Forgotten Conscience
by Christopher Andrews
Skipped Parts
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Faith’s POV
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------“Hi Giles, it’s me… Yes, yes I’m all right… No she’s, she’s here with me. No she’s not going to hurt me… No she’s not going to hurt anyone else. Yes I’m sure… I’m sorry I didn’t call but it took me all night to convince her not to skip town…”
She’s lying to protect me again. I don’t know whether to call her on it or just let it go.
“Yes she’s here with me… no I’m not worried. Look we’re just having breakfast and then… we get hungry Giles, it does happen from time to time. We’ll stop by as soon as we finish.”
She looks at me and smiles.
“Everything is gonna be okay Giles, I know it is.”
She’s putting a lot into what’s between us, bad idea. I have a tendency to screw up everything that even comes close to any kinda happiness.
She hangs up the phone and goes back to her breakfast. She looks up at me with a smile and sees the look on my face.
“What?”
“You lied to him.”
She looks down at her muffin for a second.
“I know.”
“I thought you and your gang told each other everything. You’re all about truth, justice and honour.”
“We are.”
“Then what’s with the lying?”
“They’re… they’re not ready yet.”
Not ready?
“Not ready for what?”
She finally looks up at me.
“For us…”
Does she mean what I think she means?
”Us…?”
“What’s happening between us, they’re still trying to deal with you being back in our lives, I don’t think they could deal with it if I told them about our… dating.”
Dating?
“Is that what we’re doing?”
“What do you mean?”
“You and me… we’re dating?”
“Well what would you call it?”
“I dunno but you know, the word dating… it sorta implies that we’ve you know, gone out on dates. We sorta skipped that part and went straight to being lust bunnies.”
She blushes and looks away, composing herself.
“Well maybe we should.”
“Should what?”
“Date… you’re right, I think we’ve skipped a few steps. So maybe we should go back and do the steps we never did.”
“So what you want us to like, go out… like on an actual date and stuff?”
“Well I… yeah, why not?”
“So you’re gonna what, pick me up so we can go out to a nice restaurant and then go see ‘Le Banquet D’Amelia’?”
She punches me in the arm.
“FAITH…”
Ow!
“Angel and I barely made it through that movie without jumping each other; I don’t think we could sit through it. Besides which, it’s not in theatres anymore.”
“So what did you want to do?”
“Well we’re slayers… why don’t we go slaying?”
“You’re taking me to a graveyard on our first date? Boy, you sure know how to treat a lady don’t you B?”
“Hey give me a break. I’m new at this, how bout The Bronze?”
Hmm, good food, good drink, and good pulse pounding music… I could have B begging for it by the end of the night.
“Sure sounds good. When did you wanna do it?”
There’s a moment of silence where we both ponder the subtext of what I just said.
“To The Bronze I meant, when do you wanna go to The Bronze? God B, get your mind out of the gutter would ya?”
It’s not like I wasn’t thinking the same thing, it’s just fun to give B a hard time.
“Well unless you had other plans I was kinda thinking we’d go out tonight.”
“Well right now all of my long and short term plans involved you, me and this comfy bed of yours.”
She laughs and I can’t help but laugh with her.
“I think I can squeeze you in.”
“Okay then… we’ll go see Giles later, and then we’ll make a quick sweep before we head to The Bronze for our first official date.”
She smiles at me.
She looks so happy.
“Sounds like a plan.”
She smiles at me again.
She’s really happy. I hope I don’t do something to screw it up.
Paranoia rears its ugly head
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Buffy’s POV
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------We’re together, that’s all that matters.
We walk down the street to Giles’ place, hand in hand.
What happened last night isn’t important, what’s important is that we ended up together. I’m not trying to act like last night didn’t happen, it did. What she did hurt me in more ways than one. But when she told me she wanted us to be together, everything she said and did became… unimportant. All that matters is we ended up together at the end of the night. That’s what matters.
She pulls me hand to her lips and kisses my knuckles. I squeeze her hand a little as she does.
You know Faith never really struck me as the kind of person who holds hands, but here we are. She’s probably just doing it cause she knows it’s what I’d like. Faith does know me really well, more than anyone else anyway. Oh god, what if everything she said this morning was because she knew it’s what I wanted to hear? I mean she said it herself last night; she’s not the kind of person who falls in love. Why would she say that and then decide the next day that she wants to give us a try? It doesn’t make any sense.
What if that’s the point? There’s no telling what might have gone through her head since she got her memory back. This might just be part of some elaborate plot to screw with my head. She does know how to push my buttons. For all I know this could all be part of the vampire cult’s plan. Maybe the mayor introduced her to them while he was still around and they put this all in motion. But then, they couldn’t have predicted my putting her in a coma… that would’ve screwed up their whole plan.
I look over at her and I feel horrible.
What the hell am I doing? I’m being paranoid is what I’m doing. What I feel for Faith is real, I know it is. I remember what it was like when Xander cast that spell on the women of Sunnydale; it was empty, like being in a dream. What I feel for Faith is so much more real, and it’s more powerful than anything a spell could do. I just hope to hell that she feels the same way. I have to believe she feels at least something. She felt something when she had amnesia, she said so, and even with her memory back, feelings like this just don’t disappear. She’s just confused, like she said. The important thing is that we ended up together, that’s she’s willing to give us a chance.
She stops suddenly in the middle of the street.
“So, are you ready?”
Ready… ready for what?
“For what…?”
“To go to the meeting...”
She points to the stairs leading up to Giles’ place.
I didn’t realize we were here.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
I start to go up the stairs but she grips my hand and stops me.
“Wait…”
Before I can react she pulls me to her and kisses me. I take her in my arms and kiss her back as her tongue slips into my mouth. Her hand grabs the back of my neck, pushing our bodies together even harder.
God damn… I don’t know how I even doubted how she felt; the way she kisses me says it all. It’s deep and passionate and filled with desire.
We finally break our kiss and look into each other’s eyes.
“Sorry about the surprise, I had to get my Buffy fix before we went in there.”
“I’ve had worse surprises.”
“Plus now I got something to think about while you and the Scoobies talk about whatever.”
I put my hand against her cheek and she nuzzles it a bit.
“Are you okay with this? Are you okay with us not telling the gang about… us?”
“Yeah, yeah sure… oops, I got a little lipstick on ya there B.”
She uses her thumb to wipe off the smudged make up off my face.
“There, good as new.”
I feel her hand slide between my legs and it makes me stand on my tip-toes.
“Look B, I’m okay with our not telling your friends about us. As long as you know that we’re gonna have to tell them eventually.”
“I know and we…”
My hips gyrate as her fingers move between my legs.
We gotta stop this before someone sees us.
I slap her hand away and smile.
“Stop it Faith, someone might see us.”
“That was kinda the point B.”
“We will tell them eventually… as soon as they start to accept you in their lives again, we’ll tell them.”
“Okay.”
I put my hands on her cheeks and plant a quick kiss on her lips.
“Thank you, this means a lot to me.”
“Then it must be the right thing.”
We smile at each other for a few moments before I break the silence.
“So, are you ready to go in?”
“Sure, let’s go.”
We start up the stairs.
Empty Words
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Buffy’s POV
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------We walk through the door and everyone looks up for a second before going back to what they were doing.
Well this is going well. Looks like I’m gonna have to be the tension breaker again.
“Hey guys look at what I found.”
I smack Faith between the shoulder blades like I was a football jock congratulating her on a great play.
No one reacts.
She looks back at me and sorta happily glares at me.
