Perfect World

By CousinJean

Part Nine: Crux

Buffy didn't go far. She was wigged, not brain damaged. The cemetery at night was a fine place for the Slayer to be, but she had to remember that she no longer was the Slayer. This place was full of things that she couldn't even defend against, let alone defeat.

Like the 'thing' back in the crypt? Sure looks like you defeated that. Buffy shuddered. He had been so broken. Not only now, in this place, but there. After ... everything. And in his world, she had been the one to break him.

Part of her was glad.

The rest of her felt sick. That was the better world? One that had turned her into the sort of person who could use somebody that way? Somebody who loved her?

And boy, did he love her. She couldn't deny that. She'd felt it. It was part of her now. She'd also felt the confusion and frustration that went along with it.

A wave of nausea hit her. Buffy sank to her knees, and crawled over to rest against a headstone. Spike loved her. Spike had gotten a soul. For her. Spike! The same Spike who... but no, not the same Spike. That was the whole point. Different Spike, different world. Different Buffy. Emotionally numb Buffy, who'd done the whole self-sacrificey hero thing and then got torn out of Heaven. Brought back by her friends ... her friends who were still alive and still loved her. She'd told Spike she lived in hell. Buffy wished she could reach through the dimensional barrier and smack her other self upside the head. That Buffy had never known true hell.

She wasn't sure she wanted to be that girl. She wasn't even sure she wanted that life. But it was sure as hell better than the one she'd been living for the last few years. Even if the best thing about that other life was her worst enemy.

She could hardly wrap her brain around it. Giving up, she leaned back and gazed in wonder at the newly emerging stars. It had been so long since she'd seen the sky. She kneaded her palms against the ground, feeling the texture of the overgrown grass and dirt as she inhaled fresh California air, relishing the faint scent of saltwater that mingled with the night breeze. So different from the harsh, white antisepticness of the Initiative.

Antiseptic. Buffy laughed at that. No better word to describe it, though there was nothing clean about that place.

Footsteps approached, and she drew further into the shadows. Giles called her name. She held still, tried to quiet her breathing so he wouldn't detect her. As glad as she was to see him again, she didn't want to deal right now. Didn't want to talk. She just wanted to be. But he called her again, and this time she registered the fear in his voice. With a sigh, Buffy peered at him from behind the headstone. "Over here."

Without a word, he sat down beside her. Buffy drew her knees to her chest, and for a while, they sat together in silence. Finally she asked, "How is he?"

"Spike?"

Buffy nodded.

"He, uh ... he's rather a mess, actually. When I left he was curled up into a sniveling ball on the floor. Dare I ask what he saw that made him react so?"
"You don't want to know."

"I do," said Giles, "but I won't press."

Buffy said nothing, engrossing herself instead in the patterns of ivy covering the headstone in front of her. Giles made a little impatient cough, then asked, "What did you see? Was he telling the truth?"

"Yes."

"And in this other world, there is no Adam?"

"There was," said Buffy, "but we beat him. Me, you, Xander and Willow ... Riley. It took all of us working together."

"Spike didn't help, then."

Buffy frowned. "Not exactly. But there was a whole 'nother apocalypse after that, he helped with that one."

"And we all survived that one as well?"

Buffy nodded. "You all did. I didn't." At the sharp intake of air from Giles, she looked at him. "But I came back," she assured him. "Willow and Xander brought me back to life." A bitter laugh escaped her. "And I resented the hell out of them for it."

Giles's brow wrinkled up. "You got all of this from your link with Spike? How does he --"

"I told him." She started to pick the grass at her feet. "I confided in him. After I came back, he was the only one I could really talk to, who understood. And then I ..." She shook her head. "Giles, I'm not sure I like the person I became in that universe."

Giles took off his glasses and considered something. "Well, I'm not certain whether this vouches well for her character, but Spike certainly seems to hold that Buffy in high esteem."

"He loves her," she said softly.

"Hmm." Giles nibbled on the earpiece of his glasses. "That's not surprising, really. Once he acquired his soul, it makes sense that he would develop feelings for you."

