Waking UpBy Mys
^^What the…?^^
Spike woke up, slowly and painfully. Every bone in his body hurt.
^^If I didn't know I died 120 years ago in a dirty alley I would think I'm dying now. Ok, I can't exactly be *dying* but…nevermind.^^
He snuggled deeper into the soft cloth he was lying on and froze when he noticed that the soft surface wasn't a pillow but Xander's lap. He considered the options he had.
Pretending to be still asleep. Getting up and pretending this never happened. Running away screaming. Going back to sleep and melting into the warmth coming from the boys body.
^^Well, it's not like *I* decided to lie here. As far as I know I couldn't even walk yesterday. So it's not my fault that I'm still here. And the sun's up anyway so it would just be normal for me to be still asleep, right?^^
He risked turning his head a bit to look up at Xanders face. He knew that Xander was still sleeping cause his heartbeat was steady but none the less he sighed in relief when he saw the relaxed face of the boy and the way his head was leaning against the headboard. Xander must have fallen asleep while listening to the purring vampire cause one of his hands was still curled in the blond neck hair and the other one was lying over the unmoving chest. Spike turned his head a bit more and snickered while telling himself to memorize the sight he would probably never see again. The boys head was tipped back a bit. That for his mouth was slightly open and a small stain of drool glinted on the left corner of his mouth. It was ridiculous and at the same time the sweetest thing Spike had ever seen. Still, he couldn't stop snickering.
^^Don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh…^^
Spike's cracked ribs had nearly healed over night but as he now tried to prevent himself from bursting into laughing he felt like they would crack again and tears were running down his cheeks but he managed to hold perfectly still and as he calmed down, Xander still hadn't woken up so Spike turned his face back into the fabric of Xanders pants and contently inhaled his scent while waiting for the brunette to wake up.Half an hour later Spike felt the boy's body tense and noticed a small increase in the human's heartbeat. He remained still and waited for him to wake up completely. Waited for Xander to chase him away.
---
When Xander woke up his neck was stiff and he couldn't feel his legs. He thought about last night but he couldn't remember any demon fighting or other slaying they had done, so why was he feeling so beat? As he managed to open his eyes, his gaze dropped onto his lap and then he suddenly remembered everything. And blushed
*No awkwardness now, right? It's not like something happened. Or like someone wants something to happen. And even if someone would want something to happen, nothing will happen cause I don't even know if I want something to happen and neither do I know if Spike wants something to happen and brain would you please shut up now? … Thanks.*
He tried to see Spike's face without moving but the vampire had his face buried in Xanders pants and because of the whole not-breathing Xander couldn't tell if Spike was asleep or not. He noticed that the blond curls were still twisted around his fingers and he remembered that Spike had seemed to relax when he had petted his hair yesterday. After a few silent moments in which Xander tried to calm down and get comfortable under the blond's weight, he started to stroke it again and after a few more moments he was rewarded with the silent purring he had been hoping for.
"I take that you're awake?"
He got a mumbled response, damped by his trousers, and the vibration in his thighs made him snicker. Xander felt the tension leave his body, stroke one of Spikes curls behind his ear and slipped out from underneath him in order to heat some blood for the vampire in his bed and grab something to eat for himself.
Spike turned around in the bed, trying to keep as much heat as possible. The cover tangled around his body, half covering him, half being covered by him and he buried his head into the pillow Xander had put behind his back to soften the spot where he had been leaning against the headboard.
"I hope you know that you have to get up some time so I can get more blood into you, right? I take the angle you twisted yourself into as a sign that you don't hurt anymore but you still need to heal completely."
Xander took a blood bag out of the box and looked into it. There were about 10 packages left and he could afford to go and buy more if it was needed, so he took one more, emptied both into a clean mug and put it into the microwave. As he looked back at the body in his bed, he smiled.
"Or it could be that your bones healed all wrong and that's why you're lying like that."
On second thought, Xander hoped, that he wasn't right with that assumption.
*Spike surely would have said something, right?*
He shook his head and turned back to the microwave.