I suppose it’s better than the evil ‘I want you dead’ looks she used to give me.
She punches me in the shoulder.
Ow!
“Why don’t you let me handle this B?”
Something tells me this might not be a good idea but I don’t get a chance to protest.
She starts walking to the middle of the room.
“Thanks.”
Faith isn’t really known for her sensitivity, and right now that’s what we need.
“Okay, here we go. I know I messed up royally, not just my life but your lives too. I’ve done a lot of things, some of which I’m not proud of. Mainly you know, killing a bunch of innocent people who really didn’t deserve what I did to them. Not to mention everything I did to you guys, B especially. But there’s nothing I can do to change what I did, to any of you, so that’s why I’m not gonna apologize for anything.”
I’m surprised no one’s bothered to interrupt. The only one who looks even sorta mad is Anya, which is weird, the rest of them are just sorta uncomfortably silent. Maybe I should be the one to interrupt.
I walk over next to Faith to stop her.
“Faith maybe you shouldn’t…”
She stops me.
“It’s okay B, this has to be said.”
She puts her arm around my shoulders and I’m suddenly wondering what it is that she thinks needs to be said.
“Me and B here, we talked about this. Well we talked about this when I was amnesia girl but we still talked about it, but that’s not the point. The point is, I’m not evil and I never was. I just… made some bad decisions. But like I said, I’m not gonna apologize cause I was doing the right thing for me at the time and as far as I’m concerned you guys were trying to do the right thing when you tried to help me, but I wasn’t ready. I’m ready now though.”
I’m not sure whether to be proud of her or be afraid of what she’ll say next.
She takes her arm off my shoulders but her hand slides down my back, out of sight of the gang.
“I’m ready to be all the slayer I can be, to help you Scoobies fight the good fight and all that.”
Her hand grabs my ass and I manage to stop from jumping before anybody notices.
“I’m not saying I’m gonna become some prissy little good girl like Buffy here but I’m ready to help, as long as you’ll let me.”
Pride… I’m definitely feeling proud of her right now. She’s facing her problems because of how I helped her. She never would’ve done it if we hadn’t talked I guess some good did come from her amnesia.
I look over at her for a second.
Not to mention a few other things.
Everyone still looks uncomfortable after everything she’s said.
“I know it won’t be fun, for any of us. I’m gonna have to earn back your trust and stuff, but I figure as long as I don’t try and maim or kill any of you then we’ll be five by five.”
“That’s easier said than done.”
“Anya.”
“What?”
“You got a problem babe?”
“Yeah you’re gonna get us all killed.”
What?
“What?”
“Anya.”
“Oh come on Xander, after everything that Willow was just…”
“Anya please...”
Was Willow talking before we came in? I don’t remember hearing anything. Is that why they’ve been so quiet?
“Hey, if she’s got something to say…”
Faith goes over to the bar and grabs a stool before bringing it back and taking a seat.
“Let her say it.”
I’m sorta frozen the way I am. I’m not sure what to do.
“You’re trying to kill us.”
“Are you mentally deficient or something? I just got done saying I’m not here to kill anyone.”
“Not intentionally anyway...”
Okay time to get involved.
“You stupid bit…”
“Faith don’t… it’s okay.”
I turn to face Anya.
“Anya, Faith isn’t here to hurt anyone.”
“But Willow said she was here to kill us all.”
“I DID NOT! Buffy I didn’t say that.”
There’s something they aren’t telling us.
“Guys…”
I grab a stool for myself.
“There’s something you’re not saying and I think it’s time someone other than Anya tried to say it.”
“I’m for that, let’s hear it.”
Anya starts to protest then stops, sitting back in her seat and crosses her arms over her chest.
“Okay now what’s going on?”
Giles is the first to speak up.
“Buffy, Willow has done some research on the obsession spell and…”
Something is definitely wrong.
“What?”
“I’m afraid the news isn’t good.”
“What? What did you find out Willow?”
“Well I… from what I’ve found out this is no ordinary spell. It’s not just supposed to go off when the trigger is pulled. It’s more than that.”
This is starting to freak me out.
“What else does it do?”
“It works through the subconscious.”
Through her subconscious?
“How exactly?”
“We’re not sure, but from what we can tell it’s supposed to give instructions. It tells her to do and say and think things she might not normally think.”
What? So… so all this time we’ve spent together we… she didn’t mean any of the… the…
“Oh I get it… you didn’t bother interrupting cause you don’t think I meant a word I said. Nice to know we’re working on that whole trust thing.”
What if the spell made her feel things for me?
“I don’t care what some books says about some stupid spell, I’m in charge of my own life and I make my own decisions.”
I look over at her and she’s looking back with a look of fear on her face. Her expression quickly changes to anger before turning back to the gang. Giles breaks in again.
“Faith we don’t doubt the sincerity of your words. Our difficulty is in the fact that you can not control what this spell might make you do. You could hurt someone, and given that you’re living with Buffy we simply feel that…”
“You’re worried that I’ll kill Buffy in her sleep or something.”
The only thought I can process is…
“Faith…”
“Hey it’s okay, it’s not like I expected them to trust me right away.”
“As I was saying a second ago, it’s not about trust Faith it’s about what the spell is doing to you.”
What if the spell is more powerful than that? What if the spell is telling her how to feel too? Then everything she said about… about how she…
“Look just because Buffy’s the trigger doesn’t mean I’m gonna… kill… her.”
Everyone looks at us before she finishes her sentence.
Oh god, did she just say that?
“What?”
“Buffy’s the trigger?”
She definitely did say it. What do I do?
“Buffy did you know about this?”
I can’t think. What do I say?
“N-No… I didn’t.”
“When did you figure this out Faith?”
“Buffy told me.”
“FAITH!”
How could she say that?
“They were bound to find out sooner or later B. Better they find out from us then read it in one of these damn books.”
“How long have you know?”
I look at Giles.
“Does it matter?”
“Course it matters Buff. We need to know how long you’ve been lying to us.”
“Xander. Look Buffy it’s not important how long you’ve known but… well, if you had told us earlier I could’ve had a counter spell ready by now and you know… HELPED Faith.”
“Right cause we all know helping me and not about protecting Buffy at all.”
“There’s no telling what she could’ve done to you. Why didn’t you tell us that you suspected?”
“Because I was afraid.”
“Afraid? Afraid of what?”
Of what?
“Of what? Of this… of you guys jumping to conclusions about why she’s really here, or about how she’s going to kill me in my sleep or something. But I guess it didn’t stop you from making stupid accusations against her.”
“Buffy whether she wants to or not she’s going to try and kill you.”
Faith decides to speak her mind again.
“Uh, hello. SHE is still in the room here, and if you Scoobies are gonna make a big deal out of all this then maybe I should just move out and stay in my own place.”
Move out? Move away from me? Duh, that’s the whole point of the moving out idea. I don’t want her to move out. I want her to stay with me so we can spend time together and most of all so we can be together.
Giles chimes in with his usual too British to sound happy tone.
“Under the circumstances I think that would be the ideal solution.”
No, BAD solution… very, very BAD solution.
“No… w-what if… what if she skips town?”
Good… that was a good point.
“I’m not gonna skip town, I didn’t last night even though I could’ve. Besides, if this spell does what they say it does and it’s making me want you…”
She stops mid-sentence and I panic. She looks me in the eyes and I know she’s having the same thoughts I was a second ago.
Finish the sentence, dear god finish the sentence.
“… around then I doubt it would let me leave town even if I wanted to.”
