The Price You PayBy Sofy
Angel quietly opened the door and found Xander sprawled on the bed, shivering lightly.
"Hey. Are you all right?" Angel said tenderly, sitting on the verge of the bed.
"I'm feeling a bit cold, but I'm ok." Xander replied, curling into a ball and looking at Angel. "Can you... can you hold me?" He asked in a small voice, scared that Angel might reject him.
Angel smiled and took off his shirt and shoes. He climbed on the bed, purring lightly.
"You sound like a kitten." Xander said in a childish voice. Angel smiled and gently gathered Xander in his arms.
"I'm sorry if I sound like a kid sometimes. It's just so much easier to act this way." Xander whispered.
"It's all right. It's your way of coping I guess. I really don't mind Xander." Angel replied, trying hard not to think of the boy's condition. He gently stroked the boy's back. Xander closed his eyes and laid on his chest.
As Angel gave him a massage, Xander felt himself relax as he hadn't relaxed in months. All the tension was soothed away and the young man felt safe. "You have the best hands." He said sleepily in the pillow.
"You like it then?"
"Can't you feel it?" Xander replied, turning around. Angel was now kneeling at Xander's side, his hands on either side of the boy's torso. He slowly lay down on the right side and looked into Xander's eyes.
"Yes. I feel it. I... want to help you. What can I do?" He asked helplessly.
"I need... need you to promise me you'll take care of Josh." Xander answered. "He has a chance to live. The doctor said he might even live longer than most of those who were infected. He's... the exact opposite of me in a way."
"How?" Angel asked curious.
"He hasn't developed AIDS yet, his immune system still works mostly good. He might get the flu more than some, but... he's ok. Me on the other hand... I'm... degenerating really fast. My body... just can't cope." Xander said. "I'm dying. And it won't be long. Three months, four at the most."
"But... isn't there a way to stop this?" Angel asked, feeling helpless.
"No. Once the disease is too far gone there's no way to stop it. It... eats up my immune system. The last time I saw the doctor, I had pneumonia, bronchitis and hepatitis. He did some scans for lung cancer... but we left before our next appointment."
"Can you see a doc around here? Maybe someone will have a better treatment."
"Angel, I'm sorry but... there's no better treatment. I am dying." Xander said, looking in the vampire's eyes.
"No... I just don't wanna believe this Xander. There must be something we can do. It just... doesn't make any sense." Angel began, tears flooding from his eyes. "I can't lose you... not when you've just come back." Xander raised his hand and gently stroked Angel's cheek.
"I didn't know you felt this way about me." He said tenderly.
Angel smiled sadly. "I do."
Xander felt tears fall down his face and he started sobbing. Angel pulled him in his arms and hugged him tightly. "Shhh... it's gonna be all right... I'll take care of you... I promise." He whispered tenderly.
Slowly, Xander's sobbing subsided. He could feel Angel's skin on his own and he wanted to touch. He gently caressed the vampire's chest, trying to map out every inch.
He suddenly stopped and looked away. "I can't..." He tried to untangle himself from Angel's embrace, but the vampire held him firmly.
"Shhh." Angel leaned his head on the young man's shoulder. "It's all right Xander."
"No, it's not. I want... I want... Oh dammit, I want you so much. But I can't." //How did that happened Xanman? You wanting Deadboy so much?//
Angel held Xander close, soothing him. "Let me make love to you then." Angel whispered very gently in the young man's ear.
Xander tensed. "You can't." He started to argue, but Angel silenced him with a kiss.
"And why can't I?" He asked, as their lips parted.
"You... You'll be infected and I don't want..." Xander stammered, slightly more relaxed from the kiss.
"Love, I can't be infected. Do you ever remember me catching the flu?" Angel replied, trying to lighten the mood a little, he didn't like Xander being so tense.
"How?" Xander seemed genuinely puzzled.
"I'm a vampire Xan... I can't be infected by anything. I heal too quickly." Angel said seriously, while brushing a strand of hair out of the boy's eyes. "I want to make love to you, but not tonight. You need to rest, you've had a long day."
Xander snuggled deeper into Angel's embrace. "You're really positive you can't be infected?"
"I'm probably the only person you can have sex with right now... well, apart from Spike that is... but I'm not sure he'd be as willing as I am." He finished, whispering in the boy's ear. "I think I've fallen in love with you."
Xander sighed and closed his eyes. //I think I've fallen in love with you too.// He thought, but didn't say it out loud. "Thank you Angel. For taking us in, for helping me, for... loving me."
"I'm just so glad you came Xander, it means so much to me." Angel said softly.
"It means a lot to me too. And to Josh." Xander took a deep breath. "He never had a real family, real friends. He's always been alone before me. His mom died giving birth to his brother who died two years later. And his dad used him for his own pleasure from a very young age... he was... thrown into prostitution at seventeen when his dad..." Tear were falling silently from Xander's life. "He had a horrible life. He doesn't know what a family is, he doesn't know what having friends means..."
"I'm gonna make sure he gets to know these things." Angel whispered the promise. //I just don't get it. How can a human, with a soul, do that to a child? Doesn't that go against our entire black and white view of the world? Demons are evil, humans are good. That's just a load of crap. Some humans are much more evil than some demons could ever be.//
"Thank you." Xander said sleepily
Angel kissed Xander's forehead and closed his eyes.
