SERIES: Choices (#9)
AUTHOR: Tisienne Blue
E-MAIL: tisatko@msn.com
POV: it's Willow's turn...
I should have known it was too good to be true. I mean, he's *Spike*! And yeah, he went and bought that house, and he *seemed* to want me there with him... He said he *loved* me, and like an idiot, I believed him!
I actually believed that he meant it... that there would never be anyone else for him... that he felt something *close* to what I feel for him, but... obviously, I was wrong, because... she's back. The fucking *bitch* is actually *back*, and what makes it worse is... not even one of my 'friends' thought to *tell* me!
Now, I know they're not exactly talking to me at the moment, but *one* of them could have slipped a *note* under the door.. or something! But I guess they all think I'm getting what I deserve for choosing Spike and me over *them* and me... except Anya. *She* seems to understand, and I'm actually sorry that we never got to be closer, but what with the way she thought I was after Xander-- even while I was with Tara-- I can understand. And she *did* leave that message on our machine; it's not *her* fault that I didn't understand what she meant until it was too late. I'm guessing she was calling from the magic shop, so 'trouble's a-brewin'...' was probably all she *could* say without upsetting the others.
I could have found a way to talk to her alone if I'd really tried, but... I was being stubborn, and I thought she meant there was something going on with the group... Not something that would be like *this*!
I can't believe the bitch is back again, though! But she is, and... It wasn't anything big that clued me. It was a whole bunch of *little* stuff.
Spike's never really been the moody type, but he's been known to have his moments-- especially since he got that 'sodding' chip in his head-- but for the last few days, he's been even *less* moody than usual. He stopped feeding in the house, but I kinda figured he thought I wouldn't want to see his blood in the fridge next to my milk and juice. Idiot that I am where he's concerned, I thought it was *cute* that he was thinking about something so silly! And he started... sneaking out at night, after he was sure I was asleep.
Now, I'm not one to deny my love a little bit of demon-y fun, because... it makes him happy to get out and have what he calls 'a nice spot of violence', but I *did* notice him leaving; of *course* I did! I mean, we could finally spend the entire night wrapped around each other in *our* *house*, so when he'd creep from the bed, I was anything *but* oblivious!
It wasn't until I noticed that his clothes weren't torn-- or even slightly mussed-- in the morning, that I started to wonder, so... I followed him tonight, and... the *fucking* *bitch* *is* *back*!
That skank thinks she can take him from me, but... she obviously doesn't know what she's dealing with! I'm not the same quiet, mousy, 'whatever you want' kind of girl she must be remembering! She can't just waltz back in here with her skinny, bony ass and take *my* man... vamp... whatever! And I don't *care* how many pairs of leather pants and mini-skirts she tosses over her lanky self! Spike is *mine*, no matter *what* the 'stars' might tell her!
Sounds like a good attitude, doesn't it? Sounds entirely reasonable, even. So... why is he in this graveyard with her? Why are they sitting there on that sarcophagus, and... why is he drinking from her, when he won't even *try* to bite me? I'm trying to stay 'strong, confident Willow', here, but... A part of me wants to just run away, and keep running until Spike and Sunnydale are nothing more than a distant memory.
Unfortunately, there isn't anywhere far enough that I'd be able to escape the sight of him and Drusilla... together again.
No! I can't think that way! He makes me *happy*, damn it! He's the only one who's ever made me truly thrilled in my life! And I'm not gonna let that go-- not for Dru; not for *anyone*! I don't *care* that they have a history; I don't care that she obviously wants him *back* now! He gave himself to *me*, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let that change!
I put a spell on you... because you're mine...
You better stop the things you do...
I ain't lyin'... No, I ain't lyin'...
You know I can't stand it, you're running around...
I can't stand it... 'cause you put me down...
I put a spell on you... because you're mine...
