Chapter 11


Buffy nervously walked into the over-decorated gym on Scott Hope’s arm. He
had been plaguing her with compliments since he had walked through the door,
and although Buffy thought it was sweet, it was very quickly grating on her
nerves.

‘I wonder what he would say if I told him I bought this dress for the hot
history teacher?’ Buffy thought with a small smile.

The black halter-dress was a little risqué for a high school dance, with a
high slit up one leg and a low-cut neckline. Not to mention the fact that
there was no back.

Buffy could see Spike standing across the gymnasium, wearing a pair of black
dress pants and a black button-down shirt. She felt her heart speed up
slightly when she noticed the unbuttoned collar, exposing a small portion of
his chest.

“This is nice, huh?” Scott asked, seeming more insecure than normal.

“Yeah,” Buffy replied, turning to him with a smile plastered on her face.
“Thanks for inviting me.”

She wasn’t lying. It really was nice to be here with a nice guy like Scott,
but her traitorous thoughts kept drifting to the man across the gym. The
same man who hadn’t even looked at her since she walked in the door. Buffy
knew that he was aware that she had arrived, since his stance had straightened
and his jaw was more rigid, but he never made eye contact with her.

“Would you like some punch?” Scott asked as everyone got situated around an
available table.

Buffy glanced up, seeing that Spike was still standing in the same place,
which also happened to be very close to the refreshment table. “Yeah,”
Buffy replied. “But why don’t you let me get it,” she finished, not really
giving him a chance to question her before taking off for the table.

Spike could see Buffy approaching out of the corner of his eye and casually
walked over to grab a cup from the table, taking a sip as he eyed her up and
down. He felt aroused and angry at the same time.

Buffy nervously glanced at him, offering a tentative smile as she reached
for her own cup. Spike took a step past her, so they were
shoulder-to-shoulder. “You shouldn’t be here with that wanker, the way you
look,” he muttered, causing Buffy to risk a glance at him. Spike met her eyes
and immediately regretted his tactless remark when he saw the hurt in hers.
Buffy turned to walk away when Spike stepped in front of her. “I didn’t
mean it that way.”

“I wore this for you, not him,” Buffy said softly before walking away.

Spike sighed, turning around to watch her as she approached her friends,
handing her date his drink.

‘Why do I feel threatened by this kid?’ Spike asked himself before shutting
his eyes in realization. ‘Because he’s a kid…he’s the same age as Buffy…the
age that she should be dating.’

Spike watched face light up with a smile at something Willow said as her date put his arm
on the back of her chair.

‘She deserves this,’ Spike thought, his brow creasing with the stress of the
situation. ‘I should end it. It would be the right thing to do.’

Even as he thought those fateful words, an image of Buffy’s body pressed
against his as they moved together flashed through his subconscious. He
couldn’t let her go. She already meant too much to him- whether it was
sexually or not, he wasn’t ready to analyze it. He just knew he didn’t want
to let her go.

* * * * *

Buffy avoided Spike for most of the night. She wasn’t mad at him about his
comment, but the situation would have been too awkward if her lover and her
date were both within close proximity of her.

Buffy hesitantly danced with Scott, trying not to focus on the awkward way
his body felt against hers. She felt like she was in Junior High again, with a strange boy awkwardly wrapped around her.

“I’ve had a really good time tonight, Buffy,” Scott said softly as they
moved in a slow circle.

Buffy pulled back to look at him, smiling softly. “Me, too,” she said. She
was surprised that she actually meant it. Although she would have preferred
to have been dancing in the arms of a certain blonde chaperone, she knew that
was an unrealistic dream. Scott was a nice guy, who went out of his way to
make sure she had a good time.

Nothing could have prepared her for the shock of his lips gently meeting
hers. Buffy tried to pull away without actually jumping out of his arms,
not wanting him to feel bad, but not liking the feel of someone else kissing her, either.

“I’m sorry,” Scott said with a soft smile. “Should I not have done that?”

“Scott, it’s not that I didn’t like it…it’s just I’m not looking to get
involved with anyone right now.”

‘Not entirely a lie,’ Buffy thought to herself.

“That’s okay,” Scott replied with a small shrug. “I guess that’s what I
expected.”

“Scott-“

“No, it’s okay,” he said as he backed away. “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll
head on out…unless you want me to make sure you get home okay.”

“It’s okay,” Buffy said with a wave of her hand. “I’ll take the limo back
with Willow and Xander.”

“Okay…I did have a really good time tonight.”

“I did, too,” Buffy said with a smile as he walked away. She hated hurting
his feelings, but she knew it was better this way. She definitely didn’t
want to lead him on and it wasn’t fair to whatever she and Spike had or might have together.

Buffy turned to scan the crowded gym looking for Spike and felt her heart drop into
her stomach when she saw him dancing with Jenny Calendar.

*I don’t owe you anything*

Spike’s words haunted her as she watched Jenny laugh at something he’d said.
His eyes met hers and she felt the familiar knot in her stomach that accompanied his gaze. Only this
time it wasn’t lust- it was anxiety. The look in his eyes made her feel
like she had been replaced…permanently.

Buffy felt the tears spring to her eyes as her lips tightened. She turned
and walked back to the table, saying a quick goodnight to Willow and Xander.

Buffy saw their linked hands casually resting on top of the table and felt a brief smile flicker on her lips, happy that her friends had each other.

“You don’t want to ride back with us, Buff?” Xander asked.

“I’m not feeling well,” Buffy replied, knowing it was the truth. “I’m just
going to call my mom.”

Buffy walked out of the gym, feeling her anxiety grow with every step she
took. Every step that separated her from the man she felt a natural pull toward.

* * * * *

Spike watched Buffy walk out by herself, and a deep frown settled on his
face. He noticed she didn’t walk out with her date, and he’d seen the look
on her face when she saw him dancing with Jenny. It must have mirrored the
look on his face when he had witnessed the kiss between her and Scott Hope.

Spike thought about going after her, but he didn’t want to draw any
attention to himself by leaving Jenny in the middle of a song. The last
thing he needed was for Jenny to see him confronting someone who was more
than a student. And he knew whatever he said to Buffy tonight, would only blow up in his face.

* * * * *

Buffy opened the door to the school office and switched on one row of
lights, illuminating a small section of the room in the glaring fluorescent glow
as she walked over to the phone. Hearing the door open behind her, Buffy
turned and felt her jaw tighten when she saw Riley Finn standing behind her.

“I’ve been watching you all night, Buff,” he said with a wicked smile as he stepped
closer to her. “And you haven’t even said hello to me.”

“Aren’t you here with Cordelia?” Buffy asked with a raised eyebrow.

“What of it?”

“I was just thinking that maybe you should be with your date, instead of
stalking your ex.”

“I just thought we could have a little fun,” Riley said with a grin.

“I think we had enough ‘fun’ while we were dating. Although, that’s
certainly not how I would describe it.”

“Come on, sweetheart,” Riley said, pinning her to the wooden counter and
angling his lips to kiss her. “For old times sake.”

“No,” Buffy replied as she turned her head, letting Riley’s lips come in
contact with her cheek. She could feel her heart begin to speed up, but breathed a sigh of relief when she heard the door open. She didn’t care who it was as long as she wasn’t alone with Riley Finn.

“Mr. Finn, back to the gym…NOW!”

Buffy briefly closed her eyes when she heard Spike’s voice. She certainly
wasn’t relaxing, as she expected to, when Riley walked out of the office.
Spike waited until he had disappeared through the double doors before
turning to Buffy.

“Is he another one of your ‘nothings’?” Spike asked with a raised eyebrow.

Buffy’s eyes burned as she held back her tears. Taking a deep breath, she
walked past Spike, out into the hallway, surprised when he caught her by the
arm.

“You never answered the question,” he said in a menacing tone.

Buffy jerked her arm out of his grasp as she pinned him with her own angry
gaze. “What do you care? You were busy.”

“Not as busy as you,” Spike countered, jealousy dripping from his voice. “Two men in ten minutes, and plans
with another one for later tonight? I’d say you’ve found your calling, pet.”

Spike regretted it the minute the words were out of his mouth. He watched
her carefully, noting how Buffy’s face stayed closed off, but her eyes
reflected all of the pain that she was feeling. She slowly turned and
walked toward the exit doors when she heard his voice.

“Buffy-“

“Don’t,” she said softly, her back still turned to him. “I know you meant
it- why take it back?”

