Sins Of The FatherBy DM Evans
Prologue
Graffiti decorations
Underneath a sky of dust
A constant wave of tension
On top of broken trust
The lessons that you taught me
I learn were never true
Now I find myself in question
They point the finger at me again
Guilty by association
You point the finger at me againI wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mindRunaway Linkin Park
Anne hoped the fourteen-year-old hooker she had just given her card to would take her up on the offer to come to her shelter. Anne spent so much time on the streets at night that she was beginning to forget what daylight looked like. She was still amazed that she was with this gig. She was notorious for cutting and running but this kept her in place. Maybe helping lost kids was what she was meant for. After all she had been one herself and it led to her nearly being vampire food in Sunnydale and a demon slave in L.A.
There was just something about her work that felt right. Anne only wished she could reach more kids. A lot of them took one look at her blonde hair and trim body and thought "rich white girl trying to feel good about herself by tossing the poor folk a bone." She didn't have a street-wise look. To that end she was overjoyed that Zalika Loveland had joined with her. Her dark cocoa skin seemed to make her more acceptable to many of L.A."s forgotten children. Ironically Zalika was working on her PhD in psychology and came from a wealthy family. Anne knew Zalika was only with East Hills Teen Center to do fieldwork for her thesis but she didn"t care. Zalika was funny and good with the kids.
Feeling someone touch her shoulder, Anne turned and smiled at her partner.
"He"s here again." Zalika pointed to a scrawny dark-haired boy. They had seen him several times skulking through the streets over the past weeks.û They had tried to approach him once before but he had an air of wildness to him, prey or predator Anne couldn"t really tell. She should be better at making the distinction by now but she wasn"t.
"Should we try to talk to him?" Anne asked.
Zalika shrugged. The multitude of long thin plaits she had moved like the ocean, lathing her shoulders. "He"s an odd one. He"s too clean to be living on the streets."
"So why is he out here night after night?" Anne stared at the boy. He seemed tired which was unusual from what little she had seen of him before.
"I wish I knew. I"m half expecting him to be a pimp or a pusher but no one gets near him." Zalika pulled her jacket closed. The night air was getting nippy.
"I guess it wouldn"t hurt to try talking to him again."
Anne headed toward the club the boy stood in front of, its bright neon proclaiming "Girls, topless and bottomless" complete with an outline of a woman in repose with a cherry red nipple. He seemed oblivious to it. Zalika paced along behind her. The boy marked their approach, a cautious look in his eyes. He didn"t run this time but he didn"t seem happy about their intrusion either. Zalika caught Anne"s arm, squeezing gently, their trouble signal. She nodded at the youth. Anne saw it, too, the hint of a knife handle in the pocket of his jacket. She looked into Zalika"s dark eyes to see if they should just walk on past or not but Zalika had a resolved expression in place. The grad student stopped and smiled at the boy, carefully just out of easy arm"s reach.
"Hello, I"m Zalika and this is Anne. We"ve seen you around before and we were hoping we could talk some."
"About what?" he asked, a surly look marring his face.
"About why you"re out in the streets alone at night. We wanted you to know there"s no need to go it alone. There"s help," Anne said cheerfully. "We run a place where you can be with other kids like yourself, some place safe from drugs and violence."
He snorted. "Doubt there"s many kids like me."
"You"d be surprised€.will you tell us your name?" Anne asked, encouraged that she hadn"t been told to go away.
He shrugged. "Connor."
"It"s dangerous out here alone, Connor. I know you probably think it was just as bad wherever it is you came from. I"m not going to ask about your parents or your home, unless you feel like you want to talk about it. It could be you had good reasons for running away," Zalika said.
"I haven"t run away. I have a place to stay," Connor protested, starting to move away.
Zalika took a step closer and he paused. "All right then, that"s not why you"re here but still there is something not quite right in your life that has you walking the streets at night."
A strange smile slithered across his face. "That"s true."
"We can help you with that," Anne said, holding out a card to him, not quite getting close enough to be a target if he drew his knife. He stepped forward and took it, staring at it as if he didn"t quite know what it was. "East Hills Teen Center is a haven and we would like to have you there. We can help you with that something that"s not quite right."
He laughed, making a sound too bitter and old for him. "I doubt it." He moved to give her back the card but Anne stepped away.
"Keep it, in case you change your mind," Zalika said. "It really isn"t safe out here. If you don"t get mugged, there"s always someone trying to sell you drugs or worse." She paused, her eyes raking over his hips. "Buy you."
His brow wrinkled and Zalika wasn"t sure if it was from disgust or a lack of understanding about what she meant.
"I"ll be fine. I don"t need help." There was no doubt in his voice but the ladies were used to that. Too many kids thought they"d be fine. They didn"t know what was worse, that false confidence or the beaten tone the teens picked up way too fast.