***
When Angel woke up the next day, he was wrapped in a warm, living blanket. He smiled affectionately and untangled himself from Xander's embrace. He made sure not to wake the boy and left of the room. He stopped by Josh's bedroom and watched the young blond man sleep. //How can anyone hurt you? You look so sweet and innocent. But you're not innocent anymore... Maybe you never were.// He doubted the young man even knew about vampires. //Xander probably didn't tell him to protect him from other monsters...//
He quietly closed the door and walked downstairs. He fixed himself a cup of blood and sat at the counter, looking at the empty lobby. He missed the laughter, the noise and all the chatter that used to drive him crazy. He missed Cordelia and her ever-present smile, Fred and her babbling, Lorne and his... presence. He even missed Wesley and his quiet stares, gentle scolding and the way he used to look at all of them, even Angel, like he needed to be the adult. //Maybe that's what drove him to kidnap Connor, because he felt it was his responsibility to protect my son... from me.// Angel realised. //But it's too late now. Wesley's gone, Connor's gone, they're all gone.//
Suddenly, the door opened and Angel's head shoot up in hope to see a familiar face. But no. A policeman made his way through the lobby.
"Are you Mister Angel?"
"Yes, that's me." Angel answered puzzled and slightly worried.
"We arrested your son Steven yesterday." The policeman said calmly.
"What did he do?" Angel replied shrugging.
"He is charged with murder."
Angel gasped. Then shrugged again. "Well he did try to kill me." he muttered to himself. The policeman looked up sharply. Angel frowned then asked, "What happened?".
"A young prostitute offered him her... services. There was little discussion involving Steven asking what she meant and her explaining it in his ear. He looked shocked and slapped her. She spit in his face and he simply snapped her neck in anger. There were a lot of witnesses." The policeman explained remaining impossibly calm.
The vampire closed his eyes. "He has a really bad temper." He muttered.
The officer looked at Angel and nodded. "Why don't we have any documents about him trying to kill you?"
"Oh, er, well... I got out of there without so much as a scratch and I'm... pretty good at forgiveness... in his case anyway. But not anymore. I'm tired."
The officer nodded again. "All right. If you want to make a deposition, you'll need to come down to the station."
"I won't." Angel said firmly.
"I take it you don't want to be involved in the trial?"
"I want to know the verdict, but don't involve me in the trial itself." Angel sighed.
"All right. I'll leave the papers here and call you when the trial is finished and the sentence is known. Hope you have a good day." Leaving a folder on the counter, the policeman turned around and left the hotel.
Angel watched as the officer closed the door behind him. He looked for what seemed like hours at the pile of paper left on the counter, before finally working up the courage to open the file and read. For an hour, he read a large amount of paper work that basically said the same thing the officer had said. A few pictures of Connor and some more paper work on the laws the young man had broken. When he finished, Angel closed the folder and placed it on Wesley's desk. He would burn it later.
Angel went down to the basement to take out his frustrations on the punch bag. For what seemed like hours, he punched and kicked, until eventually exhausted, he stopped and went upstairs to take a quick shower. Xander was still in bed sleeping when the vampire entered the bedroom. He smiled at the sight. //He's so cute. So adorable.//
He kissed Xander's forehead and quickly undressed on his way to the bathroom. When he came out, the young man wasn't in bed anymore and the room had been cleaned up; the clothes folded on his chair and the bed made. Angel smiled.
***
The two young men were chatting quietly in the lobby over a cup of coffee. Xander looked up as he heard footsteps coming closer and he smiled warmly at Angel. The vampire leaned in and kissed the brunette tenderly.
"Hey love. You slept well?" He asked gently.
"Yeah. Haven't slept this good in... well in years." Xander brushed Angel's cheek and they were still, entranced by the other's eyes.
"You guys are so cute." Came the small voice from beside Xander.
The brunette blushed, but didn't take his eyes away from Angel. "You jealous Josh?" He asked mockingly.
"Hell, yeah." The other young man answered smiling. "I'm happy for you Alex... er Xander." Josh shook his head. "What do you want me to call you now?"
Xander looked pensive and then turn his gaze to his friend. "How 'bout Xander? Alex is... it doesn't sound like me. Not like the 'me' I am now anyway."
"Xander it is then." Josh smiled and squeezed his friend's shoulder and stood up. "You do look cute." He added mischievously.
Xander laughed lightly as he watched his friend walk back to the kitchen to clean his cup and probably grab another snack. Which made him think. "Angel? You think we could do a little grocery shopping? There's not really much in to eat."
Angel nodded and leaned in to kiss Xander once more.
"So... how 'bout we get the grand-tour?" Josh asked coming back from the kitchen, an apple in his hand.
Angel smiled and helped Xander up.
***
As the day passed, the boys felt more and more at ease. It was so good to let go of the tension and the pain. They laughed and chatted like the young men they were, Angel even giving in to laughter every once in a while though his smile never quite reached his eyes.
Xander noticed that and as soon as Josh went back to his room after they went to buy groceries, Xander entered the office and closed the door behind him. He looked at Angel, sitting on the chair behind the desk, his head in his hands, looking completely alone.
"Hey." He greeted, approaching the vampire. "Are you ok? I... I noticed you seemed kinda down today."
Angel looked up at him and sighed. Xander went over to him and sat on his lap, wrapping his arms around the vampire's shoulders. "Tell me." He said very gently in the vampire's ear.
And Angel broke. For hours he spoke of everything that had happened since they had last seen each other nine months before. Darla, Connor, Wesley, his frustrations, his happiness, how it felt to hold baby Connor in his arms, how he felt betrayed and let down when Wesley took him away, the happiness of having Connor/Steven back and then the horrors of being betrayed by him too. He cried and shouted, but Xander never once said anything. He just stayed silent, gently petting the vampire, soothing Angel as Angel had soothed him. Finally, Angel stopped and just laid his head on Xander's shoulder.
