"Angel!" Spike hollered from just inside the doorway. "Hey Peaches you here?"
"What the hell are you doing here?" Angel asked coming out of the office.
"Nice to see you too."
"Spike it's been a long day, I am not in the mood." Angel said menacingly.
"Yeah tell me about it." Spike mumbled, "I'm hungry."
"You came here for dinner?" Angel asked, he knew the younger vampire had a chip in his head so his friends were safe but he had been away from Sunnydale for a while according to Buffy, he had left to do something but didn't tell anyone what.
"Well, yeah. And." Spike began then hesitated, asking Angel for help was not on his list of favorite things to do.
"And what?" Angel said impatiently, "I don't have all night."
"Right because of you're busy social life." Spike replied sarcastically. "I need your help okay. There is no one else that I could even go to with this."
"With what?" Angel asked realizing for the first time that his grand childe was serious about why he was here. "Let's get you something to eat and then we'll talk."
Angel led the younger vampire up to his room and pulled out a container of blood and began heating it as Spike wandered around the room, looking at the broken items that had yet to be cleaned up from the fire. After pouring the blood into mugs and handing one to Spike he motioned to the table and both sat down looking at each other warily.
"So what could make you possibly admit to needing my help?" Angel asked as Spike drank thirstily.
"I. have you talked to Buffy, uh, lately." Spike asked slowly.
"Not about you. Why?"
"Right that would be why you didn't stake me on sight."
"Spike what did you do?" Angel asked quietly.
"Buffy and I were. we."
"You were sleeping with her. I know." Angel said quietly, still finding it hard to believe that Buffy had become involved with Spike.
"Right. Then she didn't want to see me anymore. I. I went to her. to convince her that she. and I lost control and." Spike stopped when he heard the growl come from the older vampire.
"Spike did you.did you hurt her."
"No she. she stopped me." Spike said standing up and moving away from the table. " I didn't want to hurt her that was why I. I love her. So I left, I couldn't be like that anymore. The chip was making me crazy. I went to get it out. But."
"You don't have the chip?" Angel asked, and unchipped Spike was a dangerous Spike and he wasn't going to put Fred in danger, and she was still living here.
"No I still have the bloody chip. Apparently I wasn't specific enough about what I wanted. The demon gave me back my bloody soul." Spike said angrily.
Angel stared at the vampire for a minute letting it register in his mind just what Spike was telling him. Then as the full impact of the statement hit him he burst out laughing, earning himself a very angry glare from Spike.
"It's not funny."
"It is." Angel said trying to control his laughter. " All the years you made fun of me. Calling me a poof. At least I didn't inadvertently ask for my soul. Honestly Spike, you should know you need to be specific with demons."
"Are you going to help me or not?" Spike asked.
"Help you with what exactly?" Angel asked knowing how much this was costing the younger vampire.
"Everything. I feel so."
"Guilty?" Angel said quietly, "Like someone is pulling you apart from the inside, and it's okay because you don't deserve to live?"
"Yeah." Spike said thankful that the older vampire understood what he couldn't seem to put into words.
"I can't really help with the pain Spike." Angel said, "You have to deal with your past on your own. But you can stay here and try to. atone for what you did."
"The only way to feel better is to be like you?" Spike asked not sure he liked this option.
"You'll never be like me Spike. We have always been different. But I'm not asking you to do anything you haven't been doing in Sunnydale. Only now it'll be because you want to, not because you have no choice."
"Fine. I guess I can live with that." Spike said flopping down on the bed.
"Couple things though Spike. First try not to piss off Cordiela. She doesn't like you and soul or no soul it won't take a lot to make her stake you." Angel said already dreading explaining the younger vampire's presence to Cordiela.
"Right be nice to the cheerleader." Spike sighed, there went the entertainment, he thought sulkily.
"And there's a young woman living here." Angel began then frowned at Spike's suggestive leer, "You know what just don't even speak to Fred okay." He finished realizing his grand-childe would most likely have Fred cowering in her room again if Gunn didn't dust him first.
