The Whimsical Notions Of A Desolate VampireBy Buddy
Early Saturday Morning
It was Darla’s voice that chased him as he ran down the corridor. Telling him that he had grown soft, too soft to be able to save their son let alone his friends.
If he could just get there, to where they all were, she might shut up. But every stride produced another meter of carpet.
Still he ran, panting through fear for them and as he rounded the corner to the stairway it was Darla who waited for him.
“Spike may be love’s bitch, Angel, but you’re its downfall.”
He stopped and stood in front of her uncertainly.
“Where are they Darla?”
“They’re right in the palm of your hand. You’re not running toward them my poor delusional boy. You’re running away from them. It’s the only way to keep them safe.”
“I … I don’t understand.”
“Don’t you? … I think you do. You have humanity poisoning your entire being,” she made a moue of distaste. “It reaches further than your soul ... And it’s your Achilles heel.”
Angel laughed, “Almost had me there, but the last part was pure Wesley.”
Darla ignored his comment patiently. “If you don’t let some demon to the surface for this, you can kiss goodbye to everybody’s hide.”
“Perhaps you should shut up. You’re dead … again.”
Darla pirouetted. “Don’t I look good?”
“You always were a beauty, your son takes after you.”
“He does now,” she shook her head. “Where’s Angelus when you need him?”
“I can’t do that, look where it gets me,” he pointed to Spike propping up the pillar in the underground lot.
“Spike has issues, so what? Didn’t he always?”
“Because of me.”
“You always did have a big ego honey - don’t you understand? It’s all about balance. Tap the demon, fuel the man.”
“Why are you helping me? Are you helping me?” Darla smiled and her eyes were full of sad wisdom.
“Somebody has to or how will you avoid this?” She pointed to Spike again, who was uncharacteristically silent with his pain.
“We’ve formed an alliance Angel,” Xander said, his face full of accusation as he walked over and slipped his fingers between Spike’s. “You shouldn’t feel bad though, because we never get tired of telling the story.”
~*~
Angel needed something to elevate the pervasive miasma that had crept into the apartment, thickening the air whilst he read Lilah’s file. He wasn’t especially surprised by anything in it, Quor-toth was a Hell dimension, he expected horrors, and the foreboding was understandable in regard to everyone’s safety.
It hadn’t anything to do with dreams or fear of his inadequacies.
They needed to get in and out as quickly as possible but it was all dependant on which of the extreme weather regions they materialised in and how close that was to where Holtz and Connor called home. There was a roughly drawn map that indicated the most likely place for that to be. It was a mountainous region and the only one that could be considered a remotely practical habitat for human beings. One of the biggest problems was the sheer size of it. He only hoped they didn’t arrive on a cliff face.
The area was populated with at least three different species according to the information gathered from Sahjhan. He was sure the others would doubt its reliability considering it was tortured out of him; Angel didn’t.
Dawn was already lighting the darkness and he watched the streets below as the moon began to fade. He was tempted to throw on some clothes and use the last hour of sunless LA to pound the streets for something evil and kill it. But it wasn’t worth risking the possibility of injury or worse this close to the journey. Besides, Xander’s sleeping form offered a better comfort.
He watched the last of the stars wink out as though they were making way for the plane that soared overhead. More lights were appearing in windows up and down the street and traffic had started to build up, proving that although the City never slept, at least it did slow down for a while.
How many of them would return from this journey to slip back into the days they called normal despite them being something else entirely?
He didn’t want to, if he was honest, but it would be easier if he could do this alone.
~*~
Xander knew his ass was probably going to hurt for days. He also knew he was alone in bed before he’d even opened his eyes. Rubbing sleep from them and yawning hard enough for his jaw to crack he swung his legs carefully over the edge, pushed himself to his feet and almost slipped on the papers on the floor.
Angel was easy to locate by the paper trail and the cool draught that was wafting in through the open doors. Xander blinked at the hunk of carved perfection currently leaning naked over the balcony rail.
He didn’t relish the idea of the cold any closer to his bare skin, but that and space were the only things between him and an armful of vampire. He padded over to him almost silently, knowing that Angel was aware of him before he slipped his arms around his waist and pulled him back from the railing.
“Come back to bed, it’s too cold out here. Besides heights and tired Xander, not a good idea.”
Angel turned in his arms and after pressing a soft kiss to his forehead allowed Xander to lead him back inside. He pushed the balcony doors shut and embraced him, wrapping himself around Xander’s warmth and enjoying the way their cocks brushed together.
“What woke you?”
“Empty bed. What woke you?”
“Bad dreams. I’ve been reading the file Lilah gave me since. Maybe I didn’t really wake up yet.”
“What kinda bad dreams?”
“I don’t remember, I just woke up feeling like I’d ... just bad dreams.”
Xander peered into Angel’s eyes, searching for what he was holding back, and tried to guess if he would ever tell him. “You ok?”
