SERIES: Choices #10
AUTHOR: Tisienne Blue
E-MAIL: tisatko@msn.com
POV: the Spikey one's.
&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*
She's a bloody work of art, my girl is. She's smart, and funny, and more beautiful than I ever could have known just from looking at her. Not that she isn't fucking gorgeous, 'cause she bloody well *is*, but she gets even more so every day. Or she does as far as *I'm* concerned!
Her hair... her eyes... I never get tired of seeing her in candle light... moon light... hell, even the bloody flourescents treat her well! My favourite way to see her, though, is like *this*-- naked and pale against our black cotton sheets, skin softly silvered by the moon coming through our window... round, soft breasts rising and falling slowly while she sleeps...
I can't help touching her, she looks so... *perfect*, and I smile when her eyes open, and there's such an amazing degree of love in her eyes, and... I'm starting to sound like Peaches again.
I never understood-- back when he was all ga-ga for the Slayer-that-was-- how having a soul could make him ignore everything in order to love a human. I didn't even really understand it when I thought I loved the same girl. But I bloody well do *now*, and with nary a soul inside me.
But her small, warm hands are on my aching, hungry skin, and I don't want to think about what I have to do. No, I only want to feel her... touch her... *love* her. So I do.
I take her sweet, tight nipples between my teeth, one after the other, and my entire body jumps when she arches against me, but I want to take my time with her... want to feel every possible moment we have left, because... Nothing lasts forever, and much as I want this to be the exception to that fucking rule, I know it's not.
Her body arches again when I dip my tongue into her navel, and I know I'm moaning hard against her skin, but I don't care. It's nothing she hasn't heard before. And I'm slipping my lips down slightly, covering her hot core, and she's so wet it's beyond flattering, and I *still* can't figure out what she tastes like, but... it's the most perfect flavour in the world.
Her little moans and whimpers are just... endearing, and they're driving me wild, and I don't think I can... And her fingers are in my hair. She pulls me up her tight, quivering form, and I can see her eyes going wide when she sees the tears in mine, but... 'Love you, pet,' I say softly, pulling her over me while I roll onto my back.
Her hands are on my chest now, and she lets loose that tiny gasp she always releases when she takes me in to her gentle heat, and I force the rest of my tears to stay right where they are. If she sees them, she might suspect, and I can't let that happen. Not now.
My fingers close, for what I know will be the last time, on her softly rounded hips, and I smile as much as I can into her eyes. She's astonishing to me, and not just because she makes love to me so perfectly, but... Shit! I have to stop thinking of it that way!
So I close my eyes, and just... focus on the way she's making me feel, and when she tightens around me, her fingers digging hard into me...? I find myself arching hard beneath her, crying her name in sorrow-tinged ecstasy even as I spill ribbons of dead seed deep within her. This is gonna be so much harder than I thought...
// I will leave behind all of my clothes I wore when I was with you...
All I need's my railroad boots, and my leather jacket.
As I say good-bye to Ruby's arms, although my heart is breaking...
I will steal out through your blinds, for soon you will be waking. //
She's sleeping now, and I still can't bring myself to leave her. I bloody well *have* to, though. It's the only way... The only way to keep her safe.
I never wanted to make her a target; Hell, I didn't even try to bite her, even though I'm pretty sure I *could* have, what with her wanting me to, and all.
Oh, she never *said* so, but... I *know* her! She doesn't do things by halves, and loving me is no exception. She gave herself to me, and did it *fully*, and *I* *can't* *fucking* *do* *this*! I can't just... *walk* *away* *from* *her*! And I don't *want* to! But that doesn't change the fact that... It's all I can do.
I think, at first, the other demons in town thought it was all a great joke. That I was setting her up for something. They were sure of it when I didn't mark her. But it's been more than two months, now, and... I never stopped hunting them. I even got *better* at it after she moved into this house with me. And that didn't escape their notice.
