After the Show

This takes place just after Show Time. While I think the plot is all mine, I’m sure I’ve unconsciously borrowed a lot from other fanfics which I’ve read (and I’ve read a lot of them!). If so, sorry!
Disclaimer: ok, I’m disclaiming that I own any of these characters. Did anyone think I was claiming before?
Please read, enjoy, and review. It’s my first fic, so don’t be too harsh!
Oh, anything in italics is a thought.

Chapter 1

He hung limply from the wall, zoning in and out of consciousness.
Suddenly a slight noise made him look up. He saw Buffy standing there,
holding a knife. Spike worked up the energy to make another sarcastic
remark. It was his way of resisting, as there wasn’t much he could do
physically.

“A knife, now, is it?” Spike scoffed. “What'll...what'll that...you—you can't hurt me. You're—you're just a bloody figment, you are. You're just...” He trailed off. Buffy- or something with the appearance of Buffy- approached him, her expression softening slightly. She cut him loose from his bonds. Since the First wasn’t corporeal, that alone should have been enough to make Spike realize this really was his Slayer, but in his dazed state, the truth only really became clear when his hand fell onto her shoulder.

“You. Oh.” He put his arm over her shoulder, and she put her arm around his waist. Buffy helped the weak and limping Spike towards the exit of the cave.

Just as they were about to exit the cave, Spike abruptly stopped, causing both Buffy and himself to stumble.

For the first time since her arrival, Buffy spoke, concern evident in her voice. “Spike? What’s wrong?” He looked at her.

One word said it all: “Sunrise.”

She took a moment to process this. Spike had been in this cave, being tortured, for... how long now? She had lost track. But although he obviously had no desire to remain where he was, he was safe now. No more ubervamp, and she could handle a few Bringers if any happened to come along. She lowered Spike gently until he was sitting up against a wall, then settled herself beside him. They were close enough that their shoulders touched, and he jerked away, seemingly out of habit. She sighed. Perhaps it was just as well that he wouldn’t let her get near him. While she was starting to acknowledge she had some feelings for him, a relationship was definitely not what she needed. Not when she had an army to lead.

Buffy glanced over at Spike. The eye which wasn’t swollen shut regarded her hungrily, drinking in the sight of her. So many times he’d seen her, only to find that the image was really the First. Feeling a bit uncomfortable with his intense gaze, she cast about for something to say. “Sorry I didn’t think to bring blood with me. Didn’t know how late -or rather how early- it was.”

“S’ok, I’ve lasted this long, I can go another day,” he croaked.

More silence, not much more comfortable than before. Spike felt it as well, and shifted uncomfortably.

“Slayer, shouldn’t you be gettin’ back to the Scoobies? Probably wonderin’ what happened to you.”

“Yeah...” she sighed. “Don’t really want to go back and deal with all of them,” she admitted.

Despite everything, sometimes Spike was still the only one she felt she could really tell anything to. Still, she supposed, she ought to go home and do something, at least let them know she was OK. Thank goodness today was a Saturday; work would have been just too much to deal with.

“You’re right. Guess I’ll head back. I’ll be back by sundown to help you back home.”

“Don’t need help. I’ll make it,” he rasped, rather unconvincingly.

Buffy snorted indelicately. That was Spike all right; some things would never change. “Spike, you could barely make it to the cave exit with my help. Don’t try to be all macho-ey.”

He started to protest; then, realizing he lacked the energy to do even that much, nodded mutely in acquiescence.

As she rose and started to leave, Buffy realized something. She handed Spike her knife. At his look of confusion, she explained “The Bringers. If they come back... Damn! Maybe I shouldn’t go.” The idea of staying, hiding, here with Spike was rather tempting.

“They haven’t been ‘round much lately. No worries.”

“Well...” she hesitated. “Just keep yourself alive -undead, whatever- till I get back. I need you.” Both of them realized how that sounded - his eyes widened in pleased shock, while she tried to rectify her error. “You’re the best fighter I have,” she added hastily, implying that was why she needed him. While true, she knew that he was important to her for other reasons, but those issues would have to be dealt with later. “Ok, um, then... see you at sundown.”

As she walked out of the cave into the sunlight, she heard Spike mutter, “The sun sets, and she appears.” That was what he had said to her the night she had come to his crypt during the whole singing-dancing fiasco. Right before he had asked her -or rather sung her- to let him rest in peace. The same night they had kissed for the first time.

Guess I didn’t listen to his song very well. Peace... what a weird idea. Maybe when this is all over, I’ll let him get that peace. Let him go... The thought of him not being there for her was a frightening one. When the First was defeated, one of her first priorities would be to get things straightened out with him, one way or another.

Chapter 2 - Home Sweet Home

With a tired groan, Buffy slammed the door shut behind her. Home, sweet home, she thought wearily. Not exactly the quiet, safe haven she imagined a house should be. As this thought passed through her head, she was suddenly attacked by numerous potentials. Not attacked as in a wow-you-killed-the-Ubervamp-and-saved-our-lives-thank-you-we-want-to-hug-you kind of way. No, this was an attack like we-think-you’re-evil-and-are-trying-to-kill-you.

As she fended off blows from potentials, she tried to figure out what was going on. Seeing Xander and a few more potentials standing a little to the side, looking uncertain, she called to them.

“Um, guys?” she asked, ducking a blow from Kennedy. “Want to tell me” grunt, punch “what this welcoming committee” kick, dodge, punch “is all about?”

While she didn’t want to hurt any of the potentials, some were giving her no choice. She winced as she heard a bone snap.

“Sorry!” she called.

Between their training and sheer numbers, she might have been overwhelmed if it weren’t for the fact that some were fighting halfheartedly, as if unsure they were doing the right thing. Just as Anya was about to speak up, a familiar figure came around the corner.

“That’s right girls! Kill her and we’re done. You can all go home and be safe.”

What the hell?!’ The figure was herself! Realization hit her at the same time as a potential’s fist. Once she’d recovered from that, she yelled “You idiots! That’s not me, that’s the First!”

One of the potentials - Anne maybe?- replied confusedly, “That’s just what you said you’d say!”

Since Buffy had first spoken, the girls had begun slacking off more and more, until they were just throwing a few wimpy blows which Buffy could easily dodge.

Xander spoke up. “She... you... Buffy said you’re the First.”

At this Buffy rolled her eyes. “Hello people, First incorporeal! Me, obviously corporeal!”

Anya replied “Just how stupid do you think we are? Buffy told us that you found a way to make yourself tangible and that you took that form to confuse us. You can’t fool us,” Anya finished triumphantly. As always, once Anya had made up her mind about something, she defended her position no matter what the reality of the situation was.

Buffy, annoyed now, snapped “Did it occur to any of you to touch her to see if she was corporeal?”

Anya and Xander exchanged glances in confusion, and the potentials backed off completely. Dawn, who had previously been engaged in the fight, lunged for the figure of Buffy. When she fell straight through the Buffy-figure to the floor, everyone (except Buffy) gasped.

“Two points for Buffy! Negative a gazillion points for the rest of you idiots!” Buffy exclaimed, stalking angrily over to the image of herself.

The Buffy-figure leered at the real Buffy. “What a formidable army you have here. They can’t tell you, Slayer, apart from me, ultimate evil. What does that say about them? Or perhaps a better question would be, what does that say about you?”

With that, the First turned into the image of the huge monster that had appeared to Buffy back when she was trying to save Angel from the First. Having scared the potentials witless, the First gave an evil laugh and disappeared.

