Chapter 11 – Platonic Love


Slowly opening her eyes, Buffy took a moment to remember where she was. When she noticed the cool body next to her, she felt her heart begin to flutter as she remembered the kiss that she and Spike had shared the night before. Slowly rolling over to face him, she smiled as she watched him sleep- only slightly disturbed by the lack of breathing or heartbeat. Feeling a thrill rush through her when she realized his hand was splayed across her abdomen, she nearly shivered at the simple gesture.

‘He could be awake right now and you’d never know it,’ she thought to herself.

Her fingers itched to reach out and gently stroke against the sharp angles of his cheekbones, but she bit her lip, keeping her hands where they were. She knew that if he felt anything even resembling an intimate touch, he would be out of the bed and up the ladder before she could blink. The conversation they’d had the night before was still fresh in her mind.

“Spike, just get in the bed,” Buffy said in exasperation.

“I’m not sharing that bed with you, Goldilocks,” he replied, walking over to the ladder and looking back in surprise when she grabbed the back of his shirt and jerked him back down to the ground.

“If I’m such a kid, then what are you afraid of?”

Spike sighed, clenching his jaw and cracking his neck in irritation.

“Because you’re not a kid,” he said softly, opening his eyes to look at her.

“It’s about time you noticed,” she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I’ll be up there,” Spike said, not wanting to risk saying anything to that statement.

“No,” Buffy replied with another forceful tug of his shirt.

“Bloody hell, woman- you’re going to rip it!”

“So what? You’ve got like a million of ‘em.”

“Ha, bloody, ha.”

“Spike, if you don’t look at me as a kid, then I’m an adult, right?”

“Really don’t like where this conversation is going.”

“Answer me.”

“Fine,” he replied, exasperated. “You’re an adult in my eyes- you happy?”

“Then, as two adults, I’m saying that we should share the bed…platonically,” Buffy added, raising an eyebrow as if to challenge him.

Looking at the soft mattress and running his tongue along his bottom lip as he thought about the situation, Spike slowly turned his gaze to the young woman in front of him. “Anything even feels like it’s going to happen, and I’m outta here. Are we clear?”

“Crystal,” Buffy said, climbing into the bed and waiting until Spike was on the other side before speaking again. “You’re so worried about something happening and it never enters that big head of yours that I might not want it to.”

She could practically feel the shock rolling off his body as he turned to look at her in the dark. “What are you going on about? You were the one dreaming about me!”

“Exactly,” she replied, keeping the smirk off her face since she knew he could see it with his enhanced vision. “Dreaming, as in- unconscious. It’s not my fault that my brain can’t pick a good guy out of my Fantasy File.”

“Please, tell me you’re joking,” he replied, unsuccessfully trying to keep the jealousy out of his voice.

“About the File?” Buffy teased. “Nope, not joking. It could have been anyone- Johnny Depp, Jude Law…hell, even Xander…”

“Please, shut up,” Spike groaned, running a hand over his eyes.

“You get my point,” she continued with a shrug that he couldn’t see as she tried to suppress her laughter at his reaction. “You just happened to choose the night that it was about you.”

“I’m warning you- if you don’t shut the hell up right now, you’ll be sleeping outside.”

“Awww, poor Spikey. Don’t worry- I’m sure tonight it will be someone extra yummy…maybe Orlando Bloom.”

“Buffy!”

Smiling at the memory, Buffy prepared to climb out of the bed, wanting to slip out of the crypt to save Spike from the obvious scene that he wanted to avoid. It wasn’t exactly a ‘morning after’ situation, but she knew that he would still feel awkward. Slowly removing his hand from her stomach, she felt a profound sense of loss when she broke their contact. Not wanting to dwell on it, she tried to push herself to a sitting position, cringing when the bed squeaked under weight. Slipping out from under the covers, she breathed a sigh of relief when her feet were firmly on the floor.

Taking a deep breath and walking around to the other side of the bed as she straightened her clothes, Buffy hesitantly leaned over to brush her lips across his forehead, stopping a moment before she made contact and thought better of it, knowing that he wouldn’t like it.

“Bye, Spike,” she breathed, trailing her hand along his cheek before preparing to stand up.

“Where are you going, luv?” he asked, opening his eyes to look into hers.

Blinking and swallowing in surprise, Buffy didn’t think to stand up straight as she stared into his deep blue gaze. “I thought I’d go ahead and leave,” she murmured, trying to give him a soft smile.

“Don’t have to,” he said softly, reaching up to brush her hair out of her eyes.

“I think I probably should,” she said in a breathless whisper as his hand lingered near her face.

Realizing how close she was to his delicious mouth and feeling her pulse begin to race, Buffy took a shaky breath, calling on everything inside of her to move her lips away from the man she loved. Slowly standing up straight, she thought she saw a flash of disappointment in Spike’s eyes, but she knew she must have been imagining things.

‘Get out of here, before you embarrass yourself.’

“I should really go,” she said, trying to offer him a tender smile as she walked toward the ladder.

“I’ll walk you up, pet.”

“Spike, I’ve been here a million times. I think I can find my way to the door,” she replied. If she was honest with herself, she really wanted to spend as much time with him as she could, but if he did that, it would seem like too much of a date…and that would make her ache even more when it sunk in that this was all they would ever be.

“It’s alright,” he said, sitting up and rolling his head around his shoulders before standing. “I need to get some blood, anyway.”

He noticed that she didn’t cringe when he mentioned his dietary needs, like every other human seemed to. Instead, she merely nodded and began climbing the ladder.

She never made a face when he mentioned blood. She accepted all of him, just as he was, and never attempted to change him. That was one of the things he loved most about her. ‘Platonic love,’ he told himself, following her to the upper level and watching as she grabbed her bag and walked toward the door.

“I’ll see you later, Spike,” she said softly. “Thanks for letting me stay.”

“Anytime, pet,” he said before she got to the door. “Just promise me one thing, luv,” he added before she walked out into the sunlight.

“What’s that?” she asked, turning around to look at him.

“Promise me that you don’t really dream about the whelp,” he said, smiling when her eyes clouded over with repressed rage and laughing as he easily dodged the bag that she threw it at him.





Chapter 12 – Playing With Fire


Nervously pacing through the house that had become her home over the last few years, Buffy bit her lip as she listened to the sharp heels of her boots click on the floor.

‘Is this visit to check up on me or to check up on me?’ she wondered as she wrung her hands together.

“Buffy, sit down, sweetie,” Willow said, watching the young woman make another pass by the living room. “You’re going to wear a hole in the floor and you’re nervous for no reason.”

“Am I?” she countered, stopping in front of the redhead and looking back and forth between her and Tara. Ignoring Aubrey as the other young blonde stood in the corner, Buffy watched as the two witches exchanged a look, only serving to fuel her nervousness. “Not helping,” she muttered, resuming her pacing.

“Come on, pet,” Spike said from his position where he was comfortably sprawled along the couch. “Soulboy is a lot of things, but there’s no reason to get nervous or scared about him paying a visit.”

Taking a deep breath to control her emotions, Buffy frowned when she saw Aubrey look at Spike appreciatively.

‘Why is she even here?’ she wondered angrily. ‘Just because she lives in the house doesn’t mean she’s included in the family.’

To Spike’s credit, his eyes never left Buffy’s nervous form as he offered her a comforting smile.

Hearing the car in the driveway, both Spike and Buffy turned toward the door, each instinctively knowing that Angel had arrived before everyone else. Feeling Spike’s presence when he came to stand behind her, she turned to give him a grateful smile for his show of support. Willow and Tara came to stand in the doorway of the living room as Buffy took a calming breath, letting her hands run along her black pants in a silent effort to soothe her nerves.

Sensing Angel on the other side of the door, she slowly twisted the knob and opened it, revealing a man she hadn’t seen in over a year.

“Hello,” he greeted her in a cold tone.

‘Uh oh.’

“Hi,” she replied, forcing a smile onto her lips and trying to calm the nervousness that was welling up inside of her. Of course he could sense the tension no matter what, so it did her no good to try and calm down now that he was already here.

‘Stupid vampire senses,’ she grumbled silently.

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You’re already invited,” she said, letting the fake smile fall away since he obviously wasn’t taking her emotions at face value.

‘Of all the times for him to actually read into a situation,’ she thought as he passed her. ‘And has he always been this tall?’ she wondered, suddenly feeling more intimidated now that everyone was combined in the foyer of the house. Rolling her shoulders slightly to get the tension out of her body, she let her eyes close briefly when she felt Spike’s hand brush against the small of her back.

Sizing up his grandsire as he walked through the door, Spike felt Angel’s eyes fall to him as soon as the door shut behind him. The look in his eyes made Spike want to take a step back and get away from Angel’s daughter at all costs. He could practically feel the claim washing over him in warning, nearly flooding his senses with the power of it as the older vampire stared at Spike. Of course it wasn’t a typical vampiric claim since Buffy wasn’t Angel’s mate, but she was his most precious possession and the warning was clear. The demon warned him to stay away, but the man in him was going to prove that he was there for Buffy…no matter what Angel thought about the situation.

