Spike To The Rescue
Xander had been pacing steadily around his room; he had never been this confused before. Xander had been in the basement with Andrew when Spike had suddenly returned home without Buffy and the others. This alone was strange, but it had barely entered Xander's thoughts. In fact, Spike could have come into the basement dressed in a full-length sequined ball gown, and Xander wouldn't have given it a second thought. Xander's mind was fixed upon Andrew. Only a short while ago, Xander had been close enough to kiss Andrew, and had wanted to do just that. <Why did I want to kiss him?> Xander thought, <I don't even know if I'm gay...> Xander shook his head; he wanted to know Andrew better. Xander felt at ease with the other man, and it had been so long since he'd had a close male friend. <I don't want to throw *that* away for something I don't even know that I want yet...> Xander took his face in his hands and let out a strangled noise.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, "What?!" Xander snapped.The door opened and Spike's head poked in, "Is there a problem?" he asked.
Xander gaped at him, "If there was, you would care... why?" he asked.
"Because," Spike said, "you're makin' so much bloody noise, trompin' around up here I can hear you down in the basement." He stepped in and closed the door behind him. "Besides, you looked upset when you stormed off up here, and with this bloody soul," he shrugged, "honestly, if there's something I can do to help, I'll do it."
"I don't think you'd understand," Xander said, sitting down on the bed.
Spike pulled up a chair and sat down in front of Xander, "Try me," he said sincerely.
Xander took a deep breath and told the part of him that was saying <why are you talking to *Spike* about *this*?> to shut up. "I think I might be gay," he said at last.
"Right," Spike said, "so you're just catching up to the rest of the class then?" Xander glared. Spike rolled his eyes, "Sorry," he offered.
"No, wait," Xander asked, "why does 'the rest of the class' think that I'm gay?"
Spike shrugged, "Doesn't really matter, does it?" he said, "What matters is why *you* think it."
Xander sighed, <he has a point>, he thought. "Well, my history with women is sort of... crappy."
"Is that all?" Spike asked, "That doesn't mean you're gay, just means you're crap with women." He smirked.
"Is this you helping?" Xander asked, "Because you're not helping."
"What I mean is," Spike continued, "maybe you just haven't found the right girl yet." He shook his head, "You humans are all the same; a few bad relationships and you're ready to start playing for the other team." He snorted, "You've got to have something better than that."
"Well," Xander flushed, "I've been having these dreams..."
Spike waved his hands dismissively, "Dreams mean nothing- unless they're visions," he added seriously, "you're not havin' gay visions, are you?"
Xander glared, "No."
"Is there more, then, or can you stop stompin' around and let me get some rest?" Spike raised his eyebrows, waiting. <Come on, Xander,> he thought, <You *must* have figured out you fancy Andrew.>
Xander sighed, "Well, there's this guy..." he pointed at Spike, "Don't laugh."
Spike held up his hands defensively, "I'm not gonna laugh, mate," he said. "So what about this guy?"
Xander sighed again, and shrugged, "I just can't stop thinking about him."
Spike nodded, "Right, so why don't you tell Andrew how you feel?"
"Wha?" Xander's jaw dropped, "How did you know it was Andrew?"
"Come on, Harris, I'm a vampire," Spike tapped his nose, "I could smell it the minute I walked back into that basement. Practically had to open a window to air out all the pheromones you were puttin' off."
"Wait," Xander said, "Why *are* you here?" he asked.
"To help," Spike said, taken aback, "We've been over this already."
"No, I mean why are you *here*, aren't you supposed to be off training with Buffy and the potentials?" Xander asked.
"Right," Spike said, "Apparently when Buffy said *training* she meant *shopping*." He shrugged, "Couldn't stand any more, so I-," Spike frowned, "Don't try to change the subject." He said, "If you can't stop thinking about Andrew, then why are you sitting here talking to me about it and not off shaggin' 'im senseless?"
Xander sighed heavily, "Because," he said, "I don't know if..." He thought for a moment and Spike waited patiently, "I'm just figuring this out, Spike," Xander said at last, "I haven't had any close male friends since... well, since Oz I guess. And I like having Andrew around just as a friend."
Spike raised an eyebrow, "Just 'cause you're his friend, doesn't mean you can't do nasty things with the boy." Spike grinned.
Xander glared, "Spike, I've never even kissed another guy. And I think that those of us who don't live our lives by wacky vampire ethics would consider it... wrong, to... uh, experiment with our friends."
Spike looked at Xander thoughtfully, "What do you mean by experiment?" he asked.
Xander shrugged, "Well, I'm still not entirely sure if I'm gay..." he said. "I mean, what if I kissed Andrew and it like... ew...?" Spike looked at him, perplexed. "I don't know how to explain it, okay?" Xander said, exasperated.
"Well, Xander," Spike said, "You're never gonna know until you try it, are you?"
Xander groaned, "But then if I don't like it- I mean if I figure out I'm not gay, it'll be all weird and I'll have lost my friend."
Spike rolled his eyes, "Right, I don't think I can stand much more of this," Spike cradled his face in his hands, imitating Xander, "I really, really want to do naughty things with men, but I'm not ready to admit I'm a big nancy-boy," Spike said, in his best 'Xander voice'.
"Hey!" Xander shouted, "I'm ready to admit it, I just don't know if I am... *it*, yet." He scowled, "And I do *not* sound like *that*."
"Xander," Spike said thoughtfully, "we're not friends, are we?" he asked.
"Uh, *no*," Xander replied, "but what does that have to do with-,"
Spike cut him off, "Xander," he said, "shut up."
Before Xander could come up with a witty comeback to 'shut up', Spike had jumped up from his chair and onto the bed, pinning Xander beneath him. Xander whimpered, not sure of what was happening. But then Spike's mouth was on his, cool lips pressed against warm ones, and he was too shocked to do anything but enjoy it. Xander felt Spike's cold tongue swiftly dart out, gently seeking to part Xander's lips. Spike tasted like smoke and faintly of chocolate, and as the shock slowly left him, Xander wanted to taste more. He opened his mouth to deepen the kiss, wanting to feel that cool tongue against his own. But then as abruptly as it had begun, the kiss ended, and Spike was half way to the door before Xander found his voice, "Wha...?" he managed.
Spike shrugged, "Now you know," he said simply, and left, closing the door behind him.
<Now I know?> Xander sat up on the bed and stared at the door. <Spike kissed me...> he thought. <Spike *kissed* me>. Xander lay back on the bed and smiled to himself, <Spike kissed me, and I liked it... a lot. So I *am* gay?> he thought.
The door opened abruptly again, and Spike's head reappeared, "Soul or no," he growled, narrowing his eyes, "If you tell *anyone* we kissed, you're a dead man." He glowered at Xander for a moment, and then withdrew, without waiting for a response.
Xander chuckled and climbed into bed. He was still tingling all over from Spike's kiss… In fact, certain parts of him were *particularly* tingly... Xander smiled to himself, "Yup," he said, "definitely gay." But why was *Spike* helping *him*? <Maybe Buffy was right>, Xander thought, <Maybe Spike has changed>. Somehow, though, it didn't seem to matter very much. For whatever reason, Spike had helped, and Xander was... grateful... reluctantly so, but grateful nonetheless. Xander flipped off the light, and after paying attention to some of his tingly parts, he drifted off into the best sleep he'd had in a very long time.