Chapter 3 - Wheatabix, Blood and a Blanket

Author’s Note: Since it’s my fic and I can do whatever the hell I please, I’m changing the timeline in Angel around a little. Fred has already called Willow, who left for LA. Oh, and I have no idea how to spell wheatabix, so that’s how I’m spelling it.

Muttering angrily to herself, Buffy threw supplies into a bag. First aid kit, extra bandages, blood. Hmmm, perhaps some wheatabix ... she remembered Giles complaining about Spike’s love of wheatabix.

Xander entered the kitchen as she was scrounging about for the wheatabix. “So, Buffster, whatcha up to?” he said, trying to act nonchalant. Not being able to tell his best friend apart from the source of all evil was bound to make her a bit cranky, he realized. He was sorta hoping she wouldn’t mention that.

At the sound of his voice, Buffy looked up, receiving a crack on the head since she had the upper half of her body stuck in a cabinet, looking for those damn wheatabix.

“Ow!” she exclaimed, holding her hand to her head. She turned and glared icily at the carpenter. “What I’m up to is getting supplies together. Then I’m going to go back to the cave and help Spike. And Xander, I don’t want to hear anything bad come out of your mouth about Spike, got it?”

Xander gulped. Angry Buffy could very easily become Violent Buffy. He tried to keep a light tone. “So our favorite bloodsucker’s OK?”

Buffy thought about yelling at Xander for the sarcastic ‘favorite bloodsucker’ bit, but instead gave a wry laugh. “Well, let’s just say it’s a good thing he heals quickly.” At Xander’s confused look, she said “Remember how he looked after Glory had fun with him?” Xander nodded. “He’s pretty much like that, only maybe worse. I haven’t had a chance to talk to him about it yet, but I believe that, once again, Spike endured torture because of me- us, I mean. To protect us.”

She really didn’t want to deal with Xander and his close-mindedness... maybe she should talk to Willow. Speaking of which...

“Uh Xander, where the hell is Willow?

With a pitiful attempt at being funny, he said, “Well, not in hell!” At Buffy’s annoyed look he quickly continued. “Someone from Angel’s called. Said they needed her help. That’s really all I know.”

Buffy was worried. What on earth could be going on there? Well, whatever it was, she would just have to deal with it later.

“Right, well then... Just let her know what’s been going on when she gets back. I’m leaving to help Spike.”

With this statement, she swept past Xander into the living room, grabbing a blanket on the floor, and headed out the door. Xander couldn’t help but ask, “Uh, Buff? What’s the blanket for?” As she once again gave him an evil glare, he winced.

“For your information, it’s in case I feel I need to get Spike out of there during the daylight. What, thought I was falling back on old habits?” She paused, thinking. “Know what Xander? If I was, it so would not be any business of yours. My life is my life. Stay out of it.” She turned away and started off to see to her wounded vampire. She turned around once more though, and said calmly, softly, “Spike is a good man, Xander. Try and see that.”

He nodded, face serious, and she headed off.

Chapter 4 - Nightmares and Memories

She slowed as she approached the cave entrance. She’d run almost all the way there, the bag bouncing on her back. The running had allowed her to expend some of that anger she felt due to the unwarranted and stupid attack at home.

Buffy tried to enter the cave quietly. It was one of those things which she would never admit: she loved watching Spike sleep. After they’d... slept together? made love? they rarely slept together, and it wasn’t making love. Well, usually after they did... what they did... she’d left right after, before he’d fallen asleep. But sometimes she’d stayed, and sometimes she’d stayed awake longer than he did. When he was asleep she could gaze at his handsome, chiseled face, so peaceful and innocent in repose, and pretend this was a man, someone she could love, someone with a soul.

Well, guess he’s got the soul part down... does that mean I can love him now? She shook these thoughts away. Beat the Big Bad Evil First first, then think about Spike, she admonished herself.

She crept softly into the cave, hoping to catch her ex-lover sleeping peacefully. However, sounds of pain came to her ears, and she swiftly set her bag down and grabbed a stake from her jacket pocket.

Moving swiftly yet silently into the cave, she was surprised to find nothing there but Spike. Having ascertained that the cave was, indeed, empty save for the bleached wonder, she turned her eyes towards her vampire.

He did sleep, but not peacefully. He looked to be having a nightmare. I wonder, can vampires have nightmares? Did Angel ever... As she watched, he began thrashing about, looking like he was trying to fight something off. With his bruises, she realized this must be terribly painful, and indeed, his usually handsome face was screwed up in a grimace of pain.

As his movements became more and more violent, she realized that he still clutched her knife in her hand. Fearing that he would hurt himself, she knelt by his side and attempted to still him, nearly getting herself slashed in the process by his wild flailing with her knife.

“Spike! Spike! Wake up!”

She shook him, at first gently, then not so gently as he failed to respond. As soon as she had touched him, his movements had become less frantic, but he still seemed trapped in whatever nightmare he was in.

“Spike!!!” Buffy shouted, shaking him vigorously, all the while trying to hold the knife away from either of them.

Finally, his eyes opened and he sat up with a gasp, sending Buffy sprawling.

“Bu- Buffy?” Spike said confusedly. “I knew you’d... told her you’d...” he trailed off, partly due to his confusion and partly due to the pain coursing through his body. Thanks to quick vampiric healing, he was already feeling better than before, though he was in desperate need of blood to help with the healing.

Now it was Buffy’s turn to be confused. “You told who what, Spike?”

He shook his head in an effort to straighten out his thoughts. The pain that shot through his brain at this made him realize movement was probably not of the good right now.

“Sorry luv, must have been dreaming.”

He paused, regarding her, then looking towards the cave entrance. The sunlight showing through proved his internal clock was right- it was still day. His brow furrowed in puzzlement.

Buffy intercepted and correctly interpreted his glance. “Right, not sunset yet. I decided to come back a little early.” She sprang into action, running to get her bag, coming back, rummaging through it to find: “Blood. Figured you could use some of this.”

At the sight of the blood, Spike’s face immediately shifted into his vampiric visage. Buffy didn’t flinch, just offered the package of blood to him. However, when he realized that he had his ‘game face’ on, he ducked away in embarrassment.

Buffy sighed. “Spike, drink the damn blood already, it’s not like I don’t know you’re a vampire.”

He glanced at her a bit sheepishly for a moment, realizing how silly his actions were. Spike quickly grabbed the blood from her and drained it.

Buffy sat back and watched in satisfaction as he drank the blood. When he’d finished, she offered him another. He quickly tore that one open and drained it as well.

Two more blood packets later, Spike was feeling much better. When Buffy offered him yet another, he shook his head.

“Think I’m good now, pet. Thanks for the blood.”

“You’re welcome. Just glad I thought to bring so much. Guess you lost a lot of blood, huh...”

“Uh, yeah...”

An uncomfortable silence descended yet again.

“Oh! I brought bandages... here, let me bandage you up.” Buffy scurried to her bag, triumphantly pulling out the first aid kit and extra bandages. “Aha! Now, let me see what that stupid Ubervamp did to you.”

Spike shied away from her touch. “No need for that luv, it’ll heal on its own.”

She regarded him impatiently. He was more skittish around her than usual and it was starting to get on her nerves.

“Spike! Shut up already and let me bandage you.”

“Uh... right then,” Spike said, allowing Buffy to tend to him.