“Hi, Angel,” Willow said brightly as Tara offered a wave. “Come sit down. Oh, and this is the new Slayer, Aubrey,” she continued as she took a few steps back into the living room and gestured to the other blonde girl.

Barely even greeting the other woman with a nod, Angel’s focus was on his daughter. Not taking the invitation to go into the other room, he simply continued to stare down at the small blonde girl, mildly surprised when her own strong gaze never wavered.

Spike narrowed his eyes as he sized up the situation, watching father and daughter stare at each other, his protective instincts going into overdrive at the thought that Buffy could be in a potentially threatening situation. And he wasn’t going to analyze the new turn of events that made him want to protect her as more than a friend or an obligation. He was about to take a step forward and put a stop to the staring contest when Buffy spoke.

“Why are you here?”

“I was told I was needed,” he replied, never breaking eye contact with her.

“Cordy had a vision?” she asked in confusion.

“No. More like…intuition.”

“What?”

“It seems she was reading into a conversation with Willow and thought that you might need some guidance.”

“Guidance?” Buffy repeated with a raised eyebrow, feeling her anger growing.

“You haven’t exactly been behaving yourself, have you?” Angel said, narrowing his eyes slightly when he saw the angry flush tint her cheeks. “I thought it might be in your best interest if I came to take care of things.”

“Oh, that’s rich,” Buffy replied with a scoff as she rolled her eyes. “It’s about time you actually got off your ass and did something.”

“Elizabeth-”

“That’s not my name,” she said in a low voice.

“Yes, it is,” he said in a low whisper.

“The hell it is,” Buffy replied. “Just because you decided to be a parent for a month and give me that name doesn’t mean that it still applies today.”

“Don’t test me, little girl,” Angel growled.

“I’ll do whatever the hell I want,” she challenged, ignoring the fact that Spike took a step forward, waiting to intervene if necessary.

No one had ever seen father and daughter go at it to this degree. Of course, Buffy was right, to an extent. Angel never did make an effort when it came to raising her. It wasn’t his fault- it was for Buffy’s safety- but judging from the darkening looks on both of their faces, neither was concerned with the specifics of the situation at that moment.

“I’m not some little girl who needs guidance,” she spat back at him, her voice filled with venom as she looked at a man who was her only family member, but at the same time, he was a virtual stranger. “I’m not a kid,” she said in a low, menacing voice. “And I can take care of myself.”

Passing him and walking toward the door, Buffy felt Angel’s hand grab her arm and shrugged him off. “Go back to Los Angeles,” she said in a low voice. “You’re not needed here.”

Not stopping to watch his reaction, Buffy walked out the door, feeling a small amount of satisfaction that she stood up to him, but an even more overwhelming feeling of loss that she’d cut off her only family member.

* * * * *

Seeing her walk through the door, Spike watched in stunned silence for a long moment before slowly walking toward the door.

“Where are you going?” Angel asked before the blonde made it out of the house.

“After her,” he replied, never looking at his grandsire.

“Is there something I should know about?” Angel called after him in a voice that was too calm for anyone’s likings.

With measured precision, Spike came to a stop before slowly turning to face the other man. “No,” he said in a low growl. “But I care enough about her to not let her wander around by herself on the Hellmouth.”

* * * * *

Wanting to work off her nervous energy, Buffy was practically pacing in circles around the cemetery, almost daring any unsuspecting vamps to walk by and try and take her by surprise.

Angel’s voice was ringing in her head, causing the tension to grow in her muscles until she was agitatedly rolling her arms and trying to release the stress that he had caused.

“You alright?”

Hearing the soft voice behind her, Buffy restrained the urge to turn around and throw herself into Spike’s arms.

“No,” she whispered, feeling tears stinging the back of her eyes. Refusing to turn around as she frantically tried to blink them away, not wanting him to think she was acting immature. She could sense him approaching and took a deep breath to steady her nerves. “I’m not alright,” she murmured. “But I just need a few minutes…alone.”

“No, you don’t,” he said softly, feeling her tremble when his fingertips gently ran along her back. “You don’t have to do everything alone,” he whispered in her ear, trying not to notice how the feeling of her so close felt so right to him.

Relaxing against him, Buffy briefly closed her eyes, biting her lip as she ran over the conversation that occurred with her father just moments ago.

“Where does he get off?” she asked after a moment, throwing her hands up in the air and resuming her pacing. “He raped and murdered for over a hundred years, and he thinks he can dictate to me about my life!?” she continued, gesturing to herself and never noticing Spike’s flinch as her description of Angel also matched his own past. “He drops out of my life for years, never even sending me a birthday card because it might endanger me, and then he thinks he can play the concerned father role?”

“He’s just worried about you,” Spike said, choosing his words carefully so that he wouldn’t set her off, since she seemed to be calming down.

Angrily kicking a tombstone, Buffy winced when it cracked under her strength. “Oops,” she said, making a face that Spike found adorable. Turning around with a deep sigh, she leaned heavily against the stone and let her legs give out on her, slowly sliding to the ground. Pulling her knees up to her chest, Buffy propped her elbows on top of them and ran her hands through her hair. “He just doesn’t get it,” she said, feeling the fight drain out of her as her head lolled back to rest against the cool stone. Studying the few stars that were shining through the clouds, she let a frustrated sigh flow from her lungs, vaguely noticing when Spike sat down beside her.

“I don’t think a lot of us ‘get it’,” he replied, watching as her eyes searched the darkened sky.

“No,” she said softly with an understanding nod. “I guess you don’t. I mean…it’s been a long time since you were a teenager, right?” she continued with a smile.

Spike chuckled, relaxing next to her. “That it has.”

“How old are you?” she asked, smiling when she noticed the surprised look on his face.

Pausing to think for a minute, Spike looked up at the sky. “Hundred and-”

“No,” Buffy interrupted, shaking her head. “How old were you when you were turned?”

“Why?” he asked, already uncomfortable with where this topic could be heading.

“Just curious,” she replied with a shrug.

“It’s been a while,” he murmured. “Little over thirty, I guess.”

“Really?” she asked, nervously playing with her thumbnail. “I would have guessed younger.”

“Not exactly a teenager,” he said with a smile.

“And why is it that everything that I think or feel is automatically written off as ‘a teenage thing’?” she asked, causing Spike to smile as she completely changed topics again. Seemingly going off in her own little world, he looked over at her, enjoying the infuriated look on her face as the thought of Angel got her worked up again.

He tried not to notice how beautiful she was when her brows crinkled to form a small line in between them or how her mouth pressed together in a tight line when she wasn’t speaking. Tilting his head when she began speaking again, he tried to push all thoughts out of his mind.

“Why can’t it ever just be because I have thoughts and feelings like a regular person?” she continued, trying to keep the whininess out of her voice and simply asking a question. “And I’m not talking about you…well…not just you,” she added with a smile, glancing over at him and quickly looking away when she noticed his intense gaze on her. “It’s everyone,” she said softly. “It’s everything. I just…I just want people to look past the exterior and see what’s going on inside, you know what I mean?” she asked, turning to look at him again and surprised when his lips were closer to hers than she remembered just a moment ago.

Leaning toward him, Buffy nervously licked her lips, nearly gasping when his eyes darted to her mouth before returning her hungry gaze. Meeting her halfway, his lips had barely brushed against hers in the softest caress when he heard a distant rustling of someone approaching. Pulling back and seeing the confusion in her gaze, it was immediately replaced by contempt when she heard the familiar voice.

“Spike? Buffy?”

“Over here, Aubrey,” Spike called, never letting his eyes break away from Buffy’s.

“Oh,” the Slayer said in surprise as she rounded the crypt, obviously not expecting to be intruding on such an intimate moment. “Um…Angel’s looking for you, Buffy.”

Finally tearing her gaze away from Spike, Buffy turned to look at the other woman. “Angel can wait,” she replied in a cold voice.

“He, uh…he told me to find you.”

“You found me,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “You can go now.”

Aubrey looked between the two blondes for another moment before nodding as she turned to leave.

Waiting a few minutes until Buffy knew she was gone, she finally relaxed.

“That was a little harsh, luv,” Spike said, lighting a cigarette after another moment passed.

Gritting her teeth, she looked over at him, narrowing her eyes as she studied the man sitting next to her. “Why do you always fall in love with Slayers, Spike?”

“Don’t think that applies to this situation.”

“Answer the question.”

“Not sure I’m following, Goldilocks.”

Well, it’s just…you’re going to live forever…”

“Yeah…”

“And they have a really short lifespan.”

Nodding in understanding, he took a long drag off his cigarette. “Just a glutton for punishment, I suppose.”

“Not to mention the whole vampire plus Slayer equation…it just seems a little unbalanced if they fall in love.”

