Falling Into You

By Spike Speigel

Private Practice

They just stood there, watching him as he blathered something about his chest. Finally, Buffy spoke. “Um, no. I’m not here to make fun of you, Rocco.” The look of insecurity had left his face, now replaced by one of relief.

“Well, that’s good. Don’t know if I could deal with verbal abuse so soon after the physical.” Buffy noted that the bandage on his back was seeping with blood in the middle. She bent down next to him to get a better look.

“You should come inside. I should change that.” Rocco felt her fingers run over the piece of cotton affixed to his back. He grinned sheepishly as she did this. “Yeah, I guess. I’m done with my fag, anyway.” He ground the cigarette onto the floorboard of the deck and proceeded to get up. “So, you gonna tell me who your friend is, or do I have to guess?” Buffy realized that Giles was still standing in the kitchen door, amazement still painted on his face.

“Oh, this is…” A suitable cover story flashed into her head. “This is my doctor.” She motioned to Giles as Rocco stood next to her. “Dr. Giles.” They both stood there for a moment, Giles trying to comprehend what had just happened. He looked to Buffy, and noticed what she was trying to do. Smart girl. Very smart girl.

“Oh, yes. Hello.” He extended his hand to Rocco as a kind gesture. He half expected the fellow standing in front of him to eye him suspiciously, but instead, Rocco took his hand in a forceful handshake.

“Nice to meet you Dr. Giles. Let me guess. The li’l lady rang you up ‘cos she was worried about my wound, innit right?” Giles was still getting accustomed to him. He looked like Spike. He even sounded as arrogant and cocky as Spike. But there was something different as well. Something other than the fact he could stand in the sunlight and not explode like a ball of semtex.

“Yes. Very right. That’s a nasty wound you’ve got there, young man.” Giles moved away from the doorjamb, allowing Buffy and Rocco to move back inside. “Come back inside so I can run some tests on you.” He shouldn’t have used the ‘t’ word. Rocco now shot him that suspicious look he expected earlier.

“For a flesh wound?” Buffy saw that Giles was stumbling for words. She decided to help him.

“You know. Tetanus. Excessive blood loss. Stuff like that.” Buffy gently nudged Rocco back into the kitchen as he continued to look at Giles.

“That’s correct. Can’t be too careful, you know.” Rocco sighed softly, noting the worried look in Buffy’s eyes.

“Alright then. Let’s get this over with.” Rocco moved past them into the living room while Buffy and Giles stood in the kitchen for a moment. Giles finally spoke.

“Amazing.” Buffy smiled.

“That’s what I’ve been saying.” Giles returned the smile.

“Well, we should get in there and try to figure out what we’ve got here.” As they moved into the living room, Buffy remembered Rocco’s wound. As they stepped into the living room, Rocco was sitting in a chair, his fingers thrumming against the armrest.

“I’ll be right back with a new bandage. In the meantime, Dr. Giles is going to have a look at you.” Buffy noted the look of discomfort Rocco had on his face, so she decided to assuage his fears. “He’s the best. Nothing bad’s gonna happen.” Rocco caught her smile, returning a small grin.

“I trust you, luv.” She walked up the stairs, leaving her Watcher to begin putting the pieces of the puzzle together.

Buffy didn’t come down the stairs alone. Following her was both Dawn and Tara. As Buffy came into sight of the living room, she saw that Giles was sitting in front of Rocco. He was rummaging through one of his bags, pulling out various objects. As the group came closer, she saw what the objects were. On the coffee table there lay a couple of vials of holy water as well as a bottle of essence of garlic. Gee, Giles, why didn’t you just pull out the cross while you were…too late. There it was. The three ladies stepped into the living room, Buffy moving toward Rocco while Dawn and Tara went over to greet Giles.

“Hi, Giles.” Dawn wrapped her arms around Giles’ neck, her head on his shoulder. “How’s London?” Giles chuckled.

“Oh, you know. Dark and dreary.”

“So, you’re having fun, then?” Dawn moved back to face Giles, a smile on her face.

“Yes. I guess I am.” He got up from the chair and moved toward Tara.

“Hi, Giles.” She was nervous. She was always nervous around him. He didn’t know why, but he thought it was rather adorable.

“Hello, Tara.” He put his arms out, Tara instinctively moving into them. “How are you doing?” He knew she was also going through a tough time, with Willow’s betrayal and medical condition.

“I’m okay. One day at a time, you know?” He did. Everyone had been affected by that cold March night in the cemetery. Everyone had suffered. Tara most of all.

“I know.” He continued holding her as Buffy tended to Rocco. Dawn moved over to see what they were doing.

“So, I see she got your shirt off?” Dawn was giggling as she said this. Buffy and Rocco shot her a nervous glance.

“Funny, bit. Real funny.” Buffy was now sitting next to him, her fingers gently pulling the bandage away from his skin. She felt it best to be in this position for two reasons. One, she had better access to the bandage. And two, she didn’t have to look into his eyes as she pulled away this time.

“Hold still. This might hurt a little.” Rocco turned his head to face her. He nodded at her, smiling gently. There went reason number two. She eased the used bandage off his skin. She couldn’t help but notice that the cut was much smaller than it was the night before. In fact, it was almost nonexistent. She gently ran her fingers over the cut, noting that there was no visible scarring around the reduced wound. She felt Rocco jerk as she did this. She smiled gently to herself. He must be ticklish, just like Spike.

