Parts: 11 - 20
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~Part: 11~
Willow and Angel were talking quietly in the office when Allyson stepped through the doors. The vampire examined her closely. Even though her appearance didn’t give it away, he could still smell the tears under her fake smile.
“Ally,” Willow whispered when she saw her friend, “I’ve been, umm, explaining to Angel about what happened.”
“Oh, okay,” Allyson replied quietly before mentally scolding herself. Strong, she had to be strong. She could mope and cry later, “Eric left so I don’t know why he went and umm, did everything.”
Angel motioned for them to follow him and they went through his office and into his elevator. The three remained quiet until they got down to his apartment. Angel pointed at the couch as he walked into the kitchen, pouring some hot water from the pot for Allyson.
Willow sat next to Allyson, her hand on her knee, a small smile on her face, “Things are going to be okay, Ally.”
“Yeah, I know, but umm,” she clasped her hands as her voice cracked, “I’m just having a hard time convincing myself of that right now. I’ll be okay,” she reassured them, “I will.” She smiled up at Angel, thankful for the amount of support she was getting. And, to think, only a few hours ago she was in the position of giving the support, not receiving it.
“I’m sorry about this. I knew I smelled the deceit on him earlier but I,” he looked down guiltily, “I didn’t do anything about it.”
“It’s not your fault,” Allyson whispered softly.
“Smelled the deceit?” Willow asked curiously, “You can do that?”
“Vampire,” Angel stated.
“Oh,” Willow replied, letting her mind run over the fact, “Interesting.”
“What was he saying?” Allyson asked, “If you smelled the deceit that means he was lying about something.”
“He said that he was a private detective.”
Allyson’s brow furrowed at this, “No, he’s not. He’s a lawyer. He works for, umm,” she looked down, “Crap. I forgot the name.”
“Wolfram & Hart,” Willow supplied, “I’m pretty sure that was what you said.”
Angel tensed visibly at the name, “I should’ve known,” he said quietly, more to himself than them, “I should’ve *known* they would have something to do with this.”
“What?”
“He was fully lying. They are lawyers,” he paused, “But, they don’t fight for good. They work for just about every lowly demon or human scum there is. As long as they have money, Wolfram & Hart works for them.”
“So, what, somebody hired Eric?”
“No,” Angel thought about it for a second, “I don’t think somebody hired him but I do think that Willow is a part of some big deal.” He looked down at the redhead when something finally came to him, “Your powers.”
Allyson’s head snapped up at the words, “He said something before about how you wanted to take Willow’s powers.”
Willow laughed nervously at this, “Umm, that’s not the most comforting thing to hear.”
Angel looked at her apologetically before asking, “When was the first time you met him, Willow?”
“On the bus,” she answered, “When I first woke up, he was right next to me. I didn’t remember anything then, and the only thing I had was this,” Willow fished around in her pockets for the piece of paper that she had kept with her since it was one of her only belongings, “Here,” she handed it to Angel.
He looked down at it, his eyes narrowing as he mentally translated the words, “Lies,” he said quietly, “That’s what’s written here, ‘lies’.”
Willow brought her hand up to her head as another flashback ripped through her mind, this one hurting more then any of the previous ones. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to push away the pain so she could pay attention the images and voices running through her mind.
“Who are you?” Willow asked as she struggled against Eric, his grip growing tighter as he tried to hold her still, “Get away from me.” She pushed him away, her only intent and focus was to get to Buffy or Giles’ house. Drusilla did something to her, she could feel it, she just didn’t know what. A flash of pain hit her and traveled through her body, starting from her head going down all the way to her feet. She collapsed onto the ground, feeling the rock and cement scrape against her skin. When her eyes fluttered open again, things were a little bit more blurry and she couldn’t remember why she was there. All she knew was that a man was helping her, and he seemed strangely familiar. “What’s going on?”
“Come on,” he said pleadingly, “We have to go. We’re gonna miss the bus.”
She looked at him and instinctively knowing that something was very, very wrong. He opened the door to the bus station and she felt another rush of pain hit her and she struggled to keep her balance. She stumbled into an open phone booth as the man left her to buy tickets. She looked down at the pen and the phone book and ripped a small piece of paper out before scribbling in Latin, a language she was for some reason familiar with but she couldn’t remember why. She looked down at the piece of paper after she finished writing the word but suddenly, the once familiar word became foreign. When she looked up again, she saw that same man in front of her. “Where are we going?”
Without answering her questions, he tried to grab her arm and force her away but she pushed at him with all the energy she had left in her. A look of desperation flashed across his face before he brought his fist down against the back of her head. And, then, everything went black.
Willow’s eyes snapped open and she leaned down against the couch, resting her head against the armrest.
“What is it?” Allyson asked worriedly, “What’d you see?”
“Eric, he, he captured me or something,” she massaged her forehead, trying to get rid of the pain, “I remember struggling against him and I was on my way to Buffy’s house and uhh,” she paused, trying to fish the name from her memories, “Giles, I think is the name. I was going to one of their houses because Drusilla did something to me. I just didn’t know what. And, then, something went through me, something powerful and I collapsed onto the ground in pain. The next thing I remember is Eric picking me up off the ground and taking me to the bus station. The pain hit me again and I stumbled into a phone booth and I wrote ‘lies’ in Latin because I knew Latin.” She looked down and tried to focus again, “My spells, I use Latin when I’m translating my spells. When I was done writing it, he was there again and I tried to get away from him but I was weak. The rushes of pain took a lot of energy from me and I think he hit me over the head because the next thing I saw was black.”
Allyson looked at her in horror, her hand pressed up against her lips as she felt her eyes getting teary again. All this time, he had been lying to her and she never knew it. She just went right along with the lies, in a way, helping him destroy Willow. God, how foolish could she get? Allyson moved closer to Willow, holding onto her tightly as the tears began to pour over her eyes, “God, Willow, I’m so sorry. I’m *so* sorry.”
Willow hugged her back, leaning her head against Allyson’s shoulders as she felt the tears begin to form behind her eyes.
Angel rolled his hand into a fist, the anger surging through him. His face softened when he saw the look in Willow’s eyes. He knelt down on one knee and pushed the hair out of Willow’s face, “I’m sorry.”
Willow sniffled a few times before clearing her throat and pushing herself out of Angel’s arms, “It’s okay. It happened and-and I was the one who wanted to know more and so, now I do,” she looked down before taking a deep breath, calming her nerves, “I just- I didn’t expect *this*, you know?”
The two occupants of the room nodded silently and waited for her to continue.
“But, I needed to know. I need to know all of it,” she stated firmly, “Did you call them yet, Angel?”
“Yes,” he said quietly, “They’re expecting us at Giles’ a few hours after sunset.”
“Oh,” Willow replied, the enormity of the situation finally hitting her, “Well,” she grabbed onto Allyson’s hand for support, “I guess I’ll find out who Willow Rosenberg really is tomorrow then.”
“Sweetie,” Allyson looked at her seriously, “You don’t need to if you don’t want to.”
After a few moments of silence, Willow said, “I want to. I want to know.”
~Part: 12~
~“Will, why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
Willow stared at Buffy nervously, “I didn’t know how-how you’d react.”
“Probably along the same lines as I am right now. God, Willow, he’s a killer. How can you just sit there and *tell* me that you love him?”
“Buffy, I know. I know all this believe me, I’ve told myself this plenty of times but I just, I can’t help what I feel.”
“And, so because of that you’re just going to stay with him? How does it feel, Willow, knowing that the man, no, he’s not even a man, he’s a *vampire. How does it feel, huh, tell me, how does it feel to know that the *corpse* that you sleep with kills innocent people every night?”
“He’s, he’s not killing anymore,” Willow said softly, “He doesn’t kill them, he just takes some blood and then stops.”
“And that makes it right?” Buffy asked incredulously, “What if Spike just loses that control one day, huh? What if he gives into the bloodlust and just kills the victim? That’s what they are, Willow, *victims*.”
Willow held her head and backed away, “God, not everything is black and white, Buffy. Things are-things are different.”
“You told me everything, remember? He practically raped you the first time,” Buffy looked down sadly, “This is my fault too. If I found you sooner then this wouldn’t have happened.”
“Buffy, please, don’t blame yourself. This isn’t anybody’s fault. There’s no *fault* at all. The bottom line is that I love him Buffy, can you accept that?”
“No,” Buffy said firmly, “I can’t. He’s a killer and he always will be.”
“He’s *not* killing anymore,” Willow protested, “He can change, people can *change*. And, he’s willing to change, for me, he’s willing to change for me because he *loves* me.”
“He’s not people, Will,” Buffy replied quietly, “He’s a *monster*.”
Willow shook her head sadly, “And, what about Angel? He’s a monster too.”
“He has a soul.”
“That doesn’t justify *anything*! He killed too and you know it. He killed and he enjoyed it. Heck, he’s probably taken more lives then Spike did. Buffy, I thought you would understand more then anyone.”
Buffy looked at her best friend, tears forming in her eyes. She raised a trembling hand to her face, “I know, Will, I’m sorry but I just- I can’t- I can’t believe all this. I mean, you and Spike, kinda a big thing there.” She looked down shamefully, “I just, I reacted badly I know, but you’re my best friend, Will. I can’t lose you. I’m just, I’m scared.”