Buffy shook her head. "No, it was before that. He got the soul on purpose. Because he loved me."

Giles gaped at her. "You're certain?"

"Giles, I felt it. God, I can still feel it."

"Well. That's ... that's certainly without precedent."

"No kidding."

Giles remained lost in thought for a while; then he blinked and put his glasses back on. "I must say, Buffy, a world in which a vampire is capable of such a thing has got to be better than this one."

Buffy sniffed, and wiped her nose. "I guess." She leaned her head against the weathered granite behind her as images from the spell replayed in her mind. "I have a sister there."

"Yes, Spike mentioned that. He became quite distressed when he discovered he'd undone her existence."

"He loved her too." Buffy groaned and shook her head. "God, this is all just too much."

"It's a big decision, whether to help him. As Spike already pointed out, there's no need to rush into it."

"He deserves to go home." She straightened up and turned to face Giles. "What's it like here? On the outside, I mean. Tell me the truth."

"It's ... life is not pleasant here, Buffy. Those of us in the Resistance are constantly on the run, always in hiding. Most of us have lost loved ones to Adam's new Initiative, or to the vampires. Some people have chosen not to fight. I suppose they have some semblance of normal life ... during the day, at least. But the vampires rule this town, and those people are easy pickings, to put it mildly."

"What about Adam? I know how to kill him, but I'd have to get close to him, disable him somehow."

"I don't see how that's possible," said Giles. "Even if you were to somehow succeed, his army is vast and widespread. I'm not certain of the extent of his control, but it reaches far beyond Sunnydale."

Buffy sighed. "So. Putting things back the way they should be? Really not much of a choice, is it?" She got to her feet and held out her hand to Giles. "We should go get started on that."

Giles let her pull him up. For a moment, he stood there and looked at her, his expression unreadable. Then he put a hand on her shoulder and smiled. "Have I mentioned how terribly proud I am of you?"

Buffy nearly crumpled. After two years of being treated like dirt by everyone around her, all of this love was a little tough to take. She somehow maintained her composure, and gave Giles a watery smile before leading him back to the crypt.

Candles had been lit and placed around the crypt. Their light was helped by the sodium glow of a streetlight coming through the window. The others all appeared relieved to see her and Giles return, despite Gunn and Lauren having almost jumped them when they came through the door. Tara looked up from clearing away the remnants of the spell and smiled uncertainly at Buffy before glancing over at Spike.

He seemed to have recovered somewhat. He'd returned to his place on the window seat, sitting cross-legged and hunched over with his head propped against his fist. He held an unlit cigarette in his other hand, gazing at it wistfully as he stroked the filter with his thumb.

"Giles," Buffy said, her eyes on Spike, "you have that summoning spell?"

"I have part of a summoning spell, yes. Tara, perhaps you could help me?"

"I can try." Tara got up and followed Giles over to the supplies.

Buffy approached Spike. "You gonna smoke that?"

Startled, he jerked his head up to look at her. Buffy felt a disconcerting pang of sympathy when she saw his face. His eyes were red and puffy, and his expression ... expressions was more like it. Surprise, guilt, love, hope, fear -- all of those things and more showed up on his face in the space of a second. Then he looked away, and tucked the cigarette in his breast pocket. "Not this one," he said. He produced a pack from a different pocket, avoiding her eyes as he pulled out another and lit it.

"Sp--" she began, but couldn't say it. It didn't feel right to call him by that name. "William," she finally settled on. He met her eyes then, his face showing only surprise.

Buffy swallowed, but held his gaze. "Tell me about Dawn."

***

Spike stared, his brain refusing to move past the fact that she'd just called him by his given name. Probably shouldn't read too much into that, should he? God, how could she even stand the sight of him? Looked like she was waiting for something from him.

Oh, right. Dawn.

"Um." His voice shook. He cleared his throat. "Well, see, there was this ancient entity called the Key --"

"I got that part," said Buffy. She took a seat at the other end of the alcove. "What's she like?"

