by
Alexandria
Chapter Nine
Xander ran a hand through Spike's hair, tucking the wayward strands behind an ear. Damn it, he didn't want to leave. But he really couldn't justify calling off work just to stay in and shag Spike. No. He shook his head firmly as his hand strayed down to caress Spike's neck. No. He couldn't. No matter how much he wanted to. And dear gods did he want to. He shifted slightly on the bed, hoping the movement would wake the slumbering vampire.
"Spike," Xander called, gently tugging on Spike's shoulder. He hated to do this, Spike looked so peaceful and content, but he had to leave in the next ten minutes or he would be late. And there was no way he was just going to leave without talking to Spike first, if only for a minute. "Hey, sleepy head, rise and shine." Xander put a little more force behind the shake.
Spike blinked rapidly, trying to place where he was. He was in a big, soft bed, it was still dark, and there was someone else with him. Someone else. He started to jerk away from the hand on his shoulder, panic welling up as he heard the heartbeat. Then his mind caught up to his body and he paused. Xander. It was Xander. He was in Xander's bed. And it was Xander who was touching him. Spike sat up, yawning mightily and trying to shake away the lingering effects of sleep.
"Morning, Spike." Xander relaxed his grip on Spike's shoulder, then stood, reaching back for his coffee. He took a gulp as Spike looked him over.
"Going somewhere, mate?" Xander was dressed in jeans, work boots and a dark grey T-shirt under a flannel shirt. Spike just stared at him. He looked good like this. Spike turned his head, catching the clock out of the corner of his eye. "You do realise it's only 5:00 a.m. Where are you going?" It was far to early for Xander to be up, they couldn't have gone to sleep more than three hours before.
"Work," came the succinct reply.
"At this hour of the morning, are you daft? You have to be exhausted, come back to bed." Spike stretched a little more, then cocked his head slightly. "Sun's not even up yet."
Xander tore his eyes away from Spike's chest. If he kept looking, he was never going to make it out of the apartment. "I know, but we've been starting at 5:30 for the last few weeks. So, I have to get going. I didn't want to leave without telling you, though."
"Oh," Spike replied quietly, touched by the gesture. "Give me a few and I'll leave with you." He swung his legs over the bed, trying to remember where he'd tossed his clothes.
"Spike, you don't have to go just because I am. I mean," Xander took another sip of coffee, stalling a little as he tried to figure out the best way to put it. "I mean, you can stay if you want. You don't have to go." He resolutely kept his gaze locked on the bed, trying not to stare as Spike pulled on his jeans.
Spike paused in the process of lacing up his boot. "You mean that?" Xander just nodded and Spike fought back the urge to grab him and throw him to the bed. There wasn't enough time to really start anything serious before Xander had to leave and the vampire was not in the mood to spend the rest of the day completely frustrated. He stretched out a hand and touched Xander's arm for a moment. "Thanks. But I really think I best get going. What if one of the gang drops by and sees my car here? Besides, I need to get back before the sunrises anyway." He finished lacing up his boots, then gathered up his duster. He really didn't want to go, he wanted to stay here, wanted to be surrounded by Xander's things, by Xander's scent, by Xander's presence even while the boy was gone. However, Spike knew he had to go. He wanted a chance to think, to try to understand what was going on, to replay the events of the previous night over and over and over in his mind. And he couldn't do that surrounded by the thick scent of their sex.
"Are you sure?" Xander tried not to sound disappointed. Ever since he woke about a half an hour before, Spike's head nestled under his chin, Spike's arm around his waist, he had been looking forward to coming home to find Spike waiting for him. He turned and started to walk towards the kitchen, gathering up his jacket and toolbelt on the way. A surge of insecurity hit him as he headed towards the door. Of course Spike didn't want to stay, why would he. The vampire did have his own place and his own unlife after all. Just because they had sex didn't mean that he had any claim on Spike. He dumped the rest of his coffee down the sink, then took a deep breath, trying to shove the disappointment away. He knew he shouldn't feel so hurt, after all, Spike stayed the night. And Xander had never really expected the vampire to do that.