Okay, so I was kind of... shocked and confused when I saw them in the graveyard last night. Well, shocked, confused, and *angry*, but... I watched them for a long time, and... Nothing happened, other than the whole biting thing. It looked like they talked... maybe even laughed a bit. But I still feel kind of... betrayed, I guess. I mean, why didn't he *tell* me? Did he think I couldn't handle it...? He's well over a hundred, so... I know he has to have a few ex-es out there. Or maybe not. Maybe there was always only Drusilla for him, which is a little bit intimidating. I mean, what if she was *it* for him? What if... no, I'm not gonna do this to myself. He's with *me* now; shouldn't that be enough? I'm not sure; we haven't exactly discussed his past relationships. We haven't talked about mine, either, but... He was *here* for all of that! He knows about Oz, and Gods know he's well aware of my relationship with Tara! He was the one I ended it for, after all!
But he's not *acting* like there's anything wrong. Other than his unexplained wanderings at night, everything's just like it was before she showed up here. He holds me close, and makes me shudder with his cool touch, and when he's buried deep inside me...? When he shouts out my name, and his entire body is rocked by the force of his orgasms...? When he chuckles, soft and low, and presses himself harder against me, until I eventually fall asleep...? It doesn't feel like he's trying to leave me. It feels like... he's home.
And when I wake up, early in the afternoon, he's there beside me-- still as stone, but but no less beautiful and perfect. There's always that same small smile on his lips-- that smile that says he's exactly where he wants to be. And maybe he is. I hope so, because... I've seen that smile before; still do-- every day, when I get up and look in the mirror.
It's almost frightening, how whole he makes me feel. I've never known this sensation before, and I'm not willing to *stop* knowing it. Everything in me cries out that this was meant to be! That he was intended for me from the very beginning! So... *fuck* Drusilla. She had her chance, and she sent him away. *I* won't make that mistake. *Ever*!
I love you... I love you... I love you...
I love you anyhow...
And I don't care if you don't want me,
'Cause I'm yours right now...
It worked just the way I knew it would. I can *feel* him now. And maybe it's wrong for me to be doing spells in secret, especially on the one being I love more than my own life, but... I once told Buffy that love makes you do the wacky, and I guess I was more right than I knew. Besides, it wasn't anything *bad*. I just... made sure that I'll always know where he is. It doesn't mean I'll know what he's feeling, or even what he's *doing*! I'll just know where he *is*. And I won't act on the information, unless it's entirely necessary. Like if one of the pissed-off demons in this town decides to use him for revenge against me or the rest of the gang. Not that any of them would care, but...
See, I watched him again last night; saw the thinly veiled look of disgust on his face when Dru tried to get him to drink from her throat instead of her wrist, and... He doesn't want her. She may well want *him* back, but... he's not interested. He pushed her away and left, and he must have gone to Willie's, because that's the only way I could have made it home before him.
I ran into the house, and stripped, crawling naked into our bed, and... he was there, less than a half an hour later, surrounding me with the smell of leather and tobacco, and a slight bit of whiskey. I felt the mattress dip, then he was pressed tightly against my back, and his arms snaked around me, and...
'She isn't you, pet,' he whispered into my ear, 'She could never be *you*...'
I turned in his arms then, and looked into his almost too-blue eyes. 'You knew...?' I asked him, and I was honestly shocked.
'I always know where you are,' he told me softly, a pleased smile crossing his lips. 'I have since the night your friends found out about us. You're mine, Willow... Just as much as you would be if I claimed you.'
And even in the midst of the love making that followed, I couldn't help but wonder why he wouldn't... why he *hadn't*!
Maybe I'm a sick, twisted individual, but... I *want* that! I want to feel his sharply jagged teeth piercing my flesh. I want to feel him straining against me while my blood flows into his mouth, nourishing him... binding us together. I want to bear his mark on my throat for all the world to see! I want every vampire and demon in Sunnydale to know whose I am, and... I guess he's not ready, and... I used to be patient. I used to be happy to wait for things to happen in their own time, but I'm not anymore. So, that's why the spell.
It's not anywhere near being what I'd feel if he *did* claim me, but... it lets me feel that much more connected to him, and that can't be a *bad* thing, can it? Not when every single part of me is crying out to belong to him officially.
No, I'm his. I just wish he'd realize it.
I put a spell on you...
Because... you're... mine...
End.