He flinched slightly when he felt her warm hand touch him, then relaxed as she began her ministrations.

It felt... good to touch him again. Before the blood, he’d looked like a starving man in some third world country. Her train of thoughts led her to her botched Thanksgiving feast with her friends, when they’d been attacked by Indians... err... Native Americans.

Flashback:

Spike : You know what happens to vampires who don't get to feed?

Buffy : I always wondered that. Giles, plates.

Spike : Living skeletons, mate. Like famine pictures from those dusty countries, only not half as funny.

She hadn’t liked Spike looking like a ‘living skeleton,’ as he’d put it so eloquently so many years ago, and was relieved that he looked better. She smiled a little as she remembered some of the other things he’d said that night:

Spike : You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. It's what Caesar did, and he's not going around saying, "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it." The history of the world isn't people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story.

He always had the ability to make her smile with his dry humor; back then, she’d had to hide her amusement.

Spike regarded her through partially closed eyes. “Whatcha smiling at, luv?”

“Just remembering.”

“Good memories?”

“Guess so. Didn’t think so at the time.” The Native American incident had occurred just before Willow’s ‘Let my will be done’ spell. At that memory, her smile faded, and she frowned thoughtfully.

“You OK there, pet?”

“Yeah... Spike, remember Willow’s spell? The ‘Let My Will Be Done’ thingy?”

Did he remember that! Every second was burned into his memory. The only time he had ever had Buffy like he wanted her- not just her body, but heart and soul. He swallowed nervously, wondering where this was going.

“ ‘course I do. Happiest time of my life.”

“Unlife,” she corrected teasingly, deciding maybe she’d better change the topic. Stupid, stupid Buffy! Why did you have to bring that up? Oh well, hopefully he’ll let it go... Of course he didn’t.

“What ‘bout you, slayer? Was... was that the memory tha’ caused the smile or the frown?”

He had to know. He didn’t really want to know, didn’t want that cherished memory to be ruined, but he had to know.

Buffy remained silent, concentrating a bit harder than perhaps was really necessary on his bandaging. Why, oh why, did my thoughts have to lead me there? She, too, remembered it all. She had been happy, really happy with him. None of the angst that she’d had in her relationship with Angel, none of the... well, nothing relationship she’d had with Parker, and none of the trying-too-hard relationship she’d had with Riley. It was something she’d purposefully forgotten, as much as possible.

But all of a sudden, something occurred to her. Something which had, in actuality, occurred to her before, but previously she’d quashed all thoughts along those lines. Willow told me that she said that I should just go marry him... marriage doesn’t necessarily mean love. But we were in love. But it was the spell which made us think we were in love... wasn’t it? Round and round her thoughts went, nearly making her dizzy.

She looked up. Spike was regarding her wide-eyed. “Didn’t think you’d ever realize that on your own, pet...”

Buffy regarded him for a moment, confused. Then she realized she must have said some of her thoughts out loud. Probably under her breath, as was her habit, but with his vampiric hearing... Damn damn and double damn! How am I going to get out of this one?

Chapter 5- Rain Check

A/N: Just wanted to say thank you so so so much for the reviews! I didn’t understand before why all the fanfic writers kept asking their readers to review, but I definitely do now. So in other words: review please! It’s really appreciated, and I will write more faster... 4 reviews and counting! Suggestions welcomed (though no promises that I’ll change anything).
Ok, on with the story:

Spike was still looking at her, wide-eyed and hopeful. Buffy sighed. Ooops... open mouth, insert foot! Nice going Buffy.

And Spike was STILL looking at her in that hopeful way. Maybe now would be a good time to tell him some things. Probably won’t get much alone time once I get him home. She glanced away from him, busying herself with re-rolling a bandage roll.

“It’s just... Well, it seems to me that Willow’s spell should only have had us being engaged, not being in love, but we were in love, I mean really in love, so I really don’t know how to explain it except to say maybe we really are... were... are... in love... I don’t know, oh God, I just don’t know,” Buffy babbled, feeling as if she were about to start sobbing from the confusion welling within her.

Finally she calmed herself and looked back up at Spike, who looked incredibly confused... and yes, still hopeful.

“Spike. I don’t know what exactly my feelings are for you. They may be love, they may not be. Maybe they could become love, given time. But time is what we really don’t have right now. I can’t... I can’t have any kind of relationship with you beyond friendship, not now anyway, not until the First is defeated. I’m sorry to be telling you this now, with you all wounded and stuff, but I really just needed to tell you, because when you were taken I realized that I might never get a chance to tell you all this.... can we maybe take a rain check on the deep, serious stuff?”

Spike sat motionless, absorbing her words. Blood hell... she might love me! Calm down ya stupid git, she might not... but she might, given time! Which we don’t have right now. Spike’s mind struggled to comprehend her somewhat confusing speech. Eventually, he came to his senses and managed to speak.

“Whatever you want, Buffy. If you want a rain check, a rain check it is.”

He was going to stop there, but he couldn’t resist continuing.

“But when we do defeat the first, I’m cashin’ in my check.”

She smiled at him. He understands! Well, duh he always understands. I should know that by now.

“Sounds like a plan. I gotta keep my credit good, now don’t I?” she asked teasingly. “Now let me finish up bandaging you and then you can sleep and heal. I need my strongest fighter back in my army.”

“Army? Th’ Scoobies are an army now? And I s’pose you’re General Buffy,” Spike mocked with an attempt at a smirk. The smirk didn’t work too well given some cuts which were in the way, but it was the thought that counted.

Oh... he doesn’t know about the potentials! Buffy realized.

“Um, right about the General Buffy, though not lovin’ that term, just doesn’t have a certain ring to it. Anyway, the army is, of course, the Scoobies, but also the zillions of S.I.T’s.”

“Stupid Inane Twerps?” Spike guessed.

Buffy laughed. “Something like that. No, actually it means Slayers in Training, aka Potentials. They’re all Potential slayers. The Bringers have been killing them all over the world, so they’re all being brought to my house so I can protect them...” she trailed off, remembering Annabelle, the girl who’d run off and gotten herself killed by the Ubervamp. Casualty #1, Buffy thought pessimistically. She shook off the thought. Spike was regarding her curiously. Might as well tell him everything....

“Right, so there’s... um, I have no idea how many teenage, annoying girls who have invaded my home. One... one ran off one night and got herself killed,” Buffy said, blinking back tears.

Spike gazed at her compassionately. “Sounds like there wasn’t much you coulda done there, luv.”

“Still... um, anyway, there’s a lot of stuff that’s happened...” Buffy proceeded to tell Spike about all that he’d missed: her first two, unsuccessful fights with the Ubervamp, her decision to fight back, Willow’s botched locator spell, the dead potential whose form the First took in her house, the showdown between her and the neanderthal vamp, and, finally, the encounter she’d had back at her house earlier that day.

At this last, Spike starting banging his head against the wall- painful in any circumstance, but given how wounded he was, even more so. “Spike, you stupid soddin’ bloody git...” he groaned.

Buffy grabbed him and forced him to stop. “Spike! What the hell is wrong with you? Don’t tell me you’re going all crazy again.”

“I shoulda known! That’s what’s wrong, I shoulda known, I shoulda warned you.”

“About what?”

“About th’ fact that th’ First can take your form. She.. It... was always doing that to me.”

Buffy made a face. “Weird, thinking of something goin’ around, looking and talking like me. But anyway, don’t worry about it. Wouldn’t have helped if you had told me.”