"Connor! There you are!"
The two ladies turned, hearing the booming voice behind them. A young shave-headed man loped up the sidewalk.
"You got lost on me again, and what a section of town to pick to do it," he continued.
Connor snickered. "Lost you? Maybe you need to learn to keep up, Gunn."
"Don"t be a smartass. Oh, sorry ladies." Gunn offered them a sheepish look then recognition sparked in his eyes. "Anne, Zalika, you two are out late. No trouble at the center I hope."
"Charles, you know him?" Anne asked, pointing at Connor.
Gunn bobbed his head, blue and red neon flashing off the dark clean-shaven flesh. "Connor"s part of the team but he"s having trouble remembering there"s no I in team." He winced. He was beginning to sound like Fred.
"I"m sticking with you"re too slow and you"re the one who got lost," the boy shot back, a cocky look in his hooded eyes.
"Thanks for looking out for him, ladies. Come on, Connor, we"d better report back before Fred has a heart attack." Gunn chucked Connor"s slim shoulder.
"Wouldn"t want to be responsible for that," Connor said.Anne and Zalika watched them go.
"Well, I wasn"t expecting that," Zalika said.
"No kidding. Guess we ought to get back to work," Anne replied and they headed for the gaggle of streetwalkers at the end of the block.
Chapter One
You left me this mornin"
Standing on the corner
(as) I waved bye to you
You gave me no reason
Just brought me to my knees
ûAnd left me (here) feelin" all alone and blueYou Left Me This Mornin" - Indigenous
Connor sat on the remains of his bed. Cordelia had left him. How could she just do that? She moved in, disrupted his life, got his trust to the point he shared himself at his most defenseless right here on the tattered mattress, then she just as fast moved out on him. Didn"t she know how much that hurt? Worse, he thought she had liked him. She wore outfits that flashed her intimate flesh at him. She let him touch her while they sparred, touched in ways obviously not related to fighting. She had kissed him back after dusting that vampire.û He hadn"t imagined that. How could she toy with someone like this? Surely she had to know it was wrong.
His father or at least the man he preferred to think of as his father- had told him people touched like that only if they cared about each other. It wasn"t for playing games. It had to mean something. It had to him, so why was it a game to Cordy? What sort of hold did Angel have over her to make her go back? When she had been here, he had barely thought about the vampire beyond trying to insure no reminders of him were around. Cordelia didn"t even seem to think of Angel either until she just up and left.
Connor had taken out his pain on the contents of his home until the rage drained away, leaving him shaking and exhausted. He settled back into the mess and tried to lace together the pieces of his broken heart.
Chapter Two
And I was thinking to myself
This could be Heaven or this could be Hell
Then she lit up a candle
And she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them sayWelcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year
Any time of year-
You can find it here
You can find it hereHotel California - The Eagles
Connor watched the Hyperion beginning an hour before nightfall. He only hoped that Angel would leave through the front door so he'd have a way of knowing where the vampire was. Anyone else would have cramped up by the time Angel left the hotel with Gunn - Connor counted himself lucky on that one - but his son was used to remaining motionless for hours.
He snuck into the hotel, hoping to get a chance to talk to Cordelia alone. Unfortunately she was wrapped up in listening to Fred who fluttered around the lobby like a butterfly in a hurricane. He knew this mood of Fred's; it annoyed him but admittedly he had never seen her this distraught. He rooted, fascinated by this display of mental meltdown.
"Fred, could you just sit and tell me what's wrong?" Cordy snapped, her eyes tired and puffy.
Fred kept up her frantic pacing. "He shouldn't have done it. He shouldn't have gotten involved. It was my fight, my problem. It was on me. How could he? It changed everything. It made it all wrong. Charles won't ever be the same and it's my fault."
"Fred, this isn't helping. What did Charles do?" Cordy asked, making a face as if the word ïCharles' was foreign to her.
"Got in my way, robbed me of my rights. He keeps telling me I shouldn't feel this way, that it'll all be okay soon."
Cordy rubbed the bridge of her nose, flopping on the couch. "I'm beginning to think I wanted to forget this place."
The barb rolled off Fred and she went off on a tangent about other dimensions. Connor could tell her a thing or two about them. He grew up in the worst of them but it felt more like home than here. He thought her problems on Pylea came from her life here being too easy; not that he didn't have sympathy for Fred. He did. She was someone who could actually come close to understanding his life.
Unfortunately Fred had it wrong. She equated Quar-toth with her time in Pylea. She didn't understand it was the other way around. Earth was his Pylea. Quar-toth had been tough but at least he knew his place. Here, he was lost and confused.
"If you only knew what Charles did, Cordy." Fred circled out on a widening track.
"You have to tell me, Fred, if you plan on me helping."
