No One's Perfect
Xander rolled out of bed, and dragged himself to the bathroom. He'd been awake since the sun had come up. He'd been tossing and turning, thinking about Andrew for what had felt like hours. But it wasn't all for naught; through all his thinking Xander had figured out a few things. Firstly, he was okay with not being entirely straight anymore. Trying to ignore or deny it wasn't working, so Xander figured he might as well just give in and go with it. Secondly, he had a serious crush on Andrew. Xander had tried ignoring it, and had almost succeeded.... but said crush seemed to enjoy manifesting itself at groin level, and Xander wasn't sure if it was possible to keep ignoring *that*. ~Honestly~, Xander thought, ~I thought I'd grown out of... horny teenager-dom~. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, "It's your own fault," he mumbled at himself, "You just have stop thinking about him in... compromising situations..." Xander frowned, ~But I don't wanna stop thinking about him in compromising situations!~ He grabbed a towel and turned on the shower, "Why are all the best situations compromising ones?" Sulking, Xander shrugged off his pyjamas and stepped into the shower. He leaned under the hot stream of water and closed his eyes, letting his mind- and his hands- wander. Suddenly, Xander was roused from his fantasies by a loud thumping. Some one was knocking on the door. Xander groaned and shut off the water, ~Damn...~, he thought, ~Maybe if Ignore them they'll go away...~. The knocking came again, louder now without the sound of the shower to drown it out. ~Wait a minute~, Xander thought, ~That sounded a lot closer than the front door~. "Who's there?" he demanded, apprehensively. Xander heard the bathroom door open, and panicking, he leapt out of the shower. In his haste, Xander completely forgot about the shower curtain. The plastic curtain tangling around him, Xander fell and landed in a heap on the bathroom floor. He had fallen facing away from the door, and when he tried to turn his head to see the intruder a sharp pain shot from his shoulder up his neck. "Ow!" he cried out angrily, "Who are you and what do you want?!"There was a feminine gasp, the sound of someone rushing towards him, and then Anya's voice in Xander's ear. "Xander?" she said, "It's me... Anya."
"Anya?" Xander asked testily, "You scared me half to death, what are you doing?"
Anya frowned at him, "Xander, are you alright?" she asked, "You look hurt."
Still immobile on the floor, Xander sighed. "Nah, I'm fine," he said sarcastically.
"Oh, good," Anya said, missing the sarcasm and kneeling down on the floor beside him, "Because I want to talk to you."
"Anya!" Xander cried, "Help me up, I'm hurt... I think I pulled a muscle or something."
Anya narrowed her eyes at him, "I thought you said you were fine."
Xander glowered at her, "Just help me up," he hissed.
Anya sighed heavily, and reluctantly helped Xander to his feet. "You've wrecked your shower curtain," Anya said, looking down to Xander's feet where the shower curtain now lay. "And you're naked," She added.
"Ah!" Xander jumped and made a move to cover himself, sending another wave of pain from his shoulder to his neck, "Ow!" he cried, and then turned around, facing away from Anya.
"Xander," Anya said reprovingly, "Please, it's not like I haven't seen it before... in fact, I've seen it *many* times."
"Anya," Xander sighed irately, "Just please pass me a towel or... something."
"Fine," Anya rolled her eyes, "But I don't know why your suddenly so... *shy* about it..." She handed Xander a towel, and he managed to wrap it around his waist with minimal pain. "You were never *shy* about it when we were together," Anya added sulkily.
Xander turned around to face her again, "Well, we're not together anymore," he said. Anya frowned, and Xander sighed, "Anya, what do you want?"
"I wanted to talk to you," Anya said, dejectedly.
"And you couldn't wait until the next time you saw me?" Xander demanded, "You had to come over and break into my apartment?" he raised his eyebrows, waiting.
Anya rolled her eyes, "I didn't break in," she retorted, "I still have a key."
Xander nodded impatiently, "Fine," he said, shaking his head, "What do you want to talk to me about?"
"Tribbles," Anya said simply.
Xander stared at her blankly, "Tribbles?" he asked.
"Yes, and Star Wars," She added brightly.
Xander Blinked hard, "Anya, have you lost your mind?"
Anya frowned, "No," she said defensively, "Why would you think that?"
"Well, walking in on me in the shower completely unannounced? Wanting to talk about Tribbles...?" Xander frowned confused, "This just isn't like you... well, maybe the surprise visit, but not the sci-fi references."
"Exactly," Anya said, nodding, "Xander," she continued, "Is that why you didn't want to marry me?"
Xander narrowed his eyes, completely perplexed, "Because you like showing up unannounced?" he asked.
"No," Anya retorted, "Because I don't know what a Tribble is... or- or what actor played 3P-D2, or-,"
Xander cut her off, "An," he said, "What are you talking about?"