“Yeah... guess you’re right,” Spike said dejectedly. He knew, logically, she was right, but he still felt bad. Stupid soul... can’t ya stick to makin’ me feel guilty when I actually deserve it? Rational guilt... he snorted to himself. Right, souls and emotions and stuff, not rational. Gotta remember that.

Buffy had her head cocked sideways, clearly thinking. “Is that why you said what you said to me when I first came in? You thought I was the First.” She was slightly disappointed. OK, that’s a lie, she was pretty damn disappointed. The fact that Xander, Anya, and the Potentials couldn’t tell her apart from the First was painful, but this...

“Well, yeah... but only for a second, pet. Being barely conscious didn’t help my senses. Shoulda seen... shoulda smelled... The First only looks like you. Doesn’t act like you, doesn’t smell like you...” And I bet she doesn’t taste like you, he added silently, closing his eyes.

“Hey, you’re tired, maybe you should get some rest-”

“No! Don’t go... please.. oh, bloody hell, never mind. Guess you have to go.” He added softly, “like always.” It was just loud enough for her to hear.

If she hadn’t made up her mind before, she had now. “Didn’t say I was leaving, now did I?”

Spike looked at her hopefully. “You’re... you’re stayin’?”

“Yep.” Buffy nodded her head decisively. “Don’t wanna go back to my oh-so-pleasant home... too noisy. Plus, I’m beat, think I’ll crash here with you. If you don’t mind.”

“Not a bit, pet.”

She got out the blanket she’d brought and laid it out so they wouldn’t have to sleep on the cold, hard cave floor. She sat back so Spike could lay down, then curled up next to him. She couldn’t get too close because of his wounds, but it was close enough to make her feel safe.

Spike froze when he realized she was laying down with him. As her small body cuddled up next to his, he relaxed.

This is nice... was their last thought before they drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 6- A Long Talk in a Damp Cave

A/N- Review! Pretty pretty please with a Spike on top?

Also, I know this may get a bit rambley, and I apologize if that’s the case. But I can’t know if it’s bad and rambley if you don’t review, now can I? Hehe, ok, obviously I’m beggin’ for some reviews. Even flames are welcome (as long as they’re constructive flames. Which makes no sense, but you know what I mean.)
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Spike awoke, aware of some change in his surroundings. His eyes opened. OK, still in this bloody cave, so what’s diff’rent?

A voice answered his question. A Buffy voice, to be specific, though the tone was gentler than he was used to.

“Hey Spike, you’re awake. You sleep well? You hungry?”

That’s what was different: no Buffy curled at his side.

Spike sat up with a groan. To his surprise, Buffy rushed to his side to help him sit up and lean against a wall.

“Thanks, pet. Yeah, I’m a mite bit peckish...” he trailed off. “And yeah, I did sleep well,” he added, startled.

“Um, one blood packet coming right up... you been having’ nightmares?” Buffy asked while getting out and opening a blood package.

“Just...” Spike shrugged, then winced as he once again remembered to keep movement to a minimum. “Yeah, a coupla lil’ nightmares lately if you really must know.”

“Didn’t mean to pry. Well, maybe I did. Um, anyway, do ya think this could be the First, getting to us through our dreams? ‘Cause if she/he/it can do that, we need to know.” Buffy handed him the blood, which he eagerly took and drained with his vampire-face on.

Spike considered this while drinking the blood. Finished, he shook his head to put back on his human visage and responded.

“Dunno, luv. Don’t think so. Think it’s a side-effect of the soul rather than some Big Bad. Been having them since I got the spark. Except just now.”

“Hmmm...” Buffy pondered this while packing up the blanket and empty blood packets. “Maybe it really was the First, and the killing of the Ubervamp wounded it or something so... no, ‘cause the Ubervamp wasn’t really around when you got your soul... Anyway, sorry to hear about the nightmares Spike, but sounds like it’s just your guilty conscience. Which you so need to get over by the way,” she said, plopping herself down beside him.

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Easier said than done, pet.”

Buffy sighed. “Yeah... I know what you mean.”

Spike snorted. “Buffy, luv, you’ve saved the Earth and all its sorry inhabitants how many times? And even gotten yourself killed in the process a coupla times,” he said sadly, remembering the summer without her. Shaking off the sad memory, he continued. “So somehow, I think that kinda makes up for snapping at the Niblet or something. S’nothing compared to torturing and killing hundreds, that’s... unforgivable...” Spike looked down and away from her, remembering again that he had no right to even look at her.

Buffy’s first impulse was to jump up and yell at him, but then changed her mind. Yelling at him was too reminiscent of how things had been last year between them. Instead, she gently took his chin in one hand and turned his face towards her.

“Spike. I have a bit of Giles-wisdom for you.”

Spike rolled his eyes. “Oh, bloody great,” he muttered.

“Spike! Shut up and listen to me!” Ok Buffy, no yelling, deep breaths. Once she was certain he was listening- though he still refused to look at her- she continued. “Giles once told me that people aren’t forgiven because they deserve to be, but because they need to be. Since all the people that you hurt so long ago - pre-soul, might I add- aren’t around to do the forgiving, I guess you’ll just have to forgive yourself. And for heaven’s sake, do it quickly ‘cause I need my best fighter whole, mentally as well as physically.”

Tears started to well up in his eyes, and he turned even farther away from her. Stupid git, turning into such a poof. Trying to hide his unmanly tears, he spoke.

“Buffy, you just don’t get it. If... if I am forgiven, if I don’t suffer eternally, which I should, ‘specially after... after what I did to you... than what tells me it was so wrong in the first place? Can’t have been too bad if I’m not sufferin’ for it... and then what’s... what’s to stop me from goin’ and doin’ it again? And then being all sorry afterwards and sayin’ stupid things like ‘I know I don’t deserve forgiveness but I need it so forgive me’? And-”

She cut him off. “Is that really what you’re worried about? Hurting people again? It’d be one thing if you said you weren’t going to do something, then did it, said you really weren’t this time, then did it, and so on. Like my dad with cheating.”

Spike looked at her, surprised and angry. “He did that? To a lovely woman like your mum? That’s just...” he sputtered off into silence.

“Yeah, I’m with you on that one. Besides, unlike him, you at least try and keep your word. Usually... But that’s off topic. Anyway, where was I... oh yeah. Spike, you’ve changed.”

“Yeah, yeah, the soul, I know. Still doesn’t make things right. Can’t just tack on a soul and have everythin’ be all right as rain and whatnot.”

“I know. But forgiveness is important. Can you ever forgive me for the way I treated you last year? Because honestly Spike, what you... almost did to me is really nothing compared to what I spent all of last year doing to you. And I don’t have the excuse of being soulless at the time.”

Spike looked up at her in shock. That was probably the last thing he expected to here from her.

Eventually he found his voice. “Nothin’ to forgive, luv. I’m evil.” She shot him a dirty look. He corrected himself with an exasperated sigh. “Fine, I was evil. Plus, you had just come back from Heaven, and everythin’ was so hard for you here...”

Buffy shrugged. “That’s a worse excuse than not having a soul. ‘Cause that one... well, even soulless you managed to do some pretty good things, like taking care of Dawn when I was gone.”

Spike was amazed. He’d never expected to hear any of these things.

Buffy noticed his astonishment. Uh-oh, what do I say now... ooooh! Look, sundown! At last.