"You remember what you told me in San Francisco?" Xander ask very gently after a few minutes of silence. Angel looked up at Xander, puzzled. "You said you trusted Wesley with your life." Angel went to say something, but Xander silenced him. "Don't talk. Let me." Angel nodded. "You said you trusted him. You remember the reason you gave me then?"
Angel nodded, looking down.
"What was it?"
"He... always made the right decision according to the information he had. That even if his decisions resulted in the deaths of men and women." //Like in Pylea.// "He would always chose the right thing to do, but..."
"No buts Angel. You said it yourself. He always did the right thing, what he felt he had to do. No matter if it would make people hate him, he'd do it, because it was the right thing to do. If it hadn't been, he would never have taken Connor away. It probably was his last hope. He trusted you too and thought of you as a friend, or so you told me. I don't think he'd ever do anything to hurt you, except if it was the only way. He lost everyone by doing that, he lost his friends and family. But he did it. So why?"
Angel felt a weight taken off his shoulder and he looked into Xander's eyes. "It was the right thing to do. At least in his view."
"Yeah. He did it even if it meant he would be alone afterwards. He knew he would lose all of you by doing it, but he did it anyway."
Xander looked into the vampire's eyes. "Promise me, next time you'll see Wesley, you'll think about all this, ok?"
"I promise, but only because you asked." Angel answered, kissing Xander's nose.
Having given Angel a little food for thought, Xander gripped the vampire's hand, standing up. Time to change the subject. He looked at Angel, pouting.
"What now?" Angel asked, faking annoyance.
"Can we go to your... our room?" Xander said in a childlike voice. "I wanna cuddle."
Angel smiled warmly and stood up, wrapping his arms around Xander. He brought the young man closer to him and kissed him passionately. Xander answered by licking the vampire's lips, seeking entrance. Their tongues tangled and fought together as their hands roamed each other's bodies.
Angel broke the kiss, panting needlessly. "Thank you."
The young man smiled and dragged the vampire upstairs. Tonight, Xander was going to be loved.
***
When they reached the room, Angel closed the door behind himself and turned to see Xander, sitting on the bed, smiling. The vampire felt like time had stopped and nothing existed apart from them.
He made his way to the bed and stood in front of the young man. Xander started unbuttoning Angel's shirt, lost in concentration. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the skin he was revealing. He eased the shirt out of the way and let his hands wander on the soft flesh.
Angel moaned and placed his hands on top of Xander's, stopping the slow teasing caresses. Without a word he helped Xander to his feet and kissed him tenderly. He gripped the hem of the young man's t-shirt and gently pulled it up over Xander's shoulders then unfastened his pants and eased them down before leaning in and kissing the boy's lips once more. Angel then trailed across Xander's cheek and down to his neck. He gently nibbled on the boy's pulse, his cool hands caressing the hot chest.
Xander threw his head back. Never had he been touched so gently before. This was new and yet, it felt perfect. Just like it should be. He lifted Angel's head and their eyes met for what seemed like an eternity, before Xander deposited a very soft kiss on the vampire's lips. His hands trailed down and he unfastened the vampire's pants, Angel's hands finding his and helping him ease the pants and silk boxers out of the way.
Gently Angel pushed Xander on the bed. The boy laid on his back, sprawled like an offering. //A beautiful, priceless offering.// The vampire thought as he leaned over Xander and began trailing soft kisses on every bit of flesh he could find, starting at the boy's forehead. He kissed all over Xander's face, wandering down to his neck and nibbling there. He stopped to play with Xander's nipples, eliciting more and more moans from the young man. After a few minutes, he continued his journey and dipped his tongue in Xander's navel, teasing and thrusting in and out. The vampire ran his hands up and down Xander's thighs, as he lowered his mouth towards the young man's erection.
Xander's heart was racing and he was panting with need. All this care and soft touching had made him so hard, yet, shouldn't he be the one giving pleasure?
Angel gently ran his fingers over the hard flesh before gripping it and beginning to stroke it in a slow rhythm. He bent his head and took the tip of Xander's hard cock in his mouth, licking the precum and loving the taste of it.
"No Angel. Stop. I should be the one to..."
"No love, you left that life behind." Angel said, crawling over his lover's body and looking directly into his eyes. "You're not here to please me. I want to make love to you. Let me? Please?"
Xander was shocked, but he realised Angel was right. He wasn't a prostitute anymore and this wasn't about pleasing someone. It was about love. The both of them making love. *Angel* making love to him. The young man closed his eyes and laid back on the bed.
Encouraged by this silent agreement, the vampire returned to his task. Mouth and hands, nipping, caressing and licking the human flesh, though not touching the hard cock he'd had in his mouth mere moments ago.
This teasing was making Xander crazy with need. He fisted his hands in the sheets trying hard not to simply grip the vampire's shoulders and push him towards his cock.
He heard the vampire fumble on the nightstand with one free hand and suddenly, he was encased in cool wetness from tip to root. //Thank God vampires don't have to breathe!//
Angel gently bobbed his head up and down, teasing Xander's cock with his tongue, moving oh so slowly. Without stopping his slow ministrations, he uncapped the tube of lube he'd just took from his nightstand and slicked his fingers. He gently teased Xander's opening before sliding his finger in. He thrust in and out gently stretching and caressing the walls.
Xander was lost in pleasure, nothing registering in his head apart from the feeling of Angel's finger and mouth, in him and on him, teasing him. "More." He moaned, pushing back against the vampire's hand.
Angel complied and added first a second, then a third finger. When he felt Xander was ready, he took his fingers out and released the hard flesh from his mouth, leaning over the boy to kiss him gently. Xander wouldn't have any more teasing, he grabbed Angel's head and pulled him into a searing kiss and started thrusting up into Angel. They rubbed against each other frantically. Angel broke the kiss and stilled Xander suddenly. He looked into the young man's eyes, panting needlessly. He was too near, he needed to be in Xander.
The brunette nodded and poured lube onto his hand. He quickly coated Angel's erection and then wrapped his legs around the vampire's waist.
Angel watched as Xander positioned the vampire's cock at his entrance and gripped Angel's shoulders. He kissed the boy's lips and started to push inside that tight heat. It felt so good. Slowly, oh so slowly, he slipped inside Xander and then stilled. Their lips still pressed together, they started to move together in an endless dance, up and down, up and down, slowly at first, and then faster as their need took over.
Xander had never felt so good. Never thought it could feel so go to be with another man. It felt so perfect and beautiful.
Angel thrust into Xander harder and faster, watching, as his cock was enveloped in Xander's tightness with every thrust. He didn't want to end too soon, he still had to find that perfect little spot inside Xander's body that would send the boy over the edge of ecstasy.
Xander's eyes were closed, lost in pleasure. He felt Angel push on his legs and unwound them from the vampire's waist, making sure not to lose the rhythm. He felt the angle change as his legs were pushed over Angel's shoulders. Another hard thrust and he screamed, shivers of pleasure coursing through him as if he'd been hit by lightning.
When he heard Xander's scream, Angel smiled and leaned in to kiss his lover again. Their lips locked, they both felt their orgasms approaching. Angel thrust harder and reached for Xander's cock. Stroking and thrusting, he felt his balls tighten. As if on cue, Xander placed his hand over the vampire's on his own cock and opened his eyes. Gaze locked, they moaned loudly and their rhythm became frenzied. Thrusting and stroking hard, they drove each other to completion.
Angel collapsed on top of Xander, panting. The young man was staring at the ceiling still in a haze. The vampire smiled and gently pulled out, laying beside the boy. Xander slowly turned towards his lover and smiled warmly. "Thank you." He whispered, burying himself in Angel's embrace. "This was the most amazing moment of my life."
"I love you Xander." Angel replied kissing the young man's forehead.
Hugging each other tightly, they fell asleep, truly content.
***
*** The next morning
"Hey Angel, bro, ready to go back to work?" Gunn asked as he opened the bedroom door and stepped in. He stopped moving suddenly, shocked by the sight that greeted him.
Angel was laying on his back, his arms wrapped around a young man Gunn had never met. Said young man was also wrapped around the vampire as a blanket, his head on the vampire's chest. Both of them were naked.
Gunn reacted fast. //Angel + sex = not good.// He pulled a stake out of his coat and ran to the bed, shoved Xander out of the way and dragged Angel to his feet, not caring about the nakedness. He pushed Angel against the wall, placing the stake just over his heart, pushing but not enough to break the skin.
"Gunn!" Angel screamed in shock and panic. "I'm ok, still me, not Angelus." He said nervously. "Just Angel."
Gunn eyed him suspiciously. "How can I be sure of that?"
"Well, I'm kinda still very much alive." The young man on the bed said.
The black man turned his head and looked at Xander. The boy was scrubbing his eyes like a child and had wrapped the blanket around himself.
"Xander? Is... are you ok?" Came a little voice from the doorway as Josh pushed the almost closed door open.
Angel pushed Gunn's stake away and quickly covered himself with one of the bed sheet before switching on the lamp on his nightstand.
"Yeah. Everything's all right." Xander answered, looking at his friend's sleepy face. "Just a friend of Angel that thought Angel had gone mad."
Gunn was completely transfixed by the beauty in the doorway. Dark blond hair, dark blue eyes heavy with sleep, and the cutest nose ever. //Calm down man.// He scolded himself, but he couldn't take his eyes away from the man. //It's a man! Gender: male. So not what you're looking for. Huh, but seems like the boss's kinda that way inclined.// Josh blushed and looked down, embarrassed by the black man's gaze.
"Gunn, Josh and Xander." Angel made the introductions.
The dark man shook himself out of his stupor and firmly took a hold of himself. "Nice meeting you both." He said, waving his head. //Xander... isn't that the guy from Sunnydale that Angel's suppose to hate?// "Xander man, you sure he won't go all... you know."
"No he won't." Xander replied, shaking his head.
"All right then, I'll let you two get dressed." Gunn turned on his heel and started to walk to the door, in Josh's direction. He stopped and turned around once more. "Angel, we got a case, so don't take too much time."
Angel nodded. "I'll see you downstairs."
Gunn left, followed by Josh and the door closed behind them.
"Sorry about that." Angel said to his lover, leaning in and kissing the warm lips lovingly.
Xander lifted his hand and gently brushed the vampire's cheek. "It's ok. He was worried about... well you." He smiled tenderly. //I love you so much, but I can't tell you. You're going to hurt too much if I do.//
Angel smiled back and pressed his lips to Xander's once more. Every time they kissed, the vampire felt like all was right in the world. And that feeling was becoming addictive.
***
Gunn and Josh made their way down the stairs and into the kitchen, where the black man started to get things out to cook breakfast.
"You cook?" Josh asked shyly. The tall black man impressed him. //He's so handsome.// Blushing at his own thoughts, he sat on a chair and looked down, playing with his fingers.
"Yeah, I use to do that a lot for my sister. I took care of her when our parents died."
"Ohhh, where is she now? You still cook for her?" Josh asked, curious.
"No. She died a couple of years ago." Gunn looked down in sorrow. "Vam... she was murdered." He added his voice barely above a whisper.
Josh was hit by a memory he wanted to forget. He shook his head, trying to clear his thought. "That's horrible." He said. He felt the urge to take the taller man in his arms, but fought it.