"Don't talk to the girl I don't know. Got it." Spike said, "Anything else?"
"Yeah. Willow's here." Angel said as he walked out of the room.
~Part: Five~
Spike sat in the far corner of the lobby carefully avoiding the light coming through the large doors. What Angel was thinking with the very sunny lobby was beyond him. He was flipping pages of a magazine without really looking at the pictures. He had seen Gunn come in and talk to Angel in the office then leave again, just glancing his way without speaking, either he didn't care who the new guest was or was told to stay away. Either way it didn't matter much to Spike he needed the time alone right now.
"Hey you must be Spike." A cheery sounding voice said pulling his attention back to the now.
"Yeah." Spike said looking up at the small girl in front of him. "Wait are you Fred?"
"Yeah. How did."
"Sorry Pet. Not supposed to talk to you." Spike said before returning his attention to the magazine.
"What do you mean you aren't supposed to talk to me?"
"Angel said not to talk to you. Thinks I'll scare you or something." Spike said not wanting to deal with this at the moment.
" Scare me? I haven't been like that in, well, a while." Fred murmured before storming off to confront the dark vampire.
Spike smiled to himself, he might not be able to pick on the cheerleader but he could still make the poof crazy. He still didn't know why the witch was here. Angel had said she had things to go through too, if he wanted know more he had to ask her. Smiling again as he heard a familiar voice entering the lobby, laughing quietly at something the cheerleader must have said. He looked up as they entered the lobby and waved to Cordiela as the two women noticed him in the lobby.
Cordiela froze as she saw the vampire sitting in the chair smiling and waving at her. She looked at Willow who had stopped right beside her and watched as the witch's smile faded. Willow hadn't wanted to see anyone from Sunnydale, this was so not a good thing, as far as she could tell.
"ANGEL!" Cordiela yelled as she made her way to the office without acknowledging the blonde vampire.
Willow stood staring at the vampire. What was he doing here, she thought. If Buffy sent him. No, that didn't make sense at all. Buffy wasn't even speaking to Spike anymore. Spike hated Angel what would make him come here of all places.
"Gonna say hi, Red?" Spike asked, after all Angel hadn't said he had to be nice to Willow too, just Cordiela and not speaking to Fred at all.
"Hi Spike." Willow said hesitantly, "Why are you."
"I could ask you the same thing. But I'm guessing neither of us wants to talk about it right now."
"Right." Willow said, if Spike didn't know why she was here, she didn't want to repeat the story right now. Maybe he hadn't been back to Sunnydale. Dawn had told her he left around the time Tara had died.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
"What the hell is he doing here?" Cordiela asked slamming the office door as she went in.
"Uh, Cordy I don't think Fred's done yelling at me just yet." Angel said, he knew this wasn't going to be a good morning.
"What did the bleached moron do to you Fred. If he hurt you I'll."
"He didn't do anything. Can't, Angel told him he couldn't speak to me. Might scare me." Fred said angrily.
" I didn't say."
"Oh then trust me. It's better if he doesn't speak to you." Cordiela said, "He's a jackass when he does talk."
"Still it should be my decision." Fred said.
"She's right." Cordiela said shrugging. "She has the right to find out Spike shouldn't speak for herself. Go tell him I said he can talk to you." Cordiela finished looking at Fred. "I'll yell at Angel for both of us."
Cordiela waited until Fred left the room before turning her attention back to the object of her anger. " Why is he here?"
"He's um, going through something. He wants my help." Angel said not sure he should be telling Cordiela this much, it was Spike's problem after all.
"Going through what?" Cordiela said, "Run out of bleach."
"Cordy, I don't think I." Angel said then seeing that the girl wasn't going anywhere without an explanation he said, "Spike left Sunnydale to have that chip removed. But uh, something went wrong and."
"Angel if he had the chip removed." Cordiela interrupted looking through the glass to be sure he wasn't killing her friends as they spoke, but instead saw Spike at one end of the couch still flipping through a magazine, and Willow at the other her nose buried in a very large book.
