Living Arrangements

By Taltos

Chapter Fourteen

///A/N: Hey look, it's a different POV. Angel's, that is.///

I put the receiver back in the cradle and look at the clock. He's hurting and it's not something I know just from the tone of his voice. I know because he's coming home to me. We share blood and I can feel his pain. In the past one hundred years we have shared little else other than pain. For him to come to me means he has given up.

Part of me rages that my favored Childe aches. Another part of me knows he asked for it. But I'll not turn him away. William was more human than the others. Held his humanity close to him until the day I finally succeeded in beating it out of him. I wince at the memory of his lessons learned by my hand.

I'll take him in now. Comfort him and then push him back into the fight. I won't allow him to give up so easily. I won't allow him to give up his love as I gave up mine. I don't think of Buffy now, I think of William, as he was, after he was turned. In the early days he looked upon me as a God and I more often than not treated him like a rodent.

But I loved him and I was foolish. I saw my desperate need for him as a weakness. I know now that it was a strength. I know now that the outcome of our relationship could have been different.

I close my eyes and relax in the chair as I wait for him. He'll be here sooner that he should. I know my boy and he'll all but break the sound barrier to return to the shelter of my arms.

* * * * * * * *

I feel a hand on my shoulder and realize I must have fallen asleep. Looking up I see haunted blue eyes staring back at me.

"Sire."

His voice breaks with the word. Unable to stop his tears, he turns away from me, embarrassed that he'll seem weak. I rise and come to a stop in front of him.

"William."

At the sound of his given name he slides into my arms. My chest catches his sobs and his tears. Soon they lessen and all that is left are brief sniffling hiccups. Pulling back from me, he searches for his cigarettes. I briefly debate telling him this is a non-smoking hotel. I decided against it.

"Wasn't sure you'd let me come."

"Whatever else is between us, you are still my Childe."

"I've really fucked it up this time, Angelus."

I hear the pain and sadness in his voice and I ache for him. I can't stand to see him this desolate.

"Tell me."

"Xander and I...we..."

"I know. Willow and Cordelia talk often. I know of your relationship with the boy."

"He was dying. Right there in front of me. I...I couldn't let him go. I turned him, then I had Red curse him. Altered the clause of course. He hates me. Can't say as I blame him, but it...it hurts, Sire, so much."

For several minutes I'm speechless. I had known of the relationship. The rest was news to me. How can I help him understand the devastation Xander must be feeling? How can I lead him back to those first new days of his re-awaking, when he raged against me and all that I was. Can I even help him? Does he even want my help? Do I want to send him away again?

"You're not fighting for him?"

"He's made it perfectly clear how he feels. Told me to get out. What's left?"

I can't help but smile. His memory must be faulty.

"How many times did I tell you the same thing? How many times did I physically remove you?"

"Bit different this time. He actually means it. What do I do without him?"

"If you love him as much as I think you do, you turn around, go back and fight for him."

His eyes tell me all I need to know.

"Fight harder. Fight dirty if you have to, but do not let this go. Do no make the same mistakes I did."

His eyes soften as he watches me.

"You did what was best for her."

"I'm not speaking of Buffy, William. I'm speaking of us. When I came back, after the soul, I didn't fight for you, for us. I should have and I have regretted every day, that I did not."

I hear his small gasp of shock as his eyes go wide. I've not spoken of my feeling for him in ages and it's clear that he thinks I had forgotten. He comes closer, his hand rising to cup my check. Although I know I shouldn't, I lean into his touch.

I've missed him so deeply. Every part of me cries out for him. But it is not to be. His heart now belongs to another and I can't in my selfishness take that from him or the boy. He needs my help in re-claiming Xander.

I'm startled when I feel his lips against mine. Again I know I shouldn't, but I allow his tongue to caress mine. His hands slip into my hair as he fuses our mouths together. As his body molds to mine I gasp at the feel of him against me.

My hands circle his waist riding low on his back, my fingers sliding down to grasp his ass and pull him closer to me. I moan as his body arches into me, his lips pulling from mine as he bares his throat to me. His submission nearly sends me crashing to the floor.

I step back from him quickly. This cannot happen. His eyes spring open.

"You don't want me."

I smile at him gently.

"I've never stopped, but I'll not have a pissed off Xander Harris gracing my doorstep because I've touched his mate."

His pain filled eyes stare at me and I feel my resolve weakening.

"Please, Angel. I need you, Sire. Please."

"Will-"

He's on me before I can finish and we're tumbling back onto the bed. This is wrong for so many reasons but I can't deny him. I never could. He wants me to make the pain go away.

His hands claw at my clothing. I hear fabric tear and in the haze of desire I can't tell if it is his or mine. All I know is that suddenly I am skin to skin with my beautiful boy.

I feel him rise over me and with sudden clarity I realize he's unprepared. Before I can even think to move away he's impaled himself completely. I hear his hiss of pain as he tears. My hands grasp his hips firmly stilling his movements.

