Chapter 1 - On The Job


Buffy Summers practically growled as the stack of papers she was
holding floated to the floor. It was only her second day on the job, and she
already dropped three files, spilled four cups of coffee, and was seriously
worried that she had been the one to break the copy machine. She
thought it was the best day of her life when she got the job at Chase Agency, a
business that was responsible for all of the most popular models out
there. Cordelia Chase had started the business after she had been a model for
a few years, realizing she could make her money work for her. She still
modeled from time to time but was now responsible for creating careers for the
women in her care.

Buffy had been in Los Angeles attending UCLA until summer rolled around,
and she realized she needed a summer job. She applied and, much to her
surprise, was hired to do odd jobs around the agency. The building
was a spacious five stories with soft shades of neutral colors and hardwood
floors throughout the building. Cordelia had wanted to utilize the
space, but at the same time, keep it open and airy. As a result, the first
floor was simply a reception area with overstuffed chairs lining the walls next
to the glass end tables. The receptionist’s desk, which was really a huge
mahogany counter, was directly across from the double glass doors at the front
of the building.

The next two floors were used as offices without the cubbies. A few
desks lined each wall, leaving the middle of the floor open on each level to
make the agency appear even bigger than it really was.

The fourth floor was used as a staging area for Cordelia’s photographer
Doyle, whom Buffy had only met once, but was charmed by his sweet
demeanor. The entire top floor of the building was Cordelia’s office. Buffy had
only been up there once since she arrived the other day, and she hadn’t seen
the famous Ms. Chase, but judging from her office and the building in
general, she had exquisite taste. The elevator opened right into her office,
which was decorated with glass-top furniture, a desk, end tables next to the
sofa, bookshelves lined with pictures of herself and famous people, and a
table against one wall with a beautiful antique silver mirror hanging from
the wall above it. The middle of the office held two black leather sofas
and a matching chair. Stepping out of the elevator to the right was her desk
and black leather chair that matched the set. It was obviously the office
of someone who knew fashion. What had surprised Buffy was what lined the
walls behind her desk- pictures of what looked like Cordelia growing
up, with her family. Buffy hadn’t had a chance to look at any of the
pictures, but she had figured someone like Cordelia Chase couldn’t be bothered by something as inconsequential as family pictures.

Now, as Buffy scooped up the files that were lining the floor in one
of the office areas, she heard a group of people heading toward her. Flipping
the hair out of her eyes, Buffy quickly straightened and began trying to
reorganize the files as she walked. Without looking where she was
going, she bumped into someone and barely managed to hang onto the files she was holding. Looking up as a hand steadied her, she looked right into the
light brown eyes of Cordelia Chase. Buffy suddenly felt very inadequate as
she stared at the beautiful woman. Her hair was in soft curls that fell to
her shoulders, and she was dressed in a comfortable, but chic, pair of dress
pants with a flattering shirt. Buffy glanced down at her own black skirt and
white blouse and had to resist the urge to stick out her tongue at its
boring simplicity.

“You okay?”

“Miss Chase, I am SO sorry. I just didn’t watch where I was going, and
then everything was…bad. I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay, accidents happen.”

“Really?” Buffy asked incredulously.

“Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, a few years ago I probably would have torn
you apart for getting in my way, but I guess we do mature as we get older.”

“Again, I’m sorry, Miss Chase.”

“Call me Cordy, everyone does,” she said with a wave of her hand.
Buffy felt slightly uneasy at the penetrating looks that the young woman was
giving her.

“You work for me?”

“Yeah, files and records, coffee, whatever anyone needs. This is my
second day.”

“Hmmm, I would have thought you were a model.”

“Really?” she asked excitedly.

“Well,” she began as she continued to critique Buffy. “You’re way too
short for the runway, but maybe some print ads. You interested?”

“You’re serious?” she asked disbelievingly.

“I don’t joke about this,” she replied, arching one perfectly sculpted
eyebrow. “But yeah, I think a quick makeover and some black and white
shots would do wonders. Doyle!”

Doyle emerged from the back of the group that had been watching the
exchange.

“Take Miss…?”

“Summers,” Buffy supplied.

“Take Miss Summers with you and work your magic.”

A few minutes later, Buffy was led up to the fourth floor, behind the
dressing rooms and photography area, and saw what looked like a small
salon.

“Cordy’s right, lass,” Doyle said, putting a black cloak around her
neck. “You do have the makings for a good model. Have you ever thought about it?”

“Honestly, it never crossed my mind.”

“All we’re going to do is a tiny trim and a highlight.”

“Highlights?” she asked.

Doyle held up a strand of long blonde hair. “It’s fine the way it is-
we just want to add a softer feel. Maybe a honey-colored shade instead of
a harsh blonde, make it look more natural.”

Buffy nodded as Doyle got to work.

* * * * *

When Doyle finished, Buffy smiled at her reflection. Her hair had only
been trimmed a few inches, still falling halfway down her back, with soft
layers added in. The new shade of blonde did give her a more natural look
and made her appear a little older than her twenty years.

“Doyle, I thought you were just a photographer.”

“Well, yeah, but photography is an art, and you know what they say about
artists.”

“They cut off their own ears?”

Doyle laughed. “They starve. I had to find a day job to pay the bills,
and that’s when I began hairdressing. Happened to do Cordy’s hair one day,
and the rest, as they say, is history.”

Buffy smiled as they walked over to the massive closet. Buffy gasped
as it was opened to reveal hundreds of beautiful, up-to-the-minute styles.

“Oh my God! How do you get all of these things?” she asked, walking
over to inspect a pair of Manolo Blahniks.

“Cordy’s friends with a lot of designers. The majority of these things
are loaners.”

“This is amazing.”

“Yep, now let’s get you dressed.”

As Buffy stepped out of the dressing room in a black Armani dress, she
saw Cordelia talking to Doyle. Turning to face Buffy, she gave her a bright
smile.

“Okay…I didn’t catch your first name.”

“Buffy.”

“Okay, Buffy, here’s how this works. I still need you to keep your
regular job, but Doyle will snap a few pictures of you. I’ll send them out to
anyone looking for a fresh face, and you’ll get a couple of hundred
bucks for every picture that’s sold. Sound good?”

“Sounds great!” Buffy said excitedly.

“Great. Now, you are currently considered a model for the Chase Agency,
which entails some added responsibilities. Just a fund-raiser here or
a charity ball there. Your wardrobe will be provided for these events.”

“This is all so unbelievable. I was just supposed to get the coffee.”

Cordy smiled. “Well, you’ll still be doing that, but now you should
have some extra cash on the side. I take care of my girls, Buffy, and this
is a hard business. There are a select few that can make a career out of it.”

“Well, that’s okay. I’m totally not expecting a career. I’m actually
going back to college in the fall, but this is a wonderful opportunity.”