"He didn't Cordy." Angel said biting back the laugh that still threatened to erupt at the thought, "He has a soul."
"He as a what?" Cordiela said turning back to Angel sure she heard wrong. "Did you say he has a soul?"
"Yes."
"So Willow's here because you're the only one that can understand her guilt. And Spike his here because you understand his having a soul suddenly." Cordiela said, then at Angel nod of agreement, "So instead of an P.I. business you're running what, Angel's lessons in brooding."
"Funny. Really Cordy." Angel said even though the same basic thought had crossed his mind last night. "We're kind of slow right now. Why don't you take Fred and Willow shopping." He said handing her a credit card. "Buy whatever Willow needs while she's here. And if you and Fred want something." Angel stopped realizing Cordiela had already snatched the credit card from his hand and was out of the office calling the other two women.
"Never mind." Angel muttered.
~Part: Six~
"Right the two languages are very similar." Willow said pointing out words in two separate books.
"Great. Then this one should be kinda easy for me since I know that one." Fred said smiling at her new friend.
Willow was happy to have Fred to talk to. They had become friends very quickly. Fred seemed to understand her need to be alone sometimes and not want to talk about what had happened in Sunnydale. It was also fun to be around someone who enjoyed books and learning new things as much as she did. It had been awhile since she had that. Giles loved books, but he already knew pretty much everything so it was different.
"Yeah. You should pick it up fast. Um, Angel wanted to me to see if I could find some information for him on the Internet so I'll let you try translating that for him. It'll speed things up. Just holler if you need help." Willow said turning her attention back to the computer.
"Thanks again Willow. Wes was trying to teach me some of the new languages before." Fred trailed off as Angel walked past the office.
"I still can't believe that Wesley would."
"He didn't. I mean he did what he thought was best but I don't think he ever meant for Holtz to." Fred said quietly.
"So no one has actually asked him then?" Willow said, she had assumed that Angel had gotten Wesley's side of events before trying to kill the ex-watcher.
"Well no." Fred said, "Angel's not exactly eager to have contact with Wes."
"Can you get me his phone number?" Willow asked.
"Sure but he won't talk to any of us." Fred said sadly.
"I'm not one of you. Chances are he doesn't know I'm here with you guys." Willow said, "I can call from a pay phone or something, and tell him I'm in town and want to talk to him."
"If Angel finds out."
"He won't if you don't say anything." Willow said smiling.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!
Spike dropped the ax as he watched the last demon fall. At least he could still be violent, his soul didn't seem to have a problem with violence as long as humans weren't the victims. With the exception of the guilt it wasn't all that different from the chip really.
"Good fight Spike." Gunn said returning the vampire's side.
"Bloody right." Spike said smirking at the man beside him.
"Don't know why Angel never wants you with him for these battles. You're good."
"Peaches never wanted me around much. Says I'm annoying." Spike said retrieving his ax and following the other man back to the truck.
"Can't imagine why." Gunn said smiling slightly, "Maybe because you call him peaches?"
"Not always, sometimes I call him Poof." Spike said taking his seat on the passenger side.
"Sure he finds that better." Gunn said trying to hide his smile. Despite himself he found he liked the blonde vampire. He was certainly more entertaining than Angel. And he was good in a fight. The vampire was viscous though, so he was very glad they were currently on the same side.
"What's up?" Gunn said picking up the phone laying on the seat between them. "On the way back now. I don't think it's a good idea Willow." Gunn listened for another moment, "Of course I won't say anything."
Gunn pressed the end button and set the phone next to him as he started the truck and pulled into traffic.
"What wasn't a good idea?" Spike asked, curious as to what the witch could be up to.
"Willow wants you to take her on an errand I guess." Gunn said, "She'll explain it to you when we get there."
~Part: Seven~
"Red it's going to piss off Angel." Spike said again, not sure exactly how he felt about that. On the one hand irritating Angel was always fun, but on the other they both needed Angel's help right now.
"Spike is right." Gunn agreed, "You know how he is on this subject." He finished looking at Fred.