She’s thinking this spell isn’t just telling her what to do and say but it’s also telling her how to feel about me. Oh god, what is gonna happen? What am I gonna do? What is SHE gonna do? Oh god.
“That seems like a logical conclusion.”
What? Do something before everything falls apart. I have to think up a way to get her to stay with me.
“What about the cult boys?”
Good point, go, run with it.
“What if she gets attacked when she’s alone? She could get killed.”
“Hey I can handle myself.”
“What about when we were attacked in the graveyard? We barely got out of that alive, if Spike hadn’t been there…”
“You’re welcome.”
We all have the same thought.
“Shut up Spike.”
We go back to our conversation.
“You’re forgetting something B. I had no memory when we got attacked; all I had to go on was what you taught me. But with my memory back and everything you taught me, I’m a better slayer than I’ve ever been. Plus after last night, you and I both know I’m stronger than I’ve ever been.”
Last night?
Willow breaks in.
“What happened last night?”
I feel my ribs and they’re still a little sore.
“Oh well, when B was trying to stop me from leaving town, things got a little… physical.”
She makes sure to look me in the eyes when she says physical with extra sarcasm on the word.
“Anyway, we got into a fight like most of our arguments end up coming to anyway, and I won. I was stronger, faster, and more powerful. But that isn’t the point; the point is if those bastards come at me I’ll kill them dead. Even though I don’t think they will.”
What is she talking about?
“What do you mean? They’ve done so much to you already.”
“Exactly, they’ve spent so much time doing what they’ve done to me. I don’t see them killing me any time soon.”
I’ve got nothing.
“She’s right Buffy.”
There’s nothing I can do or say to stop her from moving out.
“Okay, okay… but if one of us ends up dead I’m gonna have to say I told you so.”
I feel like I wanna cry but I hold it back.
“Cool, so B and I will go patrolling to see if we can dust a few cult boys before I pack and stay at a motel.”
She’s moving out. She’s moving out and there’s nothing I can do about it.
“Okay? Okay… so me and B will go do what we do best, and you egg heads can stay here and dig up dirt on the big evil lurking in this hellish town. Sounds good?”
No one says anything. Faith gets off her stool and comes over to me. She puts her arm around me and I get up as she tries to get me to leave. I can’t think straight and I just do what Faith wants.
“Wait, Faith we still have things to…”
“We can do it tomorrow, it’s not like any of us are going anywhere.”
I don’t want to leave but my lack of thoughts aren’t reaching my legs to make them stop.
“It’s not like it’s the end of the world.”
We leave Giles’.
The rest of the world may not be ending but I feel like mine is crumbling down around me.
Crumbling down around me
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Buffy’s POV
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------We haven’t said anything since we left Giles’ place a few minutes ago. I’m not sure either of us know what to say. How the hell do you start a conversation like this? I’m not sure I even have the words to talk about this. She’s moving out, she’s moving out and I know at least part of why she’s moving out is because of what the guys said about the spell on her. She doesn’t think what’s between us is real anymore. But I know it is, I know in my heart it’s real. But Faith isn’t sure anymore, I could see it when she looked at me. I have to convince her not to move out… don’t I?
Faith stops in the middle of the sidewalk and looks up and down the street.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I just wanted to make sure no one was following us.”
“Why?”
“So I could do this…”
She grabs me by the belt and pulls me to her, kissing me as our bodies melt together.
God she’s such an incredible kisser, I can’t help but kiss back.
I feel her tongue slip into my mouth and it makes me weak in the knees. For a moment I forget everything that…
What am I doing? What is she doing? What’s going on? I should… I should…
Her hand brushes against my suddenly erect nipple and I lean into her a little bit.
I have to, to stop this.
I push her away despite my racing heartbeat.
“What are you doing?”
“Um, kissing you?”
“Y-yeah but… but why?”
“Cause I figured we’d enjoy ourselves before our date.”
Our date? Okay now I’m confused.
“What?”
“We’re still going aren’t we?”
What is she talking about?
“Faith! What… what about what you said back there, at Giles’?”
“What about it?”
“Faith you… you told them you were moving out.”
“Well yeah.”
“But why?”
“You were at the same meeting I was, weren’t you B? I’m trying to do the right thing, for everyone.”
The right thing for everyone? Hearing Faith say she’s doing the right thing is kinda a shock.
“But…”
“Your friends don’t trust me staying with you B, so I’m moving out. Isn’t that what we good guys are supposed to do? The right thing and all that. This is what you wanted.”
“What I wanted?”
“You wanted me to make peace with your friends and you know, make them trust me again.”
But…
“But I don’t want to move out.”
“Why not?”
I don’t know how to answer that.
“I mean what about all that talk this morning about going back and doing all those things that we didn’t do?”
“What about it?”
“Well correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure people who… get in… involved don’t live together first.”
“Well I... no I, they don’t but…”
“Then all the more reason that… I should move out. So we can, you know… do… things… right… and all that s-stuff.”
She keeps stuttering when she tries to talk about us. This isn’t really about her doing the right thing. This about me and her.
“Faith is this really about what my friends think?”
“Oh what? Are you gonna shrink me now B?”
“No, what I’m gonna do is tell you what I think you’re thinking and then you’ll tell me how wrong I am even though you know I’m right and then we’re gonna fight about it.”
“Well then, why don’t we just skip it?”
She starts to walk away but I grab her arm and stop her.
“Faith this isn’t about the right thing, this is about us. This is about how you’re not sure that we have is real anymore. But it is, I know it is.”
I reach out and touch her cheek. She closes her eyes and nuzzles her face into my touch.
“I can feel it when we touch.”
I move closer to her, putting my hand on her other cheek and drawing our lips near.
“I can taste it on your lips when we kiss.”
She inhales quickly through her nose as I kiss her. It takes her a second but she kisses me back and I feel it.
I love her, and I know by the way she kisses me back that she loves me too, whether she admits it or not.
I close my eyes and savour the feeling of Faith’s lips against mine. She breaks our kiss and pushes away. I’m still living in the moment.
“Faith…”
I open my eyes to see Faith backing away.
“Don’t you see? We’re meant to be together. I know you felt it.”
“Yes… I did.”
Thank god.
“But it was fake.”
No…
“It was the spell telling me I’m attracted to you, and that I wanted you.”
“Faith, I-I know what it’s like to be under a love spell and it’s not like this.”
I get closer to her.
“A love spell is shallow and empty, what we have is deep and passionate, which is real.”
“Okay you… you’ve gotta stop with this we stuff. Maybe what you feel is real but as far as I’m concerned anything I might be feeling is all part of some screwed up evil plan to drive me insane.”
I-I don’t know what to say.
“FINE!”
I don’t know why I’m angry with her but I need to yell.
“If that’s the way you really feel about it then just GO! Go ahead and move out and leave me if you want. Just give up on us before we even start.”
“Okay I will. As soon as Red fixes me I’m outta here.”
“If that’s what you really want.”
“I’m gonna blow this pop stand and everyone in it.”
“Sounds like a good idea to me.”
She turns around and starts to walk away.
“Fine!”
I turn around and start to walk the other way.
If she’s gonna give up and leave me then I’m not gonna stop her.
I turn around to stop her and freeze.
No, I’m not gonna be pathetic and go running after her, begging her to stay.
I turn and leave.
If we’re truly meant to be then we’ll be together again. If she really does care about me like I know she does then she’ll come back to me.
I suddenly find myself in a graveyard.