Giles moved over to the scene, Tara right behind him. He grabbed the essence from the table and gave it to Buffy. “Um, before you apply the bandage.” Buffy noted the bottle, wondering if she should really be doing this. What if it did hurt him? Giles sensed the hesitation and decided to soothe her doubt. “It won’t hurt him. It’s just essence.”

“It better not hurt, doc. It’s only a cut.” Buffy turned back to Rocco, seeing that he was a bit more relaxed now. She gently squeezed his shoulder.

“Ready?” Rocco gave her a puzzled look.

“Yeah, luv. You look spooked. It’s just medicine. It’s not gonna hurt me, tell her Giles.” Giles nodded but Buffy still felt awkward, testing him like this. She took a deep breath as she opened the bottle. Rocco never took his eyes off her. She liked the attention, but it made her feel uncomfortable at the same time. Maybe if they were alone. She shook the thought from her mind and slowly poured the powder over his wound, her eyes squinting as though she were in pain. However, once the powder touched his skin without effect, she felt much better. But still confused. It hadn’t hurt him. So, he wasn’t a vampire. He wasn’t Spike. Maybe another test?

“Giles, can you pass me the antiseptic.” At first, he had no idea what she was talking about. Where was he supposed to find antiseptic? She motioned to the vials of holy water. Giles picked up on what she was trying to do and grabbed one of the vials. Rocco noted the bit of confusion, his mind beginning to mull over the situation. As Buffy dabbed the cotton bandage with holy water, Rocco spoke.

“So, Dr. Giles. What field of medicine you specialize in, if you don’t mind me asking.” Giles was taken aback by the question. After all, he really didn’t know that much about medicine. Demons and prophecies, that he knew. Rocco saw that he was fumbling for an answer. Didn’t matter. He just got his.

“Uh, pediatrics. You know. Love helping the little ones.” Giles wondered if that came out wrong but kept on talking. “Dawn is one of my favorite patients. Isn’t that right?” Dawn played along.

“Yeah. I always get good marks when I see him.” Rocco didn’t say anything. He just smiled. Buffy noted the smile, wondering what he was thinking.

“So, I’m guessing the girls don’t get sick that often then?” Giles had no idea what he was talking about. “You know, given the fact that you flew all the way from London.” Buffy finally knew what he was thinking. He saw through the charade. “And don’t even get me started on how ludicrous it is for a doctor, from London no less, to fly all the way to California, just to tend to a flesh wound.” Giles shook his head in disbelief. He was just like Spike.

“Okay, I’m not their doctor.” Tara decided to try and lighten the situation.

“I’m in the mood for waffles. Anyone else for waffles?” Her request fell on deaf ears, the situation getting tenser by the moment. Buffy fastened the bandage onto Rocco’s back, noting that he was tense. She had to defuse the situation.

“This isn’t what it looks like.” He turned to her, Dawn and Tara still standing beside Giles.

“Oh, good. Because it looked like your Watcher was trying to run some tests on me.” Buffy froze. How did he know so much? Giles spoke.

“Ex-Watcher.” Giles turned to Tara. “Could you take Dawn into the kitchen? We need to talk.” Tara nodded. She felt uncomfortable enough as it was. Going into the kitchen seemed like a good idea right about now. Dawn, on the other hand, didn’t think so.

“Hey, I wanna listen too.” Buffy turned to her sister, a look of concern on her face.

“Dawnie. Please.” Dawn saw that her sister meant business, so she conceded.

“Fine. I need breakfast anyway before I go to school.” She walked past Giles, looking back at Rocco. “See you later.” Rocco shot her a grin.

“Not if I see you first, niblet.” Dawn walked into the kitchen, Tara looking at Buffy on the couch with Rocco.

“I’ll take Dawnie to school today. Looks like you guys are gonna be a while.” Buffy gently smiled at her friend.

“Thanks, Tara. I appreciate this.” Tara returned the smile and walked into the kitchen.

“So, Dawnie. You ready for some waffles?” Buffy turned back to Giles, wondering what he’d say. Unfortunately, he seemed lost in thought. After an awkward silence, Rocco spoke.

“So, you gonna finish the tests, or am I free to go?” Giles looked back to Rocco, a hint of annoyance washing over him. He definitely acted like Spike.

“How do you know about the Slayer and the Watcher Council?” Rocco sat there, a gentle look on his face. He was being serious now.

“Lot o’ things I know. Problem is, I’m not sure how.” Buffy could see that he was telling the truth. He never wavered in his voice or his gaze.

“And what makes you think you can trust us?” Giles was still unsure of this conundrum sitting in front of him. He had to be sure this person didn’t prove a threat to Buffy. After all she’d suffered in the past few years, this would push her over the edge.

“Dunno. Got a feeling, is all.” He was looking at Buffy as he said this. She returned his smile. “So, I let you run these tests.” He got up from the couch, now standing in front of Giles. “Any chance you can help me with my problem?” Giles saw the sincerity on his face.

“We’ll see what we can do.”

Dawn had just stepped out of the door with Tara when Giles placed the cross in front of Rocco. “What do you want me to do with that?” Buffy was now descending the stairs, all dressed and ready for a new day when she saw what Giles had done. She made her way back into the living room, standing with Giles.

“Yeah. What do you want him to do with that?” Rocco smiled at Buffy. At least someone was on his side. Somewhat, anyway.

“Buffy, we have to make sure. He hasn’t touched it yet.” The wheels in Rocco’s head began to turn.

“So, what? You think I’m a vampire?” Buffy and Giles turned to face him, Buffy somewhat sorry that he had put his shirt back on. She liked shirtless Spike. Rocco. She was confusing the two once again.

