Chapter 1 - Unattainable


Buffy hurriedly cleaned up her area of the club, eager to get home for the
night and hoping that her boss Parker would let her off early for the
night. She knew it was wishful thinking. Parker Abrams didn’t know how to
let someone go home early, especially since he enjoyed gawking at the
waitresses that were on duty.

Buffy glanced around the club. It was getting unusually busy for this time
of night. Granted, Chaos was one of the hottest clubs in Los Angeles, but
it was almost two in the morning, and another swarm of people were walking
in.

Buffy sighed, throwing her towel down on the tray as she carried it back up
to the bar. Buffy propped her elbows on the flat surface, letting her chin
fall into her hands.

“Rough night, sugar?” the bartender Lorne asked.

Buffy smiled at the name. Lorne was always calling the waitresses by pet
names, but Buffy’s theory was that so many girls worked on each shift, he just
couldn’t keep them all straight. “I’m just ready to go, that’s all,” Buffy
said with a shrug.

“Only another half hour,” Lorne replied, comfortingly patting her hand
before he turned to wait on another customer.

Buffy turned, leaning against the bar as she looked through the crowd of
dancers. She spotted a few of her fellow waitresses, but most were nowhere
to be seen.

‘Just as well,’ Buffy thought. ‘Not like anyone comes in here for food
after midnight anyway.’

* * * * *

Spike Thornton watched the cute little blonde with interest. She was leaning
against the bar with a bored look on her face, obviously not wanting to be
here. He noticed the impossibly short black skirt, barely covering the tan
expanse of her thighs, and the flimsy halter that showed a generous amount of
cleavage.

Most of the men, and some women, were checking her out right and left, but
the same disinterested look stayed on her face. Spike turned and whispered
something to his manager before facing the blonde again.

Spike’s manager Liam Angelus quickly sought out the owner of the club. He
wasn’t too hard to find since owners generally stayed close to the VIP
section. Parker Abrams listened carefully to Angelus before nodding and
winding his way through the club, stopping in front of Buffy.

“Hey, Buff, you doing okay?” Parker asked, pretending to be interested.

“Actually, Parker,” Buffy said, standing up straighter as she turned to face
her boss. “I was wondering if I could take off a little early tonight.
There’s no one left in my section, and there’s more than enough girls to
cover for me.”

“Actually,” Parker replied. “There isn’t.” At Buffy’s confused look, he
continued. “Most of them are in the VIP section.”

Buffy’s eyes moved to the doorway and noticed a man who looked vaguely
familiar lock eyes with hers. He stared at her for a moment, tilting his
head slightly, before raising his glass to her.

“So…I just hang around and do nothing for an hour?” Buffy asked with a small
smile as she looked back at her boss.

“Actually…you’re requested in the VIP room as well,” Parker said.

Buffy’s eyes shot over to the blonde before looking back at Parker. “To
work?”

“More or less,” Parker replied with a shrug.

“More or…oh! Oh no, definitely not!”

“Buffy, Spike Thornton has requested your presence, and I think it would be
wise to take him up on his offer.”

‘Spike Thornton,’ Buffy thought, her eyes widening as she looked over at the man again. ‘Lead singer of Nightstalkers, I don’t think so.’

“Parker, I have no intention of taking Spike Thornton up on any offer,” Buffy
said in a very clear tone.

“At least go in there, Buff,” Parker said. “Faith, Gwen, and Anya are
already there, and now he’s asking for you.”

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me!” Buffy cried in indignation. “I have no
intention of catering to every little whim of a rock star just because he
happens to be famous! I’m not for sale, Parker!”

“It’s not like that, Buffy.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said sarcastically. “I’m so sure. It’s not Faith’s first
time in that room, Parker. Girls talk…I know exactly what goes on behind
those doors, which is why I’ve never been through them.”

“Don’t risk losing your job, Buffy,” Parker said, his voice dropping
deceptively low.

“You would really fire me over this?” she asked in disbelief.

“I guess we’ll find out if you don’t go in there.”

Buffy clenched her jaw so tight she thought it would break. She hated the
man standing in front of her. She hated this job, but it was the only way
to pay for school, and that was something Buffy couldn’t risk. She was
twenty-one, going on fifty, and she hated it, but she couldn’t lose this job.

With a heavy sigh, Buffy followed her boss to the man in the doorway.

“Buffy Summers, meet Spike Thornton,” Parker said, making a big show of the
introductions.

Spike smiled warmly at the woman in front of him, taking one of her hands to
kiss it tenderly, not letting go immediately after. “Pleasure to meet you,
Buffy,” he purred in a silken voice.

Buffy jerked her hand out of his grasp, glaring at him the entire time.
Spike raised an eyebrow, surprised by her attitude. Every woman he’d met
for the past two years was all too eager to get closer to him. This was
almost refreshing if he hadn’t been so attracted to her. Almost.

Parker gave Buffy a little nudge as Spike held the door to the room open for
her, and she quickly turned her glare to him. “I’m off in fifteen minutes,
Parker,” she hissed. “And I will be leaving.”

With a heavy sigh, Buffy followed Spike through the door into the dimly lit
room. She recognized several celebrities among the people. She had to
suppress a snort as a pack of girls surrounded Spike, demanding his
undivided attention.

Buffy saw this as her lucky break. Slipping away, she made her way to one
of the darkened booths, sitting down and letting the heavy shadows swallow
her. ‘Fifteen minutes,’ Buffy thought. ‘Fifteen minutes, and then I can
leave.”

Buffy repeatedly checked the clock that was visible to her above the main
doorway. Drumming her fingers on the tablecloth, she couldn’t will the
seconds to go by fast enough. At the ten minute mark, Buffy swallowed a gasp when she
felt someone sit down next to her.

“Thought you’d run off, luv,” Spike said with a smirk.

“Well, I was going to, but I’m not allowed out of this hellhole for another
ten minutes,” she replied with a bite in her voice.

“Lucky for me,” he said in a husky voice as he gently traced a finger over
the bare skin of her shoulder.

Buffy hurriedly moved out of the way, but unfortunately for her, not out of
his reach since he just slid closer to her, effectively pushing her against
the wall.

“Look,” she said through gritted teeth. “I don’t know what you want with
me, but you’re not going to get it, alright? I’m not a stalker, I’m not a
member of your little fan-club,” she said, gesturing to the girls that were
obviously seething with jealousy as they watched the couple in the booth
interacting. “Hell, I’m not even a fan,” Buffy finished.

Spike chuckled lightly as he looked at her. “Let me take you home, pet,” he
said in a soft voice.

“What?” Buffy asked, her brow furrowed in confusion. “Did you not hear a
word I just said? I don’t want to be with you in any way, shape, or
form…you got it?”

“Maybe,” he replied, biting his lip playfully as he stared at her. “But I
happen to have a very strong power of persuasion.”

“Well, let me help you out. I don’t go for the clothes, attitude, fame, or
fortune, so you really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade me.”

“Then what do you go for, pet?” Spike asked with a small smile on his face.

Buffy found herself staring at the expression. The man sitting in front of
her now wasn’t the arrogant rock star- he looked like
nothing more than a hopeful little boy. Shaking herself out of her reverie,
Buffy looked at the clock again before turning her attention back to him.
“If you have to ask, you and I really wouldn’t be good together. Now…if
you’ll excuse me…”

When Spike didn’t move, she found her anger heating up as Spike smirked at
her. “I’ll let you go as long as you let me take you home.”

“Why me?” Buffy asked, her eyes narrowed.

Spike seemed to contemplate her for a moment before answering. “You’re
special,” he murmured.

“I’m unattainable,” she informed him, roughly pushing him until he had no
choice but to stand up.

Without another glance, Buffy made her way through the room, groaning when
she reached the door and noticed it being opened for her. Turning around,
she stared at Spike, who had that arrogant smirk firmly in place. With a sigh and
a shake of her head, Buffy walked through it, not looking at him as they
made their way through the club.

Stepping into the cool March air, Buffy took a deep breath, trying to rid
herself of the cigarette smoke, alcohol, and sweat that seemed to permeate
her body from working such long hours.

Spike watched her in fascination as her long hair spilled down her back in
soft curls. Her head tilted up as she stared at the starless sky. Turning
to walk away after a minute, Spike quickly caught up with her.

“What do you want?” Buffy asked in a resigned voice.

“I want to get to know you, pet.”

“Do you not get hints when they hit you in the face?” Buffy asked, turning
to face him. “I’m not looking to get laid.”

Spike chuckled. “Well, that is a little disappointing, but believe it or
not, I was talking about just getting to know you.”

“What, so we can start a meaningful relationship?” Buffy asked, her voice
threaded with sarcasm. “Not looking for one of those either,” she said,
turning and walking down the sidewalk.

