Desire

By Mys

//Blue eyes on fire, gushing hate inside//

Xander doesn't know what hits him as he feels the pain spread through his body.

Every muscle seems to burn, every nerve seems to be concentrated on one spot. On one action.

The sucking on his neck.

He tears his eyes open and stares into blue ones.

//Blue sky you're higher everytime I try to climb//

No, not blue, yellow now. Bright, yellow and ecstatic.

One moment they are closed in bliss, the next they are open, staring and pinning Xander to the bed even when the cold hands stop pressing his shoulders down to ghost over his trembling body.

//With cold hands you stripped me//

One hand is streaking over heated flesh, a whispered touch along firm abs, back up over one side across his chest. A brief encounter with a stiff nipple and Xander finds it hard not to moan even though every fiber of his body seems to want just that.

//And left me screaming on the floor//

A slurp and Spike is looking at him, still game-faced, lips parted, blood dripping from one fang.

And the pressure is gone and the sucking is gone and the feeling is gone. Xander's head spins. He's dizzy and he wants nothing more than to have Spike back at his neck, continuing with what he has been doing, finishing what he has started.

And yellow eyes sparkle, understand brown ones but nonetheless turn back to blue.

And there is a whimper within the ragged breathing coming from the brunette.

And a hand is lifted, shaky and slowly and before Xander really knows where he wants to place it, Spike has already got up and stands out of reach, looking down at him, so he lets it drop again.

//Sail on to enchanted world//

Xander's dazed and he wants the feeling to end, start, continue, stop and he tries to roll off the bed, following or getting away, it doesn't matter, but his body feels so numb and for the first time a voice breaks the silence of the basement and Xander feels himself jump at the sudden loudness although he isn't able to move a bone.

"You're not going anywhere anytime soon, pet. I'll make sure of that so don't even try. You won't like the result."

He clarifies his words with a snarl, just for good measure, and Xander continues lying very still. Beside the fact that Spike is right he couldn't move even if he wanted to. Loss of blood can do that to you.

//I'm lying dead behind//

Spike paces up and down and around a chair and back and up and down and Xander starts to feel dizzy again as if he is floating and if he was to close his eyes for a bit maybe the world would stop doing that crazy thing were it spins so much. Maybe Spike would stop pacing. Maybe they could deal with all this tomorrow.

Maybe he would live till then.

Doesn't matter now.

But as soon as his eyes threaten to drift shut he has a vampire in his personal space. Partly game-faced, equipped with teeth and a growl but no ridges. Xander hasn't known that Spike can do that. He is willing to find it all out though, isn't he?

//Blue ocean of grief//

"You lot think you can treat me like a pet, don't you?"

Is he supposed to agree or deny? Doesn't matter, can't move, can't speak.

And the vampire is pacing again, speaking to himself but for the entire world to hear. Doesn't matter, can't move, can't speak, have to listen though.

//Take me to your kingdom//

"And now you're trying to get your rocks off by treating me like dirt or what?"

A flesh of teeth but weak and not as dangerous as it's supposed to be.

Vampires can be hurt. Can vampires cry?

"And when you get tired of me you'll ask Buffy to stake me or what?"

Weak shake of a head, brown curls dropping into view. Too limp to brush them away so they stay.

"No?" Long look, blue eyes, right to the core.

Xander flinches and looks down.

"See?" Nothing of the force and the threat is left, both have been replaced by pain and exhaustion.

"It doesn't matter what I do, I'll never be enough for you and your lot."

//I'll never reach the skies//
//So let me drown in your sorrows//

A devilish grin, oh, look, nasty-pointy-snappy-one is back .

"But neither will you, right?"

Spike approaches the bed, predator on the surface now, including the rolling of shoulders and circling of hips.

"You like to play with fire, don't you?"

Tense muscles, prepared to bounce every second.

"You like to put yourself in danger, don't you? Why else would you invite a vampire into your house. Into your bed. And why would you throw yourself into battles you know you can't win?"