“Great, then I’ll let Doyle get around to taking those pictures,” she
said, heading for the door. “Oh, by the way.”

Buffy turned as Cordy whirled back around.

“There’s going to be this black-tie event a week from this Saturday.
Clear your calendar.”

Buffy nodded as Doyle began taking some test shots. This was going to
be an interesting summer.

Chapter 2 - Meeting


Buffy stood nervously in front of her mirror the next Saturday, fidgeting
nervously with her dress. The royal blue satin clung to her figure in
a seductive manner that Buffy was not entirely comfortable with. She
apprehensively tugged at the straps in an attempt to hide the
considerable amount of her cleavage that was showing. Pulling on the fabric one more time to no avail, Buffy sighed and adjusted the long skirt. Even in
her matching high heels, the material still brushed along the floor, only
adding to Buffy’s anxiety that she would trip and make a fool of herself. She
wore minimal make-up, only accenting her large hazel eyes and her full lips.
When she heard the buzzer to her apartment, she glanced out the window
and saw the chauffeur standing at the front door. Grabbing her purse, Buffy
headed out the door and down the stairs to the waiting limo.

Pulling up to a huge building a few minutes later, Buffy gratefully
smiled as the chauffeur helped her from the car and began the long climb up
the steps to the beautiful building. Finally reaching the doors, she gave
another smile to one of the doormen as she handed him her invitation.
Entering the building, Buffy gasped and felt suddenly out of place in
the magnificent ballroom.

A huge crystal chandelier hung from the middle of the ceiling. Looking
around the room, Buffy noticed the round tables bordering the room,
leaving the middle open for people to dance to the live band. This was not
what she expected.

Walking over to the bar at the back of the room, Buffy accepted a glass
of champagne and sipped it as she scrutinized the rest of the people in
the area. Suddenly feeling like a little kid in her mother’s clothes,
Buffy nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She bit her lip as
she stared around the room, hoping to spot Doyle, whom she knew would make an effort to help her fit in. Buffy jumped slightly as she felt someone’s
breath tickling her ear.

“You look lost, luv.”

Buffy turned to see the owner of the voice and had to stop her jaw from
dropping at the man standing next to her. His bleached hair was slicked
back, and he had such angular cheekbones- Buffy thought he must be a
model. Looking at his lips, Buffy felt herself leaning forward slightly,
wondering what they would feel like on hers.

“Not lost,” she replied. “Just out of place.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling, pet,” he said, taking a sip of his own
champagne. “So, who invited you to this little celebration?”

“Um, Cordelia Chase.”

“Aaah, the famous Miss Chase. So, you must be the new one.”

“New one?”

“Model, pet. Everyone’s talking about you, how Cordy hand-picked the
file girl.”

Buffy felt a flash of anger as he made her job sound so demeaning.
“Well, at least I wasn’t working a street corner when she found me.”

“Easy, kitten,” he said with a smile on his face. “Retract the claws. I was
simply making a statement.”

“I’m sorry,” she said with an apologetic smile. “I’m just a little on
edge tonight. This isn’t what I’m used to.”

“And what would you be used to, pet?”

“On a Saturday? Oh, usually I have to wade through the men beating
down the door and choose a feasible date out of the herd,” she said with a
teasing smile. Her smile only grew when she saw the flash of jealousy cross
his features. “I’m kidding. Saturday night is usually pizza and a video
rental and then a late night discussion with my mom.”

The man raised an eyebrow. “That’s a little hard to believe, luv.”

“Believe what you want, but I assure you, the second scenario is much
more believable than the first.”

“I think I’m happy to hear that. I’m Spike, by the way.”

“Buffy Summers,” she said, holding out her hand and gasping when he took
it to plant a gentle kiss on the top. “So…did you say you know Cordy?”

“Oh yeah. The two of us go way back. Didn’t always get along, but I
think we’ve settled in a comfortable love/hate relationship.”

It was Buffy’s turn for the stab of jealousy. If Spike wanted a woman
like Cordelia Chase, then Buffy Summers was the polar opposite.

“Oh,” she said softly as she heard her name called. Turning, she saw
Cordy heading toward them.

“Speak of the devil,” she said under her breath.

“Buffy, I’m so glad you made it,” she said, giving Buffy a friendly hug.

“Wouldn’t have missed it,” Buffy said, pasting a smile on her face.

“What? Don’t I get a hug?” Spike said from beside Buffy.

Cordelia turned and looked at the owner of the voice.

“So you made it, too,” she said with less enthusiasm. “And what have
you done to your hair? I thought you were over the whole Billy Idol phase.
How do you ever expect to be successful if people can’t even take you
seriously when they look at you?”

Buffy watched the pair in front of her with interest.

“Well, not all of us have a horde of people to make decisions for
us on a daily basis. Besides, I do just fine, if I do say so myself.”

“Spike, you’re a lawyer. You’re supposed to be representing the street
punks, not turning into one. I mean, how does that reflect on me?”

Buffy was now staring at them in confusion.

“It doesn’t reflect on you at all, princess. And are you really
trying to make a scene in front of all of these fancy people, including, I might
add, your newest addition?”

Cordelia seemed to remember Buffy and spun around to see her.

“Buffy, I’m so sorry. My manners are shot whenever I’m around this
idiot,” she said, gesturing to Spike.

Spike scoffed. “The day you have manners is the day I sprout wings and
fly back to the mother country.”

Cordelia rewarded him with a glare before facing Buffy again. “So, I
see you’ve met my brother."

Chapter 3 - Explaining


Buffy stared at the two in confusion. Brother? How was he her brother?

Cordelia interpreted Buffy’s confused look. “Actually, half-brother.”

“But, you're British,” she said, gesturing to Spike.

“That’s the non-half, luv,” he said with a smirk.

“Same father, different mothers,” Cordy explained. “Spike spent most
of his time growing up in England before he moved here to finish out high
school and has been a permanent pain in my ass ever since.”

“Hey,” he said indignantly.

“Well,” Cordy continued, ignoring her brother. “If you’ll excuse me, I
need to be making the rounds.”

Buffy turned to face Spike. “Brother?”

“Yep. William Chase at your service. Can’t quite get it through your
head, can you?”

“It’s just, you’re both so different.”

“Not really. Just have to scratch the surface a little bit. We’re
both passionate about our work, both have a temper, and we both watch out
for the other.”

“That part must be more cleverly hidden,” she said with a grin.

Spike smiled, gently swirling the champagne in his glass. “She’s my
little sister. I gotta be on the look out for her. Although, she definitely
doesn’t need protecting. The girl’s got a mean streak.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“Care to dance, pet?”

“Sounds good to me.”

Spike took her glass from her and set it down on a nearby table with
his own. Taking her by the hand, he lead her out onto the dance floor and
wrapped her in his strong arms. Both felt the electricity that seemed
to crackle between them as they held each other close.