*Giles knows what he does when he starts to play with broken bones. Spike will be fine. And it's not like he's the king of modesty so he surely would have said something if he wasn't alright.*
The beeping of the microwave pulled him out of his dreams and he opened the bags, poured the contents into a big mug and went back to the bed where Spike was still wrapped up in the blankets.
*And isn't he just cute?*
Xander sat down on the edge of the bed and started to pull the blanket away from Spikes head.
"Come on Blondie. Breakfast is ready."
Spike lifted his head, muttered something, and finally looked at Xander. And Xander looked back. And they both didn't know what to say next.//Electricity//
//Eye to Eye//Spikes hair was unruly and ruffled from his fight with the covers. Some curls hung down in front of his eyes, some stood up in all possible directions. He looked like someone had just tousled his hair and that was exactly what Xander wanted to do in that moment. He was glad that he was still holding the mug.
*Right, mug…*
He looked down and back up again, without saying anything, without passing the mug over to Spike.
Spike's eyes sparkled and Xander imagined how they would look reflecting the sun. Of course that would never happen but he could still imagine it.Spike searched Xanders face for… he didn't exactly know what he was looking for but the way Xander looked at him made him want to cover himself, turn away, blush, if he had been able to. He, who normally lived on display and enjoyed it like nothing else, felt naked under those dark brown eyes which seemed to be able to look right through him. But, still, he wasn't able to turn away or break the eye contact. Xander had combed his hair back with his fingers and it was a bit messy which made him look younger than he was. His chin was a bit stubbly and Spike guessed that he was the
reason that Xander hadn't shaved yesterday. He tightened his grip on the blankets to prevent himself from stroking Xanders cheek to feel those stubbles.//Hey don't I know you//
//I can't speak//* Brain? I didn't mean you should shut up forever…Snap back to reality, now! Please?*
Xander coughed and then smiled at Spike.
"Morning."
*How intelligent…*
He realised that he was still holding the mug and shoved it over to Spike, nearly spilling it's contents while he did so. Spike still didn't say anything as he took the mug and lifted it to his mouth. His blue eyes were locked with Xander's brown ones and he only closed them for a second as the taste of human blood hit his tongue.//Striped my senses//
//On the spot//^^A wonder I can still taste. It seems like my ability to speak got lost a long time ago.^^
Spike thankfully smiled at Xander and took another deep gulp from the mug.
His bones were already healed but it was a nice bonus of being beaten.
^^Like the extra chocolate you would give a child after a flu… well, maybe it isn't so bad that I didn't say *that* out loud.^^//I've never been defenceless//
"So… you can drink by yourself again, huh?"
Xander blushed as he saw the hint of humiliation flicker over Spike's face and the blond broke their eye contact for the first time and looked down at his hands again.
*Great! Just add insult to injury. Well done.*
Xander fidgeted for a moment before he cupped Spikes chin and forced him to look up.
"I'm sorry."//I can't even make sense of this//
Spike looked up for a moment, but immediately concentrated on the mug in his hands again.
Xander let his chin go and sighed.
"Look, you were hurt. I helped you. That's all. No damage done... well, a lot of damage done, but you're alright now, right?" Spike nodded. "See? And I just didn't know what to say and that slipped out and... I didn't mean it." Spike nodded again, emptied the mug and sat it down on the bedside table.//You speak and I don't hear a word//
^^Yeah, I was hurt and you just helped. I shouldn't need help! I wouldn't need help if those morons hadn't planted this chip in my brain. Normally I would have killed those military guys one by one as painful as possible and…^^
Spike looked up and saw that Xander was staring at him.
"Huh?"
"Are you alright?"
^^I'm bloody well *not* alright! They took my bite, they took my defence, they forced me to live in this basement… with Xander, who took care of me, who let me sleep on his thigh although it was surely numb after half an hour, who bought me blood. Human even.^^//The room is spinning//
//Out of control//"Sure." And this time Spike returned Xander's smile.
"You still hungry?"
"Wouldn't say no to a refill"
Spike grabbed the mug from the table and followed Xander who was already next to the microwave again. As he opened the lid of the box Spike saw that there were about ten blood bags left.
