Chapter 11:

Buffy came home to find Spike in the living room, packing his things in the large duffle bag he'd brought with him when he'd first come to New York. Buffy stood in the doorway for a moment, watching him. It had been over a week since he'd announced he was moving out, and even though their relationship had remained strained, she'd hoped he'd decided to stick around after all. Buffy realized now that he'd been serious. He was really leaving.

That was what she wanted, wasn't it? She'd been waiting for him to leave ever since he'd arrived. She should be running over there now to speed up his departure.

She wasn't. She wanted to cry. It shocked her now as she realized how much she'd come to rely on him. He'd helped her pay the bills, made sure she ate enough, and had helped her sleep at night. Somehow, he'd managed to set himself firmly in her life without her even being aware of it as it was happening. She always grabbed her toothbrush now without having to remember whose was green and whose was blue. She used to trip over his boots every morning, but now she picked them up from the middle of the floor and put them by the couch as routine. She was used to his favorite foods in the fridge and to his laundry being mixed with hers.

How was she going to live without that now?

Buffy pulled her chin up. She'd lived without Spike for longer than she'd lived with him. She could pull through the way she always did. If she was anything, it was a survivor. She'd faced things much worse than this and made it through.

She shut the front door and came into the living room, setting her books on the kitchen table as she passed it. "Did you find a new place to live?" she asked, hoping her tone was conversational.

"More or less," Spike replied, shoving a wad of black t-shirts into his bag. "I'm staying with Oz for a bit until I can find something I like."

"You don't have to do that," Buffy said. "I mean, you can stay here until you find something more permanent. No point in couch hopping."

"Yeah, there is."

"But…"

Spike threw a shirt into the bag, then turned around. "I can't do this anymore, Buffy! I can't sit here and watch you go on date after date with Wanker Finn. I can't listen to you gush to your friends about him on the bloody phone. And I certainly can't sleep on this couch and pretend I don't want to be in the bed with you. So yeah, I have to do this. I've taken too long to get out of here as it is."

"When are you leaving?"

"Now. I was hoping to be gone before you got back from class."

He had been planning to leave without saying good bye? Buffy fought back tears again. She wasn't going to cry in front of him, not over this. "Can…can we see each other sometime?"

"Probably not."

"So this is just it? Good bye forever?"

"Looks like it." Spike finished packing and zipped the bag. "Take care of yourself, Summers," he said, throwing the bag over his shoulder.

"You, too, Spike," Buffy replied softly.

He gave her a nod and walked out of the apartment. The door shutting behind him sounded so final, and Buffy noticed that he'd left his key on the side table beside the couch. She let out a long, shuttering breath, feeling the pain of yet another person leaving her.

*** *** ***

"Well, I'd take you on the grand tour, but you can pretty much see everything there is from right here. That little space over there with the ancient linoleum and that thing I think may classify as a window is the kitchen. Bedroom is the mattress in the corner. First door on your left is the bathroom, second is the closet. It holds all of nothing. And that couch behind the amps is where you'll be sleeping, should manage to be able to get to it."

Spike glanced down at the man standing beside him. "Thanks for letting me crash here, Oz. I was really in a bind."

"Don't mention it. My door's always open to a friend in need. Besides, you're the most together lead singer Dingoes has ever had. Couldn't let you stay out in the streets and lose your voice to pneumonia or something," Oz replied.

"I do appreciate it though. Living with Buffy was getting…difficult."

"Are you going to all right to perform tonight?"

"What? Yeah, of course. I mean, I'm free of the little chit now, so problem solved."

Oz raised an eyebrow, but left it at that. "Well, make yourself at home. If you smell something really unpleasant, it's only Mrs. Stanton next door cooking dinner. Just try to breathe through your nose and be thankful you're not Mr. Stanton."

Spike chuckled. "Thanks for the warning."

"Anytime. Hey, I need to go see if this part I need for my van is in yet. You settled in enough here?"

"Yeah. I think I'm going to make my way through the amp jungle and get some rest for tonight."

"All right. I'll be back in a bit."

"Thanks again for this, mate."

Oz gave Spike a small nod and left. Spike made his way over to the couch and put his bag on a clear spot of carpet before lying down. His thoughts quickly drifted to Buffy, and he cursed himself for developing such a soft spot for her. He wanted to not care—to not even think about her—but he couldn't help but wonder what she was doing right then. He felt a pang of guilt for leaving her alone, but told himself it was what she'd wanted all along anyway. She was probably relieved that he was finally out of her way. She could go about her life now with that perfect boyfriend of hers. No irritating family obligation to muck things up for her.

Sure, it stung a bit now, but Spike had no doubt that he could numb the pain. He had when his mother had died and when Drusilla had left him. He could certainly get over whatever it was he felt for a woman he'd only known for a couple of months. Buffy was nothing to him. Easily forgettable.

He'd just have to keep telling himself that until she stopped invading his every thought.

*** *** ***

The apartment was too quiet. Spike had always made some sort of noise, even if it was just rustling from his near-constant fidgeting. It had bothered her at first, but Buffy had gotten used to it, and now she saw that she'd even come to expect it. Desperate to keep herself from thinking too much in the silence, Buffy turned on the television. It was set to NBC, and she realized that meant that Spike had probably watched Passions that afternoon.

Buffy could picture him, just a few hours earlier, sprawled out on her couch, catching up on the latest exploits of the citizens of Harmony. And now, just like that, he was gone.

She'd kept him at a distance to save herself from pain, but somehow, she'd still ended up hurt. She wanted to scream, cry, anything to let out the pain that was welling up inside her. It wasn't fair. She'd fought so hard to keep her heart protected, and it had all been for nothing.

*** *** ***

"Buffy, can I talk to you?" Anya asked, coming behind the counter in the bakery.

"Yeah, sure," Buffy replied.

"In my office."

Buffy frowned. Anya never wanted to talk to her in her office. "Um, okay," she replied, following the other woman into the room in the back, jumping a little when Anya closed the door behind them.

"Have a seat," Anya said, gesturing to a chair as she sat down behind the desk.

Buffy did as she was told, then asked, "What's wrong?"

"Your drawer was short when you closed yesterday."

Buffy's eyes widened. "I…I didn't take anything from it, I swear. I don't…"

Anya waved her hand, cutting Buffy off. "I know you didn't. You just had some things tallied up wrong. And I recounted it all for you this morning before Snyder got here."

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. "So why did you call me in here then?" she asked.

"Because you've been out of it all week. You don't make mistakes like that. You're normally one of he best employees I've ever had here. But lately, you've been messing up orders, forgetting about some completely, and now this with the drawer. I need to know that you're not slipping."

"I'm not. And I'm sorry for all my screw ups. I've just…had a lot on my mind."

"Is it too much? Because, well…" Anya glanced back at the door, then leaned across the desk, lowering her voice when she spoke again. "My loan was approved, and I've bought my shop. I'm almost ready to set it up, and I want you and Willow there with me as co-managers. It's going to be a small store at first, but I know you're both in school, and it would probably be too much for either one of you to help me manage on your own. But if you're falling apart…" Anya took a deep breath. "Buffy, I consider you a friend, but I won't lose money, even for a friend. If you've got some personal problem that's making you all crazy in the head, be upfront with me now, please, before I entrust you with my future business."

Buffy took a moment, surprised at what Anya was offering her. She'd thought that Anya would probably offer her a job as a clerk if she got her shop up and running, but asking her to help her run the place… "I can get everything in my life back together," Buffy promised. "I know I've been off this week, but I'll get better. If you'd do that for me, Anya, I swear I wouldn't disappoint you."

"Good to hear. Just keep quiet about it for now. It's going to be a little while still before I'm ready to leave this place, and I don't want Rat-Man to fire me before that."

"You got it. I'll be zip-lip girl."

"Great!" Anya exclaimed, sitting up straight again. "Look, I'm not too good at the casually trying to bring the conversation around to girl talk thing, so is this about Spike?"

"Huh?"

"Well, something's obviously gotten you upset enough to lose your head, and in my experience, that something is usually a guy. You're with Riley, but you seem to have as much interest in him as you would in a moldy potato, so he can't be the one you're all wiggy over. The only other men you know well are Xander and Spike, and Xander's mine. That leaves Spike."

Buffy gaped at Anya's convoluted—and all too accurate—logic. "I'm…I'm just tired."

"Oh. Well, I know you're lying, but that's your choice." Anya put on her perkiest smile and reached across the desk, patting Buffy's hand. "Buck up, you."

Buffy smirked. "Thanks for your attempt at cheering me up."

"No problem. Now get back to work. And watch what you're doing. No more giving grande mochaccinos to customers who order a tall skinny latte."

Buffy winced as she remembered that morning's catastrophe. "Will do. And Anya—thanks. Really."

"Thank me by watching out for my profits when the time comes, all right?"

"It's a deal," Buffy replied with a genuine smile.

*** *** ***

Buffy put on her brightest grin as she opened the door for Riley. She'd spent every evening she'd had off with him. She hated to admit it to herself, but a lot of that was because she hated being in her apartment alone. This way, she could go someplace with Riley, keep herself occupied, then go home and go to bed.

"You look as beautiful as always," Riley said, giving her that smile that Buffy found just a little too on the goofy side.

"Thanks. So where are we going tonight again?"

"That club with Forrest and April, remember? They're waiting for us downstairs."

Buffy suppressed a groan. How could she have forgotten? Out of all of Riley's obnoxious friends, Forrest was her least favorite. "Right. Well, let's go then," she said, doing her best to look happy. Buffy stepped out into the hallway, locking the door behind her. Riley took her hand as they walked away and, despite her inward cringe, Buffy didn't let herself pull away.

