The Whimsical Notions Of A Desolate VampireBy Buddy
Xander stood motionless and wondered how effective he would be at stopping an Angel shaped missile once he realised who was in the doorway.
“What are you doing here?” Wesley asked him. His voice grated like fingernails scraped over chalkboard and he was clearly thrown.
“You’re asking me that?”
“Xander …”
“You mean you know me? How is that possible when you have amnesia? You do have it right? There‘s no other possible explanation for you showing up.”
Wesley visibly pulled himself together.
“I need to see Angel. It’s important.”
“It really must be … does it involve say, you losing your mind?”
Angel appeared at Xander’s side and opened the door wider. “Wesley,” he said pleasantly. “Why don’t you come on in?”
As Wesley stepped through the door, Xander looked from the dressing on his throat to the unreadable expression on Angel’s face and fought the rising panic. What should he do here exactly, call for back up? Angel closed the door behind Wesley and gestured to him to sit down.
“I’ll stand if you don’t mind, I’ll have to be brief, it’s painful to speak for long.” Angel’s eyes flicked to his throat, and his nostrils flared perceptibly.
“When did you get out of the hospital?”
“Yesterday.” Wesley kept his eyes on Angel with some difficulty.
“Did they find her?” Wesley shook his head.
“Who are you talking about?“ Xander asked, his eyes darting between the two of them.
He didn’t know whether he should sit or stand, or yell for help and it felt like he was in some weird French farce, or worse still a Greek tragedy. It didn’t help that he wasn’t really dressed for a fight should it come to it, not that he’d be much help to Wesley anyway. But Xander would have to do something if Angel suddenly felt murderous again, although he didn’t think murder was really Angel’s style. That didn’t mean Wesley wouldn’t get hurt.
“We’re talking about the woman who cut Wesley’s throat. The same woman who left him for dead. Her name’s Justine and she pledged her allegiance to Holtz. There’s a lot of it going around.”
Angel’s tone was deceptively light but his face looked thunderous. He didn’t take his eyes off Wesley the whole time he was talking. Xander shivered; it was a long time since he’d seen that particular expression on Angel’s face and he had a sinking feeling that the big kitty-cat he’d been stroking and petting for the last few days was about to show his teeth and claws.
Wesley’s head reeled. Perhaps he was only dreaming that he’d come here. Though why he’d dream about Xander Harris was anyone’s guess. Lilah hadn’t mentioned his being here, but that didn’t mean she didn’t know. He fought the urge to pinch himself; it must be real.
The pain in his throat wasn’t the kind you could replicate in a dream.
It would seem the whole world had gone mad, not just his own. There was a chance he was mistaken about the situation. That he was reading their body language and the nuance of the verbal exchange between the two of them through a morphine induced haze, and reading it wrong. He reached under his jacket sleeve and pinched himself anyway, because it was simply impossible that Angel and Xander were lovers. He mentally shook his head and tried to answer Angel calmly.
“I didn’t know the prophecy was false Angel; I just did what I thought was right at the time. I certainly had no intention of taking Connor to him.”
“No, you were just gonna take him. Where were you going to take him?”
“I hadn’t actually given it that much thought…” Wesley’s voice cracked and he started to cough. Xander disappeared into the bathroom and came back shortly with a glass of water.
“Here.”
Wesley took it gratefully and drank it down as quickly as he was able. Xander hovered near him for a few seconds before moving over to a bookshelf. He truthfully didn’t know where to put himself.
Angel watched Wesley’s discomfort dispassionately.
“The father will kill the son.” He rolled the words off his tongue as though they tasted like poison. “Did you even consider telling me about the prophecy? What about Cordelia, if you didn‘t trust me, couldn‘t you have at least talked to her?”
“Cordelia was in Mexico, or have you forgotten that already?” Wesley bit out, unable to stop himself. “I didn’t have time for explanations that you would have dismissed out of hand. Holtz gave me one day to remove Connor from the situation or he was going to take him.”
“You mean he was going to try,” Angel said through gritted teeth.
“It would seem he knew me far better than I knew him. I had no idea he would play me so effectively.”
“Well, as a general rule, it’s safer to trust your friends than someone who’s travelled through time, hell-bent on vengeance.”
Xander wished he knew how to appease Angel’s anger and he suddenly entertained the insane urge to hold his hand, or to just hold him in some way, and wasn’t that the dumbest idea he’d had since offering his throat to him?