Every sense concentrates on the limp body on the bed.

"You hate it to be weak. To be pitied by your friends. To be vulnerable."

Bittersweet voice, ruthless words, a sharp growl.

"You wonder why the chip isn't going off?"

Faint nod, not really interested but the Scooby still comes through.

*Because you want it. Because you always wanted it."

No question anymore, a statement. Nothing to hide so Xander closes his eyes and turns his head away but Spike isn't having any of that.
Xander's chin is forced back towards the vampire - in full game face this time - and all he does is stare. He can't turn away anymore. And he knows that Spike knows. Those yellow eyes burn right through him and Spike can see everything.

"Tell me you want it."

//When I break your surface//
//I'll never fall again. I'm blue//

And Xander finds himself nodding.

Yellow turns back to blue.

"Tell me you want me to turn you. To suck you dry. To kill you. And to bring you back to be like me."

//Blue eyes on fire, gushing hate inside//

Xander hopes he's still nodding cause he can't really tell and hopefully nodding is enough for Spike cause there is no way he's going to speak.

But Spike isn't doing anything, he's just standing there next to the bed, waiting.

If Xander concentrates really hard he can probably reach Spike and tuck him down. So he does but before he feels Spike's cool skin under his fingers, Spike takes a step back and Xander lets his hand sink again.

//Blue sky you're higher every time I try to climb//

And Xander knows he isn't good enough. Not even good enough for a demon. Doesn't deserve to be like Spike.

Doesn't deserve to become strong.

//I reached out in vain//

And he closes his eyes cause he doesn't want Spike to see the tears. Doesn't want Spike to think he's weak… weak*er* than Spike knows he is, anyway.
Xander's startled as he feels the cool hand on his cheek and he just has to look, has to see, so he opens his eyes again.

//Your touch was cold as death//

Spike is standing over him, moonlight reflects from his pale skin and he looks as if he's been curved out of marble, illuminated by spotlights. He's beautiful and Xander can feel his chest contract.

//I can never reach you//

And Spike smiles at him.

"Tell me. Tell me you want it."

That's everything Xander has to do to be as perfect as the vampire in front of him. He could be strong like him, elegant, agile, limber… and all he has to do is ask.

It's so easy.

"Please." His voice is rough and nearly soundless so he tries again. "Please, Spike."

And Spike still smiles but this time his fangs are showing.

//Blue ocean of grief//
//Take me to your kingdom//

And Xander panics cause Spike still isn't doing anything and he feels his pulse slow down even more.

//I'll never reach the skies//

"Do it, Spike."

He tries not to sound pleading but there isn't much he can do about it.

//So let me drown in your sorrows//

"Bite me, Spike."

And Spike is on his knees, hovering over Xander and smiling and he kisses the bloodless lips who are almost as cold as his own as Xander whispers "Do it, Spike. Turn me."

And yellow eyes flash a last time as he feels the skin part under his fangs before closing in bliss as the sweet coppery liquid hits his tongue.

//When I break your surface//
//I'll never fall again. I'm blue….//

Spike woke up with a muffled scream, his forehead pressed against Xander's cheek, his face damp with tears and his mouth close to the boy's neck.
Spike scrambled away from the warm embrace, away from the bed and the delicate neck. His eyes were wide in panic and he chanted hushed 'wouldn't do that. I - he - wouldn't do that. Wouldn't want that. Would never do that.'

He pressed his back flat against the far wall, eyes still fixed on the body on the bed as he struggled into his jeans.

He could hear the steady heartbeat coming from the bed.

It was the only thing that prevented him from trying to shake the youth awake to see that he was alive.

He wasn't sure what would have happened if he hadn't woken up. Maybe the chip would have gone off, but maybe… Spike shuddered and closed his eyes. He didn't want to think about what could have happened.

He was a danger to Xander. There was only one thing he could do.

Spike took his coat and with a last glance back at the sleeping figure under the sheets he opened the basement door and left.

//I'll never fall again//
//I'm blue…//

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