Second ChanceBy Mys
"Baby, you're alright?"
Tara leaned over her girlfriend who barely managed to open her eyes.
"Hey…" Willow tried to smile, but immediately felt her cracked lip burst open again. She winced. "I hadn't thought, that the magical link to Spike would be so… physical."
"I've told you."
"I know but… oh God, the link! I broke the link, as I passed out from the pain."
Tara stroke lightly over the red`s hair, to calm her girlfriend down.
"Buffy knows, where Spike is. She'll find him, and…" but Willow interrupted the startled blond "No, you don't understand." she stood up to look for her cell phone. "I gave Xander a candle. And as I broke the link, the candle must have gone out. He must think…" Willow stopped, shuddered, than started to search the room for her phone.
"You gave Xander a candle?" the blond smiled, but stood up as well and started looking around the room.
"Hmmm"
"So, you finally figured it out, huh?"
Willow stopped dead in her tracks, the dirty shirt she had been lifting still in her hands and looked at Tara.
"What? You knew?"
As Tara just smiled at her, she shook her head.
"Of course you knew you always do."
She crossed the room and gave her a peck on the lips before asking "Help me searching, then?"
"Wouldn't it be easier to just go over to Xander?"
Willow rolled her eyes at her own stupidity but started to make her way towards the door, girlfriend in tow.---
"Riley, what the hell happened in there?"
Buffy glanced at her boyfriend, who shook his head, without answering.
Hell, if he only knew!
He still didn't understand why he had agreed to rescue Hosti - Spike from the Initiative. After all, his job was quite the opposite. He should hunt and catch the baddies not safe them. But what he had seen, as Buffy and he had burst into the cell of the blond vampire was just gross and downright wrong, even he had to admit that. Buffy had managed to hit the one soldier, who had been approaching Spike with a stake, to unconsciousness and the rest of them shortly followed or at least got their asses kicked, before they had gotten away and managed to raise an alarm. Riley had pretty much just waited and watched. He wasn't sure what Spike had tried to do to the guards, but since he still had the chip he wasn't exactly a threat anymore. So there surely had been no need to batter him like this. Still, he hadn't wanted to fight against his own people, that's why he had just made sure, that no one would sneak up on Buffy from behind, while she was fighting. As he had heard the alarm, he had motioned Buffy to pick Ho- Spike up and get the hell out of there before being encircled by an army.
He would have to report the behaviour of the guards to Professor Walsh. That was, if they wouldn't have kicked him out until then. But right now he hadn't the time to think about such things. Right now he was running down the corridor one step behind Buffy, who carried the unconscious vampire in her arms. He still didn't understand why he had agreed to rescue him, but at the moment, he cared more about rescuing himself.---
//I didn't hear you leave//
//I wonder how am I still here//Xander was still sitting under the kitchen sink, starring at the candle.
He didn't know, how long he hadn't moved since… he shuddered… since the candle had gone out.
*What did they do to him? Burn him? Stake him? Behead him?*
He would have cried, but there weren't any tears left he could shed. He felt worn out, empty and tired.
*It doesn't matter, there won't even be anything left of him. No prove that he had ever existed. Just dust. Gone with the wind. And isn't the thought of Spike kissing Vivien Leigh utterly disturbing or what?*
Xander chuckled, and after a while he noticed to his own amazement, that there still were tears left. Because they were once again running hot down his cheeks, as the chuckles eventually turned into choked sobs.//I don't want to move a thing//
//It might change my memory//He closed his eyes. He just wanted to sleep. Rest a bit. Probably never come back, didn't matter. He was so tired. He was tired of seeing the empty chair, that now seemed so useless. Tired of seeing the ashtray standing on the table, although he had never allowed Spike to smoke in here. He smiled at the thought of arguing with Spike about how dangerous second-hand-smoking could be and about the muttered 'as if I cared' coming from the blond, while he crushed his hardly smoked cigarette. No, not cigarette, fag it was.
He shook his head.
*I shouldn't do that. Shouldn't bath in self-pity. Shouldn't regret. He surely wouldn't have… but I will never find out now, will I?*//Oh I am what I am//
//I'll do, what I want//As Xander opened his eyes again, he saw the cell phone Willow had given him ('Just in case you need me') lying in the middle of the room.
*I should call Willow. I should tell her that Sp- that her mojo is useless cause he - cause there's no one who she could reach with it anymore. Or probably she knows. But if she knew, she would have called by now, wouldn't she?*//But I can't hide//
//I won't go//He wanted to get up, but he slumped even deeper as he embraced himself. He didn't want to get up, didn't want to call Willow, didn't want to talk.
//I won't sleep//
//I can't breath//
//Until you're resting here with me//*All these actions would make it real. Would mean that Spike…* this time he manages not to choke at the sobs that followed *…that he was really dead.*
---
//I met you in the world between darkness and light//
As Spike tried to open his eyes he winced. Or, he believed that he had winced. He wasn't exactly aware of what he was doing. And he didn't understand, why his whole body was shaking. Neither did he know, why it was dark around him, although he was sure, he had opened his eyes.
He winced again, as Buffy hectically leaned back to kick the gun of a soldier out of his hands and his head bounced in the rhythm of her leaps, as she continued running. Spike noticed nothing but the pain.
^^Pain's good, right? Pain means, I'm not dead…yet. Or I am, and that's my torture… torture^^
He tried to snicker, but as his lips curved into a small smile, his lip burst open again and a few drops of blood ran down his chin. His tongue automatically darted out and licked the red liquid up.//A vision oh so clear, I trembled with fright//
^^Blood. It feels so warm.^^
He turned his head a bit, trying to smell, where the blood came from. He thought of a warm mug of blood and shivered in anticipation. He needed the pig-blood to heal. And he needed it badly.
^^Not pig's blood. Human… warm human blood, from a freshly killed victim.^^
Spike thought of a dark alley. Of a girl he had chased in there. He smelled the fear in the air, as he approached his victim. Heard her cry in panic. Someone shouted his name, and he turned around, startled, to see the soldier with the stake, lurking behind him. Spike smiled a deadly smile, as he let the girl go, and turned towards the military guy. This would be fun.//I could not believe, all the things going on inside my head//
He knew, his chip wouldn't go off, as he attacked the young man. Spike pinned him to the ground and growled. The stake had fallen down and lay now useless next to a garbage can, as the soldier froze dead in his tracks at the sight of Spike in full game face, snarling at him.
Spike watched the blue eyes of his victim dart around in panic, as the boy realized, that he was going to die. Spike lowered his head and sank his fangs slowly into the warm flesh. He didn't drink enough to kill the boy cause he wanted to see the look on the face of his victim.
As he raised his head, he saw the dazed look in the blue eyes, which were still fixed on his face. But then the light blue started to get darker, turned to a mossy green, and finally brown. Spike tore his gaze away from the boy's eyes and observed as the soldiers face turned into Xander's, who faintly smiled up at him. Spike struggled away from the limp body lying in the dark alley. He felt strong arms grab him closer, as he writhed and tried to pull away.
^^Didn't mean to. Can't do that. *Wouldn't* do that. Would never do that. Would never hurt him. Not him.^^//Yet it was my heart that spoke to me//
He felt his resistance against the arms pulling him close fade, as he repeatedly chanted in his head
^^Wouldn't do that, wouldn't hurt him. Wouldn't do that…^^
He knew he couldn't hurt anyone with the chip. And he knew, he could never hurt Xander. And killing again would mean to hurt Xander so if the chip would eventually break down again, he probably would have to eat without killing his victims. He wasn't some uncontrolled fledge, he could do that.
And somewhere along the line he felt the darkness encircle him again, and he fell into a dreamless sleep.---
// I won't leave, //
// I can't hide //Xander stood up from where he was sitting and stumbled in direction of the table. He walked over the broken dish on the floor and could feel the burning sensation, as it sliced open the bare sole of his foot.