“Well, there was the fight in the cemetery.” Rocco was tying his sneakers, not looking at her now.

“So, I toss a few wankers and that automatically makes me a vamp?” He moved to the other sneaker. “Ever think that I could be a Slayer, like you?” Giles softly chuckled. He wanted to be good. How Spike, he thought to himself. “What’s so bloody funny, Rupert.” Giles steeled himself. He turned to Buffy.

“Did you tell him my first name?” Buffy shook her head. He turned back to Rocco, who was now sitting upright on the couch, his hands on his knees. “How did you know my name then?” Rocco searched for an answer, finding that one wasn’t forthcoming.

“Huh. Not sure. Probably overheard it in conversation.” He knew that wasn’t it. He hadn’t met this man until today. But here he was, calling him by his first name. Buffy spoke.

“We’ve only spoken the few times. And I’ve never mentioned Giles.” Buffy was worried and hopeful at the same time. She was worried about what was going through Rocco’s mind right now. But she was hopeful that the knowledge of Giles’ first name would be some indication that this was indeed Spike sitting in front of them.

“Well, I don’t know. I just…I just knew.” Rocco ran his hands through his hair, the brownish blonde hair falling over his forehead, his ears. Giles could see that he was frustrated.

“We’ll worry about that later. Just pick up the cross, if you can.” Rocco turned his sight to the Watcher and the Slayer. He nodded his head. His hand reached out to the wooden cross. Buffy held her breath, awaiting the result. His hand clutched the base of the cross, Rocco holding it out to Giles.

“Happy?” Giles took the cross from Rocco and placed it back into his bag. Buffy could see that Giles was confused by the results. He was muttering to himself now.

“Test of strength.” Buffy responded.

“What’s that, Giles?” Giles turned to face Buffy.

“Maybe your eyes were playing tricks on you last night. Maybe he got lucky. Maybe…” Buffy interrupted him.

“Maybe he broke a vampire’s arm, kicked one into another, and punched one six feet into the air?” Rocco couldn’t help but smile. She had been taking notes. Giles took off his glasses, rubbing them with his shirttail.

“Well, yes. That’s another possibility.” Rocco knew that he wouldn’t believe her unless he saw it for himself. He got up from the couch and walked over to Giles. Buffy was about to say something but Rocco’s action left her speechless. He grabbed Giles’ jacket by the collar with his right hand and proceeded to lift him up. Giles looked at him in awe, his feet dangling in the air.

“Good enough?” Giles nodded.

“Good enough.” Rocco slowly placed the Watcher back on the ground, shooting a grin at Buffy. She couldn’t help but smile back. He could be a jerk if he wanted to be. “So, you have the strength of a vampire, but none of their weaknesses.” Giles placed his glasses back on his face, contemplating where to go from here. He walked over to his bag, rummaging for something. Buffy walked closer to Rocco, wanting to know if he was handling the situation okay.

“How you doing?” Rocco smiled gently at her.

“Other than the fact I’m being treated like a guinea pig? Just peachy.” Buffy’s hand gently found its way around his, gently squeezing it. “And to top it off, you’re seeing me at my worst. I haven’t had a chance to do my morning duties yet.” Buffy eyed him curiously.

“You mean a shower?”

“Among other things.” He ran his hand across his face. Buffy finally noticed it. She didn’t know why she didn’t see it before. Maybe because she never had to before. Her hand went to his face; slowly grazing its way across his soft, yet rough skin. Rough?

“You have stubble.” Rocco wasn’t sure where she was going with this.

“Well, yeah. Haven’t had a chance to shave yet.” Buffy’s eyes grew wider, her excitement seizing control of her. She put her hand over his mouth, feeling it. He was breathing. She had to make sure. She placed her ear against his chest, startling Rocco.

“Luv, don’t think this is the time, with Rupert in the room…”

“Shh.” Giles finally found the text he was looking for. When he turned around, he didn’t expect to see what he did.

“Buffy. What are you doing?” Buffy waved her hand at Giles, motioning him to be quiet. She listened closely, both men remaining quiet. After adjusting her ear against Rocco’s chest, she found what she was looking for. The rhythm was distinct. “What is it, Buffy?” She moved away from Rocco, smiling maniacally.

“A heartbeat. He has a heartbeat.” Giles didn’t realize the text had dropped from his hand until it landed on his foot.

“I don’t know why I didn’t consider it.” Giles was now sitting down in the armchair, his injured foot up on the coffee table. “A human.” He shook his head, taking another gulp of brandy that Buffy had gotten him to calm his nerves. He placed the glass back onto the coaster, his hand massaging the bridge of his nose. Rocco was sitting on the couch adjacent to Giles, Buffy next to him.

“Can’t be sure I am.” Giles gave him a quizzical look. “Human, that is. After all, how many humans can do the things I can.”

“I can.” The two men turned to see Buffy with her hand up, smiling playfully.

“Point. But that’s because you’re the Slayer.” Rocco bent his head down slightly, frustration setting in once again. “What does that make me?” He felt Buffy’s hand over his, her voice calling to him.

“Human.” She could see his lips curve upward even though he was still looking downward. She would have to be content with that. She turned to Giles. “So, what now?” Giles slowly placed his foot back onto the ground, wincing as he did so.

“Honestly? I don’t know.” He grabbed the text by the foot of the chair, slowly lifting it up to the coffee table. “I was going to perform a sense spell, to see what he was…is. But since we already know…” He eyed the book with disdain, the pain still throbbing in his foot.

