Chapter 9:

As time passed, Buffy and Spike got closer and closer. Their chaste but memorable kiss opened up the gates to late night movie fests, long conversations, nights out on the town and many dinners. However, the kiss also paved the way for longing, loneness and lust...

Spike's heart broke a little more every time he was with her. To not be able to touch and feel her like he wanted to was really starting to take it's toll on him. He had thought that his little 'crush' would fade out as he got to know her but it only added gas to the fire. Even though his 'breakup' with Dru had only been a month ago, Spike knew that his feelings were not of the rebound variety and with every minute that passed, his feelings grew stronger.

Buffy wasn't fairing well herself. Whenever she'd get around Spike, everything else seemed to fade into the background. It was like he was all that mattered. She felt so comfortable with him. She could cry, laugh and even scream if she wanted to. He was everything that she had ever wanted in a man and more. If only she had met him BEFORE she decided to move in with him. Not only was Spike her roommate but he was also her friend and Buffy had always believed that a friendship between a man and a woman would be ruined forever if it became something more. She couldn't lose that friendship with him. Yet the closer Buffy got to him, the closer she was to telling him how she felt.

Both of them continued to ignore what had happened only weeks before. Talking about it would only make the situation more realistic and that wasn’t something that the both of them were ready to deal with yet.

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Spike had took his time before he called Angel about the job. Some would say that that wasn't a smart move considering how wanted that job would be for a lot of people but Spike knew that the chances of Angel hiring someone else so quickly were slim to none.

When Spike made his way into the office of the 'Sunnydale Post' on Tuesday morning, he was greeted by a blonde receptionist.

" Good morning, luv. I'm here to meet with Mr. Liam." Spike greeted with a small smile. The woman looked up a him for a brief moment and then returned to her paperwork.
" Name?" she questioned.
" William Hamilton. I'm here for-" Spike began to explain.
" I know what you're here for." pause. " So...you're William Hamilton." the blonde observed.
" Have we met?"
" No no. I've just been a big fan of your work since I can remember." she admitted. Spike looked a little taken back by her admission and just stood there mouth agape. He had never met anyone who was a fan of his work. " Don't look so surprised. You’re really good."
" Thank you." he croaked out.
" Don't mention it This place could use a guy like you. Angel would have to be a fool not to make you apart of the team." Before anything else could be said, her phone rang. She excused herself to answer it. " How can I help-" Looking up at Spike, she continued. " He just walked in. I'll do just that. You're welcome." she finished before hanging up the phone. " Angel is ready for you. I'd wish you good luck but something tells me that you're not gonna need it." she smiled . " I’m Darla by the way."
" Nice to meet you, Darla. I guess I'll go see the man they call Angelus." Spike replied confidently but Darla could see that he was kind of nervous.
" You'll do fine. I'm sure of it. If you need anything, just yell." she responded. Spike gave her a high beam smile and thanked her before walking towards Angel’s office. He knocked and entered.

" Glad to see you again, Willy." Angel greeted.
" You too, Peaches. How've ya been?" Spike asked as he made himself comfortable in the chair in front of Angel's desk.
" Busy as hell." Angel complained.
" You know what they say: All work and no play makes Angel-"
" Even busier." he finished with a chuckle. " Let's get down to business, shall we?"
" We shall." Spike motioned for him to proceed.
" Did Xander tell you about the position that's being offered?"
" Not much. I was hoping that you'd be some help in that department."
" Well, it's a two page space and you'll have freedom to do whatever you want with it." Angel explained shortly.
" No limits?" Spike asked skeptically. The last thing he need was another “troll” for a boss.
" Depends. As long as you're article appeals to the reader, then I won't limit you." he answered.
" What about poetry?" risked Spike.
" That's fine. You'll just have to write enough of it to fill two pages." then suggested, " You could even showcase other people's poetry in your column."
" That's exactly what I had in mind." Spike grinned. * This is going better than I expected it to. Maybe this Angel git isn't as bad as I thought he was.*
" Perfect. When can you start?" Angel asked eagerly.
" When do you want me?"
" Well, it's too late to get you in this print of the paper. Why don't you work on your poems so they'll be ready for the next print out. How does next Monday sound?"
" It's fine. Is there anything else?"
" Welcome aboard." Angel welcomed with a handshake.
" I really appreciate this Angel. I know we didn't part on the best terms last time we met but-" Spike tried.
" Dust in the wind. The truth is, you're really a great writer and it would be an honor to have you on the team." Angel broke in honestly.
" Well, I'll try my best not to let you down." Spike vowed.
" I'm sure you'll do you're best. See you Monday." Angel politely dismissed. Spike got half way to the door before Angel's voice stopped him. " Friday is the third anniversary of the paper. I'm hosting a party at the Sunnydale Plaza. You should come. It'll be a nice way for you to meet everyone." he suggested.
"I'll be there." agreed Spike before he walked out of the office.

