Vampire Gaydar
Andrew was sitting in the basement with Spike. He'd been staring up the stairs since Xander had excused himself to go to bed, mumbling his thanks for the food on his way out. Spike, who had returned unexplained, and apparently without the others, from their training trip, was sitting on his bed looking amusedly at Andrew.
"Well," Spike asked, "are you gonna go after him?"
Andrew pulled his attention away from the door at the top of the stairs, and focused on the blonde. "Xander said he was going to bed," he replied, "why would I go after him?"
"Well," Spike said, "you two just seemed awful cozy down here..." he fixed his blue eyes on Andrew, "all alone..."
Andrew narrowed his eyes, "What exactly are you implying?" he asked.
Spike rolled his eyes, "Oh, come on, two young, *gay* men... all alone in the basement? What do you think I'm implying?"
Andrew made an exasperated noise, and crossed his arms over his chest, "I resent that you'd just assume that I'm gay..." he pouted, too tired to argue, "even if I *am*." Spike smiled and raised his hands in the air triumphantly. Andrew frowned, "But Xander's not gay."
Spike snorted, "Xander? Not gay?" he laughed, "This is *Xander Harris* we're talking about here?"
Andrew frowned, "Yes, Xander Harris." He got up off the floor, and moved to sit cross-legged beside Spike on his bed. "and no, he's not gay." Andrew said, "he told me."
Spike was still holding the cake Andrew had made in his lap. He moved it aside, and leaned back against the wall. "Well, then I guess he lied to you," he said.
"Xander?" Andrew asked, shocked, "Xander wouldn't lie."
"Right," Spike said, "I forgot," he rolled his eyes, "*Saint Xander* can't tell a lie."
"Why do you have to be so mean to him?" Andrew asked, "And why do you think Xander's gay, did he tell you something?" he added suspiciously, "Do you know something that I don't?"
"I know lots of things you don't." Spike said cryptically. Andrew looked at him for a moment, narrowing his eyes. "What?" Spike asked.
Andrew's eyes widened suddenly, "Oh... my... god," he said slowly, "You- you have a... a thing for Xander, don't you?" Andrew covered his mouth with his hands, and continued to stare at Spike with wide eyes.
Spike grimaced, "Uh, hello?" he waved a hand, "In love with Buffy here," he said, "And why would *I* have a thing for *Xander*?"
"Well why not?" Andrew asked, defensively, "What's wrong with Xander?"
Spike raised his eyebrows, "You want a list?" he asked.
Andrew scoffed, "You... you... how can you say that?"
"Look, Xander and I, we've never really got on that well," Spike conceded, "But even if we were best mates, the boy's not my type at all."
"Oh yeah?" Andrew asked, "What is your type then?"
"Well, preferably female to start with," Spike said, ginning.
Andrew ignored him, "But, Xander's..." He blushed, "he has the sweetest eyes, and a gentle, noble heart." Andrew smiled, "And he's so strong," he sighed, "I feel so safe in his arms." Spike raised his eyebrows. "I was upset," Andrew said defensively, "Xander was comforting me."
"I'll bet." Spike said, grinning.
Andrew pouted, "It wasn't like *that*," he said.
"Sure," Spike said, "and I suppose it wasn't like *that* again when he was leanin' in to kiss you?"
Andrew's jaw dropped, "He was never... when did...? What are you talking about?" he asked, confused.
"When I first came in," Spike said, "the *Xan-man* had your face in his hand like this," Spike raised his hand to Andrew's face and placed his fingers under his chin, "and he was leanin' in."
Andrew swallowed. He was acutely aware of how cold Spike's fingers were against his skin, "...Was not," he said slowly.
Spike leaned in until his face was only inches away from Andrew's, "Was," he said, holding his gaze. Andrew swallowed again, and then Spike withdrew his hand and leaned away, back against the wall. He continued casually, "You had your eyes closed an' everythin'-,"
"Oh!" Andrew smiled brightly, "no, I had some-," he gestured to the cake beside Spike, "-chocolate on my mouth. Xander was cleaning it off for me," he explained.
Spike sighed, "Fair enough," he said, "but the boy's gay whether he'll admit it or not." Spike grinned again, "he had more than just cleanliness on his mind before I interrupted, I guarantee you."
Andrew cocked his head to the side, "What do you have some sort of special vampire 'gaydar' or something?" he asked.
"Well, I wouldn't put it quite like that, but yeah," Spike said, "I mean, I can pick up on things you people can't." Andrew furrowed his brow, confused. "I can smell it," Spike elaborated.
