More Crumpets?By Aristotle Freud
Playing HouseXander insisted on holding the video camera. It was only right, he claimed, that the one person who had been on the receiving end of most of Spike’s “whelp” comments be the one to catch his moment of shame on video. Unfortunately, by the time they returned to the crypt, Spike was no longer engaging in a tea party.
The vampire had an apron tied around his waist and was talking to the stuffed animals in a slightly effeminate voice.
“Now, Percy,” he said. “What has Momma Spike told you about fighting with your sister?” The Scoobies exchanged incredulous looks. Momma Spike? Xander started recording.
“Sorry Spike,” Percy said. “You are such a pillar of home-makery goodness, a right family man, and I feel ashamed by your proper scolding. I just was trying to tell Kammie that I don’t understand why the slayer doesn’t see what a fine man you are.”
“Why thank you, Percy,” Spike replied. “Now be a good baby and watch your sister while I fix supper.”
“Momma Spike!” Spike said in his high pitched Koala voice.
“Yes Kammie?” he replied, wiping imaginary grease from his hands onto his apron and bending down to talk to the stuffed Koala bear. Buffy and Dawn laughed so hard that the pressure to laugh silently forced them to the ground.
“Why doesn’t Buffy want to be part of our family?” Spike made the Koala sound particularly sad.
“I don’t know, pet,” Spike replied. “Now who wants cookies?”
“I do,” Anya said. Xander slapped one hand over her mouth while still holding the video camera with the other.
Spike looked around suspiciously but settled back down into his pretend world.
“Oh we do love your cookies, Momma Spike!” the penguin said. Spike smiled at him benevolently.
“Of course you do,” he replied. “Everyone loves the Big Bad’s cookies.”