" Yep. Life was really good! * he thought all the way home.

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Since Buffy didn't have to be at work, she planned a day at the mall. As she sat down to put on her waling shoes, she heard someone enter the apartment.

"Buffy? Are you here?" Spike asked as he got further and further into the apartment.
" I'm in my bedroom, Will." short pause. " How'd the interview go?" she yelled back.
" Why don't you come out here and I'll tell you." Spike returned.. Not even three seconds later, Buffy was trailing out of her bedroom. She was wearing some hip hugger blue jeans and a sleeveless baby blue top. It was times like this when Spike thought she looked her best. Not that he like didn't it when she was all dolled up but he loved it just as much when she was all natural.

" Hey you." Buffy greeted with a smile as she seated herself on the couch to continue putting on her shoes. It was kind of hard to do that with Spike looking the way he did. He was wearing black slacks, black shoes, and a red buttoned down shirt that was covered with a waist length leather jacket. He rarely ever dressed up so imagine how much of a treat this was for her not that he looked bad when he wore his usual attire.
" Hey yourself." he returned and sat down next to her. didn't say anything for a few long moments and Buffy wondered if something was wrong.
" Are you gonna tell me about the interview or am I gonna have to guess?" she teased but when she saw the look on his face her teasing mood ceased. " The interview did go okay, right Will?"
" No, it didn't go okay." he answered not meeting her eyes and trying desperately to keep the smile off his face.
" Oh Will. I'm so-"
" It went better than OK. I got the job, Buffy!" he interjected happily.
" You did? That's great! Why would you make me think that you didn't get it?" she asked with a pout.
" I gotta get my kicks somehow, luv." he smirked. If at all possible, Buffy's pout became more pronounced.
" If I weren’t' so happy for you, you'd be in big trouble mister." she joked. Spike chuckled in response. " Spike, I'm really happy for you. You deserve this."
" Thanks, pet." he replied while he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
" You know what have to do now, don't you?" at his amused but unknowing look, Buffy continued. " We have to celebrate!"
" I'd love to and I have an idea on exactly what we can do."
" Do tell." Buffy look very interested. Being with Spike was always fun. It didn't matter what they did.
" My editor is having a party on Friday night and it would give me great pleasure if you would be my date." spike emphasized the word 'great'.
" Would it now?" Buffy blushed.
" Oh yeah. I can see it now: All the other blokes at the party giving the me envious looks because of the goddess that's on my arm. I get tingles just thinking about it." he teased with a wistful expression. Buffy giggled.
" You're a goofball."
" You're beautiful." Spike retorted with no teasing in his voice.

Buffy loved when he did that. He'd be all funny and adorable one moment and then when she least expected it, he'd be all intense and sexy. The way he would look at her just made her burn all over. His eyes burned right through her. Buffy looked away before he saw to deep.

" I gotta go. I'm meeting Anya and Willow at the mall." she announced as she got up reluctantly from the couch. * I miss him already.* " It's a good thing I'm going shopping. I have absolutely nothing to wear." gasped Buffy as she grabbed her jacket and purse.
" I'm sure you'll look great in whatever you wear." Spike assured. He walked her to the door.
" Are you sure that you don't wanna tag along? It could fun?"
" And be out numbered by the three of you. I think I'll pass." Spike declined.
" Suit yourself. I'll be back in a hour or two."
Spike pretended to look at his watch before quipping, " In other words, you'll be back just in time for sunrise?"
" Ha ha ha. Very funny, you jackass." Buffy shot back playfully as she exited.
" Love you to, princess." Spike yelled down the hall after her. Buffy wasn't aware that Spike really meant what he said.

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Chapter 10:

Buffy arrived at the mall with a big smile on her face e. Spike had asked her out. Okay...maybe he didn't mean it in a 'date' sort of way but he still wanted her to accompany him to a party.

* He could've gotten any girl to with him but he wanted me. *

Buffy did not want to make more out of the situation.