She cleared her throat nervously. “So, just remember what I said and forgive yourself and .... and it’s sundown so we’d better get home.” She jumped up, grabbing her bag, then helping Spike to his feet. Her arm around his waist, his arm around her shoulder, they limped off homeward-bound, silently, each busy with their own thoughts.

***************

Chapter 7- Coming Home

Buffy and Spike headed home in complete silence- for the most part. About halfway there, Spike told Buffy he needed to rest for a bit. She gently let him down to sit on a gravestone (they were taking a shortcut through one of the many cemeteries).

As Spike was resting there, ‘catching his breath,’ he realized there was one more very important thing he needed to ask the Slayer. He just had to make sure. It was the reason he’d been able to remain sane and not give in to the First. Then, he had to believe it. Now, he needed to know if it were true.

“Buffy...”

She was instantly at his side. “What’s wrong?”

“No, no. It’s just... I have one more question that I hafta ask.”

Buffy sighed nervously. What is he gonna ask now? “Go ahead, shoot.”

“Right, well then.” Spike began to speak very fast, as he was rather nervous himself. “Before... before I got taken, you said some things to me and, well, I just wanted to know if you meant them.” He paused. “And... I’ll understand if you didn’t, I mean, I know I don’t deserve-”

“Spike, shut up already, I think we’ve been through the deserving thing. And in answer to your question Spike, I do believe in you. You can be a better man.”

Spike breathed a sigh of relief.

“No, I take that back,” Buffy said.

He looked up at her, disbelieving, confused.

She saw his hurt expression and knelt down so she was level with him, eye-to-eye. “Spike, you are a good man. In fact, I just told Xander that earlier today, and that’s what I tried to tell you before....” she trailed off, watching for his reaction.

“Really?” Spike asked, his voice embarrassingly high-pitched with relief.

She nodded. “Really really.”

A smile appeared momentarily on his bruised and battered face.

A matching smile appeared on Buffy’s less bruised face. “Let’s get you home.”

*******

She carefully helped him up the steps to her house. Opening the door with the hand unoccupied with holding the increasingly weakening Spike up, she led him in.

Buffy was too busy watching him and making certain he wouldn’t fall to look ahead into the living room. Spike, however, glanced up to make sure he wouldn’t stumble over one of these SIT’s. From what Buffy had said, it sounded like they were everywhere, always underfoot.

He stopped abruptly with a muttered curse.

Buffy looked at him worriedly. “Spike? You all right?”

“No, I am not bloody all right! You bleedin’ forgot to tell me that soddin’ Captain Cardboard was back!” Spike yelled with all his strength.

“What the hell are you....” she started to say. Turning, she saw one of those many men who’d said they loved her, whom she had loved, and who had left her. “...Oh.”

Chapter 8- Leading to a Talk***************************

“No, I am not bloody all right! You bleedin’ forgot to tell me that soddin’ Captain Cardboard was back!” Spike yelled with all his strength.

“What the hell are you....” she started to say. Turning, she saw one of those many men who’d said they loved her, whom she had loved, and who had left her. “...Oh.”

Spike looked at her, surprised. “You didn’t know,” he stated.

“No, of course not! You honestly think I wouldn’t tell you something like this?”

“Well, I- ”

Xander spoke up now. “Hey, as much as I just hate to break up this fascinating discussion, Undead Boy looks like he’s ready to keel over, and I think Buffy needs to talk to Riley.”

To Buffy and Spike’s mutual amazement, Xander came over and carefully put his arm around Spike.

Xander continued to amaze them as he added: “I’ll just help Spike lie down-”

“Uh, actually mate I think I need a shower more than a nap right now.”

Buffy wrinkled her nose. She hadn’t really noticed it before, but he did truly reek. “Right. Xand, take him to my mother’s bathroom, k? Find some clothes for him to wear, please. And... thanks.”

“Sure thing, boss,” Xander said to Buffy with a nod. “Come on Spike, up we go.”

Riley glared coldly at Spike. He knew he couldn’t do anything to the vampire right now, as Spike was clearly under Buffy’s protection. He’d make her see reason, though, and then one more vamp would be nothing more than a pile of dust.

Buffy watched till the men had disappeared around the corner before turning to face her ex. Dawn, Anya, and Andrew who’d also been in the room, took the chance to slip out.

“We’ll just go downstairs and see how the SIT’s are doing,” Dawn told her sister.

Dawn and Anya began moving away, but Andrew just stayed there. With a sigh, Dawn headed back and grabbed his arm. “Come on, Andrew!”

“Oww! That hurts!” Andrew whined. “I want to stay and-” He was cut off by a slap to the back of the head by Dawn. “Oh fine. Ya know, it’s just like this Star Trek episode where...” his voice trailed off as the three headed downstairs.

Finally! thought Buffy. Now, time to talk.

Riley now rose and stepped towards her. As he came into the light, she gasped. She hadn’t been able to see him very well before. His face was... well, grim would be an extreme understatement. He had a large scar down the right side of his face which added to his new dour look. All in all, he looked nothing like the man she’d once known.

“Buffy,” Riley rasped. Even his voice was harsher. “We need to talk.”

*****

Chapter 9- Catching up with the Ex

**************************

“We need to talk,” Riley said.

Buffy looked at him. What did I ever see in him? I mean, state the obvious much? Of COURSE we need to talk.

Out loud, all she said was, “Ok, Riley. Let’s sit down and talk. Do ya want something to eat? Hot chocolate?”

He looked at her strangely. Hot chocolate? What? “Uh, no. Thanks.”

He sat back down on the couch and Buffy plopped herself down into a comfy chair facing him.

Finally, Riley cleared his throat and began. “A lot has happened to me, and I’m sure a lot has been happening here. But I need to tell you something very important first. You’re not going to like hearing this.” Though I will enjoy telling you this, he added silently.

“Oh, just spit it out already Riley, it’s been a bit of a long couple of days,” Buffy snapped.

Blinking at her rudeness, Riley continued. “Right then. Cut right to the chase. Hostile 17’s chip was only a temporary one. Since he wasn’t, obviously, supposed to go free the temporary part shouldn’t have been a problem. The chip was still very new, very experimental.”

He paused. Buffy chose not to respond, sensing he had more to add. She was also a bit annoyed at his use of the term ‘Hostile 17’ in place of ‘Spike.’

“So, basically, Hostile 17’s chip may not be working, or it will very soon cease to be. I understand not staking him when he was harmless and could be useful, but he’s nothing but a danger now.”

Buffy was still regarding him blankly, as if waiting for him to make his point. He frowned. Maybe he’d have to spell it out for her.

“Buffy,” he said slowly and carefully, as if to a small child, “Hostile 17 needs to be staked. He can and will kill humans again.”

The words which next came out of Buffy’s mouth surprised him.

“No, he won’t,” she calmly stated.

“Buffy, he’s a vampire! An evil, soulless, HST who will murder you the first chance he gets.”

She was really starting to lose her patience. “Spike is not evil. In fact, he’s not soulless either.”

Shocked, Riley could do nothing but stare at this woman. God, he really must have her under some sort of spell or something.

“I don’t know what that HST has been telling you, but it’s a lie. He couldn’t-”

Buffy stood up, staring down at this boy playing at being a soldier.

“Riley! Shut up! You have no idea what you’re talking about. Look, Spike has a soul. He’s endured torture numerous times to save me- err, us. And some of that was before the soul. Some was to get the soul. He chose to get the thing. And it hurt him... God, how it hurt him! It drove him insane. For a while. And-”

Riley jumped to his feet and glared down at her.