“I am now.” Angel kissed him, hoping to silence him.
Xander clasped Angel’s hand and tugged him towards the bedroom. He slid back under the covers gratefully and instinctively curled himself around Angel the moment he joined him.
“You should try and go back to sleep,” Xander muttered after a while, sleep already trying to re-claim him.
“Are you ok? Last night was a bit … brutal.”
“I might have to avoid sitting for the next few days but it was worth it.”
Angel tightened his hold on him. “It was incredible.” A bolt of desire shot through him at the memory.
There was another stretch of silence and Angel sensed that Xander was almost asleep. He sighed dramatically causing Xander’s eyes to flutter even before he shifted down the bed and buried his nose in his pubic hair. He breathed deeply, soft hairs tickling the inside of his nostrils, and then Xander was guiding his lips to the head of his cock. He engulfed it slowly and enjoyed the feel of it stiffening against the flat of his tongue.
As soon as Xander was hard, Angel clasped the base and used his cock like a whip against his lips. Light beats at first, and then harder and faster against his tongue, occasionally licking the bulbous head before taking him in again and swallowing around him.
He sucked him leisurely, sliding his lips up and down his shaft until the pace became frustrating and Xander started to thrust into Angel’s mouth. He groaned when Angel moved his mouth away because he was so close to orgasm, but when he opened his eyes and his mouth to protest, Angel was poised above his hips and slicking his own entrance with lube.
Xander ran his hand up Angel’s weeping member and prayed that he wouldn’t come as soon as he was buried inside of him. Angel pushed his tight pucker over the head of Xander’s cock and started to bear down without preamble, fucking himself on Xander almost as hard and quick as he’d fucked Xander the night before.
“Angel … I won’t last if you … ”
“I don’t expect you to … just need to …”
“Oh God … ” Xander pumped his hips as he spurted semen deep into Angel’s bowels, His hands tightened convulsively around Angel’s cock, and he wanked him erratically until come spilled over his hand.
“ … commmme.”
Xander wiped his hand on the sheet and felt his boneless body spread all over the bed. He looked up and waited for Angel to open his eyes.
“You didn’t go demon,” he said when he finally looked at him. Angel started to lift himself off and Xander grabbed his hips to stop him.
“Any chance you’re going to tell me what’s wrong? Apart from the obvious.” He sat up, and his cock slid deeper inside Angel’s ass, the flutter of inner muscles prolonging his erection. Not boneless everywhere then.
“I don’t always go demon. I do have some control.” Xander snaked his arms around his waist.
“Don’t go yet ... This is the first time you didn’t have to fight it. I hope you’re not going off me already?”
“Xander …” Angel sounded exasperated.
“You don’t have to tell me, but whatever it is. Whatever it is. You can.”
Angel nodded and then kissed him. Xander relaxed into the kiss and then allowed Angel to get off without further protest.
Angel lay down at the side of him and pulled Xander into his arms, but he didn’t relax until he sensed Spike leave the other side of the door.
~*~
Midmorning, Saturday.
Angel watched Xander walk down the stairs and failed to suppress the smile that sprang to his lips at the sight of him. He mouthed ‘Hi’ and turned away quickly in an attempt to focus on what Fred was saying to Willow. He tried to ignore the ache he felt at the sight of him, terrified that it was going to get in the way or he was going to screw it up. It had taken little more than a dream to burst his bubble, well that and some searching questions from a Childe he never thought he’d have to share air space with again let alone head space.
Spike had cast Angel a knowing look that contained as much misery as mockery when he’d finally surfaced. He’d grunted hello to all and sundry before he lit a smoke and ignored the disapproving stares from Cordelia. Angel had seen him mentally square his shoulders before he turned on the charm when the introductions were made and he could tell he was fooling each and every one of them.
Everyone except him of course.
Whatever Spike had been thinking the night before as he’d stood outside their door, he had been giving off an intense yearning for something and Angel hated that he could feel his pain. It was raw and needy and he wished that Spike didn’t have to go through it, but there was little he could do to ease it.
Besides he had other things on his mind. What if he really was getting soft and it cost someone his or her life? It would be so easy to disappear in the comfort that surrounded him; Xander was so easy to love. He’d stepped in and taken the role that nobody else wanted. Everyone else had stumbled blindly after him as he’d floundered, but Xander had shown him the way.
Now he was looking over at Angel with uncertainty and confusion and it felt strange not to go to him immediately, but the time for such indulgences was over, at least until he found Connor.
“Angel are you with us?” Groo was looking at him quizzically.
“Huh? Physics not really my thing.”
“Nor mine, but it is fascinating to hear about it from those who understand natural law.”
“Carry on, you both seem to know what it means and I trust you,” Angel said to Willow.
She smiled at him. “Good to know but not the point. I was asking about breakfast, physics makes me hungry. Mornings make me hungry, it’s the whole fasting thing. Mornin’ sleepy head.” She smiled at Xander.