* He probably couldn't find anyone on such short notice. * apart of her figured
" But today is Monday and the party is at the end of the week. That's more than enough time to find a date. He obviously had you in mind for his date. * the bigger part of her countered with.

Before Buffy could start an argument with herself, she spotted Willow, Anya and Tara at the entrance of the mall.

" Hey you two. Hi, Tara." Buffy greeted as she got closer to them.
" Hey, Buffy. I hope you don't mind Tara tagging along." Willow looked nervous.
" Of course I don't mind. The more the merrier. I just hope she can keep up with all the killer shopping that's about to take place." joked Buffy.
" Willow prepped me really well. I think I can handle it." Tara returned with a smile.
" Spike didn't want to join us?" Willow questioned surprised. To her, Buffy and Spike were always together. No that Willow was jealous but those two seemed to be joined at the hip.
" Nope. He didn't want to be out numbered by a bunch of girls." Buffy answered.
" In my experience I've found that most men find being surrounded by more than one woman enjoyable. Maybe Spike's gay." Anya joked. Willow and Tara giggled in response. Buffy, however, was not laughing.
" Spike is NOT gay! I mean, there's absolutely NO way that he is gay. He's not gay!" she exclaimed.
" Yeesh, Buffy. It was a joke. We know he's not gay." Willow soothed. * What's gotten into her?*

Willow and Tara were beyond confused at Buffy's unexpected outburst but Any a was very aware of it's origin. In fact, she had known for quite some time. Instead of making it known, Anya kept quiet.....for now.

" I...umm.. Of course I knew it was a joke. Ha ha ha ha ha." *Get a grip, Summers.* " Hey! I've got an idea. How about we go get something to eat before we start out big shopping spree? how's an early lunch sound?" Buffy said anything to sway their attention from her exclamation. She didn't want them to figure it out.
" I can't eat another bite after the breakfast Tara made me but the two of you can go. we can meet back here in about 45 minutes." Willow suggested.
" Fine. Let's go, Buffy. I'm starving1" Anya grabbed Buffy and headed towards the food court before anything else could be said.

* It's time that Buffy confessed her little secret.* Anya thought sneakily.

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Spike was wrong when he thought he wouldn't ever have to set foot in his last place of employment again. he had unintentionally left some of his belongings in his desk at the office. sure, he could buy new materials but he really didn't see the point. besides, he wasn't gonna let that troll Snyder scare him into submission.

Spike took the elevator to the fifth floor of the building. He took a deep breath before walking to where 'his' desk used to be. A voice stopped him before he made it half way there.