"Yeah, well Angel's all I have left... and I mean that literally." Gunn replied, turning to look at Josh.
//You could have me if you want.// Josh thought, blushing lightly. "Xander, he's all I have too."
Gunn looked at him quizzically. "What about your family?" //Who would ever want to hurt you?//
"No one... I have no family." Josh answered, looking at his hands. "I... I had a little brother when I was really young, but he... died when I was four. He was only two." He closed his eyes, overwhelmed by images he had hoped long forgotten.
(("Will you shut up fucking brat??" Julius yelled at his youngest son, who was crying out of hunger. "You asked for it!" The man slapped the baby's face and kicked him hard. The toddler hit the wall and slid to the floor. The room was filled with silence. The man looked with disgust at the broken body on the floor and turned to the young boy in the doorway. "Come here Joshua. You don't cry like your brother, do you? You're a good kid. I love you son. You know what daddy wants now don't you? Yes, that's a good boy. You do as daddy says and nothing bad will happen to you."))
"My mom died giving birth to him. And my dad..." His stare grew hard. "Better not to talk about that."
Gunn nodded, thinking it was best not to dig into memories. He didn't even know the young man yet, so he didn't have the right to ask more questions. He turned back to his task. "I bet you and Xander are starving. How do you like your eggs?"
*** A week later...
"Angel?" Xander asked, his voice still hoarse with sleep.
"Yeah." Came the mumbled reply.
"I think... I think I'm ready to go back to Sunnydale. I feel like I need to be there." The young man said, looking into his sleepy lover's eyes.
Angel kissed Xander chastely and hugged him tight. "We'll leave tonight. We need to tell Josh and Gunn. You mind Gunn coming with us?"
"Nope, not at all." The young man answered, thinking about the glances Gunn and Josh kept exchanging all week. "I'm sure Josh will be really happy if he does." He added whispering wickedly.
Angel smiled and kissed Xander's lips once more, this time passionately. "I can't get enough of you." He said hoarsely, as he trailed down the young man's throat.
"And I can't get enough of you either." Xander added panting. They both lost track of time.
When they finally got out of the room, Gunn and Josh were chatting quietly in the lobby, just as they had every other morning since they had met. They looked up and smiled.
Angel went to the kitchen and Xander sat beside Josh. "We're going to Sunnydale." He told his friend.
"Really?" Josh smiled excitedly. Gunn smiled at the young man's excitement. He loved to see him smile.
"Yup. We're leaving tonight." Xander answered. Looking at Gunn, he continued. "You coming with us?"
The black man seemed hesitant. He looked at Josh and the young man started pouting at him. "Please?"
Gunn shook his head and smiled. He looked down, feeling his cheeks flush. Not that they would realise it with him being black and all. He looked up. "Ok. I'll go. Gotta meet that Scooby gang anyway."
"Scooby gang?" Josh asked puzzled.
"That's what we used to call ourselves back in Sunnydale." Xander answered. "Now, lets get everything ready. We're leaving as soon as the sun sets."
***
The car ride went smoothly. Gunn and Josh were in the backseat, chatting and making jokes, laughing and singing all through the ride. Angel just smiled. There was something about the two of them that screamed they were falling in love. The vampire didn't know how Gunn would react to loving a man, but after the talk they'd had the day before, he really hoped they'd work it out.
(("Angel? Can I talk to you for a minute?" Gunn asked, walking down the stairs to the training room.
"Yes. What is it?" Angel asked a little out of breath.
Gunn sat at the bottom of the stairs and looked at his hands. "I'm... I'm wondering..."
Looking at the surprisingly shy black man, the vampire understood. Angel smiled and sat beside Gunn. "You're falling for a man and that scares you."
"How did you know?" The black man asked surprised.
"I know you and I watched how you've been acting these last few days. Josh is a nice young man, but he's been hurt a great deal." Angel said like a warning.
"I know." //No you don't man, you don't know anything about him.// He scolded himself. "I've never, ever felt this way with anyone before. It's like I crave his smiles and the light in his eyes and all those sappy things." He took a deep breath. "But I'm not gay." He added fiercely.
"Nor am I Gunn. I really do believe that love isn't about being gay or straight, I think it's about how you feel, it's about being in love, wanting to be with the person you love for as long as you can, everyday of your life. The gender doesn't matter. Follow your heart his my advice. And if what you crave is his smiles and not his body, then I think your heart is in the right place." He patted the other man's shoulder and went back to training.))
Gunn would let himself love. The vampire could feel it. Love doesn't come that often in life. //Or unlife.// Angel thought, looking at Xander.
"Is it far still, Papa Smurf?" Josh teased Angel.
"Not too far." The vampire answered, smiling. //He's not going to do it, it he?//
A few minutes later...
"Is it far still, Papa Smurf?"
"Not too far." //He is.//
"Is it far still Papa Smurf?"
"Not too far."
"Is it far st..."
"YES! Very far!" Angel growled jokingly. Everyone in the car looked at him in shock, then burst into laughter.
"What? You think I never watched the Smurfs? They've be on tv for so long, there's no way I could've lived this long without having watched it."
Xander smiled and kissed his cheek. "I can't believe you ever watched cartoons!"
Angel shook his head and concentrated on the road, a happy smile on his face.
***
Xander opened his door and stood outside of the car a little too hastily. He felt dizzy and his knees buckled. He felt strong arms around him and heard doors being closed and concerned voices asking if he had taken his pills. He couldn't remember.
"We'll give him his medication once we're inside. Lets go." Angel said to the others, lifting Xander up in his arms. He was really worried. Xander looked pale and needed a place to lay down.