//I can not be//
//Until you're resting here with me//It was the first thing he felt in a long time, and although it hurt it was… something. Something real. As real as the blood, that dripped onto the floor and he watched with a fascination he knew, he should feel sick for, as it slowly grew to a little puddle.
He shook his head violently, and got back to the sink, to grab a cleaning rag and as he fell down on his knees to wipe the spot clean, he wondered if Spike might like to drain the piece of cloth he was holding.
Xander threw the rag into the sink, and walked over to his bed. He kicked against the phone and sent it sliding across the room into the corner of his basement, where it came to a hold with a loud crash.*Yeah, maybe he would like the blood. It's human, after all, isn't it?*
He sat down on the edge of the mattress and checked if the cut was still bleeding, before swinging his legs up as well. He heard cursing from the upper level and sighed.
*Funny, that everything seems, as if nothing happened.*
He leaned against the headboard and closed his eyes. It was dark outside anyway, but even the dim light in the basement seemed too harsh at the moment.
*The world's still spinning, my parents are still fighting and the sun will rise in a few hours as it does every day. Nothing happened. And if I keep really still, I may believe it*//I don't want to call my friend//
//They might wake me from this dream//Xander felt something hard under the pillow he was sitting on and as he grabbed for it, he was astounded to hold a stake in his hands. When had he put it there? When had he stopped thinking of it, as a protection? And when had he stopped thinking, he needed a protection at all?
All the protection he had needed was his very own vampire.//And I can't leave this bed//
//Risk forgetting all that's been//He smiled. He nearly couldn't count the times Spike had saved one of them in a fight. How often he had gotten injured for one of them. They had never really appreciated it. Having a vampire willingly fight for them, that is. And Xander had no doubt that it was willingly. Sure, in the beginning Spike had been forced to come to his hated enemies, cause he was lost, but with the time, they had become something one might even consider friends.
//Oh I am what I am//
//I do, what I want//
//But I can't hide//---
//I can't hide//
"Don't you want to… knock?"
Tara watched, as Willow flinched at her voice. They were in front of Xander's basement door and Willow still stood there, her hand raised in the air to knock, as she hesitated.
"What should we tell him?"
The blonde put a soothing hand on the shoulder of her nervous girlfriend and turned her around, so they faced each other.
"Will, what are you afraid of? It's not like we have any bad news for him."
Willow sighed.
"I know. It's just, you know, he never showed many emotions. I know that Xander's very emotional but he always felt the need to protect us. Me. He wanted to be strong for me. I don't know, how he will take it. And I…" She stopped, looking excusatory at her girlfriend, who nodded, encouragingly.
"You don't know, how you will take it, to see him like this?"
Willow nodded and smiled a faint smile. Tara was amazing. She never said very much, she mostly just listened, but when she said something it was always important and it was always true.
"How long have you been friends now?"
"Since I remember."
"Don't you think, it's about time, that you let him drop his guard?"
Willow frowned. She never thought about it that way. She had always thought, that Xander wanted to be firm as a rock. But maybe Xander didn't want that. Maybe he just did it for her. And maybe it really was about time to show him, that he didn't need to.
Tara saw the thought and emotions replace each other, and just waited, till the redhead looked up, and smiled, than Willow turned around, and knocked on the basement door.---
Xander needed a few minutes, until he noticed, that the knocking came from his door and that it meant, that there was someone, who wanted to see him.
He didn't want to get up. Didn't want to join the world in it's 'going on'. Didn't want to act, as if nothing had happened. Didn't want to get back to everyday life again.
Xander pulled his knees up to his chest and crouched down even more, as he lay his head down in his arm, which were crossed over his legs.//I can't hide//
"Xander, you in there?"
He heard Willows muted voice through the door and immediately tensed.
*She's here. Why is she here?*
Xander lifted his head and stared at the candle, which was still standing on the table.
*There's only one reason for her to be here. She wants to tell me, that Spike's dead*
He winced.