Willow looked at her tearfully and hugged the blonde tightly, “You won’t lose me. I promise you, you won’t. I know that you probably won’t understand our relationship and I don’t need you to but I just, I need you to accept it.”
Buffy let out a sigh of defeat and looked Willow in the eye, “You really love him, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I do. I can’t help it, I really do.”
“You’re right, I don’t understand it and I probably never will but right now, I can’t accept it. Not so soon. But, I’ll try, okay?”~
Willow gasped as she awoke. She raised her hand to her cheeks and felt the wetness. She had really cried. She had already concluded before that Buffy was one of her friends but now Willow knew that Buffy was more than that. In her life before, Buffy was her best friend and a very important figure in her life. Probably something along the lines of how much Allyson meant to her right now.
The redhead pushed the covers off of herself and got out of bed before pulling them over Allyson. She looked at the brunette and could see the tension in her face. Poor girl was still trying to deal with everything and be strong at the same time. Willow felt nothing but guilt at that moment. This was all because of her; she was the reason why all of this happened. It was because of her that Eric did what he did, it was because of her that Allyson was hurting and it was because of her that Angel was feeling angry with himself. Somehow, she’d managed to hurt everyone around her without even trying.
And that scared her more than anything else. Willow looked down at the alarm clock. 5:35. She wasn’t tired, so going back to sleep wasn’t an option for her. But she didn’t want to stay in the room anymore. She just needed some fresh air. Trying to stay as quiet as she could, Willow walked out of Angel’s room and shut the door gently before tip-toeing her way into the living room and up the stairs, trying her best not to wake Angel up. When she finally got up to the main office, she let out a sigh of relief and walked out into the lobby and finally outside. She sat on the steps and put her elbows on her knees, watching as the sun peeked from beneath the horizon.
As Willow watched the sun rise, the emotions swirled around her and one by one, she sorted them out the best she could. She felt guilty, even though inside, she knew she shouldn’t but in a way, everything began with her, she was the reason why things were the way they were. She felt uncertain, not knowing what to expect in Sunnydale. Would they be welcoming or would they be cold? She didn’t know them anymore. Not any of them. She barely remembered any of them. Would they still care for her or would they shun her? She felt betrayed. The first person she put her trust into since she awoke and started a new life was only there because he wanted something from her. She had trusted him so much and he betrayed that trust and inside, that hurt more then she wanted it to. Eric and Allyson had been her only friends since she arrived in LA and they meant so much to her. But, even though her rational mind knew all that he did was wrong, she still felt sad that she never got the chance to say goodbye. And now, she never would. He was gone.
Willow let out a heavy sigh and pushed the hair out of her face. Out of all the emotions she felt, there was one that was lacking. Belonging. She didn’t belong here, not in LA. She never did and she doubted she ever would. And she knew that she didn’t belong in Sunnydale either. She wasn’t who she was before, at least, she didn’t think so. The feelings, emotions, and connections with her life before were now severed. She couldn’t just pretend and go along with everything else, not when she didn’t even remember the majority of her life there.
She didn’t belong anywhere.
~^~**~^~
~”You are so lying.”
Eric raised an eyebrow as he walked a few steps closer, “And why do you think that? I mean, come on, Al, when have I ever lied to you?”
Allyson smirked at him, “Well, I don’t know, you might be lying now. No, wait, scratch that, you are.”
“Some friend you are, no trust whatsoever.”
She grinned, “Alright, I’m just teasing, you know that.” Allyson dropped down onto the couch as she leaned her head against it before looking up at him, “You know, I’m gonna miss you.”
“Aww, tear.”
“Oh, bite me. You know, I am trying to be all caring here. Your sarcasm is not helping.”
He smiled at her before sitting onto the couch next to her, “Yeah, I’ll miss you too.”
“England? I mean, for the whole summer? That’s gotta be killer.”
“Yeah, it is. But, you know, a few weeks without your lame jokes and unwitty banter, pure torture.”
She grabbed a pillow from behind her and smacked him across the face, “You’re gonna miss me and you know it.”
“Yeah, I will,” he replied honestly before jumping on her and tickling her sides. “And you will miss me too. Come on, Ally, say it!”
She tried to push him off of her through her giggles, “I already did!”
“Say it again.”
Allyson gasped loudly before giggling again, “Alright, alright! I’ll miss you!”~
Allyson’s eyes fluttered open as she snapped back to reality. She sat up on the bed and couldn’t help but shudder at the darkness in the room. What time was it? Looking for a clock, she saw that it was already half past 7:00. So where was the sun? She blinked a few times before it all came back to her. Vampire. Angel. Willow. Eric.
She bit her lower lip at the last name, trying her best to push back the tears. Brushing the hair out of her face, she couldn’t ignore the flashes of images and sounds from her dream. She couldn’t forget the way he smiled when she made a stupid joke. She couldn’t forget the way he would always support her, even if he knew that she was wrong. She couldn’t forget the way he would try to be a guy-guy around his friends but somehow always making a fool of himself. She couldn’t forget any of it, as much as she wanted to. Eric was a huge part of her life. He was her best friend and one of the people that she loved the most. And now, he was gone.
Allyson crawled out of the bed before holding onto the side with her right hand. She used her left hand to clutch at her chest, silently wishing she could make the memories and pain stop. Never before in her life had anything hurt so much. Not her parent’s divorce, not when her first love broke up with her, no, because through all those times, Eric was there to give her comfort. Feeling the pain inside, her first reaction was to run to him, but he wasn’t there anymore.
He wouldn’t ever be there again.
Sniffling, the brunette made her way to the bathroom. She grabbed one of the toothbrushes that Angel had given her last night and began to brush her teeth. As she did, she stared at the toothpaste, the cleansing device bringing back even more memories.
~ “Al, do you have any other kind of toothpaste?”
“Why?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Because I have sensitive teeth. Plus, I don’t like mint.”
Allyson bit back a laugh, “You don’t like mint? I didn’t realize toothpaste came in other flavors.”
“Bubble gum,” he stated bluntly.
She burst out into laughter at that, “You want me to buy you some kiddie toothpaste?”
He shot her a glare before throwing the tube at her, making the mistake of squeezing. A glob of toothpaste landed on his forehead and Allyson couldn’t help but laugh even harder. ~
The tears of pain began to slide down her face again as she brushed her teeth. She was full out sobbing by the time she was done. Collapsing onto the bathroom floor, she brought her knees up to her chest as she cried it all out.
~Part: 13~
Angel stopped in his cooking as he smelled something salty coming from the bathroom. His head snapped up as he realized what it was, tears. Looking at Willow who was sitting at the table, hungrily eating her eggs and toast, he turned off the stove and walked out of the kitchen.
“What is it?”
“Uhhh,” he paused, “I just remembered something. I’ll be right back.”
Willow gave him a curious look before shrugging, “Alright, if you say so.”
He walked towards his bedroom, silently wondering why he didn’t tell Willow that Allyson was crying. He knew that the redhead would probably want to go and comfort her and it was probably best that she did but then again, Willow had enough to deal with as it was. As Angel opened the door, he flinched visibly, able to feel the waves of pain and loss pouring off the girl. She reminded him a lot of Buffy. She could be polar opposites, hot to cold, strong to weak, and that intrigued him. He stepped into the bathroom and saw her on the floor, curled up into a fetal position and he couldn’t help but feel a strain at his heart. He didn’t know why he cared so much. After all, he had just met her and in those few hours, she already threatened him more than a few times.
“Allyson?”
Her head snapped up as she heard him calling her name. Her eyes widened as she saw who it was before she scrambled to her feet, wiping her tears away. “Hey, Angel.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, umm, there was just, uhh, something in my eye.”
“Right,” he said softly, knowing that she didn’t want to admit what she was really doing. “I’ve made some breakfast.”
“Oh,” she forced out a smile, “That’s great. Breakfast sounds umm, great. I’ll be out in a sec.”
He nodded, feeling a bit idiotic at the lack of help he was giving. He turned away for a few seconds before changing his mind and looking her in the eye again, “If you need to talk—”
She sighed, “Yeah, I know, you’re there.”
“I just wanted you to know.”
“Thank you, Angel. Really, for just, everything.”
“It’s not a problem.”
They looked at each other for a few more silent moments before Angel turned back around and walked out of the bathroom and back into the main hallway. Allyson put both hear hands on the counter and looked herself in the mirror, “Get a hold of yourself.”
She cleared her throat and splashed her face with cold water before towel drying it. Looking back up at the mirror one more time, she pushed out a smile and nodded before walking out of the bathroom and into the kitchen.
“Hey, sweetie.”
“Hey Ally.”
“I swear, it’s inhumane to wake up this early.”
“You could’ve gotten a few more hours of sleep if you wanted to.”
Allyson shrugged, “Yeah, I know but I get my body got enough of it.” She looked up at Angel, “So, what’s on the agenda for today?”
“I’ve called Cordelia, she’s my secretary, and I’ve told her about how I’m going to Sunnydale for a few days.”
“Is she okay with it?”
Angel smiled, “I think ecstatic is the word. She’s been wanting a break for awhile now.”
“Slave driver,” Allyson commented before grabbing a piece of toast off the plate.