"Maybe I shouldn't. It's justƒ" Fred stopped abruptly when her flitting about brought her to the shadows where Connor was hiding. "Oh, Connor. We didn't hear you come in."
"Just got here," he lied. Looking into her huge brown eyes, he could see her disbelief. She didn't trust him any more than he did her. They knew he was spying on the hotel and that whole thing with him trying to take out Angel again when his father thought he was someone else hadn't helped matters. They'd say they had loved him but it seemed their love was the fragile, unforgiving sort.
"Why are you here?" Fred asked, her bony arms crossing defensively.
Connor hesitated. He knew he should expect her hostility. It shouldn't matter but it did. "I just wantedƒI thought me and Cordy couldƒtalk maybe." He looked between them uncomfortably. He didn't think he was making much of an impression. Words never came easy to him. Cordy, at least, got back on her feet, moving toward him.
"It's not really a good time," Fred said, her words like chips of ice.
"I was talking to Cordy," Connor said harshly, not looking at her.
"Don't talk to her like that," Lorne said, swishing down the stairs in a bright violet suit.
"Wasn't talking to you either," Connor said, giving the demon a withering look. Why did anyone tolerate this creature?
"I've had just about as much as I'm going to talk of your mouth, young man," Lorne said. "I'm willing to take a lot from you, you being my nephew and all, but you've been rude one too many times."
"I'm not your nephew," Connor said, getting up in Lorne's face. "You're nothing to me."
Cordy, seeing Lorne's look of shock, caught Connor's arm tugging him away. "Connor, babe, don't pick a fight okay, I need to talk to Fred and then you and I can talk."
"Okay," he grated out, his eyes not leaving Lorne's ugly face.
"Do you want to wait here? I don't know how long Fred and I will be," Cordy stroked his cheek.
Connor shook his head violently. "No. I'll go home."
"I'll meet you there, promise."
Connor glared hostilely- at Lorne then left. He heard Lorne spouting off something in that annoying way of his, about Connor needing a lesson in etiquette, whatever the hell that was. Fred was agreeing with him, warning Cordy to be careful.- He wasn't able to say how much it hurt. He had liked Fred, Gunn too for that matter. He never did care for Lorne. Sure Gunn and Fred got- in his way and aggravated him but they had been kind and it had touched him; so much for Fred's thought on him being unable to care.
Father had told him people would fear him if they found out what he was, that he'd be alone. Holtz hadn't been wrong and it made him ache. But not as much as not being asked to help Cordy get her memory back. They left him out of it. Lorne had babbled on to him, as if he cared what a demon had to say, about Cordy's good news, how they had used people important to her to help return her memory. He hadn't been invited. He wasn't important in their eyes.
When Lorne told him about it, trying to explain their weird behavior, Connor had fled. He didn't want to cry in front of them, especially a demon. He had sobbed himself to sleep that night, feeling ashamed of himself. Tears were a weakness. Holtz had hammered that into him but Connor couldn't help it. The implication he added nothing to Cordy's life devastated him.
Part of him compounded his misery by reminding him that he had failed Cordy - and Holtz for that matter - by failing to kill Angel. Again. He tried but he just wasn't strong enough. That rarely was a problem for him. He was the Destroyer. He should be able to kill a stupid single vampire. He killed others all the time. That left the inescapable conclusion that he deep down didn't want Angel dead. It made his failure to his father complete. He couldn't destroy the creature that forced Holtz to slaughter his own child. He was glad Holtz hadn't lived to see this. But in retrospect it might be better he didn't kill Angel when Cordy ask him to. She obviously cared for Angel and being the reason for his death would be something he didn't think Cordy could live with.
When he got home he worked off his anger by forcing his body through unending martial exercises until his body ran- with sweat. His muscles ached and trembled. He smelled of salt and perspiration when a knock came at his door. Cordelia walked in carrying her suitcase and brought light back to him with three simple words.
"Can I stay?"
Chapter Three
There was a softness in her eyes
And on the air there was a hunger
Even a boy could recognize
She had a need to feel the thunder
To chase the lightning from the sky
To watch a storm with all its wonder
Written in her lover's eyes
She had to ride the heat of passion
Like a comet burning bright
Rushing headlong in the wind
Now where only dreams have been
Burning both ends of the nightThat Summer - Garth Brooks
The sky had stopped weeping fire when Connor slipped painfully out of bed. His side hitched as his ribs grated on one another. Cordelia was finally asleep. The world hadn't ended, at least not yet. Connor expected it to soon enough. He was happy and content and he wasn't meant for that. Holtz had made that clear. A son of two demons had no business being joyful.