"I know. But Willow's right Charles." Fred said, "None of us ever heard Wesley's side. And Connor is back so things are kind of better so."
"Can't talk you out of it can I?" Spike said noticing Willow's resolve face and knowing any further discussion would be useless so he might as well go with her to keep her safe.
"Not really." Willow said, "So you coming?"
"Yeah." Spike said then turning to Fred, "If the poof asked just say we went out. You don't know where."
"Got it." Fred said smiling as the couple left the hotel.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!
"So Red, ever going to tell me why you're here?" Spike asked as he pulled the car away from the curb.
"I want to get Wes and Angel speaking again. Didn't we cover that already." Willow said fastening her seat belt.
"Not in this car. In L.A. why aren't you in Sunnydale with you're little friends." Spike said.
"I really don't want to talk about it." Willow said quietly, she had assumed Angel had already told the vampire the story, but if he didn't she wasn't in the mood to talk about it right now.
"Not fair Pet. You know why I'm here." Spike whined.
"Not going to leave me alone unless I tell you are you?" Willow asked quietly.
"Not likely."
"Fine Right after you left town Warren came to the house." Willow began, this wasn't a story she felt like going over again but Spike was right. She knew why he was here. He deserved the truth.
Spike listened to Willow's story of what happened in Sunnydale. He knew the witch was powerful but he didn't realize she was that powerful. Part of him was impressed by the chaos and panic she caused. Part of him was shocked that she could do that. He also knew he probably would have reacted violently if someone had killed Dru that way. He couldn't believe the blonde witch was gone. He knew everyone thought he didn't like her, that wasn't really true though, sure they would never have been friends but he respected her. Most people would have caved when Glory attacked them but she didn't. She knew what the hell god could do to her, but she protected Dawn anyway. She had the strength to walk away from Willow when she wasn't listening to reason, hell she even tried to stand up to him, in a way, to protect Buffy. He would definitely miss the girl.
"So do you hate me now?" Willow was asking him, looking expectantly at him.
"Do you want me too?" Spike asked, "Maybe the power got too strong for you. I mean did you really have any control over what you were doing."
"Yes. Well at least at first."
"Fine but after that. Not when you killed Warren he deserved it. But with Buffy, and the others" Spike clarified.
"No I mean, part of me wanted to do it. But a part of me didn't, it wanted to stop but couldn't stop the stronger part that did."
"Then I think you just need time to get used to having the side of you that did want to kill." Spike said then "There's a pay phone."
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
"Hello." Wesley said into the receiver.
"Hi Wesley it's Willow." Willow replied cheerfully.
"Willow?"
"Yeah. From Sunnydale."
"Right. Can I help you with something." Wesley asked not sure why the girl was calling him.
"Yeah. Actually I'm in L.A. and kind of wanted to see you. You know to talk."
"Willow. I don't." Wesley began. Hadn't she talked to Angel, or Cordiela, surely if she had she wouldn't want to visit him.
"Don't what? I just want to talk." When she received no reply she tried again. "Look Wesley I know what happened with Connor, well Angel's side anyway, and I just don't think it sounds right. I want to hear your side 'kay."
"No one's interested in my side." Wesley said angrily.
"I am." Willow said, "Look, Angel isn't happy, you're not happy. You can't talk to Angel to explain yourself because he'll kill you. He won't kill me. But I can't help if I don't know what happened that night. And look I'm just asking you to meet me for coffee okay. You don't want me to talk to Angel fine. But I know that Fred wants to know what happened but is afraid of angering Angel."
"All right." Wesley finally said and gave her the name and directions to a café near his apartment.
~Part: Eight~
Connor slipped into the small café a few seconds after watching the vampire and witch take their seats in a small booth. He quickly found a seat a few booths away from them. There were people sitting at each of the booths, effectively blocking Willow's view of him. He wanted to know what had happened to his father, Holtz, Angel had insisted that he had kidnapped him as an infant. That Holtz had taken him out of revenge not love. He knew that someone Angel trusted had helped his father to take him, no one would talk about the events leading up to the kidnapping though. Fred had told him that a fake prophecy had been the ultimate cause but he still didn't understand what had happened. When he overheard Willow and Fred today he knew this was his chance to find out. They wouldn't be able to see him from here, but thanks to the vampire senses he seemed to have inherited he could here them just fine.