“Hey Will.”
Angel’s eyes swivelled slowly back to him. He smiled and him but Cordelia obscured his vision.
“Over here in the box on the counter, we have donuts and there’s coffee.” Cordelia helped herself to a donut. “You should probably hurry, they’re fast running out.”
“I’ll be back in a minute,” Angel mumbled absently to Willow and Fred.
“Not so fast mister, there’s something you should know.”
Angel sighed deeply. “If it’s bad news I don’t want to know. At least not until I’ve eaten. I’ll be back in a minute.”
He turned back to Xander but he was gone.
~*~
Spike was conspicuous by his absence and even though he was there in the room, Xander was pretty sure he wasn’t there in his head, not the real Spike anyhow. He was managing the small talk up to now but for the most part he was avoiding most questions skilfully without causing offence. Fairly impressive behaviour from a guy who’s social skills barely stopped at stealing food off of other people’s plate.
Heartache was apparently a great leveller even for soulless vampires.
But Xander couldn’t dwell on that because Angel was absent too. The Angel that Xander got to see in private but who sometimes showed up even when they had an audience, the one who had started to seem as if he cared less who was watching them. He couldn’t understand what had gone wrong or what had happened but suddenly he could sense a wall between them and it didn’t make any sense.
Xander hated trying to second-guess people. It led to all sorts of bad thoughts and misunderstandings and arguments in your head that had nothing to do with what was really wrong, but ended up causing damage just the same. All it took was a remembered conversation, one stray thought, and a change in circumstances and then you had a situation on your hands where Angel didn’t need you any more because Spike was back in town.
It was at this point that Xander decided he should take himself off someplace for a stern talking to. It was understandable that Angel would feel be wired today, this was the day. But he’d woken up alone about an hour ago and Angel wasn’t even in their apartment. He didn’t wake Xander before he left, he’d barely muttered ‘Hi’ to him yet and wasn’t he just turning into a teenage girl for gods sake!
Angel was talking to Willow and she was telling him something that looked like new and unwelcome information judging by the pained expression on his face. Two containers of blood were perched on the table next to the couch where Spike was sitting and Xander realized this was the first time that Angel had fed anywhere near his vicinity without being self-conscious about it.
Great, a quick trip to the john and now everyone’s looking cosy, even Cordelia who was actually sitting next to Spike. Ok, on the other end of the couch, and she was more perched than sitting and Groo was hovering nearby as usual. But she was being un-Cordelia-like because Xander couldn’t see a stake any where near Spike’s chest and yea gods she was smiling!
If he could just make his feet work, he could join them. This wasn’t like high school; here he was one of the cool kids.
“Xander?” Gunn was offering a mug of coffee to him and judging by the expression on his face, he’d been standing there for a while. He took the mug from him.
“Thanks,” he grinned at him sheepishly.
“You ok?”
“Sure, I’m good. Ready for adventure and life-threatening battles.”
Gunn followed his gaze to Angel who was striding around the lobby now, fists and jaw clenched and working up a snit that even had Spike interested enough to raise an eyebrow.
“He gets like that when we have a mission. It could get worse, this time it’s about Connor.”
“I know.”
“So why you over here when he’s over there? This has got to be the furthest I’ve seen you guys apart in the same room since you got here.”
Xander looked at him in surprise. “I’m not being funny here, but you don’t strike me as the relationship counsellor type.”
Gunn frowned. “I’m not. I’m more your ‘Here comes trouble, how do we stop it?’ type.”
“There’s no trouble,” Xander said and suddenly Angel was walking toward them. “Ok, there might be trouble, that is not a happy face.”
“Xander, my office. I need to talk to you.” Angel barely looked at him as he walked by and into the office.
Gunn shrugged his shoulders.
“Ookay.” Xander followed Angel inside and closed the door after them. When he turned round Angel was closing the drapes.
“Angel what’s going on?” Xander’s heart missed a beat and then kick started in accelerated mode. Angel’s face looked like granite about to crack from the inside.
“I don’t know where to start.” Angel’s face softened when he looked at him. “Maybe I do.”
He started to walk toward him advancing slowly, a predatory smile on his face and Xander thought he might laugh or cry with relief. He did neither because Angel pulled him close and started to kiss him hard and didn’t stop until Xander was desperate for oxygen.
“I missed you this morning.” Angel told him and stroked the side of his face with his fingertips.
Xander didn’t say anything. He couldn’t speak.
“Cordy had a vision.”
Xander found he could speak after all. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“I didn’t want to disturb you, you looked peaceful. It wasn’t a big case, I went alone.”
“In daylight?” Xander hated the sound of his voice and winced.
“Sewer tunnels.”
“Right.” Xander buried his face in Angel’s jumper. “I was worried,” he said, his voice muffled.
“I‘ve been doing this a long time. I‘m perfectly capable of handling a case on my own.”
Angel sounded defensive and Xander tightened his arms around his waist.