Spike couldn't help but smile a little. "Hell of a lot like you, actually. Makes sense, seeing as how she's made out of you." He swung his legs down and leaned forward, elbows on knees. "She's stubborn like you. Brave, too. 'Course, she's a lot more spoiled than you ever were."

At this, Buffy managed a laugh -- barely perceptible, but he heard it. "You might be surprised."

"I sincerely doubt that, Love." He stiffened, remembering how much she hated that; but she didn't react. Spike went on. "Anyway, that's not a criticism or anything. I mean, she went through a hell of a rough patch, losing your mum, then you ..." He swallowed, and looked down at his cigarette. "I coddled her as much as anybody. Just wanted to make her feel better, y'know?"

He chanced another glance her way. She didn't meet his eyes, but she nodded. "I do."

Spike took a quick drag, then flicked off the ashes and watched them float to the ground. "Dawn's a sweet kid," he said. "I hope I get to see her again."

Buffy's gaze drifted to the front of the crypt, where Tara and Giles assembled the spell accoutrements. "They're working on it." Buffy frowned. "Dawn ... and Tara. They were close."

"Yeh." Spike scratched his forehead. "Tara stepped up last summer, really took care of the Bit."

Her frown deepened. "She ... We have to tell her."

Puzzled, Spike looked at Buffy. "Tell her ..." Then he realized. "No. We don't."

She faced him then, anger reasserting itself in the set of her shoulders, the line of her mouth.

"Yes we do."

"What good will that do?"

"It ..." Buffy's shoulders drooped a little, and she shook her head. "She has a right to know."

"Oh, sure. Let's go tell her, then. 'Hey, thanks for helping to put the universe back right. By the way, in the other one? You died.'"

"Exactly!" Buffy's voice began to rise. "It should be her choice!"

"There is no choice, you know that." Spike shook his head. "She's better off not knowing."

"We don't get to make that decision."

"But we're the only ones who can!" He closed his eyes and sighed. Yelling at this Buffy was so not a good idea ... even if it did feel comforting to do something so natural. "Look, Pet, there's nothing we can --"

A polite cough interrupted him, and he looked up to see Tara standing there, a sheet of paper in her hand. "We, um ... Giles thinks we've got it."

Buffy stared at her with wide eyes. "Tara, did ... you didn't just hear ..."

Tara looked down at her paper and nodded.

Buffy took hold of her hand. "We don't have to go through with it."

Spike threw down his cigarette. "Yes we--"

"We don't." Her eyes dared him to argue. When he didn't, she turned back to Tara. "You get a say in this."

Tara looked from Buffy to Spike. "H ... how?"

"Um." Spike had to clear his throat. The enormity of what he was asking her to do hit him, and he found it impossible to meet her eyes. "Gunshot," he said. "I don't know the details. I wasn't there." Soul or no soul, suddenly he couldn't blame Willow one bit for what she'd done to Warren. "I'm sorry." And he was. Sorry to lose her, sorry she had to make this sacrifice. Sorry that he hadn't been there, that he couldn't have done something to stop it. She was the best of them, a truly good person. "I'm sorry," he said again. It was all he could say.

Tara just stood there for a long time, processing it all. Then she swallowed and licked her lips. "But ... but that world, it's better. Right? I mean, there's no Adam?"

Hugging herself, Buffy nodded. "We beat him there."

Tara turned back to Spike. "And I did some good there, right? I helped people?"

"Yeh. You did loads of good."

Tara nodded.

"And you were happy," Spike said, finally forcing himself to look at her. "I mean, you were in love, with someone who loved you back." He glanced self-consciously at Buffy, then refocused on Tara. "You were somebody's whole world."

Tara looked back at the parchment. It rattled as her hands trembled. Then she raised her chin, her face resolute, and held the paper out to Spike. "Here's the spell. I can walk you through it, whenever you're ready."

Buffy put a hand on her arm. "Tara, you don't have to--"

"Yes I do." She managed a smile. "Spike's right, there is no choice. And this way maybe ... maybe my death can count for something."

"What about me?"

All heads turned toward the voice. Harmony stood by the opening to the cavern below, a crossbow hanging limply at her side.