Good, I could use a good slay.
Sometimes you gotta take the risk------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tara’s POV
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------“So what do we do?”
Hun?
I look up at the people in the room.
I should be paying more attention but no one’s saying anything, and I can’t stop thinking about when Buffy and Faith were here. They may have put on a brave front, right up until Faith nearly pushed Buffy out the door, but inside they were scared. I could almost feel it resonating off them. They’re worried about what countering the spell will do to them. I don’t think either of them realize that they’re worried about the same thing. I dunno how this is gonna hurt them but I get the impression this is gonna get worse before it gets better.
“I don’t know I mean, it sounds like she means it but how much of what she says is real and how much is fake?”
“Well I bet we’ll find out after I counter the spell on Faith.”
I guess Willow’s my one saving grace. Besides Buffy, Willow’s the one person who’s trying to really help Faith. She’s still angry with Faith but she’s willing to put that aside to help Faith. That’s something at least.
“How long do you suspect it’ll take for you to counter the spell Willow?”
“Well now that I um… that we um… now that we know what Faith’s trigger is it’s just a matter of incorporating the trigger into the spell. I should have a way to break the spell by tomorrow.”
“All right, with that out of the way perhaps we can concentrate on WHY they did this instead of what Faith will do next.”
“Can we?”
We look at Xander.
He’s still a little iffy about the whole having Faith around thing.
“I mean Faith isn’t really the most trust worthy person in the world. Even if Willow can break the spell, are we sure we can trust Faith? For all we know when the spell wears off she could decide that everything she said a few minutes ago was a lie and goes back to her homicidal ways?”
“I suppose that’s a risk we shall have to take.”
I should say something.
“It’s a risk that could get us all killed.”
I should do something to calm them down.
“In a worst case scenario perhaps but…”
“Even in a best case scenario do you think we can trust Faith?”
“I do.”
Everyone looks at me.
Okay I expected this just… just try and explain yourself without stuttering.
“You do?”
“You do what exactly?”
“I… I um… I believe h-her… I mean I … I believe w-we can t-trust her.”
“Honey, what do you mean?”
Willow takes my hand in hers and I look up at her. She smiles at me but behind it I can see concern in her eyes.
Okay try with a few less stutters this time.
“F-Faith, I think we can trust h-her.”
“How does she know that?”
Willow pulls my hand to her chest.
“Tara, are you sure?”
I look her in the eyes.
“Yes.”
The concern in her eyes fades slightly.
“Okay, then we can trust Faith not to go psycho on us.”
“What? Um, I gotta say… I don’t think Tara’s word is enough to go on.”
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to agree with Xander. With all due respect to you Tara, you’ve had the least amount of contact with her. I can not see how you could know that we can trust Faith.”
“I um… I know things.”
“Perhaps you could elaborate on what it is you know.”
“W-Well I um… I-I…”
Willow steps in to save me from myself.
“Tara’s sorta clairvoyant.”
It’s hard for me to talk to people in general, and it’s even harder about myself.
“She looks pretty solid to me.”
“Clair-VOIANT Xander, Willow do you mean to tell us that Tara is able to see the future?”
“No it’s… it’s different than that. See Tara can read auras, and doing that gives her an instinct about what people are feeling and thinking. It’s sorta like a mix of clairvoyance and telepathy. Does that make any sense?”
“Well if it’s true then I suppose it would be something to build on. Never the less I think caution is preferable.”
“Yeah, lots of caution.”
“Right then, Willow you and Tara work on the counter spell and Xander and I will continue to try and find something on this prophecy. With any luck it might even tell us why this has been done to Faith.”
“Yeah that would make our lives easier.”
I hope this’ll make things better.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John’s POV
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Where is she? I had her a second ago. Damn college parties, when will humans learn that getting together, getting drunk and passing out is not real fun.
I shove some drunk moron out of the way to get a better look at the crowd.
There she is my next victim. She hasn’t left the party yet, but then again why would she? She lives here at Stevenson; she can go home any time she wants all she needs to do is go up a few floors. Not that she’s gonna get the chance.
I feel my belt line to make sure it’s still there as I get closer to her.
I can still smell the dried blood on it.
I come up to her and put on my best shy boy face.
“Um, excuse me…”
She turns around, her blonde hair nearly hitting me in the face as she spins.
“Yes?”
“Um, hi…”
I scratch the back of my head like I’m trying to work up the courage to say what I have to say next.
“Hi!”
“Um, I’m not really good at this kinda thing so um…”
I stick out my hand.
“I’m John, J-John Markette.”
She takes my hand and shakes it.
“Brenda Spencer.”
All right you gotta play this cute.
“Okay now, I hadn’t really planned beyond this point so um… what’s your major?”
She laughs at me.
Got her.
Doubt is a mother fucker------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Faith’s POV
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Well that’s what I get.
I open my third beer in half an hour and take a swig.
That’s what I get for trying to do the right thing.
I take another sip of my beer and go back to watching people dance on the dance floor.
I try and be the noble good girl, and everything falls apart on me. I should’ve learned by now that no good deed goes unpunished. No matter how good I try to be it always ends badly. I thought things would be different with B. I thought maybe because I felt happy with Buffy that maybe things would be okay and we could get through this. I was wrong. She might make me incredibly happy when we’re together but it isn’t real… it WASN’T real.
I take a swig of beer to try and drown it out.
But ever since I had that fight with Buffy I’ve felt this horrible pain inside me and I can’t stop it. Usually when I feel this bad I just go out, get drunk, screw some random guy and I feel better with a major hangover in the morning. But it’s not working, most of the time I feel at least a little better after a few drinks but this time it just feels worse.
I chug the rest of the beer down and drop the bottle down on the table.
God, it’s not going away. Maybe if I stop thinking about it it’ll go away. If I ignore it I’ll feel better.
I look over the crowd to find something, someone to focus on. My distraction doesn’t last long though as my eyes rest upon two particular dancers. There were two chicks, a blonde and a brunette to boot dancing together without a care in the world.
That was supposed to be us. B and I are supposed to be out on that dance floor gyrating our hips to the music, grinding our bodies together, touching each other in all the right… inappropriate places. God what I wouldn’t give to feel good like that again, even if it was fake.
God damn it I don’t care anymore. I don’t care if it was fake or if it’s real or some freakish in between thing, I just wanna feel like I do with Buffy again. I wanna feel happy again. I don’t wanna feel this pain anymore, and there’s only one person who can help me.
I get up nearly tripping over my own feet as I do.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buffy’s POV
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------“What the hell does she…?”
I hit him with a round house kick to the head.
“WANT?”
“Who?”
I kick him in the side rather than answer his question.
“Everything was going so…”
The vamp tries to get up but I knock him on his back with a front kick to the face.
“… WELL. We were going to be to-together.”
He starts to get up again and I grab him by the collar. I pick him up over my head.
“Tonight was even supposed to be our first date.”
I throw him clear over a nearby tombstone sending him face first into the dirt.
“This was supposed to be the greatest night of our lives, and then she had to go and ruin it by pretending what we haven’t isn’t real.”
The vamp struggles to get to his feet.
“SHE? Slayer, are you gay?”
I look over at him and my blood boils. I run at him as he gets to his feet. I stop in my tracks as he throws a punch that barely misses my face. I throw my own punch which sends him tumbling over another gravestone behind him.
“So what if I am? It doesn’t change the fact that I’m kicking your ass.”
I rush over to him and kneel over his body. I star pounding on him between breaths.