“This could be a memory thing, right?” Giles’s gaze moved from the text to Buffy. Rocco was now looking at her as well.

“Could very well be.”

“So, what about hypnosis?” The question hung in the air for a while. It almost dissipated until Rocco spoke.

“I’m game.” Giles was going to initially reject the idea. Hypnosis really wasn’t that reliable. And whatever information they did get might not be that valid. However, they had come to a dead end. He conceded.

“Very well. Let’s begin.”

Rocco sat in the armchair now, Giles on the coffee table. He held out a gold pocket watch, slowly dangling it in front of him. Buffy stood behind Giles, her arms crossed about her chest. Giles began swinging the watch slowly in front of Rocco. His gaze never left the watch as he relaxed into the chair.

“Okay. Focus on the watch. There’s nothing else here but the watch. No Buffy. No Giles. No outside world. Just the watch.” Rocco didn’t speak, his eyes following the glimmering watch. His eyelids were beginning to droop. Buffy was concerned. What if this didn’t work? What if something wrong happened? What if Spike only got back his evil memories? She shook her head. She wasn’t even sure if this was Spike.

Rocco’s grip on the armrests began to relax. Buffy could see that he was falling under the Watcher’s thrall. “Good. I’m going to count from ten to one. When I snap my fingers, you will be relaxed. At peace.” Rocco didn’t answer. His eyes continued their lock on the pocket watch. “Ten. Nine. Eight.” The world began to fade away from Rocco’s perception. Giles and Buffy were fading away into blackness, only the watch remaining. The living room faded into darkness, the watch glinting at him as it swayed back and forth. The Watcher’s voice sounded muted now. He wasn’t sure what he was saying until he heard it. A loud snap. Then Rocco was alone. Nothing around him. Not even the watch.

Buffy looked concerned, noting that Rocco was breathing shallowly. He looked almost peaceful. Giles, seeing that Rocco was in the trance, began. “I’m going to ask you some questions now. Nod your head if you understand.” Rocco did. “Good. Let’s begin. What’s your name?” Giles waited, hoping that the information they got from this session would be useful.

“Rocco.” Buffy’s hopeful look turned to one of disappointment. He didn’t remember. “No. William.” Giles eyebrow rose slightly. Double persona? He continued on.

“What is the first thing you remember?” Rocco seemed uncomfortable now, his brow furrowed. Buffy could see the pain on his face.

“Red light. Yellow light. Purple light.” Giles didn’t know what he meant.

“Can you go into more detail?”

“Black eyes.” Rocco was now struggling, his hands tensing against the fabric of the armrests. “Red hair.” Buffy finally realized what he was talking about. He was remembering the battle with Willow. He was remembering his own death. Spike was remembering the last moments of his life. She leaned closely to Giles’ ear, whispering.

“Willow.” Giles nodded. He also realized what Rocco was talking about. What Spike was talking about. He continued with the questions.

“What else do you remember?”

“Blood. Tears.” Rocco looked as pained as he sounded now. “Pain. Dawn.” Buffy sighed almost in relief. He remembered Dawn. Her relief quickly subsided when she saw the tear trickling from Rocco’s eye. He was in pain. Giles didn’t notice. “Couldn’t keep my promise. Couldn’t save her.” His eyes were squinted now, as though he didn’t want to see what his mind was showing him. Buffy didn’t want him to suffer anymore.

“Giles. We should stop.” Giles waved his hand at Buffy, knowing that they were making progress.

“Whom couldn’t you save?” A moment of silence as Spike fought for words.

“Dawn.” Buffy hadn’t realized that her eyes were swelling with tears. “Buffy. Couldn’t save them.” She put her hand to her mouth. He remembered the tower. He remembered Glory.

“Go back to Dawn. Why couldn’t you save her?” Buffy found Giles tone now cold, unfeeling. Almost as if he was one of those Council bastards.

“Red. Hellgate. Dawn.” He was no longer speaking coherently, spouting out words, ideas that rattled in his head. “God, the blood. So much blood.” Spike felt pained saying the words, his tears coming faster now. “Dawn. Her throat.” Buffy flashed back to that night. The night where Drusilla had killed Dawn. The night that Willow lost herself.

“What next?” Giles was scribbling down some notes now. Buffy couldn’t help but hate him now. Spike was in pain, and he was writing down notes like he was in a college lecture.

“Pain. So much pain. Body hurting. Body screaming.” Buffy could see Spike’s hands were now digging into the armrests, his feet pushing against the floor. “Buffy. Smiling. Crying.” She felt a lump in her throat. He remembered dying. In her arms. A tear trickled down her face.

“Tell me about the pain.” Buffy shot Giles a look that would stop a bloodthirsty vampire in its tracks. Unfortunately, Giles wasn’t looking at her. His attention was solely on the man in front of him. Spike.

“Body pulling itself apart. Too much. Can’t handle that much.” He was gasping now, his breath ragged, his brow covered with sweat. Buffy couldn’t stand to see him like this.

“Giles, stop this.” No response from the Watcher this time. Rocco continued with his broken words.

“Buffy. Buffy. Buffy.” He was crying now, tears freely flowing. “Dawn.” He remained silent. Giles decided to ask another question.

“What happened after Dawn?” Spike’s tears slowed. His demeanor was now one of confusion.

“Dark. Cold. Hard.”