Connor crept off silently and filled a large bowl with as much hot water as his home's feeble plumbing could come up with. He scrubbed away his sins until his skin was bright red. Holtz had deemed sex a sin. A pleasing one, a needed one, but a sin nonetheless. However, it wasn't as big a sin as masturbating. The skin of his shoulders tightened at the mere thought of it. The recollection of being stropped the one time Holtz had caught him had been beaten into the memory of his flesh. He remembered kneeling naked on the sharp stone of the cave that was their temporary home, forced to grab onto smooth columns of rock. Arms outstretched, his back defenseless, he tried to hold in whimpers of pain. Any signs of weakness and Holtz would hit him harder. His father had been right to do so. It was the only way he'd learn. Still the sins he committed tonight were ones he had no plans of repenting and had plans of committing again provided the world didn't die. He admittedly never felt clumsier in his life or as confused and embarrassed. He could only attribute his clumsiness in part to the pain of his broken ribs ˆ scary in and of itself ˆ the rest was due to his lack of knowledge. What he knew about sex could have danced on the head of a pin, whatever the hell that meant. He only knew it was something Holtz said when a chance of something happening or Connor's understanding of something had been small.
He had no idea how good sex could feel or how blinding need could be. Or how something as warm and loving could be so scary at the same time. He thought Cordy was going to change her mind once he was undressed. Cordy seemed shocked about something she had never seen before, a foreskin. He didn't know what the problem was. He had seen Holtz naked once or twice and hadn't noticed too many differences. Granted he hadn't exactly been looking but as far as he knew he had all the right parts. Surely his father would have been quick to point out any demonic differences.
But she hadn't run off nor did she desert him when her fondling had taken him over the edge too quickly. It was humiliating but somehow she made him feel better about it. The second attempt had been glorious. Afterwards, there was such a feeling of peace like he'd never known.
Only his peace was marred. He mulled that as he went back to the bedroom. The sky had wept flames. He didn't deserve to find peace on such a night, not when the evil was connected to him by the very location of his birth. In a city this big that couldn't be coincidence. Fred could probably tell him just how improbable it was but he didn't need to be told. It was connected to him, the Destroyer. What if he had been destined to bring forth this horror? He had heard Fred and Gunn talking when they thought he couldn't hear them during those months his father was under the ocean. He had heard about the prophecies and how no one knew what his birth meant. Maybe now they did. Cordy murmured in her sleep, drawing Connor's attention back to her. He still couldn't believe he had wept like a girl in front of her when she told him what she planned on doing with him. He couldn't even say if they were tears of sorrow or gratitude. The tears gathering forces in his heart now were easier to identify. They had grief distilling in every drop. Now he had time to think about what he and Cordy had done. Someone had actually wanted him. Or had she?
The moisture trickling down his face now burned with the things Cordy had said and didn't say. She said she knew how he felt about her but she never said she felt the same. She said she was doing it because it no longer mattered. She didn't say she loved him. She said she wanted him to have something real because he'd spent a life in hell. Now in the cold darkness, the smells of sulfur leaking in from outside, he saw her kindness for what it was: Pity.
And he died inside. He didn't love her less and there was no doubt Cordelia cared deeply for him. But she didn't love him. She gave him the thing she thought would give him some joy in what could have been his last moments. The question reaming through his mind like a Quar-toth Boresnake was did she see his father's face while she gave him gentle encouragements and guidance? Was it Angel's shoulders she held while she reminded him he had superior strength that had to be reined in? Connor knew he wasn't as handsome or charismatic as the demon. He hadn't been in the world long but it had been enough to realize pale skinny boys didn't get the girl. He'd seen Angel turn heads at bars and on the streets. No one ever looked at him, besides Sunny and he suspected her interested had been more to do with keeping a predator happy than any real attraction to him. Gunn had called him creepy when he thought Connor had stormed off to his room after one of their many fights.
It didn't matter what Gunn thought. Connor kept telling himself he was glad he was out of the hotel and that he didn't miss Gunn and Fred. But he did. He didn't miss Gunn's temper or having to hear them in bed all the time. At least now he knew what all the noise was about, even if it left him with the unwanted image of those two doing what Cordy had spent the night teaching him.
He studied Cordy's face. Did she love him or his father? Both or neither? No matter the answer, it boiled down to whom had gotten betrayed tonight. Why did he think they all had?
Chapter Four
It's storming broken glass, corpses left in piles
Ungracious bludgeonment that breaks the earth for miles
Nothing can stop it, the day has come,
from below it's catastrophic
Freezing, there's no healing families are dying
This world is shattered... all shattered
Life crushing turbulence, this wrath can't be denied
Wishing you could help your friends,
standing where they died
Echoes haunting, a hollow planet,
lacerations, dissected nationShattered -Pantera
Connor looked around the Hyperion's lobby. It was barely past dawn but since the world hadn't ended, he and Cordy had agreed they'd better check on the others. As a team they seemed intact but beaten. Angel's face was bruised and an angry wound marred his thick neck. Gunn was propped up on the couch with a dazed, pain-filled look etched into his face. Fred, arms wrapped protectively around her lover, seemed to have escaped harm. Even Lorne had sustained some damage but Connor really didn't care. He was a demon and beneath notice. Wesley was in relatively better shape than the rest.
Seeing how slowly both Connor and Cordy were moving, Angel turned to them, worry in his dark eyes. "Thank God you're alive. Are you two all right?"
"I'm sore," Cordy replied, her fingers trailing to her bruised neck. "And Connor has broken ribs."
Connor tried not to stiffen as his father came to him, gently touching his shoulder. The anxiety in the vampire's eyes trebled. For his part, Connor had been horrified to find he had left Cordelia aching. She assured him that it was all right, a small price to pay. He knew how strong he was but reining it in when his mind was totally consumed with lust had been too much for him.
"Are you..." Angel started to say, a strange expression on his battered face.
"Fine," Connor jerked out of his grasp. His father would be able to smell Cordelia on him despite the bath. Part of him actually cared that it would hurt Angel. He was so weak. His father Holtz would have been so ashamed of him.
"If something actually hurt you, Connor, I'm just gonna assume it was the ugly sucker we ran into," Gunn said, talking seeming to drain him further.
"If it looked like Darkness' stunt double, that's the one," Cordy said, collapsing on the couch.
"What?" Wesley's perplexed look mirrored the others.
"Darkness from the movie Legend?" Seeing no comprehension, Cordy rolled her eyes. "It's a Tom Cruise movie."
"We saw the thing with hooves and horns," Connor broke in. "It's all my fault."
Cordy flinched, hearing his pain. She got back up and went to him. "Baby, we've talked about this. It has nothing to do with you." She brushed his bangs back.
Connor saw the hurt look in his father's eyes and the curiosity playing across Fred's wan face but he didn't care. It was unimportant in the grand scheme of things. "It does."
"What did you do this time?" Gunn snarled, and Connor's shoulders hunched in.
"He didn't do anything," Cordy said, looping a protective arm around Connor.
Connor pulled away from her. "It's connected to me. That thing came through in the alley I was born in."
"What?" Angel drew the word out in shock.
"I was trying to get a handle on a vision, maybe more a remembrance of my time on the higher plane. Connor went with me. I didn't want to talk to you until I knew something more than a big brewin' evil was headed our way," Cordy said. "We saw it enter this world in the alley Darla died in."
"Do you know why?" Connor turned to Wesley. "Do your books say?"
"I haven't." Wesley looked into the young man's hard eyes. "There has been so much wrong and misinterpreted in the prophecies concerning you, Connor, that I wouldn't want to guess. But I'm thinking no one saw this coming."
"It's here because of me." Connor turned away from Wesley and sagged to the floor. His body quivered with rage and fear. Everyone froze, not expecting this.
"It's not your fault," Wesley said. "But it cannot be a coincidence."
"Wesley," Angel hissed but the ex-Watcher refused to look apologetic.
"I was never meant to be." Connor didn't even care there were tears streaking down his face, dripping to the floor. Cordy took a step toward him but froze at the look in his eyes.
"No, quite the opposite, I would say. Your mother did everything she could to abort you," Wesley said.
"Wesley!" This time Angel made the name a curse.
"Now is not the time to keep things hidden, Angel. You were meant to be, Connor. Your birth was protected so much so that your mother was willing to give her life for yours. A demon who probably never had a selfless thought in her life was so moved by the beauty of your life force's brilliance that she threw away immortality," Wesley said softly and Connor sobbed loudly, putting a trembling hand over his mouth.
"She said Connor was the only good thing she and I had ever done together," Angel whispered. "She wasn't wrong."
A harsh laugh tore out of Connor. "Was wrong. I've brought the evil with me."
"It doesn't matter, Connor. Unless you were out there summoning it up this isn't on you and I don't believe you called this thing," Wesley said. "No one had a clue this was coming. There is an apocalypse planned but this isn't it. Trust me, I'm in the position to know."
"I wasn't strong enough to fight it. I should have been able to," Connor said, dragging an angry hand over his wet face. "I nearly got us killed. It broke me. Nothing has ever done that before."
"We didn't do any better," Angel said, starting to pace like he usually did when angry or nervous. "Our weapons had no effect. We're only alive because it chose not to kill us."
"This had to be what Wolfram and Hart pulled out of Lorne's head," Cordelia said, glancing over at the demon apologetically.
"Glad it's gone," Lorne muttered, sipping at the glass of milk he had in hand.
"Since it's killing anyone trying to analyse it, you getting your head drilled was a good thing," Angel said, his pacing looping him past the seer.
"Do we have any idea what that thing is and how to handle it?" Fred asked, tightening her arms around Gunn.
"No," Angel said with a whole world of horror sunk into that one simple word.