" what's up, Will?" Xander greeted.
" Hey, Whelp. I just came by to pick up the rest of my things." Spike replied.
" Oh. I didn't think you'd have use for any of that stuff. It's not like you have a job yet. No offense." he returned.
" One: It doesn't matter if I have use for my stuff because it's MY stuff. Two: I DO have a job. Three: None taken." Spike grinned at Xander's dumbfounded expression.
" You called Angel? You got the job?" Xander question expectantly.
" Yes and yes. I went in for an 'interview' this morning. He hired my on the spot." Spike used air quotes for the word interview.
" That's great! When do you start?"
" Next Monday. In the mean time, I have to prepare for the next print out. He have me my own article to do what ever the bloody hell I want with it?"
" And what exactly are you gonna do, Mr. Hamilton?" Xander's voice took on the tone of a formal reporter's.
" he liked my poetry idea so I'm gonna run with that."
" You, of all people, deserve this. I'm so happy for you." Xander replied genuinely.
" Thanks, mate. Hey! The boss is having a party on Friday night. Why don't you and Anya come along with us?" Spike suggested.
" Us?" * Please don't tell me that Dru is back!*
" Me and Buffy."
" Oh! You and Buffy." he sighed with relief. " I ask An about it tonight but I'm sure she'll be game."
" Cool." Spike walked to his desk, grabbed the things that he had left and put them in a plastic bag. Xander watched him for a moment before trying something out.
" So....it's gonna be like a double date then?" Xander asked. Spike was too busy with the packing of the question that he didn't think before he answered.
" Yeah. Something like tha-NO!! It's not a double date! It's not a date at all! Spike realized just in time what Xander had done and amended his words before he said something that he shouldn’t.
" Are you sure about that?"
" I'm positive. We're just friends, Whelp. We're nothing more." Spike said firmly but Xander hear the disappointment in his voice.
" Would you like for it to be more?" he pushed.
" Xander, let it go."
"Answer the question."
" Fine! Yes! I want to be with 'er but I can't." Spike exclaimed annoyed.
" Why not? It's not like she's seeing anyone, she lives with you so you don't have to worry about finding out her bad habits and pet peeves cause you know 'em already and most of all, she's hot!" Xander replied as if it were that simple.
" It's not that simple, Whelp. She's my ROOMMATE! As much as I want to, and I do want to, I can't make that move with her. The relationship we have would be ruined and I wouldn't give that up for anything. I don't want to loose anything with her." Spike explained.
" No one said that you had to loose anything with her, Spike. If you told her how you felt, you would only gain more."
" Even if I did tell 'er, there's no way she would feel the same. A girl like that doesn't fall for a sod like me." replied Spike surely.
" What is that supposed to mean?" Xander asked with a confused expression.
" If you haven't noticed, I'm pretty fucked up! I girl like Buffy wouldn't want to be with someone like me. I'm not worth of a girl like her." Spike sighed.
" You know, I think that bleach has finally taken a bad turn on your brain cells." Xander said halfheartedly. Spike's head snapped up at the comment.
" Watch it, mate." he growled.
" Sorry, man but you're not serious are you? I mean, any girl would be luck to have you, INCLUDING Buffy." Xander tried to assure but Spike wasn’t' having it.
" I'm so glad you think so highly of me, Whelp."
" I'm serious and what's this about her not feeling the same way? That girl is crazy about you!"
" She is not." Spike wouldn't allow himself to believe such a thing.
" She is too! Have you ever noticed the way she looks at you when you walk into a room or the way flirts? I have. She's always taking about you and how important you are to her. When ever you're around her, all of us just seem to fade into the background. That girl is head over heels in lo-"
" DON'T SAY IT!" Spike warned with a stern glare.
" Why not? Because I'm right?" Xander pushed.
" You're wrong. Buffy would never fall for someone like me." Spike was certain of that.
" No, man. You're wrong. As a matter of fact, I think she already has."
" Can we just drop this? I'm gonna swing by the mall to pick up Buffy." Spike grabbed his bag and exited the office with Xander on his heels.
" See? Right there! If that doesn't prove my point I don't know what does." Xander exclaimed.
" Goodbye, Xander." and then Spike was gone.

As Spike drove to the mall, he wondered if what Spike had said was true.

* Could Buffy ever fall for me? Has she ALREADY fallen for me?*

He'd find out soon enough.....

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Chapter 11:

Buffy and Tara sat in the center of the food court teen minutes after they had parted with Willow and Tara. Buffy had ordered a fruit salad and blueberry muffin. Anya enjoyed the same. The two blondes sat in silence for a while before Anya decided to find out if her assumptions were right. She stared intently at Buffy as if the answered would just appear on her face. It didn't take Buffy long to realize that Anya was staring at her.

" What?" Buffy questioned nervously. It felt like Anya was trying to read her mind or something.
" Nothing." Anya shrugged. Buffy picked up her glass of ice tea. Before taking a sip she returned,
" Why are you staring at me like that then?" she asked and then took a sip of her drink.
" I guess I was just trying to find out if you and Spike have given each other many orgasms yet." Anya said bluntly. Buffy choked on her tea in response. it took a couple of minutes for her to respond to what Anya had just said.
"Wha-What?" Buffy gasped.
" I mean, he is a major hottie. I wouldn't be surprised if you banged headboards with him. Plus he's really-"
" STOP! Anya, please stop. I am not sleeping with Spike." * I'd like to. Bad bad Buffy!!*
" Why not? It's obvious that you're in love with him."
" What makes you think that?!" Buffy tried her best to sound calm but failed. Had Anya figured her out? " I'm not in love with Spike. I mean, sure, I love him a friendly sort of way but I don't LOVE him. I DON'T LOVE Spike. Nope." Buffy rambled
" I know I haven't known you for that long but in the short time that I have known you, I've come to learn that you can't lie worth shit." Anya teased.
" I'm serious." Buffy replied paying more attention to her food than to Anya's eyes.
" Then why can't you look me in the face?" asked Anya.

Buffy sighed deeply. There was no use lying to her now.