From her position at the door, Lauren charged, stake in hand. Gunn held her back. "Whoa. We can't interrogate dust." Raising his weapon, he backed around Harmony and peered through the opening as Lauren disarmed the vampire. "Doesn't look like she brought any homies," announced Gunn.

Giles climbed to his feet. "What about you, Harmony? How long have you been there?"

"Long enough to know that my platinum baby's been replaced by some souly impostor guy from some other universe or something." Pouting, she turned to Spike. "I should have known you weren't really him. You were too nice to me."

"Harm ..." Spike sighed. "How did you find us?"

"I was looking for you, in the tunnels. You disappeared and I was worried. And I heard voices up here."

"Splendid," sighed Giles. "Gunn, Lauren, go below and make sure she came alone."

"You're still with Harmony?" Buffy stood with arms folded and eyebrows raised, looking Harmony over with excessive disdain.

Harmony put a hand on her hip and gave Buffy the same look. "At least I can keep a man, Slayer," she said with a toss of her hair.

Spike rolled his eyes. You can take the girls out of high school ...

Harmony's eyebrows drew together as she seemed to remember something. "Hey! I thought you were dead!"

"Yeah, yeah." Buffy turned to Tara. "You're sure you want to do this?"

Tara nodded.

"Then we'd better hurry," Buffy said to Giles. "If Harmony could find us so easy then we really must be sitting ducks."

"Yes, quite." He knelt back down where he'd been preparing the spell. Tara joined him there.

"What about me?" Harmony asked again. "What am I like in this other world?" She and Buffy both looked expectantly at Spike.

"Um. You, uh ... well, you dumped me." Buffy put a hand over her mouth to suppress a snicker. Spike shot her a look, though he was so delighted to hear genuine laughter from her that he was hard pressed not to smile. "Anyway," he continued, "you left town. That's really all I know. You were living it up in Mexico last I heard."

"Mexico?" Harmony grinned and clapped her hands excitedly. "Omigod! My parents have this amazing condo in Cancun ... I bet I went there."

"Yeh. Bet that's it."

She spun around and went over to Giles. "I want to help."

Giles paused in the midst of lighting a candle and looked up at her. "That ... really won't be necessary, Harmony."

"Well there must be something I can do. 'Cause this world? Totally sucks!"

Giles considered this, then nodded. "So I've noticed."

The crypt door slammed open, and Giles's candle blew out. Harmony looked down at the arrow penetrating her chest.

"Funny," said Willow, lowering her bow as Harmony exploded in a cloud of dust. "'Cause I kinda love this world."

***

Buffy stared up at the face of her best friend. Though frozen in time at nineteen, the cold confidence in her knowing smile betrayed the added years since Buffy had last seen her. Willow stood in the doorway, scanning the crypt. Her smile deepened as her eyes came to rest on Buffy.

A chill ran down Buffy's spine.

Spike moved to stand between them. "Willow. I thought I told you --"

"To find Buffy." She peeked around him and pointed. "Oh look! Found her. Hi Buffy!" she added with an overly friendly wave. She stepped down into the crypt and started to approach, but Spike blocked her path.

"I'm handling it," he told her. "Go wait outside until I need you."

Willow continued to smile. "Nice try. Hey, I have a message from Adam. You're fired. And if I bring you both back alive? I get your old job."

"Not if I kill you first."

"Aww, that's so cute!" She folded her arms and looked him up and down appraisingly. "Who's the widdle hero? You play this part a lot where you come from? 'Cause I gotta say, it's a good look for you. Now if you'll excuse me," she said, unfolding her arms and trying to brush past him, "there's another hero I want to deal with."

Stepping with her, Spike grabbed her arms. "You want her, you gotta go through me."

Willow's smile twisted into a smirk. Then she kneed him in the groin. "Not a problem," she said as he crumpled to his knees. She spun around and kicked him in the head, knocking him to the ground, then stepped over him and stood face to face with Buffy. "Long time no see."

***

Giles fumbled with the matches, trying to relight the candle. "Hand me the buckthorn," he told Tara, but her eyes were following Willow. "Tara!" She looked at him. "This must be our focus right now."

