Chapter Eight
Spike propped himself up on one hand and stared down at the body nestled so closely next to his. They fit together well, even though Xander was larger than he was. Larger, broader shoulders, broader chest, taller. Almost as strong. He smiled softly, stroking a hand down Xander's arm. Who ever thought that his skin would be so soft? The warmth of it drew him and he settled back down, dropping his forehead to rest in Xander's hair. He inhaled deeply, memorising the scent. It was dusky and deep, he smelled like the forest after a storm. He nuzzled in deeper, trying to burrow through to the scalp underneath, needing to be as close he could.
His eyes fell shut as he willed himself to be still, to calm the racing in his veins. Time to linger and savoir now, now when Xander was fast asleep, lying so trustingly in his arms. A long, winding road to end up here in this bed, limbs tangled with a Slayer's friend. Of all the curious turns his existence had taken, this was one of the strangest. As if it wasn't enough for him to be helping a Slayer, no matter how reluctantly, now he had chosen to fall for her friend.
Spike smiled into Xander's neck, relishing the brush of the flesh on his lips. As if there was a choice, as if there was anything he could have done to stop it. As if there was anything he would have done to stop it. He wondered how this happened, how in the space of a few short days his world turned about him. This wasn't what he planned, not at all what he pictured when he set about his grand scheme of seduction. All he wanted to do was take the boy, take him slowly and thoroughly, debauch him and leave him spent and begging for more, spent and desperate for more. All he wanted was to make him need Spike as desperately as Spike needed blood, make the boy crave his touch the way he craved violence and pain. Then, then he would leave, would turn his back, laugh and walk out the door. After telling all the whelp's friends of course, that went without saying. That was his grand scheme, to give one of them a taste of how pathetic and sad his life now was. The smile grew as Spike let out a tiny laugh. He never really was much for sticking to a plan. Once again the spider got caught in his own web.
Xander turned a little in his sleep, sinking deeper into the mattress as he drifted into dreams. Spike felt the movement and he tensed for a moment, sure that Xander was pulling away. He relaxed as Xander stilled, hearing his breathing slow even more as Xander fell deeper asleep. He moved slowly to adjust to their new position as Xander was now lying more on his stomach than his side. Spike curled next to him, never relinquishing his grip on Xander's waist. The muscles were firm under his touch and Spike pondering again why Xander would dress so sloppily. Why had that little demon let him get away with it? He knew that he was longing to see Xander in something a little tighter, a littler more fitted, something that would show off what was his. Spike nodded as understanding struck. Ahh, so that's why she never said anything, why she never took the female prerogative to completely redo his wardrobe. She didn't want anyone else playing with what was hers. Well, too late, she left and Xander wasn't hers anymore. Maybe he would simply start slipping some of his own shirts into Xander's closet when he wasn't paying attention.
Spike drew in a startled breath at the turn his thoughts were taking. "Easy now, mate, don't be getting ahead of yourself. One day at a time, that's how this will be, one day at a time." He whispered the words aloud, needing the sound to ground him in the present. There he was again, thoughts skittering ahead of him, making yet more plans that were sure to come crashing down around his ears. He was acting as if there was something more than there was, something more than just hormones and curiosity on the part of the whelp. That was all it was, after all, nothing more than that. For hells sake, he tried to kill the boy in the past, would certainly try to kill him in the future. That's all this was, just some crazy experiment on the part of the boy and it was just his good fortune to show up at the right moment to take advantage. That's all this was. Nothing more. Xander didn't care. It didn't mean anything, he didn't care. Spike felt his heart harden as he repeated the words over and over. Just lust. Nothing more. It didn't mean anything more.
He could possibly have succeeded in convincing himself of this if Xander hadn't let out a happy sound and said his name.
"Spike," just his name. Just that single syllable. Yet somehow this sleeping god imbued it with such warmth that Spike thought he could feel his heart beat for just one moment. Then it happened again. "Spike," just as happy and content as the last time. Spike leaned up again, checking to see if Xander was awake. He wasn't, his eyes were darting under the closed eyelids and it was clear that he was dreaming. Xander was dreaming some happy dream. And that happy dream was about Spike. Xander smiled in his sleep and let out another happy sigh.
Spike stared down, unable to turn away. The fierce panic suddenly faded away, gone, replaced by nothing but joy. So he was wrong. Perhaps it was time to let loose of the fierce hold on his emotions. He knew precisely what he just tried to do. Lock his heart away before he lost it entirely. It never took much to make him give it away. Just a little care, just a little tenderness, just a little attention paid to him for no reason but for the pleasure of his company. Just someone to accept him for who he was, demon and poet in equal measure. And Xander did just that.
He forced himself to finally admit the truth now that he was here in the place he longed to be. This was never just about sex. It was never just about using and leaving Xander as a lesson to the others. This was never about just finding a fuck buddy. No matter what lies he told himself. This was always about taking whatever scraps of attention Xander would give him. In his most cherished fantasies he never imagined Xander wanting him back and so he always pictured it in terms of possession. Xander would be his, but only after Spike turned him, or if something happened to one of Xander's friends and the boy blamed himself and he sought out the poison of Spike's arms as punishment. Something like that. It was unimaginable that Xander would want him any other way.
But apparently it not only was it imaginable, it was real because he could still taste Xander in his mouth and the rich odour of their scent clung to his skin and the warmth of Xander's back burned his chest. It was real. Spike moved his mouth to the nape of Xander's neck and gently sucked, just enough to raise a small red patch but not enough to leave a mark. As much as he wanted to leave a mark he wouldn't, at least not without Xander's permission. He just wanted to taste him a little, just wanted that closeness once more. He moved his way down Xander's spine, bringing his other hand to stroke through Xander's hair. Gods, he loved Xander's hair, it was so full and silky and it smelled so good. Xander stirred under his touch and he slowly turned to face Spike.
"Hey." Xander blinked, clearing the last traces of sleep from his mind. He ran his hands down Spike's sides, content to his core. This was so much better than he ever imagined. He pressed a quick kiss to the centre of Spike's chest, then dropped his head back to the pillow. He stretched slowly as Spike moved to hover over him, amazed at how natural and right this felt. Spike's lips caressed the soft spot on his temple, then the vampire pulled back and tucked into Xander's side. A cool arm draped across his chest, long fingers pressing over his heart. Spike rested his head on a broad shoulder and Xander automatically pulled him tight. Spike was quivering ever so slightly, and Xander pulled him in a little closer, wondering what the problem could be.
"Spike, you okay?" Xander felt the hand over his heart press down a little more as Spike buried his face in Xander's shoulder.
"I'm fine. This feels nice." Xander barely heard the words even though Spike's mouth was so close to his ear. He just nodded and tugged Spike in closer still.
"Yeah, it does." Now it was Xander's turn to stroke smooth skin. "Have you been awake for long?"
"Not really," Spike felt his eyes fall shut, feeling the beat of Xander's heart under his palm. It soothed away the last of his fear, lulling him to sleep, drumming a song of peace into his weary mind.
"Well, sleep now, I've got you." Xander dropped a kiss on the top of Spike's head as he felt Spike drift away. "I've got you." He closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep.