Deeper Than BonesSometimes, Buffy would find herself staring at the wall like it could speak its secrets to her. Everything else in this stupid world was possible, so why not that? If maybe she held her ear close enough, she could hear it whispering about Cordelia Chase when she was at her unguarded moment. If that existed any more. The Queen of Mean walked around like someone had wrapped her up and ice. Even the Cordettes that had come crawling back to her after she proved Xander and her were O-V-E-R by humiliating him in the middle of PE class by commenting that he wasn’t wearing a jock strap, but it appeared he didn’t need one, were stung by it.
Only two people knew why. Buffy and Cordelia.
It had been an entire week since they had spoken. There had been not a single smart remark toward each other, or a shared look that only an enemy or a love would understand.
Buffy had been unable to get over the lash of rejection; Cordelia burned by the heat of playing with fire, couldn’t understand Buffy’s motives. So their relationship, as it was, was at a stand still. Or maybe a draw would be more appropriate.
Occasionally, Willow would get worried. She would look at Buffy in that Willow-y way, with concern and care.
“Are you okay?” She would ask, mouth drawn down, lines marring the smooth skin of her forehead. Buffy would draw her gaze from wherever it was wandering to… which was usually toward Cordelia if she was in the room and out the window if she was not. “You seem… well, like the world just ended and you didn’t stop it.”
Buffy would sigh, rub a tired hand over the back of her neck.
“Nah,” she’d say. “Maybe just a little piece of it.”
And if maybe it hurt; if maybe it throbbed somewhere inside, like they’d lost a chance at something that could have been good… well, they tried not to dwell on it.
After all, it wasn’t that hard. Really.
* * *
Cordelia’s feet dragged along the cement as she left the school. She hoped like hell no one noticed. She hadn’t been sleeping well, so she wasn’t exactly able to NOT feel like road kill at the moment. Each morning, she would have to add twice the amount of concealer to hide the dark circles beneath her eyes.
She’d been wearing sharp suits made of tweed. Within the week, hundreds of girls had run out and bought similar out fits. Usually, this would have made her cackle in delight… but then.. just then? It made her disgusted. Was everyone a sheep? She was starting to think so.
Cordelia reached her jeep and took the keys out from her gray silk purse that matched her heels and unlocked the door. It made an automatic click. For a moment, Cordelia lifted her face to the sun where it slid in and out of the clouds like something worth fucking. Frowning, she opened her car door. She was about to step by when a small hand wrapped around her forearm.
Cordelia knew immediately that it wasn’t Buffy.
Turning she found Willow staring at her with purpose and a little apprehension. She wore a cute little hat that Cordelia, however reluctant, had to admit was a good fashion choice. What WAS the world coming to?
“Uh.. hands?” Cordelia jerked out of Willow’s light grip and the red head pressed her lips together, backing a step away.
“I need to talk to you.” Willow said, looking as tired as Cordelia felt.
“Talk?” Cordelia smirked. “We don’t talk, so if you’d…” The look on Willow’s face said she wasn’t going ANYWHERE until she’d spoken. “Okay, fine. What do you want? I thought we’d gotten the whole not friends because you stole my boyfriend, thing?”
Willow swallowed and looked down at her Keds sneakers. Cordelia’s eyes followed and she smirked… just a little.
“T-that’s what I want to talk to you about.” Then suddenly Willow’s gaze locked with hers and Cordelia glimpsed an iron back bone that Willow was only beginning to discover. “And I didn’t steal him.” A small smile. “I just - borrowed him for a little while.”
Oh my, was this respect rising in Cordelia chase for Willow Rosenburg? Couldn’t be.
“How nice for you.” The brunette retorted with a sharp smile. “Enjoy the little test drive?”
“I know I’ve already apologized.” Willow replied as if she hadn’t heart Cordelia’s comment. “But for good measure, I wanted to again. Xander… well, if you’d have him, he’d go back with you in a heart beat.”
One thought: Buffy. Cordelia shook it from her brain.
“Xander’s a horny toad. You can keep him.” Then she tossed her hair over her shoulder and gave Willow the once over. “Though I think you can do better. A little.”
Willow’s eyes widened, pleasantly surprised. “Oh c’mon, don’t let it go to your head.” But when Willow just kept smiling like an idiot, Cordelia gave a sigh that was as heart felt as ever. “Geeze, that was like - half a compliment. Not even a good one. Stop smiling. You’ll ruin my reputation.”
Willow gave a short chuckle that she caught off and tried her best to look severely bitch slapped.
“Better?” Cordelia nodded. “Good. It’s so weird. You and Buffy have been acting so mopey lately, it’s as if their some pouty virus that is spreading around or something.” At the mention of Buffy, Cordelia’s stomach hopped, shimmied and a lot of other not good things. “But Buffy seems to be getting over it, so maybe you will too, huh?”