"Xander? It's me, Willow. I need to talk to you."
*Everything, anything, just not…*
"It's important. It's about Spike."
Xander winced again. Than he got up, straightened himself and cleared his throat.
"Be right there."
His voice sounded only a little bit out of order, only a little bit rough. No way, Willow would notice, that he had been crying for the last… few hours.
*But she'll see it!*
He walked over to the sink, grabbed the rag and threw it into the garbage than he made his way to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. His eyes were red from crying, he had dark circles around them and he could still see the stains of the tears on his cheeks. He looked like shit. He turned the cold tap on and put his head under it. The cold water ran over his head, down his face and into his collar, He didn't really care, cause it helped. It didn't make the pain go away, but it helped. As he felt human enough again, he turned the taps off, pulled his shirt over his head, tossed it in a corner and pulled on another, as he made his way towards the door. He breathed deep in and out once and nearly managed, not to hitch, while doing it, than he swung the door open.
"Ladys, how can the Xan-Man help you two lovely…" he stopped, as he looked at Willow.
Willow nearly winced as she heard the happy tone she had so long believed was real, and of which she now knew, that it wasn't.
"Willow, my god, what happened to you?" He reached forward to touch one of the cuts on her face, but stopped, as he saw Willow flinch.
"Can we come in?"
"Sure" Xander opened the door wider and made an inviting gesture "My casa es su casa… or would that be 'sus' now? Anyway, come on in."
Willow went straight to the table and sat down on the chair right next to it. She felt horrible, and she didn't know, how to start. Tara waited near by. She could see, that Willow didn't know, what to do, but she realized, that Willow needed to do this by herself.
*Come on, Will. Say something. Anything.*
Xander's gaze fell on the candle and he couldn't suppress a flinch as Willow lost in her nervousness reached for it and started to play with the wick, twirling it between her fingers.
She looked up, saw his expression, followed his eyes to the candle in her hands and her face turned a few shades redder, before she put it down, stood up and walked towards Xander.
"Wills, this is ridiculous, just say it already. It's not like I can't count one and one together. I may not be the smartest in math, but that I manage. And hey, I mean, now I can use my chair again like I want. And I don't need to explain to my parents, why I have liquids in my fridge, which look suspiciously like blood. Not that they'd really care…."
Xander wanted to keep talking, but he didn't know, what else he could say. He had strictly avoided to say out loud, what they all were thinking, but it seemed, like there was no way around it anymore. Xander felt, like he might start to cry again, and he held on everything, that prevented him from a breakdown in front of his oldest friend.
"Spike isn't dead."
Xander looked from Willow to Tara and back at Willow. Her eyes were serious, but she smiled slightly at him.
Every now and than Xander could make out things like 'broke the magical link', 'no vampire strength', 'passed out', 'needed to tell you', but all he really heard was the voice in his head, that constantly repeated 'Spike isn't dead'.
And then he did cry. Relief washed over him and he couldn't hold back longer. And Willow held him close, and told him, that everything would be fine. As he started to calm down, Tara raised her voice for the first time since she got here. "Maybe we should go to Giles' Place. If Buffy got Spike out of there, she'll surely bring him to Giles."
They all nodded, and got up.
Xander shuddered, but didn't say anything. One breakdown was enough for the day, but he couldn't help thinking it.
*Only if….*---
//Everything I'd want was nothing I could see//
Xander was pacing back and forth. He was slowly going insane. The thought of loosing Spike had been overwhelming, but now, that he had new hope, it was even worse. He didn't think he could bear losing him again.
Giles was watching him from the kitchen, but didn't say anything. Willow and Tara had both tried to calm him down, but knew, that there was nothing they could do. Willow wanted to talk with him about everything, but Tara had lead her away and had told her, that it wasn't what Xander needed right now. Willow had given in and had let Giles take care of her wounds instead. Tara had done her best but Giles was much more experienced with those things. And that way he could train for Spike, who must look much worse. The torture had surely started way before she had created the link to Spike and she wasn't sure how long it had went on afterwards so… she shuddered at the thought of what Spike must have gone through. Or still was going through.