‘But I didn’t,’ Spike thought, wanting nothing more than to hold the young
woman in his arms.

“And for the record,” Buffy continued, turning slightly to look at him over
her shoulder. “I told Scott I didn’t want to be with him. And as for
Riley…he was the first man to treat me like I was nothing…but obviously not
the last.”

Spike’s mouth opened slightly, wanting to call out to her as she walked out
of the building, but no sound came out. He felt remorse flood through him
as he realized what he’d said to her…and what she must be going through.


 

Chapter 12


Buffy made it two blocks before she heard footsteps behind her. She tensed,
praying that it wasn’t Riley as she turned around. She was only mildly
surprised to see Spike running toward her.

With a sigh, Buffy turned around and began walking again, pretending as if she’d never seen him.

“Buffy, pet, please wait!”

“Why?” Buffy called over her shoulder, never slowing down as Spike came up
behind her. “Oh, let me guess,” she said, when he turned her to face him. “You
thought of something else that was really hurtful to say and you didn’t want
to say it over the phone, because the funniest part is that look on my face
when I-“

“That’s not why,” Spike said, trying to catch his breath. “Should have
driven the soddin’ car,” he muttered under his breath.

Buffy rolled her eyes, turning away from him again, when she felt his hand on her arm. “Stop grabbing me!” Buffy yelled, wrenching her arm free and shoving him away from her. Spike immediately backed away, holding his hands up in a form of surrender.

He stared at her for a long moment, partly admiring her body that was carefully hidden in the dress and partly trying to figure a way out of this hole he seemed to dig for himself.

“You must be freezing, pet,” he said softly, wishing he’d worn his duster
that night so he could give it to her.

“I’m fine,” Buffy replied, tempted to turn away from him again but deciding against it. He obviously wasn’t going to let her go anywhere until he said what he had to say. “What do you want?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I didn’t mean what I said,” he whispered, trying to put as much feeling as
he could behind his words.

“Sure sounded like it to me,” she murmured, looking at the ground.

“Buffy, I swear I have never thought of you that way. Not once, pet. I guess I have a serious case of ‘foot-in-mouth’ disease.”

Spike could see her resolve slowly crumbling when a smile quirked her lips as he approached her, putting
his hands on her waist and tugging her forward. Buffy looked up at him, obviously still hurt, as his hands ran over her arms, trying to get some warmth back into them. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, never meaning anything more than those words. “I don’t want this to be the end.”

Buffy gave him a sad smile. “If we broke up every time we had a fight, we’d never stay together.”

Spike chuckled, his hands tightening around her waist. “So that’s it, then? We’re still together?”

“I don’t need you,” she whispered unconvincingly, trying to persuade herself to believe her own words as
Spike brushed his lips across hers.

“I know you don’t, luv,” he said softly, believing that she truly didn’t need him. “But I need you.”

Buffy raised her eyes to his, not sure if she understood what he was saying.

“Can we go back to my place?” Spike asked, dipping his head to kiss her bare
shoulder. “I want to show you how much I need you.”

Buffy took a shaky breath. “Is it always about sex?” she asked softly, not sure if she wanted to know the answer.

“Not always,” Spike replied, pulling her forward to wrap his arms around her in a comforting embrace. “And it doesn’t have to be tonight, if that’s not what you want. I just love spending time with you. If you wanted to stop at anytime, that’s fine with me. I’ll leave the decision up to you.”

Buffy felt her resolve fade away as her hands reached up to wrap around his
neck, pulling him down to her for a tender kiss. Spike pulled back after a
moment, feeling her trembling in his arms. “Are you okay?” he asked in
concern, tilting his head to study her.

“I am now,” Buffy whispered.

* * * * *

Buffy gasped as she walked into Spike’s house, seeing candles lit on every
surface, rose petals leading to the bedroom. “Spike,” she whispered. “How
did you do this?”

“A friend of mine was kind enough to help me out,” he said, stepping up
behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist as he began kissing her
neck.

“A friend who knows about us?”

“Somewhat,” Spike replied, never stopping the soft kisses. “He knows you’re younger and he also knows to keep his mouth shut, but he doesn’t know your name, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Who is it?” Buffy asked, practically melting into his embrace.

“Charles Gunn. I’ve known him for years,” he said softly. “How long do we have?”

Buffy turned around in his arms, a dazzling smile on her face. “All night,”
she whispered, brushing her lips to his in a gentle kiss. “My mom’s
expecting me to stay at Willow’s.”

“What if she calls Willow?”

“She never has before…but Willow would cover for me and then expect a very
juicy story from me at a later time.”

“And what would you tell her?” Spike asked with a grin.

“That I went home with an incredibly hot man and couldn’t resist his
advances to manipulate me,” she replied with a grin of her own.

Spike’s hands drifted over the soft material of her dress as he slowly
backed her toward the bedroom.

“What excuse did you tell your friend?” she asked, tilting her head to give
him better access to her neck.

“That I had a very special woman coming over and everything had to be
perfect…and to make himself scarce before I got home.”

“And he just readily agreed?” Buffy asked in a breathy voice as Spike
managed to unhook her dress, letting it fall to the floor.

“Well, I had to pay him a lot of…”

Spike trailed off as he got a good look at the woman in front of him. Clad
only in a pair of lace panties, she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever
seen. “You’re exquisite,” he said in a hoarse whisper as Buffy took her
hair down, letting the curls spill around her shoulders. He took a step
forward, unbuttoning his shirt as he walked. “The most beautiful sight I’ve
ever seen,” he said, letting his shirt fall to the floor.

Buffy let her hands trail over the muscles of his chest, her face glowing from the compliments. “I was just
thinking the same thing,” she said with a soft smile.

“I meant what I said, Buffy,” he whispered. “We don’t have to do this tonight.”

“I know,” Buffy replied, her hands never stopping their movements. “But what can I say?” she said with a smile and a shrug. “You’re my weakness.”

”I know the feeling,” he whispered, tilting her chin up to him, meeting her lips in a gentle kiss that
slowly escalated in passion. Buffy’s hands began working on his belt,
finally loosening it as Spike sat on the bed, removing the rest of his
clothes.

Buffy smiled as he pulled her onto his lap, his hands running along her back
as she mussed his hair. Spike raised an eyebrow. “Like the curls, do you?”
he asked with a smile. Buffy nodded as his lips captured hers again. “I’ll
remember that,” he whispered against her lips before turning and letting
her fall to the bed. She eagerly began moving, wanting to feel all of him
as he moved up her body. “We have all night, pet,” Spike said softly. “No
need to rush.”

Slowly easing her panties down her legs, Spike tossed them over his
shoulder, earning a giggle from Buffy as he parted her thighs, settling
himself between them. She bit her lip in anticipation, feeling a shock run
through her body when his tongue dipped inside of her. Buffy’s hands
immediately went to his hair, holding him to her as he continued to lavish
attention on her aching body.

Buffy felt her breathing escalate as Spike’s tongue swept over her clit,
before latching on and adding more pressure. Unable to stand it anymore,
she gave his hair a jerk, causing him to look at her in confusion.

“I need more,” she whispered desperately. “I need you inside me.”

Spike eagerly made his way up her body, burying himself inside of her with
one sharp thrust that sent Buffy into an instantaneous orgasm. He clenched
his teeth together, trying to hold off his own climax as her internal
muscles squeezed and fluttered around him.

Buffy gasped for breath as Spike began moving. “Nothing ever feels this
right,” she whispered as his eyes squeezed shut.

“I know,” he murmured, pressing his lips to hers. The kiss escalated with
his thrusting until Buffy’s hips were raising off the bed to meet his.
“God, how can you feel this good?” he groaned as his lips broke away from
hers. “You’re incredible.”

Buffy moaned as their hips rocked together. It felt like they’d been joined
for an eternity. On the other hand, it felt like only mere seconds. She
could feel the clenching in her stomach, signaling her impending release as
he grinded his body against hers.

Spike felt her nails begin to dig into his back and let a brief smile flash
on his face, loving that she was able to lose control with him. Loving the fact that he
was the only one that she would let inside of her heavenly body. That no one else could touch her. She was his.

“Spike!” Buffy screamed, arching her back as stars burst in front of her
eyes.

“Buffy,” he gasped, burying his face in her neck and letting his teeth graze
over the skin as he nearly exploded inside of her. Buffy shook violently as she slowly came down. “You okay,
luv?” he asked in a hoarse voice as he rolled onto his side, still
intimately joined as he tenderly caressed her face.