Spike looked deep into Buffy’s eyes before he spoke. “So, why does
someone like you want to become a model?”

“Quick cash.”

Spike laughed. “At least you’re honest.”

“Seriously, I don’t. Cordy approached me, and it was all a whirlwind.
She’s sold a couple of pictures, and here I am.”

“So what do you want to do?”

“I want to be a teacher.”

“Yeah, that’s different.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I’ve known a lot of models, and nearly all of them have told me
they were destined to be the next big thing. Not one had planned for the
next step in their lives when the cameras were pointed in another direction.”

“A lot of models, huh?”

Spike smiled. “Not in the way you’re thinking. Well…not all of them in
the way you’re thinking. So, what do you want to teach?”

“Kids. I love the age around kindergarten when they’re so open and
willing to learn, and they just look up at you with those big eyes that are
trying to figure out everything as fast as they can.”

Spike looked at her for a long minute. “Like the way your eyes look now?”

Buffy blushed. “Are you calling me a child?”

“No, not exactly. It’s just you have this innocence about you.”

“Is that a good or bad thing?”

“Depends on the circumstances, pet.”

“Like…?”

“Like…the ways of the world. Whether you’re ready to face them head on.”

“Sounds like you speak from experience.”

“I’m an associate at Wolfram and Hart. I think it’s safe to say I’ve
seen a good portion of the things that go bump in the night and the hardships
life can send your way.”

Buffy contemplated him for a minute. “And you don’t think I have what
it takes?”

“Didn’t say that, pet. I’m saying that I’m a guy approaching the
thirty-year mark, and I’m still figuring everything out.”

Buffy stayed quiet for a few minutes as one song blended into another.

“So, where do you go to school, luv?”

“UCLA.”

“Good university. My alma mater. I’m guessing you’re heading into
your junior year?”

“You’d be guessing right.”

“So, is L.A. home for you?”

“It is for now.”

“For now?”

“My mom lives in a little place called Sunnydale. It’s about two hours
away. That’s my home.”

“Home is where the heart is,” he said with a smile.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “Home is where my mom is.”

“So you’re close with her?”

“Yeah. Wasn’t always that way, but she stuck through it for the awful
teen years. I think she read every book she could get her hands on that
dealt with raising an unruly teenager.”

“Didn’t picture you as a trouble maker.”

“I wasn’t. Well, not really. There just always seemed to be a fight
breaking out when I was around, and I’d try and break it up. Eventually,
people just started thinking I was the cause.”

* * * * *

After a long night, Spike drove Buffy back to her apartment.

“Not exactly the Four Seasons, but it works,” she said as he helped her
out of the car.

Spike walked her up to her door and stared at her for a minute as she
turned to face him. There was something about this girl that made him want to
hold on to her. He had never felt this way before, and it was a little
disconcerting. He knew that he had to see her again. She had such an
openness that he found refreshing.

“Can I take you out to dinner next week?”

Buffy smiled shyly, looking at the floor. “I’d like that.” Raising her
eyes to meet his, she saw him smile.

“Great, how about Friday at eight?”

“Sounds good.”

“I’ll see you then.” Spike slowly tilted her chin up and leaned
forward, lightly caressing her lips with his own before pulling away. She’s had
more passionate kisses in her life, but this one made her feel light-headed
as he stepped back and started down the stairs. With a giddy smile, Buffy
let herself in her apartment. As soon as the door shut behind her, she
hopped up and down like an excited little girl.

Chapter 4 - First Date


Throughout the week, Buffy thought Friday would never get there. Now
that it was ten minutes before her date, she began wondering where the time
went as she frantically searched for her other shoe. Finally finding it
under her bed, Buffy slipped it on and gave herself a quick appraisal. She
was wearing a short black skirt and a dark red shirt that had a glitter
substance in the fabric to make it shimmer when she moved. It fitted
her like a halter without the cleavage. The neckline of the shirt came up
to her throat and tied, leaving her upper back and arms bare. She had
curled her hair and secured one side with a silver barrette and added silver
hoop earrings.

When the doorbell rang, Buffy felt a fresh batch of nerves hit her.
Answering the door, she smiled at Spike, wearing a pair of black pants, black button-up shirt, and a black leather. Much different than
the tux he had worn the other night, but he still looked just as good. She
watched him as he looked her up and down appraisingly.

“I take it you don’t like color,” she said, teasing him.

“Why should I wear something else when I look damn good in this?” he
replied with a joking smile. “You ready to go, luv?”

“Ready and able,” she said, locking her door as she followed him out.
Spike reached for her hand as they walked out of the building, “So where are
we going?”

“I figured we’d get something to eat. Maybe see where the evening takes us.”

“Sounds good,” she said as he held the car door open for her.

* * * * *

Later, Spike and Buffy sat in a corner booth of a nice Italian restaurant
with plates of fettuccini and spaghetti. He had to smile at her as she
continuously tried to wrap a noodle around her fork and it kept
slipping off. After the third try, she finally attacked it with the utensil and
sucked it into her mouth. Buffy looked at him sheepishly as she chewed
and tried not to giggle as he did the same thing.

“Okay,” she said after a few minutes. “I’ve told you about me- now you
get to tell me about yourself.”

“Not much to tell. I lived in England with my mum for seventeen years.
Came here every summer to visit my dad and Cordy. When mum passed away, I moved here and finished school and became a lawyer.”

“So your mom died when you were a teenager?”

Spike nodded.

“That must have been horrible!”

“It was a long time ago. I try and remember the good times.”

“So what about you and Cordy? Do you keep in touch?”

“We try and get together a few times a month. Our father’s a bastard,
so we only visit him around his birthday or Christmas if he’s not flying
somewhere with his newest secretary.”

“What about Cordy’s mom?”

“They got divorced a few years ago. Apparently, they didn’t agree on my
father’s affairs. She’s better off without him. What about your parents?”

“Well…Mom lives in Sunnydale and runs an art gallery there. She and my
dad got divorced when I was a sophomore in high school.”

“And your dad?”

“He’s been MIA for the past couple of years. Last I heard, he was here,
but he could be in Spain with his own secretary for all I know.”

“Well now, there’s something we have in common.”

“Yep, the wonderful world of deadbeat dads.”

Spike smiled. “You wanna head out?”

“Sure, where’d you have in mind?”

“There’s a place I know. Great view of the city. Thought we could go
there and talk.”

Buffy nodded and stood from the booth as Spike left some bills on the
table. Placing his hand on the small of her back, he glared at any man who
dared to look at her while she was with him.

* * * * *

Buffy gasped as the lights of the city came into view. They were on a
hill overlooking L.A., and Buffy could barely believe how beautiful it was.
Spike, on the other hand, was busy watching Buffy’s reaction as she
stared in awe.

“Like it, luv?”