“Determined little bint, aren’t you?”

“What the hell is a bint?” Buffy asked, hazarding a glance his way as Spike
chuckled.

“Not important,” he said with a shake of his head. “Now, follow me.”

Buffy felt a rush go through her as he gently took her arm, leading her
around a corner and stopping in front of a black stretch limousine.

Watching as the chauffer opened the back door when he saw them approach,
she frowned when he barely even glanced their way. ‘Must be a nightly occurrence,’ Buffy
thought.

“What are you doing?” Buffy asked as Spike turned to help her into the limo.

“I’m taking you home,” he said as if it was the most natural thing in the
world for a rock star to be offering a waitress a ride in the back of a
limousine.

“I-I really shouldn’t,” Buffy said, taking a step back as Spike tilted his
head and gave her a slight pout of his bottom lip. Buffy had to fight the
smile that threatened to emerge at the adorable look on his face.

“Come on, Buffy, I’m not asking you to sleep with me,” Spike said, watching
as she blushed three shades of red. “I just want to make sure you’re safe.”

With a sigh, Buffy looked up, staring at the darkened streets of Los
Angeles. It was obviously quicker to get home this way, but being safe in
the backseat with a very hot guy was up for debate.

Finally, with a nod of acceptance, Buffy climbed in the car. It was going
to be an interesting ride home.

 

Chapter 2 – Rough Ride


Buffy watched as the door of the limo slammed shut behind him. Spike slid
across the roomy backseat until he was practically on top of her.

“Do you mind?” Buffy asked irritably as his arm slid around her shoulders.

“Don’t mind at all, pet,” he replied with a smirk.

“You know, there are a million other girls that would happily give you what
you obviously want tonight.”

“What if I said what I want is you?”

“I thought we covered this a few minutes ago,” Buffy said through clenched
teeth. “I’m not for sale, and I just want to go home.”

“I’m taking you home, luv. The problem is, you never gave the driver a
destination, so we’re left to sit here and occupy our time,” he replied,
letting one of his hands drift along her collarbone and traveling lower.

Buffy took a deep breath, trying to rein in her temper before throwing open
the door and stepping out on the street.

“Buffy!”

She ignored him as she began walking down the street, hugging her arms
around her body.

“Buffy, stop!”

She felt her arm seized as she spun around to face Spike. “What?” she asked
softly, staring up at him.

“I told you I wanted you to be safe.”

“Yeah? Well, when you try and molest me in the backseat of your car, I’m
thinking it’s not my safest option. I walk home every night- there’s no
reason to make tonight any different.”

“I’m sorry, luv. You’re just not like any of the other girls I know.”

“How could you possibly know that? Just because you tried talking to me for
fifteen minutes?”

“Because you didn’t throw yourself at me like everyone else,” he said in a soft voice.

Buffy stayed quiet as they stared at each other.

“Let me take you home,” Spike said softly, giving her a gentle look before
shrugging out of his duster and wrapping it around her shoulders.

Buffy stared into his eyes, seeing the rock star persona fade away.

“I promise to behave myself,” he said with a soft smile.

“Okay,” Buffy replied with a nod as Spike led her back to the waiting limo.
Giving the driver her address, Buffy smiled at Spike when he sat in the seat
across from her. They both stayed quiet as the car pulled away from the
curb.

“You don’t like me very much, do you?” Spike asked in obvious bewilderment.

“Have you given me any reason why I should?” Buffy responded, tilting her
head to look at him.

Spike nodded, looking at his hands for a moment. “Care to tell me what I
can do to get back in your good graces?”

Buffy stared out the window as they passed the tall buildings. “Why do you
care so much?” she finally asked, never making eye contact with him.

Spike leaned forward, clasping his hands together in front of him. “I don’t
know,” he replied honestly. “Maybe I like the extra work, if the outcome is
worth it.”

Buffy finally looked over at him, nervously biting her lip as she thought
about what he’d said. “And would it be worth it?” she whispered as the car
pulled to a stop in front of her building.

“I hope so,” he replied in a whisper.

Buffy was about to respond when the door swung open. She gave the driver a
smile as she accepted his hand, stepping out of the car. Turning around to
say goodnight to Spike, she was surprised when he stepped out behind her.

“I told you I want you to get home safe, and I intend to make good on that
promise,” he said, placing his hand on the small of her back and leading her
toward the building.

“I can make it the rest of the way on my own,” Buffy said with a smile.

Spike nodded, looking at the door of the building before turning his
attention back to Buffy.

“Can I see you again?” he asked, looking like a nervous schoolboy as he
waited for her answer.

Buffy had to smile. “After everything that’s happened, you still want to
see me again?”

“Yes,” Spike replied with honesty.

Buffy worried her bottom lip as she looked around, avoiding him at all
costs. “I’m working the rest of the week.”

“What about tomorrow afternoon?” he asked, tilting his head to get her to
look at him.

“I have plans,” Buffy said softly, noticing the sudden coldness of his eyes.
“But I’m free on Saturday afternoon,” she continued.

“How about lunch?” he asked, trying to push down any jealous sensations.

“I’d like that,” Buffy replied with a nod. “But only if this guy shows up.”

Spike looked at her in confusion. “What do you mean, pet?”

“I don’t want to see the flashy rock star who gets whatever he wants,”
Buffy clarified. “I want to spend time with you, not him.”

Spike smiled before nodding. “In that case, call me Will.”

Buffy’s eyes widened. “You’re serious?”

“Well, if you prefer ‘Spike’, that’s fine with me, but Spike is the ‘flashy
rock star’. Will is the guy in front of you.”

“So that’s what all of your friends call you?”

“No, that’s what my mum calls me.”

Buffy felt a flush rise to her cheeks as she smiled. “Okay, Will. I’ll see
you Saturday?”

“I’ll pick you up at twelve o’clock.”

“Sounds good,” Buffy replied as she began shrugging out of the duster.

“Keep it,” Spike said, readjusting the collar around her neck. “That way if
you try and stand me up, I’ll have a reason to track you down.”

Buffy had to smile at his logic but nodded.

“I’ll see you then, Buffy,” Spike said as he turned to leave.

“Will?” Buffy waited until he turned around before stepping forward.
Spike was practically in shock as one hand gently wrapped around his neck to
pull him lower before her lips pressed against his cheek, leaving a gentle
kiss. “Thanks for the ride home,” she said with a smile as she disappeared
into the building.

Spike smiled when the door shut behind her. “Minx.”



 

Chapter 3 – Unexpected Surprises


Saturday afternoon arrived faster than Buffy expected.

“I let all that time fly by,” Buffy muttered to herself, frantically going
through her closet. “And now Will is going to be here in ten minutes, and I
have no idea what to wear.”

Discarding yet another pair of pants, she repressed a scream of frustration,
settling on a heavy sigh. Finally settling on her favorite jeans and a white,
gauzy sweater with a black tank top underneath, Buffy critiqued her reflection.

“Casual is better,” she decided as she looked at her herself before
running a brush through her long hair and adding some pale lip gloss. She
was putting the finishing touches on her mascara when she heard the buzzer
announcing that he was here.

“I’ll be right down,” Buffy said into the intercom, buzzing the front door
open as she slipped on a pair of black boots. Throwing open the door, Buffy
was surprised to see Spike standing there with a smile on his face.

“Hi,” she said with a shy smile, suddenly feeling very self-conscious as his
gaze perused her body.

“You look lovely, pet,” he murmured, taking a step forward and pulling his
hand out from behind his back.

Buffy’s eyes widened when he offered her a simple pink rose. “It’s
beautiful,” she whispered, taking the flower and barely noticing when his
arms wrapped around her waist.

Spike leaned down, brushing soft kisses along her jaw as he pulled her
closer to him.

“We should go,” Buffy whispered, her eyes involuntarily closing as his lips
traveled lower, brushing along her neck.

“Yeah,” he said softly, never stopping his movements.

Buffy felt lightheaded, her hands grasping his strong arms to support
herself. “We should really-“

Her breathy voice was cut off when his lips fused with hers, pushing her
against the wall as their tongues met in a gentle caress. Breaking away
after a moment, Buffy’s eyes cut over to the hallway that led to her
bedroom. Spike followed her gaze as she caught her breath.

“We really need to go,” she said with a firm nod, straightening her
shoulders and making sure she had her keys. Spike nodded in agreement,
knowing he shouldn’t push the issue, and folded his hand around hers, leading
her out of the apartment.

“Didn’t mean to get that carried away, luv,” he said softly, bringing her
hand up to his lips and leaving a gentle kiss on it. “I guess you just
bring it out in me.”

Buffy swallowed hard, her eyes diverted as they walked down the stairs. “I
never said it bothered me,” she finally replied, giving Spike a soft smile
when he held the door open and placed his hand on the small of her back,
following her out into the cool air.

“I hope you don’t mind, I thought we could walk somewhere today. I didn’t
really feel like causing a commotion with the limousine.”

Buffy laughed with a nod. “That’s perfectly fine with me. I’d actually
prefer it.”

“You didn’t like the limo?” Spike asked with a smile.

“I liked it just fine,” Buffy replied with a sheepish smile. “It’s
just…normal girl here,” she continued, gesturing to herself. “I don’t need
anything fancy or overpriced to impress me.”

“Guess I should cancel the flight to Italy for lunch,” Spike said with a
smirk as Buffy lightly swatted his shoulder.

“No, don’t cancel it,” Buffy teased him with a smile. “Just change the
destination to Paris so we can go shopping.”

Spike laughed, wrapping an arm around her waist, surprising both of them at
the ease that they were fitting together. It felt like they’d been with
each other for years, and this was only their first date.

“Any place in particular you want to go for lunch, kitten?”

“Now that you mention it, Italian does sound really good,” she said with a
giggle.

“Your wish is my command,” he said with an over-exaggerated gesture, leading
her around a corner before pointing down the street. “There’s a little
bistro about two blocks away. Are you interested?”

“Sounds good,” Buffy replied, feeling herself relaxing at the ease of their
conversation.

The couple made small talk until they turned the corner and arrived at the
small Italian eatery. “Do you want to eat inside or outside?” Spike asked,
squeezing her hand slightly.

Buffy felt her heart flutter once again at the slight pressure change of
his hand. Taking a deep breath before looking at the small patio with ivy
draped off the side of the roof and along the trellis that surrounded the
area, she turned toward Spike. “I’d say outside, unless you think you’ll be
too cold.”

Spike raised an eyebrow at her teasing, pulling her closer to him and
leaving a gentle kiss on her lips, allowing a shock to go through her with
the tender contact. “I think I’ll be okay,” he said with a smirk. “I’ll
have you there to keep me warm.”

Buffy blushed, looking away as Spike led her toward a secluded table in the
corner of the patio.

“Hi,” a pretty brunette greeted them, walking up to the table. “My name’s
Laine and I’ll be your server today. Would you like to hear our…oh my God,
Spike?”

Spike’s eyes shot up to the waitress, his brow furrowed as he tried to
remember where he’d seen her. Buffy looked back and forth between the two
people, not sure what she was witnessing.

“Do you remember me?” she asked excitedly. “We hooked up last time you were
in town. I thought you were going to be touring for a while. You should
have called me, I left you my number.”

Buffy’s entire body tensed, waiting for Spike’s reply.

“Uhh…right. Listen, pet,” he directed at Buffy. “I’ll be right back.”

Buffy didn’t say anything as Spike stood, leading the waitress a few yards
away and whispering to her.

“Look…I’m sure it was a good time and everything, but I wasn’t looking for
anything serious that night-“

“Neither was I,” she interrupted. “I’m just thinking we could have some
more fun together.”

Spike sighed. “I’m sorry. It’s not going to happen.”

Turning away from the woman, his eyes widened when he saw Buffy’s
empty chair. Frantically looking around, he didn’t see her anywhere.
Closing his eyes for a moment, he took a deep breath before running toward
the corner, hoping to catch up to her.

* * * * *

Buffy fumbled with her keys in front of her apartment building when she
heard him behind her.

“Buffy, I’m sorry. I never wanted you to see that. I’ve had a lot
of…sexual experiences, but I swear-“

“Will,” she said softly, turning around to look into his eyes when he
approached. “It’s fine…you have a past, and I understand that. I can even
accept it, but…”

Spike took a shaky breath, wanting to reach out to her but knowing that she
would want a little bit of distance. “But…what, luv?” he whispered, taking
a step closer to her.

“I just don’t think this can ever work,” Buffy said, turning to go into her
building.

“Why?” Spike asked, catching her arm. “Because I’ve slept with a lot of
women?”

“No,” she whispered, turning around to look into his eyes. “Because I was
one of them.”


 

Chapter 4 - Memories


Spike stood in shocked silence for a solid minute. The longest and shortest
sixty seconds of his life. Finally comprehending what she said, he took a
deep breath. “Did I just hear you right?” he said in a raspy whisper.

“That you and I slept together? Yeah…you heard me right.”

“When?” he whispered, his eyes unfocused and looking around as he searched
his memory.

“Three years ago,” she said softly. “Look…maybe we should go inside. This
isn’t exactly the kind of thing I like discussing when my neighbors can
overhear everything.”

Spike nodded, following her into the building. His brow was still furrowed
in confusion as he walked up the flights of steps.

Buffy shut the apartment door behind him, watching as he seemed to snap out
of his trance and look around.

“What’s wrong?” Buffy asked worriedly.

“What? Oh…nothing. It’s just…have you ever gone from one place to another,
but you don’t remember actually going the distance?”

Buffy smiled. “Is this about the trip up the stairs or the last three
years?”

“A bit of both,” he whispered, unable to look in her eyes. “Can you
please explain it to me now?”

Buffy took a deep breath as she nodded.

* * * * *

3 YEARS EARLIER


“Willow, I can’t believe you got me all this for my birthday!” Buffy
squealed excitedly, practically hopping as she gave her best friend a hug.
“This is the best present I have ever gotten!”

“You only turn eighteen once,” Willow replied with a shrug as they were
ushered backstage. “I figured we had to go all out.”

The crowd of screaming girls nearly swallowed Buffy and Willow as they were
pushed and pulled in a certain direction. The shriek seemed to double after
a few minutes and Buffy strained to see what had caused such an uproar. She
could vaguely see two of the band members, Riley Finn and Xander Harris, as
the security guards tried to keep the fans at bay.

Buffy took a step back, deciding it wasn’t worth the effort of getting five
feet closer if she was going to get trampled in the process.

“They’re crazy, aren’t they?”

Buffy turned at the sound of the voice and offered a small smile at the dark-haired man standing beside her. “They’re definitely…enthusiastic,” she agreed with a nod.

“Why aren’t you joining them?”

“Is it really worth it?” Buffy asked with a shrug. “It’s not like there
will be a chance in hell of one of them singling me out to talk to, so why
bother? I’m perfectly comfortable playing the role of admirer.”

The man tilted his head, looking at her with appreciation. “Well, today
might be your lucky day,” he said with a grin.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m Angel,” he replied, holding out his hand and waiting until she
tentatively shook it. “I’m the band’s manager. Could you follow me?”

Buffy hesitantly stepped forward as Angel placed his hand on the small of
her back. She knew it wasn’t very wise to go somewhere with a man she just
met, but the door that he led her through and entrance and down a hallway
that was lined with security guards. She felt a little safer here than she
did with the crowd.

Watching as Angel knocked on a door at the end of the hall, Buffy’s eyes
widened when a bleached blonde answered.

‘Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.’

The mantra seemed to run through Buffy’s head as Angel lightly pushed her
toward the lead singer.

“Spike, I’ve brought you some company.”

Spike raised an impressed eyebrow as he looked the girl over. She could
feel her skin heating up under his gaze as he perused her body.

“You two have fun,” Angel said with a wink and smirk before walking back
down the hall.

Buffy bit her lip as Spike held the door of the dressing room open. “Come
on in, pet. No need to be shy.”

She could feel her breathing escalate as the door shut behind them.

“Did you enjoy the concert, Goldilocks?” he whispered, gently pressing her
against the door while his fingers ran through her hair.

“Um…yeah,” Buffy whispered, her heart slamming in her chest.

“That’s good, luv,” he said softly, his lips close to her ear.

“Maybe I should-”

All coherent thought left her body when she felt his lips gently slide over
hers in a tender kiss. She felt as if she was drowning when her eyes
fluttered shut, her hands reaching up to wind around his neck. She knew in
that moment that she was lost. She knew that she would give him
anything…and she did.

* * * * *

“So that’s it,” Buffy said quietly as Spike sat on her couch, his head in
his hands, trying desperately to remember something…anything about that
night. “I went to sleep afterward and you…”

“I left,” Spike muttered, looking at the floor.

“Yeah,” Buffy said quietly as he raised his pain-filled eyes to hers.

“Was I your first?” he whispered.

Buffy took a deep breath and swallowed hard before nodding. “You were,” she
confirmed, watching as he dropped his head into his hands again, hearing the
deep sigh that erupted from him.

“Was I…I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Buffy shrugged, even though he couldn’t see it from his current position.
“I don’t really have another first time to compare it to, but you were
gentle if that’s what you were wanting to know.”