Of course Buffy was getting over it; Buffy didn’t give a damn about her. Something rose in Cordelia’s throat, lodged there, as thick as her heart. “I do have a question for you though.” Willow asked hesitantly, drawing Cordelia’s attention back to her.
“What now?” If there was a little bite to her voice, it couldn’t be helped. The day seemed much, much darker.
“Are you still in love with Xander?” Willow questioned so seriously that a bubble of hysteria popped inside Cordelia’s stomach and suddenly she was laughing; laughing so hard that her whole body shook with it beneath that expensive Donna Karen suit with the straight, in style lines of the season.
“Love!” Cordelia croaked while Willow watched her in utter confusion, eyebrows drawn together. “Love is just another damn word for getting fucked over!”
Her own voice filled her ears. Those very words nipped at her ears like little ankle biters. Something tickled her brain, heart and belly and suddenly she knew with startling clarity that sent her body into shivers of dread…
Cordelia Chase was in love with Buffy Summers. How fucking quaint.
Willow stared in horror as Cordelia’s laughs turned into sobs and she covered her face to hide the tears that suddenly burned a viscous path down her cheeks. “No.” Cordelia whispered. “Oh please, please no.” But it was true and it was like being knocked down a flight of stares while wearing spiked heels that cut into your toes.
Cordelia sunk into the driver’s seat of her jeep, choking on her own cruel tongue. A crowd began to gather around even though Willow, forever thoughtful even to CORDELIA, tried to make them get lost. The show as just too damn good though and they stood their gawking as Cordelia kicked her feet, shoes flying off. The days was suddenly THE DAY for many, many people as they watched Queen C fall from her throne.
Minutes, seconds later, but not quick enough, Cordelia jerked her head up, mascara smeared. Seeing the crowd, her face paled to a deathly shade and all she could think was: Get out, get out NOW! She pulled her legs inside the vehicle and slammed the door shut behind her. Putting the keys into the ignition with shaky fingers, Cordelia wiped her face with the back of her hand to clear her vision and started the car.
People scurried to get out of the way as she revved the engine and pressed her bare foot press down on the gas pedal. Her tires squealed as she jolted out from ‘her’ parking space and out onto the road, going much faster than any sane person would.
Willow’s mouth was left hanging open and she thought it was something she had said. The people around her were half grinning, even Harmony who was a card carrying member of the Cordette’s had a self-satisfied look on her face. After all, she was back in the shining light again. The Cordette’s gathered around her and now they were the Harmonized ones. For sure.
Out of everyone, only one person’s expression remained blank, devoid of emotion. Buffy stood at the stairs just outside the school, hair pulled back into a blunt braid, small tendrils escaping and feathering around her face. Her hand gripped the rusty railing at her side with unearthly force. Her hold left impressions in the shape of her hand into the metal as her knuckles turned white.
A small sound worked itself up insider her throat, so quiet, so painful, it made it difficult for her to breathe. If anyone was to look at her, they would see a short, skinny blonde girl with a stiff body, bland face and eyes that other worldly intensity.
And an ivory anklet on her left ankle; gleaming in the sun.
* * *
“Did you see that?” Willow asked Buffy later, too shocked to notice the paralyzed look on her friends face. “Cordelia LOST it. Are we in an alternate universe again and you just haven’t told me? I mean, you would tell me right? Cause I feel like we’re in an alternate universe.”
Buffy made a sound that passed for laughing and bared her teeth at Willow’s sweet smile.
“I’d tell ya Will.” They sat on the lawn of the school, beneath the big Oak tree, waiting for Xander and Oz to come out of the school doors. They were probably arguing again, or with Oz it was more like a silent stare that said ‘get the fuck away from my mate.’ With Xander it was: ‘Mate? Eee, don’t bite. Will’s my best friend. She was mine first.’ The sky showed how hot it was with the orange streaky clouds. Buffy felt her t-shirt sticking beneath her underarms, but couldn’t bring herself to care. There were… other things. “Cross my heart, hope to die.”
She pressed her fingers to her chest, about to make the universal signal… but her fingers just rested there, pressed up against the ache.
It was closing in on dusk when she felt she could stop holding her breath. That was mostly because her mother looked tired and irritated and Buffy didn’t want to chance making her angry by not eating. It wasn’t like she, the slayer that she was, could show up to dinner very often, so she was determined to make it nice. Joyce eyed her daughter with a knowing gleam in her eye, but it was a happy gleam, so all was well. At least in family relations.