Anya frowned and looked down at the floor, "I was talking to Andrew last night," she said, "And he said that I was *Tribble annoying*," Xander stifled a laugh, and Anya continued, "And I didn't know what he was talking about." She sighed heavily and looked back up at Xander, "He was... surprised that I could have been with you for so long and still not be able to pick up on a simple Star Wars reference."
"Well, actually," Xander said, "It's a Star *Trek* reference."
Anya threw her arms in the air, "Exactly," she said.
"You think I didn't want to marry you because you're not a sci-fi fanatic?" Xander asked, still confused.
Anya looked at him carefully, "Well if that's not it, then why *didn't* you want to marry me?" she asked.
Xander sighed, "I- I thought we talked about this?"
"We did," she said sourly, "but your explanation explained *nothing*." Anya put her hands on her hips and frowned, "You said that you loved me, but that you didn't want to marry me."
"Well, it was the truth," Xander sighed, "Marrying you wouldn't have been... right."
Anya narrowed her eyes, "Does this have something to do with Andrew grabbing your-,"
"Anya!" Xander cut in.
Anya rolled her eyes, "Fine, keep it a secret," she said, "I just thought it might be nice to know exactly what I did to make you not want to marry me."
Xander shook his head, "An, it was nothing that you did-,"
Anya cut him off, "So it was something that I didn't do?" she asked.
Xander made a strangled noise, "No," he said firmly, "Anya, it was *me*, okay? *You* were perfect, and if I could have married you I *would* have, but I *couldn't*."
She cocked her head to the side, "Xander, I don't understand," she said, "You're saying that you *wanted* to marry me, but you *couldn't*?"
Xander nodded, "Yes," he said.
"But why couldn't you?" she asked.
"Because," Xander said, "I'm..." He took a deep breath, ~Just tell her you're gay, Xan~, he thought, ~Be a man. You can do this~. Anya looked at him expectantly. "Because I'm... gay." Anya laughed. "No, An, I'm serious," he said.
Anya's smile slowly faded, "You... you're gay?" she asked, "So, this *is* about Andrew grabbing your-," She cut herself off, and looked at Xander apprehensively, "Xander, how long have you known this?" she demanded.
Xander sighed, "I'm just kind of figuring it out," he conceded.
Anya frowned, "No," she said, "You can't just *all of a sudden* start liking men, Xander, it doesn't work that way."
"An," Xander said softly, "It isn't all of a sudden, it's always been there... I just didn't realise what *it* was." He looked at Anya concernedly, "Do you understand?"
"Oh yes," she said, "So it *was* my fault."
"Anya, how could this possibly be your fault," Xander asked, "I couldn't marry you because *I'm gay*. That's not *your* fault."
"But it would have worked," she said sadly, "If I had a penis."
Xander chuckled, "No one's perfect," he teased.
Anya continued to frown, "Xander, this isn't funny," she said.
Xander stopped grinning, "Sorry," he said. Anya nodded, and they stood silently for a minute. "An, are you mad?" Xander asked finally, "You're not gonna go all vengeance on me, are ya?"
Anya rolled her eyes and sighed heavily, "No," she said sullenly. She pointed a finger at his chest, "But I am upset," she said sadly, "How could you not have realised something *that* important until *now*?" she demanded.
"I don't know," Xander admitted, "I guess I just had to meet the right guy."
"The right guy?" Anya asked warily, "Are you talking about... *Andrew*?" She wrinkled her nose, "Tell me you don't mean *Andrew*."
Xander sighed, "He *gets* me, An... I just... I feel *right* with him."
Anya frowned, "Well you're in luck," she said dryly, "I think the little crotch-grabber feels the same way about you."
Xander smiled, "Really?" he asked excitedly.
Anya cocked her head to the side, "You really like him, don't you?" She shrugged, "Well, *I* don't get it. But then again, *I* don't have a penis." Xander chuckled again, and Anya rolled her eyes. "Come on," she said, ushering him out of the bathroom. "If you drive me back to Buffy's you can see your new boyfriend again."
Xander winced as Anya pushed on his shoulder, "Ow, careful," he said, "And Andrew's not my boyfriend." He turned to look at Anya, "An," he said slowly, "Only you and Willow know about this..." Anya pushed Xander forward again, making him yelp in pain again, "Ow," he said, "You're hurting me."
"Xander I used to be a vengeance demon," Anya said evenly, "I think you should consider yourself lucky if this is all the pain I decide to cause you." She continued to push him towards his room, "Come on," she said, "I'll help you get dressed..."
"Anya," Xander started, "I mean it. I'm not ready to go telling everybody about this-,"
"Don't worry," Anya assured him, "Your secret is safe with me."
Xander turned back to her, "Thanks, An, I appreciate it."
"My pleasure," Anya smiled warmly and gave Xander a final shove.
Xander shouted out in startled pain, as he tumbled back onto the floor. ~Well~, he thought, as Anya stepped over him and began rooting through his closet for clothes, ~I think that went pretty well~.