“It’s beautiful,” she said softly.

Spike slowly stepped behind her, slipping his arms around his waist.
“You know, I could say something like, ‘It’s not half as beautiful as you
are’, but something tells me you’d laugh at me.”

“It’s the thought that counts,” she said with a smile, turning around
in his arms.

Spike stared at her for a minute, gently stroking her hair, as he looked
in her eyes.

“You’re amazing,” he whispered huskily.

“You don’t even know me,” she replied, fidgeting a little at his serious tone.

“I know enough. I know what made Buffy Summers the woman she is today.”

“Do you? ‘Cause I’m not sure I even know.”

Spike smiled and slowly dipped his head lower, capturing her lips in a
soft kiss. Bringing his hands higher on her back to pull her closer to him,
Buffy moaned into his mouth as her own hands rubbed the hard muscles of
his chest. Spike began to deepen the kiss as Buffy pulled away, disentangling
herself from his grasp before looking up into his eyes.

“I think we should probably go,” she said softly.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No!” she said, vigorously shaking her head. “It’s just…we should probably go.”

Spike nodded and went around to open the car door for her. The ride
back to her apartment was made in silence as Spike pulled up to the curb.
Turning off the ignition, Spike turned to face her. “Buffy…if I did something
wrong, I’m sorry.”

“Spike, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just…I have these feelings
and…I don’t go that far on the first date…and I wanted to.”

Spike suddenly realized what she was talking about and gave her a
gentle smile. “Okay, luv.”

Walking her up to her door, he gave her a chaste kiss and pulled back. “Can
we go out again?”

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

“Great. I’ll call you at work on Monday. We can work out when and
where.”

“Okay.”

“Good night, Buffy,” he whispered, giving her another sweet kiss before
walking away.

Chapter 5 - Sibling Rivalry


Every head in the Wolfram and Hart lobby turned as a very angry
brunette stormed through. Heading for the stairs in the middle of the lobby,
Cordelia Chase quickly climbed them until she reached the second floor.
Promptly walking to the set of wooden doors against one wall, Cordy
passed Spike’s secretary without so much as a second glance. Pushing through the doors to his office, both Spike and his co-worker looked up at the
intrusion.

“William Chase!”

“Uh oh, mate. Sis is using both names- you best get outta here and
save yourself,” Spike said as his friend made his way around the angry woman
and out the door.

“Cordelia, what can I do for you this fine day?”

“You’re dating Buffy Summers?”

“Yeah, what of it?”

“Love ‘em and leave ‘em Chase is dating one of my employees?”

“I’ve already said yes, Cordy, and to be fair, I’m not the only one with
that nickname.”

Cordy glared at her brother as she went to sit on one of the couches
next to the windows. “Spike, we had a deal. No dating each other’s co-workers
or friends. It gets weird when you end it, and then the girl always comes
crying to me, wondering what she did wrong.”

“Who says it’s going to end?”

Cordelia merely arched a sculpted eyebrow at her brother.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Spike…” she said in a warning tone.

“Look, I like this girl, and I don’t want to give her up.”

“Spike, I like her, too, which is exactly why I don’t want to see her
get hurt when you get tired of her.”

“Cordelia, why don’t you spend more time worrying about your love life
and less time obsessing about mine?”

“Okay,” she said with a smile. “You know, I’ve had my eye on that hot
friend of yours who just left.”

“Angel? No, Cordy.”

“What do you mean ‘No’?”

“I mean just what I said- no. My sister is not dating a man who makes
my dating record look like a priest’s.”

“You’re exaggerating, Spike.”

“No, Cordelia.”

“We’ll see,” she said with a smile, gracefully exiting his office.

Chapter 6 - For Her Own Good


Buffy began seeing Spike a few nights each week. They were having a
good time. Buffy was getting better at her job and looking forward to
school starting in a week. Cordelia had sold several photos to some magazines, and Buffy had posed a few more times, gaining a nice profit for her work. Spike, on the other hand, was haunted by what his sister had said to him a few weeks ago.

Tonight, they were enjoying a simple walk through her neighborhood, hand
in hand, after eating dinner in a restaurant a few blocks away from her
place. As they approached her apartment building, Buffy took the first few
steps up to the door before turning to look down at Spike. As he stared at her,
he realized he should let her go. He wasn’t ready to settle down, and
Buffy deserved more than he had to offer. All thoughts immediately left his
head as she leaned forward and kissed him softly. As the kiss grew in
intensity, Spike felt his arms wrap around her waist to pull her closer. Breaking
away, breathless after a few minutes, Buffy looked at Spike with wide hazel eyes.

“Do you want to come up?”

Spike gulped, not sure of his answer. Before he had a chance to think
about it, he found himself nodding as she smiled and turned to lead him to
her apartment.

When the door shut behind him, he felt an overwhelming sense of fear.
He shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t be using this wonderful girl the way
he was. He knew Cordy was right, but it went beyond that. Buffy deserved
a life he couldn’t offer her. He was 29 years old, and she was still in
college. The thoughts were flitting through his head as she led him to
her bedroom.

“Buffy…maybe we shouldn’t-“ His protest was cut off as her lips pressed
to his. Partly out of reflex and partly out of wanting for this woman,
Spike felt his hands drift to the zipper on the back of her dress and slowly
tugged it down. He pulled away from her to gently slip the dress from her body,
growing instantly hard at the feel of her naked back against his
fingertips. He looked at her body in amazement as she stood before him, clad only in a black lace thong. Buffy reached up to cross her arms over her chest
modestly, trying to cover herself.

Spike pulled her hands away as he kissed along her jaw line, whispering
huskily, “Don’t, luv, you’re beautiful.”

Quickly shedding his clothes as she laid down on the bed, Spike crawled
along the covers, meeting her lips once more with a passionate kiss.

“Are you sure, baby?”

Buffy nodded as Spike reached for his wallet to remove a condom. Quickly
rolling it on, he positioned himself at her entrance and pushed into
her body. Spike froze when he was covered by her tight folds, staring down
at her in disbelief as she looked up with tears in her eyes.

“You should have told me, luv,” he whispered, leaning down to nuzzle
her neck.

“I’m sorry,” she said tearily.

“Don’t be sorry. I just wish I’d have known so it wouldn’t hurt as much. Relax, Buffy, I’ll make it good for you, luv.”

He waited until she slowly calmed down before gently moving inside of
her. Wiping the tears from her cheeks, Spike bent down to kiss her. He
smiled when Buffy arched against him, seeking her release.

“Spike…I need more…”

Spike plunged deeper into her wet depths as her cries intensified in
pleasure. Speeding up his thrusts, Spike reached one hand in between
their slick bodies to flick a finger over the bundle of nerves before pressing
down against it. Buffy bucked against him as she screamed out her powerful
orgasm, slowly coming down from the high as Spike pushed into her with
several more thrusts, quickly finding his own release and collapsing on
top of her.