Xander turned around as he came to the sofa and walked back again towards the door.
*Shouldn't she be here by now? It can't take that long. Not if nothing went wrong. My god, something went wrong…*
He was nearly at the point to ask Willow, to cast the spell again, just so he would know for sure, that Spike was still alive, when the door opened.
For a moment, Xander thought, that it had been better, when Spike hadn't been here, but the next instant he was at Buffy´s side and followed every move she made, just to make sure, that she would be as careful as possible, as she lay Spike down on the couch.
They had set up a lot of bandages and other fixing stuff, and after he had seen Willow in the bright light of Giles's apartment he had prepared himself for the worst… but he hadn't expected Spike to look that bad.
As Buffy started to talk about the rescue, Xander shooed Willow to get him some warm water and Giles to heat some blood. Buffy stood in the middle of the room and went on and on about how many soldiers they had to combat and how Spike wouldn't hold still in her arms and that he had caused blood stains on her new shirt and Xander just smiled. He didn't listen, and he didn't care, but he smiled at her. A smile, that actually was for Spike, but since he was still unconscious, he could waste one or two on Buffy.
And to be honest, it was hart to smile at Spike. Xander knew, that the vampire would be over the worst in a few days, and that nothing of what they had done to him would be permanent (beside the memory, that was) but he couldn't help but wince each time he looked at the bruises that covered his face, the knee, that was distorted in a weird angle and the gashes where blood still freely flowed.
Willow brought him the hot water and he started to dip a piece of cloth into it and clean the blonds face as good as possible. He managed to barely touch the swollen eye or the cracked lip and still get most of the blood off the vampires face. Then he moved to his body. He looked around him for something, to cut Spike's shirt off, since there was no way he could pull it over his head, without hurting him. Tara tapped him lightly on the shoulder and held out a pair of scissors in her hands. He smiled at her, but went immediately back to his charge. He cleaned Spikes chest from the blood and was halfway happy to see, that only two ribs seemed to be broken *could have been worse, right?* and that he couldn't find any other obvious injuries.
"Xander?"
"Huh?"
He looked up and saw Giles staring at him, holding a mug in his hands and two blood packages as well. Xander smiled, took the mug and tried to move Spike in a sitting position, so he could infuse him the liquid that would help him heal. He wished, Spike would have a heartbeat or at least breathe a bit, cause at the moment there were no indications, that he was alive. Or not alive, but not dead either. Xander knew, that he wasn't dead, but it was hard not to think the word "corpse" as he looked at Spike,lying totally still, pale as always on the sofa. And Xander knew, that it must hurt to be moved in this condition, but there were no protesting sounds coming from the blond, so he just believed, that it didn't. As he lifted the mug to Spikes lips, he wouldn't open his mouth, and the only result he got was a blood stream running down the blonde's chin and neck. Xander moved for the cloth, cleaned Spike's face again and looked helplessly up at Willow, who had been standing on the other side of the couch all the time. She looked helpless for a moment, before her face lit up and she hurried over to the kitchen. As she came back she had a spoon and a drinking straw in her hand. She gave them both to Xander with a bright smile, and he managed to smile back at her, before turning towards Spike again. He tried to hold up Spike´s head, opening his jaw while balancing the spoon in his hands and the mug on his knees. As he noticed, that it didn't work, he changed tactics, sat on the edge of the couch and laid the blonds head in his lap, than he reached for the mug, put it on the table and started to spoon-feed the vampire.
Buffy exchanged curious looks with Willow and Giles, but Willow only shook her head and Giles was too occupied cleaning his glasses, as that he would have noticed her.
After five or ten minutes Xander felt Spike move a bit on his leg, and fastly exchanged the spoon for the straw. He was utterly pleased as he started to suck by himself and smiled at Willow, like a mother who showed the video of her baby, doing his first steps. Willow reached over and lightly squeezed his arm, before walking around the couch and sitting next to Tara.