“There were signs. I visited the Loa. He was cryptic enough to support Sajhan’s lies. It isn‘t that long ago that you locked thirteen lawyers in a room with Darla and Drusilla, so we know you don‘t have to be Angelus to tread on the dark side Angel. In fact you made that perfectly clear yourself during visiting hours.”
“He’s my son,” Angel bellowed “how could you think I would do anything to hurt my own son?”
“You had tasted his blood, it was affecting you …”
Xander’s eyes widened. “What?”
“They fed it to me. They stole Connor’s blood and spiked my supply.”
“They? Who they?”
“Wolfram and Hart.”
Xander’s face looked pinched and Angel wished he had remembered to tell him that part before now. At least he didn’t look like he was about to take a hike, just horrified.
“God they sure have the evil nemesis part down pat, don’t they? And just for the record, eew! Can’t you lock them all in a wine cellar with Darla and Drusilla? I’ll help you.”
“Why are you here Wesley?” Angel asked him. “‘Cos it sure as hell doesn’t sound like it’s because you’re sorry.” A look of futility crossed Wesley’s face. After a few seconds he raised a weary but defiant chin in Angel’s direction.
“I have information for you about Quor-toth.”
Angel folded himself into the armchair and although it was he who was barely dressed and in a submissive position, there was no doubt in Xander’s mind just who had the advantage.
“Let’s hear it.”
Xander could see the sweat beads that had formed and were threatening to trickle down Wesley’s face, and wondered how much was due to pain and how much was down to fear. He felt a pang of something indescribable for the man, not pity … it was something far less patronising than that, and it wasn’t empathy because he had no idea how he felt at all. Then it struck him; it was admiration. True, it was grudging admiration, but he doubted that the Wesley of Sunnydale would ever have had the guts to walk so boldly into the lion’s den.
At least it didn’t look as though Angel was planning to kill him anytime … soon.
“I know about your plans to travel to Quor-toth and I have something that will help you, or at least the human beings you plan to take with you anyway.”
“Who? …”
“Does it matter?” Wesley interrupted. “Their information didn’t prove a hundred percent accurate anyway. I had no idea that you intended to take Mr. Harris with you until now.”
He cast a searching look Xander’s way and Xander suddenly felt naked. It was obvious from the expression on Wesley’s face that he knew exactly why he was in Angel’s rooms wearing only a bathrobe. Xander forced himself to stand still under the scrutiny, instead of squirming like he really wanted to. A mixture of sadness and what looked suspiciously like regret shone in Wesley’s eyes before he snapped his focus back to Angel.
Angel’s mind flitted all over the place. It hadn’t been that long since this man had kidnapped his son, or since he had tried to kill this man. He was still furious with him, yet he found himself watching Wesley’s reaction to the situation he was faced with, rather than concentrating on the way he felt about him being here.
That would come in time; the taste for payback was something that rarely left his palette, but for now he was trying to fathom why there was a peculiar sensation of estranged family being thrust into his life again. There was the weighty reality of opinion attached to the intrusion, which carried baggage that Angel hadn’t known existed. How had he missed it? He filed it for later and waited for Wesley to continue.
“Time moves differently over there, a few days can age a human prematurely, it won’t affect Cordelia, you, or the Groosalugg, but Fred, Gunn and Xander here would return much older than they were when they left.”
“What about Connor?”
“There’s every chance he will be affected. So far as we know he is human, so I doubt he will still be a baby if you find him.”
Xander winced at Wesley’s words. No one had said ‘if’ around Angel since he had been here. More importantly, no one believed there was any doubt. Did they? Why else was he here? Emotion tried to skitter away from him before he had a chance to acknowledge it, only this time he grabbed on to it. Lorne’s voice whispered in his ear, “... if you’re not prepared to make an emotional commitment, go now, and may I suggest running for the hills?”
He closed his eyes against the clanging sounds of doom, and simply waited for an eruption from Angel.
“And how exactly do you know this Wesley? Have you been making more deals with the devil?” His voice sounded like silk against soft skin and for a moment Xander thought of Spike; he really had learned from a Master.
“I think I will sit down if you don’t mind.” Wesley pulled a chair out from under the table and sat down gratefully, facing Angel. “I had a visit from Lilah Morgan yesterday, not long after I got out of hospital as it happens. It was quite the welcome home, there were gifts and a job offer.”