Rolling away from her, he deposited the condom in the trash can next to
the bed and turned back to pull her against his chest.

“I love you.” The whispered words were so soft, Spike almost didn’t
believe she had said them.

“What was that, luv?”

With passion-filled eyes, Buffy turned to him. “I love you.”

Panic hit Spike from nowhere as he bolted off the bed and quickly
looked for his clothes.

“Spike?” Buffy sat up in bed, pulling the sheet with her.

“You don’t love me, Buffy,” he growled as he fastened the belt to his
pants.

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“Spike, what’s going on? I thought you liked me?”

“That’s just it, Buff.” She cringed at the tone he used on her seldomly- used nickname. “I like you. This was all just supposed to be for fun. There
wasn’t supposed to be any confusion and love thrown into the mix.”

Buffy stared at him in disbelief. “Might have helped if you’d filled me
in on this little plan of yours.”

“I know, Buffy, I’m sorry. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. You
don’t love me.”

“Who are you to tell me what I feel?” she asked in disgust. “You don’t
know anything about me.”

“Oh, I know you, Buffy. I know you’re a scared little girl who doesn’t
know what she wants.”

“Who have you been listening to? Because that certainly didn’t come from
the conversations we had.”

“Buffy, I’m the first guy you’ve ever slept with. You don’t know if I’m the
one for you. You can’t know what love is.”

“Well, thanks for clearing it up for me,” she said sarcastically. “I
feel much better now. I guess the answer to this problem is for me to go
out and sleep with a bunch of guys to get you to look at me again!”

Spike closed his eyes and clenched his teeth as he tried to reign in
his emotions. “You don’t want me. You can do better than me.”

“Yeah, that’s becoming glaringly obvious!”

“Don’t do this. I don’t want it to end this way, luv.”

“DO NOT call me ‘luv’.”

“Buffy-“

“No, I don’t want to hear your excuses. I know what you want. You
want to be free and sleep around with as many women as you can. Well, guess what? You get your wish.”

“Buffy, it’s not like that. I’m almost thirty years old- you’re not
even twenty-one yet. I want you to finish college, become what you want
to be, before you settle on anyone!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Spike. I didn’t know falling in love was ‘settling’. My mistake.”

Getting up from the bed, pulling the sheet with her, Spike felt the
sudden urge to pull her into his arms but knew he would be met with a slap in
the face. They stood staring at each other for a few moments- Buffy
wishing he would say that he loved her, Spike wishing she had never told him.
Shaking her head slightly, Buffy moved to push past him as he grabbed her arm.

“I’m sorry.”

“Well, that makes two of us,” she said, not looking at him.

“I didn’t use you, Buffy.”

“Really? I would hate to see how I would feel right now if you had.”

Spike closed his eyes at the hateful words. “I do care for you.”

“Get out.”

“Buffy-“

“You heard me,” she said quietly. “You could only say one thing to
make this better, and I know there’s not a chance in hell of hearing it. So
I want you to leave.”

“I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“Spike…I just want to be alone right now,” she said in a choked voice.

Spike stared into her tear-filled eyes and felt his heart aching to
make it better. But he couldn’t. He didn’t want to lie to her, and he didn’t
want to cause her any more pain. Nodding, he made his way to the door,
leaving her behind. His heart twisted as he heard her anguish-filled sobs from
the other side. He wanted nothing more than to go back to her, but he knew
he couldn’t. She deserved more out of life than him.

Chapter 7 - Sisterly Love


Buffy entered the Chase Agency on Monday with slightly swollen eyes,
concealed as much as she could with her eye make-up. Bypassing the
room used to clock-in, Buffy took the elevator to the top floor. Entering
Cordelia’s office, her boss looked up with a smile.

“Buffy…what can I do for you?”

“Well, Cordy, I kind of needed to talk to you about something.”

“Oh no! Spike broke up with you, didn’t he?”

“How did you…something like that,” she said with a little half-smile,
trying to mask her feelings.

“Buffy, I’m so sorry. My brother can be a real jerk sometimes,” Cordy
said, coming around to stand in front of her employee.

“Yeah…I figured that out.”

“Look…before you ask me…I try not to get involved in his affairs. I
mean, sometimes I do, but usually what he says goes, so I just leave him
alone.”

“No, that’s not it. I know he meant what he said.” Buffy swallowed hard as
she began to get choked up again. “I just came to tell you that I’m quitting.”

Cordelia’s jaw dropped in shock. “Buffy, no. Don’t leave just because
of him. He never even comes here. Well, hardly ever, and anyway, you’re
just starting out. You could have a whole career ahead of you.”

“I know. And I appreciate all the opportunities you’ve given me, really I
do. It’s just…I need a clean break. I don’t want to be a model. I’m going
to focus on school- the new semester starts a week from today, and my
mom said she would help me out until I graduated.”

Cordy stared at the woman in front of her for a long minute before
responding, “I’m really gonna miss you, Buffy. I was hoping we’d get
to be better friends.”

“Yeah, me too…but I need to do this.”

Cordelia nodded, turning to look at a schedule on her desk.

“I’m sorry to leave you in a bind, Cordy. I can work the rest of the day if
you want me to.”

“No, it’s okay. Your shifts were already being downsized with school
starting again. I’m just sorry about my brother.”

“Yeah…me too.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not much to tell. I said something stupid that I shouldn’t have, and
he got scared. After a heated discussion, he left. I don’t expect to see
him again.”

* * * * *

For the second time that summer, Cordelia Chase stormed through Wolfram
and Hart. This time it was not for a semi-friendly chat with her big
brother. Bursting through his office doors, Spike looked up from the drink in
his hand and sighed when he looked up to see her angry face.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Pleasure to see you, too, Cordy.”

“Skip the chitchat, Spike, and tell me what the hell your problem is.”

“I’m guessing you’ve had a nice talk with my ex.”

“Something like that. And for the record, using the word ‘ex’ is not
going to make you feel better after the crap you pulled.”

“So she told you.”

“That she told you she loved you, and you got scared and ran out like a
dog with your tail between your legs?”

Spike’s eyes snapped up to hers at the description.

“Actually,” she continued. “No. She didn’t tell me.”

“Then how-“

“You really don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out the gist
of what happened. She said something and you left. Yeah, I think I can
figure it out. I probably would have eventually, even if she hadn’t said
anything.”

“Listen, Cordelia-“

“No, you listen, Spike! I lost a perfectly good employee because you
couldn’t keep it in your pants.”

“What do you mean you lost an employee?”

“Oh! Did I forget to mention the best part?” she asked sarcastically.
“Yeah, Buffy came in and quit today. Seems she doesn’t want anything
to do with you or your family.”

“She said that?” he asked with a hurt expression.