Spike trailed Xander into the kitchen, brow creased in confusion. Xander's shoulders were so rigid they had to hurt. Spike cast his mind back, trying to figure out what possibly could be upsetting his lover so much. For one panicked moment, Spike knew, knew that all the regrets Xander ignored the night before were finally overpowering him. A low growl began to build in Spike's chest, only to die out when he caught sight of Xander's face. Xander looked so sad, so hurt and lonely that Spike felt his heart break. So, that was it. Xander thought he was leaving because he didn't want to stay, not because there was no other choice. Well, Spike thought as he strode forward, time to stop that thought right now.
"Xander, look at me for a second." Spike cupped his hand under Xander's chin, forcing his head up.
Shaking his head slightly, Xander continued to stare at the floor. There was no way he was looking up until he got his emotions under some kind of control. There was no way he was going to let Spike see him like this.
"Xander, please." Spike stepped closer, bringing his other hand up to rub the back of Xander's neck. "There's something I need to say." Dark eyes finally looked up at that, the quiet conviction behind the words drawing Xander's gaze up against his will.
Spike tightened his hold on Xander's chin, making sure Xander couldn't pull away. "I'm not leaving because I want to go. I'm leaving because I have to go. I want nothing more than to stay here, where everything I see and everything I touch is a part of you. I want nothing more than to be the first thing you see when you come through that door at the end of the day. I want nothing more than to be waiting here for you to return to me. But I can't. You know, that, it's too dangerous. If I do, then one of them is sure to come by and find me here." Spike smiled slightly at that. "You know that between the two of us we have the worst luck on the planet. You know that's what's going to happen. And then there will be questions and accusations and I don't think either of us want that right now." He relaxed his hold on Xander's chin slightly, stroking his fingers lightly on Xander's face. "Right now, I want you all for mine. I don't feel like sharing you quite yet. So, I have to go. If you want, I'll be back the second the sun sets tonight." He locked eyes with Xander, trying to will him to believe. "Xander, I don't want to go. But I will come back." Spike released his grip on Xander's chin and then stepped back, waiting to see what reaction he would get.
Xander looked down for a second, kicking himself for being such a fool. Damn, why did he always have to doubt everything. He looked up, a smile crossing his face as the solution suddenly struck him. "Spike, as much as it pains me to say this, you're right."
"Damn straight I'm right, always am you know." Spike grinned back, relieved beyond words. So, looked like he said the right thing. It had been quite some time since he allowed himself to be this open and it was making him a little giddy.
"Shut up." Xander felt his smile stretch even wider. "You know, I can't believe the whole group of them just didn't come barrelling in here last night. You're right, between the two of us the odds are pretty good that the building should have been hit by a meteor or something."
Spike just laughed, the stress instantly evaporating. Xander moved over to where Spike was leaning on the kitchen counter and put his hands possessively on Spike's waist. "And you were also right about something else. I don't want to share you with anyone yet either. Tell you what, I should be off work by about 3:00, 3:30 something like that. If you want, I could come to the crypt." Xander leaned in until he was pressed fully up against Spike. "If you want."
"Oh, I want. I definitely want." Spike stared up at Xander, delighted to note that Xander's eyes were dilated, feeling the beginnings of Xander's erection pressing into his thigh like his was pressing into Xander's. "Are you sure you have to go?" Spike hooked his fingers into the waist of Xander's jeans and tugged down firmly.
"Fuck. No. I mean, yes. I mean, I have to go to work. Jesus, Spike," Xander dropped his head onto Spike's shoulder as the vampire started to chuckle. "Oh gods it's going to be a long day."
"Tell me about it," Spike ruefully replied as he reluctantly moved his hands from Xander's waist to Xander's shoulders. "Tell me about it."
Xander stepped back, not trusting himself to kiss Spike without something untoward happening on the kitchen floor. "C'mon. Let's go before we both change our minds."
---
Xander walked slowly through the rows of tombstones, noting how different the cemetery looked during the day. It was strange to just be here walking along without watching every second for an attack. Really strange, but peaceful too. He shifted the bag from his left hand to his right, glancing down quickly to make sure nothing spilled. He was glad that they got done early today. He left work about 2:30 which was great because it gave him the chance to stop and pick up a few things that he wanted. That and he could stop back at the apartment and shower and change. Xander felt his heart begin to pound the closer he got to the crypt. It was insane, all he could think about was this all day long. Well, this and every single thing that happened the previous night, well that morning if he was being accurate. It was insane. But all he wanted all day long was to be with Spike. And now that he was going to be, he was so nervous he thought he was going to piss his pants. He smiled a little. And he knew exactly why. It was because of what was in the bag he was carrying. He took a deep breath, raised a shaky hand and knocked.