*** *** ***

The band currently playing was by far one of the worst Buffy had ever heard, but at least they were loud enough to prevent any actual conversation. However, that didn't stop Riley from touching her. It seemed like he had to always have his hands somewhere on her. Never to the point of crossing any lines, but enough to be irritating. Hadn't the man ever heard of personal space?

The first band left the stage, and Buffy wasn't sure if she was relieved or not. There was still music, but not the horrible din that had allowed her to remain silent before. "The next band is really good," April announced. "I saw them last week. You guys will love them."

"What's the band?" Riley asked.

"Dingoes Ate My Baby."

The fake smile Buffy had been wearing for most of the night fell from her face. This couldn't be real. Someone had to be playing a cruel joke on her. And Riley's obsession with always being "punctual" had gotten them a table close to the stage, too. She was just deciding what illness to fake when she heard Riley ask, "Hey, Buffy, isn't that your brother?"

Buffy wanted to crawl under the table. Spike was on stage now, setting up with the rest of the band. He hadn't seen her yet, and Buffy wondered if she could make it to the door if she ran now. She'd just tell Riley something later, like she'd suddenly remembered she was late for an appendectomy.

But then Spike turned, and it was too late. His eyes met hers, and there was a moment of surprise before he realized Buffy was not just there, but there with Riley. His expression went cold, and he turned away.

Buffy's heart dropped. She hadn't wanted Spike to notice her, but when he had… Did he want her out of his life so much that he couldn't as much as wave at her now?

"Buffy?"

She looked up quickly at Riley, having forgotten for a moment that he was even there. "Yeah?"

"I asked if that was your brother…"

"Oh. Yeah, that's Spike."

April leaned towards Buffy, putting her hand on her arm and making Buffy bristle. "The lead singer is your brother?"

"Um, uh huh," Buffy replied, her tone a little squeaky.

"Damn, you have one fine brother." April kissed Forrest on the cheek. "But not any better looking that you, honey."

"I met him once," Riley said. "He seemed a little surly to me."

Buffy slunk in her chair, wondering why on earth this was happening to her.

*** *** ***

Spike couldn't believe Buffy was sitting in the audience. Front and center, looking even more beautiful than he even remembered. He'd forced himself not to look at her through the first couple of songs, but he could still feel her presence, her wide green eyes following his every move. He slammed back his drink, hoping it would help him get through this set. He took a deep breath and turned back to the mic. He could do this. It was just another performance.

Buffy didn't want to keep staring. She wanted to look anywhere but at Spike. She was sure that the table top would be much more fascinating. But she couldn't pull her eyes away. He was gorgeous on stage, so completely in his element. Another song began, and she recognized it as a cover of the Pointer Sisters' "Fire." As he got to the end of the first verse, Spike turned his gaze to Buffy for the first time since he'd started performing, looking as if he was singing directly to her.

"You say you don't like it
But I know you're a liar
'Cause when we kiss
Oooh…Fire."

Buffy gulped, noticing how he'd slightly tweaked the lyrics. He winked at her, and she wanted to disappear. Did Riley notice? She gave him a quick glance, but he seemed oblivious. Buffy wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing… She turned back to the stage, and Spike met her eyes again, this time, curling his tongue against his teeth as he did. Buffy was fairly sure she was going to spontaneously combust. It wasn't fair for him to be that sexy.

Spike didn't know what possessed him to start singing to Buffy. Maybe it was the lyrics, hitting a little too close to home for him not to. But she seemed to be liking it, if her wide eyes and heavy breathing were any indication. He threw in that thing he did with tongue he knew women liked for good measure and grinned inwardly when he saw her gasp. Yeah, she was liking this. He amped up his performance a bit, making sure to give Buffy a good show.

Buffy felt like she was going to hyperventilate. Did he have any idea what he was doing to her? God, he was like sex in tight denim up on that stage. He'd broken away from her gaze for a bit, but as he came to the last verse, he locked his eyes with her again, leaving no doubts in her mind that he was singing directly to her.

"You had a hold on me right from the start
A grip so tight, I couldn't tear it apart
My nerves all jumpin', acting like a fool
Well your kisses they burn
But your heart stays cool

Well, Romeo and Juliet
Sampson and Delilah
Baby, you can bet their love couldn't be denied
Your words say split
But your words they lie
'Cause when we kiss
Oooh…Fire…"

He ended the song by doing that blasted tongue thing again, and as most of the crowd clapped, Buffy jumped up out of her seat, running for the bathroom. Spike smirked as he watched her go.

April announced that she was going to go check on Buffy, leaving Forrest and Riley at the table alone. Forrest leaned over to Riley.

"Man, that ain't her brother."

"What?"

"They're making with the hot naked sex."

Riley gave his friend an angry look. "Buffy said he's her brother, and I believe her. They're not making with the hot naked anything."

"You are way too gullible. Did you see that just then? He was practically having sex with her from the stage!"

"You're delusional, Forrest."

"Whatever, man, but if that's her brother, then she's got one fucked up family."

"Don't talk about Buffy that way," Riley said with a glare.

Forrest held up his hands. "Just looking out for you."

"Well, don't." Riley turned back to the stage, a sour look on his face.

*** *** ***

Buffy gripped the side of the sink, taking deep breaths despite the horrible smell in the club's bathroom. Why had Spike done that to her? Had he purposely been trying to torment her? Had he wanted to prove some point?

"Buffy, are you okay?"

Buffy turned sharply as April came into the bathroom. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"Well, you were acting sort of funny through that song, and then you ran off right after it was over."

"It, um, brings up bad memories for me," Buffy lied, hoping she could be convincing.

"Oh. Then why did your brother sing it?"

"Spike? He likes to torment me. You know big brothers…" Buffy laughed nervously.

"Do you want to go somewhere else?"

"No!" Buffy said quickly. As difficult as being around Spike was, she didn't want to leave either. "I'm okay now. We can go back to the table."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," Buffy replied.

"All right…" April said, obviously less than convinced, but not going to push the issue any more.

The two women left the bathroom.

*** *** ***

For the next several songs, Spike virtually ignored her. There was a glance here and there, but nothing anywhere near what he had done earlier. Buffy figured she should be feeling relief, but she wasn't. She wanted his attention again.

After finishing another song, Spike put down his electric guitar, conferring for a moment with the rest of the band before picking up an acoustic one and going back to the front of the stage. He pulled up a stool, sitting on it before resizing the mic stand so it was where he could reach it.

"This is a new one I haven't done before, but I'd like to tonight since the girl I wrote it for is sitting right here in the audience."

Buffy paled. He couldn't be about to do what she thought he was going to do… But his eyes were back on her as he started to strum the guitar and opened his mouth to sing.

"She comes home to me after a hard night's work
Falls in my arms and sleeps like a bird
Startled, she wakes up like she don't know me
Cocks back a fist like she'd going to slug me
Like who are you anyway
And what are you doing to me?

"She's an angel
She can't see it
She's got wings
She can't feel 'em
She's an angel
She can't see it
But she's flying above me every day
Every day of my life.

"Bright diamond eyes with daggers beneath them
She carries the chains of a million decisions
That weren't even hers to begin with anyway
But she carries them all
All the people around her
Never even notice that she's very very tired."

As Spike began the chorus repeat, Riley grabbed Buffy's arm, pulling her up out of her chair. Buffy looked at him, tears in her eyes. She didn't want to leave now, not after Spike had just sung that to her. Was that what he really felt about her? And if it was, well, she'd made a horrible mistake.

"Come on, Buffy, we're leaving," Riley said tersely.

"I don't want…" Buffy's protest died on her lips as Riley started to pull her away from the table. He was hurting her arm, but when she tried to get away, his grip only tightened.

Spike was off the stage before Buffy could even register that he'd moved. He cut in front of Riley, his eyes narrowed. "Let her go," he snarled.

"What, come to protect your sister?" Riley sneered. "Look, I don't know who the hell you really are or what sort of sick fantasies you have about Buffy, but I'm not going to sit here and let you sing to my girl that way."

"Yeah, and I'm not going to let you drag her out of her like a sodding caveman. So let her go before I have to break something—most likely your face."

Riley puffed himself up and looked down at Spike. "Am I supposed to be afraid of you?"

"You would be if you were smart, boy," Spike replied in a tone dark enough to make Riley back down a bit. "Now let Buffy go, so I won't have to knock out all of your very shiny teeth, piss off of the manager, and get my paycheck for the night withheld. Deal?"

"Riley, please, just let me go," Buffy said softly.

Riley looked down at her for a moment before dropping her arm as if it was on fire. "You're disgusting, you know that?" he said before storming out of the club, Forrest and April not far behind him.

Spike turned to Buffy then, pushing her hair away from her face. "Are you all right, kitten?"

Buffy nodded. "Yeah. Although I think he left a bruise on my arm…"

Spike's jaw ticked. "I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean for that to happen."

"It's…it's all right." Buffy looked down. "I liked the song."

"You did?"

"Uh huh."

For the first time in weeks, Spike was genuinely happy. "Look, I have to finish this set, but then we can talk, yeah?"

"Okay," Buffy agreed.

Spike pointed over to a table on the other side of the stage. "See the woman there in the red and black shirt?"

"Yeah."

"That's the drummer's girlfriend, Mona. Go sit with her for now, and I'll come get you when I'm done."

"All right."