“So, I guess it’s just a matter of packing. How long is that going to take you?”
Allyson’s smile faltered at the thought of going back to her apartment. She couldn’t, not this soon. Both Angel and Willow noticed her change of demeanor and Angel quickly recovered, “Or, you know, you could just go out and buy some stuff. It’ll give you something to do during the day.”
Willow nodded eagerly, “Yeah, Ally, shopping.” According to Allyson, shopping cured everything. She really hoped that it was true in the brunette’s case.
“Sure,” Allyson replied, “What time should we be back?”
“Anytime before sunset.”
“And what do you plan to do for the whole day?”
Angel shrugged, “I’ll figure something out.”
~Part: 14~
“What’s the weather like in Sunnydale?” Allyson asked as she examined a shirt.
Willow paused for a moment before answering, “Warm, very warm.”
“So, should I go for long sleeves, ¾ sleeves, short sleeves, or no sleeves at all?”
“¾ sleeves or short sleeves,” Willow continued to look through the clothes as Allyson picked out a few tops before asking, “How are you?”
Allyson tried for nonchalance, “I’m fine. I’m just debating if I want this in lilac or black.”
“You’ll look great in both,” the redhead moved forward and stood right next to her, “I don’t want to force anything but you know, if you ever want to talk,” she waved her hand, “Hi!”
Allyson smiled at her before sighing and putting down the shirt. She looked down, examining the floor of the store, “I’m having dreams about him. I keep-I keep remembering things. Stuff from last summer and I don’t know, it just hurts.” She paused, “A lot.” She looked up and gave Willow a genuine smile, “But, hey, at least I’ve got the support.”
“You do,” Willow reassured, “Don’t ever forget that.” The redhead was silent for a few moments before revealing a few things herself, “I umm, I had a dream too. About-about Buffy.”
“What was it?”
“We were talking about my relationship with Spike.”
“You mean the vampire, the other one?”
“Yeah and I was telling her about it and she was just having a hard time dealing.” Willow paused for a moment, “I felt it, Ally. I felt how much I loved him and god, that kinda just freaks me out a bit because right now, I don’t even know him. I still don’t know what’s going on. These memories, they come back to me in flashes and I don’t even know if I’ll remember it all in the end. You know?”
“You’re scared that they won’t accept you because of that?”
“No, I’m scared because I won’t accept them. From what Angel’s told me so far, I know that they care about me, they care about me a lot. But, I can’t just go back to a bunch of strangers and pretend I feel the same way about them. And, I have a vampire who I loved an awful lot, apparently, and he’s going to be waiting there for me and I don’t know what to do about it. Should I be what I was before, like, lovey-dovey typish or should I be friendly or what? I don’t know.”
“Hun, I think you’re overthinking this. I mean, even if you do decide how you’ll act towards them, when you see them again, that might all change. So, why waste the effort? Just go with it.”
“Is it really that easy?”
“I don’t think any part of this situation is easy, Willow, I think it’s very, very complicated but hey, we’ve gotten this far.”
“Yeah,” Willow replied after a few moments, “You’re right. Thanks.”
“Not a prob.”
~^~**~^~
She wasn’t supposed to be there. Not there. She was supposed to be gone from his life, part of his past, but there she was, standing a few feet away from him, smiling and laughing with Willow.
Eric clenched the side of the wall tighter as he slipped into the shadows, making sure that neither Allyson nor Willow could see him. He could still see her. He could still see the smile on her face that didn’t seem to reach her eyes. He could see how she was clutching onto her bag tighter than usual, meaning that she was stressed out. And, he could see the dark circles under her eyes, meaning that she didn’t get much sleep.
He did that to her. He made her cry. He hurt her. The woman that he loved and was *in* love with. <Hell of a way to prove it.> Eric leaned back against the wall as he watched Allyson and Willow walk away. He sighed before digging into his pockets, grabbing for his cell phone. Flipping it on, he pressed a few buttons and put the phone up to his ear, “Hello? Yes, this is Eric Royce. I’d like to set up an appointment with Mr. Perry. Today? 6:00? Yes, that sounds fine. Okay, thank you very much.”
The rational part of his mind had already figured everything out; there was no way he could run from Wolfram & Hart. They had contacts all over the world and he didn’t fancy spending the rest of his life running. There was nothing to run for; the only thing he truly cared about had just walked away from him. He honestly didn’t know what to expect at the meeting but he had a feeling it would go something along the lines of him being fired, killed, or threatened. Whatever it was, it was going to be good.
~^~**~^~
“Angel, we’re back!”
At Allyson’s announcement, Angel walked out of his office and into the main office, “Wow, did you guys buy the whole store?”
“No,” Allyson smirked, “We left one or two outfits.”
“Don’t worry, we bought quite a large suitcase to fit everything.”
Angel grinned at Willow’s thoughtfulness and leaned against Cordelia’s desk, arms crossed.
“So, whatcha been doing the whole day?”
“Thinking. I stayed in.”
“Don’t you mean brooding?” Willow teased before pausing, “Oh, oh, I’m remembering more now.” She jumped up and down in excitement.
“What is it?”
“Cordelia was never very nice to me, was she?”
Angel paused, thinking about how to answer that question, “Well, to be honest she was never very nice to anyone but she’s different now. A little, at least.” He paused before asking, “But, umm, you didn’t see anything bad in your flashbacks?”
“No, just random tidbits. The major stuff usually comes to me in those big, painful flashbacks.”
Allyson threw her a bottle of Advil, “Here ya go.” She looked up at Angel, “So, when do we leave?”
“Sunset’s in a half hour. Can you guys get packed by then?”
“Yeah, I think we can,” Willow smiled nervously, “Sunnydale, here we come.”
~^~**~^~
Richard Perry was at the rich age of 50. He sat at his desk, his strong fingers tapping against each other as he waited for Eric Royce to step into his office. His deep brown eyes surveyed his office, a small smile on his usually stoic face. He had spent 20 years at the firm, and finally they decided to promote him to senior partner. He remembered how he first started out, graduate out of Harvard Law School, top of his class, always successful in everything he did and then, he came to Wolfram & Hart where they ran things just a little bit differently. He had been an unusually honest person before; that was part of his charm; but the firm changed him, made him different in a way that he considered an improvement. Those around him thought differently.
The young man that he was supposed to be meeting in approximately seven minutes reminded Richard of himself at that age. Eric Royce may not have had the credentials and luxuries that Richard had had, but he had the drive, the determination, and the uncertainty that Richard possessed when he first arrived at Wolfram & Hart. He could tell that the boy had potential, extreme potential. That was why Richard liked him so much.
It was something rare to see these days at Wolfram & Hart. Others who knew the darker side of the company always said that the lawyers here sold their soul for a paycheck but he and Eric were different. They still had a little bit of soul in them, a little bit of emotion. Richard knew that Eric could become someone powerful, much like himself, if the young man stayed with the company. But with the reports he had received from Lilah, Richard had a feeling that Eric was beginning to stray, beginning to have second thoughts, beginning to feel too much.
Richard’s plan wasn’t to punish the man, no, instead, he would reward him, tempt him, make Eric give in.
He knew Eric would agree because Eric was just like him.
And he could never resist temptation.
~^~**~^~
Eric was led into Mr. Perry’s office by a secretary in her early 20’s. She was pretty, poised, and professional, just the type of people that Wolfram & Hart liked. Much unlike himself. He let out a deep sigh as he realized what he was doing. He was going into the company, telling them that he messed up and awaiting the punishment. He should’ve been scared, but he wasn’t. He didn’t even care anymore. He just felt.. nothing.
He was numb inside.
Eric looked up with dull eyes at Richard Perry who currently had an inviting smile on his face.
“Eric, please sit,” Richard gestured towards the chair.
“I’d prefer to stand,” Eric said simply before speaking again, “The deal,” he paused, searching for the right words, “didn’t go the way I had originally planned.”
“There was an interception, if I’m correct. The vampire, Angel?”
“Yeah, he explained things about her past and he heard me talking on the phone with Ms. Morgan. My cover’s been blown and now they’re on their way to Sunnydale.”
“They?”
“Angel and Willow Rosenberg,” Eric lied, not wanting to bring Allyson any further into the whole scenario.
Richard’s brow furrowed before it clicked. So, this was the reason why the young man was so distracted. “I believe there’s another involved in this, her name,” he opened the file in front of him and skimmed the list before coming to the name, “is Allyson Greene.” He saw how Eric’s jaw tightened and it was obvious that the older man had hit a sensitive spot.
There was no way he could lie his way out of this one. No matter what, Richard Perry and Wolfram & Hart would find out everything in the end. “Yes, she’s going as well.”
“I see,” Richard tapped his fingers against the table, a habit he had picked up over the years whenever he was in serious thought. He smiled suddenly, “I suppose you can’t win them all.”
Eric looked up in surprise and cleared his throat, “Excuse me?”
“The cases and deals, you can’t win them all. If we did, it’d be much too easy. That’s the reason why you have to love your job, the stimulation and excitement.” Richard said smoothly, “You encountered a few snags in this case, no need to mull over them.” He lifted up the case file and threw it in the trashcan, “Consider it erased.”
“Wait, *what*?”