They didn't speak much during the whole situation. Xander was too engaged in taking care of Spike, Giles in wiping his glasses and Buffy was just downright stunned. And angry, that no one paid attention to her story of the rescue. Willow and Tara just made sure, that no one disturbed Xander. That's why they both stood up to stop Giles, as he interrupted Xander in his feeding-task.
Giles just smiled at them, and than touched Xander's shoulder, to gain his attention. Xander looked at him, questioningly, as if he would see him for the first time tonight. Then followed the watcher's gaze and saw the torns jeans and the bruised knee under it.
"We should probably…fix this."
Xander gulped, and nodded warily.
"I can do that, but I don't think you'd like to watch."
As Xander understood he got up and backed away a few steps, but couldn't look away. Giles nodded and reached for Spikes leg. He rested his upper arm on the vampire´s thigh and his hands right under the knee… and twisted. The sound of the reducing was unnaturally loud in the silent living room, and Xander winced. As he felt a warm hand slip into his, he glanced down, and than back at Tara, who smiled reassuringly at him. He squeezed her hand and smiled warmly back, thankful for the distraction than he turned back to Spike and Giles, who just backed away while wipping his hands on his trousers.
"Will- Will he be fine?"
"I suppose so. There shouldn't be a problem with his bones growing back together. He just needs enough blood for his body to heal. Someone has to feed him, till he's hale enough to do it himself. And he needs a lot of blood especially tonight and tomorrow. I know, that's much to ask, and just because he used to live with you-" "I'll do it." Xander interrupted him. Giles looked at him, and it seemed, as if he was almost proud of him. Xander blushed, dropped his gaze to the floor and mumbled "S'no biggie. It's the least I can do."
Giles smiled, and as Xander moved to pick the blonde up from the couch he asked "Shall I give you a lift back to your apartment?"
Xander nodded thankfully, lifted Spike up and noticed, that he was lighter, than he had thought. He would have to feed him properly.
Giles grabbed all the remaining blood he had in the fridge, put the packages in a box and headed for the door, Xander shortly behind him. He waved his goodbyes at the girls and the door fell closed.
Buffy turned around and glared at the smiling couple on the couch.
"You two need to explain me a lot of things!"---
If Giles had noticed anything, he hadn't called Xander on it, and the boy made a mental note, to thank him for that later. Right now he had to take care of a vampire who needed as much attention as possible.
He still stood in the middle of the room, the blonde still in his arms, as Giles said goodbye and closed the basement door. Fortunately Xanders parents hadn't noticed that he had come home in the middle of the night. Or they just didn't care. Normally the thought hurt Xander, but at the moment he was just happy about it.
*Where do you put a hurt vampire?*
Xander looked around the room and his gaze came across the chair. He considered the option for a moment, shook his head and walked over to the bed. He gently laid Spike, who was still unconscious, or at least deeply asleep, down on it. Carefully he drew the covers out from beneath the vampire and pulled them up to the vampire's chin, to cover his bare chest. He didn't exactly know, if vampires could feel cold, but he didn't want to risk anything, if it wasn't needed.
He made sure, that Spike was completely covered before making his way towards the box with the blood bags. They had made a short stop on their way home, to buy human blood, cause they both knew, Spike needed it to heal completely. Xander wasn't sure, if the girls would have been okay with it, Buffy surely wouldn't, but he also knew, that Giles wouldn't mention it in front of them, and neither would he.
The bags lay next to the microwave and Xander just needed to heat them now.//And mental pictures, they all came back to me//
Xander smiled over at Spike as he waited for the microwave-beep . He thought about all the times, this action had grossed him out, and if he would think longer about what he was doing, it probably still would, but at the moment all his attention was focused on his charge.