The door was yanked open almost before he could pull his hand back. "Xander, come in.," Spike called from behind the protection of the door. Xander quickly did so, then turned to watch as Spike firmly shut the door, then dropped a bar across. "Never hurts to take extra precautions."
They just stared at one another for a moment, neither quite sure what to say or do.
"Spike" "Xander"
They both stopped to let the other finish.
"Xander" "Spike"
Xander started to laugh as Spike just raised an eyebrow. "Right, let's try this again. Xander, I'm glad you're here."
Xander stopped laughing at the tone of Spike's voice. He dropped the bag and with three quick steps he crossed the room, pressing Spike against the wall. "You thought I wasn't going to show, didn't you?"
Spike turned his head away, jaw working as he struggled to find a response. "Yes." Yes. He actually had been positive that in the harsh light of day that Xander would come to his senses and head for the hills.
"Spike," Xander leaned down and pressed a quick kiss right next to Spike's ear. "I had to. All I could think about all day was seeing you again. Almost walked right into a ladder I was so distracted by remembering how you touched me, how you kissed me." Xander trailed a line of kisses from Spike's ear closer and closer to Spike's mouth. "Of course I came back. I wanted to. I want to. Don't doubt that." His lips grazed lightly over Spike's. "I have to admit, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's a little freaked by this."
Spike sighed as Xander's tongue slipped out and eased open his lips. He had spent the day teetering between joy and pain, joy as he relived the feeling of Xander's skin touching him, pain as he slowly convinced himself that Xander wouldn't be coming back. Why could things never be simple? Why could he never accept happiness without looking for the barb sure to be hidden inside? Because it's always there, it always is came the immediate thought. He ignored the small voice inside his head, concentrating instead on the warm mouth moving so sweetly over his. He sighed again as Xander deepened the kiss, hands roaming over him. It felt so right to be here, cold stone chilling his back as warm skin heated his chest. So right. He buried his hands in Xander's hair, pressing their mouths together, diving into the kiss, pouring everything he had into it, trying to pull them so tightly together nothing could ever separate them.
Xander finally pulled away with a gasp, resting his forehead on Spike's, holding onto Spike's shoulders tightly. "Air, air is of the good," he managed to pant out. Spike smiled slightly, then tilted his head, sucking his way down Xander's neck. The taste of the golden skin filled his mouth and he sucked a little harder, hands tugging at Xander's jacket. He craved the feel of Xander's skin on his, the sweet softness of it smoothing out the rough edges of his mind. He managed to slip the jacket off Xander's shoulders before it got stuck.
"Bloody hell, I cannot believe this is happening again," Spike moaned as he tugged on the fabric.
Xander threw his head back and laughed as he stepped back. "Spike, you have to admit, it is a little funny that we can't even manage to get each other's clothes off without it being a production." Xander took another step back as Spike's hands reached for him. "Uh uh, I'm going to go over here and strip. You stay there. That should work."
Spike immediately started to pull his shirt over his head, then froze. They hadn't even been together for five minutes and Xander was ready to get naked already? He turned, opening his mouth to speak. He nearly dislocated his jaw snapping his mouth shut. Xander's shirt was already off and he was bending down to unlace his boots. His back was rippling as the muscles played under the skin, the pale light that managed to spill into the crypt casting shadows across the skin. For one long moment, Spike simply stared, memorising every line, every curve of Xander's body. For some reason, this struck him as almost unbearably erotic.
But then Xander looked up and the hungry look on his face obliterated all of Spike's higher brain functions with only one thought surviving the onslaught of lust. The faster you strip the faster you'll be naked. Spike wasn't sure whose voice it was, but he obeyed it.
Xander fell back on the bed, and Spike tumbled down on top of him. They came together frantically, mouths and hands roaming everywhere all at once, skin craving skin. They writhed together on the bed, rolling over and over until Spike put an arm down to keep them from tumbling off the edge. Pushing them back up, he leaned back, panting heavily. "Time out."