Spike grinned before running back on stage, getting the band to quickly start up another song to get the audience's mind of what had just happened. Buffy made her way over to Mona, suddenly feeling as if she could fly.

*** *** ***

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Chapter 12:

"You must be Buffy."

Buffy turned to Mona in surprise. "How'd you know that?"

"Spike talks about a 'Buffy' all the time. And from that little display, I guessed you must be her."

"Well you guessed right." Buffy was silent for a moment before asking, "Spike really talks about me?"

"Like I just said—all the time."

Buffy couldn't help the smile that broke out across her face. "Really? Wow…"

Mona leaned in. "If I were you, I'd claim him before some other girl does," she said before turning her attention back to the stage.

Buffy watched Spike performing, and even now that it wasn't directed at her, the sight of him still made a rush go through her. He was so alive up there, and she realized abruptly that she wanted him. Really really wanted him. He turned her way then, his eyes smoldering, and Buffy decided to hell with the consequences. She knew he could make her break all over again, but trying to fight what was between them was killing her on its own. She might as well give in to it if there was going to be pain either way.

When the band finished their set, Spike jumped down off the stage, coming over to the table where Mona and Buffy were sitting. "We have to break down and load up, and then we can get out of here, all right?" he asked Buffy tentatively, hoping not to scare her off again.

She surprised him, however, by grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him down to her, crushing his lips against hers. Spike only hesitated for a moment before his brain registered the fact that Buffy really was kissing him and kissed her back. She was grinning slyly at him when he pulled away, and Spike cleared his throat. "I'll just, um, be quick about this then."

"I'll be waiting for you," Buffy said in a tone that sounded suspiciously like a purr to his ears. Spike nodded and jumped back on stage, not wanting to waste any time in case Buffy changed her mind on a whim.

Mona smirked from beside Buffy. "Looks like somebody's going to have a good time tonight."

Buffy's smile grew. "That's what I'm counting on."

*** *** ***

Spike was surprised that they made it out of the cab and into the apartment with their clothing still intact. Buffy had been all over him since they'd left the club—a far cry from the woman who would run off every time he'd come near her.

Now that they were behind closed doors, her attentions intensified. She was pulling at his t-shirt so ferociously that Spike wondered if the fabric would tear. When she finally managed to pull it over his head, she broke away from his mouth and moved her kisses to his chest, making Spike groan and thread his fingers through her dark hair.

Some part of his brain that was still miraculously capable of rational thought was screaming at him, telling him that this was just asking for trouble. Buffy had very quickly gone from pushing him away at every advance he made to attacking him as if she were a starving woman and he was the first meal she'd had in weeks. What if she responded to this the same way she did everything else? The problems that would cause would be detrimental to whatever this was between them. Mustering up all of his willpower, he nudged her away from him.

"Buffy…wait. We should…we need to talk about this."

Buffy looked up at him with the sexiest pout Spike had ever seen. "Don't want talk—want you." She leaned into him again, nipping at his ear, and he sucked in a hissing breath.

Spike was going to protest more. He was going to convince her that if they were going to do this, then they needed to do it right. He was going to tell her that she meant too much to him for just a quick screw that could have consequences neither one of them wanted to face.

But then he realized that she'd somehow managed to get his pants open, and her hot little hand was gripping him tightly. That last bit of rational thought he'd been clinging to was gone, and he grabbed her with a snarl, turning to press her against the wall.

"Spike!" Buffy gasped as his hands moved to her blouse, impatiently pulling at the buttons. She felt it give way suddenly, heard the buttons scatter on the kitchen floor, but she didn't care—despite the fact that it was one of her favorite shirts—because then his mouth was on her, licking and nipping at the mounds of flesh that pushed through the top of her bra. She cried out, wrapping her arms around him to hold him in place. Spike responded by hooking his arms under her legs, and then pulling them up so they were wrapped around his waist. Buffy used the new position to grind her hips against his, using the wall for support.

Buffy moaned loudly as one of his hands snaked up her skirt, her panties quickly pushed out of the way to allow a finger to slip inside of her. He moved from her breasts, licking a path from her collar bone up her neck to her ear, where he breathed hotly, "You're awfully wet, kitten. Gonna let me taste that cream?"

She whimpered in response, his words making her shiver. She wondered for a moment if he could make her come just with his voice, before he moved suddenly, changing their position before she even had a chance to register he was moving. Her legs were over his shoulders now as he knelt in front of her, pushing her skirt up to her hips. Buffy looked down at him with hooded eyes, her breath coming out in short pants of anticipation. Spike grinned up at her before leaning in and giving her a long, lazy lick. It made Buffy arch up, her eyes going wide and her hands scrambling as she lost the support of the wall. Spike moved quickly again, wrapping his arms tightly around her back and turning them around so she was splayed out across the table.

Buffy thought for only a second that this probably wasn't the most hygienic thing to be doing on the surface where they ate before his mouth was on her again, her underwear pushed to the side as he lapped at her clit. With her now lying across the table, it freed up his hands, and Spike slipped two fingers inside her, curving them slightly as he pushed them in and out of her. Buffy cried out, reaching behind her to grasp the other end of the table as her hips bucked wildly.

Her taste and scent were driving Spike wild, along with her eager response to his touch. He pulled away for a moment to take a much-needed breath, and Buffy whimpered loudly, using her legs to push him back against her. Spike figured he better finish her off quickly if he wanted to make it through this without passing out, and added another finger, pumping them in and out of her faster as he sucked her clit into his mouth. It wasn't long before her whole body tensed and she made a sound somewhere between a scream and a sob before going limp.

Spike stood on shaky legs, leaning over to kiss her, his cock growing even harder at the way she eagerly kissed him back despite undoubtedly being able to taste herself on his mouth. When he started to finish what she'd started with taking off his pants, Buffy suddenly pushed him back, and he looked at her with unhidden fear in his eyes as he thought she was going to run away like she had before.

"Not…not stopping this," she assured him, reading his expression. "I just want…I want our first time to be in a bed."

Her words warmed his heart. Their "first time"… That meant not only that there would be other times, but that this was something special to her after all. "Anything you want, princess," Spike said softly, grinning at her as he scooped her up and carried her into the bedroom, depositing her softly on the bed.

Spike stepped back for a moment, taking her in. Her chest was barely covered by a cream colored lace bra, the rosy tips of her nipples threatening to spill from the fabric. Her short skirt was bunched around her waist, revealing her barely covered pussy to his heated gaze. His eyes traveled down her shapely legs, his mouth watering at the sight of her calves incased in the black leather of her boots. He thought for a moment about leaving them on her, but decided there'd be time for that later. Right now he didn't want to feel anything but her skin against his.

"Are you going to stare at me all day, or are you going to fuck me?"

Spike blinked, realizing he must've been standing there long enough to make her antsy. Then her words sunk in, and he looked up to meet her eyes. "Not gonna fuck you, Buffy. Gonna make love to you." He kept his gaze on her face, waiting for her reaction to that.

Much to his delight, she smiled. "Well, get to it then, William. Not very nice to leave me all wanting like this."

Spike smiled back, feeling more happiness in that moment than he remembered feeling in a long time. Buffy wanted him to make love to her… He got into the bed with her, pulling her to her side so she was in his arms. "Gonna make it so good for you, kitten," he promised softly, moving his hand down to stroke her core again.

"Spike…please…no more teasing," Buffy begged, arching into his touch. "Need you inside. I feel so empty, baby."

Her words made him shiver, and he was moving in an instant to take off the rest of her clothes. He stopped for a second at her boots, his declaration of, "You're wearing these again for me later," making her giggle. When he sat up, Buffy whimpered for just a moment before she realized he was taking off his own shoes He then stood, ridding himself of his jeans as well. Buffy's eyes immediately fell to his erection, and she unconsciously licked her lips. Another shiver coursed through him as he saw her little pink tongue dart out, and he was on top of her in an instant, kissing her as he positioned himself at her entrance.

Suddenly, she was pushing him back, and Spike looked down at her, confused. "Buffy…what…?"

"Condom," she said, scrambling to get off the bed.

"I don't have one…" he said, cursing himself for both not carrying one and for being inconsiderate enough to not think about it until now.

"I do, in the medicine cabinet," Buffy said, hurrying out of the room.

Spike frowned, thinking about how there hadn't been any in the medicine cabinet when he'd lived there. Had she gotten them for that wanker she'd been seeing? The thought of Riley's hands on Buffy made Spike angry, but he pushed it down. He was here with Buffy now, not Riley, and he wasn't going to let jealousy spoil this.

Of course, if Finn ever tried to touch Buffy again, Spike would rip the git's arms off and beat him with them, but that was another issue entirely.

When she came back into the bedroom, Spike saw that the box was unopened, and he felt a wave of relief go through him. Unless they'd already gone through a box. Or more… He frowned again.

Buffy looked up at his face, puzzled at his darkened expression before she realized what he was probably thinking. "I didn't sleep with Riley," she said. "He didn't even get to second base."

"What's with those then?" Spike asked, pointing to the box of condoms.

"I figured it would be smart to have them just in case. But I wasn't planning on using them with him, really—just a precaution." She reached out and gripped his slightly deflated cock, pumping it back to full hardness. "And aren't you glad I was cautious?" she cooed.

Spike closed his eyes and groaned. She had a point there. He'd be in quite a predicament right now if she hadn't had them. He didn't think he could quite make it to the store to buy any like this…

Buffy tried to open the box with shaky hands, finally tearing it open and letting the box fall to the ground as she pulled out the long metallic strip. She ripped one from the top and dropped the others to the floor to join the box and their clothes before ripping open the packet. She glanced between the condom and Spike's cock dubiously for a moment before reminding herself she'd done this before, even if it had been years. She called back long-buried knowledge before pinching the latex tip and then rolling it down his length.