“How was school?” Joyce asked, forking up a piece of lettuce, sprinkled liberally with Italian dressing, into her mouth. Buffy swallowed a chunk of tomato.
“School-y and test-y. I had my chemistry test today.” Joyce raised her eyebrows, waiting for Buffy to go on. “Well… it was a test. Ya know. And I think I did okay.”
“That’s good honey.” Joyce smiled. “How are Xander and Willow? Is their friendship still rocky?”
“Not so much. Just a little on the turbulent side. Mostly on Xander’s part. He’s not quite over their.. uh.. close encounter and god, that is SO not something I want to be thinking about.”
Joyce laughed and for a split second, Buffy wondered what Cordelia’s mother was like. It was strange and she was worried enough already, so she shook the wonder off. She’d call Cordelia later and put an end to this nonsense. They wanted each other, really, what could be more simple?
Dark swallowed Sunnydale whole as it always did and the creature’s came out to play. Buffy did her job as she always did, only nicking her fists from knocking out a particularly big vampire and landing a knuckle on his tooth. She wrapped her hand in ice when she got back home and stood staring at the phone with and indecisive expression.
It was getting late, but she still wanted to talk to her.
Making the decision, Buffy reached for the phone and discarded the ice. She stood tapping her fingers against the counter as the line rung. Once. Twice. Three -
“Hel’o’?” A slurred feminine voice said into the phone. Buffy winced but tried to sound polite.
“Hi Mrs. Chase, is Cordelia in?” Buffy heard a derisive snort then more slurring.
“Tha’ slut? She ‘es whor’ng at the clu’.” Buffy tried to make out the words, but it proved to be a little more than difficult.
“Uh - at the what?”
“Clu’!” Cordelia’s mother growled. “She ‘es spweading dose leg’ of her’ for the clu’ tonight.”
“Maybe you should go to a therapist Mrs. Chase.” Buffy said coldy into the receiver. “Maybe you would stop screwing up your child’s life.” Then she slammed the phone back onto the hook and stared at it as if it might jump out and attack her.
She knew the answer to her earlier question at least.
Mrs. Chase was a bitch. And a cold-hearted one at that.
* * *
The Bronze was packed with its usual clientele as Buffy pushed her way through the crowd. She was glad to see that none of the group was there yet and she could look for Cordelia without having to stop and pacify her friends. Maybe it was selfish, but… She never finished the thought.
No looking had to be done.
Cordelia held the floor tonight, much as she had in the high school parking lot. Buffy’s eyes traveled over the sight before her. She was wearing a short skirt of purple leather that left all that long leg free for the eyes to feast on, and a black tank top that clung to the dip of her waist and showed off those toned, muscular arms that glittered silver in the light from iridescent powder.
Buffy’s mouth decided this was as good time as any to start watering.
Cordelia was dancing like her heart was breaking; lithe muscles clenching and releasing as she threw her head back and swung her hips to the jazz band. The crowd watched her again, mostly at a loss of what had suddenly made her go wild. Mostly enjoying the show much as they had earlier, only with a slight sexual twist to it.
To want…
Cordelia circled on the floor, gyrating her pelvis and lifting her arms in the air. There was something earthy and untouchable about her, something purely feline about the edge of her glossy lips and closed eyes. They lights twisted and twined around her, setting off flares of lights from her glowing skin.
But Buffy didn’t find her untouchable now. In fact, she was drawn by the power of her, drawn onto the floor and closer to Cordelia’s body. Already itching in her red leather pants, Buffy stalked her prey. The room could have went silent when Buffy gripped Cordelia by the waist and pressed her breasts up against her back and neither of them would have noticed.
Cordelia inhaled sharply at the contact, heart skipping a very important beat. She stood stock still for a moment as Buffy’s breath bathed the nape of her neck. Oh god. And then Buffy was moving and Cordelia found that she had no choice but to sway with her, rocking her hips back into the shorter woman, who slid around to the front of her body and pressed their mouths together in a heated kiss that rocked the room.
Harmony stared from beneath the stairs; her mouth was wide, wide open and to be honest, the scene before her made her a little hot. It didn’t make any sense though. Buffy and Cordelia hated each other. It was a known fact and something most people counted on as much as the sun rising and the moon following the same cycle every month.
Buffy’s hands traveled up Cordelia’s long back and tangled into her thick, curled hair as they kissed violently, the tongues too long deprived. Cordelia’s fingers grabbed onto Buffy’s ass through the pants and squeezed her closer. Dragging crotch into crotch as their thighs spread and accommodated the other until Buffy was pretty much riding the firm length of Cordelia’s bare leg.
They didn’t give a shit WHO was watching.