^^Why would Xander purchase so much blood and where did he get the money for it? They fired him three days ago and as far as I know he hasn't found anything new up to now…^^
"When did you buy all the blood?"
"Huh?" Xander looked at Spike and then followed his gaze down to the box. "Oh, Giles and I bought it yesterday, before we brought you here."
Spike nodded but still wasn't satisfied.
"Why so much?"
Xander once again looked puzzled at the blond but answered: "Well, we didn't know how much you would need to heal. It's not like you've ever been injured that serious. Giles said that half of it would be enough but I wanted to make sure that you'd heal properly." He smiled shyly before turning back to the microwave to set the time and start it.//Act like you didn't notice//
Spike ignored the warm feeling that bubbled up in his stomach cause he still didn't like the thought that Xander spend his money for unneeded human blood.
"Did Giles pay for it?"
"Yeah, he wanted to pay for it." Spike sighed in relief but Xander added "But he hadn't enough money with him, so…"
"I'll pay you back."
Xander turned around and looked at Spike who seemed serious, so he just nodded and took the heated blood out.
"Mug?"
Spike gave him the mug back and Xander refilled it with new blood.//Brushed my hand//
As Spike reached for it again he touched Xanders finger with his fingertips and lingered for a moment there before pulling back and mumbling a hushed 'thanks'.
//What would happen if we kissed?//
Xander blushed, his eyes followed Spike's finger as the blond lifted the mug to his lips. He took in how reddish they were and asked himself if they were paler when Spike wouldn't eat before. He followed the outline and thought about how soft those lips would feel on his own. He wondered if the touch really had been accidentally and how he would be able to repeat it, without seeming silly. When he noticed that Spike was staring at him, he mumbled something about 'nature calls' and stumbled towards the bathroom.
---
//Forbidden fruit//
^^Idiot, idiot, idiot…^^
It took all of Spike's resistance not to bang his head against the wall. He sighed and looked at the closed bathroom door. After he had emptied the mug he put it on top of the microwave and walked back to the bed. He wanted to bury himself under the covers once again, drifting off to sleep surrounded by Xander's scent but changed his mind and took the chair instead.
^^He ran away after you just touched him. No way he would want you in his bed… again.^^
He looked around in the basement but not seeing anything he could use as a sun-protection he slumped down deeper in his chair.
^^I would go, if I could. Don't want to bother him any further. But there's nothing I could use to protect myself from the sun. And I can't even say I'm really sad about it…^^---
//Ring on my finger//
*Idiot, idiot, idiot…*
Xander was sitting on the rim of the bathtub and hit his palm against his forehead, repeatedly.
*I just had to stare at him, like he's a piece of cake. Or a tablet of chocolate. Or a hot fudge su…*
Xander snickered as his belly started to growl.
*Food metaphors before breakfast - bad idea!*
He looked towards the bathroom door he had slammed shut in panic.
*Yeah, I like him. I think I've established that, but… what was I thinking anyway? There's Buffy who would kill me. Or probably him. And then there's Willow who would… well, probably say nothing cause she's not exactly innocent in the 'dating one of the home team-departure', but she would yell at me for not telling her. And Giles? God, I wouldn't want to be his glasses when he finds out.*
Despite all, Xander snickered at the thought of them all in Giles' apartment, Willow babbling, Buffy trying to find out if he was possessed or drugged, Giles rubbing his glasses and Anya standing there, making a stupid comment about orgasms with both sexes.
Yeah, Anya…
*It's not like I don't like her. I do. She's all soft and curve-y in the right places and her skin's soft and smells like peaches and roses… it's not my fault that I prefer leather and menthol all of a sudden, is it?*---
//You're such a moral moral man//
^^I mean, it's not like I wouldn't understand him. Of course he doesn't want me. He has all his nice little friends. And his nice little girlfriend. And everything fits perfectly into his nice little world. No space for fangless.^^
Spike snorted, stood up and started to pace in the small basement.