“I get it, you’re a Superhero. But I’m not and I don’t know what I’d do if … it doesn’t matter. What’s got you all riled up, you looked pretty pissed out there.”
“Willow tells me that Wesley isn’t strong enough to channel the Magicks that are needed for the incantation.”
“So we’ll get somebody else to do it.”
“There is no one else, Willow can’t do it and I don’t know who else can and there isn’t much time. I should have spoken to Wesley sooner but … I don’t know what I expected. To wake up and feel different, for none of this to be necessary.” Angel disentangled himself and started to pace the room.
“I take it that Wesley isn’t strong enough because of his injuries. Unless Will thinks he can’t channel that kind of power at all.”
“I’ve seen Wesley channelling magic before, the problem is he isn’t a hundred percent physically.”
“So what, you want me to persuade Willow to do it?”
“Willow said there’s a spell that can restore his health … ”
“So you want me to persuade her to do that?”
Angel let out a sigh of frustration. “No Xander, I don’t expect you to persuade her to do anything. I just wanted you to know I’ll be putting pressure on her to do it. It doesn’t involve Dark Magicks but I know she still feels shaky and she’s worried about her girlfriend.”
Xander ran his hand over his face. “Angel she’s my best friend but if you remember a few days ago I told you I was on board if you had to kill people to get Connor back. What did you think I was going to say, ‘it’s over if you do this.’?”
“No, I just wanted to let you know before I said anything to her.”
“I thought you believed in me.”
“I do, but people say a lot of things to each other that never get tested in real life; things like ‘I would die for you’ or ‘I‘m happy to blur the lines of my moral code.’ They're nice romantic notions that rarely see the light of day.”
“Unless you live like we do! So what, this is some of a kind of test?”
All the misery that Xander had been feeling for the last hour rushed to the surface and threatened to swamp him, and it must have shown on his face because Angel reached out and clasped his hand. He pulled Xander toward him and perched on the edge of his desk.
“Not from me. I’m just lettin’ you know it’s time to put your money where your mouth is.”
Xander nodded and this time when the relief hit him endorphins made him feel light-headed “Does she have any idea what you want her to do?”
“I think so. I think she wants to do it but she’s afraid to.”
“If you’re going to pressure her anyway, why not get her to do the incantation? Wesley can be my anchor.”
“No, I don’t want to risk her doing that. She’s had too many problems with Dark Magicks and I can’t afford for anything to go wrong and stop me from getting to Connor.”
“I want to be there when you talk to her.”
“I know, I didn’t think you needed to be asked.” Angel closed his eyes for a moment and cursed himself silently. “You’re upset and it has nothing to do with Willow does it?”
Xander didn’t know what to say. “I love you,” he whispered, a panacea for relationship difficulties.
“I know that. Xander you know how I feel about you, nothing has changed; things are just intense at the moment. Can we talk about this later? Because I really need to get on with this.”
“Shall I go get Willow?”
“I asked her to give me ten minutes and follow me in.”
“Oh … Angel if this ends up breaking her, she’s ours. Our responsibility, I won’t send her back to Sunnydale.”
“No question about that.” Angel dropped a light kiss on his lips just as the door was quietly knocked. Xander let go of Angel’s hand and opened it.
“What’s the what guys?” Fake cheer was plastered Willow’s face.
“Hey Willow, come on in.” Angel said. She closed the door behind her and her smile slipped.
“Ok, but you should know that if I’m missing for long, Spike would search for me and avenge my death.”
“This is serious,” Angel looked pained.
“I know it is, that’s why I’m trying to lighten the mood.”
Willow turned to Xander.
“You know I can’t do the incantation.”
“We know, but you can make Wesley better,” Xander said gently.
Angel stood to his full height and crossed his arms. “Willow I know you can do this. I know you’re scared but …”
“I can’t. It isn’t that I don’t want to, but I promised Tara, no more magic. At least not until I can control it.”
Xander opened his mouth but closed it again; Angel should do the talking.
“I haven’t got time to persuade you to do this. I’m not a lawyer; I can’t build a fancy argument. All I know is that I’m running out of time and resources and I need you to help me get my son back. Wesley is the only one I know who can pull this off and without your help he can’t do it. I have no idea what Connor is going through, only that according to the Powers he’s still alive, in a Hell dimension, with a maniac. I think Tara would understand.”
“Wow,” Willow said unhappily, “not bad considering you don’t have a fancy argument.”
Xander hung his head for a moment because he couldn’t bring himself to look at her, not unless he really had to; he wanted it to be her decision.
“Will you do it?” Angel stared at Xander’s bowed head.
“You’re right, Tara will understand. But that won’t make it ok.” Willow’s eyes filled with tears. “She’ll tell me that she would have done the same and then she’ll leave me all over again because I promised.” A tear rolled down her cheek and Xander pulled her into his arms.
“I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”
“You can’t stop that. If Tara leaves me again, you can’t stop it.” She was crying openly now.