Tara nodded. "Sorry." She handed him the herb.

He crushed a pinch of it between his fingers and let it fall into the flame. "The incantation," he said. She handed him the parchment. He squinted at it, trying to make it out by the light of the candle. Finally he shook his head. "You'll have to ..." But her eyes were back on Willow. Spike knelt before her, then she kicked him in the head and took him down. Without a word, Tara jumped up and started in Buffy's direction, chanting as she went. With a sigh, Giles lit another candle and held it up to illuminate the text.

"Halfrek ... oh protector and revenger of children wronged ... I beseech thee, come before me that I may invoke justice."

Nothing happened.

"Bugger." Giles pulled a pencil from his pocket, crossed out that version of the incantation, and started over.

***

"I'm not going back there," said Buffy. "You'll have to kill me first."

"And don't think I wouldn't enjoy that," said Willow. "A lot."

Buffy's fingers curled into fists at her side. "I don't want to fight you, Willow."

"That's too bad. 'Cause right now I can't think of anything I'd like more."

Buffy swallowed. "Willow, listen to me. In this other world, you were never turned. Adam lost. You got over Oz, and you --" She glanced over at Tara, who was slowly making her way over to them, chanting something under her breath. "You fell in love again. We can get back to that world, Will."

"Oh, Buffy," Willow sighed. "You haven't changed a bit. Well, except for that chip in your head." She took a step closer, but Buffy held her ground. "Weren't you listening?" She spoke as if explaining something to a small child. "I rule here. Or I will, once I bring you in. And anyway, Willow's dead." She shook her head sympathetically. "Really, you of all people should know that."

"I'm sorry," Buffy whispered.

Willow's smile disappeared. "I'm not." She reached for Buffy, but her hand bounced off an invisible forcefield. The air around Buffy crackled and hummed. Tara stood next to her and continued to chant.

Willow turned to Tara, eyes narrowed. "You." She placed her hand against the barrier, felt it crackle against her palm. "I knew I sensed power here. I thought it was Giles, but ..." Willow smiled. "You were the one blocking my locator spell, weren't you?"

Tara responded with louder chanting.

"This," Willow punctuated the word by touching the shield and making it spark, "is powerful magic. You're so strong. But you know what?" She waved a hand. "Aperire." Her hand shot out unhindered and grabbed Tara by the throat. "I'm stronger."

"Leave her alone," warned Buffy.

Willow looked at her like she'd said fire wasn't hot. Then she turned back to Tara. "She always did have this thing with denial." She stroked a finger down Tara's cheek. Tara whimpered, but lifted her chin and bravely stared Willow down. Taking Tara's face in her hands, Willow gave it a twist. The crack echoed throughout the crypt. Tara collapsed to the floor, a puppet whose strings had been cut.

"No."

"It is a shame," Willow concurred. "I could've had fun with her. Maybe even made her like me. Hey, maybe Adam can fix her for me."

Buffy no longer cared about the chip. She balled up her fist and swung.

Willow caught it with a smirk. "Adam said alive. He didn't say anything about unbroken." With her other hand she hit Buffy in the chest, knocking the wind out of her and sending her sprawling. As Willow advanced on Buffy, Spike regained consciousness behind her. He struggled to his feet, but before he could reach Willow a tiny Asian blur barreled into her.

Lauren rolled Willow, but then let go and was back on her feet. "You want to fight a Slayer?" she asked, kicking Willow in the face as she tried to get up. Then Lauren backed up a little and made a summoning gesture with both hands. "Then come get some, bitch."

Willow just laughed and licked the blood from the side of her mouth. "As much as I'd like to, I've already wasted too much time here. Oh, boys!"

"Oh man," said Gunn, pulling himself up from the cavern below, "I do not like the sound of that."

Three of Adam's patchwork soldiers came through the door. As the others launched into battle, Buffy sat on the floor and watched. It was all she could do. She looked at Tara, whose head was twisted around so that her lifeless eyes stared accusingly at Buffy. Tara had wanted her death to have meaning. She'd died trying to protect somebody. Buffy hoped that meant something. She crawled over to her. "I'm sorry," she whispered as she closed Tara's eyelids.