Spike let out a deep breath once she had him covered, knowing the moment he'd been waiting for had finally come. He reached out for Buffy's hand and coaxed her on to her back before moving over her again. "Where were we, luv?" he asked huskily.

"You were about to make love to me," Buffy said softly, running her hand down his cheek.

Spike smiled warmly, then leaned in to kiss her deeply before guiding himself into her. Buffy cried out at the penetration, and hissed as he pushed in further. Spike pulled up on his arms, looking down at her with concern. "Am I hurting you?"

"It's…it's been a while," Buffy said. She let out a deep breath. "Just go slowly."

"I can do that," Spike promised, kissing the tip of her nose, though honestly, he wasn't sure he could. Buffy was so hot, so tight—so perfect—that it was all he could do to keep from pistoning into her wildly. But he was not going to hurt his girl. So he closed his eyes and grit his teeth, counting backwards from a thousand as he waited for her to adjust.

He wasn't quite to eight hundred when she locked her heels behind him, pulling him slightly deeper. "I can take more, now," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "Need to feel you move."

Spike opened his eyes to look into hers, taking a deep breath as he started his rhythm, slowly working himself deeper into her. Buffy yelled his name when he finally bottomed out inside her, and Spike had to fight from coming right there. He knew it should sound corny to his own jaded mind, but he'd never known a woman to fit him as well as this one. They were moving in perfect synch, as if they were old pros when it came to each other's movements and not doing this for the first time. One of her hands was clutching tightly to his shoulder, but the other was splayed out on the pillow beside her head, and Spike linked his fingers with hers. She met the gesture with a tight squeeze, and Spike trembled.

He could feel himself nearing the edge and could tell by her frantic movements that she was close, too. He shifted slightly, changing the angle of his thrusts so he was rubbing hard against her clitoris with every push inside her. Buffy responded with a throaty moan, wrapping her legs tighter around him and making his thrusts shorter, keeping more of him inside of her. Spike was so close now, fighting the need to let go she'd reached her own peak. He leaned down, speaking closely to her ear. "Need…need you to come, luv. Buffy…kitten…come for me now, baby…"

His ragged pleas shot straight through her, and Buffy wailed loudly, squeezing both his hand as tightly as she could as her orgasm hit her. Spike let her pull him along with her, his hips freezing and pushing her further into the mattress as he roared his climax.

Not wanting to collapse on top of Buffy, Spike rolled over, groaning as he had to pull out of her. But their hands were still linked on the pillow, and he looked at them and smiled before pulling them to his lips to kiss her fingers. Buffy returned his smile before stretching languidly, reveling in the warmth that was still spreading through her. Spike broke away from her suddenly, and Buffy frowned before he gave her a quick kiss. "Be right back, luv. Gotta do something about this," he said, reminding Buffy of the condom. She nodded and leaned back on the pillow, her eyes drifting shut.

Spike rejoined her in the bed soon, pulling her to him and the sheet around them. Buffy made a small sound of contentment and nuzzled up against him, and Spike held her close, running his hand through her silky hair.

They stayed like that for a while before Spike heard Buffy sniffling and realized she was crying. He was hit with a sudden wave of panic, wishing that he'd gone with his first instinct and talked to her beforehand, made sure this was really wanted. It had all seemed so perfect at the time, but she must be regretting it now. He pulled away enough to look at her face, though he feared what he might see there.

"Buffy? What's wrong, luv?" he asked softly, praying that she wouldn't run off.

She took a deep breath before answering, and the sight of her watery eyes made Spike's heart clench. "I never thought I'd have this again," she said.

"Have what?"

"This. This thing that we just shared. It was so beautiful, and I feel so cherished right now, and I…I never thought I could…again…after…after…" Buffy's soft tears broke into full sobs, and Spike gathered her back into his arms, murmuring soft words of comfort.

Eventually, Buffy moved away from him slightly, slipping one arm from around him to wipe at her eyes. She saw the concern clearly written on Spike's face, and Buffy knew then that she had to tell him the truth about her past. He deserved to know what he was signing up for getting with her, needed to know why she was the way she was.

"His name was Angel."

Spike tensed, wondering what Buffy could be talking about before he remembered the hints of her past that he'd caught in their time together. Her dead lover… "Tell me about him?" he coaxed softly, knowing she needed to get this out.

Buffy closed her eyes, willing her nerves to calm down. She could do this… She opened them again and knew immediately she couldn't get this out with Spike looking at her so intently. It made her heart ache too much. She sat up, keeping the sheet around her as best she could as she pulled her knees to her chest.

Her back was to him now, but Spike didn't push her to move. If this is how she needed to do this, then he would let her. Buffy was too easily scared off he knew, and he didn't want her to run now that he finally had had her in his arms. He propped himself up on his hand, lying on his side and waiting patiently for her to speak. After a long pause, she did.

"I met him when I was sixteen. My friend Cordelia talked me into going to this college party, and he was there. He was twenty, and he had no idea that I was still in high school. We ended up cutting out of the party and going outside, sitting on the hood of his car and talking all night. He made me feel smart, and mature, and like someone really special. I'd never…I'd never felt that way with anyone. I knew at the time that I should tell him my age, but I couldn't do it. I figured I'd lose him that way, and I didn't want to. So I let him think I was a sophomore at some other college—not in high school.

"But then I actually fell in love with him. He was everything to me, and I couldn't keep lying to him. I…I told him the truth. He was shocked, and he said that we shouldn't see each other anymore. That I was too young, and he was pre-law, and that being with me could jeopardize his whole future career. But that lasted all of a week. We knew it was wrong, but we couldn't stay away. I was convinced that I couldn't live without him. We kept seeing each other, and in my mind nothing bad could happen, because we were in love. It was going to be forever, and I knew that in a few years the whole age thing wouldn't matter. I mean, what's four years in the grand scheme of things, right? I could see our whole future, from the small apartment we'd live in while he was in law school to the house we'd have with the kids and the dog.

"But then my mom found out. Apparently four years was a lot to her. She told him if he came near me again, she'd have him arrested. I was seventeen by this point, and I begged her to let it go. I was almost old enough, why couldn't she just let me be happy? She did everything she could to keep us apart, and Angel said that we should just wait the year. We had our whole lives ahead of us, after all…

"I tried to wait, but I ached for him. We saw each other when we could, but it was rough. My mother was watching me like a hawk, and when I finally did turn eighteen, I wanted to just leave home, be out on my own. But Angel convinced me to stay, told me that I needed to stick it out through high school. At least she couldn't threaten to have him arrested anymore. But that didn't stop her. She said he'd only be a distraction in my life, that I had too much going on to get so serious with a man. So we made plans. He was graduating from college about a month before I finished high school, and he was going to go to LA—where he was going to be for law school—and set everything up for us. He got an apartment, and right after graduation, I was going to take the bus down there and we…we were going to be together."

Buffy was silent for a long while after that, and Spike took a deep breath, deciding to prod her gently again. "What happened, pet?" he asked, keeping his tone steady and even.

"My mother," Buffy replied, her tone harsh enough to make Spike wince. "She found out I was leaving, and told me I couldn't go. We…we had this huge fight, and…and it made me miss the bus. I had to wait around for another one, and it was night before I got to LA."

Buffy stopped again, and Spike could hear her fighting tears. She took a deep breath and pushed herself to continue. "But Angel was there waiting for me. I was so happy in that moment. I can still remember seeing him there and thinking that all the badness was behind us. But…but there were these men in…in the parking lot. And they attacked us. It happened so fast, I can't…I can't remember it all, but they came after me, and Angel he…he wanted to protect me. And then there was a shot, and they were gone, and…" She sobbed loudly for a moment, her whole body shaking before she said in a rush, "He died in my arms, and it was all my fault. He was there because of me, and…" It became too much, and she buried her face in her hands.

Spike was up immediately, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her against his chest. She welcomed his embrace, letting him soothe her while she cried. "Not your fault, kitten. Oh, Buffy, not your fault." He felt his own eyes tearing up, his heart breaking for the woman in his arms.

"It is. It is my fault," she replied. "If he hadn't loved me, he never would've died. I…I killed him."

Spike's arms tightened around her. "No, baby. Don't think that about yourself."

She pulled away slightly, her face a picture of anguish. "It just hurts so much, Spike. It hurts all the time, and I can't make it stop, and I…" she crumbled again, and Spike moved them so they were lying down again, cradling her in his arms as she cried.

Eventually, her tears quieted down, and Spike realized she'd fallen asleep in his arms. "I'll make the hurting stop, Buffy," he promised softly before letting himself follow her into slumber.

*** *** ***

 

Chapter 13:

Spike allowed himself a few moments of contentment with Buffy still sleeping in his arms before the panic set in. What would happen when she woke up? She'd let him in both physically and emotionally the night before, but he wasn't sure how she'd react now, facing the day. Being with Buffy had been one of the most incredible experiences of his life, and the thought of losing that now scared him more that he even wanted to admit.

When her eyes slowly fluttered open, Spike sucked in a deep breath. He watched as a slow smile crept across Buffy's face as she stretched languidly, then he frowned as she winced a little.

"Okay, those are muscles I haven't used in a while," Buffy grumbled.