“Can’t you talk to her, explain?”
Willow nodded her head numbly. “I can try, but it’s all so new. We only just, we only just started out again.”
She wiped her eyes with her hands and Xander nearly lost his bottle, she looked approximately six years old and like her rabbit had just died.
Angel held out the phone.
~*~
Cordelia was miffed. In fact if she was honest, which she always was, she was pissed. Not one of them had offered to help this time, and granted, some of them had things to be getting on with but not all of them. Oh no, some of them were too busy oohing and ahhing over Willow and trying to satisfy their curiosity about Spike to notice she’d even left the room; even Groo!
So what if Willow was Super Wicca or Spike was defenceless against humans these days - ok, that was worth a grin - that didn’t make them too high and mighty to wash crockery.
“Alright if I smoke down here pet?”
“Gah! Don’t sneak around like that unless you want to get staked!”
Cordelia turned around to see him standing in the doorway a faint smirk on his lips.
“Figured you’d be used to vampires walking by now.”
“Have you met Angel? Sure he can be stealthy around people when he has to be, but we don’t count!” She looked at him curiously. “What are you doing down here anyway, I thought you liked to be the center of attention.”
Spike shook his head and smiled smugly before taking a deep pull on his smoke. He exhaled with such satisfaction that for a moment Cordelia was actually jealous.
His smile broke into a grin.
“What?” Cordelia suppressed memories of Doyle with a shudder, all of them triggered by the twist of a lip.
“I came to help you. Because that lot up there are too busy, making sure there’s enough rabbit chaff in the backpacks,” he smirked at Cordelia’s raised eyebrow and sighed in resignation.
“All right you got me. Red’s bad enough when she’s in geek heaven but put her next to the Texan Loony Toon and it’s enough to make me think I‘ve joined the club. Charlie … he’s not a bad bloke, although his glower does make me think there’s a bit of theme going on here. The Host keeps trying to get me to ‘jam’ with him and I swear your boyfriend, is either trying to mount me or knight me with the way he keeps spouting romantic tripe too twee to grace the pages of a Mills and Boon novel.”
Spike drew smoke in again and Cordelia watched fascinated as the tip glowed orange in the gloom of the hallway leading to the kitchen.
“Then y’got Angel, who’s walking around barking orders like a less pleasant version of himself … ”
“He doesn’t bark orders, much ... He’s nothing like Angelus … ”
“No? That’s right, we get to see him playing out his fantasy as the Caped Crusader and he’s got his very own Boy Wonder hanging on to his every word. Either way you look at it, I’d rather wash dishes.”
Cordelia handed him a towel and grinned at him grudgingly.
“I wash mister, you wipe.”
~*~
Willow asked them both to give her some privacy whilst she talked to Tara and they silently left her to it. They stood by the counter waiting for her to come out and Lorne sauntered over to them.
“Hey Lorne, when did you get in, or up, or here?”
“Hey cupcake, I’ve been around here all the time but I didn’t get back until late and boy did I need the beauty sleep. I’ve met your friends Xander; they seem nice and normal, for a vampire and a witch anyway. No offence Angel.”
“I’m not a witch,” he deadpanned.
“Give it up honey, you’ll never crack this audience.”
“Hey!”
“Willow and me go way back, Spike not so much. He started out as our nemesis and progressed from there to annoying and then merely pathetic.” Xander let out a breath. “Ok you can scratch most of that otherwise I’ll owe Spike another apology. Don’t worry, it’s just a thing.”
“Already forgotten, now if you could just get them to hum a little tune the two of them.”
“No cha … “ Xander trailed off as the office door opened and a slightly happier looking Willow came out to join them.
“Hey.”
“Did you talk to her?”
“Yes. She said I should do it, it being more a prayer than a spell. She’s coming up here later tonight, I didn’t think you would mind, considering.”
“Of course I don’t mind. Look, Willow, I’m sorry ok? If there had been any other way.”
“I know. I’m going up to my room for a while. Oh and I’ll need some ingredients, I didn’t bring anything, because you know, I didn’t know I’d need ‘em.”
“Anything you need, we’ll sort it out,” Angel said his face a mask.
“Just tell me where the nearest magic shop is and I’ll get them myself.”
“D’you want me to come with you?” Xander said.
“No, it’s ok … you should stay here, you might be needed.”
Angel handed her a piece of paper with a couple of addresses scribbled on it and a wad of cash.
“We’ll meet you at the second address at about 5pm. Will you have any trouble finding your way around?”
“I can read and drive, I’ll manage,” she tried for sarcastic and it only came out sounding tired and resigned.
Xander smiled at her sadly and she smiled back. The conversation she had just had with Tara was one of the most terrifying of her life and she couldn’t believe it had ended without heartbreak. The biggest problem was the guilt. It was understandable that Angel would be single minded about getting Connor back but she’d wanted to do it whatever the reason. Tara had been very understanding; it was like a crack dealer telling her this fix came with a pardon from the FBI.