Angel smiled mirthlessly. “She’s good. It’s almost a shame I didn’t know her back in the day, she makes Darla look like a cheerleader. She know you’re here?”
“As a matter of fact she does, but not because I accepted her offer...”
“But you didn’t turn her down.”
“This will be far easier if you let me finish without interruption.”
“Why should I be easy on you, Wesley, hmm?”
“Simply because I can’t talk for much longer and you really need to hear what I have to say.”
Xander realized he was holding his breath and let it out shakily. Wesley visibly collected himself at Angel’s silence and held out the empty glass to Xander.
“Would you mind?”
Xander took it from him wordlessly and looked at Angel. Angel nodded and so he went to refill it, leaving silence behind him. He put the glass under the faucet and turned it on too fast, spraying water everywhere.
“Damn it!”
He took another deep breath and tried to calm the trembles that had started to creep over him. Oh this was a great way to look out for Angel. What the hell was he thinking anyway, thinking that he could take control? The first time an ugly situation rears its head and he turns to Jell-O. He’d been so busy trying to ease Angel’s pain that he had forgotten about his anger. On the up side Wesley was still breathing. He tried again to fill the glass and the murmur of voices floated in from the den. He desperately needed to take a leak and hoped that potential carnage didn’t occur, simply because all he had to offer to appease the situation was a full bladder.
“It was Lilah who gave me the information you need. She has Sahjhan incarcerated and has spent the last few days interrogating him.”
“She found the urn?”
“She wasn’t working under her own steam for that part. The Senior Partners knew you had found a way in to the Quor-toth dimension and it’s in their best interests that you return. Sahjhan was released from the urn and don’t forget he’s still in corporeal form. They tortured what they could out of him; the information she found out about the ageing process was incidental.”
Angel laughed, “And Lilah’s suddenly feeling generous?” .
Xander came out of the bathroom and handed the glass to Wesley again.
“What’s the catch Wesley? Isn‘t there always a catch?” He asked him.
“She can afford to be generous, she’s convinced I’ll say yes to her offer. After all, where else do I have to go?”
Angel looked at him hard for a moment.
“What gifts? You said there were gifts.”
“Oh the usual, balloons, an odd touch coming from Lilah, I thought. Expensive wine, a copy of Dante's Divine Comedy.”
“The Inferno?”
Wesley ignored the comment and reached into his jacket pocket for his painkillers. The only time he could remember feeling this much physical pain was at Faith’s hands, but the misery he felt right now was something he had rarely experienced since Angel had come into his life and given him purpose again. It was the kind that never gave any respite, but followed you into the darkness of silent bedrooms and didn’t go away even if company arrived unexpectedly and offered the enfolding arms of a warm embrace.
He was very tired and doubted he could ever make things right. But he had to try.
“Angel, if Justine hadn’t intercepted me and I had managed to get away with Connor, this would be a very different conversation. Connor would be safe and it would have brought us more time to work out what the prophecy meant.”
Angel stood up quickly and the back of his legs hit the chair with force, shooting it backwards away from him.
“And if you had trusted me …”
Xander stood in front of him and wondered if he was going to be tossed aside for his action. “Angel, please!” He closed his eyes because he didn’t want to see the look on his face when he lashed out at him and he was almost certain he would. Angel stopped in mid-stride and looked at him as though he only just remembered he was there. Xander opened one eye slowly just in time to see Angel turning away from him.
Xander turned to Wesley. “Wesley why don’t you tell us what we have to do to avoid the premature wrinkling and then leave?”
Wesley nodded and handed Xander a flask. It was mainly glass, with pewter filigree on the base and halfway up the sides.
“I got this from Anita, the proprietor of a demon brothel on the East side. Here’s her address, but you’ve been there before for Cordelia and the Groosalugg; she’ll verify its contents and what it’s for. It’s a elixir; you’ll need take it before you go, the instructions are on here.” He nodded at the piece of paper and thrust it into Xander’s hands.
“Apparently it doesn’t taste very pleasant. Take it with you; you’ll need to give it to Connor too. Although there‘s no guarantee it will work because he didn‘t…” He trailed off, realising he wasn’t exactly helping his case
Wesley looked from Xander’s face to Angel’s rigid back.
“I know that I made a mistake, but I stand by what I did. I thought I was acting in everyone’s best interest. I screwed up, you tried to kill me, doesn’t that level the playing field just a little?” Angel looked back over his shoulder.