“Where are you now?” Giles almost sounded fascinated. He had remembered Spike dying, the remaining energy flowing into Dawn, reviving her. But this. This was new.

“Bars. I think I see bars.” Spike reached his hand out, like he was trying to grab something, but before he could, he fell back in pain. He screamed out in anguish, his body shaking in the chair. Buffy wanted this to stop. Even if they didn’t know what had happened, Spike had gone through enough. He shouldn’t have to live through his death again. Her hand came down on Giles’ shoulder.

“Stop this. Now!” Giles nodded, still surprised by Spike’s reaction.

“Spike! When I snap my fingers again, you’ll awake!” Giles snapped his fingers, nothing happening. Buffy moved to Spike, trying to hold him down before he hurt himself.

“Giles!” As Buffy struggled to keep Spike steady, Giles realized what he had done wrong.

“Rocco! When I snap my fingers, you’ll awake!” One more time and Spike relaxed in Buffy’s grasp. His spasms began to slow. He slowly opened his eyes, his body slouching into the cushions. Buffy moved to Spike’s side, her hand on his cheek. She was the first thing he saw. He couldn’t help but smile.

“So, did I say anything interesting?” Buffy’s heart dropped. He hadn’t remembered anything. She was so close to getting him back. But she couldn’t put him through that pain again. She shot him a small smile, the sadness still in the back of her mind.

“Lots.” Giles decided to intervene before Buffy said something that might shake Spike’s already fragile psyche.

“Actually, Rocco. It was an utter failure.” Giles took his glasses off, customarily cleaning them with his shirt. Buffy turned back to him, astonished at what he’d just said. And why was he still calling him Rocco? Before she could ask, Spike interrupted.

“God, I feel like I’ve been thrown to the lions.” He tried to get out of the chair but stumbled. Buffy gently grabbed him by the arm, steadying him. “You sure nothing happened, Rupert?” Buffy eyed Giles, waiting for his response.

“Not a thing. Sorry.” Giles never looked at them.

“Buffy. I’m feeling mighty tired. Is it okay if I…” Buffy nodded, knowing what he was going to say.

“Let me take you upstairs. You can use my bed.” Spike smiled gently at her, Buffy returning it in kind.

“Thanks, luv. You’re a lifesaver.” As Buffy guided Spike upstairs, she contemplated what had just happened. Giles was hiding the truth from Spike. And she wanted to know why.

When she came down the stairs, Giles had cleaned up the living room; his items now back in the bag. He was sitting there, looking at the stairs. He knew what was coming. “So, are you going to tell me what the hell just happened?” Buffy stood in front of him, her demeanor sour. Giles remained seated, his foot still aching him.

“Buffy, he doesn’t know who he is.” He remained reasonable, knowing that she wouldn’t be as such. “He thinks he’s still Rocco.”

“But he’s Spike.” She wanted to shout, she wanted to scream. But she knew that he was upstairs. Tired. Weary. He deserved to rest. She sighed softly, regaining some semblance of composure. “He remembers that night. Who knows how much more he can remember.” Her voice became unsteady, her emotions getting the better of her. Giles got up, wincing as he did. He put his hand on her shoulder, softly squeezing it.

“Probably everything. But we can’t rush this. You saw what happened when I tried to ask him what happened after he…” Giles wanted to put this delicately, to avoid hurting Buffy. “After Willow.” He looked into her eyes, wanting to make sure she understood why he did what he had done. He saw sadness coupled with understanding. It was amazing how far she had come. How mature she had become. She was her own person now. She was an adult.

“So, how do we get his memory back?” Buffy’s voice was sullen, yet reasonable.

“I’m certain that it will come back in time. Certain events, interactions, will trigger his latent memories.” Buffy smiled gently at him, happy about the news. He didn’t want to bring up the next topic, because it would most likely negate that feeling. But he had to say it. “Buffy. I don’t think that’s the question we should be asking though. I think the right question is, how did he come back? And why this personality?”

“Does it matter?” Buffy didn’t want to hear this right now. “He’s back. He’s gonna be okay. Does it really matter?” Buffy’s emotions were now coming to the surface, sadness and despair tinting her voice. Giles could see that she didn’t want this to be temporary. She wanted him back. She needed him back. Giles tilted her chin, looking into her eyes.

“Buffy, do you remember what happened when you came back?” How could she not? All she remembered was the pain and suffering she lived through during those first few months. But he had been there to help her. He had been there to comfort her. He had been there for her. She understood what Giles was trying to say.

“Yeah. I remember.” She meekly smiled at him, her eyes sorrowful. “Okay, we’ll figure out what happened to him.” Giles had to make sure that she truly understood.

“And we can’t let him know that he’s someone else. Until his memory comes back, he is Rocco.” Giles could see the tears in her eyes now. He did the only thing he could. The only thing he could in moments like these. He became the father she never had. “Come here.” He moved his hand from her shoulder to her back, pulling her slowly into his arms. Buffy began to cry against his chest, Giles holding her.

“But it’s so hard. Now that I know.” She spoke in hiccups, the tears getting the better of her. “How can I be around him, knowing that he’s Spike? How?” Her tears came faster. “Tell me how.”

Giles held her close to him, smoothing her hair with his hand. “I honestly don’t know how.” Buffy laughed against his chest, still crying. “Not the answer you were looking for. But I know you, Buffy. You’ll get through this. For him, you will.” Giles hadn’t realized it until that moment. But he knew that Spike was someone special. Not just to Buffy, but to all of them. He may have had his sordid past, but he had more than paid reparations for them. First with Glory. Then with Buffy. Finally with Willow. He had been a hero many times over. And he was the constant that Buffy needed in her life. The person that would love her, good or bad. Spike would be there for her. He’d make sure of it.