^^And even if he wanted me, which he doesn't, mind you, there would still be all those problems.^^//Would you throw it away?//
The Slayer, first of all. Corny little bitch thinks still black and white. We all saw how he reacted to the witches' relationship, and neither of them is dead or evil. Well, Red is pretty scary when she's all mojo-y, but she's still Red.^^
A warm smile spread over the vampires face as he thought of Willow.
^^Red's alright. And it's not like she can say anything against me wanting the boy. As far as I know she had a crush on him for years. Before she decided to play in her own fields, that is. Seems like the boy can turn everyone gay, huh?^^
Spike snickered and relaxed a bit. He remained pacing but wasn't that tense anymore.
^^And the Watcher? He's like a father for the boy. Yeah, well, he helped bringing me here, and he fed me when he stayed at his house but there's no way he will stand by and watch while his almost-son dates a creature of the night…^^
He stopped dead in his tracks and frowned
^^And why am I talking about dating him, anyway??^^---
//No question//
*It's my life, isn't it? It's not like they could instruct me whom to date and whom not to, right?*
He started to play with the wash-cloth that was lying on the rim next to him and sighed.
*No need to think about it if there isn't any need, right? And no way to find out if there is any need without leaving the bathroom, right?*
Xander stared down at the bathroom floor and snickered.
"Feet, that would have been your sign to go and walk towards the door."
He sighed and peered at the door again.
*Yeah, I don't want to, either. But it doesn't help now, does it?*
And with that he got up.---
//Will I pretend I'm innocent?//
^^And it's not like I could resent them for not liking me. I mean they have reasons, after all.^^
Spike walked back to the bed and sat down on the edge of it cause it didn't seem like Xander planned on coming out of the bathroom any time soon.
^^I *am* a vampire and I like who I am, mind you. But just because of that little anatomy problem with my non beating heart… and my not rising chest… and my not active blood circulation, ok, maybe not *so* little anatomy problem, but still, just because I'm a demon doesn't mean I can't change. Doesn't mean I can't care. Means in no way that I can't love. Cause I do. Even if he doesn't. And even if he doesn't want me I'll take care of him.
Make sure he doesn't get killed on patrol or something. And if being with him means no more killing, even if I could, I could do that.^^
Spike smiled to himself before drifting into a depression once again.
^^But I can't deny my past or what I am. And I wouldn't want to, either. I don't feel sorry for what I've done. I'm sorry if it hurts Xander cause I love him and I understand that the slayer will come after me as soon as my chip's out cause that's her job. But I'm not sorry for the things I've done. It's my nature, not more, not less.^^Spike startled as the bathroom door opened and quickly jumped off the bed.
"Hey."
"Hey yourself."
Xander looked at the crumpled bed sheets and the spot Spike was standing in and he looked even more contrite than he had anyway.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I just thought that I should come out again and..." He trailed off, unsure of what to say.
"You didn't wake me, I was just… thinking."
"About what?"
^^Don't tell him. Don't tell him. Don't…^^
"You?"
^^Great way to fulfil a plan… moron!^^
"Me?"
"And - and Red, and the watcher and the slayer and her idiot of a boyfriend-excuse and the happenings from last night and…" his gaze dropped to the floor and he went silent.
^^And the way you held me in your arms and petted my hair…^^
"I'm sorry."
Spike frowned and looked up again as Xander made a few tentative steps towards him.
"For what?"
"For what happened last night."
^^Hadn't I known it? Sure, he wanted to be nice and everything. Felt that he had to since I was hurt… and don't I hate to say this sentence?^^
"No biggie."
"Yes, it is."
Xander overcame the last few steps between them and sat down on the bed, far enough to not get distracted by the blond vampire but close enough to know that he was there, without looking up.
"Look, I know, this will sound stupid but what happened last night is different from what we do every night."
^^Huh? Since when do we do something? Every night? Together?^^
Spike's face was a mask of complete lack of understanding and Xander smiled at the sight.
It didn't happen often that Spike showed that he had no clue about what was going on.
"Buffy's the slayer and she has to kill demon's. It's her duty. She didn't choose it, it chose her and she's the only one. Well, beside Faith that is, but, she doesn't really count cause she's in jail, right?"