A hand gripped her arm and pulled her up. She started to struggle, but another hand grabbed her other arm. "It's me!" said Spike, giving her a gentle shake.
Buffy relaxed. She looked back at Tara. "I couldn't save her."

"You were never meant to." His voice held true sorrow. "Come on."

He guided her across the crypt. Gunn and Lauren fought side by side, holding off two of the soldiers, but just barely. The third saw Spike and Buffy and came after them. Spike shoved Buffy down behind the tomb and grabbed a crossbow. He vamped out as he spun around and slammed the butt of the weapon into the soldier's face. The zombie staggered back a few steps. Spike took aim and fired. The bolt imbedded itself in the creature's eye, penetrating to its brain. The soldier went down.

Spike grabbed Buffy by the wrist and pulled her over to Giles. "Now would be a good time to do that spell, Rupert."

"What does it look like I'm doing over here? Baking a bloody cake?"

"How's it coming?"

"I think I've got it this time."

"What can I do?" asked Buffy.

Giles shrugged. "Cross your fingers?"

"Stay with Giles," Spike told Buffy. He went to help Lauren and Gunn.

"Take that herb," Giles said, pointing. "Crumble it over the flame and keep it burning as I read this."

"Giles, what if this doesn't work?"

"Then we're doomed."

"So, the usual."

Giles smiled at her, then held up a sheet of paper and began to read. "Oh mighty Halfrek, revenger of the weak and granter of justice, hear my plea. Come forth from Arashmahar, the halls of vengeance, and grant this --" Giles stopped, and his eyes went wide. He looked at Buffy. "Wish." With that, his eyes rolled back in his head, and he slumped forward into her lap. A crossbow bolt stuck out of his back.

"What do you know," said Willow, coming to stand before Buffy. She slung her bow over her shoulder as she pulled another bolt out of her boot and held it up. "These things kill humans, too."

Buffy looked down at Giles, unmoving and unbreathing. She didn't think, she just moved. Gripping the bolt, she pulled it out of his back, then shoved him off of her and pushed to her feet.

Willow sneered. "Oh, please. What do you think you're gonna do with that?"

Buffy raised the stake. "This."

The pain began before she even moved, but she didn't let it stop her. Enough momentum and it wouldn't matter. She could be unconscious, or even dead, but the stake would still find its way home. Buffy lunged. Even as the currents flooded her brain she felt the satisfying plunge of wood into flesh. the last thing she saw before white-hot pain blinded her was her best friend's face crumbling into dust. Then everything went blank.

***

Spike and Gunn rammed the last soldier together, slamming him into the wall. They pinned the bugger there while the Slayer ran at them. She flipped through the air and landed a boot to the soldier's head, smashing it backwards into the wall and cracking the bastard's skull. For good measure, Spike grabbed its head and snapped its neck. He looked around at the bodies of the other soldiers. Definitely dead. But where the hell was Willow?

A scream. Spike spun around in time to see Buffy and a Willow-shaped column of dust both collapse to the floor next to Giles.

"Oh my God," said Gunn between gasps for air. "G!"

But Spike was already there. He could tell the life was gone from Giles, so he left it to Gunn to check and see for sure. Spike's attention was on Buffy. She was alive. Her eyes had rolled back in her head and spasms wracked her body. "Come on," he pleaded as he gathered her into his lap. "Come on, Baby. Just hold on. Just ride it out. Stay with me, Buffy, please!" As he rocked her, her seizure subsided, and she went limp in his arms. "That's it," Spike said. "That's my girl. You're gonna be all right, Buffy." He looked over at Giles. Gunn and Lauren knelt beside him, Lauren holding and stroking his hand as she cried.

Gunn wiped his nose, then looked around the crypt at all the death it held. "So what happens now?"

"A-hem!"

Spike turned around. Halfrek stood in the middle of the room, hands on her hips.

"Somebody order a wish?"

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