Spike's mind was whirling. She wasn't running or screaming, so that was a good thing. She'd looked happy at first, but now she was frowning. That could be bad… "Are you sore, luv?"

"A little." Buffy's smile returned, this time taking on an almost impish quality. "But it was worth it."

Spike felt himself relaxing as he started to believe that maybe this morning actually was going to turn out well. He reached up and stroked Buffy's cheek. "Guess we're going to have to see that those muscles get more of a regular workout then," he replied.

Buffy pushed herself closer to him, practically purring as she rubbed her hands down his chest. "Think maybe we could start on that right now?"

Spike's eyes darkened, and he didn't even try to fight the shiver that coursed through him. He couldn't have imagined this morning going any better, and he would've been giddy if Buffy hadn't already managed to distract him from thinking about anything other than his desire for her. He rolled over on top of her, fully intending to show her just how well he could work out those muscles when suddenly, she froze, pushing at his chest. Spike pulled up, letting her get off the bed. "Buffy…what's…what's wrong? Did I do…"

"I'm supposed to be at work in fifteen minutes," she said before rushing out of the room without a look back at him.

Spike sat up in the bed, filled with disappointment and confusion. What had just happened exactly? She'd been so responsive, and now she was running away? Was she using work as an excuse to get away from him? But if that were the case, then why had she seemed to want him only moments before.

Then he heard her talking to someone in the living room, and he quickly surmised that she'd made a phone call.

"Anya, it's Buffy. I know it's short notice, but I can't come in today. I know, I know, but I have a really good excuse. Yeah…I'm having sex. No! Not at this very moment…I stopped to use the phone. Well, now you tell me! Ugh. A world of no. Spike… Yes, that Spike… What? I'm not saying that! Oh, you're evil. Fine. You were absolutely right, and I was very, very wrong to ever doubt your knowledge of all that is the world of men, oh knowing one. There, you happy? Can I go back to the sex now? Okay, I will. I promise. Uh huh. Bye!"

Buffy slammed the phone back on the receiver and ran back into the room, all but leaping into bed with Spike. "Sorry. Knew if I didn't hurry up and do that now, I was going to get too distracted. But then Anya said that 'having great sex' is an acceptable reason for not calling in, so ugh, total waste of time when I could've been otherwise occupied."

All the doubt that had built itself back up inside Spike when Buffy had run off dissipated. Not only was she staying with him, but she'd had no problem admitting their relationship to one of her friends. This was something real to her, something she thought was worth keeping. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her flush against him, kissing her with a near savage intensity. Buffy moaned, clinging tightly to his back, his desperate need fueling her own. They tore away from each other only when breathing became a necessity, and the raw need in Spike's eyes made Buffy pull him to her all over again.

When they broke the kiss a second time, Spike moved his mouth to her ear, nipping lightly on the lobe before whispering, "Having you only made me want you more, pet. I could spend every moment of my life buried inside you and never get enough."

"Oh god," Buffy groaned. His voice could always make her hot, but now it was so low, so roughened with desire, that she felt positively on fire.

"God, hmm? I usually respond to just Spike, but god'll do." Spike thrust his pelvis against her, and Buffy felt no need to argue. She'd happily make him her god if he'd just keep doing what he was doing. Then she felt him slip two fingers inside her, caressing her at just the right angle, and Buffy was convinced he was a god. No human man could possibly make her feel this good so easily. She thrust her hips in time with his hand, whimpering and panting.

"That's it. Purr for me, kitten."

Buffy gasped when his thumb found her clit and begun to rub hard circles against the bundle of nerves. He quickly built her higher and higher, until suddenly he pulled away, causing her to cry out and reach for him blindly, desperate to bring him—and the pleasure—back.

But then there he was again, sliding his condom-sheathed cock inside of her. "Sorry, baby. Just needed to be inside you, is all. Couldn't wait any longer."

"Mmm…" Buffy replied wordlessly, thrusting her hips up. His fingers had felt good, but this was so much better. He stretched her, filled her, made her feel complete. How could she ever have thought to deny herself this?

She clutched Spike tightly, watching him as he moved over her. He met her eyes, keeping his intense blue gaze locked on her as he slid in and out rhythmically. Somehow, he'd managed to make all the bad in her life seem to melt away until all the mattered was the two of them, their bodies entwined. But she still needed more of him, needed him to fill all the places where she was empty.

"More, Spike," Buffy gasped. "Harder."

He complied without a word, putting more force behind his movements. Buffy could tell the tenuous hold he had on his control was slipping, and she moved her legs up to his hips, wrapping them around him as tightly as she could to better meet his thrusts. She tried to pull him closer, desperate for what seemed just out of reach.

And then it hit her, and she screamed his name in pleasure, her climax triggering his own until they collapsed together, bodies trembling.

*** *** ***

"I'm hungry."

Spike chuckled as Buffy's sudden declaration broke the silence that had followed their morning lovemaking. "And what exactly do you expect me to do about it, pet?"

Buffy propped herself up on his chest, looking down at him. "Make omelettes."

"Oh, well, look who's getting all demanding now."

Buffy made her eyes grow wide and pitiful as she stuck out her bottom lip. "But it would make me happy. Don't you want to make me happy, Spike?"

"Oi! That's just not fair play…"

Buffy's only response was to coquettishly bat her eyelashes.

"Bloody woman," Spike grumbled as he moved her from his chest so he could get off the bed. "I'll make you an omelette if that's what you want."

"With cheese?"

"Course. Know how much my girl likes cheese."

Buffy made a small squeal of delight, and Spike noted how she didn't protest his use of the phrase "my girl." Instead, she gave him a bright smile, punctuated with a "thank you, honey."

Spike smiled back. He'd make her a thousand omelettes just to keep her calling him sweet names like that. "You do have food in the fridge, don't you?" he asked.

"Yep. I have eggs and cheese—and peppers, too."

"Guess you're gonna want me to chop those up." Buffy's eyes grew wide and pleading again, and Spike knew for certain just how much she had him wrapped around her little finger. He chuckled and grabbed his jeans, putting them on before going into the kitchen. He'd started rummaging around the fridge for what he'd need when he felt Buffy's arms go around him from behind and her lips press a small kiss against his shoulder blade.

"Did I ever tell you how good your ass looks in these jeans?"

Spike shivered. This was a side of Buffy he'd dreamed of more time than he could count, but to actually see those dreams played out in living color was better than he could ever have imagined. "No, pet, don't believe you ever have," he said, leaning back slightly into her embrace.

"How neglectful of me."

Spike turned, his mouth going dry at the sight of her wearing nothing but one of his shirts. "How hungry are you exactly?" he asked huskily.

"Hungry. Food now. Sex later."

"Or Cave Buffy will be angry?" Spike asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Buffy lightly slapped his chest, then pointed to the stove. "Breakfast."

"Is this why you brought me back here? To make me your personal man-slave?"

"Yup. To provide me with omelettes and orgasms."

Spike laughed, her playful response both surprising and amusing him. "Been spending time with Anya, have you?"

"Just a little."

Spike leaned in and kissed the tip of her nose. "Well, you just relax now, princess, and I'll get to work on the first thing. Then I'll see what I can do about the second." He punctuated the last word with a look hot enough to make Buffy's knees weak. But a small rumble from her stomach reminded her why they were in the kitchen instead of the bed.

She walked over to the table, sitting down and resting her chin in her hands. "All right, man-slave. Get to it."

"You going to watch me?"

"Uh huh. I like watching you cook. There's something really sexy about a man in a kitchen."

Spike chuckled and got to work. If him cooking got her hot, then who was he to deny her a show?

Buffy's gaze followed him around the kitchen, her hunger rising for both Spike and the food. She realized suddenly how right it seemed to have him there, how right he looked in her apartment. "I missed you," she blurted out.

Spike turned from the bell peppers he was chopping. "What?"

"I missed you. Here—in the apartment. It felt so…empty. Like if there's a painting that used to be on a wall, and then someone takes it away, but you still expect to see it when you look at that wall, and when it's not there, it just seems…wrong. And that's a horrible analogy, because you're a person, not a painting, but…"

"I know what you mean, kitten. Felt like something was missing." Buffy nodded. "Do you want me back here? On a permanent basis." Buffy nodded again, but Spike felt like he had to make one more point before he agreed to come back. "And just so we're clear, it would be different this time. I'd live here with you all official-like, so no shutting me out."

"I know. And you did live here before, I was just…too stubborn to accept it." Buffy stopped long enough to respond to his smirk with a dirty look before she continued. "I want you here, Spike. And as much as it scares me to admit this, I need you here. Since you left, everything as been harder. I thought letting you in would be the difficult thing to do, but it wasn't. It was living here after I'd driven you away. That's what was hard."

Spike made his way over to the table, kneeling in front of Buffy and reaching up to cup her cheek with his hand. "No, baby. Don't think that's what you did. Besides, I know I was no picnic to live with." Buffy smiled at him a little. "Knew I could get a grin. We had a rough start, luv. Lots of couples do, it's okay. But you didn't drive me away. I'm here now, aren't I?"

Buffy nodded. "And you're going to stay, right? You're not going to leave me again?" Her lip trembled, and Spike felt like a wanker for ever leaving at all. He'd thought he was doing the best thing for her at the time, but it was obvious now that that had hurt her in a way neither one of them had anticipated. He stood, wrapping his arms around her and letting her rest her head against his abdomen.

"Not gonna leave. You mean so much to me, Buffy. You want me for the long haul, you've got me."

"I do. I'm terrified, but I do." She looked up, and Spike saw the tears shimmering in her eyes. "You'll help me not be afraid anymore, won't you, William?"