“Consider it erased,” Richard repeated, “Now, your next case is here.” He pushed forth a manila envelope, a few papers sticking out from it towards the end of the table where Eric was standing. “It won’t get messy like this one and if you pull it off, the senior partners, myself included,” he flashed Eric a smile, “will be quite impressed. A promotion might even be in order.”
“Another case?” Eric asked incredulously, “You’re giving me another case?”
“Yes.”
“But what about this one?” He pointed at the trashcan.
“Erased, forgotten,” Richard said simply, “No need to worry about it.”
Eric stared at the envelope, not knowing what to say, “I don’t—”
“Know?” Richard finished for him, “Understandable. I’ll give you two days. Tie up any loose strings from your previous case,” he raised an eyebrow and gave Eric a look, knowing that the younger man would know exactly what he meant. The two days would give Eric time to track down Allyson, say his goodbyes and close off his past once and for all. “If you decide to pick up this case again, you know my number. However, if you do decide otherwise, there will be no repercussions.”
“I understand, sir,” Eric said after a few moments, still at a loss for words.
“Well, now, if this is done, I do have a dinner date to get to. The wife hates it when I’m late.”
“Right, of course,” he walked a few steps backwards before pausing, “Thank you, sir,” his words came out more of a question rather then a statement.
Richard stood up and grabbed his jacket off the chair, “No need.”
~^~**~^~
Willow sat in the back seat of Angel’s car, feeling as if she was going to face Judgment Day. Could she really go through with this? She knew that she hadn’t been gone for long, to them at least. But for her, it was like she had a whole new life and the things she remembered before were something from her past life. A life she wasn’t too sure if she wanted to get back into.
She shook her head, not wanting to think anymore on the topic. It seemed she was going round and round, getting to no satisfying point in her head. Resting the side of her head against the window, she closed her eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.
~^~**~^~
Allyson looked back at Willow’s sleeping body, a small smile on her face. She was glad that her friend was getting the much-needed rest. She had a feeling that Willow’s mind was working overtime now that she knew more and more about her past. And here she was, getting ready to face her past. All the things that Willow had thought were just dreams and nightmares were becoming reality.
Allyson shuddered, not even *beginning* to know how that would feel. She glanced at Angel before sighing, “How long?”
“A few minutes.”
She took a sharp intake of breath, “Wow, I mean, I know that this really doesn’t affect me that much but I’m still nervous for her.”
“She’s strong,” Angel said firmly, “She doesn’t give herself enough credit.”
“I know what you mean. If I was in her position, god, I don’t think I could handle it.”
“Not many people can.”
There was a calm silence for the next few minutes before Angel pulled up to the curb, switching gears and turning off the engine. He looked back at Willow and took in a deep unneeded breath, “We’re here.”
~^~**~^~
Willow took a few hesitant steps up the stairs before walking through the garden and arriving in front of Giles’ door. She could feel Angel and Allyson’s presence behind her and it relaxed her bit. Everything was going to be okay. She just had to keep telling herself that.
Raising a shaking finger, she pressed the doorbell and took a step back, waiting for someone to open the door. When it swung open, Willow breathed deeply as she felt a slight chill go down her spine. Calm, she reminded herself, keep calm.
A warm, friendly face greeted her. The man had on glasses and appeared to be older, somewhere in his 40s or early 50s. She felt a familiarity towards him and suddenly, a few flashes and images rushed forth in her mind.
The man before her was injured but still smiling at her, the concern heavy in his voice, “Willow, are you sure you should be out of bed?” The scene shifted and she found herself in the grasps of the same man, hugging her as if he had lost her. Hugging her like she was his daughter.
Willow’s eyes fluttered open and the man was looking at her worriedly, “Willow, are you quite alright?”
A smile immediately slipped onto her lips as she replied, “Yeah, I’m-I’m fine.” She paused for a second as a few random pieces of information filled her mind, “Giles, I’m fine.”
Giles nodded and greeted Angel and Allyson as Willow stepped into the room, her green eyes wide in discovery. It was all so familiar and yet so new. She looked around the living room and saw all the eager and unsure faces of her friends and one by one, as she looked at them, different images flooded forth.
She was on a bed and everything in front of her was misty but the voice, the words, they rang out clear, “Come on, Will. Look, you don't have a choice here. You gotta wake up. I need you, Will. I mean, how am I gonna pass trig, you know? And who am I gonna call every night and talk about everything we did all day? You're my best friend. You've always... I love you.”
Willow looked up through hazy eyes as she whispered, “Xander?” Before he could react, she stumbled into the table and another flash of images barricaded her mind.
She was sitting in the middle of a classroom, the lights were dimmed and it looked like she was doing a spell. A girl of about 17 was sitting in front of her but before she could pay attention to that, another flash of images came forth in her mind and when she pulled back, she was gasping loudly. “That was.. w-what was that?” She asked as she stood up. The girl looked annoyed but before Willow could hear the answer, the scene faded into another. She was standing in what looked like a club, the same girl now in front of her along with another vampire. The girl was pointing at her, “I think he should eat you.”
Suddenly, the flashes ended and she again, raised a hand to her forehead, trying to regain balance and clarity. Looking up, she saw the worried faces, “I’m fine,” she replied though no one asked how she was.
Giles closed the door and walked forth, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder, “The flashbacks, I presume?”
“Yeah,” she whispered before looking up again, “Hey, guys.”
Xander was the first to snap out of it all and moved forward, hugging her tightly and said happily, “God, Will, you’re back. I can’t believe you’re actually back,” his voice cracked, “I-I missed you so much.”
She hugged him back, somehow feeling naturally safe with him. It was like she had known him her whole life. As he pulled away, the girl from her flashbacks, Buffy, moved forward and hugged her as well, “Welcome back.”
When she pulled away, Willow stared at the other girl in the room, the same one from her flashback, the girl that wanted her killed. She pointed at her incredulously, “What is she doing here?”
Anya looked around the room before looking down at herself, “Me? What did I do?”
“You wanted me killed and you-you,” she paused as she remembered it all again, “made me do a spell with-with—”
Before she could finish, Xander nodded in understanding, “That was a while back, Will, Anya’s good now.”
“How can someone just change from bad to good that quickly?” Willow asked before thinking and everyone in the room froze, the tension thick. She had just unknowingly asked the question the rest of them asked when they first found out who it was that Willow loved.
It was at this time that Willow heard slow, almost tentative footsteps and she gasped as she saw who it was that emerged from the shadows, “Spike?”
~Part: 15~
Spike walked into the middle of the room, directly in front of her, “Hello, luv.”
Willow took a step back, leaning against the table, her thoughts jumbled. She was drawn to him and somewhere inside of her, she could feel that once, maybe even now, she truly loved him but at the same time, she was scared of him. Danger oozed out of his pores and at one point in her life, that might’ve been something she liked but now, it wasn’t. She wasn’t used to danger and she didn’t *want* to be used to danger. She stood there, quiet and looking down.
“How are you?”
“I’m umm, fine, uhh, great.”
She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t just pretend to have a regular conversation with him. Not with all that she knew and all that she *didn’t* know. She didn’t know if she could really trust him even if she loved him. She didn’t know anything anymore. God, it was all so confusing. She couldn’t sort out the thoughts in her head.
Allyson walked a few steps forth and rubbed Willow’s shoulder gently, “It’s alright, sweetie, we’re here.”
Willow looked away from Spike and into Allyson’s eyes, “I-I don’t—”
Allyson nodded, understanding how Willow felt. The poor girl was simply overwhelmed. “It’s okay.” She glanced at Angel, “Can I take her to a hotel or something?”
“A hotel?” Buffy asked, “No, she can stay with me. I’ve already gotten the guest room ready.”
“Wait—”
“Shut up, Spike,” The blonde said with venom in her voice, “We’ve already been through this, she’s staying with me.”
“Why don’t you let *her* make that choice,” Allyson stated.
Willow looked between Buffy and Spike, still confused, her head was beginning to pound and she couldn’t even think straight anymore. “I don’t—”
Xander stepped forth, a small smile on his face, “If you want, you can always stay with me, Will.”
“I’m not sure—”
Before Willow could finish her sentence, Buffy interrupted, “Look, we’ve already talked about this before and we’ve settled it, she’s staying with me.”
“Buffy,” Angel said softly, “Maybe—”
“No,” The Slayer said firmly, “You don’t tell me what to do.”
“Buffy!” Giles reprimanded.
The argument began to rise and Willow slipped into the background, opening the door quietly and leaving. Spike who had kept his eyes on her the whole time, followed her all the while, the argument continued.
After a few more minutes of fighting, Anya finally spoke up, “You do realize that she’s gone, right?”
Buffy stopped talking and looked at her, “What?”
“She left while you guys were fighting over where she should stay. Spike followed her.”
“Oh, that’s comforting,” Buffy said sarcastically before moving towards the door.
“No,” Allyson stepped in front of her, “I don’t know him but I know that she needs her time alone with him.”
The blonde looked at her incredulously, “You’re right, you *don’t* know him so you don’t know what he’s capable of.”
“Buffy,” Angel said, “I do know him and I know he won’t hurt her. Let them go.”
“He won’t hurt her? He already *has* hurt her. He’s the reason that Drusilla—”
“Buffy, that’s enough!”