No, they've finally figured out-- slow as they are-- how to get to me. They're after my girl, and they won't stop until she's dead or turned. So, there really *is* only the one way out of this for me... or at least, there's only one way where my Red gets to stay human and alive, and that means... I have to leave.
The sun's coming up; I can feel it. But it's supposed to be overcast, so I guess I can't wait any longer. I'm going to miss her more than anything I've ever known, but if I love her, I have to go. For *her* sake.
// The morning light has washed your face, and everything is blue now...
Hold on to your pillow case; there's nothing I can do... now...
As I say good-bye to Ruby's arms... You'll find another soldier,
And I swear to God, by Christmas time...
There'll be someone else to hold you... //
I can barely manage to get dressed, I hurt so bad. It's like someone is ripping my dead heart from my chest and stomping on it. Sadly, that someone is me.
But maybe, once I'm gone, her little friends will forgive her. They'll give her a big round of 'I told you so'-s, but I think they'll let her back in, eventually. Hell, maybe even the witch-bitch'll take her back.
I'm all demon-y at the very thought, though. I can't stand the idea that *anyone* will touch my Red after I'm gone! Of course, she'll move on. I *know* that. Really. Doesn't mean I have to *like* it, does it? It also drives it home to me that... it has to be a *clean* break. I can never come back here again. Never hear about what's going on in her life. Because the *minute* I found out she had a lover, I'd be back here, tearing his head from his shoulders and spitting in the neck hole. Or *her* head, depending on what my Red decides to go for.
Yeah, a clean break. No regrets. No sorrows over it. That's the way to do this. Too bad I can't convince my fucking heart.
// The only thing I'm taking is the scarf off of your clothesline...
I'll hurry past your chest of drawers, and your broken wind chimes...
As I say good-bye, I'll say good-bye...
Good-bye to Ruby's arms... //
I wish I could kiss her one last time, but I know exactly what that would lead to. It's the same thing that's happened every morning for the last week, and... If I wait even one more day, I know I won't be able to do this. I'm not good enough for her, but that doesn't stop me from wanting her, and... staying here will just get her killed.
She'll hate me when she realizes I've gone for good, and while a big part of me is raging over that, I know it's for the best. She'll scream, and cry, and eventually curse me loudly, and... The rest of the demons in Sunnyhell will understand that she means nothing to me. They'll see that if she mattered, I wouldn't have treated her like that, and... At first, they'll all laugh at her for being gullible enough to believe that I loved her. Then they'll probably have a party 'cause I'm not killing them anymore, and then...? Then, with any luck, they'll forget all about the little redheaded witch who owns me just as much as she would if she had papers that said so. I'll be miserable, but... she'll be *alive*, and one day she'll be happy again. Just... not with me.
// I will feel my way down the darkened hall and out into the morning;
The hobos at the train yard have kept their fires burning...
And Jesus Christ, this god-damned rain... will someone put me on a train...
I'll never kiss your lips again... or break your heart...
As I say good-bye, I'll say good-bye... //
Well, at least I know Peaches'll understand. He's done this before, himself, and... maybe he can tell me how to just... let it go. Maybe.
Or maybe he'll stake me on sight, the way he swore he'd do if I hurt her. I'm not sure I'd mind, in the end. She lives inside me now, and I don't know how to get her out of me... or even if I *want* to. I know I deserve the pain, though. I bet he'll be surprised to hear *that*!
It'll probably make him laugh. After almost a hundred and fifty years, I'm finally sorry for something, even if it's *not* the people I killed. Yeah, he'll get an enormous bloody chuckle out of it, I'm sure. Big poncy git that he is, he'll probably fall down in hysterics.
But that's alright. I can handle it. What I *can't* handle is the fact that I'm less than a hundred miles from her, and I already feel like my innards have been yanked out, twisted, set on fire, and then stitched back into my worthless carcass.
If my Sire can't help me... it'll have to be the stake.
// Say good-bye... to Ruby's arms... //
End.