“What, has sleeping with the HST affected your brain? You know, maybe I was wrong, maybe you aren’t the woman I once loved, perhaps you have changed. I think Hostile 17 has you under some kind of thrall. Well, I’ll just break it, and then you’ll see the truth.”

Before Buffy could move, Riley had run up the stairs. She ran after him as quickly as possible. He always has to be the hero, she mused. Even so, this is stupider than usual for him.

With her being still slightly wounded from her battle with the Ubervamp, and his rage lending him speed, she didn’t reach him until he was close to her mother’s bedroom door.

As chance would have it, at that exact moment a now-clean Spike opened the door. Buffy grabbed Riley and threw him backwards to the floor, inserting herself between him and Spike.

A thoroughly confused Spike looked at them both. “Uh, pet, what’s-”

Buffy cut him off, yelling at Riley. “Damn it, Riley! He has a soul! He’s good! He helps! No staking of Spike!”

Spike got it now. So he’s out to stake me again. “Got another plastic stake with ya, soldier boy?”

“Not plastic this time,” Riley growled.

It was Buffy’s turn to be confused. But before she could say anything, Spike continued.

“Buffy’s right, I do have a soul. As for being good, well, I’m tryin’.”

Riley stared up at him, hatred clear on his face. He didn’t bother attacking with Buffy standing right there.

Spike decided they needed to resolve this, once and for all. “Killing me won’t get Buffy back, ya know,” he said softly, not mockingly for once. He figured that’s what this was about, at some level.

Spike paused, considering. “Besides, what about the missus?”

“Yeah, where’s Sam?” Buffy chimed in. Maybe Sam could knock some sense into her husband.

Riley’s reaction was totally unexpected. He began to sob. “I... I killed her.”

Buffy and Spike exchanged glances, each clarifying that the other had no idea what he was talking about.

“You... you killed her?” Buffy asked, disbelieving.

“Yeah...” Riley continued to sob, head in his hands.

Spike frowned thoughtfully. Something didn’t sound right. Oh. Of course.

“Uh, mate, when you killed the missus, was she, by any chance, say, other than human?”

Buffy’s eyes widened. Of course... oh, how terrible. She kneeled down beside the weeping man.

“Riley, you had to. She knew that was a risk in this business. Sam would’ve wanted you to kill the demon. And she wouldn’t want you to feel guilty about it, either.”

Riley finally looked up. “But... but if Spike can be good, she coulda too. No, I murdered her.”

Spike shook his head. This boy was so naive. “Doesn’t work like that. I came to be this way because of very singular conditions. First, the bloody chip. Second, the fact that I loved Buffy more than...” No words for that. “And thirdly, the soddin’ soul that I went and got. You did the right thing. Don’t doubt-”

The little moment they were having was broken by a sound from the downstairs; specifically, the sound of Xander screaming.

“Follow me,” Buffy ordered.

Chapter 10: Old Friends

*************************

The little moment they were having was broken by a sound from the downstairs; more specifically, the sound of Xander screaming.

“Follow me,” Buffy ordered. Without looking behind her, she rushed towards the stairs.

Without thinking, the two men followed; Riley, because he was used to following orders; Spike, because he would follow Buffy to hell- literally.

Buffy stopped abruptly when she reached the bottom of the stairs, causing the men behind her to nearly fall into her. Spike, still injured, fell backwards onto the stairs, and remained there as he tried to process the scene in front of him.

Angel was fighting with Xander. Not really fighting, more just keeping Xander at bay, Buffy noted. But is this Angel? Or Angelus?

Xander looked up, seeing her. “Buffy! Ugh! Help me!”

“Angel. Let him go,” Buffy stated as calmly as she could.

The vampire holding him tried to explain. “Buffy, if I let go, he’ll stake me.”

Buffy looked carefully. Indeed, Xander had somehow managed to be in a pretty good position to stake Angel. It was a situation Angel could have easily gotten out of, but not without hurting Xander.

Just as she decided that it must really be Angel, not Angelus, Xander shouted:

“Willow called. She was in LA ‘cause -owww!- urgh- ‘cause he lost his soul again.”

“Yeah, I did, but I got it back now, ya gotta believe me,” Angel beseeched her.

“Where is she, then?” Buffy asked accusingly.

Angel looked up. “Getting a book or something, I swear, she’ll be here!”

Spike started to speak up. “I can- ulp!”

A crazed Riley, seeing his chance with Buffy distracted, hauled Spike up the stairs and started fighting with him. Buffy was about to tell Angel to stay still so she could go help, when a new development occurred.

“Woah! What the hell is going on here? Angel? B?”

All eyes turned to regard Faith, and the boy standing behind her.

Angel explained tersely. “They think I’m Angelus.”

“Oh, well, he was, but he’s all souled up again, thanks to the Wicca chick.”

The mystery boy nodded sullenly in agreement.

Angel finally just knocked Xander away.

Breathing hard, not moving from where he’d landed, Xander said, “Yeah, ‘cause your credibility is sooo high here, Faith. Buffy, you can’t possibly listen to her or Angelus! I mean, they’ve both tried to kill me! She’s supposed to be in jail!”

Angel and Faith both started to speak, with Xander still continuing his ranting on top of them.

Finally, Buffy shouted, “Ok, everyone, shut up! Faith, Angel, mystery kid- any of you move, and I’ll kill you.”

Having said this, she ran up the stairs and knocked the insane Riley off the already wounded vamp. Riley struck a wall and fell, unconscious.

Spike had been holding his own in the fight, but just barely. She grabbed Spike and helped him down the stairs. To her relief, the scene was exactly as she’d left it.

Xander, Angel, and Faith all started to speak up the moment Buffy came into view. Before they could get more than a word out, Spike whispered to Buffy, “Lemme get closer to him, and I’ll be able to see if he has a soul.”

Buffy nodded, and Spike limped over to Angel. All fell silent, realizing what was going on.

Spike walked right up to Angel, stared him in the eyes. After a moment, he turned and sauntered (as best he could) back to Buffy. “It’s Angel. He’s got a soul.”

A flabbergasted Angel squeaked out, “So... so do you!”

“Yeah, that’s kinda old hat now, mate. You know, you are gettin’ on in years, gettin’ a lil’ slow, maybe you should think ‘bout retiring,” Spike joked.

Faith spoke up. “So that takes care of Angel. What about me?”

Before Buffy could say anything, Angel responded. “I’ll vouch for her, Buffy. She only broke out of jail because Wesley asked her to, so she could help me.”

Buffy nodded, accepting his word. “And mystery kid?”

Angel opened his mouth and closed it without making a sound.

“Angel? The mystery kid?” Buffy repeated, frowning.

Faith snorted. “What broody boy here is trying not to tell you is that Connor is his son.”

Xander, Spike, and Buffy regarded Faith with varying expressions of disbelief. Buffy turned to her first lover.

He sighed. “It’s a long story.”

She inclined her head, indicating that his answer was good enough- for now.

“How about we move into the family room? Have an impromptu Scooby meeting?” Buffy suggested.

Everyone nodded.

General Buffy came out. “All right, Xander, why don’t you grab some snacks, I got the feeling that this might be a long meeting. Angel, help him with that, would ya? There’s blood in the fridge for you and Spike, heat it up in the microwave if you want. Faith, mystery kid - err, Connor, go upstairs and see if my ex is still unconscious. I suspect he is. If he is, lay him on the nearest bed, and Connor, please stay with him and watch him. He’s a bit off his rocker at the moment.”