As they approached the door to Giles' apartment, they heard yelling coming from inside.
"Oi! Gimme that watcher! You drank enough already."
"You're not my bloody babysitter Spike. Now give me back that bottle or I... I'll stake you!"
"Suuuure, like you can do it in your state."
Josh heard the screams and felt a little scared. Angel nodded at him to knock.
"Don't bother about the screaming. The same thing that drove Xander to San Francisco, probably drove Giles to drink. Don't know what Spike's doing here though." He muttered. //I would've thought he'd be gone by now.//
Josh nodded and knocked.
"Gonna answer that, you behave!" Spike said reaching for the door. "Oi Peaches." Spike said, recognizing only him. Suddenly, the bundle in the other vampire's arms caught his eyes. "Oh Hell! It's the whelp watcher!" Spike yelled in surprise. "But... wait a minute... why are *you* bloody carrying him Peaches?"
"Just let us in, please Spike? We'll explain all later."
"Yes, let them in Spike." Giles said, suddenly feeling a lot more sober. //Xander. Oh my God. He's here. He's really here.// "Come on in Angel."
The vampire silently thanked him and the four men stepped inside, Josh staying close to Gunn, a little scared of Spike. Gunn put his arm around the younger man's shoulder, smiling. Josh smiled back, blushing, as Angel gently lowered Xander on the couch.
"Spike? Would you mind getting a glass of water?" He asked as he rummaged through his coat pockets, trying to find the pills. Spike left for the kitchen without a word.
"Front left pocket Angel." Josh said shyly.
Angel looked in the pocket and found what he was looking for. He flashed a bright smile at Josh. "Thanks."
Spike came back and handed Angel the glass. Giles sat on the sofa and watched as Angel helped Xander sit up and gave him the pills.
"Hey baby." Angel said tenderly. "You're ok?"
Xander glanced at the silent room and waved at Spike and Giles, who looked really worried. "Yeah I guess I'll be all right... hey guys."
"Hey, you lost weight pet... don't look so good." Spike stated gently.
"Hey to you too Spike. And I know." Xander replied to the vampire standing behind him. "I'm... I'm sick." He looked at Angel, who squeezed his hand encouragingly. //Better tell them at once and be done with it.// "I... I have AIDS."
"Oh dear God." Giles exclaimed.
Spike was at a lost for words. He looked at Giles. "Like you said watcher."
"Are you going to be ok?" Giles asked looking worriedly at the young man.
//I hate to do this to him.// Xander thought before answering honestly. "No. I'm dying."
Giles got up in frustration and started to look for his bottle of scotch.
"Oh no you don't watcher!" Spike yelled, jumping for the bottle before Giles has any chance of getting it. //No point in him drinking more than he already has! He's been pissed out of his skull for the last year!//
"Bloody Hell Spike! Let me drink!"
The front door opened suddenly, interrupting the fight. "I leave you ten minutes and you're already fighting like two bloody kids!"
"Wesley!" Gunn yelled in surprise. //What's he doing here?//
Wesley stopped dead in his track and looked around, realising Spike and Giles weren't alone in the room. "Gunn... Angel." He gulped. "What are you doing here?"
"Could ask you the same question English." Gunn replied. Angel growled loudly and tried to get up, struggling to keep his game face at bay, but Xander held him firmly.
"Angel, please calm down." Xander whispered, hugging the vampire tightly. "You promised." He reminded him.
The dark vampire looked at his lover and breathed deeply. //He's right, I promised... but what is HE doing here?//
"I came here because... well because I really didn't want to fight *against* you, which would probably have happened if Lilah had gotten her way." Wesley explained. "What are you doing here?"
Gunn waved at Angel and Xander on the couch. "Xander there wanted to come see his friends."
"I'm dying." Xander said truthfully to Wesley.
"No." Giles said stubbornly. "You can't die."
"I'm sorry Giles. I'm so sorry to do this to you, but it's the truth. Please don't make it any harder than it already is." Xander pleaded. "I came here to see you... and Willow and Dawn and Tara... and even Spike. I need you... all of you." The boy was on the verge of breaking down.
"But what can we do to help?" Giles asked desperate. //I can't lose another one of them. It's too hard. He disappeared for a whole year and now, he comes back only to tell us he's dying!//
"Just... be there for me. Please?" Xander asked pleadingly.
"Oh God Xander. I missed you so much." Giles took the young man from Angel's arms and hugged him tightly. "I missed you." He repeated.
"I missed you too G-man." Xander replied crying. Giles chuckled at the nickname. //How much I missed him. Missed his silly comments and nicknames. Missed him.//
"While the two pillocks are reuniting, maybe you should introduce us to your friends there Peaches. They seem lonely... even though the black one is busy glaring at Weasley."
"Stop calling me that." Wesley exclaimed, annoyed.
Xander started to laugh between his sobs and Giles slowly let go of him. The young man snuggled into Angel's arms, his back to the vampire's chest, still laughing. "Weasley... that's a good one Spike." He said, looking warmly at the bleached vampire.
"Like it pet? Knew you would." Spike smirked.
"Josh..." Xander said turning to the young man. "Meet Giles... Spike... and Wesley." He waved at each man in turn.
"Hey." Josh said shyly, while Gunn introduced himself and shook Giles and Spike's hands.
Giles smiled at them, "Welcome to Sunnydale, Josh." He looked at Gunn. "I've heard a lot about you." He smiled warmly. "My..." He looked at Wesley, who nodded. "My lover..." He paused, letting the thought sink in. "Has a lot of tales to tell."
Angel's head shot up and he looked at Giles and Wesley. "You two...?" He trailed off.