Andrew nodded his head, "That is so cool," he said. Spike shrugged off the praise. Andrew frowned, confused again, "So, what, gay people smell different, or...?"
Spike raised his hand, "No... Let's just say that Xander was *very happy* to be in the basement alone with you," he said.
"Really?" Andrew smiled shyly, "He... you think he *likes* me?"
"You know what I think?" Spike said, "I think you should stop asking me what Xander feels and go ask him yourself."
Andrew put a hand on his chest and took a deep breath, "I don't think I could do that," he said, "I really like Xander, and what if you're wrong?" he asked, "What if he doesn't like me back?" Andrew shook his head, "I'd feel so stupid."
"You know what, Andrew?" Spike said, "I don't really care." Andrew pouted. "Look," Spike continued, "I've been carryin' around parcels all weekend for a horde of shopping-mad teenaged girls. What would make me very happy right now is to eat the rest of that cake, and then go to sleep."
Andrew got up off the bed and made a grab for the remains of the cake sitting beside Spike, who easily held him back with one hand. "Hey, that's not fair!" Andrew whined, still reaching for the cake. "*I* made that cake, *I* should get to finish it!"
Spike pushed him away, "Let's call it payment for our little counselling session here, shall we?" Andrew pouted, but gave up trying to reach the cake, and stepped back. "Now leave me alone and go have a heart to heart with your future husband." Spike said, keeping an eye on the cake.
Andrew fidgeted, "I can't," he said, "I wouldn't know what to say."
"Wha'do you mean you wouldn't know what to say?" Spike asked. "How about-," he put on his best Andrew voice, "-Hey, Xander, how's about a shag before the world ends?"
Andrew glared, "I wouldn't say that," he said, "I *couldn't* say that." He shook his head.
"What, would you like me to go up there and talk to him for you?" Spike said sarcastically. Andrew raised an eyebrow and cocked his head to the side. "Oh, no," Spike said, "no way in *hell* you're draggin' me into this."
Andrew wrinkled his nose, "I wouldn't want you talking to him about this anyway," he said.
"What," Spike smirked, "afraid I'll go up there and steal 'im away from you?"
Andrew raised his eyebrows, "I thought you said he wasn't your type."
"He's not," Spike said firmly, "its called sarcasm." He rolled his eyes, "Look, Andrew, just go tell him how you feel," Spike said. Andrew crossed his arms over his chest and bit his lip. "You want each other, and you're just gonna drive yourselves crazy, sittin' around not doing anything about it."
Andrew looked unconvinced, "But..." he said.
"But nothing," Spike said impatiently, "session's over, now bugger off." Andrew frowned, but gathered the pizza boxes lying on the floor, and trudged off up the stairs. Just as he was closing the door behind him, Spike called, "you're not gonna tell him, are you?"
Andrew looked down at Spike, "Xander may be gay," he said, "but *I'm* not gonna pull him out of the closet, that wouldn't be fair. He needs to come to terms with himself, and he doesn't need me making things more complicated." Andrew sighed, "I'll tell him, Spike, but not until he's ready to hear it." Andrew closed the door, leaving Spike alone in the basement.
Spike tucked the remainder of the chocolate cake underneath his bed, and lay down, stretching out. <The boy's smarter than he looks,> Spike thought to himself. In the quiet, the vampire's ears could hear Xander pacing back and forth in one of the rooms upstairs. Spike rolled his eyes. He understood why Andrew wanted to wait to share his feelings with Xander, but... Spike listened as Andrew walked into the living room, <sleeping on the couch again> Spike thought, closing his eyes and waiting for sleep. Xander was still pacing upstairs. <'m not gonna get any rest if he keeps that up all night.> Spike sat up and opened his eyes, <I could save Andrew some time and pull Xander out of the closet myself...> Spike frowned, <not that I wanna help the boy,> he thought, glancing up, <just wanna stop the noise and get some rest… No harm in that...>
Spike stood up and climbed the stairs silently, pausing to listen at the door for a moment. Hearing nothing, he pushed the door open and stepped out into the kitchen. Glancing into the living room before heading upstairs, Spike saw Andrew curled up on the couch, asleep. Cocking his head to the side, Spike closed his eyes and sniffed the air lightly. He smirked, <Someone's having an *interesting* dream...> On the couch, Andrew made a low sighing noise and arched his back. Spike could hear Andrew's pulse quicken, and his demon growled. He licked his lips, it had been a long time since he'd had fresh blood, warm from the body... <It's just *Andrew*, no one would care if he lost a few pints of blood...> Spike listened as the pacing upstairs continued, <*Someone* would care.> Clenching his jaw, Spike turned and mounted the stairs, silently, cursing his soul...