“And here I was thinking that it created a balance,” Spike replied with a smile. It quickly faded when he saw the crestfallen look on Buffy’s face. “What’s wrong, pet?”

“Nothing,” she said too quickly, shaking her head as she stood up. “Absolutely nothing.”

Spike waited for her to run off. To try and hide from what she wanted him to know, but she stayed where she was.

“For your information it was Slayer, not Slayers. Singular. If you think I’m in love with her…”

“Does it matter what I think?” she asked, running her hands over her arms in an attempt to stop the chill that was coursing through her.

Standing up and shrugging out of his duster, Spike placed it over her shoulders and took a step back, needing the distance from her and from the feelings that were coursing through him. “It does.”

 

Chapter 13 – Lessons


“Get your act together,” Buffy mimicked Angel as she remembered his words to her before he left town. Smashing her fist into the unsuspecting fledgling, she felt a little bit of her anger recede- but only a tiny amount. She had decided that on her way to burn off some steam at the Bronze, she could burn off some steam by taking out her aggression on the vampire population. “You need to start behaving like an adult.” Kicking the vamp in the gut, he keeled over and looked around.

“Who are you talking to?”

“No daughter of mine will go around acting like that.”

“Like what?” the vamp asked, punching her in the jaw.

Buffy reeled back before striking again, letting the sharp heel of her shoe make direct contact with his knee. “That’s what I’d like to know,” she muttered, barely paying attention as she smoothed her skirt and continued. “What does he expect from me? Mr. Absentee Father decides to make a play for ‘Father of the Year’ and he suddenly thinks that he can just jump back into my life.”

Flying back into the side of a nearby mausoleum, Buffy winced as she reached around, gingerly touching the back of her head before an explosion of pain traveled through her body. Barely able to keep her eyes open, she vaguely realized that she had been hit in the temple with a small statue.

Trying to fight through the dizzying feelings that were crashing through her body, Buffy tried to stand, cringing when another sharp pain raced through her stomach. Looking up, she barely had time to see the blur of black leather and blonde hair as the fledgling was tackled.

‘Spike?’ she thought dimly, looking around to see where she was. ‘Spike’s cemetery…please be Spike.’

Hearing the familiar growl, she let herself collapse against the cold stone, trying not to let her eyes close. She was vaguely aware of the blue eyes that entered her line of vision a moment later.

“Stay awake, luv,” he said, giving her a shake for good measure before lifting her into his arms. “I said, stay awake!”

Seeing her eyes drift close, he felt panic run through him as the blood gushed from her head wound.

* * * * *

Trying to open her eyes and push the fog away, Buffy suddenly remembered the vampire she had been fighting. Bolting into a sitting position, she winced at the pain that the sudden movement caused. Panting for air, she tried to let her eyes focus in the dark interior.

‘Spike’s crypt,’ she thought, feeling her nerves moderately settle down.

“Buffy.”

Hearing the cold voice drift toward her from the shadows, Buffy flinched at the malice that laced through the words.

“Spike?”

Tenderly touching her stomach, she didn’t even have to look at it to know that there would be a nasty-looking bruise in the morning. Letting her hand travel up to her head, she was relieved to feel that the wound was closed before her eyes widened with the realization that Spike must have closed it. Tasting her blood and sealing the wound.

“What the hell were you doing out?” he finally growled, slowly stepping out of the shadows and letting the moonlight wash over him.

Hearing the tone of his voice and compiling it with the still-fresh memory of Angel’s criticisms, Buffy pushed herself to a standing position, straightening her tank top and glaring at the blonde vampire. “None of your damn business,” she yelled, ignoring the pain that accompanied her sudden movement.

Walking toward the door, she gritted her teeth when Spike practically materialized in front of her.

“What have I taught you?” he asked in a low voice, causing her to suppress a shiver from running through her. “Lesson the first- you never take your mind off your opponent.”

Feeling her temper raise as he spoke, she narrowed her eyes. “Lesson the second,” she replied, punching him in the nose. “Never underestimate your opponent.”

Seeing his eyes darken, Buffy was only mildly surprised when she felt the solid backhand that connected with her cheek.

‘Right,’ she thought, waiting for her vision to clear. ‘Chipless, soulless vampire, you idiot. He has no problem hitting a girl.’

Retaliating a moment later, Buffy slammed her fist into his nose again, seeing his jaw tighten upon impact before he grabbed her by her arms, throwing her against the nearby wall.

Squirming around in his grasp, Spike groaned, squeezing his eyes shut as she moved against him.

Finally breaking free of his hold, Buffy moved to punch him again, her eyes widening when he grabbed her arm and pivoted her around, using his body to press her against the wall. Her stomach and breasts smashed against the wall of the crypt as she tried to break free of his grasp, refusing to back down when he pushed her more forcefully against the cold stone.

“Are you done?”

Shoving back against him, she could have sworn she heard a moan coming from him before driving her elbow into his stomach and spinning around to face him.

“Not even close,” she replied with an arched eyebrow.

Seeing his eyes sparking with yellow in the dim moonlight, Buffy panted as she continued to look at him. Staring at each other for a long moment, she gasped when his lips crashed down on hers, causing her eyes to widen before shivering and eagerly kissing him back.

Each needing an outlet for their emotions, they renewed their battle through a different course, frantically clawing at each other, needing to feel as much of the other person as they could. Buffy’s hands shoved the duster down his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor as Spike slipped a hand beneath her shirt, squeezing her bare breast and swallowing her moan of pleasure.

Feeling him gather her up in his arms, Buffy’s body automatically responded, locking her legs around his waist as her hands held onto his shoulders.

Breaking away for a moment, Spike let his lips brush along the line of her neck, pausing to suck on the tender flesh and gently biting down with his blunt teeth. Hearing her breathy gasp escape her throat, he smiled as Buffy eagerly tilted her neck, allowing him more access.

“More,” she whispered, feeling his hands slip down her body and quickly shoving the skirt up over her hips. The sound of the zipper seemed to echo in the open space, but neither had a chance to think about what they were doing as Spike continued his ministrations on her neck. Buffy arched her hips against his body as his hands grasped her thighs in a bruising grip before traveling higher.

Pushing her soaked thong out of the way, he didn’t even have time to think before he was buried deep inside of her. Numbly hearing her scream of pain as their hips met, Spike pulled away in shock, feeling his heart constrict when he saw the tears in her eyes as she gasped and swallowed, trying to recoil from the sudden, unfamiliar invasion of her body.

“Oh God,” he muttered, pulling back and seeing the pain turn to terror.

“No!” she cried, holding onto him and pushing her hips against his, mildly surprised when the pain began to subside with the slight friction. “Don’t leave me,” she whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips before looking at him again. “Please don’t leave me.”

‘This is wrong, this is wrong, this is wrong,’ his brain chanted before her warm lips captured his and effectively sent what was left of the blood in his brain, rushing south.

Following her movements and unable to control his own, Spike began pumping into her, trying to maintain his strength for the first few minutes until Buffy made it clear that she was enjoying it.

Whipping her shirt over her head, he stared at her as their hips moved together, her head thrown back in ecstasy as her nails scratched along the back of his neck. Her gasps and breathy moans combined with the occasional whimper and the slight aroma of her blood that hung in the air had Spike’s demon screaming to come to the surface.

Unable to control it any longer as he watched her face contort in pleasure, his vampire guise fell in place. He waited until Buffy looked at him before he moved closer to her. Seeing her tilt her neck in invitation, he willed himself not to look at it.

‘Too intimate,’ he thought, trying not to think how hypocritical that sounded in his head.

Moving lower, Spike let his fangs sink into the soft swell of her breast, feeling Buffy’s body shudder as tremors ran through her, sending her screaming out in climax. Breathing heavily as Spike pulsed inside of her, Buffy let her head roll back against the wall. Briefly closing her eyes as his fangs retracted, she slowly turned to look at him, seeing every emotion he was feeling reflected in his eyes as they melted from yellow to blue.

And she braced herself for the final blow.

Pulling away from her, Spike gently lowered her to the floor, waiting for her to straighten her clothes and put on her shirt before speaking.

“Buffy…”

“Here it comes,” she muttered, looking at the floor and trying to cover her nerves by smoothing her skirt.

“I…I think…”

“Tell me,” she finally said, raising her eyes to his and closing off all of her emotions. “Tell me it was a mistake. Tell me we can’t be together because I’m Angel’s daughter.”

“You’re too young,” he whispered, his voice soft as he looked at the floor, rubbing the back of his neck and trying to massage the tension away. “It was a mistake, because you’re too young.”

“Too young to be with, but not too young to fuck,” she spat at him, walking toward the door and feeling her entire body tense when he blocked her exit.

“That’s not what-”

Cutting himself off when she placed her hands on his chest, his eyes widened as she shoved him out of the way. Jerking the door open so fast, he was mildly surprised that she didn’t pull it off the hinges before she turned to face him again.

Her voice was a shaky whisper as she looked at him with contempt. “Fuck you, Spike.”