"This is part of the reason why I haven't staked you yet. He wouldn't let me... The other part being the fact that Xander seems literally 'attached' to you." Giles stated, smiling lightly.
Xander snuggled even closer to Angel. "Don't you dare stake my cuddle bear, G-man." He said in a childish voice.
"I won't." Giles promised, smiling warmly at the young man.
"Xan?" Josh asked in a small voice, still in Gunn's arms.
"Yeah?" Xander replied, looking at his friend's puzzled face.
"I heard this... 'joke' about staking a couple of times, and I was wondering..." He hesitated. "You don't... you don't mean like what you did to Bryce do you?"
Xander saw fear pass over Josh's face at the memory of that day. "No." He answered, shaking his head.
"Whelp." Spike said accusingly. "He doesn't know, does he?" Xander shook his head again.
"Know about what Xan?" Josh asked curious.
"Come here." Xander said, waving at his friend.
Josh looked at Gunn, who smiled, and went to sit beside Xander and Angel. The brunette sat up, Angel's arms still around him, and looked into Josh's eyes.
Giles brought Wesley closer to his chest as if to protect him. They were all silent.
"I'm going to tell you something that might sound unbelievable, but you must trust me, ok?" Josh nodded. Taking a deep breath, Xander decided to go straight to the point. "Vampires are real."
***
***
Josh looked at his friend like he had grown horns. A smile began to form on his face, and if he hadn't been so shy, he'd have burst into laughter. "You're kidding right? You're making fun of me."
Xander shook his head. Josh looked up at the others and they were all doing the same. Gunn came to his side and took the boy's hand and squeezed lightly.
"You're not kidding then..." Josh said beginning to get scared. Gunn put his arms around the young man's shoulder in support. The black man didn't know what was driving him to be so protective of Josh, but he felt the young man needed him and trusted him.
"Prove it." Josh dared Xander.
"Nothing easier." The brunette turned his head towards Angel and looked pleadingly in the vampire's eyes. "Please?" He asked.
Angel rolled his eyes playfully and, smiling, he looked at Spike. The other vampire nodded and, looking back at Josh, they let their gamefaces surface.
"Ahhhhhh" Josh screamed in surprise, holding Gunn's shirt tightly. "Oh God." He said as he calmed down. He turned back to Angel and reached a hand in front of him. He stopped a few moments before touching the dark vampire's face. "Can I touch?" He asked shyly, curious.
Angel nodded at the young man, while Spike came to sit on the coffee table. "Wow." Josh said as he very gently traced the ridges of Angel's face. "You guys are real vampires... I mean... wow." He whispered in wonder. The other men all smiled at the boy's reaction. "Oh but... that means you drink blood right?"
Angel nodded and Spike licked his lips. "Ewwww." Josh made a face and Xander burst in laughter. Angel just smiled at Spike, the other vampire returning his smile and rolling his eyes.
"How old are you?" Josh asked, as if realizing something. //They're immortal!// He thought.
Angel looked at Giles and Wesley, still entangled, and raised his eyebrow at them, silently asking them to answer the question.
Giles smiled. "Liam was turned in 1753..."
"Liam?" Josh interrupted, puzzled.
"That's me." Angel said.
"Oh." Josh replied, settling back into Gunn's arms.
"So... this means, Angel has been a vampire for almost a quarter of a millennia." Giles continued. "As for..." He waved at Spike. "William, only he knows the truth. And his Sire that is... Some say he was turned at the beginning of the 19th century, others much later... around 1880... Spike himself once agreed to the latter version, and said he was sired by-"
"Stop watcher!" Spike exclaimed, interrupting.
"What Spike?" Giles asked, rolling his eyes.
Angel suddenly laughed. Xander looked up at him through sleepy eyes and smiled. "What's making you laugh so much?" He asked sleepily.
Angel smiled and kissed his nose. He turned towards Spike, who was trying to blend himself to the walls. "I'm not angry Spike." Angel said calmly and honestly. All the others in the room were at a lost. They looked at each other and shrugged.
"In fact..." Angel continued. "I'm sorry."
"For what Peaches?" Spike asked uneasily.
"For whatever I did, and God knows I did a lot, that drove you to tell everyone Drusilla was your sire." He finished, looking directly into his childe's eyes.
As realisation sank in, Spike opened his eyes wide. //No sire EVER apologized to their childe... it's against the lore... Bloody hell!// He thought.
Angel pushed a little on Xander to make some space for Spike and opened his arms. "Come here Will." He said gently. The other vampire hurried to his sire's side and buried himself in Angel's strong embrace.
Suddenly realizing all the implications of what had just happened, Giles and Wesley's mouth fell open and they looked at each other.
Finally, Giles shook his head and turned towards Gunn and Josh, who were laughing at an inside joke. "Gunn, Josh, you may take the spare bedroom. There is only one bed though... I don't think that will be a problem, will it?"
Josh tensed. "No." He said hastily. "Er... we should give the bed to Xander." He said looking at his friend. "He needs to be as comfortable as possible."
Angel looked up at him and smiled. He gently shook Xander and Spike. "Xan? Will? Let me up."
The two other men sat, Spike holding a very sleepy Xander, as Angel stood up and prepared the medication for the young men.
While Angel was fetching two glasses of water, Giles and Wesley prepared the bedroom and brought sleeping bags for Gunn and Josh.
Angel lifted Xander in his arms. He looked at Gunn. "Will you be all right?" The black man nodded and, with Spike in tow, Angel climbed the stairs to the bedroom. He undressed Xander and tucked him under the covers, before taking off his own clothes and climbing in.
Spike watched in awe as Xander attached himself to Angel and fell asleep. "Real cuddle vampire you are Peaches... don't remember that." He said sitting on the edge of the bed.