"Given what's happening to the psychics trying to puzzle out what Lorne saw, Cordelia's own overwhelming sense of dread in regards to this, the manner of its entry into this plane, the signs of impending doom swamping L.A. and the fact it tore through us easier than we care to admit, I'm thinking we're going to need to tap all sorts of courses for help on this whether we want to or not," Wesley said, falling back into his Watcher-bred knack for exposition.
"You should call her, Angel," Cordy said, fear in her dark eyes.
There was no need to explain. "Contacting Buffy is the first thing on my list." The vampire sagged a little then his face hardened. "Wesley, I know you aren't exactly on good terms with the Watcher's Council anymore."
"I'll call them immediately."
"Until we know what is going on and we have a handle on how to handle this, I think we should all stay here at the hotel," Angel said, sweeping his arm out wide to indicate them all.
"No." Connor's blue eyes went to slits.
"Connor, don't argue. We all need to work together," Angel said gently, trying his best not to seem threatening. His son was squirrelly enough normally and now he looked already to come out of his skin.
"Safety in numbers," Fred put in.
"Better target," Connor argued. "Gets us all at once."
"That's true but just for now we have to risk it," Angel said, taking a few cautious steps closer to his son.
Backing away, Connor glanced over at Cordy and she nodded. He tensed but said, "Okay. For now."
"Lorne, you have vast contacts in the demon worlds, draw on that. On the rooftop that demon was performing a summoning. I can almost guarantee he won't be the only evil we'll be facing," Wesley said.
"I've had happier thoughts but consider it done," Lorne said, his usual effervescence gone.
"Gunn, Connor, do you two feel up to making sure all the weapons are in working order and stockpiling more if need be?" Angel asked.
"I'm fine," Connor said.
"I'll reach out to my old crew. They ain't happy with me but with the city on fire they might see throwing in with us is a good thing," Gunn said.
"Good. Fred, you can help Wes with the research. Cordy, come with me. Giles and Buffy will want to hear your vision." Angel waved her on.
Cordy followed him into his office while the others disperse to start their duties. Angel sat and picked up the phone. His finger hovered over the buttons.
"And Cordelia, when we beat this thing and save the world again we'll talk about what you did to my son."
Angel's dark eyes met hers. Cordy paled and said nothing while he placed his call.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Angel fought to keep from gulping down the blood in his mug. He needed it. He had to heal but he also didn't want to use up all his supply at once. Whatever was happening wasn't confined to L.A. and blood, while not scarce since he expected it to flow in rivers, might be a luxury he wouldn't have time to sample in the near future. He wanted to rest. The others all sleeping were except Wesley and perhaps Connor. He hadn't seen his son since he and Gunn had called it a day, the weapons as ready as they'd get. Connor hadn't reclaimed his old room. Angel suspected he was hiding in the hotel. He honestly believed Connor felt safer that way. He could image his child and Holtz moving their sleeping areas every few days on Quar-toth so nothing could find them. Heaven knew he, Darla, Spike and Dru had done so from time to time back in the day. All too often they overheated the pot and had to run before the mob got them.
"Are you all right, Angel?" Wesley asked, scribbling in a journal of some sort.
Angel snorted. "Nothing's too badly broken. The Hellmouth is opening again, so we won't be getting any help from Sunnydale." Angel paused, then added softly, "I wish I could be there to help her."
Wesley nodded. "If only it were just confined to California but it's not. There's killer fog in London, toxic river monsters in Cleveland and Pittsburgh was just overrun with carnivorous rabbits. Demons are flocking to L.A."
"You know this how?"
"Lorne and Lilah. She called me." Wesley's dark eyes studied Angel very carefully, as if the ex-Watcher expected to have to run for his life.
Angel merely scrubbed a weary hand over his hair. "I expected she would. I don't want to know what's between you two. It's none of my business and as much as I hate to admit it, if it's a link to the vast sources of Wolfram and Hart then I'm willing to use it."
Wesley's lips curled, taking a step back as Angel started pacing again. "Use me? Not surprised really and I think it's possible, using Wolfram and Hart. Like I said, this isn't their apocalypse and they're very upset by all of it."
"Did you know Giles is no longer in Sunnydale? That's he's more or less retired?" Angel sighed, his agitation showing plainly in his face. "I didn't realize how out of touch I was with things that used to be so damned important. And now he's missing, maybe dead and I know we all need his knowledge at this point."
"I'll be the first to agree. He's been at this longer than me, knows more rocks to turn over. And he has the Slayer at his side but so could we," Wesley said.
"I just told you that Buffy, oh, Faith." Angel looked at him, suddenly alert. "Do you think it's possible to get her out? That she'd even help us?"
"From all you've told me from your visits that she wants to make amends. This would go a long way to doing that. I could speak to Lilah and see if there's a legal way to spring her early. If not, I think we can manage a jail break."