“Better than ever,” Buffy replied in a whisper, fighting to keep her eyes
open. Spike pulled her closer, letting her bury her head in his chest as he
closed his eyes in contentment.

“Get some rest, baby.”

* * * * *

Spike woke up early the next morning with aching muscles. He briefly
wondered what he had done the night before when he realized that Buffy was
curled in his arms. ‘Oh right,’ Spike thought with a soft smile. ‘She’s
what I did last night…several times.’

Spike sighed, briefly wondering how long this could last. He decided he
wasn’t going to worry about it right now. The time would come when he’d
have an answer to that question, but now he just wanted to be happy.
Leaving a gentle kiss on Buffy’s forehead, Spike closed his eyes, enjoying the wonderful feeling of her in his arms as she snuggled closer to him.

‘Besides,’ Spike thought, seconds before he drifted off to sleep. ‘Who says it can’t last?’

He knew there was about a million answers to that question, but he was asleep too fast to think of them.


 

Chapter 13


Spike walked through the hallway on his way to the cafeteria a week later.
He smiled when he saw Buffy walk into the library, busying himself for a few
moments before following her.

“Mr. Bradley,” Rupert Giles said with a smile. “What can I do for you?”

“I’m looking for some books on the Boxer Rebellion,” Spike said off the top
of his head.

“Back in the stacks,” Giles said. “Second row from the back. Would you like
me to show you?”

“No thanks, I’ll find them,” Spike replied, already heading to the very back
of the library.

He looked up and down each aisle, searching for Buffy as he approached the
back. He smiled when he saw her disappear around a corner, never having
seen him. Spike hurried to the following row, waiting around the corner and
grabbing her when she walked around.

Buffy gasped seconds before Spike’s lips crashed down on hers. She realized
who it was the moment his lips touched hers, letting her arms wrap around
his neck as his tongue stroked against hers.

Both were breathing heavily as they pulled apart. “Spike, what are you
doing?” Buffy whispered, looking around.

“I thought that was obvious,” Spike said with a grin, pulling her closer to
enjoy the feel of her body against his.

“What about Giles?” she asked softly, closing her eyes as his lips trailed
along her neck.

“He’s fine,” Spike said, letting his tongue sweep along her pulse point,
smiling as Buffy trembled in his arms. “But I shouldn’t stay very long.”

“Just some stolen kisses?” Buffy asked with a smile as Spike pulled back to
look at her.

“That’s about right,” Spike said with his own smirk before his lips met hers
in a passionate kiss.

Buffy pulled back after a moment. “Can I come over tonight?” she whispered
hesitantly.

Spike’s eyes lit up at the request. “Of course you can, sweetheart,” he
said softly. “Are you sure you can get away?”

“Mom’s going out of town on some art-buying excursion. She’ll be back on
Sunday.”

“So I get the whole weekend with my girl?” Spike asked with a smile.

“If that’s me, then you do,” she said quietly.

Spike brushed a kiss across her forehead as Buffy’s eyes closed at the
tenderness of the moment. “You know that’s you,” he whispered, trailing his
hand along her cheek. “I better go before Giles comes to check on me.
Come by whenever you can, okay?”

Buffy nodded as Spike gently took her chin in his hand, tilting her head up
to brush his lips across hers. She watched as he turned around and walked
through the stacks.

Spike found three books on the Boxer Rebellion and selected two before
making his way back to the front of the library.

“Did you find everything you needed?” Giles asked as he scanned the books.

“It took me a while, but I finally found them,” Spike lied with a sheepish
smile.

“Did you see Buffy back there?”

Spike raised his eyes to encounter the older man. ‘What’s he asking?’

“Um…I saw someone, but I didn’t pay attention to who it was,” Spike replied,
hating the hesitancy in his voice.

“Yes,” Giles said softly, studying the man in front of him. “Well…enjoy
your books.”

“I’ll do that.”

Spike took the books, walking out into the hallway with a distant
expression. ‘Does he know anything?’

* * * * *

Buffy slipped inside Spike’s house later that night. He’d left the back
door open for her, in case any neighbors were being particularly
inquisitive. She frowned when she saw him sitting in the darkened living
room, a bottle of vodka in his hand.

Buffy could barely make out his form sitting in the chair as she walked
toward his silhouette. “Spike?” she asked tentatively. He’d been unusually
quiet in class today, and Buffy was beginning to get nervous.

“Spike, what’s wrong?” Buffy asked, setting her bag down and walking toward
him.

“Go home, Buffy,” he said in a slurred voice.

“What?”

“You heard me,” Spike practically growled. “Get out.”

“Spike, what happened?” Buffy asked, feeling her heart pounding in her
chest as she took a hesitant step forward.

“We’re getting sloppy,” Spike said, standing up and taking a huge swallow of
the hard liquor. “This can’t continue.”

Buffy felt tears burning her eyes as she looked at him. “Do you really mean
that?” she whispered.

Spike looked away, not wanting to see the pain in her eyes as he nodded.

Buffy swallowed her tears as she backed away. “Fine,” she replied, grabbing
her bag. “I’ll see you around.”

Spike closed his eyes when he heard the door slam behind her. Taking a deep
breath and clenching his jaw, he turned and smashed the bottle against the
wall.

* * * * *

Buffy lay in her bed later that night with tears streaming down her face.
Her sobs hadn’t stopped since she walked through the door hours ago. She
jumped when she heard the loud knocking on the door, not bothering to dry
her eyes as she walked down the stairs. Buffy was surprised when she saw
Spike standing on her front porch, his bloodshot eyes taking in her
appearance. She immediately wrapped her arms around her body, retreating into herself.

“Baby,” he whispered, walking into the house and closing the door behind
him. “I’m sorry.”

Buffy watched him as her tears continued to fall. “For what?” she said softly,
not wanting to believe that he was really wanting her back.

“I got scared…I thought…”

Spike trailed off, unable to follow his thoughts that were racing through his head.

“Well, thanks for clearing that up,” Buffy said with a cold voice as she
stared at him, tightening her arms around her body. “You’ve made it pretty clear.”

“I shouldn’t have told you to leave,” he whispered. “We’re going to have to
be more careful.”

“That’s if I decide I even want to continue this,” Buffy replied, crossing
her arms over her chest.

“I deserve that,” Spike said, looking away from her.

Spike jumped when he found Buffy sobbing in his arms, her face pressed against his chest,
his arms immediately closing around her. “You can’t keep doing this to me, Spike,” she whispered,
her tears being absorbed by his shirt. “It hurts too much.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, running his fingers through her hair. “I
shouldn’t have gotten drunk tonight.”

Spike knew it was a flimsy excuse. After all, the real problem was still
boiling below the surface, but he could ignore it…for now.

“Will you hold me?” she asked softly, pulling him gently up the stairs.

Spike nodded as they walked into her room. He watched as Buffy curled up on
her bed, her eyes wide as he took off his shirt before lying down next to
her, smiling softly when Buffy curled into him. It felt as if she was trying to burrow into his body, seeking comfort.

Both soon fell asleep, exhaustion taking precedence as they took reassurance in
each other.
 

Chapter 14


Buffy gasped for air as Spike rolled away from her. Both lay still for
several moments before she propped herself up on her elbows, looking around.

“We missed the bed again,” she said with a smile as Spike looked over at his
bed with a chuckle.

“Lucky for the bed.”

Buffy giggled as she curled up next to him, relaxing when Spike’s arm
wrapped around her shoulders, stroking her skin.

Spike brushed his lips along the top of her head. “Christmas is coming up,”
he said softly.

“I’m aware of that,” Buffy said with a smile, propping her head up to look
at him. “Considering I’m out of school and everything.”

Spike tickled her, enjoying the giggle that came from her as she squirmed in
his arms. He gently pushed the hair away from her face, looking into her
emerald eyes as he smiled. “Will I get to see you?” he asked softly.

“I hope so,” Buffy replied, her gaze traveling from his eyes to his chest as
her hands traced erratic patterns on his skin. “My dad’s supposed to take
me out to dinner on Christmas Eve…I can probably come by after.”

Spike tilted his head as he looked at her. “Have you seen your dad since he
moved out?”

Buffy shook her head slowly. “A phone call once a week…that’s it.”

Spike’s brow furrowed as he looked at her. “You okay, luv?”