“What’s your angle?” Cordelia demanded, face taut as they broke their forceful kiss. “What the hell do you want from me?” Buffy pulled away and watched as the woman before her quickly grabbed onto her hands and dragged their bodies back together. “Tell me dammit! Tell me why you’re doing this to me. You OWE me that!”
Buffy pressed her breasts forward and flayed Cordelia’s heart right open, saw straight to the core.
“I have no angle. I wonder what kind of love you’ve had, if you think there has to be one.”
The band played a different song; a slower beat, as softer tone and voice filled the air around them. Cordelia almost smiles but the music drags her under and into Buffy’s eyes and lips as they danced.
There were no more words but for the whispers of rising lust.
* * *
Three A.M. is hungry and open as they stumble out of the club and into Cordelia’s jeep. They’re not drunk, but ready for more of each other. Buffy’s teeth latched onto Cordelia’s ear lobe and they both gasped for air when the cheerleader backed up out of the parking space and Buffy leaned over, cupping one heavy breast in her greedy hand.
That hand pressed and molded, heating the skin to an unbearable level.
It went deeper than the skin; deeper than the bone, when Buffy whispered things into Cordelia’s ear and slipped her palm up that smooth thigh. Into the velvet folds that were soaked from hours of arousal, dripping with need.
Cordelia groaned at the sensation of finally feeling full with Buffy’s fingers as they pushed up and inside, circling, jabbing, doing it all the right way. No way could her own hands compare. Not even the hands of her fantasy lover could hold a candle to the way Buffy’s tongue swirled around her clavicle and her fingers pinched her clit.
“Fuck…” Cordelia muttered, foot slipping on the breaks at a stop light when Buffy gave a rough thrust of three fingers, filling her to the point of pain. “God, you’re gonna kill us!” But it sounded like a plea for more, so Buffy gave and gave and gave until her arm cramped up in that good way, because she KNEW what was gonna come from it. Cum being the operative word.
They sped along the highway, chancing it as the lust spiraled up inside Cordelia to a level that forced her teeth together and a grunt from her lips. Then she was cumming and the world was like a dam breaking open and pouring across the long stretch of straight road. Thank god for that, they might have thought if they’re mind was anywhere else besides on what was between Cordelia’s thighs, because the brunette tossed her head to the side. Her hair blanketed her face then whipped back in the wind as she let out a mighty shudder and groaned like a thing dying and loving it.
Deeper, deeper.
“Yeah.” One of them said it. But neither gave a damn because the smell of sex permeated the air, weighed it down with moisture and Buffy’s upper lip tasted so good, like salt and Cordelia just kept on licking it, even as the orgasm subsided and the world was right again.
They hadn’t driven off the road. But they might as well have; Cordelia had felt like she was flying through the dark, the stars begging her to have Buffy’s fingers in them too.
Buffy gave a laugh and licked her fingers clean, like a cat might.
Together, they said: “Let’s go faster.”
* * *
“You’re wearing my anklet,” Cordelia whispered as her fingers trailed up to the back of Buffy’s knee, right where it was soft and untouched. They lay on Buffy’s bed, the incents burning apple-cinnamon into the room. It tickled Cordelia’s nostrils, but her mouth was too busy on her lover’s flat stomach to mind.
“I know,” Buffy whimpered, drawing her leg up higher, a wicked glitter in her eye and from her teeth. “I wanted a part of you.”
The admission stopped Cordelia for a second, but then she leaned down and pressed her cheek into Buffy’s stomach.
“Buffy…” Her voice was starts and stops and shaking all over the charts, but she got the words out. “You do. A little.” And that was a declaration coming from her, so Buffy ran her fingers through Cordelia’s hair and sighed toward the ceiling. Feeling the words or the meaning behind the, circle her clit as surely as Cordelia’s tongue.
* * *
The sky was turning blue and the birds were chirping when Cordelia opened her eyes, stretching her hands up toward the wall and giving one of those all-over yawn that jiggled your whole body. She covered her mouth, then glanced over where Buffy had lain short minutes before. She was gone, in her place, a note.
Cordelia lifted it and rolled into the beams of coming day light so she could read what had been written.
‘Cordy,’ it said. ‘I’m out for a run. I’ll see you at school. Meet me at 5PM in the girl’s locker room.’
Cordelia grinned and stepped out of Buffy’s bed naked. Tired sure, but nothing about her was weary. Happy right down to her bones; deeper. Last night echoed in her eye. She felt pleasantly warm all over as she stepped toward the window and peeked out. Buffy was stretching her legs, pumping up for the exercise. Buffy looked up at her, grinning with her breath visible in the morning air. Then she was off, running out onto the sidewalk and away with her ponytail bouncing along with her.
Cordelia grabbed her clothes and then curiously, wondered if she could shimmy down the side of the house.
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