Angel looked at him and smiled. "Angelus never liked this... must be why I like it so much." He said, looking warmly at Xander, then at Spike. "You wanna sleep here?" He asked, shocked at his own words.
"You serious Peaches?" Spike replied.
Angel nodded and made some space behind himself for Spike to climb in. The other vampire quickly undressed and laid on the bed.
"Will?" Angel said tenderly. "You can."
"What?" Spike asked puzzled.
"You can cuddle me if you want." Angel answered, very gently.
"Who said I..." Spike began to argue. "Oh, bugger it." He muttered, turning around and wrapping his arms around his Sire's body, his head laying on Angel's shoulder. He had wanted to do this ever since Angelus had first turned him, but the older vampire had never been one for embraces and cuddles. Spike watched the sleeping human on the other side, both Angel and him mesmerized at the sight.
"Ya know... never thought I'd end up in this position when I woke up today." He whispered, smirking.
Angel smiled, not taking his eyes off Xander. "Me neither." He said.
"He really is dying, isn't he?" Spike asked, concerned.
"Yeah." Angel answered, his voice hoarse.
"What does he have? I mean really have."
Angel took a deep breath. "What can you feel?"
Spike looked at his Sire, puzzled. "Oh. You mean what I smell... what the demon feels." He stated.
Angel nodded. //What happened to him that he distinguishes the demon from himself?//
"Wouldn't taste him. That's the first thing the d... I feel."
"That's AIDS. It's a blood infection. It weakens the immune system. That means he can catch any sickness, at any time. If you'd drain him, it could weaken you enough to turn you to dust. Even though you can't catch it really." Angel explained trying to remain calm. "You hear his breathing? The air passing through his lungs?"
"Yeah." Spike answered after a minute. "Hitchy and rough. Kinda like a motorcycle... and a bad one at that."
"Bronchitis, pneumonia, maybe even lung cancer." Angel said, troubled.
"Hell, you mean he can catch every bloody disease going?" Spike exclaimed.
Angel nodded, gently caressing Xander's cheek. "That's the problem with this particular disease. It kills all the regenerative blood cells. It's not really AIDS that's killing him, but more all the other diseases he gets because of it." He sighed and kissed Xander's forehead. "And once the degeneration is too far gone, there's nothing anyone can do to reverse the process." He closed his eyes against the tears that were threatening to fall at his helplessness.
"You're in love with him." Spike stated in a voice so gentle Angel felt his heart shatter. //How can he be so tender? He has no soul, no conscience. Yet, he still *feels*.//
"I always seem to fall for the ones I shouldn't, don't I?" He whispered, still looking tenderly at Xander.
Spike hugged his Sire tighter, but said nothing. For a while, they just laid there, listening to Xander's breathing. The young boy coughed a few times, but stayed asleep.
"You're not the only one that falls for the bloody wrong people, Peaches." Spike whispered. "Though I recall, I get your leftovers."
Angel turned his head towards the younger vampire and quirked his eyebrow.
"You blind? Drusilla, B... the slayer." Even after a year, talking about Buffy was still painful. "Him." He finished, looking at Xander. "Ya all had them b'fore me."
"Him?" Angel asked puzzled and a little worried.
"When I use to live in his basement, realized how brave he was, had respect for him. During the fight with Glory..." He stopped, not able to finish, the memories were too strong.
"You fell in love with him." Angel stated.
"Yeah. But didn't bloody realize it til after he left."
"We're pathetic aren't we?"
"Yeah. But we fall for the best." Spike said closing his eyes. "The most insane and beautiful vampire, the most courageous slayer and the finest and bravest human." The vampire finished, his voice warm.
Angel was shocked, but in a good way. "Spike? What happened to you?" He asked very gently.
"Dunno. This chip forced me to look at humans instead of just eating them. Fighting with them *every* day I... kinda grew a soul I guess." He shrugged. "Don't really care what happened. What I care about is them... the lot of them. Gonna bloody protect the nibblet, the wiccas and that drunken watcher 'till I'm dust."
Angel smiled at his childe and nodded. "I know the feeling." He said gently. "It's like they grow on you and you can't help but want to protect them." He looked back at Xander.
"But you can't protect them from everything. They make their own mistakes, you make yours. They have their destiny and their fate. They save the world and they die. They get sick and they die. They grow old and they die. You and me, we're eternal. We'll watch over them, care for them, but in the end, we'll always lose them. And when you don't succeed in protecting them, that's when it hurts the most. You realize that, what you fought for, might have been for nothing. And then, there's this tiny little thing that was placed on your path. This tiny miracle, and you think: this is my chance, my redemption, the chance I have to still live. But even that won't last long. This miracle will turn against you and almost kill you... You've been betrayed, by your friends, your family, and yet, you're still there, you still have to fight for them. Because even though they've betrayed you, tried to kill you, even though they'll die and leave you to your sorrow, your pain, they've grown on you and you *have* to do this, for your own sake and for them. To at least give them the chance to live the time they have fully. They might not live forever physically, but they'll live forever because you remember them." Angel stopped, thankful he didn't have to breathe.
Spike sighed behind him and hugged Angel tighter to his chest. "That was bloody beautiful Peaches... didn't know you were the speech type."
Angel smirked. "There's a lot of things you don't know about me."
"I sure can believe that. And you were right... gotta protect them, cause at least it gives 'em a chance. Now... how 'bout we get some sleep? Sun's almost up and the nibblet's gonna be here early."
"Yeah." Angel replied, closing his eyes. Both vampires were slowly lulled to sleep by the mixed sound of Xander's heartbeat and Angel's purrs.
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