Fallen Angels

By Kristi

Frustration

@--Buffy--@

It is amazing to me the changes that can occur in a life in a few short weeks. You always hear the saying there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I never saw a light. There was only darkness, but I know now there was one; it was just hiding around a corner I couldn’t see. I know because right now my light in the dark is nuzzling my neck and whispering sweet nothings in my ear.

I shift on the couch so I can kiss him. I love his mouth. If I live to be a thousand I will never tire of kissing Angel. His mouth is cool and soft. He teases my lips, staying just out of reach and then as if he can no longer stand it he crushes me to him and devours my mouth. Then like a chastised child he pulls back and gently sucks my bottom lip. My hands tangle in his hair and tug at him, insisting he quit teasing and get on with the bruising, consuming kisses. He chuckles into my mouth and whispers “patience.” I have no patience when it comes to wanting him, needing him. It’s not my fault I haven’t had two hundred and fifty years to hone it. I hardly think two hundred and fifty thousand years would give me patience when it came to wanting him. One of his hands cradles my face, his fingers tracing my jaw line, my neck, pausing at my pulse to feel it hammering there. The other hand has slid up the back of my shirt and he takes steps up my spine with his fingertips.

My patience has reached an end. I moan into his mouth “God, Angel I want you so much.”

His response is a low growl/purr that sends shivers up and down my entire body.

“Uhm, guys, still other people in the room.” Gunn clears his throat.

Angel and I jump and I turn several shades of crimson. Angel mumbles something like “Sorry, got carried away.” He is fortunate he doesn’t have the circulation to blush.

“Yeah, we could sorta tell. I mean the explosions and car chases only drown out so much.” Gunn grins at us.

“Not to mention the images I have had burned permanently on my retinas during these Monday Movie Make Out sessions.” Cordy says.

They have become accustomed to our excessive PDA’s. Public displays of affection for those of you who didn’t go to high school. Angel and I have been experimenting with different ways of dealing with the whole want you, need you, can’t have you issue in our relationship. The one that seems to work the best, although involves mucho humiliation, is our current plan. We touch, kiss and nuzzle in front of people. That way there’s no danger of taking it too far, at least not without someone noticing that I just unbuttoned and unzipped Angel’s pants. Yes, much to my utter humiliation, Cordy pointed this out to me during our weekly Monday Pizza and a Movie night. Behind closed doors, an entirely different story. Our touches are chaste. Our kisses are light and never long. We sleep in the same bed but I sleep in sweats and a long sleeved tee shirt. He sleeps in pajama bottoms and a tee shirt. We both maintain a modesty that is almost excessive.

And it hurts. The pain carves a hole inside of me. I want to rage at the world. It’s not fair Gunn and Fred can touch and love and express all the things they feel inside. It’s not fair that the people walking down the street holding hands will never ever pay the prices Angel and I have to be together yet they are allowed to make love to each other.

It’s worth it though. It’s worth the pain of not being able to touch him and love him the way I want to. It’s worth it just to wake up in the morning with him by my side. It’s worth it to go to sleep in his arms snuggled against his chest. I will pay any price to spend my life with him. It’s still frustrating.

I remember something he told me once. It was after we’d been to see that awful movie in Sunnydale. I hated rubbing it in his face that we couldn’t do any of the things they’d done in that movie. I told him I didn’t want to get him worked up. He had said that just being around me did that and that it didn’t mean he was frustrated around me. It was just nice to feel.

I think he lied about the frustrated part.

But it is nice to feel, with him anyway. It’s nice to feel the coolness of his smooth skin, the hardness of his muscles, and the softness of his mouth. I love the way he sucks in a breath he doesn’t need when I touch his stomach. I love the way he clenches his jaw when I slip my fingers under the waistband of his pants. I love—Okay, not going there, that way lies badness and frustration and I’ve killed three of Angel’s training dummies already.

I turn my attention back to the movie. I can’t remember what it is. It was Fred’s choice tonight and it’s something with lots of explosions and gunfire, maybe a Diehard movie, or Terminator. Anyway, the explosions, have I mentioned there are a lot of them. Angel is nuzzling my neck again and I surrender to the beautiful pain of knowing we’re going to have to stop before we’re ready.

*

Its dark out and everyone is in the lobby of the hotel getting ready for the evening’s patrol. Gunn has his favorite hubcap axe. Fred is checking the sights on her crossbow. Cordy has a compact spiked mace and Wesley is polishing the edge on his fighting axe.

I am sitting on the silly round couch feeling like a dork watching everyone. I wonder briefly if Xander ever felt like this when I was preparing to go into battle. I have never felt useless and it’s driving me crazy. Angel has insisted that I stay in the hotel until I’m up to my full strength. My only consolation is that he stays with me.

It has been quiet on the business end lately, patrols are always needed though. LA doesn’t have the demon per capita that Sunnydale has, but it’s much larger and there fore much like Sunnydale in that there is always something going on. Angel assigns patrols. He wants to make sure everyone is together, strength in numbers and all that.

“And I thought Buffy and I would check out a couple of the graveyards.” He grins at me as he says it.

I jump and up and wrap my legs around his waist, kissing him soundly on the mouth. He holds a stake out to me. “Oooo and presents, no one knows how to make a slayer happy like you do.”

“You know what they say; a happy slayer is an efficient slayer.” He chuckles at me.

The cemeteries here seem more orderly, less cryptic, then the ones back in Sunnydale. Angel tells me they are often less populated by the undead then the ones in Sunnydale. Which begs to know why we’re here if that’s the case, but I know Angel, he’s starting me out slowly.

“So, do you really have any leads on any early risers here, or have you just run out of romantic places to take me?” I ask.

He chuckles and kisses my hand. “I actually do have some leads. There was an article in the paper about a bunch of kids at a rave that got killed. Most of the kids got away, there were three though that died from massive blood loss.”

“That sounds very Sunnydale.” I comment.

“It does, which is why we’re here.” Angel says with a smile.

“It’s hard being so popular. I mean I try to get away from it all, but the fans just keep finding me.” I say.

Angel chuckles and pulls me over to a bench. I sit down on his lap. “So tell the truth, you got tired of replacing your training dummies, and thought field trip!”

“Your training sessions have been going really well, Buffy. You are almost back to full strength and you seem to be going a little stir crazy in the hotel. I decided that as a business man, I’d be very foolish not to put your assets to use and make you a part of the team.” He said.

I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. I know its taboo, I know there is no one to stop me and I know I have a really morbid obsession with making out with Angel in grave yards. I can’t help myself though. “I think you’ll find I’m a very good team player.” I say taking small bites of his neck. His eyes are closed and I can feel a purr/growl just starting in his throat.

“Aww isn’t that sweet. It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten to eat lovers.”

I am up and in slayer stance before the creature standing before us finishes his sentence. “And it’s been a really long time since I’ve killed anything. I was getting itchy, you know.” I say as I catch the vamp in the chin with a high snap kick. I do not give him a chance to come back, hitting him with a series of punches, hook, jab, roundhouse- and then because it’s so much fun I execute a beautiful flying roundhouse kick. He goes down on the ground like a rock. He is dust before he ever even realizes what happened. Angel is sitting on the bench grinning at me like an idiot.

“How did it feel?” he asks.

“Like breathing,” I respond with a huge smile. I’d forgotten how good it could feel to slay a vampire. As Faith would say, I’ve found the joy.

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