Spike's heart jumped in his chest. This was a side of Buffy he rarely saw—if ever. It was a vulnerability she'd only shown him those nights that he'd held her, and even then she'd been more guarded than this. She was sitting in front of him now, handing him her broken heart and asking him to mend it. Could he? He wasn't exactly in one piece emotionally himself, and he knew it. Could he accept the responsibility of teaching this woman it was okay to love again?

"I will, Buffy. I promise."

Buffy read the sincerity in his eyes and sniffled. The two were silent for a moment before Buffy's mouth turned up slightly. "So what about those omelettes?"

*** *** ***

Buffy lay in Spike's arms, a small, contented smile on her lips. They'd barely made it through breakfast before they'd stumbled back into the bedroom, desperate to feel each other again. Spike had drifted off to sleep after the last time, but she'd stayed awake, despite the fact that their enthusiastic, amorous activities had left her tired and sore. She was almost afraid to go to sleep, worrying that she'd open her eyes again to find that none of it had been real. She'd be alone again, without the warmth and comfort that Spike was giving her now.

But he wouldn't leave her. He'd promised.

Angel promised not to leave, too… a little voice inside reminded her. And in the end, he had. Not because he'd wanted to, but the result had been the same. She'd been broken and alone.

She thought about Spike being cold and lifeless the way Angel had been the last time she'd held him, and wrapped her arms tighter around her lover. She couldn't survive that again, especially not with this man sleeping beside her now…

But what choice did she have but to take the risk? She was already in too deep with Spike, although how it had happened, she didn't know. She'd tried so hard to protect herself, to avoid putting herself in a situation where she could lose it all again, but it had happened just the same. Somehow the one person she'd wanted nothing to do with had become the one person she couldn't live without.

So she did the only thing she could.

She held on to him and prayed that this time, everything would be all right.

*** *** ***
 

Chapter 14:

Willow knew Buffy well enough to know something was off. For one thing, she was smiling. A lot. And it was a genuine smile, not the sort that Buffy put on just for the customers. It was something Willow had rarely seen from her friend. "Buffy, are you okay? You didn't like, hit your head really hard on the way to work today, did you?"

Buffy didn't respond. She was leaning against the counter, that huge smile on her face. Plus a very far away look in her eyes. "Uh, Buffy? Are you home in there?"

Anya walked out from the back office and past the counter on her way towards the front door. "She had really great sex. It gives you that goofy, dazed look."

Buffy snapped to attention then. "Anya!"

"Well, you did. I'm going out for lunch. You guys want me to pick something up?"

"I'm good," Buffy said, trying to push back the blush Anya's declaration had brought to her face. At least there hadn't been any customers in at the time…

"I'm fine, too, thanks," Willow said.

Anya smiled perkily. "Okay. See you two in a bit."

Willow turned on Buffy as soon as Anya was out of the building. "What was she talking about?"

Buffy's attempts to keep from blushing proved completely futile as she turned bright red. "I had sex with Spike."

"Spike!? Seriously? What about Riley?"

"Ugh. Riley was a temporary lapse in sanity."

"Oh my god, Buffy, this is huge!"

"Yeah, and so is Spike." Buffy's eyes widened. "I can't believe that came out of my mouth. He's turned me into a perv."

Willow smirked. "Wow. I've never seen you like this over a guy. Ever." Suddenly, she was pouting. "And how come Anya knew before me? I'm the best friend here! We've been at work together for hours, and you haven't said anything!"

"I was going to," Buffy insisted. "But every time I'd start, I'd think about Spike, and well…"

"Which explains the glassy eyes and huge grin."

"Oh yeah." As if on cue, the grin returned. "Will, it was amazing. I didn't know sex could be like that in real life. I thought movies were just making it up. But then I was with Spike, and wow. Just…wow."

Willow gave Buffy a light nudge with her elbow. "I told you there was sparkage."

"Oh, there's sparkage. I'm surprised we didn't catch something on fire."

"I'm really happy for your, Buffy," Willow said. "I was worried about you, alone all the time." She frowned. "But that still doesn't explain why Anya knew before me."

"Spike and I slept together for the first time the night before last. And then when we woke up, I didn't want to stop. So I called Anya and asked for the day off," Buffy explained.

"Figures Anya would take 'having sex' as an acceptable reason to skip work. Hey, didn't you have a date with Riley two nights ago?"

"Um, yeah."

"So how did you go from on a date with Riley to sleeping with Spike?"

"We were double dating with a friend of Riley's, and his girlfriend wanted to go see Spike's band. Only I didn't know it was Spike's band until I got there. I mean, can you even imagine the odds? Out of all the clubs and all the bands in New York, that's where we end up… Anyway, Spike gets on stage, and he starts singing to me. Well, really it was like musical foreplay. I swear, that man is…" Buffy stopped, shaking her head. "Anyway, he ended the set for the night with a song he wrote for me, and…"

Willow cut Buffy off with a loud "aww!" "He wrote you a song? Buffy, that's so romantic." She frowned. "Unless it was a song about thinking you're a bitch or something…"

"Willow! It was a nice song. Really pretty. Made me feel all gushy inside." Buffy's dreamy look returned again at the memory. "But then Riley got all jealous and tried to drag me out of the club, only Spike wouldn't let him. He was all sexy and…ugh, Willow, I think I'm falling in love."

Willow's eyes widened. "Love? Seriously? You?"

"Yes, me. Miss No-Man-Shall-Have-My-Heart herself."

"Does Spike know this?" Willow asked.

"I haven't told him," Buffy replied. "I want to make sure first, you know? And I'm so happy right now. I don't want anything to mess it up."

Suddenly, the front door burst open, Snyder striding in, a glare on his face. "Do you know what I see right now?" he asked as he approached the counter.

"A bakery?" Buffy replied.

"No. I see an empty bakery. And do you know why it's empty?"

"No one wants a cookie?" Willow asked.

"It's because there's gossip. People don't want to buy from gossipers." Snyder glared at the two girls before going back into his office, slamming the door behind him. He opened it again a moment later, peering out. "I'll be watching you two on the cameras."

Buffy and Willow shared a look before going off to find something to pretend to clean to keep Snyder happy.

*** *** ***

Usually, Buffy cursed the lack of elevator in her building. After a long day at work, on her feet all day, the last thing she wanted to do was go up four flights of stairs. But today, she practically flew up them, her only thought being getting home to Spike.

Home to Spike… She liked the sound of that.

She walked in the front door to find him asleep in the couch. The television was on, and the remote control was on the floor under his outstretched hand. He was wearing nothing but a pair of worn jeans, and Buffy licked her lips as a naughty idea she couldn't bring herself to ignore sprung to mind.

Buffy shut the door as quietly as she could, not wanting to risk waking Spike up before she was ready. She crept over to the couch, kneeling beside it and slowly unbuttoning Spike's jeans. She pulled out his cock, stroking it slowly and marveling at how it seemed to come to life in her hands. He'd been at least semi-erect every time she'd seen him before, and she enjoyed this chance to watch him grow hard.

He stirred, making a soft sound, and Buffy looked up, watching his face. When she discerned that he was still asleep, she leaned down, taking him in her mouth. Unable to fit him all in, Buffy brought her hands back in to play, using one to stroke the rest of his length, and the other to cup his balls.

Spike groaned as he started to wake. He'd been having the most wonderful dream and… His train of thought stopped short as he realized he was still feeling what he had in his dream. He opened his eyes and confirmed it. Buffy was really here, eagerly sucking his cock. "Buffy…" Spike moaned, his hand coming up to gently rest in her hair. "Oh god, pet."

Buffy looked up, her eyes sparkling with mischief as they met his. Spike shivered. "Bloody dream come true, you are," he said. After all, it was the truth…

Buffy began to move faster on him, twisting both her hand and her mouth on every upstroke. Spike's eyes closed again as he mumbled a litany of praises for both her and what she was doing to him. She tightened the grip she had on him before sliding up again slowly, barely grazing him with her teeth before pulling up almost completely, only to roll her tongue around the head of his cock. Spike groaned loudly, his hips bucking off the couch. Pleased with his response, she did it again.

Spike knew he couldn't hold off his orgasm. What she was doing to him was too wonderful for it last any longer. "Stop…Buffy, you have to stop."

Buffy pulled up, Spike responding to the action with a whimper. "Did I…did I do something wrong?"

"No. It's perfect, luv," Spike replied softly, stroking her cheek. "You just got me so close. Didn't want to come in your pretty little mouth."

Buffy traced the underside of his cock with her fingernail. "But wouldn't that feel good, baby?"

Spike trembled. What this woman could do to him... "Yeah. It would feel so good, Buffy…"

"Then do it," Buffy said before engulfing him with her hot mouth again. She sucked him hard, squeezing his balls as she did. Now that he had her permission, Spike came, emptying himself into her mouth with a heartfelt groan. Buffy swallowed, not pulling up until he was done. As she lifted her head, she met his eyes, wiping the little bit of come that had leaked out of her mouth on to her finger and licking it off.

If the blow job hadn't been enough to turn his brain to mush, that little act was. Spike lay completely limp on the couch, breathing heavily. Buffy crawled up his body, stopping to nip at his ear.

"Spikey, honey… Did I break you?"

"God, just about. Anyone ever tell you you're a fucking good cocksucker?" Spike frowned. "Wait, don't answer that."

"Mmm…it's easy with a cock as tasty as yours, baby," Buffy purred, reaching down to squeeze the organ in question.