“Besides… what she and I h… have isn’t as simple as g-gay or… straight. It’s about… two… people in… in love. No matter who they are.”
I stop pounding on him for a second.
“Got it?”
He smiles up at me despite the blood coming off his face.
“Yeah, but you gotta admit, a gay slayer… it’s kinda funny.”
Stupid vampires.
I pull a stake out of my inside jacket pocket.
“Shut up!”
I stake him in the heart and he bursts into dust.
Damn vampires, what the hell do they know?
I get up and dust myself off.
You know I think I feel better. It’s a good thing I staked him though, cause otherwise I’d be itching to go find Faith or at least a good chunk of cookie dough. You know I think I’m gonna go home and sleep it off. Maybe things will look better in the morning.
I turn around, still getting the last bits of dust off my shirt, and I run into someone nearly knocking them over.
“Oh geez, I’m sorry I was just… I wasn’t watching where I was going I… I’m sorry are you all…”
I look up at the person I ran over.
“… Right?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Riley, what are you doing here?”
“I’m guessing the same thing you are, except with a few more friends.”
A couple of Riley’s initiative buddies come out of nowhere.
“Why are you out here alone? I figured you’d be out slaying with Faith. Where is she?”
Oh geez, what do I do? How do I tell him why she isn’t here without telling him what we fought about? God I can’t keep stringing people along like this, especially Riley. Maybe it’s time I sat down and talked with him.
“Riley um, I need to talk to you.”
“Okay sure, what do you wanna talk about?”
I’m suddenly very aware of Riley’s platoon buddies.
“Um, do you think maybe…? This is kinda a private conversation…”
He looks back at his patrolling boys.
“Oh right um…”
He turns around to talk to them.
“Okay fan out and form a perimeter. If you locate an H.S.T. call for back up. I’ll be here in case of emergency. Let’s bag and tag it people.”
They acknowledge his orders and start to move out over the graveyard.
“Okay, what did you need to talk about?”
I look around.
“There’s a bench over there, do you mind if we sit down?”
“Well I’m supposed to be on duty.”
“Please Riley it’s important.”
He takes a second to think.
“Okay, if it’s that important to you.”
We walk over to the bench at the edge of the graveyard and sit down. I take a deep breath.
“First off, I wanna start by saying I’m sorry about what happened the other day.”
“It’s all right.”
“No it’s not.”
“Yes it is. You were obviously extremely upset.”
“But that still doesn’t mean…”
He takes my hand.
“It’s okay.”
“Even if you are okay with what happened I still need to talk about why it happened.”
“Okay, whatever you need.”
“Riley over the last little while I’ve been going through some… changes.”
“I wish you’d told me sooner, I could’ve tried to help you through it.”
“It’s… it’s not the kind of changes that you can help with. They’re kinda… personal changes.”
“Well what kind of changes are they? Maybe I went through them when I started college.”
“Riley I know all you’re trying to do is help but that’s not what I need. What I need from you is um… space.”
We sit in silence for a moment.
“Buffy, are you breaking up with me?”
I look down at the sidewalk.
I don’t think I can look him in the eyes to say this.
“Yes… I am.”
Again a moment of silence but it gives me a chance to work up the courage to look at him.
“Was it me? Um, I don’t mean to make this about me but did… did I do something? Or did I not do something?”
“No Riley, no it’s not you it’s me.”
“Right, the age old ‘it’s not you it’s me’ speech.”
“Honestly Riley I’m just… I’m all over the place, emotionally. I need to figure out where this is taking me.”
I know exactly where it’s taking me, straight to Faith, but I can’t tell him that. It would hurt him to know.
“You’re a great guy Riley, any woman would be lucky to be with you, it’s just… I’m not that girl, I’m sorry.”
“This is my fault. I should’ve paid more attention.”
“No it’s…”
He gets off the bench and faces me.
“I should’ve been more understanding about the whole slayer thing. I should’ve trusted that you knew what you were doing when you asked me to help Faith.”
“No Riley there’s wasn’t anything…”
This is not how I was hoping this would go.
“I should’ve been more attentive, or ran after you when you ran off yesterday. I should’ve…”
“Riley I think I’m in love with…”
I look down at my sweaty hands.
“I think I’m falling in love with, someone.”
We fall into silence again and I struggle to look up at him.
Riley’s walkie-talkie comes to life.
“Lilac One this is Lilac Two, possible H.S.T. at 35 degrees north-west.”
He ignores it.
“Who?”
“Does it matter?”
His walkie-talkie buzzes to life again.
“Confirmed, moving in on it from an easterly direction, requesting back up.”
“Riley shouldn’t you go help them?”
We don’t say anything.
“Lilac Two to all available units, the H.S.T. is class 3. Repeat the H.S.T. is class 3. All available units converge on my position.”
He’s ignoring them it should like it’s important.
“Riley shouldn’t you answer that?”
He doesn’t answer me; he just keeps looking at me.
I know he wants me to tell him who I’m in love with but, I’m not ready to tell him or anyone yet.
“All available units I need back up. Riley where the hell are you?”
“Riley maybe we should go help them.”
“No, no it’s okay. We’ll handle this Buffy we’ll handle this without you.”
He runs off to help his commando buddies.
Should I go help them? No, I’d only distract him even more than I’ve already done. I might even get him killed. I’m just gonna go home and try and look at everything in a better light tomorrow morning.
I get off the bench and start back to my dorm.
God I wish I was going home to Faith.
I can taste the desperation on your lips, or is that the beer?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buffy’s POV
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I did the right thing didn’t I?
I walk into my dorm room, closing the door behind me.
I mean I know I hurt Riley but its for the best. If Faith and I are going to have any kind of a chance I can’t have my relationship with Riley looming over our heads.
I take off my jacket and throw it over the computer chair at my desk.
Of course whether Riley and I are broken up or not won’t matter at all unless I can make things right with Faith.
I throw myself face first on to the bed.
But how do I do that?
I prop myself up on my elbows and bury my face in my hands.
How do I convince her that what we have it real and passionate without her turning it into some evil plan?
I move my hands to pull my hair back and let my head drop into the pillow.
I can’t… she’s not going to believe in us unless she wants to. Given our last conversation I don’t see her believing in us anytime soon. There’s no telling what will happen when the spell comes off, which means I have until the spell comes off to convince her that she loves me.
I roll over on to my back, pushing my hair out of my face as I do.
Unless Willow finds a way to break the spell tonight and we have it all ready for tomorrow. I’m screwed if that happens. God Faith, I wish you were here.
All of the sudden there’s a knock at the door. I sit up in bed and look to the door.
No… it couldn’t be, could it? Oh god please let it be her. Okay Buffy there’s only one way to find out.
I get up off the bed and fix my clothes and make up as best I can in case it is her and run my hands through my hair once as I move to the door. I open it and my heart jumps.
“Faith…”
I take a step back.
“W… what are you…”
She comes at me and I’m still in shock.
She grabs me and kisses me deeply.
“It hurts Buffy… it hurts so much…”
She kisses me between phrases.
I barely manage to think, is she hurt? Is she bleeding?
“Faith… Faith what’s wrong? Did you… did you… did you go… go slaying? Did you, did something…?”
“No Buffy the… the thought… the thought of… of losing you it… it hurts, it hurts so much.”
“Faith you… you’re not going to… to lose me… no matter… no matter what.”
She pulls me to her, grabbing at me in a desperate attempt to feel… something.