“I’m so sorry, Buffy,” he said in a choked voice, raising his eyes to hers.

“Will, I was there, too. I could have asked you to stop or walked out. You
didn’t hold me in that room…I wanted to be there.”

“There’s been so many cities…so many concerts and I just…I want to remember
so much,” Spike whispered, the tone of his voice nearly breaking Buffy’s
heart. “You probably hate me.”

“I did,” Buffy admitted. “I did for a long time, but I couldn’t hold on to
that forever. It’s not like I expected a big rock star to really pay
attention to me in the first place.”

“But I did…I would have and I…”

“Thanks,” she said with a small smile.

“And the club?”

“I saw you and all of those old feelings came back,” she said softly. “I
didn’t want to risk getting close to you again.”

“Why the change?”

Buffy shrugged, absently playing with her thumbnail. “People change. They
evolve, they mature, and you seemed different. One lunch couldn’t hurt
anything.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about this before?” he asked gently.

“You mean, start off a conversation with- ‘Hi, I’m the girl you screwed in
another city. Do you remember me?’”

Spike slowly stood up, walking over to her chair and kneeling before her.
“Don’t say that,” he whispered.

“Don’t say what?”

“Luv, I might not remember anything, and words can’t express how sorry I am,
but I am sure we didn’t screw, shag, or fuck.”

Buffy flushed as he continued, gently tucking a piece of hair behind her
ear.

“We made love,” he said softly.

“Just apparently not very memorable,” Buffy whispered, her insecurities
coming to the forefront as Spike closed his eyes.

“I didn’t…I’m sorry,” he said again before standing up. “Maybe I should
go.”

“Did you mean what you said?” Buffy asked before he reached the door.

“What’s that, luv?” he asked quietly.

“That this,” she began as she gestured in between the two of them. “That
whatever we have between us could be worth it?”

“I did,” he replied honestly.

“And now?”

“I still do.”

“Stay,” she whispered.

“Buffy, I don’t think-”

“Just hold me?”

A smile finally crossed Spike’s face as he nodded, holding out his arms and
feeling the tension leave his body when Buffy stepped into the embrace.




Chapter 5 – What If...


Stretching luxuriously, Buffy opened her eyes and jumped when she saw the
deep blue gaze staring back at her.

“Morning, sunshine,” Spike said with a smile. “How did you sleep?”

Buffy snuggled closer to him when she remembered she’d asked him to spend
the night, nuzzling against his chest and causing a chuckle to erupt from
his throat. “With you here? Never better.”

“That’s always nice to hear,” Spike whispered, brushing his lips along the
top of her head.

Slowly pushing herself away from him, Buffy sat up and looked deep into his
eyes. They were almost navy as she stared at him.

“William,” she whispered in a breathy voice, feeling her stomach tie itself
into knots as she took a deep breath. “Kiss me?”

Smiling at her simple request, Spike’s lips met hers in a tender kiss. His already painfully hard erection, as a result of simply waking up next to her, grew even harder as her tongue brushed against his.

Buffy moaned, flipping them over to move up his body and straddle his waist. Spike’s hands immediately grabbed her thighs but didn’t bother to stop her advances as she grinded her hips against his.

Following her instincts, Buffy’s mind was all over the place. ‘What if he
does the same thing he did all those years ago? What if I never see him
again? What if he stays today and then I wake up tomorrow morning and he’s
gone?' Making a decision, Buffy pressed her lips to his in a more passionate
kiss, feeling the evidence of his obvious arousal against her leg. ‘What if
you allow yourself to fall for him and it happens anyway, Summers? You want
this, there’s no denying it. If it’s just for fun, it’s better to find out
now instead of getting anymore feelings involved.’

Pulling away from his lips, Buffy stripped her tank top over her head and
let it flutter to the floor. Nervously biting her lip, she watched as
Spike’s eyes clouded over with lust as he took in the soft curves and smooth
skin that were suddenly exposed to his hungry gaze.

Buffy was about to climb off of his lap when she felt his lips brush along
one of her breasts. Her body automatically arched against him, urging him
on as her hands threaded through his hair, pulling him closer to her. She
could feel his hands on her back, pulling her closer to him as his tongue
swept over her nipple, allowing a low moan to escape from her throat.

Pulling away after a moment, Spike looked up at her with lust-filled eyes,
panting for air. “If you want to stop-”

He was immediately silenced as Buffy crushed her lips to his, pressing her
body against his chest. Spike’s arms banded around her, pulling her closer
to him as the kiss deepened. The intensity of the moment surprised them
both, letting their tongues lazily brush together. In spite of the passion
that was racing through both of them, their lips seemed to be caught in a
slow pace, enjoying the tenderness of the moment, even as their bodies
continued to move together.

Buffy’s hands trailed over Spike’s bare chest, enjoying how the muscles
flexed whenever her fingertips came in contact with his skin. The sharp
ridges and planes of his chest and abs had her pushing even harder against
him.

Leaning back, Buffy looked into his eyes, playing with the hardened outline
of his erection through the thick denim. “Can I trust you?” she asked,
smiling at his confused expression.

“Trust me?”

“I’m safe…are you?”

Understanding dawned on Spike’s features as he nodded. “I’m safe, I swear,
but if you would rather-”

His offer was silenced by her lips against his. Reaching for his jeans,
Buffy teasingly popped open the button and slowly dragged the zipper down,
smiling against his lips when she felt his cock practically spring from the
confining fabric. Slipping out of her pajama pants, Spike nearly jumped out
of his skin when he felt Buffy’s bare body on top of him.

Eagerly kicking off his jeans, Spike felt short of breath in anticipation.
His eyes nearly black as he pulled away to look at her, Buffy shivered at
the need in his gaze.

“Last chance,” he whispered with a smile, letting his hand trail along the
smooth expanse of her stomach, gently brushing across her breast.

Buffy trembled against his touch, closing her eyes for a moment. Before
either of them had a chance to think, her soft hand was positioning his shaft
at her entrance a split second before she sunk down on him.

Clenching his teeth as he filled her, Spike gasped for air, never feeling
this affected by a woman before.

Not giving him a chance to adjust, Buffy began moving on top of him, an evil
little smile crossing her face when she saw the desperation on his face.
“What’s the matter, baby?” she whispered, leaving soft kisses along his jaw
as her hips swiveled in a slow circle.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” Spike rasped, opening his eyes to look
at her. The image of her moving on top of him nearly had him coming from
the sight alone. The first rays of the morning sunlight streamed through
the windows, casting her in a soft golden glow, enhancing every feature.

“Is that a good thing or bad thing?” Buffy asked with a misleadingly
innocent smile.

She gasped when she felt herself suddenly pinned beneath Spike as he eagerly
plunged into her body. “Very good thing,” he growled.

Minutes seemed to fly by as Buffy gasped for air, arching her body against
his, feeling her body begin to spiral out of control. Spike looked down at
her, seeing the desperate need for release, plainly written on her face.
Instead of speeding up his thrusts, Spike nearly froze, his eyes widening as
he looked at her.

Buffy’s eyes snapped open, blinking rapidly with unfulfilled desire.
“Will?” she whispered, clutching at his body, trying to urge him to speed
up.

“I remember,” he murmured, looking into her eyes, a look of relief and
disbelief in his eyes.

“Remember?” Buffy asked, her brain cloudy as she tried to focus on what he
was saying.

“I remember you,” he whispered, a smile playing on his features. “The night
we spent together…I remember.”

“Baby,” she said softly in a falsely patient voice. “You have no idea how
happy that makes me, but will you please shut up and fuck me?”

Spike had to repress the urge to laugh as he smiled and bit his lip, looking
at her with an appreciative gaze before plunging into her body with enough
force to make Buffy cry out in delight.

Dropping his head to her shoulder, Spike’s hips were practically slamming
against hers when he felt her muscles begin clenching him as a scream of
pleasure was ripped from her throat, triggering his own climax.

Both lay still, gasping for air for several long minutes before Spike
rolled away. In the aftermath, Buffy was stunned by her out of the ordinary
actions. She closed her eyes, suppressing the urge to cover her face as she
sat up with the intent of getting her clothes.

Swinging her legs over the side, Buffy jumped when she felt Spike’s arms
wrap around her waist, his lips trailing kisses along her shoulder. “Where
are you going, Goldilocks?”

“I-I thought that…”

Turning her around, Buffy saw the worried expression on his face. “Thought
that…what?” he asked, tilting his head in concern.

“I just thought that…I mean…it was fun, but…”

“It wasn’t just for fun, Buffy,” he said quietly, his brow furrowed in
worry.

“Promise?” she asked, the insecurity in her voice shining through.

Spike gave her a brief smile before pressing his lips to hers in a
reassuring kiss. “I promise.”


