Sweet Dreams
Xander had doubted his sanity before, almost once daily for the entire span of his relationship with Anya in fact. <But this takes the cake>, he thought. Xander was standing in a grocery store, deciding which type of ice cream to buy, with a murderer.
"We could go for plain vanilla?" Andrew suggested, "I think everyone likes vanilla..." Xander wasn't listening, though. He'd been trying to picture Andrew with a knife in his hand, let alone plunging one into his best friend. <He just seems too meek to hurt anything,> Xander thought. Andrew tossed the tub of ice cream into the cart, and put his hands on his hips, "Xander," he said, "you've been staring at me for like ten minutes..." He eyed Xander cautiously, "is something wrong?"
"Wha? Oh, sorry," Xander looked down at the grocery cart. "Andrew...?" Andrew raised his eyebrows, waiting. Xander wanted to ask how he'd been able to it, why he'd killed Jonathan. But he wasn't going to ask in the middle of the grocery store. Xander had waited this long, he could wait until they got home. "Nothing," Xander said, "never mind."
Xander kept quiet for the rest of their shopping trip (they'd set out for milk, and ended up with a cart full of food). Andrew seemed too happy to be out of the house to notice or take offence at Xander's silence.
They pushed the cart up to the checkout and began unloading. <There's enough food here to feed an army for a month,> Xander thought, <or a potential slayer army for a week>, he chuckled to himself.At the last moment, Andrew realised that they'd forgotten the milk, and ran back to get some. "You and your boyfriend having a party?" The cashier asked. She was young and pretty, but Xander had barely noticed her. He was still distracted by his questions about Andrew.
"What?" He asked.
"You and your boyfriend?" she said again, "you must be having a party, 'cause there's no way you two could eat all this without help." She smiled. Xander frowned.
"Well, you could sort of say we're having a party," Xander smiled, "or that we have a really big extended family coming to stay for-," Xander stopped suddenly, "boyfriend?" he asked, "no, no, no," Xander shook his head and waved his hands in the air, "not gay," he said.
The cashier smiled, "Sure, what ever you say," she said. Xander opened his mouth to demand that the cashier tell him exactly *why* she'd thought Andrew was his boyfriend, but then Andrew ran back with the milk. Not wanting to bring it up in front of Andrew, Xander put his question aside, and after the bill was paid, they left. Xander sulked silently the entire way home.
* * * * *
"Xander," Andrew said as they packed the groceries into the fridge and cupboards in the kitchen, "are you mad at me? You haven't said a single thing since we left the store." He frowned.
"Uh…" Xander said, searching for an excuse, "my lip," he said, "it's still a little sore from the bonking earlier."
Andrew smiled playfully, and jumped up onto the counter with the new tub of ice cream and a spoon in his hand, "want me to kiss it better for you?" he asked.
"NO!" Xander shouted, more loudly than he'd meant to.
Andrew froze with a spoonful of ice cream half way to his mouth, "Wow," he said, "overreact much? I was *kidding*." He suddenly remembered his ice cream, and spooned it into his mouth.
Xander groaned, "Sorry, I didn't mean to yell, I guess I'm just kinda edgy what with all the no sleeping lately." He jumped up onto the counter beside Andrew, grabbed another spoon and helped himself to some ice cream. It felt good on his lip, which was actually a little swollen from colliding with Andrew's forehead earlier. He sighed, "The cashier thought we were gay," he said quickly.
Andrew, who was about to eat another spoonful of ice cream, missed his mouth completely, and ended up with ice cream from the bridge of his nose to the bottom of his chin. He laughed nervously and wiped most of the stray ice cream off with his hand.
"Why would she think we were gay?" Xander continued.
Andrew smiled awkwardly and shrugged, "I don't know, maybe she thought we'd make a cute couple?" he guessed.
"But," Xander frowned, "I don't look gay, do I?"
Andrew shrugged again, "I don't know," he said, "do I look gay?"
"Well, yes," Xander said, "but then, I mean, you are gay... right?"
Andrew gasped, "What makes you think I'm gay!?" he said, jumping off the counter and crossing his arms in front of his chest again. Xander gaped at him. "Just because I'm not a big burly... carpenter, doesn't mean that I'm gay." Andrew whined.
"Sorry," Xander said, "just what with the whole 'Warren worship' thing you had going on," he shrugged, "and I mean, you practically drool if Spike walks by with his shirt off..." Andrew frowned. "If you *were* gay," Xander said, "that would be okay, you know, you're part of a pretty accepting crowd here."
Andrew hesitated, pursing his lips. "You wouldn't think less of me if I were gay?" he asked cautiously.
"No," Xander said firmly, "and if anyone ever did, they'd have to answer to me."
"Really?" Andrew asked, smiling, "You'd stick up for me?"
"Of course I would," Xander said, "just like I would for any of my friends."
"That's very sweet of you, Xander," Andrew said, and jumped back up onto the counter. He sighed, "And yes, I'm gay." He pouted, "Am I really *that* obvious?"
"Well, honestly, I hadn't really thought much about it until the whole 'you having a sex dream about me' thing?" Xander smiled and took another spoonful of ice cream.