Now Tara was on her way and it only made her feel guiltier, and scared that somewhere down the line she would have to be punished.
“I’ll see you guys later.”
Lorne watched her retreating back with narrowed eyes. “When it comes to charming the ladies Angel, well, I hope you have a better line for the fellers.”
“Lorne.” Angel said quietly with a scowl.
Lorne stepped back and mimed zipping his lips.
“I need to hit something really hard. Coming Xander?”
“Er yay?”
Spike materialised as if from nowhere. “Got a minute mate?”
“Sure, my office. Make it quick.” Spike deliberately avoided Xander’s eyes and followed Angel. The door closed abruptly behind them and Xander stared at it transfixed.
He felt Lorne’s arm across his shoulders and looked up bewildered.
“I was just about to make a pitcher of martini, if it’s not too early for you you’re very welcome to join me.
~*~
Angel watched Spike and waited. He forced himself not to fold his arms and kept his expression neutral. Spike threw himself in Angel’s chair, put his feet on the desk and took out his cigarettes.
“Are you gonna whine if I smoke?”
“No. Are you gonna tell me what’s going on?”
Spike lit his cigarette and pocketed the packet. He was still wearing the same clothes that he’d worn before Angelus made his appearance in Sunnydale and Angel had an insane urge to make him burn the whole outfit, boots, duster and all and then force him to wear something without a faded crotch.
“About last night.”
Angel’s gaze barely wavered, but the slight flicker of his eyes afforded Spike some satisfaction.
“Good fight yeah?” He smirked.
“We got out alive.”
“Oh come on, it was more than that. You had fun, you didn’t used to have fun, the boy’s obviously good for you.”
“I told you he’s not a boy.”
“No but he is naïve.”
“Maybe.”
Spike took his feet off the desk and leaned forward.
“I’m sorry about last night. It wasn’t deliberate, I was restless and there are plenty of places to prowl in this place. I wasn’t trying to ... It didn’t mean anything. It’s just that kind of emotion is attractive and I couldn’t help being drawn.”
“Believe me, I know what you mean, I was on the outside of it for a very long time,” Angel paused. “Maybe you could resolve this thing with Buffy.”
Spike smiled, a warm smile that lit up his eyes and crinkled his face. “Sure you’re feeling alright? I never thought I’d hear those words from you,” he inhaled tobacco and exhaled and then looked at Angel with undisguised sorrow. “Thanks. But there’s nothing to be done about Buffy, you know that. Not why I’m here anyway. I just didn’t want any misunderstandings before we go, there’s enough going on without complications, of the misunderstanding kind that is.”
“Sure. But if you need to talk.”
“Yeah I’m sure Harris will listen to me.” Spike smirked at him again and stood up. “Angel with offspring,” he walked to the door. “can hardly wait to meet the little sod.”
~*~
Xander was pushing the punching bag with his finger when Angel followed him to the basement. He didn’t look round when he heard Angel’s footsteps, but continued to idly push it, the movement a direct contrast to the seething jealousy and fear that was spiralling upwards from his gut.
Angel regarded his stubborn back for a moment.
“Xander?”
When Xander didn’t turn round he stepped between him and the bag, pulled him into his arms and held him tight before claiming his lips with a bruising kiss. The heavy depression that had been chasing him since the early hours of the day was threatening to crush him with its oppression, but here was sanctuary.
Xander was shaking in his arms and he stopped kissing him so he could look at him.
“Did something happen? Willow?”
“It’s not because of Willow, though that wasn’t very nice. I dunno you seemed strange earlier when we made love and then you weren’t there when I woke up. You didn’t leave a note,” Xander said flatly.
“I’m sorry, my relationship skills are a little rusty,” Angel admitted and tightened his hold on him.
Xander looked directly into Angel’s eyes and the mass of emotion swirling in them did nothing to alleviate his fears.
“I can’t make you tell me what’s going on Angel but I’m really confused. We had a great day and night and then, I don’t know you seem to be blowing hot and cold around me. I know some of it has to do with what we’re about to do, I get that you’re hyped.”
“I dreamed about Darla.”
“Is that’s what this is about, a dream?”
“You know what dreams are.”
“Nonsense that your brain mixes up and throws at you, usually involving nudity and a group of laughing schoolgirls. Unless you’re the Slayer dreaming about her impending doom, then I can understand why you might get pissed.”
Angel dropped his head for a minute. “This wasn’t a prophetical dream, I know that, nor did it involve nudity,” he looked up at him and smiled. “But it threw up some problems Xander and I can’t just ignore them, because they’re based on real fears.”
“What kind of fears?”
“That I can’t hold all of this together. That it’s going to have a high price attached to it and that means lives are at stake. What if the only way to get through it is to cut myself off so I don’t make a mistake? Darla told me I had to tap the demon to fuel the man. And she’s right. I have to stay focused and that means I can’t afford to indulge myself.”