“Fine!” Buffy said with a bright smile as she stood up. Spike admired her
naked form for a moment before realizing what she was doing. Jumping up
from the floor, his arms went around her waist, pulling her against his
body.

“It’s okay if you’re not ‘fine’, baby,” he whispered, gently kissing the
side of her head as he held onto her.

Buffy sighed, leaning into his embrace. “I just miss him sometimes,” she
murmured, biting her lip.

“I know,” he said softly, tightening his hold on her. “I’m sure he misses
you, too.”

* * * * *

Spike tilted his glass of scotch to his lips, savoring the way it glided
down his throat, when he heard a soft knock on the door. He glanced around
the house, satisfied that everything was in place. It was Christmas Eve, and
he’d built a fire in the fireplace and turned on the tiny lights on the
tree, letting them be the only things that lit the room, giving it a
romantic glow. Spike smiled when he went to answer the door, his smile soon
fading when he saw Buffy standing in front of him with red eyes, fresh tears
threatening to spill over.

Spike quickly pulled her into the house, wrapping his arms around her as she
cried into his chest. “What’s wrong, luv?” he asked softly, letting his
hands soothingly run through her hair.

“He didn’t show up,” Buffy said in a choked voice as Spike pulled back to
cup her face in his hands.

“He didn’t…”

Buffy sniffled as she blinked back more tears. “He didn’t even call,” she
whispered, biting her lip.

“I’m sorry,” Spike said softly.

Buffy shrugged as she took off her coat. “I don’t know why I’m
surprised…it’s not like he ever made an effort when he was living in the
same house. Why would I think he would want to see me after he moved out?”

“Buffy-“

Spike was silenced as her lips gently caressed his as her hands worked on
his shirt. Sliding it from his shoulders, Spike watched her carefully.

“We don’t have to do this tonight,” he said softly before she placed a
finger on his lips, silencing him.

“Make love to me, Spike,” she whispered, bringing his hands to her body. “I
want to forget about tonight…I just want to be with you.”

Spike gently kissed her while his hands unzipped her dress, letting the
fabric fall to the floor as Buffy removed the rest of his clothes. Spike
picked her up, carrying her into the living room and laying her on the rug
in front of the fireplace.

Buffy eagerly pulled him on top of her, her breathing speeding up as he
slowly slid into her. Spike’s lips met hers in a tender kiss as he began
moving with long strokes, pulling completely out of her before pushing back
in.

Her arms wrapped around his neck as he buried himself inside her again and
again. Their eyes stayed connected as Buffy’s hips lifted off the floor to
meet his thrusts. She tried to convey all of her emotions as they moved
together.

‘I love you,’ she thought, fresh tears glistening in her eyes. ‘I love you
so much, and I don’t know how to tell you. I don’t know how you’ll react.’

Spike wiped her tears away, kissing her again as he grinded his hips against
hers. The kiss intensified as their movements sped up. Buffy could feel
her muscles begging for release, her hands drifting to his hair and tugging
on it gently.

Spike moved faster, knowing she was seeking out her climax. He plunged into
her, barely able to control himself when her muscles tightened around him.

“Spike,” Buffy said in a breathy voice as she clung to him, her muscles
clenching and unclenching around him as her back arched. Spike held her
body to his, her climax triggering his own as he pulsed deep inside of her.

Buffy felt her body tingling as he gasped for breath, staring into her eyes.
Slowly, he left a soft kiss on her lips. Buffy kissed him back with equal
tenderness, trying to convey all of her emotions to him through the simple
gesture.

After a few minutes, Spike pulled away, smiling at the whimper that he heard
when he separated himself from her. “You ready for your Christmas present,
luv?”

“I thought that was it,” Buffy replied with a coy smile.

“That was the first one,” Spike said with his own smile as he stood up and
grabbed a box from under the tree.

“Can you bring me my coat?” Buffy asked.

Spike frowned but walked over and grabbed her coat. “Are you cold?” he
asked in concern.

Buffy took it from him while shaking her head. “Not with the fire,” she
said with a smile as she reached into the pocket, pulling out a box of her
own and handing it to him.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Spike said softly, sitting down next to her
and giving her the other small box.

“Yes, I did,” Buffy replied, giving him a soft kiss before turning to her
gift. Tearing away the paper and opening the box, Buffy gasped when she saw
the ring. It wasn’t an engagement ring- she probably would have passed out
if it had been. It was a beautiful white gold band, inlaid with tiny
diamonds all the way around.

‘It’s an eternity band,’ Buffy thought, looking at Spike in shock. ‘Does he
know what it is, or did he just like it?’

“I thought it would look good on you,” Spike said, giving her a soft kiss.

‘That answers that question.’

“It’s beautiful,” Buffy murmured, slipping it onto her right hand, not
wanting him to think she got the wrong impression from the ring. “You
really shouldn’t have gotten something so extravagant.”

“You either,” Spike replied, looking at the expensive watch that he was
holding.

“You’re worth it,” Buffy said with a smile as Spike kissed her again. She
slowly pulled away, looking at the ring again.

“I wanted to give you something special,” Spike said softly, wrapping his
arms around her and pulling her onto his lap. “I wanted to show you how
special you are to me,” he whispered, nuzzling her neck.

Buffy closed her eyes, leaning into his body, wanting desperately to tell
him how much she loved him but knowing that now wouldn’t be the right time.
Tonight was a night to enjoy being together, not to bring up topics that
could have an unexpected outcome.




 

Chapter 15


Buffy quietly slipped into Spike’s classroom after school, giving him a soft
smile when he looked up at her.

“I thought you were going home,” he said softly as he approached her,
wrapping his arms around her waist.

“I missed you,” Buffy whispered, her fingers trailing along his chest.

It had been two weeks since they’d last seen each other. Buffy’s dad had,
apparently, wanted to make it up to his daughter for standing her up on
Christmas Eve and taken her to Los Angeles for New Year’s. Little did he
know that Buffy felt as if she was being held hostage, not being able to see
Spike again until school started. It had been torture trying to sit through
his class when all she wanted to do was have his hands on her.

“I figured we could have a tutoring session,” she said with a grin, reaching
for his belt.

“That’s the best idea I’ve heard all day,” Spike replied with a smirk as he
unzipped her pants.

“It better be the best idea you’ve heard since you last saw me,” Buffy said
with a raised eyebrow.

Spike chuckled as she gave him a small pout. “You’re my girl, you know
that.”

“I do?” she asked softly, obviously insecure with his feelings.

Spike leaned forward, brushing his lips against hers in a tender kiss. “You
should know,” he whispered. “Have I not shown you that it’s only you?”

Buffy smiled, pulling him to her for a more passionate kiss as they backed
up to his desk. “I thought we weren’t going to do this here,” he whispered
against her lips.

Buffy slipped her pants and thong down her legs, never breaking eye contact
with him. “That was before I was forced to leave for two whole weeks,” she
said with a smile.

Spike felt his breath seize in his throat as she turned around, bracing her
hands on the desk and giving him a seductive look over her shoulder. He
knew they shouldn’t be doing this in his classroom, it was too risky, but
stopping was the furthest thing from his mind at this point.

Spike quickly unzipped his pants, letting his hard cock spring out before
grabbing her hips. Buffy pushed against him, aching for his touch after
their time apart. He slid into her in one thrust, burying himself within
her body as his arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer to him as
she adjusted to his size.

“I’ve missed you, baby,” he whispered, pulling out completely before
plunging into her with a force. Buffy cried out in pleasure as Spike’s hand
covered her mouth. Never stopping his movements, Buffy moaned, pushing
against him.

“You have to be quiet,” he said softly, his eyes rolling shut as she grinded
herself against him.

Spike’s hand abandoned her mouth as he pushed into her. Buffy straightened
until her back was against his strong chest. She gasped for air as Spike
tried to control his movements, but to no avail.

“You’re so wet, luv,” he whispered, kissing the back of her neck.

“For you,” Buffy moaned. “Only for you.”

Spike nearly lost control, pumping into her, his hands biting into her hips
in a crushing hold.

“Harder,” Buffy gasped.

Spike squeezed his eyes shut but obeyed her request, ramming into her with
so much strength he was starting to get scared that he was hurting her. If
Buffy’s soft moans of pleasure were any indication, he wasn’t, but he was
still careful.