The Slayer clamped her mouth shut and leaned against the couch in defeat. Xander looked at her reassuringly and she shook her head. “God, I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s just, she’s back, you know? And, I don’t want to lose her again. I don’t,” she dropped her arms to her side, “I don’t know what to do anymore.”
Allyson looked down at the floor, a part of her feeling guilty for how she handled the whole situation, “I don’t think any of us do.”
~^~**~^~
Willow got a few steps away from Giles’ apartment before she stopped walking and without turning around, she asked, “Why are you following me?”
“Sunnydale’s known for the creepies, can’t have them getting you now, can we?”
She shrugged and turned to face him, “Does it really matter anymore?”
His calm mask faded as he stepped forth, “Yes, of course it matters,” he said firmly, “It matters a whole bloody hell of a lot.”
“Everyone in there is so busy fighting that they’ve barely even noticed me.”
“They’re fighting about you.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better? Because it’s not.”
“I’m not here to comfort you,” Spike stated as a blank _expression covered his face.
“Then why are you here?”
He paused and looked down. When she caught his gaze once again, she saw the pure emotion in his blue eyes. He stepped forth and reached out to grab her hand but she pulled away immediately. The hurt flashed across his face before fading away, “What’s happened to you?”
“I don’t know.” She sighed, “I didn’t even realize that something *did* happen to me. I mean, am I different from who I was before? I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
“You do know, it’s somewhere inside you.”
“Yeah, well, if it is, then I haven’t found it yet.” Willow looked up at the sky, talking more to herself then Spike, “I remember things but it never feels like they’re *my* emotions. It’s like they’re someone else’s and I don’t know why that is. I come back here and people expect me to just jump back into who I was before but the problem is I don’t know *who* I was before. I remember things about the other people in my life but never about me.” She looked at him, tears in her eyes, “I don’t know who I am anymore. Do you have *any* idea how that feels?”
There was a silence between them before he answered, “Yeah, I do.”
She looked surprised at his answer and nodded, silently asking for him to continue.
“I know how it feels to love someone so bloody much that you end up losing yourself in them only to have them be taken away. And for that time where you don’t have them near you, you don’t even know who you are anymore. That’s how I’ve been like, Willow, for the past few weeks, I’ve completely lost myself. You may not know who you are but I do. I do and I always will.”
Willow stood there, shocked into silence as she processed his words. They seemed to go right through her, filling her and breaking down the barrier that she had created before she arrived. She looked up at him, feeling more vulnerable then she ever had.
Spike looked at her helplessly, not knowing what it was that was going through her head. She was always an enigma to her and that was one of the reasons that he loved her so much. She kept him on his toes and always surprised him. As if his body was moving on it’s own accord, he stepped forth and hugged her tightly, burying his face into her hair as he drowned himself in all that was Willow.
She stood there, still not moving as he hugged her, feeling her mind and heart rip in half. Things were beginning to make a little more sense but at the same time, it was as if all that she had thought before was crashing down around her and she couldn’t figure anything out. Everything was swirling around inside her head and she didn’t know anything except one thing.
This felt right. Being in Spike’s arms felt right and a familiar feeling began to creep into her, through her skin and into her heart.
Belonging.
~Part: 16~
The Scooby Gang along with Allyson and Angel were sitting around Giles’ living room table as they all waited for Spike and Willow to return. The uncomfortable silence and tension hung above the room and quickly grew when they heard the door click open.
“Hey,” Willow said softly as she stepped through, instinctively moving closer to Allyson, “Sorry about umm, running away and all.”
“The first time or the second time?” Anya asked bluntly.
Willow visibly flinched at the lack of tact in the blonde’s words. She was the reason why all of this started. She was to blame. She saw the anger flash in Allyson’s eyes and the redhead quickly placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I guess both but you know, the first time, it really wasn’t—”
“It wasn’t her fault,” Allyson replied, venom in her voice as she shot daggers at Anya, “It wasn’t her fault at all.”
Xander laughed nervously as he raised his hands, stepping in front of her girlfriend, “You know, none of us really know the complete story so maybe it’s share time instead of attack time.”
The silence enveloped them again as they waited for someone to start. Finally, Giles spoke up, “We don’t know much about what has happened—”
“That’s because Spike refuses to tell us anything,” Buffy interrupted.
“You act like I know all the bloody answers, Slayer, well, I don’t. I’ve told you everything that I know.”
Angel quickly intervened, not wanting another argument to start up, “Okay, why don’t we all just calm down and share what we know, starting from you guys,” he nodded towards Buffy.
She sighed as she crossed her arms, “All we really know is that a few weeks back, Drusilla arrived in town and she tried to capture Willow but Spike was there. The bitch did something to him and he was knocked out and when he woke up, Drusilla and Willow were both gone. We didn’t even know where the hell Willow was until Angel called us and told us what had happened.”
“Do you know why Drusilla tried to capture Willow?”
Spike let out a guilty sigh, “She did it because of me. She thought that Willow was trying to take away her Spikey. That pissed the crazy bint off.”
Willow gulped before saying, “I think she was trying to do something to me, I’m not really sure what.” She paused, “All I know is that afterwards, my memory started to slip away and I tried to get to Buffy or Giles’ house but I couldn’t.”
“Why not?” Buffy asked.
“Because of me.”
All eyes snapped to the open door and the man that stood there. He shifted his weight nervously, silently cursing himself for coming here but he knew that he had to. It was something he needed to do.
Allyson looked at him, feeling fresh tears spring up as she whispered hoarsely, “Eric?”
~^~**~^~
“Hey Ally,” Eric said softly as he leaned against the doorframe, his eyes cautious.
Buffy looked up at him, never hearing Allyson speak, “Who is he?”
“He is Eric,” Angel turned towards him, he gritted through his teeth, “The guy who works for Wolfram & Hart.”
“You,” Buffy hissed before grabbing a stake from the table. She moved towards him quickly but Willow stepped in front of her. “What are you doing?”
“You can’t stake him, Buffy, he’s not a vampire.”
“He may not be a vampire but I can still do some damage.”
“No, don’t,” Willow turned around, facing Eric, “He has to be here for a reason.”
The color drained out of Allyson’s face as she sat there, shaking and staring at him, “W-why are you here?”
“I came to explain some things.”
Xander raised an eyebrow as he inched closer to Anya, “Who is he?”
Buffy tensed at the question, “He’s the jerk that took Willow onto the bus. According to Angel, he’s been working for a huge company that wants to take Willow’s powers away.”
“Well, if he lied to Willow the first time, why should we believe him now?” Anya asked.
“Yeah,” Buffy turned to him, glaring, “Why should we believe you?”
“Look, I know that I haven’t been very honest so far but think about it, why else would I come here? I’m completely unarmed and so it’s not like I can just take her away,” he nodded towards Willow, “I come in peace.”
There were a few more moments of silence before Allyson spoke, “He’s telling the truth.”
“How do you know?”
Without looking up at Buffy, she answered, “I don’t, at least, not really. After all, the last time I thought he was telling the truth, I was wrong. But, we could at least hear him out.”
Giles walked towards Eric and reached behind the man, closing the door before pointing at a vacant chair, “Please, sit down.”
Eric did so and looked around the room, not entirely positive this was such a great idea, but he knew deep inside that he had to do this. He owed it to Willow. And he owed it to Allyson.
“I started working for Wolfram & Hart last summer. At first, the cases I handled were simple, nothing messy and so I didn’t really know what went on until I was handed my first real case.” He nodded at Willow, “They told me it was simple and when they dished out the whole story, it did seem simple enough but I didn’t want to take it. It didn’t feel right.”
“So, why did you?”
Eric looked at Allyson and forced the next few words out, “The money. You don’t know what it was like growing up Al, having to worry about money and expenses. The amount they offered me, I could’ve retired straight after I finished it and so, I took the job.”
“You did it because of the money?” Buffy asked in disgust, “You would risk putting people’s lives in danger because of *money*?”
“Look, you don’t know me, okay?” Eric said tensely, “So, you don’t have the right to judge me.”
“I don’t have the—”
“Buffy, maybe it would be best if you let Eric continue his explanation.”
The Slayer fumed at Eric’s words but forced herself to calm down before looking back at Giles and nodding.
After a few more moments, Eric started again, “Wolfram & Hart needed a witch’s powers for something, they didn’t explain to me what. They found out about Drusilla’s plan from some underground demon sources but it was on a tight schedule.”
“Why?”
Eric looked up at Angel, feeling a lump rise in his throat, “The spell kicks in pretty quickly, so I had to get to Willow as soon as I could. I had to be the first person she saw when she woke up so I could gain her trust more easily. But I was working on a schedule.” He paused, not wanting to say what he had to say next, “The spell, what it does is erase the memory of the victim but Drusilla added something to it, she bound Willow’s powers and because of that, Wolfram & Hart couldn’t tap into them.”
“What did you do?”
Eric clasped his hands together, not even bothering to look up to see who asked the question, “We needed Willow’s powers and the only way to do that was to reverse the spell.”
“And, how exactly do you reverse the spell?”
Eric continued to look down at the table, “We had to kill Drusilla.”
~Part: 17~
Spike’s demon roared at hearing those words. Though he had been thoroughly pissed off at Drusilla for the past few weeks, she was still his sire. And now she was gone. Lost. Dust. All because of the puny little human standing in front of him,
“What?”