 

Chapter 14:

Chapter 14 – Wanting to be Wanted





Spike was practically growling as he walked toward the Bronze. It had been a week since he’d seen Buffy, and when he finally got the nerve to stop by her house and talk to her, Willow had informed him that she’d barely been home over the past week, simply stopping by to change clothes before leaving again. Completely ignoring Willow and Tara and evading Giles when he stopped by to see what was wrong.



‘She’s uncontrollable.’



This time, Spike did growl as Willow’s voice filled his head.



‘Something’s wrong and she won’t talk to anyone. She’s angry all the time and we don’t know where she goes or what she’s doing.’



Storming through the alley, he had just reached the door when the familiar scent of honeysuckle floated toward him, along with a sense of power that always seemed to accompany it. He knew that scent better than any other. It was permeated through his brain, making him always be away of her presence.



Barely turning his head to look over his shoulder, he gritted his teeth when he heard her soft voice drift toward him. Letting go of the door handle, he walked toward the shadows, feeling rage rush through him when he saw Buffy pressed against the side of the building by another man as his lips practically attacked her neck. Her eyes closed- whether it be in pleasure or restraint from pushing him away, he didn’t know, but she didn’t look like she was enjoying herself.



Spike didn’t mark her neck, but it still didn’t stop the possessive feelings to take control or the word that repeatedly flashed in his mind.



Mine.



Feeling the urge to torture someone for the first time in years, Spike noticed as one of the man’s hands steadily slipped under her shirt and climbed higher while the other hand began reaching for the hem of her skirt.



Stalking toward the couple, Spike brutally grabbed the man by his neck with a ferocious roar, barely resisting the urge to snap it like a twig as he tossed him against the wall. Feeling moderately satisfied when he slid down the wall in an unconscious heap, he slowly turned his gaze toward Buffy. Mildly surprised to see her angry expression, he breathed heavily, trying to resist the urge to beat some sense into her.



“What…the hell…are you doing?” she asked in a low voice, her eyes flashing as she stared at him.



“Watching out for you,” he said in a low voice, narrowing his eyes as he advanced on her as if he was a predator. Except he wasn’t the only one.



Taken by surprise when her fist connected with his nose, Spike restrained himself from returning the favor, already ashamed for his out of control behavior the other night. He refused to hit her again.



“So what’s the plan?” she asked angrily. “You don’t want me, but no one else can have me either?”



“I never said I didn’t want you,” he replied, his tone softening as he looked at her.



“It doesn’t change the facts, Spike,” she spat out at him angrily. “I’m not going to stop enjoying myself just because of what happened between us.”



‘Liar,’ her inner voice told her as Spike’s expression went from hurt to angry. She didn’t even want to be here, and she sure as hell wasn’t ready to move on, but she couldn’t go to Spike’s and she couldn’t go home and…she really shouldn’t have accepted the drink from the other man, further lowering her damaged inhibitions.



She knew it wasn’t the right thing to do, but…someone had wanted her. He had wanted her, and in her dejected state of mind, it felt good to be wanted. Even if it wasn’t by the right man. Even if it was just for a few moments, because in those moments, she could pretend he was someone else. Someone who clearly didn’t want her.



“I’m taking you home,” Spike finally said, reaching for her and frowning when she evaded his touch, stepping out of his reach.



“Take yourself home,” she said angrily, walking away from him. She didn’t know whether to be happy or hurt that he didn’t follow her.



* * * * *



Cutting through the cemetery on her way home, Buffy rolled her eyes when she felt an unfamiliar vampire presence make itself known. Spike’s signature was practically burned through her, letting her know when he was close, but this feeling definitely wasn’t familiar. Turning around to face the idiot who was stupid enough to cross her path tonight of all nights, her jaw tightened when she saw the group of six vampires behind her.



“You shouldn’t be here, Slayer,” one growled in her direction.



“I’m not the Slayer,” Buffy said through gritted teeth.



“You kill our kind. That makes you a Slayer in our book.”



“Yeah, well I’m not. I’m just a girl who’s able to kick your ass before you’re dust in the wind. Any takers?” she asked, holding her arms out beside her as she looked around the large group, refusing to let the tremor of fear she was feeling let itself be known as a chill crept up her spine.



Seeing the leader and two other vampires step forward, a stake practically materialized in her hand. Buffy immediately launched into her attack, staking one of the fledglings and battling the other two, sensing that the others were eager to jump in as well.



Hearing a roar behind her, Buffy flinched and did a quick flip along the grass, taking out another vampire as she stood up, surprised to see Spike fighting with the ones left over.



“Should have known you would have reinforcements, Slayer.”



“I told you,” she said through gritted teeth, landing a solid hit to the leader’s jaw. “I’m not the Slayer!”



Seeing the vampire explode into dust, she breathed heavily when it cleared, revealing Spike on the other side, clenching his jaw as he tried to control his anger.



Glaring at him for a moment, Buffy turned on her heel and began walking away. Turning to follow, Spike stalked after her through the dusty remains of the half dozen vamps that had dared to take her away from him.



“I’m not done with you!” he yelled.



“Well, that’s just too damn bad!” she cried, stopping a few yards away and spinning around to face him, her hair flying around her shoulders with the momentum. “You’ve done all you’re going to do to me!”



Ignoring the pain and regret that flowed through him, Spike closed the distance between them and grabbing her forcefully by the arms, holding her firmly in place. Seeing the stubborn look on her face and trying to ignore the throbbing in his jeans, he gritted his teeth to suppress his desires. “Do you think you can just voluntarily decide you have a death wish?” he asked angrily. “Do you think you can just say, ‘I’m finished- to hell with destiny, to hell with who I am’? You don’t have it in you to be taken out by a vampire. It’s not who you are- it’s not what a Slayer is!”



Realizing a moment too late that he’d said the wrong thing, Spike briefly saw her chin quiver as she broke his hold and slammed her fist into his nose- again.



“I’m not the fucking Slayer!” she screamed as tears slipped down her cheeks, making his heart ache to take her in his arms. “Don’t you get that?! Maybe if I was one, you’d give me the time of day rather than treating me like a bratty kid sister or a girl to be fucked!”



“Buffy, I never-”



“And don’t even try and talk your way out of it. It was a mistake, remember?” she spat out, looking at him contemptuously as she threw his words back at him. “I’m too young! You’re so afraid of who you are or who you can allow yourself to be that you don’t even stop to think about what you could have.”



“I’m a vampire,” he said softly, trying to make her understand. “It’s not exactly written in the stars that demons get a happily ever after. It’s all about violence and death.”



“You’re such an idiot,” Buffy said, shaking her head and ignoring the tears that were falling freely. “Don’t you get it? Vampires may represent death to everyone else, but for me they mean life! Can’t you understand that?! They’re life…eternally. That’s what I was given by two of them and that’s what I’ve grown up with. Life and pain- that’s all I know and that’s all I’ll ever know as long as I stay around here!”



“What the hell are you talking about?” Spike asked in a softer tone, loosely grabbing her arm as she tried to walk away, tightening his grip when she moved to pull away from him.



“Let me go,” she said, struggling to break his hold on her.



“Not until you talk to me.”



“Fine, you want to know?” Buffy challenged, standing up straight to look into his eyes. “You’ll never have to see this mistake again!”



“What the bloody hell are you going on about?”



“I’m leaving. I’m getting out of here- away from this Godforsaken town and most of all, away from you!”



“Buffy-”



“Get your hands off me!” she screamed, renewing her struggle as he tried to pull her close, wanting nothing more than to fall in his arms, but feeling pain rush through her the closer she got to him. “I don’t want you touching me. God, don’t you see how much this hurts?” she asked tearfully. “Don’t you care that every time you come near me, it feels like you’re ripping my heart out all over again?” Finally freeing herself to step back and look at the shocked expression on Spike’s face. Seeing his watery eyes, Buffy stood in front of him trembling, wishing that she could make it all go away. Wishing that she could rewrite history and be a normal girl with normal problems. Wishing that she didn’t have to deal with the fact that she was in love with a man who was old enough to be her ancestor.



Turning on her heel and walking away, it took everything in her not to turn around when Spike called her name. He had no idea the agony that he caused her. He had no idea about the hundreds of nights that she had cried herself to sleep with her pillow muffling her sobs, because he couldn’t be hers and then cried even more when she realized that he didn’t want her.



“Buffy, don’t leave it like this, pet,” he called after her, watching after her until she was out of his sight.



Rubbing the back of his neck, Spike sighed heavily before letting his legs give out and dropping to the ground, allowing his hands to cover his face as he suppressed the tears he wanted to shed.



Why couldn’t she understand? Why couldn’t she see that if she was with him there would be nothing but sadness and pain? Feeling a tear slip down his cheek, Spike sighed when he realized that’s all he caused her anyway.