He had been biding his time for weeks waiting for a chance at revenge against Angel, for killing his father. Problem was the more he was around the people in the hotel the harder it was to believe that Angel had murdered his father. But he had seen the marks, and Justine had said it was Angelus. If Angel had killed Holtz he would gladly kill the vampire, but he needed to be sure, Angel seemed to do a lot to help the world he now found himself in, he didn't want to destroy a champion instead of a demon.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!
Spike sat across from Willow wondering if she knew that Connor was there. Probably not, he decided, the kid was staying hidden. Spike had sensed his presence as soon as he entered the small coffee shop, probably because of the family bonds between Angel and himself. Didn't really matter much to him, the kid wanted to know what they were doing fine, let him see.
"Hello Miss Rosenberg." An English voice said from beside Spike.
"Hi Wesley." Willow said, "Oh, sorry this is Spike." She said catching his glance at the vampire.
"Spike?" Wesley said, "As in William the Bloody?"
"Yeah. Well but not anymore. Long story." Willow said then seeing Spike flinch at the reminder, "He's still a big bad vampire though." She said smiling.
"Makes me feel lots better Red." Spike muttered.
A waitress appeared at the table and quickly took their orders. The trio made small talk for a few minutes waiting for their order to arrive before getting into the real topic. After the waitress left the table a second time Willow finally decided to broach the subject that had all of them gathered there.
"Wesley I need to know what happened. I can't believe you would take Angel's child and give him to Holtz. Hell I can't believe you would take Angel's child period without a damn good reason." She said bluntly.
"Wow Pet. Too much time with the demon girl." Spike said amazed at her unusual bluntness.
"Spike nothing constructive to say then just sit there 'kay." Willow said glaring at the vampire.
"I didn't give the child to Holtz. He took him. He set me up. Beat up his little friend and sent her too me. When I stopped to help her, she slit my throat." Wesley said motioning to the healing scar across his neck. "She took Connor and left me to die. Next thing I remember is being in the hospital and Angel trying to kill me."
"Okay that makes sense. I knew you wouldn't give." Willow said then stopped, "Why did you try to take Connor though?"
"Yeah. Little fuzzy on that myself." Spike said looking at the watcher.
"Well obviously the fact that Connor existed at all suggested a prophecy of some sort should exist. When I started to investigate I found one. It said a child would be born to the vampire with a soul. And it also said that the father would kill the son."
"So you took him to keep him safe." Willow said quietly.
"Yes. Turns out the prophecy was false though. Time traveling demon went back in time and changed it. What it originally read was that the child of the vampire with a soul would kill that species of demon." Wesley said, "I took Connor because I saw no other way to save him. I didn't want him hurt. I certainly didn't want Angel hurt. But it would hurt Angel more to be responsible for his child's death than to have his child taken or so I thought."
"So this is all because Peaches doesn't know about the prophecy?" Spike asked.
"No he knows about the prophecy from what I understand, they all do. They just believe I gave the child to Holtz." Wesley said bitterly.
"I don't think they believe that Wes. I know Fred doesn't." Willow said softly, "Maybe I can."
"Make Angel listen to you. I doubt it." Spike said.
"So what do you suggest Spike. Letting Angel go on being miserable because he's too stubborn and angry to listen to reason." Willow said becoming angry at the blonde vampire.
"No. He needs to figure it out himself." Spike said, "That he's being unreasonable that is. If you just tell him he'll balk I'm sure of it."
"You two don't have to help me." Wesley said, "I can move on with life without them."
"Everyone is miserable about all of this. No one seems to know how to fix it though. Let us try." Willow pleaded. "Please?"
"Fine. You know how to reach me." Wesley said leaving the table.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!