Eric sighed and held up his hands, “I didn’t do it. Wolfram & Hart sent some others to do it but that’s the reason why you’ve been getting the flashbacks, the memories are coming back to you and your powers are returning to you slowly as well which is why I had to work quickly.”
Spike rolled his hand into a fist as he controlled himself, barely suppressing his anger. Wait a second, why didn’t he feel it? Drusilla was his sire, he should’ve felt something disconnect when they dusted her. “I should’ve felt something when you killed Dru. Why didn’t I?”
Eric backed away a bit as he said, “They put a numbing spell on you so it doesn’t seem like the connection is severed.” He paused as he waited for an attack, either verbal or physical but it never came. Spike was standing by Willow, hands clenched at his sides, obviously trying to control the demon inside him.
“What was it that you had to do?” Angel asked calmly, his emotions unreadable.
“I had to gain her trust in order to lure her to my company and Wolfram & Hart would’ve taken care of it from there.” The room fell silent at that, but Eric wasn’t done. “There’s more.”
“There’s more?” Buffy asked incredulously, “What *else* could you possibly tell us?”
“Wolfram & Hart have information and records on all of you. You’ve all been under careful surveillance for the past few weeks.”
“They’ve been watching us?”
“That’s how we received our information for the case.”
Allyson looked up with pained eyes, “Your case?” She asked quietly, “Is that the real reason why you’re here? To finish off your case?”
“No,” he replied simply, hating the tone of her voice, “The case is over. Erased.”
“What?”
“My superior decided to cut me a break, I guess,” he said, still not knowing why Mr. Perry had gone so easy on him, even offering him another case.
“Wolfram & Hart gave you a break?” Angel questioned, “That doesn’t sound like them.”
Eric shrugged, knowing there was no true way he could convince any of them, “I came here to explain things. You all,” he looked directly at Allyson, “deserve at least that much.”
“What? Are you expecting forgiveness?” Buffy asked.
“No, I’m not expecting anything from you. I’m just here to explain, nothing more, nothing less. If you want me to leave so much, I’ll go.”
“No, wait,” Allyson spoke up, “Don’t. Not yet.”
“What’s the point in staying, Ally? None of you trust me. I’m surprised that you aren’t trying to kill me. I’d prefer a less lethal situation.”
“Please, Eric.”
“I have to leave anyhow. I’ve only got one more day before I have to go back.”
“Wait, what? Go back?”
Eric, not liking the fact they were having what he considered a private conversation in front of a group said, “Why don’t we talk about this later?”
“No, why don’t we talk about it now. You’re going back? That’s practically suicide.”
“No, it’s not. They’ve offered me another case and I’m taking it.”
“What? Why?”
“It’s my job, Ally.”
“You’re gonna get yourself killed.”
“It’s not your choice, Al, it’s mine.”
She stared at him in shock, “What? You would willingly go back there, knowing that your life can end with another one of those cases?”
“Yes.”
The rest of the room remained silent as Allyson and Eric stared at each other, a few feet apart physically but so much further mentally. Allyson stepped forth, the tears clear in her eyes; she didn’t even bother to recognize the fact she was in a room full of strangers. All she cared about was that Eric was talking about death with nonchalance in his voice. He didn’t even care and that scared her more then anything.
“What?” She whispered, the shock and desperation clear in her voice.
“Why do you even care, huh? I thought you wanted me gone.”
She stared at him in shock, “You think I *wanted* you gone? I told you to leave for your own safety. I didn’t want you *dead*. You think I don’t care, Eric? I do, I care a whole hell of a lot. I care a lot more then I should. You,” she faltered, “God, how can you even *say* that to me?”
Eric looked at her helplessly, wanting nothing more then to hug her tightly but knowing that he shouldn’t. He ran his hand through his short hair, “I don’t- I don’t know what to do anymore, Al.” He moved forward, giving into instinct as he wrapped his arms around her, letting her cry on his shoulder. The rest of the world faded off into the background as he held her.
After a few silent moments, Anya cleared her throat, not knowing what to do, “So, umm—”
Xander held up his hand as he watched the couple in front of him silently. He shook his head.
She nodded, “Gotcha, too soon.”
The room remained quiet and remorseful. They wanted to know the truth and now that everything was out, nobody knew what to do next. The harsh reality of it all just crashed around them all except this time, everyone was helpless, there was nothing anyone could do about the situation, no matter how much they wanted an easy fix in which no one got hurt and the good guys save the day.
This was real life. This was reality.
~Part: 18~
Allyson pulled away from Eric when she finally managed to calm herself down. She looked around the room with bloodshot eyes, her cheeks laced with the salty remains of her tears.
Giles was the first to speak, “I believe it would be best if we all retired for the night. It has been a trying day for us all.”
Allyson looked down and clasped onto Eric’s hand, feeling if she let him go for just one second, he would disappear again. One by one, they began to file out of the living room until Giles was the only one remaining. The older man closed the door, watching silently as they left.
Outside, they all stood in a circle, not knowing what to do next. Xander looked at the group and managed a weak smile, “So, this Scooby meeting is officially over. Where are we off to next?”
Buffy stood by the side as she said in a firm tone, “Allyson and Eric, you guys have a hotel room, right?” At Allyson’s quiet nod, she continued on, “Angel, where are you staying?”
“Hotel,” he replied shortly. His eyes averted from Allyson and Eric. He still felt a steaming hatred for Eric. The man took away Drusilla, a large part of Willow and now he had Allyson in his grasps. The souled vampire didn’t want to admit exactly *why* the last factor mattered so much but it just did. Explanations could come later. All he knew was that Eric was going to hurt Allyson again, he could feel it somewhere deep inside of him and he didn’t want that to happen.
The blonde turned to Willow, “How bout you, Will?”
“With me,” Spike replied for her, looking up at her, silently hoping she wouldn’t disagree.
Willow was quiet for a few moments before she nodded, “Yeah, with Spike.”
Buffy’s lips twitched as if she was going to say something but she stopped herself, knowing that it would be best to keep her mouth shut. Even if she didn’t want to admit it, Allyson was right, Willow could make her own choices and if she wanted to be with Spike then so be it. They had been through enough these past few weeks and tension was not something they needed more of. Buffy walked up to her and gave her a tight hug and whispered in her ear, “I missed you, Will.”
Willow pulled back, a sense of familiarness wafting over her and she smiled back at Buffy, “I missed you too.”
Her memory was starting to come back. Before, it was only images and some random feelings but now that she was in contact with all the people from her past, it was like she was reliving all of it again, developing strong connections with them.
She knew about most of her past with these people but now, she *felt* it.
~^~**~^~
Willow walked a little closer to Spike as the cool night wind blew through her hair, sending little chills down her spine. There was something about this town, something that was hidden, dark. In her mind, she already knew what it was: vampires, demons, and the forces of darkness, obviously, lurking around every corner. She just couldn’t tell her body that. Turning towards Spike, she clasped her hands together, hoping to create some sort of warmth, “So,” she said quietly, hoping he would start some sort of a conversation.
He looked at her, raising an eyebrow, “Yeah?”
“Ummm,” she looked down at her feet before a small laugh spilled from her lips. God, she was pitiful sometimes. There she was, only 20 minutes ago, spilling her guts out on how she felt and now, she couldn’t even start a simple conversation. There was just something about him, something that kept her on edge and made the hair on the back of her neck rise. He made her nervous but in a good way.
He made her feel.
“You scared?”
“What?” She asked, surprised, “No, not really, why?”
“I can smell the fear.”
Willow nodded, “Angel mentioned something about that,” she noticed how Spike’s jaw tightened when she said Angel’s name. “I’m just getting used to the whole Sunnydale thing. You know, baddies and what not.”
“Right,” he replied coolly, “Wouldn’t want the nasty soulless things to get you, now would we?”
“What?” She asked confused, her brow furrowing, “What are you talking about?”
“When you first stepped into the room, I didn’t think anything of it. When I hugged you, I was too busy focusing on the feel of you in my arms again but now, I can smell it all over you.”
Willow looked at him, not knowing what he was talking about, “What?”
“Angel,” he spat, “His smell is all over you.”
“That’s probably because I was staying in his bed with Allyson yesterday.”
His countenance lightened at hearing those words, “Ahh, figured he had a thing for that brunette. Saw him giving her some looks at that meeting,” he paused, “Never figured the poof for being into ménage-trois.”
“Wait, *what*? No! He wasn’t in the bed *with* us!”
A small smile slipped onto his face at her outraged tone, “Really then?” His voice teasing, “You switched teams on me, ehh?”
Willow was quiet until she figured out what he was saying, her face breaking into a glare, “What? No, I didn’t. I like guys. Guys are good.” Seeing the look on his face, she shot him another glare before quieting down, “Allyson’s my best friend. She was there for me, supporting me from the start without any reason.” She sighed, “She needs support now and I wish I could do the same for her, but she doesn’t want to let anybody in.”
“She seems like a tough one but the chit’s going to get hurt. That Eric fellow that showed up along with you three today, he’s bad news. I can tell.”
Willow let out a heavy sigh, nodding, “Yeah, I know. He’s kind of a jerk but I can understand how she’s feeling. She loves him, I think, as in love love. It’s hard to just give that up so easily.”