Feeling that the sunrise was approaching, he slowly got to his feet, deciding to wait and talk to her tomorrow after they’d both calmed down. He didn’t want to risk following her now and having to spend the day cooped up in the house, running the risk of getting thrown outside if it became too much for Buffy to handle. He didn’t seriously think she would do that, but there was no doubt that she was angry and she deserved a chance to cool off.



They both did.
 

Chapter 15:

Chapter 15 - Remembrances


Walking into her room, Buffy gritted her teeth as she looked around, surveying her surroundings. Biting her lip as she came to a decision, she dropped to the floor and reached under her bed, grabbing the large duffel bag from beneath it and tossing it on the mattress.

Trying to shut down the painful thoughts as she methodically walked around the room, gathering the belongings she wanted to take with her.

It was all too much. This town, her life…Spike. She just wanted to forget everything and actually get a chance to live for a change. A chance to walk around without having someone constantly checking up on her every hour.

Loading her clothes and other odds and ends into the bag, Buffy walked over to her dresser and dug around in a drawer until she found the simple white envelope. Double checking the contents, she breathed a heavy sigh as she looked at the neatly arranged bills. Her life savings.

Hesitating as she grabbed her bag, she felt her heart clench when she looked at the picture sitting on the dresser. It was taken the night that Spike was in a surprisingly good mood around the rest of the group. It had been a side of him that they had rarely seen, but it used to be his normal disposition when Buffy was around. Staring at the girl she used to be, she looked at the face that was giggling at the camera, blissfully content with the fact that Spike’s arms were wrapped securely around her waist and his chin was resting on her shoulder.

She didn’t want to take it. She didn’t want to have a remembrance of him.

She already had plenty of memories to remember him by.

Even if they weren’t of the good variety.

With a heavy sigh, she tucked the frame into her bag, securing it protectively between two of her shirts so it wouldn’t get broken before tossing the bag out the open window. Quickly climbing out, Buffy hesitated as she looked around the room. Knowing that she owed them some kind of explanation, she re-entered the house and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen before sitting down at her desk.

Wills & Tara,

I’m so sorry that it had to be this way, but I had to leave. I love you both and I hope you know that. I don’t want you to worry about me because I will be fine. Please believe me. I’ll call you...someday, but right now I just need to be on my own. I need to figure out who I am, and I can’t do that with everyone trying to tell me who I am. I know you’re probably thinking I’m too young, but I already know more about this world than most people do and I know I’m old enough to make it on my own. And please…don’t try to find me. Tell everyone that I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you and I never wanted to be a burden. Tell my father not to worry (even though we both know he will). And tell him I’ll be found when I want to be found. And tell Spike…tell Spike that I love him.

All my love,
Buffy

With a heavy sigh, Buffy folded the piece of paper once and placed it on the pillow before quietly slipping out of the house.

* * * * *

Spike couldn’t sleep. He had been at his crypt for hours, but Buffy’s voice was running continuously through his head and a nagging feeling was keeping him awake.

He felt as if he was losing something and he didn’t know what it was. The feeling wasn’t getting any better as the hours dragged on. In fact, he felt like he should be running out of the crypt, not caring whether the sun was shining.

Frowning when he heard the door open, he jumped out of bed, suddenly grateful that he hadn’t undressed when he’d arrived earlier.

Quickly scaling the ladder, Spike made it to the upper level and nearly knocked over Willow as she ran over to him.

“Whoa, Red. What’s wrong?”

“Buffy,” she said breathlessly, winded from her long run.

“What about Buffy?” he asked, suddenly becoming frantic with worry as the uneasy feeling hit him in the gut, full force.

“She’s gone,” Willow replied, still trying to catch her breath.

“Gone? Gone, as in…”

Wordlessly handing him the note, Spike skimmed over it, feeling his stomach tighten and a lump form in his throat as he finished reading.

And tell Spike…tell Spike that I love him.

“What do we know?” he asked, closing off his emotions as he began pacing through the crypt.

“That she came home at some point last night, apparently packed up some things, and stayed long enough to write a note.”

Spike felt as if his heart was going to explode with pain as her words from a few hours before came back to haunt him.

“I’m getting out of here- away from this Godforsaken town and most of all- away from you!”

“I didn’t think she meant now,” he whispered, looking at the dirt-covered floor in disbelief.

“What?” Willow asked in confusion.

“I thought she meant later,” he continued, not even remembering that the redhead was close to him. “For college or something. I didn’t…I didn’t think she meant she was going to leave now.”

“She told you?”

“We got into a fight,” he muttered, using all his strength to keep from falling over. “She said that she wanted to leave town. That she was going to get out of here. I just didn’t think she meant so soon.”

“Apparently she did,” Willow said softly.

Cracking his neck to try and ease some of the tension, Spike closed his eyes for a moment, trying to formulate some kind of plan.

“Try a spell,” he said after a moment, his eyes snapping open.

“A spell?” Willow replied, biting her lip.

“Locator spell, Red. You must’ve done them a million times.”

“Well…w-we would,” she said hesitantly, wringing her hands together nervously as she heard the mounting frustration in his voice. “B-but we kind of taught her how to counteract the spell…in case she was ever being followed. We thought…we thought it would be the best thing to keep her safe. We never imagined…”

“Bloody priceless,” he muttered, shaking his head.

“She said that she would be found when she wants to be,” Willow said softly. “I just can’t stand the thought of her out there all alone.”

“We’ll find her,” Spike said in a quiet tone.

Suddenly the feeling in his gut seemed to escalate. He wasn’t worried about Buffy surviving. Out of everyone he knew, she would be the one to endure whatever was thrown her way. Now came the bigger problem…telling Angel his daughter had disappeared.



 

Chapter 16:

Chapter 16 – When I Find Her...



Slowly walking into the Hyperion Hotel, Spike was suddenly wishing that he would have waited a little longer to tell Angel about Buffy.



‘Right,’ he thought with a scoff. ‘And then he finds out through one of his sources and wants to hunt you down…I don’t think so.’



“Spike?”



Turning toward the counter, he tried to offer the brunette a small smile.



“Cordelia,” he said, wanting to get on her good side since she might be the only level-headed one in the room after he delivered his news. “You look smashing. Love the hair.”



“Thanks,” she said, giving it a fluff as she walked around the counter. “I’m guessing you’re looking for Angel.”



“What gave it away?” he asked with a smile.



“The fact that you’re…oh my God, is it Buffy?” she asked, suddenly turning into a mother hen at the drop of a hat.



“Something like that,” he muttered, feeling his blood run cold when he heard the voice behind him.



“What about Buffy?”



Turning to face the other man, Spike took a deep breath.



‘Prepare for anything,’ he told himself.



“She, uh…she decided to take a little trip,” he said, hoping to mask the blow just a little bit. Ordinarily he would have loved to have seen his grandsire blow up, but when he was in firing range and when the news was this big, Spike wasn’t going to risk the chance of Angelus briefly emerging to fuel the rage.



“A trip?” Angel asked, raising an eyebrow as he walked down the remaining steps to stand in the lobby.



“Uh…yeah,” Spike offered weakly.



“Oh, for crying out loud!” Cordelia cried, throwing her hands into the air. “You’re telling us that Buffy ran away, aren’t you?”



“She what!?” Angel yelled, advancing on Spike only to be intercepted by Cordelia.



“Honestly, Angel, read between the lines,” Cordy said, rolling her eyes and looking at Spike. “He wouldn’t have made the trip here to tell you that she went on some little trip. He could do that by phone.”



“Where is she?” Angel growled, trying to get around Cordy to get to the blonde.



“Now, if I knew that, do you honestly think I would be here, staring at your ugly face?” Spike retaliated, his brows knit together as he restrained the urge to roll his eyes. He sure as hell wasn’t about to take his gaze off the man in front of him.



“What happened?” Cordy asked, keeping one hand firmly on Angel’s chest as she turned around to face Spike.



Unconsciously feeling Buffy’s note in the pocket of his duster, Spike wasn’t about to give it to him. Angel might be her father, but this was the last link that he had to his girl. Not to mention that he could still smell the slight trace of lotion that had been on her hands, making him want to find her even more and take her in his arms, never letting go.



“She went to go ‘find herself’, whatever that means,” he said with a sigh.



“Where do you think she is?” Angel asked, his eyes darkening as he watched the man in front of him, feeling Cordelia putting a subtle yet restraining hand on his arm.



Spike fought the urge to take a step away. Angelus was lurking too close to the surface for his taste. The soul was obviously doing little to restrain him, but he hoped that Cordelia’s presence would serve its purpose.



“I don’t know,” he said softly, taking a moderate amount of pity on Angel. The man couldn’t even see his daughter, even if that’s what he wanted. Now he didn’t even know where she was or if she was safe. Spike could feel the sorrow that Angel was feeling since it almost equaled his own. “Somewhere crowded,” he continued. “She said she wouldn’t be found until she was ready and she’d call Willow…someday.”



“Someday?”