“Yeah, just a bit,” Spike muttered sarcastically.

Buffy ignored his comment. “If he’s not unconscious, bring him down to the meeting, and keep an eye on him. Spike, you head in and sit down- you ok? Do you need any more bandaging?” Buffy asked worriedly, realizing he might have been hurt in the scuffle with Riley.

He shook his head, slightly mortified she was suggesting he was weak in front of everyone, but more surprised (and pleased) that she was openly expressing her concern.

“Ok then, I’ll just pop downstairs, check on the SIT’s, get Dawn and Anya, and we’ll talk. Oh, and does anyone know where the hell Giles is?”

Xander raised his hand hesitantly. “Sorry, meant to tell you this before... He’s off picking up another SIT, in Sweden. Or maybe Switzerland? Something like that. Began with an S, anyway.”

Spike snickered quietly. I forgot how funny the Whelp could be. Not on purpose, of course, but still, amusing.

“Uh, what’s an SIT?” Faith asked.

Buffy rolled her eyes, tired of explaining. “Spike or Xander can explain it.”

Everyone remained still, awaiting for further orders, Buffy realized. “Let’s go!”

With those oh-so-rallying words, her troops started to move- to get food, and other such important actions.

Buffy headed downstairs.

************

Chapter 11: Scooby Snacks

*****************************

Buffy walked into the living room. Spike was already in there, along with Xander, Angel, and the food. The boys were already chowing down. She was relieved to see that they weren’t fighting, verbally or physically. Considering this trio’s history...

“Hey guys, Anya and Dawn should be up in a sec, the SIT’s are gonna keep training for a bit. I’m gonna go check on Riley.”

They all nodded, and kept stuffing their faces (or, in the cases of Spike and Angel, kept gulping down the warm blood).

She snorted, amused. Ah, males... some things never change.

Before she reached the stairs, she heard the front door creak open. Grabbing a nearby ax (and making a mental note to tell the SIT’s to not leave sharp, pointy objects lying around), she moved forward, ready to attack some Big Bad. She raised the ax, and...

“Willow!”

Willow looked up to see Buffy coming towards her, arms outstretched, one hand holding an ax.

Nervously, Willow started backing away.

“Um, Buff?”

“Yeah?” Buffy said, confused.

“Mind losing the ax?”

“Oh! Right, sorry!” Buffy dropped the ax and gave Willow a big hug, smashing her a bit. “It’s good to see you. You’re gonna have to tell me all about it later, k? Right now, Scooby meeting in the living room. I’ll be right there.”

Used to not knowing what was going on, and figuring she’d find out at the meeting, Willow headed into the family room, finding the boys. Xander jumped up (spilling food everywhere), giving her another bone-crunching hug.

On her way upstairs, Buffy met Faith coming down. “Everything ok?”

“Yeah B, s’cool, soldier boy’s still out... look, Buffy, there’s some stuff I need to talk to you about...”

“Save it for later, Faith. Scooby meeting now, remember?”

Faith nodded, a bit put off (and slightly relieved) that she would have to wait to apologize and explain.

Finally, the Scooby meeting started.

General Buffy explained to Faith and Angel about her ‘army,’ mentioning that she was glad for the extra muscle they brought.

Angel shifted uncomfortably. “Uh, Buffy, I’m just passing through, on my way to San Francisco to pick up something important... I’m kinda needed back in LA.”

Buffy closed her eyes. What, you thought he was here to stay? You should know better than that by now, girl. She thought she heard Spike mutter something about the not sticking around being typical of his grand-sire.

“Ok, how ‘bout you Faith?”

“I’m here to stay, B, if you need me. The kid, too.”

“Connor?” Buffy asked, surprised. She knew the kid wasn’t a vamp, so she’d figured he was normal.

Faith chuckled. “He fights like his father. Which means I can take him, but still, he’s not bad.

“Hey!” Angel objected, realizing the insult to himself.

“Just kiddin, broody boy.” Faith grinned at Angel playfully. To everyone’s surprise, he grinned back.

The gears in Buffy’s mind started to turn. Hmmm... Something there, maybe? To her surprise, the thought brought no feelings of jealousy.

She continued. “Well, with the additions of Faith and Connor, I’ve decided we can branch out a bit. Xander, if it’s cool with you, I’d like you to take a few Scoobies and please take several SIT’s back to your apartment. Dozens of girls, few bathrooms.... gets pretty ugly in the mornings,” Buffy explained to Faith and Angel.

Xander nodded. “Can do, Buff. Who do you want me to take?”

Buffy thought for a moment. “Take Riley when he wakes up. I think he’ll be OK, I’ll talk to him later. He’ll be useful for training the girls, as well as fighting. Faith, you go with Xander too, k? And Anya, you go too. So we have Xander, Riley, Anya, and Faith there, and me, Spike, Willow, Connor, and, of course, Dawn, here. Sound all right?”

Everyone nodded, Anya clearly unsure whether she should be upset or not.

Dawn smiled, glad to have been mentioned, just like she was a real Scooby.

“Uh, Buff, does it matter which SIT’s I take?” Xander asked.

“Nah. Try to get a mix of the more experienced and the newbies,” she responded. A thought occurred to her. She smiled winningly at her friend. “Xand? Do me a favor, take Andrew with you?”

Xander groaned, but acquiesced, as she knew he would.

Willow spoke up, a bit shyly. “Can I request that-”

Xander interrupted, knowing what his best friend was going to say. “Don’t worry Wills, Kennedy stays here.”

Willow smiled happily.

Faith butted in. “Ooooh, so who’s this Kennedy? New boyfriend?”

“More like potential girlfriend.”

“Ah, that explains the way you were acting with Fred. Was wondering ‘bout that. Here I thought you were reserved and nerdy. Turns out you’re a lesbian witch. Who woulda thunk it.”

Faith and Willow both giggled.

Buffy cut the gossip session short. “So, we’re all clear then. Connor will help Xander with Riley. Anya, you wanna pick a few SIT’s to go with you guys? Dawn, help her with that. Wills... go say hi to the potential girlfriend.”

Those she’d named left, till only Spike, Buffy, Faith, and Angel remained.

Buffy cleared her throat. Geez, could cut this tension with an ax...

“Spike and I are gonna head upstairs. Once he’s settled in, Faith, I need to talk to you. Angel, when do you need to leave?”

“Pretty soon. Tell you what, I’ll take Spike upstairs, and you can talk to Faith.”

“Hey! Sittin’ right here, people! I’m fine, I can take care of myself,” Spike protested.

Buffy cast an amused glance at his battered body. “Right, Spike.” She turned to Angel. “Why don’t you put him in my room, it’s the quietest right now.”

To her surprise, Angel didn’t object. Spike, however, did. “No, Buffy, I’m not havin’ the poof help me, and I’m not stealin’ your bed-”

“Spike! You need to rest, and get better, fast. Don’t know how soon the First’ll come up with another Ubervamp to play with.” He opened his mouth, but she cut him off. “That’s final! So... deal!”

Buffy took Faith by the arm and hauled her outside.

Angel moved to help Spike.

“Get away, you stupid git, I can get up on my own.”

After a few seconds of watching Spike struggle, Angel went over and helped him stand up and go to Buffy’s room, Spike protesting the whole way.

*******************

Chapter 12: Popping like Warm Champagne

*****************************

Buffy leaned against a support on the porch while Faith sprawled on the stairs.