“Thanks for the elixir Wesley,” he said coldly. “Now get out.”
Wesley nodded his head. He glanced at Xander, a speculative gleam in his eye. He opened his mouth to speak, thought better of it and shut it with a snap. He turned once more before he left.
“Good luck out there.” And then he was gone.
Xander heaved a sigh of relief and started to walk towards Angel. He stopped when he saw the sorrowful expression on his face.
“Angel?”
“I guess I shouldn‘t be surprised.”
“Really? I thought the guy had some nerve, just showing up. Though I did think that part was brave. Either that or stupid depending on your viewpoint. At least you have this.” He held the bottle up to the light and peered through the green contents inside.
“No, I’m not talking about Wesley. You thought I was going to hit you.” Xander’s head dropped. He rubbed his brow and then looked back up at Angel’s face.
“It was a momentary thought that flashed through my mind. I didn’t get a say in it, it just sort of popped in there.” Xander closed the distance between them and put his arms around Angel’s waist and his head on his chest. “You were angry, and who wouldn’t be? I didn’t think you could even see who was in front of you, I didn’t take it personally.”
Angel slid his fingers in Xander’s hair.
“There’s not enough that I can do or say that could let you know how sorry I am. That you ever had to witness the worst of me.”
“I thought we weren’t ever going to mention that part.”
“How can we not? All those things I did, to Buffy and the others. To you. The more I think about it the more I know this is crazy. Xander you hate vampires.”
“Don’t you? Anyway, it’s not that cut and dried any more, with the souls and the chips; Spike ‘s kinda grown on me, in an annoying way. And you, well you’re not the same guy that you were back in Sunnydale.”
“You heard what Wesley said. I may not be Angelus any more, but I have … darkness.”
Xander raised his head. “Did you want to kill him?”
“Yes. I ... I wanted to hurt him for betraying me the way he did. And because he broke up the family.”
“But you didn’t. You’re not the only one that’s ever felt that way Angel. The thing that sets us apart from the real scumbags of the earth is the fact that we don’t actually do it. I can‘t believe those bastards fed your own son‘s blood to you and you haven‘t tried to kill them.”
“You should probably know I’m prepared to kill anyone of them, if it means I’ll get Connor home safely.”
“Yeah well, that’s different. Parental issues aside, this is a war they should expect casualties. ”
Angel dropped his lips to kiss the top of Xander’s head and smiled grimly into his hair. “So acts of vengeance are a no go, but a few random, incidental killings in the field are acceptable?”
“Something like that. I’m sure I could build a better argument if I wasn’t so tired.”
Xander tightened his arms around Angel’s waist. “Can we go back to bed now? I’m wiped and we’ve got Willow and Spike coming up tomorrow night. I think I need to preserve some energy for that, or grow some more.”
Angel slipped his hand into Xander’s and led him to the bed. Xander put the flask and the piece of paper on the night table and stifled a yawn. They took off their robes and slid under the covers.
“I don’t believe it’s going to be that easy.”
“Just watch me pal. As soon as my head hits this pillow, the zees will be floating.” Xander put his arm out and Angel sank gratefully into his embrace and rested his head on his chest.
“Us I mean.”
“Well luckily I’m not looking for easy, I’m looking for honesty.”
“Is that all? Because that isn’t enough for me.” Xander’s heart rate speeded up at Angel’s words and his mind went back once again to what Lorne had said.
“What else is there? No don’t answer that … I don’t want to know. At least I don’t think I do.”
Xander peered over the end of his nose at Angel’s upturned face and it came to him then just how much of a hypocrite he was being. How could he expect honesty if he wasn’t prepared to be honest himself? Or with himself?
“Would it be enough if I told you that I’m in love with you?” He said softly, barely above a whisper.
Angel pushed himself up on his knees; his eyes wide and his mouth open in shock.
“Ow, ribs!” Xander gasped.
“I’m sorry, I thought you just said …”
“That I’m in love with you.” Angel grabbed his arms and pulled him into a sitting position.
“Ow, arms!”
“I’m sorry, it’s just that … you’re messing with me now,” he said when he saw Xander grinning at him.
“I am. But I do, love you I mean. Wow, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to say it, not even to myself.”
“You just said it three times.”