He looked her in the eye, speaking honestly, “I know how it feels.”
The redhead bit her lip as she asked, “What, umm, what happened that day? With Drusilla and everything?”
Spike looked off into the sky, his eyes focusing on the stars as he started, “She surprised us, you and me, that is, one night. Nobody knew she was in town; she managed to keep her arrival quiet. It was our turn for patrol and she ambushed us. While I was fighting her off, her minions snuck you away. She did some magic spell on me and I couldn’t move. She kept on saying that the stars told her to make you scream, or something of the sort, and wouldn’t stop rambling on about how I belonged to her and only her. She thought you were stealing me from her.” He forced out a sigh, “I stood there, frozen, watching as she walked away with you as captive and there was nothing that I could do. She turned back and shot something at me, like a bolt of magic or something and knocked me unconscious.” He said, shame in his voice, “Your Scooby Gang finally tracked her down the next afternoon but by that time, you were already gone and so was she. That wanker, Eric’s company must’ve fixed it all up. I was too late.”
Willow looked at him, her eyes sad, “It’s not your fault, Spike. Please don’t blame yourself. It’s nobody’s fault except maybe Drusilla and Wolfram & Hart. There was nothing you could have done to stop either of them.”
“I keep telling myself that, but I can’t believe it.”
She stayed quiet for a moment. “I don’t blame you at all. You know, at first when I saw a flashback of you and Drusilla fighting, I was so scared of you because I didn’t know who or what you were but now that I do, I’m not scared of you anymore. I know I should be, you’re a vampire, something that’s completely foreign to me now but I’m not scared. I feel safe with you.”
He raised his hand to her cheek and caressed her gently, “There’s so much going on inside me that you don’t understand, that you don’t know. I’m a complex thinker, luv.”
“Well, then, explain it to me. I want to know.”
Spike dropped his hand to his side quickly, “Some stuff won’t make much sense to you.”
“It’s alright, I want to know. Really.”
~^~**~^~
Eric gripped the hotel key tighter as he tried his best to even out his emotions. It was so much easier to shut himself down, to not feel. But he had to do this. He had to put his past in his past and make a brand new start at Wolfram & Hart. He couldn’t go through all of this again. He couldn’t make Allyson go through all of it again.
Glancing to his right, he saw her tightened jaw and her clenched fists at her sides and he felt a pang of guilt go through him. She was so stressed and again, it was all because of him. He was doing her more harm then good. Again. Lately, all he seem to make her feel was pain.
“I’m sorry, Ally.”
She quickened her pace as she felt the tears begin to rise again, “Don’t,” her voice cracked, “Please don’t say that.”
“I am, really, I—”
“Don’t!” She yelled, a few tears sliding down her face, “I can’t hear it, not from you. Not after what we’ve been through.”
He looked at her incredulously, “What?”
She shook her head, snatching the hotel key from his hands as she opened the door and walked into the room, not even bothering to see if he followed.
“What’s going on in that head of yours, Al? Be honest with me.”
“You want me to be honest, Eric? You want it all to come out before you go crawling back to your company? Fine then, I’ll be honest. I can’t believe you. You were my best friend and I loved you,” she forced out, “so much. And you go and you betray my trust and you *lie* to me, and you *use* me. I thought you cared about me but no, I’m just some convenient little ditz that was stupid enough to believe your lies. God, I want to hate you,” she faced him, the tears sliding down her face as she yelled at him, “I want to hate you so much for making me feel like this.” She grabbed at her chest, “I can’t think clearly anymore. You make me,” she took in a few gasping pants, “You make me feel like I’m some clueless little girl. I need to hate you.” She said, “I have to hate you. I can’t,” she grabbed her hair, scrunching it up, “I can’t love you. I can’t love someone like you, not after all that you’ve done. I *can’t*,” she said forcefully, willing herself to believe it. “I just,” her voice faltered as she dropped her hands, “I can’t.”
Eric stared at her, feeling his heart beating faster and faster in his chest. He was almost positive it would burst through any second now. He looked at her, completely in shock. This was what he did to her. He broke her. She was always so strong, confident; that was what he loved about her. She was never like this, not even when her parents got a divorce. He had never seen her break down before. Not until now. Not until him. He moved forward slowly, reaching out his hand as he searched for words, “I’m so—”
“Don’t say it,” she said frantically as she backed away, “Don’t touch me!” Allyson backed further away until she reached the wall, the tears falling from her eyes, “Don’t touch me,” she repeated, softer and more helpless this time.
“Ally, I don’t-I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t… I didn’t,” he faltered, “I didn’t mean to do this to you. I never wanted this to happen. You weren’t supposed to get involved.”
Fire entered her eyes as she sniffled angrily, “So, what? It’s my fault now? Because if you—”
He interrupted her, “No, it’s not your fault. None of this was your fault. I just… I fucked up, okay? I fucked up big time and now, I’m trying to fix it as best as I can. You hate me, Al and you never have to see me again. I’m gone. I’ll be gone from your life.”
“Just take the easy way out, then? Forget about me? Forget about everything?”
“Look, what do you want from me? One second you want me gone and the next you want me to stay. Tell me,” he said loudly and firmly, “Tell me what you want.”
“I don’t know what I want!” She yelled back, “I don’t know *anything* anymore. I’m so confused and I have all these thoughts in my head and god, I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re everywhere: in my dreams, in life, it’s like you’re consuming me and I hate it. God, I want to hate you *so* much. I want to hate you for doing this to me.” She stepped closer and closer to him, “I want to hate you for making me feel like this and I want to hate you for making everything that I thought was real turn out to be false. I have to hate you,” she pounded her clenched fists against his chest, “I should hate you so much.”
Eric grabbed her wrists with both hands and pulled her close up to him, silencing her words with a strong and passionate kiss, pouring all his emotions into it, wanting to let her know how he felt. He couldn’t say it but he would make her feel it.
She had to.
~Part: 19~
Angel’s cool fingers slid down the smooth, hard wood of the door as he stood in front of Allyson and Eric’s room, hearing the soft sobs slipping from her emotionally tired body. He felt a strain on his heart as he heard her, wanting nothing more than to break down the door and give Eric his rightfully deserved punishment for causing so much damage to the poor girl’s heart. But there was nothing Angel could do. It wasn’t his place. It was Allyson’s choice, not his.
The vampire moved away from the door, his hand dropping down to his side as his other hand fished for the key in his pocket. Opening his own door, he walked into his hotel room, not turning on the light as he sat down onto a chair in the corner, watching as the moonlight cast a pale shadow on the carpet. He moved his calloused hands up his face until the side of his head rested against his open palm as he leaned his elbow against the table.
So many things had happened and were found out tonight that he had barely had a chance to react. Mostly, they were due to Eric and Wolfram & Hart. The law firm destroyed his once-beloved childe and his most notorious obsession. Drusilla was gone. Eric had never mentioned that they put a numbing spell on *him*. No, when he had gotten the soul, the connection was already weakened and soon his mind forced his body not to feel that connection anymore. Over the years, it slowly dulled, up until the point where he barely felt it. That was how he killed Darla so easily. And that was why he didn’t even realize that Drusilla was dust. He may have lost many things when the soul re-entered his lifeless body but one thing that he kept through his many years was control of his mind.
And then, there was the matter of Allyson. She was going through so much but she refused to let anyone in, as if it would only cause her more pain. He saw the look in her eyes when Eric showed up at Giles’ door. There was pain, hope, surprise and love, all mixed up into one. She loved Eric.
That was the bottom line. Angel just couldn’t figure out why that bothered him so much. He didn’t have anything more then platonic feelings for Allyson, after all, he was still in love with Buffy, his supposed soulmate… right? There was no way he could’ve gotten over the blonde Slayer that quickly. No way. But, she seemed to have. Their relationship seemed to be at the back of her mind during this whole situation and it wasn’t surprising. Buffy was trying to move on. Maybe it would be best if he did as well. Or, maybe he already was and he just didn’t want to admit it to himself.
The thoughts continued to swirl around in his head as he sat there, silent and brooding.
~^~**~^~
Willow sat down onto the chair across from Spike as she tried her best to make herself comfortable. The apartment was familiar, like she had been there before many times but there was still something about the place that seemed foreign altogether. She was starting to hate that feeling, that sense of déjà vu. She clasped her hands together, leaning the side of her head against the top pillow as she waited for Spike to speak.
Spike watched her silently, paying close attention to the emotions playing across her face. She was different yet the same, all at the same time. Ultimately, it was obvious she was still Willow but there was still something different about her, changed. She seemed a little more detached and lost. It was understandable. Her memory had been taken away from her, stolen, and now, it was all being pushed back into her mind, bit by bit. Leaning forward, he said softly, “Are you sure you don’t want to get some sleep?”
She smiled, “I’m tired but I like the stories you’ve been telling me. They’ve been interesting.”
“You think my stories of before I came to Sunnydale are interesting?”
“Well,” she grinned, “I really can’t figure out any other word to use.”
“You’re tired,” he said as he stood up, “Let’s get you to bed.”
“But, we just sat down,” Willow whined, “And, hey, I wanna hear more of those stories.”