“I’m just repeating what I know,” Spike replied, growing more frustrated by the moment. He wanted to find Buffy more than anyone and the tone of voice that Angel had, implying that Spike didn’t even care, was grating on his nerves. “If I knew more, if I knew how to get her back, I would.”



“A locator spell,” Cordy said with a smile, looking between both men. “We get Wes and Fred to work up a little bit of mojo, find her, make sure she’s safe and-”



“We’ve thought of that,” Spike interrupted, moderately surprised when Angel continued his thought.



“Willow taught Buffy how to counteract it. It was the safest plan in case anyone was ever trying to track her…I never thought that I would be the one who needed to track her,” he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose.



“We’ll figure something out,” Spike said in a quiet tone, looking outside as he desperately wished for Buffy to walk into the hotel.



‘And when I find her…’



* * * * *



Walking through the streets of Las Vegas, Buffy looked at the neon lights that seemed to be everywhere, causing an explosion of colors to decorate the night sky. After hitchhiking to Los Angeles, which wasn’t the smartest move, but she knew she was strong enough to take care of herself, she had gone to the bus station and bought a ticket for Vegas. She didn’t even want to be in her father’s city, but the idea of hitchhiking to another city wasn’t appealing.



A baseball cap had covered her long blonde hair, and she was fairly confident that she hadn’t been seen.



Buffy didn’t even want to be in Las Vegas- it was too close to California for her liking- but if she was going to be able to live off her money for a long time, she didn’t have the luxury of going wherever she wanted at the drop of a hat.



She’d found a small, cheap studio apartment. It was already furnished, but after she found a job tonight, she was hoping to start saving for a new bed. The apartment was fairly clean, but she shuddered to think what that mattress could be infested with.



Feeling paranoid, Buffy continued to look over her shoulder as she watched the people in the street. She knew that she couldn’t be ‘Buffy Summers’ anymore, and it could draw more attention than she wanted if she went back to ‘Elizabeth Angel’. She hated to think of the demons that could still be after her, even after all these years. Knowing that everyone would be searching for her, using one of the two names, Elizabeth Giles had been born. Buffy was close to Giles, but she knew that no one would ever assume she would take his name. It was time to grow up and start living for who she wanted to be.



It was time to start a new life.


 

Chapter 17 – Wherever She Is


One Year Later


Standing in the shadows, blue eyes narrowed as he watched the blonde exit the building. Her arms linked with a tall dark-haired man as they followed the rest of the group down the street. He watched her joking and laughing, without a care in the world. Obviously there wasn’t a thought in her head about the trouble she’d caused and the concern that everyone had for her.

And it pissed him off.

Spike had only one thing on his mind as he followed them down the strip- get to Buffy.

Now that she was so close to him, he was filled with a mixture of affection and rage. The part of him that had missed her and worried about her for over a year wanted to take her in his arms and reassure himself that she was alive and okay. Then there was the part that had worried about her and was now watching her laughing with her new friends, showing him the carefree side of her that he used to be privileged to. And this side of him was filled with anger at the idea that she didn’t seem to care that so many people were searching for her. The anger soon had him seeing red as that side won the internal battle.

Stalking after her, Spike anticipated their path, quickly cutting through an alley in time to intercept the group at the other end.

Watching as Buffy playfully nudged her shoulder against one of the men, his jaw clenched as he restrained the urge to bestow some violence on the unsuspecting group, needing a release for some of the tension. The demon in him screamed to come to the surface and prove who she belonged to, but he was barely able to keep an impassive look on his face as he watched them approach.

Leaning against the brick wall and crossing his arms over his chest, he waited for her to notice him.

Seeing the looks that the other women in the group were giving him, Spike ignored them as they passed. Tossing her hair over her shoulder, Buffy looked up with a bright smile on her face. It soon slipped away as her eyes widened when her gaze met his.

Coming to a complete stop before she had even reached him, Spike never tore his eyes away from her as the man she was with gave her a confused look.

“Everything alright, Liz?”

Narrowing his eyes at the name and the fact that another man was so close to her, Spike pushed away from the wall, slowly walking toward her like a predator.

“Yeah, Liz,” he said, venom dripping from his voice. “Anything wrong?”

“You know him?” the guy next to her asked.

“Old friend,” Buffy replied softly, tilting her head slightly to study Spike before a sardonic smile played on her lips. “Really old.”

Seeing Spike’s glare deepen, she felt her breath catch in her throat. She didn’t like that look. Especially when it was directed at her.

“Umm…you know what, guys? Why don’t you go on without me?” she said, breaking contact with the other man and taking a step back from the group.

“You’re sure?” one of her friends asked, looking between the two blondes in concern.

“Yep,” Buffy said, forcing a smile as she waved her friends away. “This shouldn’t take long. I’ll catch up with you later.”

Waiting until her friends were out of earshot, Buffy’s gaze never left Spike’s.

Not a moment had passed over the last year that he wasn’t present somewhere in her thoughts. He was a constant fixture in the back of her mind…and she hated it. She wanted to move on, she wanted to get over him and be normal and not pine after a vampire who didn’t want her.

But that didn’t stop her from wondering about him.

Now that he was standing in front of her, she had no idea what to do.

“Where’s my father?” she finally asked, crossing her arms over her chest, trying to look indifferent and not succeeding.

“With Cordy,” he replied, clenching his jaw in anger. “Following a lead and searching for you in New York.”

“Why aren’t you with him?”

“I’ve already been to New York. And apparently you aren’t there.”

Seeing a movement over Spike’s shoulder, Buffy’s eyes narrowed when she saw Aubrey standing there, slightly out of breath after her sprint to catch up with Spike.

Watching Buffy’s expression darken, he looked over his shoulder and noticed the Slayer. “Give us a minute,” he said to her, waiting until Aubrey walked a few feet away before turning back to Buffy.

“Why the hell are you here?” she asked angrily, not bothering to disguise the contempt in her voice.

“To take you home.”

“If I’d wanted you to find me, I would have called and told you where I was,” she hissed, glaring at him.

“I’ve been worried about you.”

“Really?” Buffy asked skeptically as she tightened her arms around her body, obviously trying to protect herself from the conversation, even if she couldn’t physically do that. Looking over his shoulder to see Aubrey, no doubt trying to hear their conversation from the distance, her anger only grew. “In between all the time that you’ve been fucking the new girl?”

“Buffy-”

Trying to walk past him, she narrowed her eyes when Spike grabbed her arm.

“If you’ll excuse me,” she said in a low voice, tightening her jaw as she looked at him. “I have a date.”

“The hell you do.”

“Don’t even try it,” she said in a deadly tone. “You think you can just jump back into my life and dictate where I go or who I’m with?” She smiled when she saw a brief flash of jealousy in his eyes before continuing, “You can’t. I’m a big girl now, Spike. I’m all grown up, and in case you didn’t notice, your newest toy is only two years older than me, so try the age thing on someone who buys it, because I really couldn’t give a damn about what you do anymore.”

Staying quiet as Buffy jerked her arm out of his grasp, Spike waited until she walked away before turning to the Slayer.

“Go back to the hotel. Don’t bother getting me a room- I’ll find a place to stay before sunrise.”

“I don’t know if I like that plan,” Aubrey said, jealous that the man she wanted to be with never gave her the time of day because of the little blonde who had willingly walked out of his life.

“Relax,” Spike said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “If the sun rises, I’ll just stay in one of the casinos. No chance of sunlight penetrating this city with all the artificial light around here to block it.”

“You sure you don’t want to just share a room with me?” she asked hopefully.

“For the last time,” Spike growled. “No. It’s not gonna happen.”

“Where will you be?” Aubrey called after him as he turned around and began walking down the street.

“Wherever she is.”




Chapter 18 – Drastic Measures


Walking through the club, Spike’s eyes flashed amber as he watched Buffy dancing. Her hips swaying seductively while her hands moved through the air, finding the beat of the music. He could see the men that were clamoring to be close to her and his rage was building to an inferno level.

As a sultry beat began, Spike threaded his way through the crowd, clenching his jaw when he noticed her movements slow down as she teased the men who were watching her. It took everything inside of him to not walk over and sink his teeth into her neck, showing these pillocks exactly who she belonged to. He had never felt so much regret than at that moment. He could have claimed her when he had the chance, and now he couldn’t even get close to her.

Not bothering to wait for an invitation, he stepped up behind her, securely wrapping one arm around her waist and pulling her against his chest. He could feel the tension in her muscles as she realized who was holding her, but she soon relaxed as Spike began moving to the seductive rhythm.

Buffy’s breathing became more erratic as she felt him grind his erection against her lower back, allowing her to feel exactly what she was doing to him. Letting his hands slip beneath her shirt and brush the flat muscles of her stomach, Spike smiled as his lips caressed her shoulder, enjoying the effect that he was having on her and the fact that she hadn’t pushed him away.

“What are you doing?” she whispered breathlessly.

‘Taking back what’s mine,’ he thought, deciding not to voice his possessive thought.