Angel lowered his lips to Xander’s and kissed him passionately whilst he enfolded him in his arms. It wasn’t a hungry kiss, he wasn’t trying to take anything from him, he was simply trying to convey what he couldn’t put into words. His embrace however, was crushing and Xander had to break away when oxygen became an issue. He looked at him seriously.
“I take it that it’s a good thing then? I should probably mention that it‘s scary. I‘m scared.”
Angel smiled at him. “Xander … I love you too; we’re probably going to regret this one day, both of us, but I can’t worry about that now. I won‘t hurt you, I prom …”
Xander put his finger on Angel’s lips. “Don’t say that. Don’t make promises we don’t know you can keep. I don’t believe you’d do it on purpose …” Another grin broke out across his face. “You love me?”
Angel kissed him again, hungrily this time, exploring his mouth with his tongue and occasionally bumping teeth in his eagerness. Eventually they both lay back down and returned to their previous position. Xander stroked Angel’s hair contented for now, and Angel listened to the steady thump of Xander’s heartbeat and wondered how close this feeling came to bliss. He figured that the underlying threat of all that could go wrong was enough to keep Angelus shackled safely within the cage of his soul.
“You really love me? Did I fall asleep already?” Xander asked, and felt Angel tighten his hold around his waist.
“No, but it’s possible that we’ve entered the Twilight Zone and … actually, I don’t want to trivialise this.” He peered up at him again. “How tired are you?”
“You wanna have sex?” Xander whispered.
“No, I want to make love with you.”
Xander closed his eyes and stretched out his body as Angel’s hands and lips started to rove across his skin. It felt different this time and Xander couldn’t tell if that was because a burden had been lifted when they’d admitted how they felt about each other, or simply because now they both knew they were loved.
Each kiss, every touch seem to pour right into him, sink deep inside his veins and follow his blood’s journey to his heart. Emotion mounted as well as pleasure and by the time Angel actually put his hand around Xander’s cock, tears were threatening to spill along with his seed.
It wasn’t until he felt Xander’s warm hands on his face and the pressure of his lips, that Angel remembered he too had physical form. He opened his eyes, startled, only to find that Xander’s were tightly shut and fighting a losing battle against the tracks that wetted his face. His kisses became frantic and his hands hungry as he wrought Angel’s flesh with voracity and Angel felt as though he was being taken apart and put back together again.
Angel trembled as he entered him, biting back a sob as heat surrounded him and Xander wrapped his legs possessively around his waist. They clasped hands and Xander raised himself up on his elbows so Angel could easily claim the kisses he was intent upon. Kisses that kept time with his thrusts and didn’t prevent him from gazing intently at his lover, or from drowning in the need he saw echoed in Xander’s eyes.
He watched Xander’s face as it twisted with the onset of climax, and the display of such naked pleasure urged him to drive deeper inside him, to wring it from him. He thought of his earlier musings, from the first encounter that had brought them to this place, and he wondered what god he should thank for allowing him to enjoy such beauty.
Xander cried out Angel’s name as his ejaculate erupted from his body, spurting in thick bursts over his belly. Angel gripped his hands painfully when his own climax hit him, leaving thumbprints on the soft webbing between Xander’s thumbs and forefingers that would be varying shades of purple by the time they left this dimension.
Angel collapsed onto the sticky mess covering his lover’s body and stifled the urge to bite into the soft throat that was exposed before him. It hurt to will his demon down, and rather than give in to the nature that was clamouring to be assuaged, he sank his fangs into his own forearm and threw his other arm up and over to bury his head.
Xander stiffened under him. “Angel? Don’t hide from me … I want to see you.”
After a few seconds, Angel retracted his fangs and lifted his head. There was blood staining his lips and teeth and his eyes were yellow, but they held such sadness that Xander thought his heart would break. He reached out a tentative hand and softly traced the ridges on his brow. He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat and reached down to plant a soft kiss at the top of Angel’s nose.
“It’s a part of you. I love you and I don’t want to be afraid of this.”
Angel’s features slowly morphed back to human and he licked his lips unconsciously. He tried to push himself away, but warm strong arms circled him and held him still. He could have freed himself easily, had he really wanted to, but the moment Xander had embraced him, he had realised there was no need.
Tiredness washed over both of them and before too long, Xander’s steady breathing was the only thing that moved their bodies. They drifted into sleep, spent fluids adhering their skin together, and the steady beat of Xander’s heart thumping comfortingly in Angel’s ear.