 

Chapter 6 – Non-Negotiable


“So you remember me?” Buffy asked after a few moments of comfortable silence.

“Everything,” he whispered, his lips trailing over her shoulder and along her neck, eliciting a gasp from her as he lightly bit down on her pulse point. “The look on your face…the sounds you made…you’re amazing.”

Feeling a blush rise to her cheeks, she smiled before snuggling closer to him.

“I wasn’t that forgettable, then?”

“No,” he said seriously, looking into her eyes as he spoke before a smile played on his lips. “I just have the worst sodding memory in the world.”

Buffy giggled, feeling his lips practically attack her neck.

“Can I see you tonight?” he asked a moment later, pinning her body with his as he looked down at her.

“I have to work,” she replied with a slight pout .

“I’ll pick you up after work, then.”

A brilliant smile lit up her face as she nodded. “Okay.”

* * * * *


Surprisingly, Buffy’s weasel of a boss gave her the night off. Even though Spike had arranged to pick her up from the club, she decided to surprise him and was currently standing outside of his apartment, hoping he would be happy to see her.

“Buffy?” he said, his eyes widening when he saw that it was her. “What are
you doing here, luv?”

“Got the night off…thought maybe we could spend it together…is that okay?”

“Oh…um…yeah, that’s fine.”

“Something wrong?” Buffy asked, noticing that he had an almost dreamy look
on his face and his eyes weren’t really focusing on her.

“No. The band’s over here right now, but they won’t mind if you stopped
by.”

“Oh, well, I can come back later,” Buffy said, already turning toward the
elevator.

“No, come in,” Spike said with such intensity that Buffy turned around
again. She smiled when he held the door open for her, swatting her on the
butt as she walked through. Buffy jumped but giggled at the teasing
action.

She relaxed when she felt his arm wrap around her waist, leading her into the huge living room of the apartment. Black leather furniture and glass-top tables filled the room. A big-screen TV took up an entire wall, and Buffy was surprised to see not only the band members, but a few girls as well.

“Did I come at a bad time?” she asked, turning to look at Spike with a slightly accusing glare.

Realizing what she was implying, he shook his head. “No, this is Cordelia
Chase, Angel’s girlfriend,” he said, gesturing to the attractive brunette
who smiled and nodded at Buffy. “And this is Anya Jenkins- she’s Xander’s
girlfriend.”

“Nice to meet you,” Buffy said with a shy smile, greeting each member
of the band as Spike introduced them.

“So you’re here with Spike?” Anya asked, settling herself on Xander’s lap
and grabbing a glass of wine.

Exchanging a look with Spike, Buffy nodded, suddenly feeling insecure with
the situation of dating a rock star.

“Good,” Anya said with a bright smile. “Because if you were a groupie, I’d
be forced to kick your ass. No one gets near Xander’s penis but me, right,
baby?” she asked, glaring at her boyfriend as if she was warning him.

“Right, honey,” Xander said with a smile, obviously used to his girlfriend’s
bluntness.

Spike gently took a flustered Buffy by the elbow, pulling her toward a
hallway. “If you lot will excuse us, we’ll be back in a few,” he said with a
smirk, pulling Buffy toward the door at the end of the hall.

“Nice place,” she murmured, looking at the rest of the huge apartment as
they walked.

Nudging her through the doorway, Spike practically slammed the door and
lunged at Buffy, trailing kisses along her exposed neck. “It’s even nicer
now that you’re in it,” he said with a growl, picking her up and spinning to
push her against the door.

Buffy gasped, wondering what brought on this more forceful Spike, but
eagerly adapted to it as she moved against him, relaxing when his lips
smashed down on hers.

Closing her eyes in contentment, her breathing escalated when she felt Spike
begin to walk toward the bed, throwing her onto the soft mattress.

“What got into you?” she asked with a timid smile as he crawled up her body,
slipping his hand beneath her shirt to rub the smooth skin of her stomach.

“Nothing much,” he murmured, leaving gentle kisses along her jaw, smiling
when she turned her head to give him better access.

Buffy frowned and her body tensed when she saw the hypodermic needle lying
on the nightstand. Everything seemed to snap into place and slam into her
at the same time. The dreamy expression on his face, the relaxed stance, and
she realized why his eyes looked so strange- his pupils were constricted to
the point that they were nearly pinpoints.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Spike asked, realizing somewhere in his foggy brain
that Buffy’s body had tensed.

Shoving him away, Buffy sat up and picked up the needle. “What’s this?”

“What’s it look like?” Spike asked with a smart-aleck smirk.

“It looks like I’m leaving,” Buffy replied, straightening her clothes as she
stood up, throwing the syringe back on the nightstand.

“Oh, come on, don’t be like this,” he said, catching her arm as she walked
toward the door.

“Don’t be like what, Will?” she asked, turning around to face him. “Don’t
be concerned about myself? Don’t be scared?”

“Scared?” Spike asked, his brow knit together in confusion. “Scared of
what?”

“I’ve heard enough horror stories to know that these things never end well.”

“Never say never,” he replied with a grin before rolling his eyes when Buffy
didn’t smile. "What did you expect?”

“I expected you to go against the grain and be your own person,” she said in
frustration. “I never thought you would be the kind of guy who has to do
something like this to feel accepted.”

“It’s not about acceptance, Buffy,” he said, standing up and lighting a
cigarette, sighing when he realized the high was wearing off as he tried to
focus on the conversation. “It’s about feeling good.”

“What is it, William?”

“What’s what?” Spike asked with a sigh, dropping down onto the bed and
looking at Buffy as she crossed her arms and walked toward him.

“What drugs are you on?”

“It’s nothing, baby,” he purred, pulling her close to him, wrapping his arms
around her waist. “It’s just some heroin.”

“You must be really high to be able to say it’s just heroin,” Buffy replied,
trying to disentangle herself from his grasp.

“Look, I don’t do it a lot,” Spike said, never loosening his hold on her as
he managed to maneuver her to sit on his lap. “I just needed to relax
tonight.”

“I would have thought you would be relaxed after the morning we had,” she
said, not wanting to look in his eyes and see how different they were with
the effects of the drug.

“You know you relax me,” he murmured, trying to get her back in the mood as
he brushed kisses along her jaw. “But the band was coming over and I needed
something to take the edge off.”

“Are they all high?” Buffy asked, looking at the closed door.

“The girls aren’t and Xander doesn’t use anything.”

“So that leaves Angel, Riley, and Gunn?”

“Angel doesn’t use it a lot of the time.”

Finally looking into his eyes, Buffy shuddered when she saw how unfocused he
was. Jerking away from him, she stood up, moving further out of the way.
“You won’t even remember this conversation,” she whispered, feeling an array
of different emotions. She hated to be put in this situation…she hated that
he was putting her in this situation, but shouldn’t she feel a sense of
relief that she found this out now and not six months from now? Where was
the reprieve? Why was there a sense of loneliness all of a sudden?

“I should go,” she murmured, walking toward the door, surprised when Spike
somehow managed to beat her there, blocking her exit from the room.

“No,” he said softly.

“Will, let me go,” she said through gritted teeth, feeling unnerved and
claustrophobic in the huge room.

“I don’t want to lose you, Buffy,” he whispered, the sincerity in his voice
surprising her.

Staying quiet for a long minute, she looked at the floor, biting her lower
lip. “I don’t want to lose you, either,” she said softly. “But I…I just
can’t be with you when you’re like this.”

“To be fair, luv, you never asked.”

“I’m sorry if I didn’t ask if my potential boyfriend is a drug addict, it’s
not exactly in my normal conversations. I didn’t expect you to be living
the cliché. Do you have a room full of women waiting to fuck your brains
out when I leave?” she asked, her voice rising in anger.

“Are you jealous?” he asked with a smirk that she desperately wanted to wipe
off his face.

“Jealous? Of the potential conquests of a man who I’ve only screwed once?
Don’t flatter yourself.”

“Twice,” he corrected. “And to answer your question- no, I don’t have any ‘potential conquests’ waiting for me. The only girl for me is you.”

“Was,” she replied. “Past tense.”

“Buffy-”

“This isn’t a negotiation, William,” she said, shoving him out of the way and
opening the door. “I’m not going to get closer to you, only to watch you
kill yourself,” she said, slamming it behind her.


 

Chapter 7 – Needing You


No tears were shed. Buffy was mildly surprised she hadn’t cried at all over
the course of the last twenty-four hours, but she wasn’t going to question
it. Throwing herself into her work at the club helped to keep her mind off
the situation.

The club was packed that night, and Parker had decided to have Buffy help
Lorne behind the bar. This was fine with her since it kept her away from
the groping hands of the club patrons. Definitely not one of the perks of
the job. She loved working with Lorne, though. He watched out for her and
was definitely more fun to work with than some of the girls who were
waitresses.