“Dancing,” he replied in a husky whisper as one of his hands slipped lower and rested on her hip.

“We really shouldn’t,” she said, closing her eyes, letting the sensations wash over her.

“Why not?” he asked, his lips once again kissing along her bare shoulder before nipping at the sensitive flesh, resisting the urge to let the demon come to the surface and mark her.

Realizing what she was doing and who she was practically doing, Buffy jumped away from him as if she’d been shocked.

Feeling the loss of warmth in his arms, Spike frowned, looking down at the young woman in front of him as she spun around to face him.

“No,” she said softly, her voice barely heard over the music. “You can’t do that,” she continued, the frustration evident in her voice. “You can’t just come here and expect me to…”

Trailing off, Buffy finally turned to walk away in frustration. Quickly catching up to her, Spike refrained from grabbing her arm, knowing that would be a good way to get a punch in the nose when her emotions were so close to the surface.

“Buffy! Come on now, stop,” he said, following her out the door. “You can’t just walk away from this.”

“What part of me walking away do you not understand?”

“We had a fight. It wasn’t our first and it was no reason to leave town,” he said, following her through an alley. “It doesn’t change anything.”

Spinning around to face him, Buffy suppressed the tears that wanted to make themselves known as she clenched her jaw. Anger was easier to control. “It changes everything, Spike!” she cried in frustration. “I don’t want you anywhere near me. Can’t you understand that? I wanted to be able to start a fresh life without worrying that I would never be enough for you, and then you just show up and…”

Buffy trailed off as she turned to walk away, leaving Spike to shake his head and follow her.

“No. It’s not that easy. We have something, Buffy. And maybe I was too scared to see it a year ago, but we have something. It’s not pretty, but it’s real, and there’s nothing either one of us can do about it. Like it or not, I’m in your life- you can’t just shut me out.”

“Why not?” she asked, whirling around to face him again. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“Not true,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “Don’t ignore this just because you’re not ready to face it.”

“Why?!” she screamed at him. “When you’re ready to talk about something, it’s okay? But when something happens between the two of us…when something life-altering happens to me, I should wait until you’re ready?!”

Spike’s expression softened as he tilted his head to look at her. “Life-altering?”

“My first time was up against the wall of your crypt after we’d had a fight. I think it’s safe to say that it was life-altering.”

“Buffy-”

“Oh, just shut up,” she said in frustration as she turned around to walk away.

“Is this a PMS thing?” Spike asked.

He never saw it coming. She grabbed the nearest thing that she could reach and hurled the full soda can at him, smacking him right in the face. Groaning in pain as his hand came up to stem the blood flow, Spike nearly growled at her.

‘Bloody hell, the chit has perfect aim for my nose, even when she’s throwing things at me.’

Watching him for a moment, Buffy took a deep breath, wanting to calm her raging emotions. “Spike,” she whispered. “I disappeared for a reason. Can’t you show me the same courtesy?”

“Courtesy?” he practically roared, standing up straight and forgetting about the throbbing pain in his nose as the blood continued to pour out. “Do you have any idea how worried we were about you? How everyone had to put everything on hold because of your thoughtlessness? You’re eighteen years old, Buffy. Seventeen then- do you really think that we would all just let you disappear and not worry about you?”

Looking down at the ground, Buffy sighed as a slight pout played on her bottom lip. “I’m sorry I ran off like that. But it was for the best.”

“Why?” he retaliated, taking a step closer to her. “To turn you into a jaded and cynical woman?”

“No,” she said, gritting her teeth before slowly looking up at him. “You did that all on your own.”

Taking several calming breaths as she turned and walked away from him, Spike squeezed his eyes shut in frustration. “Sod it,” he muttered, turning around and walking the opposite way, never noticing when she turned around.

Biting her lip as she watched him walk away, Buffy fought the fresh tears in her eyes.

He was right.

She was jaded and cynical.

Here she was, taking it out on him when it was all her fault. She had been the one to run away. She had been the one to start a new life and cut herself off from everyone she loved. Including the one person she still loved more than anyone.

* * * * *

It took Spike an hour before he calmed down and decided he could face Buffy without coming to blows. Finishing off his cigarette before walking into the apartment building, he quickly walked up the flights of stairs and resisted the urge to pound on her door, choosing to calmly knock instead.

Opening the door, Buffy’s eyes widened when she saw Spike standing on the other side. His head was tilted toward her as his eyes narrowed.

“Care to invite me in?” he asked in a cold voice.

“Not really, no,” she replied, crossing her arms over her chest, trying to show that she wasn’t intimidated by his tough guy act.

“I’m warning you, Buffy,” he said, tightening his jaw.

“Or what?” she asked with a smirk, feeling overly confident with the invisible barrier separating them. “There’s nothing you can do, Spike. Go home. I don’t want you here.”

Seeing the door slam in his face, Spike cracked his neck in irritation as he took a deep breath. Glancing around the hallway, he considered breaking the door down. Just because he couldn’t walk in didn’t mean that she could ignore him. Taking a step forward to do just that, Spike paused as another thought occurred, causing a slow smile to spread across his face. He knew that Buffy would be watching him through the peephole, wondering what his next move would be. Looking around the hallway once again, he shot a meaningful look at the door before turning around and knocking on the apartment door behind him.

Waiting for a moment, he could practically feel Buffy’s eyes boring into him when the woman answered. Spike flashed his most charming smile, the one designed to make anyone melt. “Elizabeth Giles?” he asked, tilting his head and continuing before she could correct him. “I was told that you were the best at what you do. What’s the hourly rate, luv?”

Suppressing the bright smile when the door swung open behind him, Spike slowly turned to look over his shoulder, seeing Buffy’s bright red face as she looked at her neighbor in mortification.

“I am so sorry, Mrs. Kendall. Spike was just kidding, weren’t you, Spike? Tell her,” she demanded, looking at him with contempt.

“I might have been,” he replied, raising an eyebrow at Buffy.

“H-he likes to play jokes,” Buffy continued, looking at her stunned neighbor with a nervous smile. “Get in here, Spike,” she continued, pronouncing each word carefully and seeing the satisfaction gleaming in his eyes.

Turning back to her neighbor, Spike gave her another smile. “She’s right, pet. I was only teasing, so don’t go worrying that pretty head about it, alright?”

Waiting until the woman relaxed before turning away, his gaze soon fell to Buffy, never taking his eyes off of her as he walked through the door to her apartment.

“How dare you?” she hissed, slamming the door behind her as Spike turned away and inspected the apartment. The small kitchenette to the left with the large island that acted as a table and a divider for the room. The living room, set in the back left corner of the spacious area, containing a couch, chair, small television and a coffee table. The bathroom in the other back corner. And the gauzy curtains that hung to his right, pulled back and revealing a large bed with a soft down comforter. The entire place practically reflected Buffy and who she was. He tried to ignore his growing desire as the combination of Buffy walking toward him and the bed that was so close to his right began to affect him. Everything was practically overwhelming him as her scent surrounded him.

Their first and only time had been so rushed and brutal. All Spike wanted to do was take her in his arms and ensure that she was there with him. That he had found her. That he could make love to her the way he wanted to for years.

“I asked you a question,” she said in a deadly tone, bringing him crashing back to reality.

“Drastic times call for drastic measures, Goldilocks,” he replied, turning to look at her. He suppressed the smile that threatened to form when she flushed and looked away under his gaze.

“I wouldn’t call a lack of an invitation ‘drastic’,” she replied, walking into the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water out of the refrigerator before slamming the door shut so hard that he could hear the bottles inside rattling from the force. Boosting himself up on the island, he eyed her up and down as she turned around and took a sip of her water.

“Aren’t you going to offer me anything to drink, pet?” Spike asked, running his tongue along his bottom lip as his eyes swept over her neck.

Suppressing the smirk when he saw her flush and look away, he quickly reached out and grabbed her wrist. Tugging her toward him in the narrow space, she was quickly situated between his legs, looking up at him with wide eyes.

“What is this?” she asked softly, breathing heavily as she looked at him. “Why are you doing this?”

Slowly lowering his head until his lips were nearly brushing against hers, Spike carefully watched her reaction as he spoke. “Maybe I think it’s time to do something about it,” he said in a husky whisper.

Realizing what he was saying, Buffy angrily pushed him away and walked out of the small area. “You’ve already done something about it,” she said angrily. “And you decided you didn’t want me, remember?”

“Did I ever say I didn’t want you?” he asked, hopping down from his seat and following her into the bedroom, ignoring the fact that she had pulled the curtains free of their ties to separate the rooms. As if a scrap of cloth would keep him away after he’d been searching the country for a year.

“What about Aubrey?” she asked, spinning around to face him with contempt in her eyes. “Isn’t she your newest toy?”

“Damn it, Buffy! I told you back then that there was nothing going on between us!”

“But she loves you,” Buffy whispered softly, biting her lip as she looked away, walking over to the window and hugging her arms around her body.