~*~
It was quiet in the reception of the Hyperion, as it usually was in the daytime, apart from the ever-present conversation that gelled the unit together and furthered friendships. Gunn had arrived just before lunch, and then Cordelia had come in a few minutes later, minus Groo. He was back at their apartment watching TV after discovering the wonder that was cartoons on Nickelodeon. If Cordelia had raised her eyebrows at Fred because of the Angel and Xander no-show, she wisely didn’t mention it to either of them.
Lorne had wandered in about half an hour ago. He didn’t say where he’d been, and nobody thought to ask him. He wasn’t put out by the lack of interest but he was restless. He hated waiting for things to happen, but his interest had been piqued when Angel and Xander had finally come down the stairs. He guessed that you didn’t need to be psychic to pick up the vibes they were giving off, just alive and paying attention. He was just grateful that neither of them was singing; some things were best left in the ‘intensely private’ tray unread.
Wesley was still conspicuous by his absence and Gunn in particular felt a nasty jolt of surprise every time he realized the reason he couldn’t see him was simply because he wasn’t there, or likely to be ever again. They had all stood open-mouthed when Angel told them about his impromptu visit the night previously, but up to the present hadn’t said a whole lot about it. They were all eyeing the elixir bottle with suspicion.
Gunn took the cap off and sniffed at the contents. His face twisted into a moue of disgust and he coughed helplessly.
“I’m glad I won’t be drinking this stuff; man it’s like boiled cabbage, two day old boiled cabbage. Good luck keeping it down bro’.”
Xander took the bottle and cap from him, replaced it and glared. “For now I can pretend it tastes like Miller’s finest, and I’m thinking we’ll put it the safe because I really don’t want to go out there young and nubile and come back looking like grandpa.”
Cordelia grinned at him. “I don’t know it could work, lessen the age gap between you two a bit. Maybe not, Angel does have a thing for cradle robbing.”
“Hello, still in the room Cordelia; don’t you have something to do?”
“Not unless you count clearing away after the last Xander Harris pig-out-athon, and so not doing that. I’m pretty much job free right now.”
“I thought that potions from Anita were for lovers?” Gunn said, puzzled.
“Well they’re love potions, but it doesn’t have to be that kind of love. All the stuff she makes are designed to smooth the path of love, any kind,” Cordelia said. “Hey don’t look at me like that, I did my research. I’m guessing that the love of a father is covered by those parameters.”
The phone rang and Cordelia answered it. “Angel Investigations, we help -Buffy, hey”
Everyone looked at Xander and Angel uncomfortably.
“He’s right here, hold on.” She handed the receiver to Angel and he took it with a quick glance in Xander’s direction.
“Hello Buffy.”
“Hey.” There was silence for a moment. “How are you holding up?”
Angel turned his back to everyone and wished that he had taken the call in the office.
“I’m dealing, I have the help and support of my friends.” He hated how pompous he sounded but he was really surprised to hear from her.
“Actually that’s why I called. Things have quietened down around here, the nerds have scooted, left town I think, and I wondered if you would want me to … I could come to LA with Willow and Spike and you could take me instead of Xander. You know a bit of Slayer strength might be useful and Xander might stay alive that way.”
Angel was stunned into silence. Not only was the offer unexpected but also he couldn’t think of one good reason to say no. Apart from the fact that the last time they had met up, they really had said goodbye.
A warm hand caressed the back of his neck and then Xander was standing at the side of him. Angel smiled at him, immediately thinking back to their lovemaking the night before and how they had woken late, limbs still tangled together. Neither of them could believe they’d got any sleep in the position they’d been in. Slow kisses in the shower, and then a hasty move to get dressed and join the others before they were actively sought out and dragged down the stairs.
Here was the reason to say no. Not a good one, a selfish one even, but the only one he cared about.
“Let me talk to her.” Angel looked at him, torn. He covered the mouthpiece with his hand.
“How did you know what she wanted?”
Xander shrugged his shoulders. “Just a hunch I guess. You spend six years guarding the Hellmouth with a superhero and you get hip to their jive.”
Angel handed the receiver over reluctantly. Was he being cowardly letting Xander deal with this, or was he simply allowing him to be in charge of his own destiny?
When he looked up everyone was still staring. He looked pointedly back at them and they suddenly found they had things to do even if it was fiddling with papers on the counter top, beating a hasty retreat into the office, or moving over to the weapons closet.