Connor listened to the conversation at the other table. Holtz hadn't taken him from danger. Angel was never really a danger to him. Holtz just wanted him to make Angel pay for taking his own family. He had known that before too, that Holtz had wanted vengeance, but he had also been told that Angelus would have killed him. Now he was beginning to think that too many people were worried about hurting the vampire for him to still be as evil as his father had implied.
Getting up from the table so he could leave before Willow and Spike he headed out the door. Things were becoming more and more confusing for him. He needed answers that he couldn't get from these people or Angel. The only one's with the answers he needed were Holtz, who he couldn't question, and Justine, who was there at his kidnapping and at his father's death. He knew he needed to find her and force her to give him the answers he needed.
~Part: Nine~
“Where have you two been?” Angel asked from the couch the second Willow and Spike entered the hotel.
“Guess what Angel.” Spike said, “We’re adults. We can go out without your permission.”
“Willow?” Angel asked ignoring the younger vampire and looking at the witch.
“We went for coffee.” Willow said easily, she had never been good at lying, so going with an edited version of the truth would be safer. “I just needed to get out and Spike offered to take me. You were out and Gunn and Fred had plans so…”
“You know it’s not safe out there.” Angel said seriously concerned about the safety of both Spike and Willow neither had been themselves since arriving.
“That’s why I went.” Spike said, “Pay attention.”
“Fine. I was just worried.” Angel said, rationally he knew that Spike would keep the girl safe.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
Connor walked into the small apartment quietly. Justine should be here by now. He knew it would have been easier to wait for morning but he wanted answers tonight. He moved into the shadows of the room when he heard someone approaching the door.
“How did my father die?” He asked as soon as Justine closed the door.
“Stephen?” Justine said startled by the voice coming from the darkness.
“Yes.” Connor said quietly stepping from the shadows. “I need answers. Truthful ones.”
“Of course.” Justine said relaxing when she saw the boy. “Why would I lie.”
“Because my father told you too.” Connor replied. “Why did he take me?”
“What? I thought he explained…”
“He said my father was an evil vampire out to destroy the world. He was taking me for my own safety.” Connor said quietly. “I know at least part of that is a lie. So now I’m questioning a lot. Why did he take me? Was I in danger or did he want revenge?”
“uh, I…” Justine began just before Connor grabbed her and forced her against the wall.
“No more lies.” He said close to her ear.
“Angelus, the vampire Angel used to be, before the soul, killed his family. He wanted to make him pay.” Justine said nervously.
“So he wanted me to make Angel suffer.” Connor said, “Next question, Did you try to kill Angel’s friend when you took me for my father?”
“I… yes.” Justine finally said, “I slit his throat.”
“You are no better than the demons you claim to despise.” Connor said releasing her and turning his back to her, “You were willing to kill an innocent man for the revenge my father sought. How did my father really die?”
“Angelus killed him.” Justine said simply.
“Are you sure of that?” Connor said quietly, “Because I’m not anymore.”
“Yes. I, your father…”
“The truth Justine.” Connor said simply, “Was my father’s death the truth, or did he give Angel that letter and watch Angel leave.” He turned back toward Justine forcing her against the wall again.
“He gave Angelus the letter and then he asked me to…” Justine began. “He asked me to…”
“You killed him didn’t you?” Connor said in disgust, “It was his final revenge against Angel. Making sure his own son hated him.”
“Yes.” Justine said.
“Leave.” Connor said softly, “Pack up your things, and your little army, and leave L.A. Stay away from me and my… my father. If I see you here again. I’ll kill you myself.”
Justine started to reply but was cut off by the door closing. She had ruined everything. Connor hated Holtz now. Hated her. Part of her wanted to stay and fight this. Another smarter part of her knew the kid wasn’t kidding he would kill her if he saw her again. And she didn’t want to think about what would happen if Stephen went back to the hotel and told Angel this story.
~Part: Ten~
Willow was making her way back to her room. She had gone downstairs for something to drink. As she passed Spike’s room she heard a low shout come from the room, then she thought she heard crying. She hesitated hand on the door, she wanted to make sure Spike was okay, but she also knew if he was in there crying she might not be the person he wanted to see right now.