Buffy’s crying subsided, her arms now wrapping around Giles’ waist. “Thanks, Giles.” Giles looked down at her, a look of confusion on his face.

“For what?”

“For being here.” Giles chuckled softly, his voice a whisper.

“Always, Buffy. Always.”

It was well into the evening when Spike stirred from the bed. Whatever the Watcher had done to him, it definitely took its toll. Spike came downstairs, noting that the living room was bustling with life. Dawn had come home, as did Tara. Buffy was also there. He stepped off the stairs onto the floorboard, an audible creak making the group know they weren’t alone. “Uh. Hello ladies.” He made his way into the living room, sitting next to Dawn. As he glanced down, he could see that she was working on some schoolwork. Mindless schoolwork. Like history ever made a difference. “What have you gals been doing during my beauty sleep?”

“Oh, nothing. Just talking about which one of us would be the one to wake you up.” Dawn smiled as she said this. Buffy had told them everything. The man in the living room was Spike. All he needed was time to remember. She’d wait. It was better than not having him around. Spike smiled at her.

“So, now that it doesn’t make a difference.” He leaned in closer to Dawn, grabbing the book from her. “Which one of you lost?” Buffy and Tara couldn’t help but smile. He could be charming when he wanted to be. Dawn tried to get the book back. Not because she was interested in the assignment. But because Spike had challenged her. And she never backed down from a challenge. She lunged for the book, but Spike moved it out of the way, Dawn landing on the couch.

“Buffy. Tell him to give me my book back.” She was mock complaining, her eyes playful. Spike could play as well.

“No interference, luv. This is between me and the niblet.” Buffy smiled playfully, watching the two tangle for the textbook. She couldn’t contain her laughter. It felt almost like old times. Almost.

“Fine, fine. Buffy lost.” Dawn’s hand swiped the book from Spike’s hand, Spike now paying all of his attention to Buffy. “Happy?”

“Don’t know yet.” He looked at her, sitting in the armchair, a small smile playing on her face. “You woulda been gentle, right, pet?” Buffy blushed, thinking of all the times they had been gentle together in her bed. She had to regain the initiative.

“Well. I guess we’ll never know.” She shot him a playful smile, Tara failing to contain her laughter. Dawn was more successful, only because she didn’t pick up on the double entendre. At that moment, Giles called from the kitchen.

“Tara, could you give me a hand in here?”

“What’s wrong, Giles?” He sounded almost embarrassed as he spoke.

“Oh. I think I’ve burnt the water.” The group laughed as soon as they heard this. “Don’t think I can’t hear you all out there. Serves you right if I give you all food poisoning.” Tara got up from the couch, moving to the kitchen to aid Giles in the dinner preparation. Dawn sat back down in front of the coffee table, resuming her homework. Buffy spoke to Spike, who was now peering over Dawn’s shoulder.

“So, care to stay for dinner?” He looked up, a familiar look on his face.

“Depends. Giles is making something edible, right?” She stifled a giggle.

“Should be. Anyway, Tara’s supervising now, so all should be right with the world.”

“That’s good to hear. Besides, I’m famished, pet.” She was still amazed. He was human. He could breathe. He had a pulse. He got hungry. Now, if only he could get his memory back, things would be different between the two of them. Things would be better. Dawn tilted her head up, looking at Spike.

“If you’re hungry, then you should definitely stay. Tara can whip up a mean three bean salad when she has to.” Spike gently smoothed Dawn’s hair.

“That’s good to hear. As long as there’s a steak in that salad, I’ll be happy.” Buffy smiled at the two of them. It was almost like he never left, the way they spoke to one another. Maybe things were finally looking up. Giles called from the kitchen.

“Dinner’s almost ready. Buffy, could you set the table?”

“Okay, Giles.” Buffy got up, walking toward the dining room.

“Houl up, luv. Let me give you a hand.” He never saw the smile on her face as they walked into the dining room. God give her strength, she’d wait for him. She’d wait forever for him.

“Dawn, go get cleaned up.”

“Okay.” Dawn gathered up her backpack and books, proceeding upstairs. Buffy and Spike continued to talk as they set the table for dinner.

It was a relatively happy evening. They all sat around the table, talking about what they’d done that day. Almost like family. Giles could see that Buffy was happy. He hadn’t seen her like that in months, maybe even years. All because of the man sitting next to her. Giles would do his best to help him. To help the both of them. He’d go through the notes he’d taken during their session, trying to decipher any patterns, any clues, that would aid in recovering Spike’s memories. Until then, he’d enjoy this moment at the dinner table.

“Well, Giles. That was a delicious meatloaf. In fact, I think it was my first meatloaf.” Spike had two servings. Giles wasn’t sure if it was the hunger or the taste that brought him back for more. However, he wouldn’t ignore a culinary compliment.

“Thank you, Rocco. Although, I have to admit, if it wasn’t for Tara’s quick save, you’d be feasting of char instead of charbroiled.”

“I thought it was oven baked?” Giles shot Dawn an annoyed look. And after all the work he’d done to get that quip out. Shot down by a fifteen year old.

“Yes. Well.” Giles took a sip of his wine, trying to ignore Dawn’s observation.