"Are you willing to work with her after what she did to you?" Angel asked cautiously.
Wesley's eyes hooded. "Is it any worse than what this crew has already done to me? Or what I did to you? My pride has no place here. I can't put it before saving the world and that's what we're trying to do. There's no doubt these disturbances are world-wide."
Angel came to roost, resting his weight against the bookcase. "I wish there was a way to keep Connor from trying to shoulder all that. No matter what we say, he's going to feel like he's to blame."
"There's nothing you can do about that, Angel. Just try to help him channel those feelings into something positive, like the desire to destroy this thing."
Angel wagged his head. "He's already there, too much so. He's going to get himself killed."
"Don't worry. I can handle myself."
Both older men twisted to see Connor standing in the doorway. The boy looked ready to topple over.
"Connor, you should be getting some rest," Angel said.
"Can't sleep. Too much to do."
"We've done all we can. We're useless if we're too tired to fight." Angel went to him, shocked when Connor let him get close.
Connor's eyes fixed on his father, far too much age and pain in their deep blue depths. "Does it matter? 'And I beheld that when he opened the sixth seal...there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood; And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth, even as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs, when she is shaken of a mighty wind. And the heaven departed as a scroll when it is rolled together; and every mountain and island were moved out of their places'."
Angel merely stared at his son. That was probably the most he had ever heard Connor say. Trust Holtz to have burned the Bible into the boy's brain. After all, Holtz was a man of the eighteenth century and as a product of that time would have known all about the things to fear in Revelations. "I'm not going to lie, this certainly has that apocalyptic feel to it but I've been through things that were supposed to end the world." He paused, guilt flooding into his broad face. "I even tried to cause it once, and evil has always been stopped."
"And that prophecy does suggest evil will lose-eventually, leaving us with a man to rule the world with an iron rod." Wesley scowled. "Or maybe that means evil wins. Either way, it doesn't matter, we fight it until we win or we die. That's what we do."
Connor's lips skinned back in a rather maniacal smile. "Easier that way."
"I just wish..." Angel trailed off. "I'm so afraid of losing any of you that it's making it hard to think. Times like these I wish I were still Angelus. He wouldn't care about the cost of the battle."
"And he's more likely to throw in with whatever that was the came into the world last night," Wesley said and Angel nodded.
"I like how you talk about him as if Angelus was a different person than you," Connor said, his blue eyes flat and ugly.
Angel touched his son's shoulder and this time Connor did flinch away. "He is. One day you'll understand that. Wesley, grab some rest. You, too, Connor. I'm going to try to do the same."
Angel headed for the stairs. He wanted to see where Connor went, just to know where his son was but the boy didn't leave the ground floor. He was obviously determined to remain secretive. Angel was too exhausted to fight over it. He just headed for his room, wondering if it would just be better if he did give in to his demon, to cut himself off from the worry and just let go of his strength, for better or for worse.
Chapter FiveTangle a girl in the thorn of your heart
And need for her will not depart
Between Us
Tempest
Connor perched on the table in the Hyperion’s vast kitchen. He couldn’t help himself. He was starving. Shoving in the last of the bologna he was eating directly from the packaging wondering why it had a red chewy skin that it never did when Fred used to make it for him Connor paused in his chewing. A sound distracted him from the bad processed meat. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Cordy standing in the doorway.
“I just wanted a little warm milk. It’s supposed to make you sleep,” she said softly. She wore a figurative shroud around her, an almost visible desire to remain hidden from view.
Connor wrinkled his nose. “Fred used to tell me that. It tastes bad.”
Cordy shrugged, resignation settling over her. “Worth a try.”
Connor noticed. He could practically feel her unease, like a bad taste in his mouth. Somehow he knew it was directed at him. “Are you okay?”
She smoothed her sleep-rumpled hair, not meeting his eyes. “As good as I could hope for.”
“I don’t like staying here.” Connor hopped off the table and went to take her in his arms. She remained stiff against him. He tried to ignore it or at least understand why she was being cold. “We should go back to my home.”
“Connor, you should stay here.” She ran a hand over his face, feeling the stubble of his beard. “I am.”
“If I’m the reason it’s here, I should go.” His blue eyes went watery. “Alone.”
Cordy did pull him closer at that, her face indescribably sad. She pressed her lips to his cheek. “Stay, Connor, until we know more. If it is after you, we’ll never be able to help if we can’t find you. And we’ll fight this thing no matter what, whether you’re with us or not.” She let him go and went to pour herself the milk.
As Connor contemplated that, Cordy microwaved her milk. Her nose wrinkled as she tried to drink it.
“He knows you know,” Connor said finally. Something told him that Cordy’s initiating him into the ways of love was part of the problem, the reason for her distance now and it hurt.