“Tomorrow, I promise I’ll talk your ear off.”
She stood up reluctantly before sighing, “Alright, you promised.” Looking around the apartment, she asked, “So, where do I sleep?”
“You can have the bed.”
“What?” She said, surprised, “No, no, no, that’s yours. I’m just a guest.”
The words shot through his heart like an arrow as the smile drained away from his face. Guest, she was a guest. She still felt awkward and uncomfortable around him. The façade that he had fooled himself into believing only moments before was shattered by those words. It was so easy, so easy to believe that Drusilla, Los Angeles, and the things Wolfram & Hart did never happened. So easy. But, he couldn’t. He shouldn’t. He placed a blank look on his face as he said, “Take it. It was yours once too.”
Hearing the little bit of contempt slipping into his tone, she silently cursed herself for her bad choice of words. She just had to go and create tension between them again. The feelings for Spike were beginning to resurface, bit by bit, but the process was slow. And, as much as she wanted to explain to Spike what she felt, she couldn’t. Judging by the blank look on his face, she doubted he would even listen. Letting out a sigh of defeat, she walked towards the direction he pointed in and pulled the covers back, the exhaustion pouring over her body as she crawled into the bed, her eyes fluttering shut as she drifted off into the grasps of slumber.
Spike watched her, leaning his body against the doorframe, wanting to reach out and touch her. She was here. She was back, in his bed, by his side. But even though she was there, it was only physically and not mentally and that seemed to hurt more then anything had in the past few weeks. She was so far away from him right now and he had no way of knowing if she would ever truly be back.
Taking a few steps forth, he stood by the bed and leaned down slightly, tracing his fingertips over her jaw as his own tightened, his eyes clenched tight as he forced back the sadness and pain.
~^~**~^~
When their lips met, the anger was drained from her body, replaced by something else, the desperate need to have Eric closer. She had come so close to losing him. At the time, she’d actually believed that she had. But, now, he was back and Allyson didn’t want to let him go. Not now, not ever. She knew it was wrong. She knew she shouldn’t have those kinds of feelings for someone like him but she couldn’t convince her heart that. She loved him. As much as she didn’t want to and hated herself for it, she did. Even with all the devious deeds that he had done, she still loved him.
The logical part of her mind was telling her that tomorrow, when the sun rose once again, shining its light through the window, revealing all the truths that she so desperately wanted to hide from, he would be gone. And this time, he wouldn’t be coming back. As much as she wanted to fool herself into believing that he would still be here in the morning, same goofy smile on his face as he teased her about random things, she knew in her mind that he wouldn’t.
So she kissed him harder, sending him an invitation, hoping he would understand. Understand that for just one night, she wanted to forget the events of the last week and just feel. Feel his body near hers and feel his touch burn through her.
Falling back onto the bed, she pulled her shirt over her head as she leaned back against the mattress, a single tear sliding down her face. Pushing reality aside, she grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him down, his lips meeting hers as she kissed him hard, the silent tears still slipping from her eyes.
~Part: 20~
Buffy closed the door to the Summers’ residence with her back, leaning her head against the wooden barrier. Willow was back in Sunnydale, her best friend since sophomore year. Yet, there were so many things that were different about her. Sure, Buffy could still see remnants of the old Willow in the personality but it was the little things that bugged her. When Buffy hugged Willow, there was a bit of surprise and momentary panic in the redhead’s body. Willow had tensed before relaxing into the hug and that bothered the Slayer. She was supposed to be Willow’s best friend. Best friends don’t get nervous when they hugged each other. They were supposed to be comfortable and natural around each other and that didn’t happen at all tonight. Instead, Willow seemed more comfortable with Allyson. Though she never came out and said it, it was obvious in the way that Willow stepped back towards the brunette every time she felt threatened or how quickly Allyson was there in Willow’s defense.
Drusilla had taken so much away from both Willow and Buffy in the past few weeks even after the spell had been done. In removing Willow’s past from the redhead’s mind, the vampire effectively severed all the connections that she had before. That was the ultimate punishment, in Buffy’s opinion. Drusilla struck at one of Willow’s strongest assets, her mind. She bent and twisted it to her will, all for Spike.
The Slayer suppressed her anger towards the vampire, knowing that it was unfair to judge the situation that way. He was just as much of a victim as the rest of them. It was odd, thinking that Willow wasn’t the only victim. After all, with one glance, someone might’ve thought that she got the strongest blow in all of it and while that might’ve been true, the rest of the Scooby Gang had been through pure hell as well, Spike included.
While Willow struggled to regain her memory, the Scooby Gang were busy with searching and worrying, and they had been close to breaking down. Then they found her, well, Angel found her and she was back in their presence once again. But, everything was different. Willow had changed though it wasn’t her fault. And because of that change, it then affected everything else around her, causing the rest of the Scooby Gang to change how they acted around her.
Buffy knew that she should’ve been kinder to Allyson, Angel, and even Eric but she reacted on instinct. Everything was jumbled up in her mind and she didn’t know how to react at the shock of seeing Willow. It was like she *knew* that Willow was coming back but seeing her again for the first time after everything had happened was so.. awkward. She had handled it badly. She tried to make up for it toward the end but again, she was still confused as to how. What did Willow want now? Was Willow still the touchy feely type or more of the closed off type?
Buffy didn’t know anything anymore. All she knew that when Wolfram & Hart and Drusilla took away Willow, both physically and mentally, it wasn’t just Spike who lost someone close to him. Xander lost his childhood friend. Giles lost someone who he considered a daughter.
And Buffy lost her best friend.
~^~**~^~
Spike quickly pulled his hand back as he felt Willow turn her back, changing positions as she was now facing the other direction. That single movement brought a cold sadness over him. So many things were turning away from him nowadays. Before when it happened, he didn’t care as much as he did now. There was pain but Willow numbed it all. And then, she was just gone. Removed from his life completely and he was lost, not knowing what else to do. It wasn’t as if he could turn to the Scooby Gang. They didn’t trust him, even though he had managed to repress his demon, and they didn’t like him either. So, when Willow was gone, he was then, for the first time, truly alone.
Before, he was immersed completely in the essence of her and he loved it. To be pulled out suddenly and then left alone, in the dark, was not only jolting but frightening for him. He was a demon. He knew this. But, during his relationship with Willow, she brought out so many other parts of him. She looked pass the demon and accepted him wholly. No one else had done that before in his life.
Walking around the bed to the other side, he sat down next to her sleeping body and scooted up the bed, resting his back against the headboard as he stared at her, looking so deep into her as if her face held all the answers. He needed to know the answers. He needed to know how to fix all this.
He needed to know how to fill the gap between them.
Forcing out a sigh, he put a pause on his thoughts and leaned his head against the headboard, closing his eyes for a brief moment before they shot open, feeling a sudden warmth caressing his arms and lap. Looking down, he saw that Willow had somehow molded herself against his abdominal area. Seeing the peaceful look on her face as she continued to sleep, he felt a strain on his unbeating heart as he brought his coarse hand up to smooth her soft skin of her face. A small smile appeared onto her lips as she whispered the one word that broke his heart yet made him beyond blissful at the same time.
“Spike.”
~^~**~^~
Eric collapsed onto Allyson as he finally reached that one moment of temporary happiness. His head was by her neck, his lips kissing their way down to her collarbone, his mind still clouded with euphoria, adamantly pushing away the reality seeping in. Allyson turned her head away from him as she her hand reached up and brushed away her tears. She closed her eyes tightly but still, they flowed.
Eric pushed himself onto his forearms and looked down at her, frowning at the tears, thinking that he knew the reason why they were there. “The guilt hit you that fast?”
Her head snapped back and she caught his gaze before pushing his body off of hers. She crawled off the bed, grabbing the sheet with her as she wrapped it around herself. She felt so good and so bad at the same time. He was right; she did feel guilty. She shouldn’t feel something so pleasurable like that with him, not after all that he did. He was essentially evil in her mind, corrupt and she felt such pleasure… she loved him. God, what was wrong with her?
Seeing the cloudy look in Allyson’s eyes, Eric got off the bed and pulled his pants on before sitting at the edge of the bed, his back turned to her. “I’m sorry.”
Words were beyond her as she took a few steps back and leaned against the wall, not wanting to start crying again. “Don’t.”
“You keep saying that Ally,” he turned around and looked her in the eye, “Why? It’s not like I don’t mean it.”
“You never should’ve done any of it in the first place,” she whispered quietly before letting out a sigh, hanging her head down, “Could we just… not do this?” There was heavy defeat in her voice as she said her request.
He frowned again at the tone and nodded, not wanting to start anything himself, “Yeah.”
With that simple word, she got back onto the bed and pulled the covers up and snuggled into his chest. His arms automatically went around her as she leaned the side of her head against his abdomen, closing her eyes tightly. He followed suit, knowing what she was doing and what she wanted. She wanted to pretend. Just for a few hours, she wanted to savor what was left of their relationship and what they could’ve had had things gone a little differently. Leaning his head against the top of hers, he slowly fell asleep, his grip on her body never weakening.
All the while, Allyson remained awake, finally letting the tears fall once again, the salty drops of pain falling into her hair. She gasped loudly before clamping her mouth shut, quieting the sob, hating that reality had hit her so quickly.