Xander rested his hands on Angel’s hips. “What do you want me to say?”
“That I’m wrong.”
“I can’t. But I can tell you that you’re not alone and there’s no need to be. You don’t have to cut yourself off from me, just tell how I can help. Angel, if you want me to back off until this is all over just tell me. But if you’re having doubts about us, you should tell me now because I can’t function properly if I don’t know where I stand.”
Angel stared at him in horror. “I hate how it sounds when you say that out loud. I’m not having doubts about us, I’m worried our involvement is going to cost us or somebody else, but mostly I’m just scared that I’ll screw it up and I’ll lose you. You fill my heart and my head, it doesn’t leave room for much else apart from my heartache and worry for Connor.”
“So this has nothing to do with Spike?”
Angel felt dread wash over him. “What do you mean?”
“You have a history together. Maybe life would be less complicated for you if I stepped aside. ”
“God no! That has nothing to do with it. He said some things that triggered a guilt trip. Set me thinking; perhaps I’m being selfish to want you in my life.”
Xander kissed him gently and Angel wanted to just sink into it and stay there until midnight. Xander broke the kiss and rested his cheek against Angel’s, relief flooding his entire being.
“You know what this is? It’s just a bad mood. And it’s understandable, there’s a lot of pressure on all of us. Nothing has changed between us since yesterday at all; it’s just that now other people are involved. The honeymoon’s over and we have to adjust. Most people just go back to work, we get to go to Hell.”
Angel sighed. “Maybe you’re right. I hope that’s all it is.”
“I’m happy with you. I don’t know what Spike said to you but he doesn’t know anything about us.”
“He’s watching out for you that’s all.”
“Why?”
“You’re Buffy’s friend, that makes you family and because he expects me to screw up like Angelus did with him.”
“You won’t.”
Xander cupped Angel’s jaw and plundered his mouth with his lips and tongue. Desire stirred in Angel and he moaned into the kiss.
“If you’re going to hit this thing you should get a move on, we have to meet Willow soon,” Xander said breathlessly.
“Forget the workout, I want you.”
“My ass says ouch, but the rest of me isn’t listening.”
Angel ran soft kisses up the side of his throat to his jaw line and nibbled there gently before moving in for another kiss. Xander’s fingers were warm on Angel’s nipples and the sensation reduced them to hard pebbles. He broke the kiss to pull his shirt over his head and Xander was on them, sucking hard, laving them with his tongue in turn, his hands sliding up Angel’s thighs so he could clutch at his ass cheeks.
Angel started to walk backwards and the next thing Xander knew was that he was on his back on a mat covered by horny vampire.
“Someone might come down here.”
“I locked the door.”
“How d’you know I’m a sure thing?”
“Because I can do this.” Angel slid his hands down Xander’s torso and ghosted his fingers across the patch of flesh near his waistband making his stomach quiver.
“And this,” he leaned in and bit down on his bottom lip, cupping his length through his trousers, making his cock twitch under the light friction.
“And this,” he popped the top button on his trousers and lowered his zipper slowly. Angel freed Xander’s cock from the confines of his boxers and shimmied down his body to blow gently across the top of his weeping head. Then he sat back on his heels and waited for Xander’s reaction.
Xander opened his eyes in confusion. “Ok I’m a sure thing, now get back over here and finish what you started.”
Angel smiled at him, a smoulder igniting in his eyes before he pushed his shoes, trousers and boxers off, and then he reached forward and pulled off Xander’s sneakers and combat trousers. He mouthed Xander’s cock through his boxers, before licking roughly across his ball sac. Xander squirmed, pushing into contact that wasn’t quite enough and then Angel was pulling his boxers down, pushing his knees up and a cool tongue was at his hole.
He draped his legs over Angel’s shoulders and moaned as the sore skin was licked. He was convinced it was never going to allow access to anything ever again, until Angel pushed the tip of his tongue inside and gently wriggled it about.
Xander thought about all the people walking around above them whilst Angel had his tongue in his ass and his cock grew painfully hard. Angel worked him a little harder, pushing the thick muscle as far in as he could, coating his insides with saliva and easing the tight clench that resisted him. He curled his hand round Xander’s cock and slowly eased the skin up and over the head. He increased his movements until his hand was slick with precum and he felt Xander’s inner muscles give way.
He pulled Xander’s left leg off his shoulder and curled it around his waist. Then he lined his cock head up with the well-prepared pucker and slowly eased his way in. Xander bit his bottom lip against the feel of the burn and made himself relax around the intrusion. Angel pushed until he was buried to the hilt and then he stilled for a moment.
Xander tightened his leg around Angel’s waist and Angel clasped his raised thigh and his hip. They stared at each other for inestimable moments and then Angel started to move. Xander palmed his cock and started to wank himself. Soon he was panting at the combination of pleasure and pain and pumping his hips to meet Angel’s thrusts. Sweat ran between his shoulders as he raised his upper torso so he could kiss him. He clasped the back of Angel’s head and mashed their lips together and already he could feel the spiral of pleasure spreading from his balls.