Spike moaned. His eyes widened when he realized he was growing hard again. Was that even possible? Bloody hell…

"Go get a condom, pet," Spike said. "Then come back here and ride me."

Buffy shivered. His voice was dark with sexual promise, and just the thought of what he was suggesting made her unbelievably wet. She stood on shaky legs, going into the bed room as fast as she could.

Spike kicked off his jeans as he waited for her to come back. His hand strayed to his cock, stroking it back towards full hardness as he anticipated how good it would feel to be back inside his Buffy.

When she returned, Buffy had not only gotten the condom, but had also taken off her clothes, leaving her deliciously bare to his heated gaze. She walked slowly over to him, straddling his calves and taking hold of his cock. "Is this where you want me, baby? You want to feel my pussy squeezing you till you pop?"

Spike fought the urge to come right then and there. She was so incredibly sexy like this, making him harder than he ever remembered being before. "Yes…"

"Beg me."

Spike's eyes widened. So baby wanted to play, did she… He responded with a leer. "Make me wanna beg."

Buffy licked her lips, then leaned down, nuzzling her mouth against his chest. Suddenly, she took one of his nipples in her mouth, biting down lightly. Spike cried out, his hips bucking. Buffy's tongue darted out then, soothing the sting of her teeth. "Did you like that, Spike?" she cooed.

"Yes…"

Buffy smiled slightly before moving to the other side, giving the same treatment to that nipple that she'd given the other. Spike groaned, fighting back the "please" that threatened to come from his mouth. He was enjoying this too much to give in so soon. He reached out to cup one of her breasts, but she pushed his hand away.

"No. No touching."

Spike moved his hand back almost immediately, wanting to test her limits, see how far she'd go with what she started. Buffy grabbed his wrist, pushing it above his head. "Do I have to tie you down?"

Spike smirked, running his tongue over his teeth. "I'm more than willing if that's what you want, pet."

Buffy's eyes widened, that answer not the one she'd been expecting. And yet, it sent a thrill up her spine. The thought of Spike tied up, at her mercy… She licked her lips. If she hadn't been so caught up in the moment, she would've been shocked at how brazen she was being. Sex for her in the past had always been soft touches in the dark, nothing pushing much past the box clearly marked "vanilla." But Spike was making her want something different, something that stirred parts of her that she'd never known were there.

"I have silk scarves in my closet."

"Get them."

Buffy stood on shaky legs, hurrying into her bedroom. She went into her closet, ripping open her drawer and pulling out two scarves. Her excitement and trepidation were mixing at the thought of doing this, flipping around in her stomach. She refused to let herself think too much about it, knowing that if she did, her fear of doing something wrong would keep her from doing what she wanted.

Spike had waited patiently for her, and the sight of him stretched out on her couch, ready for her to tie him up and have her way with him was enough to almost make her knees buckle. She straddled him again, his waist this time, and moaned as she felt his cock brush against her folds.

"You're really okay with this?" she asked, a scarf in her hand.

"Oh yeah. You have no idea how much…"

Buffy swallowed, telling herself she could do this. Spike obviously found her sexy and desirable, and he wanted what she was doing to him. No reason to feel self conscious or nervous. She just had to keep remembering that…

Buffy thought about how many times she had complained about the metal frame of her cheap couch. She hated that it had bars on either end instead of proper arm rests, and had found it to be the object of her discomfort on more than one occasion.

But now as she wrapped a scarf around each of his wrists and bound them to that same metal bar, she was grateful for it. Seeing Spike like this was just too damn hot. "That comfy enough for you, baby?" she asked as she made the final pull on a scarf.

"It's perfect, kitten." He grinned at her. "So are you going to do naughty things to me now that you have me all trussed up and at your mercy?"

"I was thinking about fucking you into next week." She winked. "As soon as you beg me, that is…"

Spike wondered for a moment if he really hadn't woken up and this was just one very realistic, very good dream. Or maybe he'd somehow died in his sleep and had actually managed to wake up in heaven… Either way, he was a damn happy man. "Buffy…"

Buffy moved her hips up and down slowly a few times, letting Spike rub against her without actually entering her. He moaned, his eyes rolling back in his head. "Mmm…that feels so good," Buffy moaned, her husky voice making Spike tremble. "Does that feel good to you, too?"

"Yes…" Spike replied, fighting to keep from begging for more. He needed to see what else she'd do.

Buffy moved back, Spike whimpering at the loss of her heat. She grasped his penis, wrapping her small fingers tightly around it. "You're so beautiful. You know that? Your cock is amazing. I love this big vein that runs through it right here…" She traced her finger up the vein, then followed the path with her tongue. Spike cried out, his hips bucking.

"Yeah," Buffy continued. "So beautiful. And so…delicious." She took the head into her mouth, moaning around it. Spike's eyes widened as he felt the last of his control slipping. If she did that one more time…

She did. And she added a swirl of her tongue, too.

"Buffy…baby, please. Fuck me, kitten. Fuck me good and hard."

Buffy smiled in triumph, loving that she could bring him to this. He was pulling against the scarves, his hips thrusting desperately towards her. She reached down beside the couch and picked the condom up from where she'd dropped it, ripping it from the package and sliding it down his length.

She poised herself over the top, letting the thick, weeping head slid inside her before she stopped, looking down at him. "This what you wanted?"

Spike groaned. His Buffy had definitely found her vixen side. He flexed his hands in their bonds, wanting to touch her heated flesh, but getting off from being at her mercy like this at the same time. "More. Please, Buffy, more… Need you so bad, pet."

Oh yeah, Buffy thought. This was definitely something she was enjoying. She lowered herself a little further, taking in another inch before looking down at him with wide, mock-innocent eyes. "Is that what you wanted?"

"Oh fuck, more… Take it all in, kitten. Take all my cock in that tight little pussy of yours…"

His words went right through her, and Buffy dropped down on him, crying out as he filled her so completely. Even as wet and ready as she'd been, he felt enormous inside of her, stretching her to her limits. She fell into a fast rhythm almost immediately, grinding her clit against Spike's pelvis with every downward thrust. Soon, she was riding him in an almost frenzy, cries and moans ripped from her throat.

Spike watched her through eyes glazed with lust. She was gorgeous, her head tossed back with her long, dark hair spilling down her back, tickling his legs. Bound as he was, he could do nothing but enjoy the show, watching her as she rode him to her own pleasure.

Suddenly Buffy stilled, then screamed as her hips bucked frantically. Her inner muscles squeezed him almost painfully as she came, and it was more than Spike could take. He came hard inside of her, his hands straining at his bonds until his whole body went limp.

Buffy collapsed on top of him, the only sound in the room that of their harsh, uneven breaths. Finally, Spike spoke.

"Uh, pet…you think maybe you could untie me?"

*** *** ***

Buffy walked out of the bathroom, toweling her recently-washed hair. Her gaze drifted over to the couch, and she blushed a bright red. Had she honestly tied Spike up and ridden him like a prized stallion? What the hell had gotten into her?

Spike walked out of the bathroom then, a towel slung low against his hips. Oh yeah… That's what had gotten into her. Her blush faded as she focused on the sight in front of her. A drop of water rolled down his chest, and she found herself wanting to lick it off.

That was one hell of a man. And he was hers. Could it get any yummier?

"Whatcha thinkin', luv?" Spike asked.

"How damn sexy you are," Buffy purred, licking her lips as she looked him up and down. Yeah, he'd officially turned her into a little lust bunny…

"Glad you finally decided to notice."

"Oh, I noticed a long time ago, buddy. I noticed way back at the wedding."

"Ha! I knew it." Spike smiled at her for a moment, before his expression got suddenly serious. "Buffy, what are we going to tell our parents?"

Buffy frowned. Parents were not exactly something she wanted to think about right now. "We're not," she said.

"We're not going to tell them? Anything?"

"Nope. Not a damn thing," Buffy replied. "Not like my mother pays any attention to me anyway. Well, unless she's calling to gripe at me about something."

Spike took a deep breath, and then let it out slowly. "I don't know about you, but I plan on this lasting a long time. And being the sort of relationship that would be a bit difficult to hide from family members…"

Buffy sighed. "I know. And me, too. I just… Mom'll freak. I know she's started thinking of you in a son sort of way recently, and us together will just creep her out. And I doubt your father will jump up and down at the idea. They'll make things all stressful, and I don't want us to be stressful. I want us to be happy."

"If you don't want them to know, then I won't tell them," Spike said. "But they're going to find out sooner or later, and it'll be a bigger deal if they find out we've been hiding it."

"I know, but just…not now, all right? Later?"

Spike knew "no" wasn't a word he could say easily to her—if at all. "Fine. But get used to the idea of having to tell them."

"I will."

*** *** ***
 

Chapter 15:

Buffy felt the urge to scream and run away despite the fact that the very crowded hallway and the heels she was wearing probably meant it wouldn't end well for her.

But seeing Riley lumbering towards her, his mouth set in a grim line of determination made her want to chance it, heels be damned.

Before she could make her getaway, Riley was standing in front of her, glowering down. "Buffy, we need to talk."

"We do?" Buffy asked, taking a step backwards. "I thought we already said everything we were going to say."

"You screwed me over the other night, Buffy. I demand an explanation."

"Look, Riley, I'm sorry, but I don't have to give you one."

Riley took hold of her arm, pulling her over towards the wall and out of the stream of people filing from their classes. "Yes, you do. You ditched me for your brother, Buffy. I can't even begin to tell you how twisted that is."