Xander took the blood bags out, as the microwave beeped, grabbed a mug and just in case a spoon and a straw as well. He put everything next to the bed climbed over Spike and sat down next to him with his back leaning on the headboard. He rearranged the limp body, so that the blond's head rested in his lap, as it had in Giles' apartment and started once again, to spoon-feed the blonde, who was still to week, to eat by himself. After a while he sat the mug down on the matress, and used the now free hand, to lightly stroke the peroxide hair.
"Hey Blondie. What do you think about waking up and doing this yourself, huh?"
Another spoon full blood disappeared in the blonds throat.
"You know, I don't mind feeding you, but it isn't exactly something to support your big bad image, right? Not that your reputation would be the most important thing at the moment. Your knee on the other hand…" Xander thought of the sound as Giles had fixed Spike's leg and shuddered.
"Well, it doesn't look really good, and I can't imagine that it feels any better, than it looks. But probably it already started to heal. I hope Giles didn't make it worse. But he probably learned doing such things, during his watcher education, right?"
He looked at Spike, who still didn't give any signs of being awake.
"Does it hurt, when bones grow back together? I mean, if they do it that fast? Cause vampire healing is pretty fast, and if the bones aren't used to it, they are probably a bit stressed."
Xander smiled at Spike. He knew, he was babbling, but he thought, that maybe his voice would wake the blonde up, and it gave him something to concentrate on. The basement was way too silent now after he had gotten used to Spike never shutting up.
He took one of the blonde's curls, and twisted it around his finger, before letting it go. He thought of Spike, going to the grocery to buy hair-dyeing and snickered hushed. Funny, how he could see the blonde doing normal things, like he did himself.
Funny, how he could see them, doing them together…---
Spike struggled, wrapped up in his dream. He could still feel the human's blood on his lips, taste it, on his tongue, and feel its warmth in his belly, spreading into his whole body. He shivered, in bliss, but as he finally noticed, that he didn't remember the blood, but that he really felt it, the happy feeling turned into a clenching in his stomach and he shuddered in panic.
//Fear of being a fool, afraid to begin//
He tried to pull away, but he couldn't move his body, couldn't do anything. He didn't want to drink the blood. He knew, his body needed it. He could feel the cuts, the broken bones, the gashes starting to heal, but he also knew, that drinking human blood, killing again, was equal with losing the boy.
^^Losing him? As if you ever had him… and why am I drinking human blood anyway? And why am I not dead?^^
Spike remembered the moment he had passed out, secure, he was going to die.
^^But obviously I didn't… did I?^^
He could smell the faint hint of a flowery perfume on him, and he remembered Buffy holding him. Carrying him out of there. Saving his un-life.
^^Great, that's exactly, what I need right now. Owe my life to the slayer^^
As he swallowed another gulp of blood, he noticed, for the first time, that he wasn't alone. That someone was holding him. That someone was feeding him. That someone was petting his hair?
^^Huh?^^
Spike could hear the voice, although it seemed like coming from far away. As he finally could identify who it belonged to, and managed to make out the words, he smiled open-mouthed around another spoon of blood. Xander was there. Xander was taking care of him. Xander was…babbling. And it was the damn best thing he had heard in a long time.---
//My sanctuary is open, please come on in//
//Wanna bring you there, don't wanna ever leave that place//
//Wanna bring you back with me//"Come on, fangless. I know, we got all night, but if you don't wake up soon, I'll start to poke you in your ribs. And I don't care, if they are broken. What, you don't believe me? I'd do it…"
//Indescribable, the joy that life can bring//
//Through many blessings and the cause for me to sing//Xander lifted the spoon to Spikes mouth again and sighed.
"Yeah, you're right. I wouldn't do it. But I *could*. And it's not, like there is anything you could do against it. I'm the only protection you have right now. Hey, if I think that through, you depend on me. You know, any other guy would use that shamelessly."
He played with Spike's hair again, and winced, as he still got no reaction from the blond.
"You know, It's nice having someone, to take care of. And you look rather sweet, vulnerable like this."
Xander looked down on the motionless face.