“You don’t know that… you, you can’t know that… the things I’ve said…”
“It’s all right F… Faith… I forgive… you… as long as we end up together than all is forgiven… as long as we love… each other then we’ll work through it…”
“But… but what if… what if we can’t I mean… the spell… the spell it…”
I put my hand against her cheeks.
“We’ll find a way to be together… no matter what it takes.”
“B… Buffy…”
We move towards the bed as she starts kissing me deeper.
“I want to… to… I want us to work… work through this but… but the pain… the feeling that I might l-lose how happy you m-make me… it hurts.”
We hit the foot of the bed and she falls on top of me.
“I need you B. I need you to help me make it better Buffy.”
I feel her hand push up under my shirt, sliding against my covered skin.
“Of course, F-Faith what… whatever you n-need.”
She takes my hand in hers, guiding it down her body between her legs. She presses my hand against her sweetness and my whole body tenses up.
“I need you Buffy…”
She looks at me and it’s as if I can feel how desperate she is. I feel how much she needs this.
“I need to feel something other than this… this horrible p-pain. It won’t stop…”
“Faith I…”
She runs her free hand through my hair and stares into me.
“You’re the only one B… you’re the only one who can make me feel anything. You’re… you’re the one who can make all my pain go away.”
What she wants from me is sex, what she needs from me is love.
As if she senses the battle going on in my head she puts more of her weight on me. She whispers to me as our lips get inches from each other.
“Please…”
A tear drips down her face and onto my lips and I don’t have the power to resist her as I taste her tears. I kiss her deeply as I flip her on her back. I push her long chestnut locks out of her face as I look down at her.
“Faith I…”
My hand moves against her leathers and she gasps with pleasure and her body pushes up against mine.
“Faith I’ve never d-done anything like, like this… before.”
“Just do… to me what, what you would do to your… self.”
She looks at me and tries to smile but the tear streaming down her cheek tells me she’s hurting inside. I wipe away the tear with my thumb.
“Faith if I… if I do this, I want you to know that this isn’t about me, this isn’t even about us…”
I move my hand up and pop the button on her pants.
“This is about you.”
I push my hand under her leathers, unzipping her zipper as I get deeper.
“Buffy…”
“It’s all right Faith.”
My hand moves under her thong and she gasps with ecstasy
I didn’t want it to be this way, I wanted it to be different.
My fingers press against her warm, wet lips and she moans.
“Buffy I… I didn’t want it to happen this way I just… it hurts so much.”
“Ssh, I know. I know it hurts…”
She arches into me as I start to slip two fingers inside her. I kiss her lightly and look down at her as her breathing quickens.
“I’ll make everything better.”
She lets out a deep breath she’d been holding in as I start to pump into her slowly. I kiss her as her hips start to move to the rhythm of my fingers inside her. My pace gets quicker and her whole body gets into it.
“Oh Buffy…”
“It’s okay Faith… it’s all gonna be okay.”
She closes her eyes as the pleasure over takes her and I feel her innards start to squeeze against my fingers.
“Buffy…”
I can feel my heart pounding in my chest.
“Faith…”
Her hands move up and rest against my back. My fingers pump faster and deeper into her.
“Faith look at me…”
She manages to pry her eyelids apart to look at me.
“Faith I want you to feel something…”
She doesn’t say anything as every thrust I make sends her closer to orgasm. I take one of her hands from my waist and place it against my thumping heart.
“Can you feel it? Can you feel my heart pounding Faith?”
She manages to moan a response between pants and gasps.
“Yes…”
“It’s beating for you Faith… it’s beating only for you.”
I feel the pressure building inside her as I kiss her deeply. I break our kiss as she’s pushed over the edge with a final thrust. Her whole body convulses with pleasure, grasping at my sheets with her free hand.
“B-BUFFY!!”
She collapses on the bed, spent. After a few moments she opens her eyes, her hand leaving my chest, as she looks at me. I pull my hand from her panties, licking my fingers clean of her sweet nectar.
I didn’t want this to be the way I first tasted her, but it’s what she needed.
Her breathing slows and so does mine as I kiss her, tasting her wetness on her own lips. I stop kissing her as I feel her struggle with my belt. I grab her hand to stop her.
“Faith don’t…”
She looks up at me with a questioning look.
“But… but I should…”
I pull her hand away from my belt, laying it on the bed next to her head.
“It’s okay Faith, I told you…”
I take her in my arms as I lay next to her, holding her close.
“Tonight wasn’t about me, it was about you and what you need.”
She puts her arm around me as I stroke her hair, her head against my chest.
“We’ll be together for real one day… the way we were always meant to. But tonight was about you. All I want from you is to fall asleep here in my arms because tomorrow is a new day… and a new beginning for us.”
I look down at her and her eyes are closed, she’s sleeping. I hold her a little tighter as I close my eyes and think about how right this is.
Tomorrow, everything will change for us. We’ll have everything we’ve ever wanted.
A new beginning
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buffy’s POV
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I take a deep breath as I wake up. I feel this incredible happy feeling wash over me at the thought of waking up next to Faith. The feeling quickly disappears though as I roll on my side to put my arm around… nothing. I open my eyes to look at the emptiness beside me.
Faith?
“Faith?”
I feel the empty space beside me, it’s cold. I sit up in bed and look around.
She’s not here. How long had she been gone? If her side of the bed was cold then she’s probably been gone for a while. All of the sudden I realize how alone in the room I am.
My eye catches on my open dresser. The clothes are hanging off the drawers.
Did she do it? Did she move out? Oh god, what if she left town?
I start to get up and my hand lands on a piece of paper.
What?
I pick up the piece of paper.
It’s from Faith.
‘Hey B,
Before you panic like you probably already have I want you to know that I haven’t left town, I just moved out. I didn’t do it to get away from you, I did it because I told your friends I would and I didn’t think I could do it if I woke up next to you this morning.’
She left… even after I asked her not to. Even after what I did for her last night. What about everything she said last night? How much of it is real and how much of it was the spell? That empty feeling I had last night starts to creep up on me. What if none of it was real for her?
I fight back the urge to cry as I go back to reading the rest of the note.
‘I meant everything I said last night B. I don’t care if my feelings for you are real or fake, I just want to keep feeling them. But what we have won’t work unless your friends learn to accept me back in their lives. That’s why I moved out, to make what we have stronger. But I’ll understand if you don’t see it that way. I’ll understand if you can’t look me in the eyes anymore cause I abandoned you in the middle of the night while you were sleeping. I’ll understand if you never want to see me again if you feel cheap and dirty because I used you last night. Because that’s what I did, I used you, I used you to try and make myself feel better… again.
I hope you can forgive me for what I’ve done to you, and I hope I’ll see you at the meeting today.
Yours truly madly and completely,
Faith.’
Forgive her? Why would I forgive her? There’s… there’s nothing to forgive. I probably should feel dirty and used, but I don’t. Like I told Faith, last night wasn’t about me, it was about her and what she needed. I don’t blame her for what she did to me. What matters is I still love her, now all I have to do is tell her that.
I get out of bed, dropping the note as I do, heading towards the door. As I grab the doorknob I hear the phone ring, I freeze in my tracks.
Should I answer it? I wanna go find Faith, but what if that’s her? What if she’s calling to see if I’m okay?
I run over to the phone pick it up.
“Faith?”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Faith’s POV
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Well I did it again. I screwed everything up again. I went to her last night to apologize, to make things right, and all I did was make things worse.
I lie back on my hard motel bed and stare at the off-white ceiling.