“Dawnie. The oven kinda chars the top of the meatloaf.” Leave it to Tara to come to his aid. Giles kindly smiled at Tara for the quick save. Buffy looked at the time on the clock, noting that it was almost time for her to patrol. She sighed softly, not wanting to leave the festive atmosphere. However, a calling was a calling. Even if you were the Slayer.

“This was great Giles. Tara. But I think it’s time for me to start my second shift.” Dawn and Tara looked almost shocked, Buffy revealing her secret to Spike in the open. Buffy saw the look on their faces and decided to clear the air.

“It’s okay, guys. Rocco knows I’m the Slayer.” Spike shot them a grin, confirming Buffy’s statement.

“No worries, ladies. Her secret’s safe with me.” Buffy could see that Dawn and Tara had numerous questions to ask, but they’d have to wait. Slay time was here. Buffy got up from the table, starting to clear the plates from the table. “Let me help you with that, luv.” Spike got up, gathering up the plates on the other side of the table. The rest of the group thanked the two and continued talking amongst themselves. Buffy walked into the kitchen, Spike following.

“Just put them in the sink. I’ll get around to them later.” Spike gave her an amused look as she placed the dishes into the sink. “What?”

“You have Slayer powers, but you run from food grease?” Spike placed his handful of plates into the sink, grabbing a dishcloth while turning on the faucet. A dab of dishwashing liquid later and he was cleaning the dishes. Buffy smiled softly. Who knew Spike could be domestic? “Grab a rag. You can help me dry.”

“Okay.” Buffy reached over Spike’s hands, grabbing the dry towel on the other side of the sink. As she brought her hand back, it gently grazed his wet one. They looked at each other, hands still touching. A moment that lasted an eternity, then Buffy slowly pulled her hand away. Spike gently smiled at her, placing the clean dish in her hand. Another weak smile from Buffy as she proceeded to dry the plate. Spike broke the awkward silence.

“So, you gonna be okay, patrolling by your lonesome?”

“Uh, yeah.” She placed the dish in the dish rack as she spoke.

“Need a hand?” Buffy almost slammed the plate against the rack as he spoke. Did he just offer to go patrolling with her? Maybe he was remembering patrolling with her before he died. Maybe it was a good idea for him to come along. It could jog his memory. But she had to stop by Xander’s. Anya had told him about Rocco. They needed to know the whole story. Anyway, she had to see freaky Xander. He didn’t like Spike, and now that he was back, his reaction ought to be priceless.

“Thanks. But I have to stop off by a friend’s place first. Wouldn’t want you to feel all out of place.” Spike gently smiled at her, handing her another dish.

“S’okay. I should get home anyway. My plants are probably parched.” Wow, he was taking care of something. And he was worried. How weird. And definitely cute.

“You like shrubberies?” They gently laughed. He must have been a Monty Python fan. “Seriously, though. What kind of plants?”

Spike finished washing the last dish, handing it to Buffy. He tore off a paper towel from the dispenser, drying his hands. “Flowers mostly. Tulips, lilies, roses.” He tossed the paper towel into the garbage, then jumped up onto the counter. He watched as Buffy finished drying the last dish. “Makes the place rather appealing.” Buffy could see it now, his room strewn with all colors of flowers. She’d have to see his place. To see the flowers, and to know where he lived. It wasn’t like he was living in the crypt anymore.

“I’d like to see your flowers.” She placed the last dish into the dish rack, grabbing a paper towel. As she turned around, she saw him sitting on the counter, looking at her with those dark blue pools. She felt so exposed when he looked at her. “I mean, if you’d let me.” He chuckled softly.

“Anytime, pet. Just let me know when.” She smiled softly at him, dropping her wet towel into the garbage. He jumped off the counter, giving her a playful look. “Let’s say we get going. You can walk me home.” Buffy laughed softly. She nodded.

“Okay, let me get my coat.” They walked out into the living room, the group sitting in front of the television, watching one of those teen dramas that Dawn loved. Giles was rummaging through his bag, looking for some odd knickknack once again. Buffy slipped Spike’s coat on, the stake still in the pocket.

“Been meaning to tell you.” Spike moved in front of her, holding the door open for her. “That coat looks great on you.” Buffy hid a small smile. She always thought that Spike would like her in his clothes. When he got his memory back, she’d have to test that theory more meticulously. Buffy waved at the others, Giles still rummaging through his bag.

“Bye guys. Be back soon.”

“Bye, Buffy. Bye, Rocco.” Dawn never took her eyes off the television screen. Tara waved at the couple while Giles just mumbled something. The two walked out the door, leaving the others in the living room. Tara was curious now, Giles scavenging getting the better of her.

“What are you looking for, Giles?” He never took his eyes off the bag.

“Hmm. What’s that?” Dawn was still fixated on the television, not paying attention to the conversation Tara and Giles were now having.

“You look like you’ve lost something.” Giles looked up, concern on his face.

“I can’t find them.”

“What?”

“My notes from this morning. They’re gone.”

He lived in a rather quaint apartment complex. It looked almost like Giles’ old place, down to the small patio area in the center. They walked up to the second floor. As far as she could see, there were only four apartments per floor. And they all looked very spacious. She wondered how he could afford a place like this but decided to leave it alone. They’d be time to ask him later.

He finally stopped in front of the second door. Number 220. Okay, she knew where he lived now. What else could she possibly learn tonight? Spike fiddled with his keys, finally finding the one that fit the lock. The lock tumbled open, Spike slowly pushing the door open. “Well, thanks for walking me home, pet.”