Fixing drinks and opening beer bottles, Buffy noticed that the club was
busier than usual. She was about to ask Lorne if there was something going
on tonight when she heard a voice that was obviously meant for her.

“He needs you, you know?”

Buffy looked up when she heard the serious tone, pausing momentarily as she
mixed a drink before focusing her attention back on the task at hand.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, raising her voice over the pulsating
music.

“I thought I should come talk to you,” Angel said, sitting down on a nearby
barstool.

“Couldn’t have found a better time of day to talk to me?” she asked
irritably. “I’m kind of on the clock here.”

“Just pretend I’m a guy who’s flirting with you and your boss won’t know
anything.”

Buffy snorted at the thought of Parker. “It’s not like he doesn’t know you.
The entire band was here a few nights ago.”

“Even better,” Angel said with a smile. “Tell him we’re planning to come
back and I’m working out the details.”

Opening a beer bottle, Buffy motioned to Lorne that she would be a few
minutes before walking over to Angel. Practically slamming the bottle in
front of him, Angel raised both eyebrows in question. “I didn’t order
anything.”

“If you’re going to sit here, I expect a tip when you leave,” she said,
fighting the pull of the smile on her lips. “Time is money, now tell me
what you’re doing here?”

“A woman after my own heart,” Angel said with a smirk as he took a long
drink from the bottle.

“I’m not after anyone’s heart,” Buffy muttered under her breath, realizing
too late that she had spoken too loud. “What do you want, Angel?”

“He needs you,” Angel replied, repeating what he said a few moments before.

“He needs the drugs more.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Look,” Buffy started, fighting the emotions churning inside of her as she
put an indifferent look on her face. “We had a nice day together. We’ve
got some memories. I’m not exactly in a place in my life where I can be a
crutch for a man who didn’t even bother to tell me that he’s got a problem.”

She quickly busied herself with wiping off the surface of the bar so the
other man couldn’t see the tears swimming in her eyes.

“He doesn’t think he has a problem,” Angel said in a quiet voice.

“Does he?” Buffy asked, making eye contact with him again.

The other man was quiet for a long moment before he spoke. “I’ve seen
worse.”

“Yeah, well I’ve seen better. There are plenty of guys out there who aren’t
users. Why should I make the effort?”

“Because I think you two understand each other.” Buffy stayed quiet as
Angel continued, “He wants to be with you.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said, shaking her head. “He wants to be with me so much that
he sent his employee to try and get me.”

“He didn’t send me.”

“Then where is he?”

“Curing his hangover with a few shots of whiskey would be my guess.”

“You’re not helping his case, Angel,” Buffy replied, seeing Parker throwing
glances her way. “I have to get back to work.”

Angel followed her the length of the bar, stopping in front of her as she
began making drinks.

“Will you just talk to him?”

“He doesn’t even want me, Angel,” she said in exasperation. “You said it
yourself- he’s curing his hangover with more alcohol. He has everything he
needs, so why are you even here?”

“Maybe because he knows how much I need you.”

Buffy froze when she heard the familiar accent, her jaw tightening as she
looked at Angel, who was smirking. “I said he was drinking- I never told you
where he was,” Angel said before leaning closer to her. “You wanted a tip?”
he asked in a low voice. “Give him another chance…he may surprise you.”

Taking a deep, steadying breath as he walked away, Buffy turned to Spike,
who was now standing next to the bar. “I’m working,” she said, turning away
from him as she opened a few more beer bottles and began dispersing them
among the customers. She was slightly disconcerted by the fact that Spike
wasn’t making an effort to talk to her, but the sane part of her brain
reminded her that it was a good thing.

After a few minutes, Buffy turned to the place he’d been standing and
frowned when she realized he wasn’t there.

“Rough night, precious?”

Turning around to face Lorne, Buffy sighed. “You could say that.”

“And does it have to do with either of the two beefcakes you’ve been
chatting with?”

“Nosy bartender,” Buffy said with a smirk as she swatted him with her towel.

“You have to find your own entertainment when you’re working,” Lorne replied
with a smile. “But I don’t think you’re going to have that problem with
entertainment value tonight.”

Frowning in confusion, Buffy turned to look in the direction of Lorne’s gaze
and saw Parker walking toward them.

“Buffy!” he called to her when he got closer. “Clock out, you’re done for
the night.”

“What?”

“You heard me,” Parker said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Exchanging a look with Lorne, Buffy did as she was told, realizing too late
the reason she was being let off work early as she walked outside.

“What do you want?” she asked Spike, crossing her arms defensively over her
chest.

“I wanted to talk to you,” Spike replied, shoving his hands in his pockets,
taking a hesitant step toward her. “You said you had to work…I solved the
problem.”

“And what if I said I don’t want to talk?” Buffy replied, walking past him
without sparing him a second glance. “Do you think you can solve that
problem?”

Spike sighed before turning around and catching up to her. It was going to
be a long night.





Chapter 8 – Obstacles


“Buffy, please stop!”

Getting a strange sense of déjà vu from a few nights ago, Buffy didn’t
bother to slow her pace. Spinning around when she felt her arm grabbed in a
harsh grip, she stared daggers at Spike, jerking her arm free from his
grasp. “Leave me alone,” she hissed.

“Not until you talk to me.”

“Go home, Will. We have nothing to say to each other.”

“We have a lot to say to each other.”

“Why do you care?”

“What?” Spike asked in confusion.

“Look, we had a fun night,” Buffy said, trying to distance herself from the
man in front of her, scared of the feelings and emotions that were coursing
through her as a result of being too close to him. “I don’t really see any
reason to continue…whatever this is,” she finished, gesturing back and forth
between them.

“First of all, it was morning, not night. Second, I think there is a very
good reason to continue whatever this is.”

“Like what?” Buffy asked, feeling disconcerted as he walked closer to her.

Without answering her, Spike wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her
forward and crushing his lips to hers. The fire and passion seemed to erupt
between them. Buffy felt like she was drowning as his tongue delved into
her mouth, brushing erotically against hers.

Breaking away a moment later, she gasped for air, using Spike’s chest for
leverage as she tried to keep her balance.

“I think that’s an obvious reason,” Spike said breathlessly, pressing his
forehead to hers, surprised at the feelings she could cause with a single
kiss.

Slowly regaining her abilities to function, Buffy took a step back, needing
the distance between them so she could think straight. “So there’s
passion,” she said with a slight shrug. “It doesn’t mean that we can build
a relationship on it or that either of us would even want to. I don’t know
if I can trust you and…and it would never last.”

Spike scoffed, never letting Buffy get too far away from him. “Trust is for
old marrieds, Buffy,” he said as she rolled her eyes. “Great love is
wild…and passionate and dangerous. It burns and consumes.”

“Until there's nothing left. Love like that doesn't last.”

“I know you feel like I do,” he said quietly, taking a step toward her.
“I’ve never felt this way before. I just know I want you.” Buffy could
feel her heart pounding in her chest at the soft admission, watching as
Spike slowly walked toward her again, wrapping his arms around her waist.
“I want you…all of you.”

Summoning the last of her resolve, Buffy looked into his eyes. “I’m not
going to be with someone who doesn’t even care what he’s doing to himself.”

Spike sighed, clenching and unclenching his jaw as he looked up at the sky.
“It’s just a bit of fun, Buffy. It takes the edge off after a show or at a
party. I don’t sit in my house shooting up whenever I’m alone, just to
relax. It’s just for fun,” he reiterated.

“And that ‘bit of fun’ is going to kill you.”

“You can’t know that,” he replied, shaking his head.

“Well, it didn’t do wonders for Kurt Cobain or thousands of others,” Buffy
retaliated, her jaw set in anger. “I think I’m going to play the odds, and I
don’t want to be in a relationship where I always come in second to a
syringe.”

“What if I stop?”

Buffy raised her eyes to his, wishing she could keep the hope out of her
gaze. “Do you think you can?” she asked, the insecurity obvious in her voice.

Spike stayed silent for a long moment. “I’m willing to try…for you.”

“There’s just so much in the way…”

“I want you, Buffy,” he whispered. “I don’t know what it is about you, but
you make me want to change.”

Fighting the tears in her eyes, Buffy sniffled slightly. “Don’t hurt me.”

Spike immediately tensed, looking at her in confusion. “Buffy, I would-”

“No,” she said, cutting him off as she shook her head. “I just…I don’t want
to get involved with you because I don’t want to get hurt. You did that to
me once, Will. Granted, I was practically a kid who didn’t know any better
and had foolish dreams about a rock star, but I’m older now and…I just don’t
want to get hurt again. You have the ability to do that and I’m just not
sure I want to give you the chance.”