Seeing that Faith didn’t seem inclined to speak up first, Buffy said, “So, what did you want to talk to me about?”

Faith took a deep breath. “Look, B- err, Buffy- I know words can’t make up for all that I did. But ya gotta know I’ve really changed. And I am incredibly sorry for what I did. I know there’s nothing I can say that will replace the lives I’ve taken, and I know I don’t deserve to be forgiven... But I’m here to help, as much as I can.”

To Faith’s surprise, Buffy gave a little laugh. At Faith’s questioning glance, Buffy said, “It’s just that Spike said a similar thing about not deserving to be forgiven. And I may as well tell you the same thing I told him. People aren’t forgiven because they deserve to be, but because they need to be. Giles once told me that, after I had to kill Angel.”

Faith thought about that for a moment. “Still... doesn’t change the fact that I killed someone. I’m a murderer... I just wanted to say that I know that I can’t be one of the gang, and that’s cool, I just wanted to let you know I’ll do whatever I can.”

Buffy chuckled wryly. “As far as being a murderer goes, you’re hardly alone. Let’s see... obviously, Spike and Angel. And Willow-”

Faith cut her off. “Wait, the computer-geek-turned-lesbian-Wicca is a murderer?”

“Oh yeah, you didn’t hear about the whole Warren thing and trying to end the world?”

“Nope, jail gossip tended towards slightly different topics.”

“Right, well, I’ll tell you about it some other time if you want. Xander actually ended up averting that apocalypse with a yellow crayon.”

Faith gave Buffy a really weird look.

Buffy continued. “Anyway, so there’s those three. And Anya. And Giles even confessed to having killed a human, though the human he killed lived in the same body as a god who wanted to destroy the world, so, extenuating circumstances there. Hmm... well, Xander cast that dumb singing and dancing spell, which caused some deaths, though he didn’t intend that. Oh, and Andrew’s a murderer, though he’s not really one of the gang.”

Faith was staring at her, speechless. She was rarely shocked, but this was an exception.

“Wow,” Faith said slowly. “Guess I’m really not alone... Thanks B.”

“Anytime, F,” Buffy said teasingly.

They both remained silent for a moment, reflecting.

“Hey B, let’s ditch this serious shit and go kick some demon ass.”

Buffy paused, thinking. We probably should take some Potentials for training... nah, screw that! It’s Slayer girls’ night out.

Out loud, she responded, “Sounds good. Lemme just go tell someone what’s up, so they don’t freak when we turn up missing.”

***

Almost as soon as the two had stepped into the cemetery, they saw seven vamps headed towards them.

Faith rubbed her hands in anticipation as she waited for the vamps. “Man, I can’t wait for a good fight.”

“Good to have you back, Faith.”

By now, the vampires were upon them. Despite how long it’d been, Faith and Buffy still fought well together. Faith took on four, Buffy the other three.

Faith was a whirlwind of action. She fought with an evil grin of glee on her face, punches and kicks flying.

Finally, both Buffy and Faith were faced with one vamp. As Faith toyed with hers, loath to let her first real fight in a long time end, she said, “So B, what’s with you and the bleached blonde?”

“What -ow- do you mean?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Faith panted, dodging a blow. “Thought I saw some sparkage. Maybe I’m -urgh!- seeing things.”

Buffy chose not to answer Faith’s question, dusting her vamp and sitting back to watch Faith. “What about you and Angel?”

Faith threw her opponent against a tree, where he was impaled through the heart by a branch, and turned to dust. “Cool!” she exclaimed at the effect. “Oh, right, me and Angel... hey, you first!”

Buffy sat on a gravestone, sighing. “It’s a long story. But right now, we’re just friends. Your turn.”

“Same. Just friends. But I dunno, I think there’s a possibility for more... Though the whole ‘no-sex’ thing would be a problem... ya know, maybe I just feel attached to him ‘cause he’s, like, the only person who never gave up on me.” Faith, too, moved to sit on a gravestone, facing her fellow Slayer.

Buffy looked down at this, ashamed. Faith correctly interrupted this gesture, and said, “You tried you’re damnedest to help me, B, I’m not blamin’ ya.”

“Yeah, that whole sticking a knife in your gut was really for your own good,” Buffy quipped.

“I didn’t really give ya much of a choice... Anyway, back to the boys... this may sound kinda dumb, but do ya think there’s something about vampires that slayers are attracted to? Or maybe you and I just have serious mental issues.” Faith tried to lighten the tone of things with that last comment. She wasn’t good at handling the ‘serious shit,’ as she’d put it. But she really wanted to talk about this stuff, and Buffy was the only one who might understand.

“Well, I’d have to say a definite yes to the mental issues... But as to the first thing, I don’t know... I tried the whole ‘normal boy’ thing with Riley, and we all know how that turned out.”

“Well, no, I don’t know exactly... by the way, that’s one of those things I wanted to apologize for.”

“Stealing my body?”

“Yeah, that. And sleepin’ with your boyfriend.”

Buffy shrugged. “I’m long past that, Faith. I know that was the you of the past. No more body-switching type stuff now.”

“Yeah...” A sudden thought occurred to Faith, and she giggled. “I talked to Spike that night.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. This might make you kinda mad, but his facial expressions were pretty damn funny.”

“Ok, I’ll bite... uh, not literally. So what did you say?”

“Amongst some other stuff, I said, ‘I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you pop like warm champagne and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more.’ Something along those lines.”

Buffy burst out laughing. “I’d pay to see his face after that!”

“You’re... not mad?”

“Well, a little, but it’s damn funny.”

Faith looked at her, surprised.

Buffy shrugged. “Well, I guess it’s especially funny ‘cause... umm...” She flushed bright red. “That kinda... happened...”

“B! You slept with Spike! No way!” Faith squealed. I always knew Buffy had her dark side. “So, this was post-souling, I assume.”

Buffy shook her head. “No, this was back when he was soulless. Chipped, but soulless... see, I died.”

Faith just nodded. When you hear a statement like that and don’t flinch, you know you’re in Sunnydale, she reflected.

Buffy thought to herself, Why am I telling her this? I don’t want her to know... Another voice in her mind spoke up. Because maybe she’s the only person who can possibly understand how you’re feeling.

Buffy took a deep breath, and continued. “So, Willow brought me back, ‘cause I died by mystical causes, and she thought I might’ve been trapped in some sort of hell dimension. Only, I wasn’t. I was ...” she swallowed. Even now, it was hard to think about.

“I was in heaven,” Buffy finished quietly. “And then I was ripped out of there, and everything was so hard here. When they first brought me back, I thought I was in hell. So, anyway, I turned to Spike for comfort... it... well, he made me feel alive. He was the only one who could, then.”

Faith bit her lip, thinking. She had to admit, she was honored Buffy had told her all this, but wasn’t certain how to respond.

“Well, we’re far from normal, so that would kinda explain why the ‘normal boy, and normal relationship’ thing didn’t work.” Faith paused, figuring out what she wanted to say. “We’re different, B. Maybe we just need guys who are different, too. And vampires sure as hell classify as different. And I can see why you woulda turned to Spike for comfort. He’s pretty damn hot,” Faith smirked

Buffy giggled, feeling like a normal girl, gossiping about a hot guy. “Yeah, I guess he is.”

The serious mood quickly fell upon them once again. The two Slayers sat silently for a few minutes, alone with their reflections.

****************