“My pleasure.” She meant it. Even though he didn’t need protection, she enjoyed being in his company. Spike turned around, his body in front of the doorframe. Buffy stood in front of him, standing outside. She could see the roses from over his shoulder. They were healthy, blooming.

“I’d invite you in…” Her heart began to flutter. Was he going to ask her in? He had that look in his eyes. That look he made when he was about to say something very moving, very romantic. “…But I know you have a prior engagement.” Okay. So her game was somewhat off. It wasn’t entirely her fault. After all, he was acting differently, with this new personality. It was his fault. All his fault. Then she felt it. His hand on her face, gently pushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear. He smiled at her, his eyes gentle.

“Yeah, I should get going.” She didn’t move. She couldn’t move. They stood there, in front of his door. Looking at each other. She didn’t realize it, but her hand was now on his arm. Her eyes were focused on his face, his cheekbones, his lips. She didn’t realize that her lips were on his until it was too late. Her eyes slowly closed, relishing the feel of him again. She felt guilty, doing this. That was, until she felt his hand on the small of her back, pulling her closer to him. Although the kiss was chaste, she could feel the passion in it. In him.

She didn’t know how long the kiss lasted. All she knew was that he had pulled away, making her miss him that much more. Her eyes slowly opened, looking deep into his. “Wow.” He pretty much summed up the whole event right there.

“Yeah.” Now the guilt came flooding back. Even though it was Spike in front of her, he didn’t know it. And it wasn’t right, expecting something from him that he might not be able to provide. She had to wait. She’d wait. Spike must have seen the look of guilt, because he spoke.

“Hey, this wasn’t your fault. It was the lighting. Moon does strange things around here.” They both laughed. They knew that it was the most stupid excuse in the world. But at least it replaced the awkward moment with a silly one. “You should get going, before we do something else we’ll have to apologize for later.” He was smirking at her now. She returned it in kind.

“’Kay. See you tomorrow?” What did she just do? Yeah, don’t make it too obvious that you’re totally into him. Because that would just be wrong.

“Most definitely.” His mood became somber now. “Do you think he’ll be able to help me? Giles.” Buffy smiled at him, kindness in her eyes.

“If anyone can help you, it’s him.” She gently squeezed his hand, never losing his gaze. “I promise.”

“Thanks, Buffy.” A gentle kiss on his cheek, and she made her way down the stairs. He watched as she left the complex, then closed the door behind him. He didn’t notice the figure in the corner until he flipped on the lights.

“Hello, Spike.” Spike dropped his keys to the ground, lunging toward the stranger. His hand closed around his throat, squeezing hard.

“Who are you, mate? And what are you doing in my flat?” The stranger only smiled.

“My name’s Doc. I’m here to help you, Spike.” That’s when he noticed it. Doc had called him Spike. That wasn’t his name.

“Then you’ve got the wrong place. Name’s Rocco.” Doc continued smiling, moving his hand to his pocket. Spike squeezed harder. “No sudden moves, or I pop your head clean off.”

“Not a weapon. Just something to help you.” Spike looked at him quizzically and decided to pull the object from the pocket. Upon doing so, he pulled out a small red notebook. Spike loosened his grip on Doc, allowing him to grab the notebook back.

“Oi!” Doc quickly moved away from Spike, flipping the notebook open as he did so.

“’The patient displays memory lapses, most likely repressed. While he remembers moments in his life through means of hypnosis, he cannot recall said memories while conscious.” Spike stopped in his tracks, listening to Doc read. Giles had hypnotized him. It couldn’t be. “Should I continue?” Spike nodded. Doc continued.

“If his memories are repressed, telling the patient of his past could prove cataclysmic. If exposed to the truth by means other than natural recall, his behavioral patterns may be altered irrevocably.” Spike had to know.

“Who are you talking about?” Doc kept on reading.

“His violent tendencies may prove to be too powerful for him if his memories are forced on him, thus unleashing the monster we have struggled with for many years. If there is any chance to curtail the beast, we must be careful.”

“Get to the bloody point!” Spike was moving from annoyed to pissed. Doc kept on smiling while he read.

“Rocco must not know that he is, indeed, William the Bloody. Or, as he is better known, Spike.” Spike felt his world falling away from him. He was Rocco. That’s all he had known. But Spike was someone from their past. From Buffy’s past.

“Where did you get that from?” Doc tossed the notebook to Spike. He flipped it open, noting the name on the inside cover.

“Rupert Giles?” He had said that the session had revealed nothing. But his written words said different. Why would he hide this?

“I can help you, if you let me.” Spike turned his gaze to Doc, who was still smiling, adjusting his glasses as he did so.

“And why would you help me?”

“Because your enemies are mine as well.”

“What enemies are those, mate?” Doc moved closer to him, noting that Spike was more interested in listening than killing.

“The Watcher. The Council.” He paused a bit, allowing his words to sink in. “The Slayer.” From the look on Spike’s face, Doc knew that he was doing extremely well. “Ask yourself. Why would they hide the truth from you?” He began to walk past him, stopping by his side. “And why can’t you remember your time in London?” Spike looked shocked now. He barely knew how he arrived in London. He still wasn’t sure why he’d come back here. He needed answers. And right now, Doc was giving it out by the handful. Doc began to move past him, opening the door. “Keep the book. There’s more information in there about you. I’ll be around if you want me to fill in the gaps.” As he began moving through the door, Spike spoke.

“Oi, mate.” Doc didn’t turn around. “Tell me everything.” Doc smiled, moving back into the apartment, closing the door behind him.

Continue