"So, what, you're automatically gay if you have a sexual dream about someone of the same gender?" Andrew asked huffily. "So then are you gay, or have you *never* had a dream about another man?" Andrew raised his eyebrows, waiting for a response.
Xander, ignoring him, looked at his watch: 10:30pm. "I'm exhausted," he said, "and there's an empty bed with my name on it upstairs." He hopped off the counter. Andrew continued to stare at him. "What?" Xander asked.
"Well, are you going to answer me?" Andrew whined, narrowing his eyes, "have you ever dreamed about another man?" He waited.
Xander sighed, "Okay, *not gay*, but yes, I've had a... sexual dream about another guy." He scowled, "happy?"
Andrew clapped, "Who?" he asked.
"What?!" Xander gaped at him again.
"Who was it about?" Andrew whined, "Come on, spill!"
"I am so not discussing this with you." Xander said, turning to leave.
"Was it Spike?" Andrew guessed, "He is so cool." He added reverently.
Xander made a gagging noise, "Yuck, *no* it was definitely not Spike." He rolled his eyes and shrugged, "It was Obi Wan Kenobi." He said, "Now can I go to sleep?"
Andrew cut him off, "wait, which Obi Wan are we talking about? Alec Guinness or Ewan McGregor?" he asked seriously. Xander held his hands over his face and said nothing. "Alec Guinness is definitely cool," Andrew continued, "but Ewan was good too." Andrew waited for a response. "Well?" He asked.
Xander gaped at him, "I'm going to bed now, and not talking to you about this any more." He said. Andrew pouted. "Good night, Andrew." Xander said firmly.
Andrew smiled again and waved, "Sweet dreams," he called playfully. "Oh, and Xander?" he added, "Thanks for," he pointed to his Band-Aid and then to the ice cream. "Just thanks," he shrugged, and then hopped off the counter and started cleaning up. Xander didn't know what to say, so he just left quietly and headed upstairs to claim a bed.
* * * * * *
Xander roller over and looked at the clock: 1:32am. He'd just woken up from a very vivid dream in which he'd done some very interesting and very arousing things with a certain bleach-blonde vampire. Xander silently cursed Andrew for putting ideas in his head, and got up to go to the bathroom and… relieve himself.
Xander opened the door and screamed, "AHH! Andrew, you scared the living daylights out of me!" Andrew was standing in the doorway, one hand raised as if he was about to knock on the door. He looked as shaken as Xander felt. "What is it?" Xander asked.Andrew took in a shaky breath, "I had a dream..." he said. Xander ushered him into the room, sat down on the bed, and after putting a pillow in his lap, flipped on the light. "...it was about Jonathan." Andrew sighed, and sat down on the bed next to Xander. "It was about the night..." he faltered, "about the night that I killed him."
Xander reached out and touched Andrew's arm reassuringly, "You wanna talk about it?" he asked.
Andrew shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest again, "I just didn't want to be alone." He sniffled, "I'm sorry to bother you," he added.
"Andrew," Xander began, "I don't understand why you did it, why you killed him." Xander frowned, "I'm sorry to ask, but, I mean, you just don't seem... I don't understand why." He shrugged.
Andrew looked at Xander, "For Warren," he said simply, "I loved Warren so much, when The First came to me as him... how could I say no to anything he asked of me?" Tears began rolling down Andrew's cheeks, but he ignored them. "I was just so happy to see him again, I wanted to make him proud of me."
"But you knew it wasn't Warren," Xander said, "You knew it was The First, and you still did it."
"I wanted it to be Warren so badly," Andrew said sadly, "I probably would have taken orders from a picture of him if one had started talking to me." He shook his head and wrinkled his nose, "It's awful, isn't it."
Xander said nothing, but he thought he understood a little better now. Andrew was capable of things that no one had thought he was, fuelled by his love. It was horrible, but somehow wonderful at the same time. Xander sat and studied Andrew's face in silence, seeing an age and sadness in his eyes that he'd never noticed before. Xander slid his hand from Andrew's arm to take the other man's hand in his own. Andrew's hand was soft and cool, and Xander squeezed it lightly in his own before almost reluctantly letting it go. <Cold hands, warm heart>, Xander thought to himself. Andrew sniffled, and wiped the tears from his face. Xander watched as he got up off the bed and crossed the room to leave, still saying nothing.
Andrew was just stepping out the door when Xander blurted out, "It was Alec Guinness." He sighed, "I was 14 and I had the same dream every night for a week."
Andrew looked back from the door and smiled, "Must have been a good dream," he said sadly.
"Actually, it was awful," Xander confessed, "Yoda was watching the whole time, and Obi Wan kept accidentally poking me in the eye with his light sabre." Andrew stifled a laugh, and Xander was glad to see him smile. "Good night, Andrew," he said softly, "sweet dreams." Andrew smiled again, stepped out of the room, and closed the door behind him.
Xander crawled back under the covers and flicked off the light. However, he lay away for a very long time, thinking, before he finally drifted back to sleep.