“She didn’t have to. I figured coming into my office and quitting after you
broke her heart pretty much summed it up.”

“I didn’t want that to happen,” he said quietly, his eyes on the floor.

“Well, guess what? It did. I tried to warn you against this, but nooooo.
Mr. Big Shot lawyer can’t be bothered with the mundane things like, oh,
I don’t know…listening to his sister!”

“Cordelia, you’re being a little melodramatic.”

“So what if I am? You screwed up, buddy.”

“Well, what do you want me to do? You’re the one who told me to end
it!”

“Yeah, before anything started, not following your usual pattern. And
is that why you broke up with her? Because if that’s the reason, then I’m
so gonna have to kick your ass,” she said with an arched eyebrow.

“No,” Spike said through gritted teeth. “I broke up with her because
she can do better than me. The girl hasn’t lived, Cordelia. She’s led a
sheltered life, and if she stayed with me, she’d regret it down the road.”

“Says who, Spike?” she asked, her voice finally softening.

“Says me, that’s who.”

“Spike, you’re a great guy. She would be lucky to have you, and I’m not
the only one who thinks so. She misses you…and I think you miss her, too.”

“I’m not going back to her, Cordelia.”

“I didn’t expect you to, but, Spike, sooner or later, you’re going to have to stop this path you’re on. And I want you to think about what you want when
you decide it’s time to settle down. Buffy’s not the only one who’s
been sheltered- it’s just you’ve led a different kind of sheltered where
you’re comforted by women and money. Eventually, she’s going to move on, and you’re going to miss your chance. It’s time you got over your past issues, William.”

Without another word, Cordy got up and left the office, leaving her
brother behind to contemplate what he wanted out of his own life.

Chapter 8 - Responsibility

2 Months Later


Buffy walked off the UCLA campus relieved. She had passed all of her
midterms, and now she was going home to see her mom for fall break. She
hadn’t seen her since the week before the semester started when she had
decided she needed a trip home to help her heal after the Spike fiasco.

Her mother had listened sympathetically to the edited version of the
story, making Buffy hot chocolate and smoothing her hair like she used to do
when Buffy was a little girl. Buffy had already bought the bus ticket home
and was now heading back to her apartment to pack. As she neared her
building, Buffy was shocked to see a familiar face waiting outside.

“Giles?”

“Buffy,” the older man said softly as he stood up. Buffy and her
mother had been friends with Giles since they moved to Sunnydale.

“What’re you doing here? I thought this was a busy time of year at the
Magic Box.”

“Buffy, I’m afraid I have some bad news.”

”What’s wrong? Is everything okay? Is mom alright?”

“Maybe we should go inside.”

“No, Giles, tell me what’s wrong.”

Giles took a deep breath. “Buffy…your mother passed away yesterday.”

Buffy stood frozen in place.

“No,” she whispered. “No, y-you’ve got it wrong. Mom…mom is fine.
I-I talked to her the other day, and she was f-fine.”

“I’m so sorry, Buffy,” Giles said tearfully.

“Mommy,” Buffy whispered, sounding like a lost little girl.

“Let’s go inside.”

Buffy nodded and let herself be led to her apartment.

“What happened?” she asked once they were inside.

“We hadn’t seen each other for a while, and we were to meet for dinner.
When she didn’t show up at the restaurant, I went to the house and found her
on the couch. The doctors…they said there was nothing anybody could have
done.”

“How…what was wrong?” Buffy asked, almost feeling as if shock was
setting in.

Giles took off his glasses and wiped them clean before continuing,
“Buffy…she’s been fighting a brain tumor since the first of the year.”

“What? But she never…she never told me anything.”

“She didn’t want to worry you. She’d been in remission for the past
few months, and she wanted you to focus on school.”

Buffy felt fresh tears stream down her cheeks as Giles wrapped her in a
comforting hug.

“I need to get home, Giles. I-I should be there.”

“I’ll drive you. I made all of the funeral arrangements. I didn’t
think you should be burdened with it at this time.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, walking away to go pack her things.

* * * * *

The next few days were a blur for Buffy. The constant ache that she felt
never left her- she didn’t feel whole. Both Buffy and Giles had tried
numerous times to locate Hank Summers to no avail, leaving Buffy to feel more
like an orphan. She had no family left. Her friend Willow Rosenburg had
flown in for the funeral but had to leave and get back to school at Stanford.

Xander Harris, who went to UCLA with Buffy, was there with her through
half of the break, but he had to get back to Los Angeles so he wouldn’t
lose his job.

Giles had been there for Buffy through the entire ordeal. Now as she
sat in the office of her mother’s lawyer Wesley Wyndham-Pryce, she suddenly
wished she had taken Giles up on his offer to be present.

“Miss Summers, I was so sorry to hear about your mother. She was a
lovely woman.”

“Thank you,” she said softly. “But please, call me Buffy.”

“Alright, well, I’m afraid I have some distressing news. Your mother’s
insurance policy was a very good one, but I’m afraid it doesn’t help us
at this time.”

“What do you mean?”

“Buffy, your mother didn’t plan on all of the medical bills, and by the
time she realized her monetary problems, no other insurance company would
give her an extra policy. She was paying off what she could, but as it
was, there’s not even enough money left to pay off the funeral home for the
burial and other necessities.”

Buffy sat contemplating what he had just told her. “So…you’re telling
me that my mom was broke…and now I have to pay off the bills?”

“Precisely.”

“How much?”

“We can get into the figures later-“

“How much?” she repeated, cutting him off.

“One hundred thousand and change.”

Buffy felt as though she was going to pass out.

“How is that possible?” she asked, trying to catch her breath.

“Your mother had to have numerous surgeries, check-ups, medication,
x-rays, and she was also in the hospital for many overnight stays. She was
arranging to pay off the debt a little at a time, but now that she’s
passed…” Wesley trailed off, letting Buffy draw her own conclusions.

“This can’t be happening,” Buffy said in disbelief.

“For what it’s worth, I am sorry to be the bearer of such bad news, and
I would like you to know I’m waving my fee.”

Buffy smiled gratefully at the older man. “Thank you.” Taking a few
deep breaths, she asked, “So what now?”

“Well, there are two options that are more appealing than the rest.
The first is you continue to do what your mother was doing. Pay off the
debt in small increments and-“

“And be in debt for the rest of my life,” Buffy supplied for him.

“As unappealing as that sounds, it is the choice most people would
make.”

“What’s the second?”

“Sell your possessions. Your mother’s partner at the art gallery has
already offered to buy out her percentage of the business.”

Buffy nodded. “That sounds like a good plan. I wouldn’t have any idea
what to do with it.”

“That will pay for the funeral costs and a few of the smaller hospital
bills. Another option is to sell your house.”

“My home?”

“Yes. As painful as that may sound, your mother refused to take out a
mortgage on it. She said that she had bought it and would not pay off
her medical bills only to be in debt with the bank.”