Xander nodded his agreement, eyes falling shut as he tried to catch his breath. "Sorry, it's just that I've been longing to touch you all day long."
"No apology necessary. Felt the same." Spike traced a finger across Xander's lip. He hissed as Xander opened his mouth and started to suck. "Xander," the low moan filled the crypt. "Fuck, Xander."
"That is kind of the idea," Xander pushed himself up on his elbows. He watched Spike's eyes widen as the vampire looked down at him.
"What's the idea?" Spike asked, his hand dropping down to rest on Xander's chest. Xander couldn't actually mean, no, Spike shook himself mentally, no, not that. Not yet.
"Fuck Xander." Xander slowly slid out from under Spike, pushing the trim figure off his legs as he did so. "I figured that was kind of the whole point of this." He reached past the stunned vampire and pulled over the bag. Keeping his eyes on Spike's face the entire time, he reached in, fished around for a moment, careful not to knock the thermos over, and finally found what he was looking for. He palmed the tube, then pressed it into Spike's hand.
"Xander," Spike sighed out, "I can't." He swallowed hard, then looked away. "I can't."
"Sure feels like you can from here," Xander quipped, a lump suddenly blocking his throat. Spike just continued to stare at the wall, his jaw clenched tight. "Spike, what's wrong, don't you, I mean," Xander dropped back onto the bed, draping an arm across his face. He didn't really want to look at Spike right now. "I just thought you wanted, I mean, I want you to, but, shit." He tried to roll off the bed, embarrassment flooding through him.
He didn't make it to the edge of the bed before Spike pinned him back down, face scant inches from his. "I want this more than I can begin to tell you. I want you. But I can't. I can't do it. It'll hurt and if I hurt you, then the fucking chip will go off and, well, blinding pain isn't really a turn on. Some pain, yes. That much, no." Spike pushed back, hands shaking in rage. "Shit, I would do anything, but, can't. Fucking bastards. Had to take everything didn't you."
Now it was Xander's turn to grab as Spike tried to move away. "Spike, it won't hurt that much, I mean, Anya and I," he flinched back as Spike growled at the mention of his ex-girlfriend. "Anya and I did stuff, you know," Xander looked down, embarrassed yet again. "Stuff. So, it's not like no one has ever done," he cleared his throat, "done that to me. So it'll be fine. I mean, unless you don't want to. . ." his voice trailed off. He had no idea how to handle this.
"Did it hurt?" The quiet words were whispered in his ear as Spike pulled him close.
"Just a little, but then it was fine. C'mon, you have to remember," Xander stroked Spike's back, trying to find the fire that was there just moments before.
"Yes. I do. And it always hurts, just a little. But what if that just a little is still too much?" Spike closed his eyes, burying his face in Xander's hair. "I don't want anything bad to happen."
"Well, neither do I. Can't we just try and see what happens? I mean, I don't want you in pain, but well, I do want this. I mean, I really really want this." Xander bit into Spike's shoulder as he moved one of those long, thin hands onto his ass.
"I can't." Spike shook his head. "I want to, I desperately want to, but I don't want it to be like that for you. How would you feel if we did and I collapsed in pain?"
"Like shit." Xander sighed, conceding Spike's point. "So, what, we can never,"
"No, I'm not saying that, we'll just have to think of something. And," Spike started to grin, some of his confidence returning. "I have a lot of time to think during the day you know. We'll just have to do something else in the meanwhile." He started to lick the curve of Xander's ear. How sweet it was to know one of Xander's hot spots.
"Like, like what?" Xander pulled Spike down on top of him, running his hands up and down Spike's back, feeling them both slowly start to respond once again.
Spike kissed him and then pressed the tube into Xander's hand. "How about fuck Spike?" He arched an eyebrow as Xander licked his lips.
"But I've never, I mean, I want it to be good. Spike, fuck," Xander breathed out, his hips arching up at the thought.
"As I believe you noted earlier, that is kind of the idea." Spike grinned down as he watched Xander lick his lips. "And I think it's a brilliant idea. Seeing as it is mine after all."
"Do you mean it?" This was his sweetest fantasy, to plunge into Spike, to fill him, to be part of him.
"Most definitely," Spike nuzzled into Xander's chest, tongue carelessly flicking at a nipple. "Unless you don't want to" his words were cut off as Xander flipped him over.