He smiled at Spike who was still staring at him.
"And Buffy goes out, and fights, and risks her life and she kills. She kills demons and she kills your lot but she gives them a chance. They can fight back and maybe some day one of them will have a good day and she'll die. But it's a fair fight."//I struggle with myself again//
Xander started to twiddle his thumbs and was fascinated by the sight for a moment before he continued "And Willow and me? Well, we don't have a duty-call but we just like to stay alive. So we go out and do what we can. And even I killed my fair share of demons and vampires. Well, mostly vampires. And mostly fledges, but they still had a chance. And even if I like it or not they were still stronger than I was."
He looked back up at Spike who slowly started to understand what Xander wanted to say but he wanted to hear it from the boy so he could be really sure.
"But what those guys from the military did to you was just wrong. Don't take me wrong, I'm glad that you're not chewing on my neck right now…"
*Not in the biting way, at least… wouldn't mind the nibbling and licking…*
Xander blushed and looked down at his hands again.//Quickly the walls come crumbling//
"But they took you the ability to defend yourself and left you helpless and depending on your former food."
As much as Spike wanted to protest against the 'helpless', Xander was right.
"And yesterday they took their aggression and their frustration towards you out on you. And if I could, I would go and kill them each one by one and would feed them to you, afterwards. But I can't. And neither can you cause they are human. Perverts and not worth being considered as such but still human. And although Buffy has no problem with the hurting-the-human part she can't kill them either. For another reason, though but also because they are human. And I don't know if there is any possibility cause I guess you already tried everything. But if there is anything I can do, to get this chip out, or to destroy it, tell me, and I'll do it."
Xander looked up again, needed to see Spikes face, his reaction. Spike was shocked into silence which didn't happen often but he was smiling.//Don't know if I can turn away//
Xander smiled shyly back, insecure of what to do next.
//What would happen if we kissed?//
He looked down at his lap again as Spike took one of his hands, and then back at Spike again, frowning.
"Thank you. I know that there is nothing I can do, believe me, I would have done it already if there was something but I also know that you mean it and it means a lot to me. More than you'd believe."//Would your tongue slip past my lips?//
Spike knew that he should let go of Xander's hand again. He had wanted to get the boy to look at him while he was saying what he had said. And now he had said it, so there was no need to hold his hand any longer, right? He didn't want to scare him away again,but neither did he want to let go of his hand.
//Would you run away?//
//Would you stay?//Xander looked down onto their entwined fingers and back up at Spike. He could feel the goofy smile spread on his face and he knew he was grinning like a loony but he couldn't bring himself to care.
//Or would I melt into you?//
//Mouth to mouth//^^Just do it already!^^
Spike shifted a bit on the bed and leaned towards Xander, alternately looking at his eyes and his lips and searched for any sign of refusal. The brown of Xanders eyes seemed even darker in the shadows of the basement and the spark of the bedside lamp they reflected gave them a fiery glint but there was nothing but desire.//Lust to lust//
//Spontaneously combust//Xander felt his heartbeat increase and wondered for almost half a second if this was the reason for the desire in the vampire's blue eyes before his lips touched Spikes. Light, almost chaste like the touch of butterfly wings.
*Which was stupid cause I have never felt a butterfly on my lips and why am I thinking while I'm kissing Spike? I am *kissing* Spike! *I* am kissing Spike! I am kissing *Spike*! Doesn't matter how I turn it, it almost sounds as good as it feels.*
As Spike leaned back Xander licked his lips, trying to savour the taste, before he opened his eyes and smiled at him, with a goofy smile that was almost as increased as his heartbeat and Spikes smile matched it perfectly.
Xander cleared his throat.
"So…"
His eyes darted around the basement before coming back to Spike.
"Can we do that again?"
Spike grinned an actual grin before he leered at him.
"Lots and lots where that came from."
And he captured Xander's lips in another kiss which turned into a not so chaste one after a while, but neither of them really cared.//If we kissed//
Continue
//if we kissed//