Everyone except Lorne. He folded his frame in half and sat on the circular sofa with his arms crossed, facing Angel and smiled at him. It was unnerving.
“Hey Buffy, what’s up?”
“Xander? I was talking to Angel and …”
“I know what you were doing Buffy and there’s no need. This is my thing, I want to do this, I told you already.”
“Xander what’s going on?”
“Going on? What do you mean, going on?”
“Look I know I’ve been busy with everything lately, but I’m not so far out of it that you helping Angel doesn’t rate on my weirdness monitor. Are you ok?”
“I’m fine, look I appreciate your concern but there’s no need to worry about anything.”
“You’re not coming back are you?”
This was beginning to sound like a theme tune. Welcome to the Xander Harris Show folks, on tonight’s episode, Xander’s best friend, Buffy, finds out he’s schtupping her former lover and a shiny new reason to slay.
“What? Did Willow talk to you? No forget that, there’s nothing to talk about.”
”I overheard her talking to Tara. I wasn’t eavesdropping, not really. They were talking and I happened to be near the room and I was really hoping they were having a making up conversation. She was talking about Spike living in your apartment, which was when it hit me; you’ve lost your mind and you’re not coming back to Sunnydale.”
Xander wished there were awards given out for stressful phone conversations because over the last few days he figured he might have earned a bunch. Angel was watching him anxiously and he could feel the weight of everybody else not saying anything really loudly.
“You’re basing that conclusion on the fact that Spike is staying in my apartment? Buffy I know about the two of you, so if I’m insane maybe it’s because it’s catching.” There was short, barely audible gasp at the other end of the line and then silence.
He heard Cordelia snort in the background. “Buffy and Spike? Why am I not surprised? Is anybody else here surprised?”
“Cordelia, nobody else here knows either of them. And no, I’m not surprised at all actually,” Angel informed her.
“You knew about this? You’re so calm about it.” She looked from him to Xander. “Oh boy, you really have it bad don’t you?”
“Cordelia be quiet a minute.” Xander waved his hand in her direction.
“Buffy? Are you still there?”
“Yes. Did Spike tell you?”
“He might have said something …”
“I’m so gonna kick his ass.”
“… but I already had my suspicions.”
“It’s over now.”
“I know. Isn’t that why he’s so keen to come with us?”
“Why are you doing this? We need you here. I need you here. If you must go and do this trans-dimensional hoppy thing, for whatever reason, what’s to stop you coming home afterward? Is it Cordelia, did you start dating again?”
Xander laughed at that.
“No Buffy, I’m not dating Cordelia again. She’s happily ensconced in a relationship with a warrior hunk from Pylea. His name is Groo and he’s a stellar guy. Now can we not have this conversation until I see you again?”
There was silence again for a few seconds.
“Buffy?”
“There’s something you’re not telling me.” Xander heaved out a heavy sigh. The farcical nature of the situation abated and he just started to feel really miserable.
“There is. But I’m not going to talk to you about it over the phone. I … there’s nothing to worry about.” He felt sick now. How was he ever going to tell her?
“Ok. I mean I’m not happy about it, but I’ll talk to you some other time. Do I need to tell you again to be careful?”
“No, I’m a veteran on the whole evil thing, and we don’t intend to be there any longer than necessary. Are Willow and Spike all set?”
“I don’t know about Spike, but Willow’s already packed and was barely able to contain herself enough to go to class today. I think her and Tara are going to be ok though.”
“I hope so. Bye Buffy.”
He hung up. Angel looked at him compassionately. “You ok?” Xander nodded.
“I’d feel a lot better if… could you?” Strong arms enveloped him and he was surrounded by the mingled smells of fabric softener and soap and something spicy and musky that was inherently Angel. The embrace only lasted a short time, both of them felt uncomfortable with an audience, no matter how discreetly they all looked away.
Xander picked up the bottle of elixir and gave it to Angel to put in the safe. Fred took it from him.
“I’ll do it. I still can’t believe Wesley had the nerve to show up like that. Although it’s good he did … he … don’t you think it means something that he’d do that? How is he?”
“He looks and sounds like a man who had his throat cut recently,” Angel told her bitterly. “He doesn’t look a whole like someone who would kidnap my son, but then you should never judge a book by its cover, should you?”
Fred bit her bottom lip and Xander sent her a sympathetic smile.