"Oh, I want to, I do want to," Xander ran his eyes down Spike's body, anticipation arcing through him. "How, what do you want?"
"Like this, I want to see you," Spike picked up the tube and uncapped it, then reached for Xander's hand. "Here, I take it you have some idea of what to do?" He grinned lazily as Xander blushed.
"Yes, Spike, I learned from watching the best after all," Xander coated his right hand, then reached down. He pressed a finger forward, breath catching as it slowly sank into Spike's body. He let out a hiss as the flesh clamped around his finger. "Spike, I don't want to hurt you either, you're so tight, are you sure?"
"Oh, bloody hell," Spike gasped out, the burn of Xander's touch wrenching his arousal higher. "Yes, I'm sure, just, don't stop."
"Right," Xander slowly moved his finger in and out, in and out, just like it said in those books that he furtively read while hiding in the corner of the bookstore. He was preparing Spike. He was going to fuck Spike. And if he didn't stop thinking about that and start concentrating on what he was doing, he was not going to be able to fuck Spike, not if he came well before then. He looked up, needing to see Spike's face, then quickly looked away. And if he kept looking at Spike when Spike looked like that, then, then he had better concentrate some more.
He pulled his finger out, ignoring Spike's yelp of disapproval and coated his hand again. This time, he pressed two fingers in and curled them up and around.
"Oh hell," Spike arched up as Xander slowly stroked again.
"Take it that's the spot," Xander couldn't keep the laughter from his voice. His nervousness was nearly gone now, replaced by nothing but desire. He wanted this to be good for Spike. And from Spike's response it was.
"Uh huh, do that again, oh hell," Spike muttered, trying to maintain his composure. He would be damned if he came before Xander was in him.
"Hmm, how about this," Xander eased his fingers out, then eased back in with all four. He watched as Spike's eyes rolled back, and he grinned again. The grin faded as Spike's eyes suddenly opened and met his. They just stared at one another for a moment, then Xander pulled back, slicking his erection quickly. Now. It had to be now. He kept staring into Spike's eyes as he positioned himself and as Spike pulled his legs back.
"Ready?" Xander whispered, heart pounding.
"Please," Spike answered. "Please."
Xander eased forward, mouth falling open at the sensation. It was like nothing he ever felt before. It was cold and hot all at the same time, tighter than anything he could have ever dreamed and in the end none of that mattered. It was Spike. That was the difference. He moved slowly, unable to go any faster. He didn't want this over before it started.
"Xander," Spike murmured, needing to say it, needing to make it real. "Xander."
It was the sound of his name on Spike's lips that did him in. Xander started to move, slowly at first, then faster and faster, bracing himself with his hands on either side of Spike's body. Spike reached down and stroked himself with one hand, the other running through Xander's hair.
"Xander," Spike started to chant, the sound blending with Xander's gasps and the slap of their flesh. "Xander" over and over like a mantra.
With a silent cry Xander came, thrusting deep, tremors running through his body from the intensity. He collapsed onto Spike just as the vampire arched up, the friction of Xander's chest pushing him over the edge.
Xander slowly lifted his head, finally able to speak. "Spike, whoa, is that, wow, you have to do that to me. I mean, you have to."
"Sure thing," Spike answered, pulling Xander up next to him. "I'll work something out." Xander just nodded and nuzzled into Spike's neck. They stayed there for a minute, then Xander slowly sat up.
"You hungry?" He reached into the bag again, and pulled out a thermos and a bag of chips.
"Um, Xander, what's that?" Spike blinked hard.
"Oh, I'm always starved after sex, so I brought chips. And some blood for you." Xander tore open the bag, then handed the thermos to Spike.
"I take it you were a Boy Scout at some point," Spike grinned as he twisted open the thermos. The thick scent of human blood hit him and he looked up sharply.
"Why's that," Xander replied around a mouth full of chips.
"Be prepared. Xander, this is human blood." Spike stared at his lover, who merely reached into the bag for more chips.
"Yes, I know. It better be that's what I asked for." Xander smirked, pleased at the stunned expression on Spike's face.
"Why?" Spike slowly poured some into the cap of the thermos, drinking slowly.
"Because that's what you like." The simple answer hung in the air for a moment, then they returned to their meals, Xander tucked into the crook of Spike's arm.