Living ArrangementsBy Taltos
Chapter Thirteen
I pick up his scent before I'm fully in the door. He's here. Which can only mean Willow was unsuccessful in getting him to go out and he's expecting me.
I flip the switch to turn on the living room light and walk through, not stopping to acknowledge him. Stopping briefly in what was once my room I grab a duffle bag. I'm kept from entering our bedroom by Xander's frame in the doorway.
I can feel the anger and energy pent up beneath his skin. He's practically vibrating with it.
"Xander-"
"I want to know why."
I drop the bag and pace away from him.
"I told you why, I'm selfish."
"Bullshit. You knew I'd hate you. Why?"
"What would you have done? Don't stand there and tell me that if it had me, lying there, bleeding out you wouldn't have opened a vein for me. I love you for Christ's sake. I'd rather have you hate me than not have you at all. For the last time, I'm selfish."
"God, Spike, we talked about this. You promised. You looked me in the eye and promised me, never."
The look of hurt and betrayal in his eyes almost brings me to my knees. How I'm going to live without him is still a mystery. Today's lack of sleep is still mocking me. How long until I can sleep alone again? How long before I stop reaching for him in the short moments sleep does find me? How long until the full body ache of needing him is lessened?
"They need you. All three of them. Almost as much-"
I cut off the thought and the words I know he doesn't want. I grab the bag from the floor and push past him. Throwing clothes haphazardly into the bag I struggle to shut off my senses. I can smell us. Everywhere, the scent of us, together. Sweat. Sex. Heat. Need. Bloody Hell it's going to smother me. Yanking the zipper closed, I take a last deep breath and savor the scent for just a second before leaving the room.
He says nothing as I cross the room. Stopping at the door I turn to him.
"I'm sorry, for what its worth. I'll send the girls to get the rest."
His hushed voice reaches me before I'm out the door.
"You said there were things I needed to know. You were right. I need to know why I'm suddenly angry with Willow and why Buffy almost sends me into a rage. And I need to know why...why I need you so much it's almost crippling."
Closing the door I drop the bag and turn to him.
"I'm your Sire."
"Yeah, that's a great help."
"Let me bloody well finish will you. It's the blood. My blood, inside you, burning through you."
His eyes close briefly and a sharp wave of his arousal hits me.
"Will it stop?"
"Never completely. I can still feel Angelus, but it's not strong. Hasn't been that strong since the first night after he...he took me."
"I thought Dru was your Sire?"
"Couldn't finish the job. Loony, ya know."
He smiles a bit until he suddenly realizes he shouldn't be. I watch him fight for control. His need for me warring with his need to hold onto the anger. The anger wins.
"How long before it stops."
"Don't exactly know. Not without..."
I leave the sentence hanging, wanting him to draw his own conclusions. Part of me prays he doesn't take the option. I can't touch him and walk away.
"So, if we...it'll stop."
"Mostly. It'll still be there, but not like it is now. Not the heat and need that feels like it's tearing you apart."
Before the words are completely out I'm up against the wall. Xander's long body pressed against mine; his nose buried in my neck drawing deep breaths. My hands clutch his back pulling him closer. It's only been forty-eight hours but it has felt like a lifetime.
"God, Spike. I need you. I hate you, but I need you so much it's killing me."
The words slice my heart. I know the need he feels all too well. I know it's not love that makes him need me now. It's the blood. The blood is the only reason he's in my arms now. His body shakes as my hands caresses his back.
The low purring in the back of his throat tells me all I need to know. I walk him backwards to the bed. I send our clothes flying in every direction. His hands are everywhere, drawing me down to him. Our mouths clash, teeth clanging, lips splitting and spilling blood.
Xander's tongue works its way into my mouth pulling my spilled blood back into his. I take both his hands in one of mine and pull them over his head. If this is going to be the last time, I'm going to savor it.
Steadying him with my body, I try to slow him down. Growling in the back of his throat his eyes flash gold.
"Hard. Fast. Rough. Now."
"Shhh, luv, calm down."
"Don't call me that. Just...just fuck me, now. Just make it stop."