I wait for him to adjust, wait for the pain to subside before I allow him to move. Suddenly he's sliding against me and all I can do is lie back and watch him as he moves on me. My God he's still so tight. I feel waves of pleasure course through me with each thrust.

My hand reaches for him. I allow his pre-cum to lubricate my hand as I stroke him. His head goes back on a deep moan as I scrape my thumbnail over the weeping slit. Faster now and he's getting close. I won't last as long as he.

I feel my orgasm starting in the center of my back tingling up my spine. My balls tighten and without warning I'm exploding into him. My fist tightens around him and my hips pump up into him faster.

He leans forward the slightest bit and from the look on his face I know the changed angle is putting pressure on his prostrate. With a final strangled cry of Xander's name he pulses over my hand and collapses with wracking sobs against my chest.

I stroke his hair until his cries taper off and he falls into sleep. Gently settling him next to me I curl around his body providing him shelter and comfort. My heart breaks at the sight of his tear streaked face.

After several hours of watching him continually reach for someone who is not there I extract myself from the bed. Going to the lobby I glance at the clock; realizing the early hour, I hope Buffy will forgive me for calling.

"'lo."

"Buffy."

"Angel. What's wrong? Is everything okay?"

"Spike is here."

"Is he...how is he?"

"Not good. I'm bringing him home tonight. He says he has nothing left to fight for, but I can't believe that. I've never seen them together but if his pain is any indication of what they shared then he has to fight for it."

I hear her wistful sigh before she begins.

"They were happy, Angel. I've never seen Xander like that. Spike was everything to him. I...I could have stopped Spike from turning him, but I didn't. I just couldn't. I'm the last person I'd ever thought would say this, but Spike was good for him. I don't know what to do. They're both so lost and Xander is so angry with all of us. Something happened last night, Xander called here for Willow in tears. She wasn't here and he wouldn't tell me anything. Angel, I don't know if you should bring him home. Maybe give Xander a little time."

"Buffy I don't..."

How do I explain to her that I don't know if I can keep him here? How do I tell her that I don't know if I can keep my hands to myself? How do I tell here there's nothing more in the world I want than to keep him by my side for eternity even thought I'm not who he really wants.

"Angel, Spike...explained some things and well, have you...did Spike...I mean are you two..."

"Buffy, don't. I can't talk to you about that. I'm not sure I can keep him here and keep him safe."

"You can, I trust you."

"I don't know if I trust myself."

"Oh, Angel. You love him?"

How do I answer that? Love. A four-letter word that doesn't do justice to what I feel for William.

"I think maybe he needs you more than he needs Xander right now."

"Don't. Don't give me permission, Buffy. It's the last thing I need."

"I just think-"

"I'll see what I can do. I know he'll stay if I ask him, but...I'll keep in contact. I'm sorry I woke you."

I don't wait for her answer before I hang up the phone. I can hear Spike moving around upstairs and I don't want him to know I was discussing him with Buffy. I watch him as he moves shirtless down the stairs. Good God he is perfection.

A small smile graces his lips as he comes to stand in front of me. When his mouth seeks mine I turn my head away. I see the brief flash of hurt before his eyes spark with anger.

"Bloody Hell, Angelus, don't do this to me. I came here, home to you, because I need you. Don't turn me away."

"You need me, but you don't want me."

"If I didn't want you I wouldn't have taken you into my body. I wouldn't have started it in the first place."

"Whose name, William. Whose name was it?"

I see recognition spark in his eyes followed closely by regret and remorse.

"I'm sorry. I..."

He stops as Wesley comes through the front door. As Xander is William's human weakness Wesley is mine. I cherish him in silence. His strength, his beauty calls to me. Will watches me closely as I greet Wes.

"Good Lord what is he doing here."

"He's come to stay for a while."

I see the questions in his eyes and I shake my head once. I'll explain all to him later, now is not the time. I'm glad that Wes has returned to the fold. I was afraid he would never forgive me for what I had done. Time has taken most of our pain away and allowed the comfortable friendship we had once shared to return.

Once Wes is settled in his office I follow Spike upstairs.

"'sfunny, you know. How you tell me to fight for what I want, but you don't take your own advice."

"What are you talking about?"

I know damn well what he's talking about and I'm not having it.

"You and the watcher. Bloody obvious you want him. Wants you just the same. Neither one of you man enough to go after it."

"That's enough. You leave Wesley out of this." My voice softens before continuing. "You can stay here, I want you here. But I'm not taking you to bed again. Not while you're somewhere else."

I turn from him and close the door behind me. I want him too much for him to wish I was someone else. Maybe there is a part of me that doesn't want him to want me. Maybe there is part of me that wants him to be someone else too. Maybe it's time we both let go.

While on the return to Wesley I try to think of a way to help Spike understand Xander and what he needs now that he is something other than human.

Continue