“Come for me, pet,” he said in a husky whisper, trailing kisses along her
neck, his hand reaching around to stimulate her clit. Buffy’s eyes flew
open, her hand pressing against his, holding him to her.

“I need more,” she whimpered, her voice filled with uncertainty.

Spike paused for the briefest of seconds before letting his teeth graze over her exposed neck. Buffy gasped, tilting her head and letting her hair fall away from her neck, to give him better access. Spike didn’t hesitate at the obvious invitation, biting down on the tender flesh, hard enough to leave his mark on her.

Buffy’s body began to shake with her orgasm, her inner muscles clamping down on him with surprising strength, sending Spike into his own climax. Both nearly collapsed on the desk as the pleasure washed over them. Spike’s
hands slowly loosened their hold from her body. Their breathing evened out as Spike kissed her shoulder, nuzzling the fresh mark on her skin and feeling a strange sense of pride.

Slowly pulling out of her, Spike straightened, zipping his pants while Buffy
straightened her clothes. Both froze when they heard a faint knock on the
door.

Spike felt his breath quicken again, only this time in fear. Slowly
approaching the door, he opened it to reveal Rupert Giles.

“Mr. Giles…what can I do for you?”

“I was wondering if you have a moment…”

Spike tilted his head slightly as Giles trailed off, looking over Spike’s shoulder.

“If I’m interrupting something…”

Spike felt his heart nearly stop in his chest, an array of thoughts flying
through his brain as he turned around to face Buffy. He breathed a sigh of
relief when he saw her sitting at one of the desks, her history book and
notes scattered around her. ‘Good girl,’ he thought, his shoulders nearly
sagging with gratitude when he noticed her hair was now covering her neck.

“No,” Spike said, turning back to Giles. “We were just finishing up. Why
don’t we talk in the hall?” Spike turned to Buffy, giving her a small smile
when she looked up at him. “Miss Summers, why don’t you get your things
together. I’ll talk to you later.”

Buffy nodded like a good little student as Spike walked into the hallway,
closing the door behind him.

“Mr. Bradley, I need to speak to you privately. It’s a matter of some
importance.”

Spike felt his second mini heart attack course through him. “So talk.”

“I can’t discuss it here. Perhaps when you finish up with Miss Summers.”

Spike nodded, his brow furrowed as Giles turned around, walking away from
him. He quickly turned, making his way back into the classroom, where Buffy
was standing with her bag.

“What happened?”

“He wants to talk to me later.”

“Oh,” Buffy said with a small smile. “That’s good then, right?” she asked,
wrapping her arms around his waist.

Spike pushed her away. “No, it’s not ‘good’,” he replied. “In fact, when a
teacher doesn’t want to discuss something in the hallway, it’s very, very bad.”

“Spike, you’re overreacting, he probably just needs your help with
something.”

“And if I’m not wrong?” Spike challenged. “What if he suspects something,
Buffy? I could get fired. Fuck, I could go to jail!”

“You’re not going to get fired and you’re not going to go to jail,” Buffy
replied, trying to calm him down. “I’m eighteen in a few days, and
everything will be fine.”

“You don’t get it, do you?” Spike asked, his eyes flashing. “This is
illegal, Buffy!”

“And it has been since it started in September,” Buffy replied, crossing her
arms over her chest. “It’s different, Spike. We’re not doing something
because it’s ‘illegal’. It doesn’t apply to us. It’s not the same.”

“Buffy, grow up!” he spat back, realizing his mistake.

Buffy tightened her jaw as she fought the emotions going through her.
“Fine,” she said softly as Spike closed his eyes, inwardly cursing himself for his
thoughtless remark. Buffy grabbed her backpack off the ground, walking
toward the door when she felt Spike’s hand on her arm.

“I didn’t mean that.”

“I think you did.”

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I’m just stressed out and I didn’t mean to take it
out on you.” Buffy finally turned to look at him as he continued. “Will
you come over tonight?” he asked with a pleading quality in his voice.

“Are you sure you want me to?” she asked softly, deciding to forgive him for his foot-in-mouth moment.

“I am.”

“Then I’ll be there.”



 

Chapter 16


Spike paced around his living room, desperately wanting to get drunk. Now
wasn’t the time. Buffy was coming over, but Spike’s thoughts were on Giles.
The older man’s words were haunting him.

*There have been some inquiries about your relationship with Miss
Summers…people are starting to suspect something.*

Spike shut his eyes, feeling his stomach churn as he remembered telling
Giles that there was nothing to suspect. Giles had then told him the two
words that shook the very foundation of everything that he lived with.

*I know.*

The tone had implied that he wasn’t agreeing with what Spike had said.
Giles knew exactly what was going on but was kind enough to give Spike the
benefit of the doubt and let him have fair warning that other people were catching on.

*Miss Summers is a strong-minded individual. I know that she would never
let herself be taken advantage of. However, I feel compelled to warn you
that some teachers are alarmed and they are prepared to take their concerns
to Principal Snyder.*

“Bugger it,” Spike growled, grabbing a bottle of whiskey off his bar and
taking several long swallows. He knew what he had to do. He just didn’t
know if he could do it.

“Spike?”

Spike turned and felt his heart tighten when he saw Buffy standing in his
living room with a concerned look on her face.

“Is something wrong?”

Spike crossed the room in three long strides, taking Buffy in his arms and
crushing his mouth to hers. She gasped but quickly adapted to his
advances, wrapping her arms around his neck and parting her lips.

Spike gently picked her up, never separating his lips from hers as he
carried her to the bedroom. He couldn’t do this if he didn’t get to say
good-bye- physically. He needed one more time being inside her. One more
moment of her breathy voice, whispering to him. One last memory of
completion before it was ripped away from him forever.

Buffy helped him as he slowly stripped both of them of their clothes. He
took a step back, admiring her naked body while easing her toward the bed.
Buffy smiled when he crawled the length of her body, resting his hips
against hers while his lips met hers in a tender kiss.

Buffy gasped when she felt him enter her. Spike let his head fall to her
shoulder, trying to suppress the tears in his eyes when he began thrusting
with her. Their bodies moved fluidly as one.

“Spike, are you okay?” Buffy whispered, breathing heavily as he grinded his
hips against hers.

“Right now?” Spike asked, pulling back to look at her. “This
minute…everything’s the way it should be.”

Buffy smiled at the sentiment, brushing a tender kiss to his lips as his
thrusts became stronger. Her breathing escalated once again, her hands
clutching at his back, letting her nails drag along his skin.

“Spike,” she whispered, her eyes shut as she lifted her hips to meet his.
“I need to come.”

Spike was barely able to stop the tears that came to his eyes, knowing that their
time together was almost over. Her muscles tightened around him, seconds
before stars burst in front of her eyes. Spike held her trembling body to
his as she screamed his name. His movements never stopped, even as he
emptied himself in her welcoming body.

Buffy knew something was different, but she couldn’t figure out what it was.
She didn’t have time to think about it as a second, more powerful orgasm
exploded through her body. She gasped for breath as Spike’s movements
slowed to a stop. His lips sought out hers in a desperate kiss, his hand
reaching up to run through her silky hair.

The couple lay together for several minutes, Buffy enjoying the warmth and
comfort he provided, Spike fighting back his emotions.

Buffy sat up after a moment, searching for her clothes.

“What are you doing, luv?”

“I’m sorry, baby,” she whispered, turning back to him and leaving a gentle
kiss on his lips before getting dressed. Spike felt his throat close up at
the endearment. “I need to get home. I have a lot of homework to do…most of
it for your class,” she added with a smile as she put her shoes on and
smoothed her hair. “And my mom wants to see me, I think she missed me or…”

Buffy trailed off, her smile fading when she noticed Spike wasn’t
smiling. He simply got up and pulled his jeans on before pacing the room.

Then it suddenly hit her like a ton of bricks: Giles saying he needed to
talk to Spike. Spike drinking from the bottle of whiskey when she showed
up. The different feeling she had when they were making love…it felt like
good-bye.

“Spike,” she whispered, fighting the urge to sit down. “What’s going on?”

Spike didn’t say anything as he set his gaze on the far wall, his eyes unfocused and glassy.

“Does this have something to do with what Giles said to you earlier?”

Buffy was soon becoming frustrated that he wasn’t even looking at her.

“Was that good-bye?”

Spike’s eyes snapped to hers, giving her the answer she dreaded.

Buffy felt her body begin to shake as she backed away from him. “Oh my
God,” she whispered, her eyes becoming unfocused as Spike followed her into
the hall.