She’s gonna hate me now, for what I’ve done to her. How could I do that to someone I cared about? How could I do that to the only person I’ve ever truly cared about?
I run my hands through my hair in frustration.
I took the one thing that was worth anything and flushed it down the toilet, like I do with everything else that even comes close to the kind of happiness that I feel with Buffy. Not that anything ever really came close to what I feel when I’m with Buffy. Well, maybe slaying, but even that felt like it was missing something. Until I started doing it with Buffy… until I started SLAYING with Buffy.
That was when I started to feel like my life had meaning… having someone to help carry the burden of making the world a better place and never getting credit for it made everything seem a little less doom and gloomy.
I get tired of looking at the ceiling and turn over, burying my face in my flat pillow.
And I even managed to screw that up when I killed a man. God why did I do that? If I hadn’t killed the Deputy Mayor, maybe things would’ve been different between us.
My head jumps up from the pillow.
What the hell did I just say? Am I saying I wish things were different between us? Do I wish I hadn’t fallen for B? No, no… I just… I just meant that if I hadn’t killed the Deputy Mayor then things would’ve worked out better for us, our being together would’ve been so much less painful. God why am I caring about how things could’ve been between us? Things happened between us and I can’t change them, just like how things happened last night that I can’t change.
She’ll never forget what happened last night and she’ll never forgive me either. I’ll have to live without her. God I didn’t know if I can do that. I don’t know if I can look at her knowing all I’ll ever see looking back at me is the pain in her eyes. I don’t think I can live with myself knowing I’ll never feel the incredible feeling I had when she touched me, when she kissed me last night like I’ve never been kissed before in my life.
I don’t know if I can live with myself knowing how her fingers felt inside me, bringing me to places I never knew existed and beyond. I don’t know if I can look at her knowing I’ll never feel like that again. God maybe after we take care of the Adam problem and the whole vampire cult thing I should just leave town.
The phone rings, breaking my train of thought. I pick it up.
“Hello?”
The Ties That Bind
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tara’s POV
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------“Okay, we’ll see you both later on. Okay… bye.”
Willow puts the phone down and turns back to the group.
“Okay, I talked to both Buffy and Faith and they’re going to meet us here later.”
“It’s a good thing Faith called you early this morning and told us where she was staying isn’t it Giles?”
“Yes, now. Back to the business at hand.”
Willow sighs deeply.
“Right, so… do you think they’ll go for it?”
I think it could go other way. Xander’s still not sure.
“I dunno Will, I’m still not sure it’s such a good idea. I mean bonding them together like that? It sounds kinda risky.”
“I know Xander but I’ve checked other ways of breaking the spell. This is the best way to help Faith.”
She’s so committed to helping Faith now, it makes me love her even more.
“I know Willow, but Faith has a hard time even trusting people do you really think she’ll be okay with…”
“If she really wishes to help Buffy and the rest of us then she will. She shall at least have to consider the procedure.”
“And what if she refuses? What do we do then?”
“Then we shall have to consider the possibility that Faith is a willing part of the vampire cult’s plan. Although I am unsure how much we can trust her at the moment.”
What?
“W-W-What do you m-mean?”
Giles throws the morning paper on the coffee table.
“What is it Giles?”
Xander picks up the paper and a look of shock comes over his face before his anger takes over.
“Damn it! I knew we couldn’t trust her.”
After a second Willow leans over the table and picks up the paper, bringing it into my view.
Oh no…
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Spike’s POV
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------“So when does this all mighty plan of yours go into motion.”
I walk into the cave where John and Adam were talking. They turn to look at me as I ask the question.
“Spike, how good of you to join us.”
Stupid wanker.
“Hey I’ve been out there doing your dirty work. Spending time with those soddin Scoobies just to see how your plans are affecting them and so far I haven’t seen jack. They’re too wrapped up in their own crap and that stupid prophecy crap to spend any time thinking about you and your stupid master.”
I raise my eyebrow at him and all of the sudden it dawns on me.
“That’s part of the plan isn’t it? You’re gonna keep them so wrapped up in each other they won’t see what you’re doing. You do know that’s never gonna work right?”
“Oh they’ll know what we’re doing, they just won’t take it out on us. They’ll take it out on each other.”
Okay now he ain’t making any sense.
“If you actually knew these Scoobies like you claim to you’d know that in times of crisis these goody-goodies have a way of coming together for the greater good and all that crap.”
“This time is different.”
“Yeah, and how’s that exactly?”
He hands me the morning paper as I light up a ciggy.
“Um, how exactly did you get a copy of the morning paper with the most important part of the morning paper being that people read it in the morning?”
“One of the delivery boys happened to start his route before dawn.”
He ate the paper boy? How did I not teach this guy to have standards when I…
“Read the headline.”
I read it.
“Yeah so? I dunno if you know this but people die in good old Sunny D all the time.”
“Yeah but only a few of them have ever been killed by this.”
I look up at him as he pulls a rather fancy looking knife out from his belt.
I don’t get it.
Love unconditionally actually
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buffy’s POV
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Okay… I can do this.
I take another deep breath and stare at Giles’ front door some more.
I haven’t worked up the courage to go in yet.
I run my fingers through my hair.
All you have to do is get through this meeting and then I can talk to her and make things right.
I open the door and walk in. After I take a few steps I stop in my tracks.
Faith… she’s already here, with the gang.
“Hey… did I miss all the fun?”
She looks up at me and then at the floor.
“No we were… they were waiting for you.”
I can hear a hint of pain in her voice as she speaks.
I’ll make that pain go away Faith, I promise you.
I close the door and walk in a bit more.
“Well I’m here now so let’s get this party started.”
I walk over and sit down on the easy chair across the room from her.
I don’t want to crowd her, I’ll make things right later.
I look at her and she’s looking back at me but quickly looks down as our eyes meet.
I’m sorry Faith.
I try and compose myself.
“So… what’s the what?”
Giles starts off.
“Buffy, we have another problem.”
Another problem?
“God you know, maybe we should just buy a big white board so we can write it all down. Do we have a white board? What’s the problem now?”
Willow hands me the morning paper and I read the front page.
‘Two young girls murdered at Sunnydale U’
I look over at Giles.
“Do we think the vampire cult was involved?”
“No, there were no neck wounds.”
Maybe it was Adam.
“What about Adam?”
“He’s more a rip people open to get at the toy surprise kinda guy.”
I start to look over the paper to see what killed them.
Faith takes the words right out of my eyes.
“So what killed them?”
“They were stabbed…”
What?
I look up at Giles.
“Through the heart, with a knife…”
“Okay hold it…”
They think it’s Faith.
“Just because they were stabbed doesn’t mean Faith did it.”
“We didn’t say Faith did it.”
“No but that’s where you were going, I know you guys.”
“Well you gotta admit Buffy, the evidence is pretty obvious.”
Evidence?
“What evidence? Two people get stabbed and we’re gonna lock Faith up? Come on…”
“I don’t kill people, not anymore anyway.”
“That evidence isn’t all we’re going on.”
“Um… I don’t kill people anymore.”
“What else did you find out? Do they have some sort of connection?”
“Yes…”
“I didn’t kill anyone.”
“Well what is it?”
“You…”
What? How am I the connection?
I look over at Faith and she’s stopped trying to interrupt.
She’s sitting there looking at the floor with her head in her hands.
“How am I the connection?”
I look through the paper for their names.
“I didn’t even know these girls.”
“Buffy they were young, college freshman, both blonde, and their names both have the initials B.S.”
“I DIDN’T KILL ANYONE!”