Buffy groaned inwardly. What had she ever seen in this guy? "He's not really my brother," Buffy said, pulling her arm away from Riley.

"Why did you lie to me? Were you sleeping with him the whole time we were together?"

"Okay, for the record, we weren't 'together.' We were casually dating. And no, I wasn't."

"But you are now."

Buffy gaped. "How is that your business?"

"I want to know who he is, Buffy. Seeing as you humiliated me the other night in favor of him, I think you owe me that much."

Buffy sighed. "Fine. He's my step-father's son and he's been living with me for a while. Just roommates though, until recently."

"I thought you said he's not your brother," Riley said with a frown.

"He's not."

"But if he's your step-father's son, that makes him your step-brother.."

"Technically, I guess. But we didn't grow up together or anything, all right?"

Riley backed away from her, his hands slightly raised. "You are so not the girl I thought you were, Buffy. You're having that sort of relationship with your step-brother? Not to mention how he looks. He probably has some sort of VD…"

"Look, Riley, I understand that your ego got bruised," Buffy snapped, her eyes flashing with anger, "But you keep your judgments concerning my life to yourself."

"Whatever, Buffy. I'm just glad I learned the truth about you." Riley turned and walked away.

Buffy took a deep breath, telling herself to calm down. What right did he have to act like something was wrong with her just because she didn't fit into his idea of how people should behave? She was in love with Spike, and…

Buffy stopped her thought right there, her eyes growing wide. Yesterday it had been possibly falling in love and now she was all the way there? She frowned. No, that couldn't be right. It was too soon. She wasn't ready.

Only it was right. When she thought about Spike, she felt something stir deep inside her, something she'd only felt once before. She loved him. Somewhere in the midst of everything that had happened since he'd shown up on her doorstep, she'd fallen in love.

A huge smile blossomed over her face as she practically floated to her next class. She was in love.

And if felt damn good.

*** *** ***

Buffy stopped outside her apartment door. She could hear Spike inside, singing and playing his guitar. It was muffled through the door and the wall, and she wanted to be closer, hear it clearly. She opened the door slowly, hoping that Spike wouldn't stop when she entered.

He did, leaving Buffy disappointed. She liked the sound of his voice, and had wanted the live show. "You don't have to stop on my account," Buffy said, shutting and locking the door behind her. She put her things on the kitchen table. "I heard you out in the hallway. Sounded nice."

Spike was sitting against the wall under the window, guitar in his lap. "I was just working on a new song."

"Can I hear it?" Buffy asked.

Spike shifted. "I just started it. It's really rough. Haven't gotten all the words yet."

Buffy came over and sat on the floor across from him. "I can give you feedback."

Spike hesitated for a moment. "All right. Just don't laugh too hard if it's horrible, okay?"

"It won't be horrible."

"We'll have to see if you still think that in a minute, pet," Spike said with a nervous chuckle.

"I will."

"I just started writing it today…"

"Spike, sing the damn song."

That got her a glare that quickly melted into a smile. He started strumming the guitar and Buffy leaned back on her hands, listening.

"In, I'm falling in again
I didn't want to
Not so fast, boy
Slow
Don't wanna hurt the girl…"

He stopped singing, though he kept playing the guitar. "Don't know where to go with rest of that verse, but I have the chorus."

"Sing it then. I like it so far," Buffy said.

"And I get blinded when she opens the door
It's like the sun looking in, you know
And I'm blinkin', mumblin', starin' at my shoes
And she just looks at me and smiles
Smiles, smile."

He stopped playing, watching her with badly-concealed nervousness. "So?"

"I like it. Really. It's very pretty." Buffy glanced down, then asked softly, "Is it about me?"

"Well, yeah. You've been quite the muse since you came into my life, kitten."

Buffy looked up again. "Really?"

"Yeah. Probably has something to do with the fact that you're just about all I ever bloody think about. Seems like no matter where I am, what I'm doing, there you are. My mind has turned into the all-Buffy channel."

Buffy leaned in, her face inches away from his. "And could this all-Buffy channel be shown on network television?"

Spike gave her a leer, leaning in until their lips were almost touching. "Oh no, baby. We're talkin' premium channel here."

"Mmm…care to give me a free preview?"

Spike tossed his guitar off his lap, his lips on hers as he tackled Buffy to the ground.

*** *** ***

"Okay, next time we do this on the floor, I am so on top," Buffy said, shifting uncomfortably. "I have carpet burn."

"Sorry, pet," Spike said, kissing the top of her head. "Guess we should've aimed for the bed."

"Nope, couldn't have made it that far. I wanted you right then and there."

Spike grinned. "Well, it's nice to know I have that effect on my girl."

"You have quite an effect on me," Buffy said. "I've never been this way with anyone. I want you constantly. Even when you're inside me, it's like it can never be enough." She glanced down. "Not that he's not more than enough, 'cause wow, weren't you blessed in that department, but…"

Spike tightened his arms around her. "I know, kitten. Feels the same way with me. Can't get my fill of you."

Worry crossed over Buffy's features. "Do you think you ever will?"

"Get my fill of you? Don't think so. You set me on fire, Buffy. You make everything brighter, more intense. Just thinking about you makes me feel things I never could've imagined."

"What about that woman you told me about before. The one in England."

Spike stiffened slightly beside her. "Drusilla."

"Yeah. Her."

"Dru wasn't like you, Buffy. I loved her, but she…she wasn't warm like you are. I used to call her my dark princess. That's what she was. All darkness and cold comfort. But being with you, Buffy…it's like tasting sunshine." Spike moved slightly so he was over her, looking down into her eyes. "It may be too soon for this, and it might scare you off, and if it does, know that I'm running after you, but…" He took a deep breath. "I love you, Buffy."

Buffy blinked. "You…you do?"

"Yes. But I'll understand if it's too soon, and you…"

Buffy silenced him with a kiss. "I love you, too," she said when she pulled away.

Spike looked down at her in shock. "Really?"

"Yeah. And I get the whole sudden thing, because hey, we've only been together a couple of days, but I do. I've been falling in love with you since the day you showed up here, I think."

Spike kissed her forehead. "I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. Just took me a while to realize it."

"Back at the wedding?" Buffy asked with a frown. "That was years ago…"

"I know." Spike caressed her cheek. "Saw you dancin', up in your window. You were amazing. Such fire. Beauty and strength. Called to me, you did."

"And yet you were a total jerk when you actually met me."

"Well, you weren't exactly Miss Charming."

"What happened to beauty and strength and fire, huh?" Buffy teased.

"I think that was the fire," Spike said, dropping a kiss on her nose.

"So you like my inner bitch, huh?"

Spike quirked his eyebrow. "Inner?"

Buffy lightly slapped his chest. "Watch it, mister. Cause if I wasn't all boneless right now, I'd so kick your ass."

"Mmm…pretty words, pet," he replied, nipping at her lip with his teeth.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Perv."

"Oi. You were into the bondage thing yesterday."

Buffy tried not to blush. "Your point?"

"My point is maybe you like me being a perv, baby."

"Never said I didn't," Buffy replied, giggling as she pushed up against him.

"That's my girl," Spike said, his voice deep as he kissed her again.

After a moment, Buffy pulled away, her brow furrowed. Spike could tell there was something on her mind other than another round of mind blowing sex… "What is it?"

"Why were you such a jerk at the wedding? I've gotten to know you now, and you aren't like that. So why act that way then?"

Spike rolled off of her, lying beside Buffy on the floor and staring up at the cracked ceiling. "It was because of my mum. I felt…it felt like my father was replacing her."

"She…she died, didn't she?" Buffy asked softly.

"Yeah. She had lung cancer. Never smoked a day in her life, but it got her anyway. I was just a boy when she died, and we were close. I certainly wasn't over it then, and I didn't think he should be either."

"I…I don't think he really got over it. Not like that. When…when someone you love dies you don't really get over it. But you learn to keep living. Learn…learn to move on."

Spike turned on his side, facing her. "I know. More now than I did then… And I don't hold that against him anymore. But I was hurting then, and I took it out on you and your mum. I'm sorry for that."

Buffy gave him a small smile. "Don't be. It's okay."

Spike kissed her gently. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

*** *** ***

Buffy watched Spike as she slept, a smile tugging at her lips. He looked so beautiful like this, all of the bad boy image he tried so hard to project during the waking hours gone. He looked like an angel.

Angel…

Buffy closed her eyes, a shiver going through her at the thought of her first love. At one time, she'd thought he'd be her last love, too. Even when he was gone and she was alone. But now…

She traced Spike's cheekbone softly, wanting to touch him but careful not to wake him. Despite her best efforts to guard her heart, she was in love. She was already so far gone, and yet she could feel herself falling deeper every day.

Carefully, she got out of the bed, watching as Spike reached out for her even in sleep, a frown marring his face at the loss of her heat. She pressed a kiss against his forehead, watching as he relaxed again.

Buffy walked over to her dresser, opening up her jewelry box and taking out the top layer. She reached behind her and grasped the clasp of the chain she wore around her neck, undoing it with shaky hands. She pulled it off, staring at the Claddagh as it now rested against her skin.

In the years since Angel's death, this was the first time she'd taken the ring from around her neck. She hadn't been able to bring herself to before. It had felt too much like forgetting him…

But she wasn't forgetting. She was moving on. She was living…

She turned to Spike, watching him as he slept in their bed. It was time for her to make this step, to face the future instead of the past.

"Goodbye," she said softly before dropping the ring into the jewelry box.

Buffy let out a long, slow breath before rejoining Spike.

*** *** ***
 

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