“Giles knows,” he said softly, battling his tears. “Other teachers are
suspecting something…they’re about to go to Snyder.”

“So we’ll be more careful,” Buffy said desperately, fisting her hands in his
shirt. “We’ll do better.”

“We can’t,” Spike said in a choked voice as he shook his head, his heart aching. “There’s too
much at risk…your future, my job, not to mention jail time.”

“But…but you needed me…”

“I’ll always need you,” he whispered, letting his tears fall before giving
her a tender kiss. “I’m sorry I got you into this.”

“No,” Buffy said, shaking her head. “Don’t say that, this doesn’t have to
be over, Spike. Please don’t say that after everything…”

Spike swallowed hard as Buffy began sobbing. He closed his eyes, trying to steady his breathing.

“It has to be,” he whispered, running his hands along her arms in a soothing gesture that obviously wasn’t having any affect. “I’ll take you home, okay?”

“I don’t want to go home,” she said softly, breaking away from him and walking toward the door. “And I
don’t want you taking me anywhere…I’ll walk.”

“Buffy-“

“No! I don’t get a choice in anything you do, so you don’t get a choice in
what I do.”

Buffy’s strength soon faded as her emotions took over again.

Spike turned away, standing in the doorway of his bedroom, not wanting to
see her walk through that door.

“So that’s it?” she asked, her heart breaking. “It’s over? I give you
everything I have and…and it’s still not enough.”

Spike longed to take her in his arms. To erase this moment forever. To
assure her that it was enough, that it would always be enough…but he
couldn’t.

“You’re willing to throw away what we have just because…”

Buffy trailed off with a nod, her mind turning over every possibility. She had
to tell him, she couldn’t walk out of his life without him not knowing.
‘What have you got to lose, Buffy?’ she asked herself.

“Spike…I love you.”

Spike’s hand gripped the doorframe to support himself. The pressure under his hand was so strong, he was mildly surprised that it didn’t crack with the force. “No, you don’t,” he replied through gritted teeth, needing to stay strong. Needing her to be able to move on with a clean slate, even if that was the last thing he
wanted.

“You think I haven’t tried not to?” Buffy asked, tears streaming down her
face.

Spike turned to face her, his heart breaking at the anguish he was causing
her. “Try harder,” he said in a choked voice.

‘What have you got to lose, Buffy?’ she asked herself again. ‘Everything.’

Buffy turned and walked through the door not bothering to close it behind
her.

Spike watched her turn and walk away…walk out of his life. There was no
going back. There was no changing it. She was gone. Spike quietly shut
the door, walked down the hall and into the bathroom before spending the
next half hour emptying his stomach.

 

Chapter 17


Buffy walked into her history class with trepidation. She had talked her
mother into letting her skip the rest of the previous week, saying she was
sick. It wasn’t far from the truth. Now she had to face up to a part of
her life and try to put it behind her. She knew she wouldn’t be able to
accomplish that in one day, but she had the rest of the school year to come
to terms with her feelings. Unfortunately.

Buffy walked through the doorway, feeling Spike’s eyes on her immediately.
She avoided him as she sat down in her usual seat, turning and making
pleasant conversation with Willow until the bell rang. She could see the
look on Willow’s face and knew that her friend was getting worried about
her.

Spike began class, but Buffy could tell his mind was elsewhere. She turned
her eyes away every time he looked in her direction, pretending to be taking
notes. Spike lectured for half an hour before announcing that they would
get some free time before the bell rang. Buffy watched as he grabbed a
stack of papers from his desk and began to hand them back to the students.
She unconsciously shied away from him when he passed her, a move that
did not go unnoticed by Spike as he placed a paper facedown on her desk, and
he felt his stomach tighten at the simple act.

Buffy looked at the piece of paper and felt herself go pale at the note
written in pencil.

‘We need to talk.’

‘I can’t,’ Buffy thought, trying to ward off a panic attack. ‘I’m doing
well by just being here. He can’t expect me to talk to him after…’

She could see him watching her as the bell rang. Gathering her strength as
she stood up, she gave Spike a pointed look before crumpling the paper in
her hand. They had nothing to talk about. It had all been said the other
night. She continued to ball it up as she walked by his desk and tossed it
in the trash can, looking away as she followed Willow out of the room.

Spike sighed when the last person walked out, dropping his head into his
hands as the door shut, leaving him in silence.

The last week had been hell for Spike, and he wanted to make sure Buffy was
okay. He had been relieved to see that she was in school that day, but it
did nothing to dissuade his concerns when she ignored him for most of the
day.

He hated himself for what he was putting her through…for what he was putting
himself through, but it couldn’t change anything.

Above all else, Spike was grateful that Giles had enough trust and respect
to come to him instead of immediately going to Snyder. He made a bad
situation more bearable. Spike couldn’t live with himself if his affair
with Buffy had hurt her future in any way. He was prepared to suffer the
consequences for his actions, but he would be damned if he dragged her down
with him.

* * * * *

Buffy sat with Willow a few days later, having a much needed girl’s night
for Buffy’s birthday. Ever since Buffy’s affair with Spike, she felt like
she’d been neglecting her best friend. Willow and Xander had embraced a
tentative relationship since Homecoming, and tonight was the first night the
two girls even got to talk about anything personal in months. It felt good
to relax with some cheesy eighties movies and not have to think about her
Spike-related problems. At least that’s what she kept telling herself.

“Okay, Buffy, spill it.”

Buffy turned to Willow, a surprised look on her face. “Spill what?”

“I know you’ve been keeping something from me, and I’ve been playing the good
friend role by not pushing, but you’ve become really withdrawn and depressed
this week, and I want to know why.”

Buffy stared in shock. Should she tell her? It would definitely lift a
very pressing weight from her shoulders and hopefully let the healing
process begin. That’s what Buffy needed. She needed to put distance
between Spike and herself, and who better to help with that than her
trustworthy best friend.

“Can you keep a secret?”

“You know I can,” Willow replied, turning her full attention to her friend.

“I’ve been seeing somebody…at least I was, until recently.”

“Buffy, why didn’t you tell me?” Willow asked softly, her voice full of
concern, wondering what could have happened to cause this big of a change.

“Because it’s kind of…illegal.”

Willow’s eyes widened. “You’re not seeing a drug dealer, are you?” she asked
in a panicked voice.

Buffy had to smile at her friend. “No, Wills. Not that kind of illegal.
He’s…older.”

“Oh,” Willow said with relief before her eyes widened. “Ooooh.”

“Yeah…and that’s not all.”

“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay, but I’ll keep it a secret if you
need to talk about it.”

“It’s Mr. Bradley,” Buffy squeaked before burying her head in a pillow.

Willow sat in stunned silence for several long minutes. “Our history
teacher?” she asked quietly, needing it to be confirmed.

Buffy raised her flushed face to look at her friend. “Yeah,” she said
softly before putting on a fake, cheery face. “So, tell me about you and
Xander.”

“Uh uh, no way you’re getting out of this one, missy. You’re going to talk
to me. Now, when did this start?”

“A few months ago, around the start of the school year,” Buffy murmured.
“He…he ended it…a few days ago.”

“That’s why you really weren’t in school? I thought you were sick.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said in a choked voice as her emotions started overwhelming
her.

“Buffy, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

Buffy shrugged, biting her lip. “I keep hoping it will get better…it
hasn’t.”

Willow wrapped a comforting arm around Buffy’s shoulders. “Did you love
him?”

“I do,” Buffy said as tears streamed down her face. “I love him so much
and…”

Buffy trailed off as she took a deep breath, trying to get the strength to
say what she needed to say. “Willow, I’m pregnant.”
 

Chapter 18


“Pregnant?” Willow asked in disbelief. “You’re pregnant?”

“I found out this morning,” Buffy said softly. “I…I didn’t know if I should
tell you, but…”

“It’s okay,” Willow said, giving her a hug. “I’ll help you through this.”

“Thanks,” Buffy said with a soft smile.

“Are you going to tell him?”

“I’ll have to,” Buffy murmured. “I don’t know how, but I know I have to.”

“What about your mom? When are you going to tell her?”

“I was kind of thinking I could put off that conversation,” Buffy replied,
picking at the fabric of the couch.

“For how long?”

“Eighteen years,” Buffy said, throwing her head back on one of the pillows.