“Angel.” It was a soft reprimand from him but Angel immediately felt chagrined.
“I’m not angry with you Fred, I’m sorry.”
“It’s good that he came right? I didn’t think he would after, you know, you tried to kill him an’ all. Is there no way that…”
“Fred, maybe you should just leave it,” Gunn said as he watched the different emotions playing across Angel’s face.
“I don’t want to leave it! I know what Wesley did was wrong, he knows it too, but he’s family. There must be a way to make things right again.”
Her eyes filled with tears and Gunn put his arms around her. She shrugged him off and started to walk away.
“D’you know what pisses me off the most?” Angel asked her. “I miss him. I don’t want to, because I’m still so angry inside, but I know it took guts to do what he did last night.” He shook his head.
“It might be too late any way, Lilah offered him a job.”
“What?” Cordelia said, shocked. “What kinda job?”
“Angel, Angel, Angel. My misguided love-mobile, I think you’re missing the big picture here,” Lorne beamed up at him. “Isn’t this the perfect opportunity to have someone in on the inside?”
“I don’t know if I can trust him any more.”
“You know that as soon as you get the nipper back here, Wolfram and Hart spies are going to be all over the two of you again. He’s going to be a sight more interesting as a specimen than he was before he went out there. How old do you think he’ll be, huh sugar? Have you thought of that? ‘Cos I’ll bet they have.”
“Wesley wouldn’t go for it, it‘s too dangerous.”
“I think we’ve established that Wesley is Danger Man, I don’t think it will be a problem. What job did she offer him again?” Cordelia said, her eyebrows in her hairline.
“He didn’t say.”
“You should call him,” Fred said in earnest.
“I’ll think about it.”
“But you …”
“Fred. I said I’ll think about it and I will.”
“Thank you.” She smiled at him and took the bottle away to lock up in the safe.
Xander started to clear away plates and a smiling Cordelia gave him a hand.
“You’ve filled out. It suits you.”
Xander couldn’t help his eyes dropping to her breasts.
“You too.”
She smirked at him.
“It’s nice to know that not everything has changed. Come on, I’ll help you wash these up. Lord knows there’s nothing else to do around here at the moment. I’ve filed what needs to be filed and typed the few invoices that needed to go out this week and I’m thinking I might be better off at home watching cartoons with Groo.”
Angel watched the two of them, and nostalgia crept in for the children they had been when he first knew them. It wasn’t fair that either of them had been forced to grow up so fast, but they’d both turned out to be quite remarkable adults and he was grateful he still had them in his life.
It wasn’t at all like he expected it to be, and he didn’t know how long it would last. Things could have easily been so different, especially if Groo hadn’t shown up when he did. He listened to Xander and Cordelia sparring good-naturedly and it simply felt right that things were as they were.
But he didn’t feel complacent. He knew how easily things could be ripped away from him and he hoped the security of that knowledge would keep them all safe. Would he really be allowed to have this?
Lorne walked over and pulled him to one side.
“Angel a word if you don’t mind.”
“What is it Lorne?”
“You still don’t have anyone to speak the incantation for tomorrow night. So when you’re pondering on the Wesley situation, you might consider asking him to do it.”
He was saved from answering immediately by the appearance of Gunn and Fred.
“We’re going out for a while. There’s nothing doing here and we have our pagers. Unless you do have something for us to do.”
“No Gunn, go ahead. Take the night off actually; if anything comes up we’ll manage. I’m sure Spike will be up for a kill if need be.”
“Really? Cool, catch you in the morning.”
They said their goodbyes to everyone and left.
Lorne looked at Angel expectantly.
“We’re going to wash these up. I’ll make coffee,” Xander said and treated him to a smile that curled his toes. He decided to give everyone the night off. He turned to Lorne as the two of them disappeared.
“Why are you so keen to have Wesley back in the fold? You read him and he wasn’t exactly playing best friends when he hit you.”
“I know and it’s still smarting believe me. But this is where he belongs Angel, it always has been.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“That’s all I’m askin’. Now if you don’t need me for anything, I’m off up to my room. ‘Trolling for new nightclub venues in the seedier parts of town can wear a fellow out.”
“Lorne …”
“I don’t know Angel. All I can say is that that’s a fine man you’ve got yourself there and he belongs here too. Just remember that the path least travelled is the one filled with the most surprises. I’ll catch you later.”