“If I sell it…would that pay it all off?”

“If the house goes for its appraisal value, there would only be a few
thousand dollars left on the bill.”

Buffy nodded in understanding as she stared down at the floor. “Which
means I’d have to sell the car, too.”

“You don’t have to sell anything, Buffy. It is entirely your decision.”

“It’s just as well,” she said with a shrug. “I don’t drive that much
anyway. What about school?”

“This semester is paid for, but after that…well, that’s up to you.
What about scholarships?”

“No,” Buffy said, shaking her head.

“Student loans?”

“That may be my only option.”

“Take a few days and think it over.”

“I don’t need a few days. I’ll do it.”

“Buffy, this is your home we’re talking about.”

“No…I don’t have a home anymore. Being there is too hard, now that
she’s…I have what’s important. I have memories and pictures and things that
were special to her. Sell the house, Wesley."

Chapter 9 - New Job


By the time Christmas break rolled around, Buffy was exhausted. The
house and car had both sold rather quickly, and Buffy had paid off the debts
that were owed. She had finished up with school, and although it was
Christmas break to most of the other students at UCLA, to her it was good-bye.
She was still staying in Los Angeles since she really didn’t have a place
to go. Instead of taking out a student loan, Buffy had gotten a job as a
waitress at Caritas where Xander was a bartender. She had decided to
save her money and try to go back to school in the fall, but for now, she was
focusing on working.

Buffy had briefly thought of going back to Cordelia and asking her for
a second chance. She knew Cordy would help her out, but that would be
like rubbing salt in a wound still too fresh for her liking.

No, Buffy had asked Xander to put in a good word for her, and now she
had a job in a halfway decent environment. The tips were good, even if the
uniforms weren’t that great for working in.

‘If you could even call it a uniform,’ Buffy thought as she clocked in
for her night shift. Catching a glimpse of herself in the tiny mirror of
the office, she gave her reflection a half-hearted smile. Her boss Lorne
was a decent guy. He was only at Caritas on weekends, and he made it a very
comfortable environment to work in. Lorne looked out for his employees,
especially the waitresses. Never overstepping the bounds, he had taken
a shine to Buffy and was becoming as overprotective toward her as Xander
was.

Now, Buffy pulled her long hair up off her neck, twisting it and
pinning it in place with a few pins. Letting the curls spill out of the top of
the little knot she had created, she smiled at Lorne as he walked in the
room.

“Hey, cupcake,” he greeted as he walked over to his desk, which was in
the same room. Glancing up at Buffy, he smiled. “You should be a
hairdresser with that fancy little ‘do of yours.”

“I learned from the best,” Buffy said, smiling at the thought of Doyle,
as she grabbed her small white apron.

“Go knock ‘em dead,” Lorne said as Buffy headed out of the office.

“Don’t I always,” she said with a smile as she passed through the door.
Grabbing a tray from behind the bar, Buffy gave a little wave to Xander
as she headed to her first table of the night.

Buffy smiled and flirted with the male customers, most of them regulars. If there was one thing she had learned when she started working here, it was a smile would go a long way in order to get the better tips.

Halfway through her shift, Buffy stepped behind the bar, standing next
to Xander as he mixed a drink.

“Why the long face, Buffster?”

“No reason,” she said. “Just ready to finish up, I guess.”

“I hear ya. It’s packed tonight.”

“Friday night in a karaoke bar. At least the tips are on the good
side,” she replied as she straightened her black mini-skirt. Lorne had one
rule for the girls- they must wear color. Black skirts with bright tops was the template. Whether it was a spaghetti-strapped tank top or a tube top, he
didn’t care as long as it was bright. He said it helped set the ambiance for
the club. Buffy was fine with that. Every night she went to work, she
felt like she was going out to a dance club. It was much better than a
polyester uniform. Tonight, she had chosen a hot pink spaghetti-strap shirt to go
with her skirt and stylish black knee-high boots.

“So what’s up for you after work, Buff?”

“Oh, you know me. The usual hot date.”

Xander gave her a questioning look.

“Yep,” she continued. “A movie with my guys…Ben and Jerry.”

Xander smiled. “So what’s on the menu tonight?”

“I believe that would be chocolate fudge brownie.”

Both enjoyed a laugh as two new customers caught her eye. Buffy made
eye contact, and her smile immediately faded as she looked into the blue
eyes that she hadn’t seen in months. Spike.

* * * * *

Spike walked into the bar with his friend Lindsey McDonald after working a late night. All he wanted to do was go home and relax, but Lindsey had managed to convince him to spend the night out.

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” he muttered. “And if
you think that I’m going to soddin’ sing, you’ve got another thing…”

Spike trailed off as he glanced up at the bar and saw the woman who had
been the object of his thoughts for the past five months.

“Bloody hell.”

Lindsey looked over at his friend and followed his eye-line to the bar.
“Pretty girl,” he said, taking in the view. He watched with interest
as the girl appeared to be flirting with the bartender and laughing as Spike
glared at the man she was talking to. When the girl looked up and
caught Spike’s eye, Lindsey watched as her smile instantly faded. Looking at
his friend with interest, Lindsay raised an eyebrow. “One night stand?”

“Somethin’ like that,” he said as his eyes never left Buffy. Spike
watched as she said something to the bartender, leaning closer to him, which he
felt comfortable with, and no way was he going to analyze the feelings of
jealousy coursing through him.

Buffy grabbed a pen and headed over to the table. “What can I get
you?”

“Hello, Buffy,” Spike said.

“Spike.” She barely glanced at him in acknowledgement.

“What’re you doin’ here, pet?”

“What’s it look like? I’m working.”

“You know what I mean, Buffy. Why are you working here, and what the
hell are you wearing!” he demanded as he comprehended what she had on.

“For money, and I’m going to ignore the other comment. Now that your
questions are answered, are you gonna order or not?”

Lindsey, who had been watching with interest, spoke up. “Hi, I’m
Lindsey McDonald, I work with Spike.”

Buffy shook the hand he offered and replied, “I won’t hold that against
you, Mr. McDonald.”

Lindsey laughed at the nerve of this girl. Not many people crossed
Spike, and it was always a pleasure to meet someone who wasn’t scared of his
imposing demeanor, especially if she was barely over five feet tall.

“We’ll take a couple of beers.”

Buffy nodded and walked away. Spike stared after her as she turned her
back to them and leaned over the bar to tell the man what she needed. He
felt another flash of jealousy as her skirt slid up her shapely legs and
nearly every man in the bar turned to stare at the view.

“So, what’s the story, Spike?”

“No story, mate,” he replied, never taking his eyes off the blonde.

“Come on. Hostility like that, and you didn’t do something to piss her
off?”

“Nothing worth mentioning.”