“Buffy-“

“I know, I know, I have to tell her. Can you do it for me?” she asked with
a hopeful expression.

Willow gave her a gentle smile. “You can do it, Buffy. I’ll be there with
you, if you want me to.”

“That would be great.”

* * * * *

Buffy and Willow talked for several hours. When Joyce Summers walked
through the door, Buffy was almost feeling at ease with the idea of telling
her mother that she was going to be a grandmother. Almost.

“You have to, Buffy,” Willow whispered. “The sooner the better.”

“Why do you have to be the voice of reason?” Buffy pouted.

“Hi, girls!” Joyce said brightly as Buffy walked over to her mother. “Did
you have a good day?”

“Um…no…I really didn’t,” Buffy replied. “I had a really, really bad day
actually.”

“Are you pregnant?” Joyce asked, her face going blank.

Buffy eyes widened before she took a deep breath and nodded. “I am.”

“Oh, honey,” Joyce said as tears began flowing from both of them. She gave
Buffy a crushing hug before pulling back to look at her little girl. “How
many times have we talked about birth control?”

“I know,” Buffy said with a sob. “And I was taking the Pills, but I missed
a few and…I’m sorry. I was so stupid and I know that…I’m so sorry.”

Willow stood back, watching the tender scene. She was proud of Joyce for not
judging her daughter, but then again, she didn’t know who the father was
yet.

“Are you keeping it?” Joyce asked quietly.

Buffy nodded. “I couldn’t…I can’t get rid of it. It’s already a part of
me, even though it’s not even…formed.”

“Okay,” Joyce said, trying to control her tears. “I’m going to help you,
Buffy. What about the father?”

Buffy and Willow took a collective breath. Willow came forward to hold her
friend's hand, wanting to show her all the support that she could.

“Mom, you’re not going to like who the father is,” Buffy said quietly.

“Who is it?”

“Before I tell you, you have to promise me that you won’t freak out and try
to call him or contact him, okay?”

“Okay…I promise not to call him or contact him.”

“Or freak out?”

“I’m reserving that right.”

“It’s William Bradley,” Buffy said softly.

“William Br…oh my God!” Joyce cried, her hand flying up to her mouth. “Your
history teacher? I’m going to report him.”

“Mom, you promised!” Buffy said, her voice taking on a frantic, high-pitched
quality.

“I promised I wouldn’t call him- that doesn’t mean I can’t have him
arrested.”

Willow’s hand tightened its hold on Buffy as the other girl nearly
collapsed in sobs. Buffy crumbled to the floor, fresh tears streaming down
her face.

“Ms. Summers,” Willow said softly. “I know it’s not my place to say
anything, but I don’t think that would be the best solution.”

“Her history teacher took advantage of her- I can’t think of a better
solution than getting him thrown in jail,” Joyce replied, looking around for
the phone.

“Mommy, please don’t do this,” Buffy said in a choked voice. “He didn’t
take advantage of me…I love him.”

Joyce stopped and looked at the two girls. Willow cradled Buffy against her
as they both cried.

“Have you told him?” Joyce asked softly, getting a handle on her sanity
again.

“No,” Buffy said softly. “We had to…it’s over.”

Joyce had no idea how to feel about that. She didn’t want her daughter to
be involved with her history teacher, but she knew how miserable the coming
months would be carrying the child of a man she loved who she couldn’t be
with.

“I told you I’d be here to help you,” Joyce said softly. “And I meant
it.”

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief as her mother hugged her. “Thank you,” she
whispered, clutching at her mother as if she was a lifeline. “Thank you so much.”

* * * * *

Buffy stayed after class the next day, waiting for all of the students to
file out. Willow had offered to stay for support, but Buffy knew she had to do this
by herself.

Spike looked up as Buffy nervously approached his desk.

“What do you want, Buffy?” he asked, letting his anger from the previous
afternoon boil to the surface as he looked at the papers he was grading. If
she wanted to ignore him, it could easily go both ways.

“You said you wanted to talk,” Buffy said quietly. “I’m here to talk.”

“So now she wants to talk,” Spike said, looking at the ceiling. “Well, I’m
a little busy now, Miss Summers. Maybe we could do this another time.”

“Spike, please-“

“It’s Mr. Bradley,” Spike replied. He immediately regretted the callous
statement when he saw the pain in her eyes.

“After everything that we’ve been through, it’s back to the formalities,”
Buffy said, mostly to herself, before sighing in defeat. “About what
happened-“

“Look, it had to end,” Spike said with a shrug, not even committing to what
he was telling her. “It was best that it ended when it did, before
something bad happened.”

“Like what?” Buffy asked with a twinge of fear in her voice.

Spike looked around, making sure they were alone before he spoke again.
“Like the consequences that come with having sex,” he said in a low voice.

Buffy swallowed hard as she tried to get control over her raging hormones.
She fought to keep her hand from reflexively grabbing her abdomen. A
maternal instinct that she already possessed when she felt threatened by
something she had no control over. “And that would have been bad?”

“It wouldn’t have been good,” Spike said softly. It sounded convincing to
himself, but why did he not believe it?

“Okay, then,” Buffy said walking toward the door, her eyes flashing with
repressed anger. "I should get going."

“Buffy, I didn’t ask you to stay because of…the past. I actually wanted to
talk about something else.”

“Like what?” Buffy asked, turning around with a bored expression.

“I’m becoming more concerned about your grades.”

Buffy raised an eyebrow as she hoisted her bag onto her shoulder. “Like I
give a shit.”

Spike watched in shock as she turned and walked out of the classroom. The
coldness of her voice had surprised him. The distance in the tone, as if
what they experienced together had never been real.

Chapter 19


4 Months Later


Spike drove toward Buffy’s house, his hands clenched on the steering wheel.
His knuckles were turning white with the force that he was gripping it. He
had one thought, and one thought only, and that was- he had to see her. It
probably wasn’t the wisest decision he’d ever made, especially considering
the mood he was in, but he had to confront her.

Spike had only caught glimpses of Buffy over the past few months. The day
after she’d stayed to talk to him, she had rearranged her schedule,
transferring out of his class and ultimately, out of his life. Anytime he
would get close to her, she would turn and run the other way, until finally,
Spike just stopped making the effort. It was better that they weren’t seen
together since he still got looks from some of the other teachers, but he
couldn’t just shut off his feelings.

Spike had tried to subtly get some information out of Willow. He didn’t
know how much she knew about the entire situation, but he knew that girls
often confided in each other, and Willow seemed to be his best option for
finding out anything, but the little redhead clammed up whenever he broached
the subject.

It wasn’t until tonight that Spike was chaperoning the senior prom that
he’d felt his heart nearly stop when he overheard Buffy’s name in a
conversation between some of the gossip queens of Sunnydale High.

*Have you heard why Buffy Summers has practically dropped out?*

*No, what’s the deal with her, anyway? I mean, she’s never in class.*

*Well, rumor has it, she’s pregnant!*

Spike had fought to keep from blacking out at that particular bit of news.
He didn’t know what scared him more- Buffy being pregnant with his child, or
Buffy sleeping around with someone else and getting pregnant with another
man’s child. Both thoughts caused a near-violent reaction for two
completely different reasons.

Pulling in front of her house, Spike rested his head against the steering wheel, trying to figure out how to go about doing this. He knew he had to be very careful and he also knew his temper had a way of getting him into trouble. Spike slowly got out of the car, breathing a sigh of relief that her mother’s car wasn’t in the driveway, thanking any and every higher power that he might get to talk to Buffy alone. He didn’t know if he wanted to see Joyce Summers tonight, in case Buffy had told her about their relationship. At any rate, it would be complicated trying to explain why her former high school history professor was standing at her door on the night of the Sunnydale High senior prom.

Slowly walking up to the door, Spike knocked, taking a step back and shoving
his hands in the pockets of his duster. He felt his stomach tying itself into
knots as he waited.

Buffy opened the door with a shocked look on her face. She self-consciously
crossed her arms over her swollen belly, glad that she was wearing an
oversized sweater that night, but it still didn’t do much to hide her
figure.

“What are you doing here?”

“You weren’t at the prom,” Spike replied before clenching his jaw. ‘Good
one, you ponce. She obviously knows she wasn’t there.’

“It seems I’m not the number one choice for a prom date,” Buffy said,
avoiding his eyes, only serving to fuel the heartache and anger that were battling inside of him.