“I want to be with you,” Spike whispered. “I can’t make any promises, but I
honestly don’t want to hurt you.”

“That’s not very comforting,” Buffy said, stepping away from him.

“Do you want to be comforted, or do you want the truth?” Spike asked gently.

Buffy was about to respond when a group of giggling teenage girls ran up to
Spike, cameras at the ready and pieces of paper out, each begging for an
autograph and a picture as they waved a collection of pens in his face.
Each trying, in their own unsophisticated way, to flirt with him.

Never breaking eye contact with him, Buffy continued to back away. “It’s
always going to be something,” she said with a shrug, gesturing to the
females that were now separating them as if a wall was in between them.
“There’s just too many obstacles to try and overcome.”

With a heavy heart, Buffy turned and walked away, leaving Spike with his
adoring fans.
 

Chapter 9 – Helping Hand


“What are you doing here?” Buffy asked with a sigh as she opened the door to
her apartment.

“I couldn’t let it end like that,” Spike said softly, his hands braced
against the frame, looking at her through sad eyes.

Buffy averted her gaze for a moment, biting her bottom lip in contemplation
before opening the door wider. “Come in, Will,” she said softly, not
looking at him as he walked past.

Shutting the door, she nervously fidgeted with the tie of her robe, suddenly wishing that she wasn’t wearing a nightgown that fell to mid-thigh. The red satin robe did little to cover it, only falling an inch past the gown itself.

Holding it closed, Buffy walked into her living room, seeing Spike shift nervously from foot to foot with his hands shoved in his pockets, darting his eyes up to her every now and then. She noticed the subtle way he was perusing her body and couldn’t help but hook one foot behind her ankle, trying to shrink away from him.

“What do you want, Will?” she asked softly, her body tensing when he took a
step toward her. She could feel her breathing escalate at his close
proximity.

“You,” he whispered, taking another step toward her.

“Are you on something right now?” she asked quietly.

“No,” he said softly, shaking his head as he came to stand in front of her.
“Look in my eyes if you don’t believe me.”

Buffy nervously looked into his eyes, seeing that his pupils were dilated as
he stared at her. She breathed a sigh of relief, letting her shoulders
relax.

“I don’t know what it is,” Spike said in a quiet voice. “Something about
you just keeps pulling me in…I want you and I don’t care what I have to do
to get you.”

“I’m not a prize,” she whispered, looking away from his penetrating gaze.

“I know that. I just…I don’t even know what I’m trying to say.”

Buffy’s expression softened when she saw the frustration evident on his
face. “I’m standing by what I said earlier…I’m not going to date someone
who uses drugs.”

“And like I said, it’s-”

“If you say it’s just for fun, why can’t you quit?”

Spike avoided her eyes, rubbing the back of his neck as he turned away.

Buffy took a shaky breath, nervously tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.
“Thanks for stopping by,” she murmured, turning toward the door. She gasped
when she felt his arms wrap around her waist, pulling her against his body.

“Will you help me?” he whispered, his voice shaky at the thought of giving
up something that he sought for comfort.

Slowly turning around in his arms, Buffy saw the scared expression in his
eyes as he looked at her hopefully. “I’ll help you,” she said softly, her
eyes slowly closing when she felt his lips brush against hers in a tender
kiss.

“Can I stay?” he asked, the hopeful look on his face making her heart swell.

“Yeah,” she said with a smile. “You can stay.”

Gently pushing her against the wall, his lips met hers in a surprisingly
passionate kiss. Buffy felt like she was drowning, trying to keep up with
the movement of his lips and tongue.

“Will,” she whispered breathlessly when he broke away to trail kisses down
the column of her neck. “What are you doing?” she asked when he hoisted her
legs around his waist.

“I thought that would be obvious,” he said, pulling away with a smile as he
pushed against her.

Buffy shivered in response, grinding her hips against his and smiling at the
moan that erupted from his throat. Slipping the robe from her shoulders,
Spike’s breath caught in his throat when he saw the satin nightgown. His
mouth went dry, noticing the sheer pieces of fabric in all the right places.

Slipping his hands beneath the satin, he groaned in pleasure when he
encountered nothing but bare skin at his fingertips. “God, Buffy,” he
rasped in pleasure.

Their breathing accelerated as Buffy unbuttoned his shirt. It was a slow
process, considering his hands on her skin were slowly driving her wild with
lust.

“Were you planning on me coming over?” he asked with a smirk, his hands
sliding higher.

“Maybe I was planning on someone else,” she replied with a secretive grin.

Spike growled, pushing her against the wall with more force. “You better
not be serious.”

“Possessive much?”

“You don’t know the half of it, baby,” he said with a grin.

“What if I told you I was planning on a quiet night alone?”

Spike’s eyes roamed her body as his tongue slowly swept across his bottom
lip. “Hmm…maybe I’ll just sit back and watch what you do alone,” he said
with a grin.

Buffy playfully smacked his chest, moving to straighten her legs.

“I don’t think so, luv,” Spike said with a smile, holding her close with one
hand while he unbuckled his belt with the other. “I’ve got you right where
I want you.”

Buffy pushed his hand out of the way, dipping in between them to take his
fully erect cock in her hand, smiling at the breathy moans that came from
Spike as she slid her hand up and down.

“I think you’ve got that backwards. I’m the one who has you right where I
want you,” she said with a soft smile before arching her back and sinking
down on him with one fluid movement.

Spike’s eyes rolled shut as he gritted his teeth, pumping into her and
quickly picking up his pace. Buffy could already feel herself spiraling out
of control as his hold on her tightened.

“William, faster,” she said breathlessly, moaning when he complied. Her
orgasm crashed into her out of nowhere, sending her screaming into oblivion.
Aftershocks continued to jolt through her as Spike sought his own release,
quickly following her over the edge, spilling himself inside her welcoming
body.

Trying to catch their breath, Spike pulled away and looked at her. “Sorry,
luv,” he said, still panting for air. “I wanted it to last longer, but you
felt too damn good.”

Buffy let her hands play in his hair as she smiled at him. “Did you hear me
complaining?”

Spike chuckled, letting his lips caress hers in a tender kiss. “What are
you doing tomorrow night?”

“Well, it was my night off, but since someone got me sent home early, I
guess I’ll be making up the hours.”

“We’re doing a concert…come with me?”

“Are you sure you want me there with all of your adoring fans?” she asked
with a teasing smile.

“Do you even need to ask me that?”

Snuggling closer to his body, Buffy let her head fall to his shoulder.
“I’ll be there.”

 

Chapter 10 – Exceptions to the Rule


Standing backstage next to Angel, Buffy watched Spike effortlessly work the
swarms of people as he jumped around the stage. He exuded so much energy
that it was contagious.

“You’re good for him, you know?” Angel said, glancing at Buffy.

“Am I?” she asked so softly she was practically talking to herself.

“He’s happy with you. I’ve never seen him so interested in anyone.”

“I like him,” Buffy murmured, insecurity creeping into her voice as Spike
knelt down on one knee, singing into the microphone and touching the hands
that were reaching toward him. Most of them attached to screaming, hopping
girls.

“But you’re worried.”

Buffy looked over at the taller man, surprised by the casual assessment.
“Well…yeah.”

“You shouldn’t be,” he said, turning his attention back to the stage.

“I’m a waitress at a bar and he’s one of the leading sex symbols of the
decade. I don’t think you’d call us the poster children for long-term
relationships.”

“You’re being too hard on yourself, Buff,” Angel said with a smile, watching
his client as he blew a kiss at a group of girls, causing them to nearly
melt into an adolescent puddle. “He’s crazy about you.”

“Can I trust him?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest and looking
up at Angel.

“He doesn’t cheat. Yeah, he’s had…quite a few flings in the past, but he’s
as loyal as they come when it comes to relationships.”

“I wasn’t just talking about that,” she said with a raised eyebrow.

“Aaah, the drugs,” Angel replied with an understanding nod before taking a
deep breath. “That, I can’t tell you.” Buffy’s face seemed to close off as
he continued, “If he promised, then I don’t see why not.”

“Now you’re just covering for your client,” she muttered, looking back at
Spike as he tossed her a wink and a devilish grin. She couldn’t help but
smile.

“Actually, I was trying to help out my friend.”

“I don’t expect you to help me or even understand,” she said, turning back
to Angel. “But I don’t have a lot of things that are important to me, and
dating someone I can trust is a big deal.”

“I understand,” Angel said with a nod. “Can I ask why the drugs are such a
big deal and the alcohol is not?”