Cordelia’s color rivaled that of her glass of milk. “I know.”
Connor’s eyes widened slightly as he went to her side, fearing he’d find bruises or worse. She took a step back. “Did he…hurt you?”
“He wouldn’t do that. He didn’t say anything, just that when this was all over, we’d talk.” A slight ripple in the milk betrayed her trembling hand. Cordelia had been frightened. She had never known Angel to hurt his friends but she knew he was angry by the way he said ‘what you did to my son’ and not ‘with.’ He had objectified Connor and she suspected he felt she had done the same.
Connor couldn’t remember such pain ever visiting him and taking up residence deep inside. She regretted what they had done. He could see it in her eyes. Did she still love his father? Why had she done this to him? “You…you’re sorry aren’t you?”
Cordy saw the tremor of emotion rippling through his too-thin frame. She knew well there was nothing to his body but small, lean muscles, not an ounce of waste anywhere, nothing resembling padding. Holding him had been like holding kindling wood wrapped in rawhide; only it hadn’t felt as bad as it sounded. There were wells of hidden potential in his small form. “I didn’t say that, Connor.”
“You didn’t have to. You still love him.” Connor scowled. “So why did you do it?”
Cordy took another step backward, seeing the hardness in his blue eyes, like chips of thick ice. This was not a man she wanted as an enemy. She had already known that. Cordelia remembered the hatred in Connor’s voice when he called Lorne a filthy demon, how the boy had tried to provoke him. She remembered the insanity in his eyes, the crazed grin as he tried to cut her throat without a second thought when she confessed her demon aspects. She thought she had purged the evil of Quor-toth from him. He seemed to have forgotten she was a demon or he’d never have been with her in the first place but maybe what she had done to him was beginning to wear off. What would it meant for them all if his murderous rage returned? She struggled to find her voice.
“I told you why before we…and I don’t still love him, Connor, not in that way. I wouldn’t have done that to you or him if I did. The Powers That Be made me live through his time as Angelus and I couldn’t deal with it. I don’t doubt they did it for a reason. Maybe it was their way of saying Angel and I were horribly wrong together.” She paused, burying her face in her hands, swallowing hard. She dropped her hands, staring into Connor’s intent face. “Maybe he was too close to losing his soul over me. He couldn’t concentrate on what needed doing, thinking about me, worrying. Sometimes love can’t be all there is to it, no matter how much it hurts to give it up.”
“And now he has me to worry about,” Connor said. “I should leave here.”
“We just went over this, Connor.” She caught him, seizing his slim shoulders. “You can’t go. We need you here.”
“It’s just…no one wants me here.” Tears boiled up in his eyes. Cordy cried for him. How alone must he feel? “Fred and Gunn don’t trust me. Wesley doesn’t know me and Angel…”
“Is your father and he loves you no matter what.” She hugged him tightly. “We’re all uncomfortable and scared and if you go it’ll be worse. Please stay.”
“For now,” he grumbled, resting his cheek against her.
Cordy held him for a moment then let him go. She knew she was only confusing him, sending mixed messages and that it was wrong of her to do it. She just couldn’t help herself. “And I think for now we need time apart. This is not the time for…relationships.”
“Yes, I know.” He sounded calm but the look in his eyes, betrayal and pain so deep there was no end to it, frightened her. “I make you uncomfortable, too.”
Cordy buried her hands in his hair and pulled him close again. She kissed him gently. “Please don’t think that. It’s just…complicated. I thought last night was our last ever.”
He gulped, struggling for control when all he wanted to do was bleed out. “Is that the only reason you-”
“No!” she interrupted him. “Connor, baby, I wish I could make you understand. It’s just we don’t have time for this right now. It’s going to be all we can do to survive. When it’s over we’ll deal with this. We’ll talk about us later.”
“You say a lot…and nothing at all,” he said, the bologna he ate weighed like lead in his belly. This time he was the one to pull away.
“Connor, please.”
“Talk later, remember? Here’s your space.”
He tried to brush past her but she caught his arm. “Where are you going?”
“Somewhere to think up other words for pity,” he snarled. “That’ll help explain last night.”
He yanked free and retreated to his newly selected room. He tried not to think about her. It hurt too much. No one had warned him about this. Oh, Father had told him often about the seductiveness of women and how love could cut but it hadn’t sunk in. He needed more of a warning or maybe just experience. Well, he had that now.
Connor looked at his bed, hating it. He had never quite gotten used to sleeping open and exposed. Now with that thing lurking outside and memories of Cordelia stalking his mind, he didn’t want to sleep on the bed. He liked the soft comfort it provided but the exposure worried him. Connor gathered up the bedding and took it into the closet. He stretched out painfully, his ribs twinging, and tried to find sleep inside of his makeshift cave.
Continue