Lindsey nodded. He knew what happened anyway. It was the same thing
that happened with every girlfriend Spike had. He got his enjoyment out of
the relationship and left.

Lindsey looked up as Buffy put a beer in front of him. “Thanks, darlin’.”

She gave him a bright smile. “No problem.”

Both men stared as she turned, and with a sway of her hips, made her way
back to the bar.

“I’ll be right back,” Spike said, standing up and heading over to her.

“Buffy.”

Buffy turned and raised an eyebrow at him in response.

“Why are you working here, pet?”

“I already told you.”

“Don’t play coy with me, luv. You know what I mean.”

“Spike, there’s nothing to tell. I got a job, I needed the extra
cash.”

“What about your mum? I thought she was helping you out.” He watched
as an unidentifiable expression flashed on her face.

“Things don’t always work out the way you plan.” Buffy turned away from him
and headed off to check on another table.

* * * * *

Spike and Lindsey stayed in the bar until midnight before heading out.
Buffy had traded tables with another waitress, much to Spike’s
frustration, and he hadn’t talked to her again.

Now, he stood outside the door of the bar, smoking a cigarette, when he
heard the door open. Buffy walked out, pulling her coat tightly around
her figure and sighed when she spotted Spike.

“What do you want?” she asked as he stubbed out his cigarette.

“To talk to you.”

“We talked. You can leave now.”

“Don’t act like this, Buffy.”

“Why shouldn’t I, Spike?”

“Please, Buffy.”

“What do you want to talk about?” she asked with a heavy sigh.

“I wanted to ask you a few questions.”

“And if I answer them, then you’ll leave?”

Spike gave an abrupt nod in response.

“Ask away,” she said as she began walking away from him.

“First of all, how are you getting home?”

“I’m walking, next question.”

“You bloody well are not! You live more than twenty blocks away!”

Buffy turned to stare at him incredulously.

“I’ll drive you, Buffy. It’s not safe.”

“I’ve been doing just fine for the past two months, and I think I run
more of a risk getting hurt by being alone with you,” she said as she began
walking again.

“Touché, luv, but it’s still not safe.”

“Think what you want, Spike. I’m not getting in a car with you.”

“Then I’m walking with you.”

“Do what you want, it’s a free country,” she muttered.

They walked in silence for a few minutes before Spike continued, “If
you needed money, why wouldn’t you go work for my sister?”

“Because she’s your sister,” Buffy answered softly.

Deciding to steer away from the touchy subject, Spike changed the
topic. “What classes are you taking next semester?”

He watched with curiosity as Buffy sighed. “I’m not.”

“You’re not?”

“I’m not enrolled for next semester.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I can’t afford it.”

“And as I said before, I thought your mum-“

“My mom is dead, Spike!” She whirled to face him with tears shining in
her eyes as Spike stared at her in surprise.

“Buffy…when?”

“A few months ago,” she said, directing her gaze at the ground.

“Why didn’t you call me? I-I could’ve helped…I could have been there.”

Buffy looked at him in disbelief. “Yeah, because you’ve made such an
effort to want to be there with me.”

“Buffy, don’t-“

“Don’t what?” she asked, throwing her arms up in exasperation. “Don’t
make you feel bad? Don’t be hurt by what you did? Don’t love you? Is that
it?”

“You still love me?” he asked, not sure if he wanted to know the
answer.

Buffy’s lips hardened into a tight line. “It’s not an emotion you just
turn off.” Spinning on her heel, she quickened her pace to get home.

Spike jogged after her. “Buffy, luv, wait.” Grabbing her arm to stop
her, he stared into her sad eyes. His heart wrenched at the pain below the
surface. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said, pulling her arm free and turning away
from him. “You don’t love me,” she said quietly, knowing that he was
following close by her side. “You did the right thing. I get that now. It took
me a while to figure that out, but I get it. I just have one question.”
Stopping, Buffy turned to look into his eyes. “Was it me?”

“Was what you, luv?” he asked in confusion.

“Was I not…good?”

Understanding dawned on Spike’s features as he gently reached out to
caress her cheek. “You were amazing,” he whispered huskily.

Buffy relished the feel of his hand before nodding and turning away.
She could feel his arm brushing hers as they walked in silence.

“How did it happen?” Spike asked a few minutes later.

“She had a tumor,” Buffy replied, knowing what he was asking. “She
never told me. I was going home to see her…and a family friend met me at my
apartment. Told me she’d…” Buffy trailed off with a choked up voice.

Gently resting his hand on the small of her back, Spike spoke softly,
“I’m so sorry, luv.”

Buffy nodded, getting her emotions under control. “Yeah…me too. I
just wish…I wish she was here. I wish that…that I could go home to her.”

“What about the money?” he asked when she composed herself. “Surely
the insurance-“

“Is gone,” she cut him off. “There were too many expenses. Lab work
and medical evaluations, surgeries…the works. I had her lawyer put the
house on the market. Sold the car and had just enough left over to finish this
semester. Not a lot of good it did me. I can’t say I was the best
student the past two months.”

“You had reason not to be.”

“I guess.”

“What about student loans?”

“I don’t want to be paying them off for years. I’m working at Caritas,
making decent money. Hopefully, I’ll have enough to go back in the
fall.”

“Why are you working there? Why not some place closer to home?”

“Friend of mine is the bartender. Got me the job when I needed one.
Hours are reasonable, tips are better than average, and my boss is a really
nice guy. I could have it a lot worse.”

“So you’re done with Sunnydale?”

Buffy looked at him in surprise that he remembered where she was from.
“No. Not entirely, anyway. There’s still a man that I’ll keep in touch
with. I’ll probably take a few visits a year.”

Spike felt that annoying flash of jealousy at the mention of another
man. “So, you’ll be spending Christmas with him then?” he asked curiously.

“No,” she said softly, looking at the ground. “He’s going out of town.
He visits his own family around Christmas.”

“So what are your plans?”

Buffy shrugged. “Holidays are about family. I don’t have that anymore.”

Spike felt his eyes burn as they began to water with pain for this poor
young woman.

“Look, Spike,” she said, shaking her head to try and clear out the
emotions. “I appreciate you walking me home and all, but I am a big girl. I can
make it the rest of the way. I’ve been doing it for a while now.”

“Buffy, I’m not leaving you.”

Buffy almost snorted at the irony of his statement. They made the rest
of the walk in silence, finally reaching the steps of her building.

“Thank you,” she said softly, turning to face him after climbing up a
few steps. Suddenly, memories assaulted them both of another time when
they were in the same position, under very different circumstances.

“Thank you for talking to me.” Spike’s voice had taken on a husky
quality as memories of their one and only night flooded his brain. Reflexively
taking a step closer to Buffy, he felt lost when she turned and fled through
the door. Standing on the step for a few moments to gather himself together,
Spike turned and started the long walk to his car.

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