“To be honest, I’m not crazy about the alcohol,” she said softly. “There’s
a chance of violence, among other things, but I’m asking him to give up
something that I know must be hard,” Buffy paused, taking a deep breath.
“The heroin was something that I couldn’t stand. If he needed it, then he
doesn’t need me, and it was better to know that right now than a month from
now.”

Angel nodded in understanding. “I’m just surprised you didn’t demand that
he give up both, that’s all.”

“I didn’t demand anything,” Buffy said quietly. “I told him that I couldn’t
be with him. He’s the one who wanted…more out of this. I guess time will
tell if he’s a big enough man to let go of the alcohol.”

“You work in a bar and you hate alcohol?” Angel asked, turning to look at
her.

“I work in a bar and that’s why I hate alcohol,” Buffy replied, meeting his
gaze. “I see what it does to people, night after night. I see the ‘kids’
who just want to let loose and have fun for a night and don’t know when to
stop, leading to alcohol poisoning. I see the people who simply drink it
because it tastes good to them. I see the people who are borderline
alcoholics- not strong enough to turn away, but not aware enough to know
that they’re one step away from an early grave. And then I see the same
customers, every single night. It’s an evolution that continues to escalate
until you’re no more than a nameless face sitting at the end of a bar,
staring into a bottle or you make the decision to get behind the wheel of a
car…although, sometimes that happens a lot earlier.”

“Sounds like you speak from personal experience,” Angel replied, raising an
eyebrow in her direction.

“Yeah,” Buffy muttered, looking at the floor.

“Care to talk about it?”

“Not much to tell,” she said with a dismissive shrug, turning away from the
stage. “My dad was really messed up on drugs and alcohol. He got high and
drunk and got in his car.”

“Was he hurt?”

“Went off the road and hit a tree…he and my sister were both killed
instantly,” she said softly, biting her lip to keep from crying at the
thought of Dawn.

“I’m sorry,” Angel said in a quiet voice. “Were you in the car?”

Taking a deep, steadying breath, Buffy shook her head. “No…it was just the
two of them.”

“I’ve gotta ask again…wouldn’t the alcohol bother you more?”

Buffy shrugged, avoiding his gaze. “It should. But he was always worse
when it was a combination of the two. If Will is strong enough to give up
the drugs, maybe the rest can come in time.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

“He could be the exception I’ve been looking for,” Buffy said, smiling at
the thought of Spike’s arms around her, holding her close to him. “There
has to be an exception to every rule, right?”

“Yeah,” Angel said, giving her a gentle smile.

Realizing that she’d just opened up to a virtual stranger, with people
milling around everywhere. Buffy felt her face heat up. “Please don’t tell
William,” she said, looking at Angel.

He gave her an understanding look before nodding. Buffy gasped when she
felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her waist. She was so lost in her
emotions, she didn’t even realize that the concert had ended.

“How’s my favorite girl?” Spike purred, nuzzling her neck.

“You were great,” Buffy said with a smile, turning around in his arms.

“Thanks, luv. Give me a few minutes to shower and we’ll get out of here and
find something more exciting to pass the time,” he said, curling his tongue
behind his teeth and raising a suggestive eyebrow at her, smiling when she
blushed.

“Okay,” Buffy said, relaxing when his lips brushed over hers in a tender
kiss.

“I’ll be out soon,” he murmured, running a hand along her cheek.

Buffy watched him go, breathing a sigh of relief. Maybe there could be an
exception to every rule.

 

Chapter 11 – Do You Trust Me?


“Hey, baby.”

Buffy rolled over at the sound of the familiar voice, her eyes adjusting to
the darkened room.

“William?” she whispered in a groggy voice, trying to focus on him.

“It’s me,” he said softly, trailing a hand along her cheek, smiling as she
struggled to wake up.

“I thought you were getting in tomorrow night,” she said, slowly becoming
more coherent as she sat up.

“I missed you,” he replied, his eyes already perusing her body, clothed only
in a simple white satin nightgown.

Blinking a little bit to focus her eyes, Buffy shivered in the drafty room,
watching as Spike shed his clothes and climbed in bed behind her, spooning
her close to him. “How was the show?”

“Mmm,” Spike mumbled against her throat before pulling away to look at her.
“Nothing interesting.”

“Will, you were in Las Vegas. I would think that’s the most interesting
city in the world.”

“Not without you there.”

Snuggling closer to him, Buffy let her eyes close for a moment. “I thought
you liked touring.”

“I used to,” he said, his breath sending tingles racing through her body.
“But I’ve only been gone a week and I couldn’t stand being without you.”

“I missed you, too,” she whispered, relaxing against him.

“I’m just glad there’s only one show left on this blasted tour,” he said,
his lips returning to her throat. “I can spend the next year with my girl.”

Slowly losing herself in the feel of his body against hers, Buffy moaned,
trying to focus on what he was saying. “Year?” she murmured in confusion.
She and Spike had been together for three months now, and he’d never once
mentioned the future.

“What’s wrong, kitten?” he asked with a soft smile, settling himself between
her thighs. “Didn’t think I’d want to spend my vacation with you?”

“Just surprised, is all,” she whispered breathlessly as his hands slid her
satin nightgown up her body.

“I don’t know why. There’s no place…”

Spike trailed off, sliding into her with ease.

“…I’d rather be,” he finished with a smile, brushing his lips across hers.

Buffy tried to keep her expression neutral, willing her body to get lost in
the feel of him being inside of her.

“Trust me?” Spike whispered, bringing her arms above her head and easily
holding her wrists in place with one hand.

Trying her hardest to ignore the nagging feeling at the back of her mind,
Buffy simply moaned, hoping he wouldn’t ask her again.

Pumping into her with more force, Buffy tried to regain some semblance of
control before giving up and reacting to his body in the way she was
supposed to. She wanted to trust him, but there was always something in the
back of her mind. Always something telling her that she didn’t know if he’d
really stopped taking drugs while he was gone on tour for days at a time.
He always came back to her. Always slipping into her bed in the middle of
the night, craving her touch and her body but giving very little thought to
her.

Buffy was beginning to think he was getting addicted to her. There was
never a night they were together that they didn’t end up in bed or the couch
or up against the wall, and she was starting to feel uneasy with the
situation. She didn’t think he was simply craving sex, because she knew
that he’d been faithful to her, but there was just a part of her that she
held back from trusting him completely.

Buffy gasped when his grip on her wrists tightened as he thrust into her
with abandon. “My girl likes it rough,” he said in a husky whisper.

Biting her lip, Buffy finally pulled her arms from his grasp, twining her
fingers through his hair and guiding his lips to hers in a tender kiss. His
hips never stopped churning against hers, but at least he was giving her some
indication that this was more than just sex for him.

Pulling back and making eye contact with her, Buffy tried to catch her
breath as she looked at him. Seeing the need in her gaze, Spike’s
expression softened before he began slowing down his thrusts. She relaxed
beneath him when he tangled his hands in her hair, leaving a soft kiss on
her lips. His tongue trailed lightly along her bottom lip, begging entrance
that Buffy eagerly granted. Stroking her tongue against his, Buffy smiled
against his lips when she heard the low growl in his throat.

Slowly raising his eyes to hers as they both caught their breath, Spike sped
up his thrusts, cupping her cheek in his hand. “I love you,” he whispered.

Trembling beneath him at the admission, Buffy clutched at his back as a
sudden, intense orgasm ripped through her body. Screaming out his name, she
arched her body against his, seeking even more pleasure as he continued to
plunge into her.

Spike quickly spilled himself inside her welcoming body, clutching her to
him as if he thought she was going to disappear.

Both lay twined together, each trying to catch their breath before Spike
rose up to look at her. “The last show is in town next Saturday,” he said
softly, choosing to ignore his earlier admission for the time being. “Can
you make it?”

Buffy was still quivering from the force of his words as she shook her head.
“I would, but I have to work.”

“I can talk to your boss-”

“No,” Buffy cut him off, shaking her head. “I need to work, Will.”

“I can help with the money,” he whispered, his brow furrowed as he looked at
her.

“I don’t take handouts,” she replied with a soft smile, trailing her hand
along his angular cheekbone. “I like to make my own way.”

“I can understand that,” he said with a soft smile. “There’s going to be a
party at my place afterward. Will you stop by after work?”

“Of course,” Buffy said softly, giving him a bright smile.

Spike didn’t say anything for a moment, looking at her flushed face, bathed
in the silvery moonlight that was spilling through the windows.

“I love you,” he repeated, frowning when he saw an almost panicked look come
over her face. “I don’t want you to say it until you’re ready,” he
murmured. “But I needed you to know that I’m in love with you.”

“I just need some time,” she whispered, looking at him with a hopeful
expression. “Can you give me that?”

Brushing a kiss against her lips, Spike pulled her close, craving contact
with her. “I can give you anything you want.”



 

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