“I know Faith I know.”
I believe her, but I don’t think anyone else does. I gotta prove she didn’t do it or we’ll never get our chance.
“When did these murders happen?”
“They happened the past two nights.”
She couldn’t have done it.
“See, I couldn’t have done it, I’ve been with B at her place every night since I’ve been back.”
She wasn’t with me the whole night last night, what if she… no, no she didn’t, she couldn’t have.
“What about last night?”
Last night?
“What about it?”
You took the words right out of my mouth Faith.
“Faith you called me last night at 3 past midnight to tell me that you had moved out.”
“So what?”
“So he’s saying there’s no telling what you could’ve done between the time you called and now.”
“Anya.”
Faith turns to Anya
“You’re cruising for a bruising sister.”
“Did you hear that Xander? She threatened to kill me.”
“Anya, remember what we talked about yesterday? If you don’t have anything nice to say…”
“Don’t say anything at all… fine.”
Anya grudgingly calms down.
“Faith we are not saying that you killed the girls, nor are we saying that you are lying when you say you believe you did not kill them…”
“Really? Cause that’s what it sounds like you’re saying.”
Willow steps in.
“Faith we’ve talked it over and we think this might be part of the spell…”
“I didn’t kill anyone even if it was part of this stupid spell thing I would’ve remembered doing it. Killing someone is not the kind of thing you forget.”
“Unless you weren’t conscious of what you were doing.”
“Okay now you’re just reaching. You’re trying to pin this on me just cause I used to kill people.”
“No Faith, we’re not.”
“Then explain to how I kill people when I’m unconscious.”
Okay I should break in here.
“Faith we didn’t say you were killing people, we’re just worried that with the spell…”
“Look if the spell is the problem then why don’t we just get rid of it? What happened with the counter spell?”
The room falls silent.
I can’t tell if this is a bad thing but it’s probably not gonna be a good thing.
I look over at Faith and I catch her smile at me before she looks away uncomfortably.
“What? What is it guys? We couldn’t find anything?”
“No we… we found something it’s just… it could be really… dangerous.”
Dangerous?
“Dangerous how? Dangerous to who? To Faith?”
Maybe we shouldn’t do it if it could hurt Faith.
“To both of you.”
Both of us? How could it be dangerous to both of us?
“How?”
“Well, according to what I’ve researched there’s only one way to break the obsession spell.”
Okay here’s where the danger comes in I bet.
Faith asks Willow the same question I just did.
“How?”
“By bonding her to the object of the spell’s obsession.”
Bonding?
“What do you mean bonding?”
“Well apparently the only way to break the obsession is to ‘share’ it with the spell’s trigger. Sharing it is supposed to remove it’s effect on the victim. But there’s a problem…”
Here it comes.
“Because you guys already, have, a connection… a slayer connection, it could make your connection stronger, which doesn’t sound like entirely a bad thing but it could be a problem.”
“Stronger how?”
I look at Faith and she’s looking back with a worried look.
“You might start to think the same thoughts, you might feel each other’s feelings, and you could even start to hear each other’s thoughts. The down side being that in a key moment one of you might hear the other’s thoughts and get confused. It could get one of you killed, or even both of you.”
“That’s some bond.”
She’s worried how this might affect me. Maybe we should find another way.
“What do you think Faith?”
We look at each other and our eyes meet dead on for the first time since the meeting began.
“I don’t know… it sounds like it could be a big risk. Plus I don’t know how I feel about having you inside my head like that. What do you think B?”
I should talk with Faith about this alone.
“I’m not sure… guys can you, can you guys give us a minute to talk about this?”
“Of course, clearly this is a decision the two of you have to make together.”
The room gets quiet again.
I don’t think they understood what I meant.
“It’d be easier to make that decision if we could talk alone.”
“Oh, of course… Willow, Tara why don’t you help me make sure we have everything we shall need for the counter spell should they decide to go through with it. Anya would you make some tea? Xander, a donut run may be needed.”
“Right.”
“Okay.”
“Fine whatever.”
They get up and start to get to their jobs, leaving Faith and I sitting alone in Giles’ living room. Suddenly the few feet between us feel like miles. I stand up and move over to the couch, sitting down and facing her. She sits staring at the floor away from me.
I’ve got to say something.
“Faith I…”
“If this is the speech about how you can’t stand to look at me and you wish I could just go away and never come back can we just skip it?”
She thinks I want her to leave? That’s not what I want at all.
“Faith no… this is the speech about how I love you and that nothing you could ever do or say could ever make me love you any less.”
She runs her fingers through her hair and the pain in her voice deepens.
“I’ve had people say those words to me before B. My mother used to say that to me every day, right up until she threw me out because one of her boyfriends liked me better.”
“I told you Faith, what we have is going to be different than anything either of us has ever had before and I meant it.”
I take one of her hands in mine and put it against my heart so she can feel it beating for her. She looks up at me for a second before looking at her hand on my chest.
“It really was beating for you last night Faith, and it still does.”
She looks up at me in the eyes again with a look of longing.
“Oh Buffy.”
She leans into me and our foreheads meet, our eyes still locked. After a moment of silence, I decide to break it.
“Faith…”
She reaches up with her free hand and caresses my cheek.
It’s time we talked about the problem at hand.
“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
She takes a deep breath.
“No we have to do this, it’s the only way to make sure your friends will learn to trust me again.”
She closes her eyes and leans back a bit.
“Faith all that really matters is that I trust you.”
“Do you?”
“Of course I do. Faith look at me.”
She doesn’t open her eyes. I let go of Faith’s hand against my heart and put my hands on her chin, lifting her head so our eyes meet, if they weren’t closed.
“Faith just look me in the eyes and tell me you didn’t kill those girls.”
She opens her eyes and stares into me.
“I didn’t kill them.”
She’s telling the truth.
“Then you didn’t do it and we won’t go through with this.”
She leans in again and kisses me lightly. I get so caught up in us that I don’t notice someone standing a few feet behind Faith.
“Did um… did you guys want um… some tea or something?”
Faith turns around and panics.
“Hey uh… Buffy and I were just… I was just um…”
“Did you want tea or coffee?”
“I’m g-good.”
She looks at me.
“Buffy?”
“We’re okay Tara.”
Tara smiles at us and goes back to the kitchen.
“I’m sorry B I know, I know you wanted to tell your friends yourself and all that, I shouldn’t have kissed you like that, but maybe it’s for the best I mean…”
“It’s okay Faith, she already knew.”
“Hun? How did she find out? Did you tell her?”
“No… it’s uh, kinda complicated but she actually kinda helped me figure out how I really feel about you.”
She looks at me for a second.
“Then I guess I owe her big time.”
She smiles at me and I smile back.
“Buffy if you’re willing to go through with this then I’m willing to go through with it too. I’ll do it for us.”
“Oh Faith…”
I lean in to kiss her.
“So did you decide what to do?”
I turn to look at Anya sitting down across the room. I straighten up uncomfortably and so does Faith.
“We decided to go through with it.”
Giles comes in to the room and sits down.
“Excellent, then as soon as Xander comes back we can begin.”
Willow and Tara come back into the room and sit down, Tara in the chair and Willow on the arm rest.
“So… what did we decide.”
Anya answers for us.
“They’re gonna do it, which means we probably won’t get murdered in our sleep.”
Faith glares at Anya for a second before turning around and looks at the door.
“If Xander doesn’t get back here soon I may find I’ve got one more murder in me.”
You and me both, Faith you and me both.