When she heard Spike shout again her decision was made. Spike was her friend, seemed odd in so many ways but he was, so she had to make sure he was okay. Opening the door quietly and slipping inside she made her way to the trembling figure on the bed. His face had vamped out, but he seemed to be asleep. Knowing what she had to do she took a deep breath and reached for him, hoping that the chip was still indeed active since no one had actually tested the theory.
“Spike.” She said touching his shoulder gently. “Spike?” She repeated when he didn’t respond, shaking him gently this time.
She waited patiently for him to show some sign that he heard her, when he started to sob quietly. “Spike wake up. You’re dreaming.” She said again trying to coax him awake.
“Go away witch.” Spike muttered coming awake.
“What’s wrong Spike?” Willow asked gently.
“Nothing leave me alone.”
“Not until you talk to me.” She said tugging his shoulder forcing him to face her. “Not leaving until you talk to me.” She said gently moving her hand over the tears on his face.
“There’s nothing to talk about.” Spike said pulling himself to a sitting position.
“Right so the Big Bad is just in his room crying over a dream for no reason.” Willow said, “Talk to me.”
“You wouldn’t understand.” Spike said softly looking down at his hands rather than the red head next to him. “You couldn’t understand.”
“What it’s like to kill innocent people?” Willow said, “Did you pay attention to my story earlier tonight.”
“Red. The things I did…” Spike said moving one hand to wipe his eyes.
“Were horrible Spike. But that’s not you now is it?” Willow said gently turning his head to face her, “The Spike of the past couple years wouldn’t do those things.”
“How do you know that.” Spike said, “I couldn’t do those things. I thought about it a lot though. I wanted to do them. God just a matter of weeks ago I tried to rape Buffy.”
“You thought about doing those things. Didn’t mean you would’ve. When Buffy died you could have left us. We couldn’t have handled everything without you. But you didn’t. Why because you made a promise to protect Dawn. Does that sound like the vampire who you’ve been dreaming about. And as far as Buffy. It was wrong. You shouldn’t have done it. But know what Spike. The only one’s saying you tried to rape her are you and Xander. Buffy doesn’t think so. She hates you again. But she says it wasn’t rape.” Willow said reassuring the vampire.
“Still, the things I did for over a hundred years. And I enjoyed it. I liked torturing and killing all those people.” Spike said, “Part of me still wants to be able to do it again.”
“The demon in you always will. But you’re more than the demon Spike. The man is still there too, you just need to listen to him a little more.”
“Right then. So why are you outside my room in the middle of the night?” Spike asked wanting to talk about anything but his past.
“Couldn’t sleep.” Willow said softly.
“Why?”
“Same reason you can’t.” Willow said.
“Little red headed girl woke you up?” Spike asked raising an eyebrow.
“Yep.” Willow said smiling, “like little leprechauns all over the hotel.”
“Sure. Now what’s the story.” Spike said reaching over to pull her closer to him.
“I can’t talk about it tonight Spike.” Willow said resting her head on the vampire. “I don’t even want to think about it anymore, maybe in a few days.”
“You made me talk about it.” Spike pointed out.
“And I will tell you soon.” Willow said, “Right now I just want to sleep.”
“Here?” Spike asked eyeing the girl curled up next to him.
“Is it okay.” Willow said softly, “Maybe it’ll keep the nightmares away. For both of us.”
“Sure.” Spike replied sliding them both down lower on the bed and pulling the blanket over their bodies.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!
Angel stood outside the door. He had been ready to go in and talk to Spike again. He had been having these nightmares since he arrived. Willow had already been in the room though, and Spike had told her more in a few minutes than he had told Angel in a week. He had stayed outside the door in case he was needed but realized quickly that maybe the two of them needed to talk to each other more than him.
Angel could relate to what they were going through but it had been a very long time. They were both experiencing the same thing right now. Hopefully they could help each other deal with their feelings.