"Come on. You could at least try to insult me for calling you sweet. Or tell me, that I'm the white knight of the slayer and that I wouldn't take advantage of the situation. That I wouldn't do anything wrong, cause I'm one of the do-gooders. That I'd never hurt you… Cause I wouldn't, you know? Hey, I even thought about buying you a bed."
He glanced at the pillow, lying next to the one Spike was using right now and smiled. "That is' if you don't want to share mine."
*God, did I really just say that? He's unconscious, right? He won't remember. Gods, please let him be still unconscious.*---
//A soul unloved writhes in deep despair//
//I still can't fathom why you'd even care//Spike wanted to smile, at the absurd talking of the boy. Wanted to tell him, that he was fine, or, that he would be fine once his bones were all in one piece again. It would take some time, but even his knee would be alright, the watcher had done a good job with that.
And at the same time he wanted to pull away from the caressing hand, that kept stroking his head. Wanted to shut the voice out, that was so full of affection.
^^Why does he do that? Why should Xander want to help me? He could have dumped me at my crypt and let me alone there to heal.^^
He rethought the happenings of the night. Why had Buffy rescued him? Even if Xander had forced her to go, which Spike doubted, that would have been her chance to just let him die.
^^She just could have told the others, that she had come too late and couldn't have done anything. Sure, Red would have been sad, the girl seems to like me somehow. Hey, she made me cookies, after all. And it isn't, like I wouldn't like her as well. The witch's a bit of okay. And the same goes for Glinda.^^//And I tell you, that my love for you is real//
//It's more than a magic word, or something that I feel//He felt Xander's finger curl the hair in his neck.
^^And apparently, the witches aren't the only ones, who care.^^
Spike tried to move into the touch, but it hurt, so he did the next best thing he could. He started to purr.---
Xander nearly jumped, at the sudden noise coming from the blond lying on his legs.
*No, not noise… purring?*
He blinked, twice and considered going to the bathroom and clean his ears, but that would have meant movement, and that would have meant to leave Spike alone, so he decided, to just snicker slightly and remain stroking the blond´s neck.
"I'm not exactly sure, if you do that consciously, but if you do, I hope, you know, that you sound like a big bleached cat."
*And that it's the most adorable thing I've ever seen or heard.*//Wanna bring you there, donn't wanna leave that place//
//Wanna bring you back with me//Xander felt the muscles in Spikes neck tense and looked down to see his whole body stir before the blonde opened his eyes.
Spike's blue eyes were dazed and he blinked to get a clear view on his surroundings. He looked around the room and noticed immediately, that he was in the basement. The way he looked at the kitchen, told him, that he was lying on Xander's bed. The fact, that he was lying on his lap took a bit longer to sink in.
They silently looked at each other, either of them lost in his own thoughts, both insecure, what to say.
*Don't you dare to ever do that again. Don't you ever get caught again. Don't you ever leave me alone.*
^^I thought I'd never see you again. I thought I had lost you. I thought you might not want me back^^
*I need you. I care for you, I really do. I love you, you know?*
^^I want you. You're all I bloody think about. I love you, you know?^^//But I tell you that my love for you is real//
//It's more than a magic word, or something that I feel//Xander smiled at Spike, and said, hushed, insecure if he would manage, to say anything at all: "I missed you." He leaned down, kissed the blond on his forehead and stroked some of the blond curls away from it. Than he leaned back on the headboard and said: "You should try to get some sleep. You need it."
Spike simply smiled back at him, nodded, and closed his eyes. He tried to snuggle closer to Xander, without really moving and Xander protectively put his arms around the blonds chest, without putting weight on his ribs.
Surrounded by the boy's warmth he felt secure.//It's everything I've got, my heart is in your hands//
//And all that really means, I'll never understand//They both knew, that there was a whole lot more they wanted to say. And they knew, that they would be able to say it, eventually. But at the moment they both stopped thinking about it, and lost themselves in the pleasant silent that followed. Xander had said all, that was needed to be said. It was enough. For now.
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