“How do you know that?” Spike asked, his tone softening as he watched her.

“Because she looks at you the way that I used to.”

“Used to?” he repeated, unable to keep the disbelief and uncertainty out of his voice.

“Just leave it alone, Spike,” she murmured.

“Fine,” he replied, taking another look around the apartment. “Where am I sleeping?”

“What?!” she yelled, spinning around to face him.

“You heard me,” he said with a smirk. “I thought you might want to keep me around.”

“You thought wrong,” Buffy practically growled, turning back to the window so that he wouldn’t see her face flaming red.

“Right then,” Spike said, walking toward the door. “I guess I’ll have to track down Aubrey, since she offered me a warm bed for the night.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet she did,” Buffy muttered, rolling her eyes.

Hearing the front door open and close, she bit her lip, thinking for a moment before turning to go after him. Swallowing a scream when she saw him leaning against the door, Buffy glared at the arrogant expression on his handsome face.

“Knew you wouldn’t let me go,” he said with a smile, pushing away from the door as he shrugged out of his duster and tossed it on the bed. “Looks like the bed is big enough for two.”

“I don’t think so,” Buffy said, shaking her head. “You’re on the couch, bleach boy.”


 

Chapter 19 - Connection


Spike couldn’t sleep. Not that it was entirely unexpected, considering the object of his every thought for the last year wasn’t even a room away- separated only by a piece of fabric.

He could hear everything.

Every time she sighed.

Every time she rolled over.

And every tear that she cried.

Unable to take it anymore, Spike stood up from the couch and walked through the apartment, wearing only his jeans. Running his hand through his disheveled hair as he pulled back the curtain separating the rooms, he could barely make out her figure as he looked at the bed. Illuminated only by the faint trace of sunlight that edged the heavy curtains, he felt his heart swell as he continued to stare at her small form.

Taking a few steps forward and putting his knee on the bed, he waited for her to tense up, but she remained relaxed, even as he put his full weight on the mattress, laying down next to her and running a comforting hand along her back.

He heard the tears and sniffles and slowly shifted his weight, pulling her securely against his chest. Glancing up for a moment, his eyes narrowed when he saw the picture displayed on her nightstand. The two of them looking blissfully happy with his arms wrapped around her waist.

They looked like a couple.

Studying the picture for a few more moments, his attention was pulled away from it when the scent of another tear slipping down her cheek turned his focus back to the woman in his arms.

“Buffy,” he breathed, nuzzling her hair as he waited for a response. Spike frowned when he heard the steady thumping of her heart, accompanying the tears that didn’t stop. His eyes widened when he realized that she was asleep.

‘Does she do this every night?’ he wondered, pulling her more firmly against him as he tried to soothe her. ‘And does she cry herself to sleep or start crying in her sleep?’

Gently raising the hem of her shirt, Spike let his hand cool the heated skin of her stomach, feeling himself grow hard at the breathy moan that she gave him.

“Spike?” she whispered in confusion, turning her head to look at him in the dimly lit room as she tried to pull herself from the dreamlike reality.

“It’s me,” he murmured, trailing his lips along the column of her neck.

‘What’s happening?’ Buffy wondered, closing her eyes and shaking her head at the feel of his lips caressing her skin. ‘This must be a dream. Spike doesn’t want me. Not really.’

But the soft kisses he was leaving on her skin and the downward spiral that his hand was traveling were telling her otherwise.

“What are you doing?” she asked breathlessly.

“Nothing you don’t want,” he said softly.

‘Damn him,’ she thought, gritting her teeth when she felt his fingertips slip under the waistband of the satin pajama pants, teasing the skin he came in contact with, but never falling any lower, even when Buffy unconsciously arched her hips, craving his touch.

“Missed you,” he murmured, closing his eyes as he breathed in her scent. “Missed you so much.”

She felt as if a fire was building inside of her. Silently willing his hand lower, she nearly gasped when it inched down a little bit more.

“Please,” she gasped.

Briefly considering teasing her for a moment, Spike decided that would only be a good way to get kicked out of her bed. Allowing his hand lower access, he grew painfully hard when he discovered how wet she was.

He could feel the heat radiating off her body as he slipped a finger inside of her, feeling her muscles automatically clamp around it. Suppressing a groan as his eyes rolled shut, Spike cursed himself for not taking it slower with her their first and only time together. For not taking his time and relishing in the feel of her as they moved together. For not committing every second of being inside of her to his memory. It had been a year and the memory of their time together wasn’t enough for him. He wanted more.

Of course, it wasn’t like he’d had much control over himself, their first time together, but the way she was responding to him, was nearly driving him crazy with lust.

Her reaction had been similar a year ago, but it was mixed with pain. The kind of pain that he never wanted to cause her.

‘Should have held back,’ he thought. ‘Should have given her a night she deserved instead of taking advantage of her.’ Closing his eyes as he kissed along her neck, trying not to notice the way her entire body seemed to arch against his hand, simultaneously baring the left side of her throat to his hungry gaze.

Fighting every natural impulse that was trying to battle its way to the surface, wanting him to sink his fangs into her jugular, he contented himself with letting his blunt teeth graze along the exposed skin that was offered. Sliding a second finger inside of her, he was soon rewarded with a gasp as her body shuddered in pleasure.

“Let it go, luv,” he whispered, smiling when his cool breath against her ear, combined with his hand working between her thighs, sent a shiver through her. “Just let it go.”

Feeling a sense of panic run through her when his fingers suddenly left her body, Buffy nearly screamed in frustration as they immediately brushed over her clit. Clutching at his arm, needing to find something to hold on to, her fingernails dug into his skin as her hips raised to meet his hand.

She knew she couldn’t hold off anymore when his fingers thrust into her again, letting his thumb gently run along her most sensitive spot. Turning her head toward him as her orgasm washed over her, she sought out his lips but couldn’t find them. Biting down on his arm to suppress a scream, she heard Spike groan in pleasure as he thrust his painfully hard erection against her lower back.

Gasping for breath as she slowly came down, she let her head fall back on the pillow as her body was trembling under his touch when he didn’t stop his movements.

“Too much,” she whispered, shaking her head and weakly pulling at his arm, breathing heavily when he didn’t stop. “Spike, I-I can’t.”

Her stomach clenching in anticipation when he abandoned his hold on her, Buffy’s eyes rolled shut when she felt him settle between her thighs, seconds before his tongue ran along her opening. Teasing her for a moment as her hands grasped at the sheets, she thrashed beneath him.

“Spike, I just ca…”

Trailing off with a cry of pleasure when he latched onto her clit, she arched her entire body against his mouth as he gently bit down, sending her spiraling into a second, more powerful orgasm, nearly blacking out when he didn’t stop his ministrations.

Reluctantly pulling away from her, after a long moment, Spike moved up her body, seeing her slowly open her eyes to look at him.

Slowly realizing what just happened, Buffy gently pushed him out of the way and quickly sat up, still shaking as Spike reached for her, pulling her against his bare chest.

“What is it, pet?” he asked, brushing her hair off her shoulder and leaving soft kisses along the column of her neck.

“Nothing,” she murmured, feeling dizzy under his tender, comforting touch. Shivering when he kissed the back of her neck, her eyes slowly opened as he began to brush the hair away from the other side of her throat. “No,” she whispered, letting the world come crashing back to her as she pulled away.

Standing up and pushing herself away from the bed, Buffy backed away from him, feeling her heart leap into her throat.

“What is it?” Spike asked, quickly getting up and crossing the room in concern.

“We can’t do this,” she whispered, stripping off her shirt and pants and quickly getting dressed in jeans and a tank top. Her movements were a blur as Spike watched her shake her head before she leaned against the wall. He watched as her hands traveled up to her temples, obviously trying to suppress the headache that was wanting to make itself known. “I can’t do this.”

“Alright,” Spike said with a nod, taking another step toward her. “It can wait.”

“No,” she murmured, biting her lip. “This can’t happen. Ever.”

Turning toward the door, wanting to get as far away as possible, she was surprised when Spike blocked her path, pinning her against the wall with a confused expression.

Barely able to keep himself from panicking, he tried to remember what happened to cause this kind of reaction. Looking over his shoulder at the bed, his brows furrowed in confusion. ‘She sat up, I kissed her neck, started to move to the other side and…’

His eyes widened for a brief moment before narrowing into dangerous slits. Angrily spinning around, he grabbed her wrists in one hand, using his body to pin her more firmly against the wall, gritting his teeth as he pushed her hair away from the right side of her neck. The same side that he now realized she had kept carefully concealed since he ran into her.

Clenching his jaw so tight that he was mildly surprised when it didn’t crack, he felt himself begin to unnecessarily breathe, the air flowing through his lungs with sharp gasps as he met her gaze. Buffy looked away, closing her eyes as Spike turned back to the scar on her neck.

The growl slowly filled the room, causing Buffy’s trembling to worsen as Spike’s demon emerged. “You’ve been claimed?!”



 

Next