Angel stroked repeatedly past his prostate provoking sparks of delicious friction and it was all about pleasure now, the burn forgotten. He felt Angel’s fangs descend under the onslaught of his lips and his tongue flick out to catch the blood that welled from Xander’s own. Xander pulled away startled and Angel looked back at him with yellow eyes.
Without conscious thought Xander bared his throat just as his climax hit him and miraculously teeth were slicing into him. It hurt but then it didn’t and the feel of his blood leaving his veins increased the sensation in his balls and he cried out his pleasure until Angel put a hand over his mouth to stifle it.
Angel bucked hard when he came, the taste of Xander’s blood bringing wave after wave of pleasure and he had to fight hard to stop drinking and retract his fangs before he was tempted to give in to the euphoria and carry on until he drained him dry. Shame was already starting to creep in but he couldn’t help licking at the spills before he moved down and pushed Xander’s t-shirt up so he could lap at the come on his belly. Xander’s hands were in his hair now, kneading his scalp and then trying to pull him up so he could kiss him.
Xander licked blood from the corner of Angel’s mouth and plunged his tongue clumsily past fangs so that Angel could taste it. He still couldn’t believe he’d actually bitten him but he knew he wanted him to do it again. It wasn’t just the pleasure it had given him physically, he felt tied to him now in a way he never had to anyone before. It was strange sensation tasting the combination of his come and blood on Angel’s lips and tongue; it triggered a fierce sense of belonging.
Angel pulled out of Xander slowly leaving him with an unwelcome emptiness. He stopped kissing him and looked down at him intently, and it took a while before Xander realised that his features had returned to normal. Angel grabbed his shirt and pressed it to Xander’s throat and bowed his head.
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t regret it, or feel guilty or whatever negative thought is running through your brain. Just don’t. It was amazing and I wanted you to do it.”
“I know … and I wanted to. I shouldn’t have, it’s dangerous but you have no idea what it feels like to have someone’s throat offered to you willingly.”
“You said you needed to tap the demon,” Xander laughed shakily.
“That wasn’t really what I had in mind. Are you hurt?”
“I’m sore … all over now. May our battles in Quor-toth be little ones.”
He crushed Xander to his chest. “You were scared.”
“A little but it just added to the excitement. We should go up, the others will be wondering where we got to. Or not wondering at all and more with the knowing.” Xander put the shirt down. “I think it’s stopped bleeding.”
Angel’s body positively hummed with the effects of Xander’s blood and his cock twitched despite his shame. Everything seemed sharper, his vision had greater clarity and Xander’s heartbeat was loud in Angel’s ears. The smell of spent adrenaline and sex was very strong and the love he felt for Xander at that moment was unbearable. He stared at the wound that was not going to be easy to hide.
“There’s at least one person who won’t be wondering for long. I really know how to complicate things don’t I?”
“This may come as a surprise to you but this is the least complicated relationship I’ve had, at least we’re pulling in the same direction. Angel I instigated it, not you.”
He swept a cursory glance around the basement. “Would it have killed them to make it so that the elevator came down here? They must have known that chambers maids and bellhops were notorious for basement shenanigans.”
Xander stripped his t-shirt off and handed it to Angel and then slipped Angel’s shirt on. “At least this way they’ll only think we had sex and won’t be tempted to stake your ass.”
He stood up and winced, his ass was sore, his throat was sore and he ached all over but he felt more alive than he had in ages. As soon as they were dressed Xander put his arms round Angel’s waist
“What was it like for you, drinking from me?”
“It’s intoxicating to drink from a human and it’s hard to stop once you start. But everything you feel is in there and I got to taste all of it so I was able to pull back, break through the bloodlust. I think you may be addictive, I don’t think we can risk it again.”
Xander blinked hard. How close to death had he been? How close had Angel come to losing his soul?
“I can’t explain why I wanted you to do it, except I suppose I knew it would feel good and I wanted to share that kind of connection with you. But I know you’re right. I guess we were just lucky this time.”
“Xander you’ll never know how close it was.” Xander shivered.
“Maybe not but I can’t regret it. I’m in you now and I don’t know if I can give it up.” Angel stared at him and tried to move from the circle of his arms. Xander tightened his hold.
“Wait! I can wait. We find Connor and then we find a way to break the curse because even if you don’t feed from me again, the better this gets between us, the closer we get to trouble.”
Angel tried to work his throat but sound wouldn’t come out. He reached out and held on to Xander’s frame and marvelled that there could be so much history where this hadn’t felt familiar. Xander ran his hands over his back, a soothing gesture until he felt Angel relax.
Angel kissed the top of his head. “Do you really think that’s possible?”
“Hey I found a way into the Quor-toth didn’t I?”