“Buffy-“

“I’m over it,” she said with a shrug. “The whole ‘Buffy gets one perfect
high school moment’ thing was just a phase I was going through.”

“Can we talk?” he asked softly, gesturing to the house.

Buffy looked up and down the street, seeing her nosy neighbor looking out
her window. Buffy sighed, deciding she shouldn’t take Spike into the house.
Who knows what kind of badness that could lead to- and not just of the
sexual variety. Pulling the door shut as she stepped onto the porch, Spike
seemed entranced as the soft light illuminated her features. “What did you
want to talk about?” she asked in a small voice.

“Is it true?”

Buffy stiffened, not wanting to have this conversation tonight. Tightening
her arms around her body, Buffy spoke. “If you mean, did I get pregnant?
Then yes, it’s true. I would think it would be rather obvious at this
point.”

Spike looked at her stomach, swallowing hard at the sight. It really wasn’t
that obvious, unless someone happened to be as intimately aware of her body
as he was.

“Is it mine?” Spike asked, his eyes never leaving her stomach.

Buffy looked at the ground, holding back tears. “Do you think it’s not?”

“I really don’t know.”

“Then you should probably leave,” Buffy said quietly, her voice holding a surprising amount of resolve, considering the feelings that were churning inside of her.

“Buffy, if it’s mine, why wouldn’t you tell me?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Buffy replied sarcastically. “How about ‘the
consequences that come with having sex’ speech? Yeah, I’ve had that running
through my head for the last few months.”

“What are you going to do?” Spike asked, his head tilted slightly as he
stared at the woman in front of him.

“I’m going to graduate,” Buffy replied.

“And after that?”

“I have some things planned,” she said vaguely, not wanting to get into with him.

“And you’re not going to tell me?”

“Do you honestly want to know?” Buffy asked in confusion. “You wanted me
out of your life, remember? Gone. Well, guess what, I’m gone now. You
don’t have to deal with me anymore.”

Buffy watched as Spike seemed to be raging with an internal battle.

“Look…if this is the only reason you came over tonight, you should probably go.”

Spike paused for a moment, before turning and walking back to his car. She watched as he drove away, finally letting the silent tears fall as she hugged her body even tighter. The small
swell of her belly that housed her child- their child- was really beginning to show.

Buffy did have things planned. She wasn’t going to waste her life. She
wasn’t going to be another statistic. Her mother always said that things
have a way of working themselves out, and Buffy believed they would. She
just wished she could ignore that nagging part of her brain that made them
want to work out with Spike. He’d just made it perfectly clear that he
wanted no more involvement with her. The Spike she knew would have put up a
fight for anything he wanted. That just cemented her belief that she would
be able to do this alone.

 

Chapter 20

Buffy sat through the graduation ceremony, feeling extremely insecure. She felt as if everyone had their eyes on her instead of Mayor Wilkins. Judging her life, her choices, her protruding stomach.

She now wished she’d talked her mother out of the silly tradition of walking across a stage to collect a piece of paper. A piece of paper that Buffy would never even use. Sure, she had to have it for a lot of things in her life, but all that was necessary was the record of her earning a diploma, not going through the actual ceremony of receiving it.

Buffy took a deep breath as she stood with her row, moving forward toward the stage. She impatiently waited her turn, letting her eyes scan the crowd. She saw her mother with a bright smile, snapping pictures every two seconds.

Buffy offered her a halfhearted smile, before her eyes traveled to the back of the crowd. She saw the teachers standing behind the rows of parents. Her eyes briefly met with Spike’s and she could feel her breath catch in her throat before turning away with tears in her eyes.

* * * * *

Spike watched as Buffy walked across the stage, smiling politely and shaking hands with the Mayor when he handed her the diploma. He kept a close eye on her as she carefully descended the stairs, feeling his heart calling to her. In spite of everything that had happened over the last few months, he felt proud of her.

Spike stood quietly as the ceremony came to a conclusion. He made pleasant small talk with a few of the parents, watching Buffy out of the corner of his eyes, always keeping a close eye on her. His attention was drawn to her as she began hugging her mother and friends, tears in her eyes as she clutched at Willow.

* * * * *

“Mom, I’m going to go.”

“Buffy…already? It’s so early,” Joyce said in a disappointed tone.

“I know, but it will be dark soon, and I just want to get out of here. It’s all too hard.”

Willow and Xander walked up to Buffy. They had both been so supportive of her decisions, even though Xander didn’t know who the father was. Willow had promised not to tell him until they were graduated and she knew that Xander would be able to take the news without searching out Mr. Bradley.

“Buffy, you’re going?” Willow asked sadly.

Buffy nodded, hugging Xander before turning to her best friend. Both girls had tears streaming down their faces as they embraced each other.

“You were supposed to room with me,” Willow said sadly, never letting go of her friend. “The whole first year of college and the adjustments and now…”

“I know,” Buffy said in a choked whisper before slowly pulling away. “I wish it could have worked out that way, but I’ll call you later, okay?”

Willow nodded as Buffy turned to hug her mother. “You have your cell phone?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said quietly. She pulled away, taking off the cap and gown. “And I’ll see you in a few weeks, right?” she asked, her voice filled with insecurity as she handed the items to her mom.

“You won’t be able to keep me away,” Joyce said with a watery smile, clutching the items to her chest.

Buffy smoothed out the wrinkles in her black dress, trying to keep her mind occupied. “I’m going to go,” she whispered.

Everyone nodded, offering one last hug before Buffy turned and began walking away. She felt a tingling rush over her skin and looked up to see Spike watching her from several yards away. She stopped for a moment, staring into his eyes, memorizing the planes of his face before giving him a slight nod and walking away.

* * * * * *

Twenty minutes later, Spike’s thoughts were still on Buffy as he said his good-byes. He needed to talk to her, he knew that, but he was being a coward. He had to tell her he would be there for her and the baby.

“No time like the present,” he muttered to himself, walking toward his car.

A few minutes later, Spike pulled in front of the Summers house, getting out of his car with a feeling of trepidation. Taking a deep breath, Spike knocked on the door, feeling his heart drop into his stomach when Joyce Summers opened it. Her teary eyes soon turned to anger as she looked at him.

“What are you doing here?”

“Look, Mrs. Summers, I don’t know if it’s been explained to you-“

“That you got my daughter pregnant and I should have your ass thrown in jail for statutory rape? Yes, it’s been explained.”

“I see,” Spike said quietly.

“So, I ask again- what are you doing here?”

“I need to see her,” Spike said quietly. “I need to talk to her and explain-“

“She’s not here.”

“What do you mean she’s not here?” Spike asked, his voice taking on a panicked quality. “Where is she?”

“She doesn’t want you to know.”

“What?” he asked in disbelief.

“You’ve made your feelings about my daughter perfectly clear. She wants to start fresh and she’s gone to do that.”

“She left town?” he asked in shock.

“Yes,” Joyce said quietly.

“But I…”

“I’ll tell her you stopped by,” Joyce said, her tone softening slightly. “But don’t expect much.” Spike felt short of breath as he slowly walked back to his car. He’d lost her.

* * * * *

Buffy sat on the beach, staring out at the waves of the ocean. She’d been on her way out of town. Her new car, a graduation gift from her father for missing the ceremony, was all packed and ready to go, but Buffy had stopped, needing to get her bearings on what she was doing. She needed to say goodbye to a place that had been her home for so long.

Buffy slowly reached around her neck to unclasp the chain. Letting the diamond eternity band fall into her hand, she stared at it for a long moment. The last rays of the sunlight caught the diamonds, making it sparkle as the sun continued to set.

‘A ring represents the endless devotion of one person to another,’ she thought sadly. ‘How can endless devotion just…end?’

For a brief moment, Buffy considered throwing the symbol into the ocean. Wanting the waves to swallow the evidence of their time together…except it wouldn’t work. The evidence was in her belly. Spike left her with something more tangible, even though he may not want it. She wanted it. She needed this baby and that was all that mattered. A simple ring wasn’t going to erase the past, whether she disposed of it or not. Slipping the ring back onto the chain, she clasped it around her neck again. Not wanting to think about why she was keeping it close to her heart.

With a sigh, Buffy watched as the final rays of the sun dipped below the horizon, putting an end to one day, only to begin another. Buffy took a deep breath, knowing that the same was true for her. The end of this life was ending, but what she had to look forward to was a new beginning. One that she would do everything in her power to make right. Her life was about to begin.

Next