I feel the tears sting my eyes. Forcing them back I let my face shift and place my fangs against his neck. A warning growl issues from my throat. I'm the Sire here. I decide how it's going to be. He stills under me, his demon acknowledging the warning for what it is.
I shift his legs apart and settle between them. My tongue replaces my teeth as I shift back to human. Long teasing strokes of my tongue along his neck have him arching into me. His hips shift against me. A harsh moan escapes him as I tug his earlobe into my mouth.
Kissing along his jaw I stop to suck his bottom lip into my mouth. I feel his rumble of approval vibrate against my chest as he groans into my mouth. Slipping my tongue along his, I map out his mouth. As my tongue sweeps along his concealed canines his hips surge against mine.
I can't help the moan that slides from my mouth. Christ how I love him. Love the way he responds to me. Love the way his body moves against mine. Love the way he tastes.
Sliding lower I lick across his chest, taking first one nipple, then the other into my mouth. Wet broad strokes followed by sharp bites that have him writhing under me. Moaning and panting interspersed with pleading is my encouragement. His body has been my canvas for many months and I know exactly where to touch and how hard.
The blunt head of his cock nudges my chin as I slip further down the bed between his legs. Burying my nose in the coarse dark curls framing his erection I inhale deeply. The scent of his arousal, so sharp here, sends hot need churning through me. His mind may deny what I mean to him, but his body is only too willing to remember.
In on swift move I drop on him, pulling him deeply to the back of my throat. I swallow several times before slowly sliding him out, my teeth raking every inch of his cock until I hold only the head in my mouth. Applying hard suction I tongue the slit collecting drops of pre-cum.
"Oh, Fuck, Spike."
His hands tangle in my hair holding my head steady as he thrusts into my mouth. My right hand slides down past his balls stroking his perineum briefly before slowly circling his hole with my thumb. His body thrashes wildly above me as I let the tip of my thumb slide into him.
"Yes. More. God, Spike, more."
He whimpers as I pull my mouth and hands from his body. Fumbling in the bedside drawer I find the lube and pop the cap. After coating my fingers, I circle his entrance once again. Slipping my first finger all the way in, I watch with hunger as he tries to pull me deeper. Inserting a second and then a third finger I prepare him quickly stroking his prostate softly.
Positioning myself between his spread legs I push his legs up and back. Sliding home in one smooth thrust, I shudder at the feel of him surrounding me. There's less heat now, no more of the blinding warmth surrounding me like before. But just as good. Tight clenching muscles pull me deeper.
I want to do this slowly. I want to cherish this experience, which may be the last, but the draw of his body is too tempting. His response to me is too exciting. My hips piston quickly, finding the right angle to stoke his prostrate continually.
"Touch me. Please, Spike, please."
Bracing myself with one arm I let my hand slip between our bodies. Stroking him in counter to my hips I watch his body shiver. I feel his body tighten as his orgasm approaches. I lower my head to capture his lips. The kiss, almost chaste, brings the tears back. I rest my check against his and clear my mind focusing on the pleasure of being with him.
"I love you, Xander. Always."
I feel his body arch under mine as a broken cry escapes his lips. All too soon he's coating my hand with cool wetness. The clenching of his muscles pulls me under. Pleasure floods my body as I follow him over the edge.
Within seconds I feel him pushing me from him. Pulling back from his body I sit on my heels watching him as his eyes open.
"Get out."
I don't bother to hide the tears or the pain from his gaze.
"Xander..."
"I said get out."
I feel my heart shatter as he turns from me and stumbles to the bathroom. The flaring hope I had harbored disintegrating. The sound of the shower can't quite hide his sobs and I curse the God that gave him to me and then took him away. I've paid my debt God Damn it. I've been fighting the good fight for years don't I deserve a break? Doesn't Xander?
After pulling my clothes on I grab my bag and head for the door once again. Stopping in the living room I grab the picture of Xander, Willow, Buffy and Dawn from the top of the entertainment center.
At the phone on the corner next to Xander's building, I dial a number from memory I should have long ago forgotten.
I only have three words for the gruff voice on the other end.
"I'm coming home."