" Alright, alright, alright. I'm in love with Spike. I love spike. Are you happy now?!" Buffy exclaimed. A couple of shoppers looked at her with confused expressions. She blushed and smiled at them hoping to reassured them that everything was okay.
" I'm happy now but you're not."
" What do you mean?" Buffy pushed her food away. she didn't really have the stomach to eat anything.
" Well, you haven't told him how you feel have you?"
" NO! Of course not!" responded Buffy.
" I rest my case." Anya supplied.
" I can't tell him how I feel, Anya. It's not that simple." Buffy muttered.
" So make it that simple!"
" I can't! He's my roommate!"
" So!" Anya couldn't believe that Buffy was being so stubborn about this.
" So?! You know as well as I do that it always ends in heartache when friends become lovers. Not only that but I LIVE with him. I don't want to ruin anything with him. Not with him." Buffy didn't want to think about what she would do if she didn't have William as her friend. She hadn't known him long but he already had a huge part of her life.
" You're not gonna loose anything with him. I think you should tell him how you feel." Anya pushed.
" And then what? Even if I did tell him that I loved him, there's no guarantee that he feels the same way?" she said. Anya just looked at her as if she had gone nuts.
" Are you sure you weren't born a blonde?" she finally spoke up.
" Hey!" huffed Buffy.
" He's crazy about you?" she informed. Buffy looked up in surprise.
" He is?" she asked timidly. " How do you know?"
" Well, first of all, I know everything." Buffy rolled her eyes. " And secondly, it's in his."
" Huh?" Buffy didn't get it.
" Oh come on! Haven't you ever noticed the way his face lights up when ever you're around, or the way he focuses all of his attention on you. It's like every time he's with you, he has a smile on his face."
"Really?" Buffy blushed. * How could I have missed this? Oh yeah! That's right1 I was too busy pawning over him myself. *
" Really. I don't think I've ever seen him this happy. YOU make him happy." Anya assured.

* He makes me happy too!*

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An hour later......

Spike had easily found a parking spot in the to of the Sunnydale Mall. He had been thinking about what he and Xander talked about the entire ride over. he just couldn't shake it.

* Could she really love me? I know I'm crazy for her but could she really want to be with me?* he thought as he entered the place he hated the most.

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Buffy had been thinking about what Anya had told her. She tried to force herself to not believe it but it was hopeless.

* Does he really want to be with me and more importantly, does he really love me? * she thought as she paid for her things at the check out counter in one of her favorite stores.

Buff didn't get a chance to splurge like she wanted to, due to the fact that her mind was somewhere else. She did, however, manage to pick up a dress for the party on Friday. She wanted to look her best for Will, even if it wasn't a date. It was his night and she wanted to look good.

" Well, I guess you didn't max out you credit card like I thought you would." a voice said from behind her. Buffy was so wrapped up in her own thoughts of Spike that she didn't noticed him behind her.
" Will? What are you doing here?" she was genuinely surprised buy happy that he was here. Suddenly, her excitement turned to fear. How was she supposed to act around him now that she knew how he 'felt'?
" I thought I'd swing by here and give you a lift back home. I figured that you would have lots of bags to carry." he answered smoothly when in reality he just wanted to see her and be close to her.
" Awe! That's sweet of you but as you can see I don't have much." she motioned to the bags at her feet.
" I see. Don't most girls usually buy out the mall when they shop?" Spike tease.
" Usually but then again I'm not most girls." Buffy flirted.
" No. You aren't" Spike agreed. They shared another one of there moments before Buffy broke the silence.
" I guess we can go."
" Ok but what about Red, Tara and Anya?" not to sound mean but Spike really didn't care about the whereabouts of those three. All that mattered was her. Since the day he had met her, it always seemed to be about her.
" Oh. They left along time ago. Tara and Will had to get back to class and Anya mentioned something about 'afternoon quickies'." she giggled.
" Well let's get out of here then."
" Let's."

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Chapter 12:

When the two of them reached the apartment, Spike's curiosity got the best of him and just had to know what she had purchased. Buffy just told him that she had bought her dress for Friday but she wouldn't, under any circumstances, show him what it looked like. He tried his puppy dog look and even bribed her with lots of ice cream and foot massages but she wouldn't even let him have a peep.

Finally, Friday night arrived and Spike was both nervous and excited. Buffy had been prepping herself the entire afternoon. When he joked about her taking this party too seriously, she said,

" This is your night to shine, Spike. I just want to look nice. Is that so wrong?" Buffy asked with a playful pout mainly because she knew he couldn't resist. Spike just gave her one of his glazed over looks, shook his head no and began to get ready for party himself.

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Seven o'clock rolled around and Buffy STILL wasn't ready to go yet. He was starting to get anxious. He nearly drove himself crazy thinking about the dress that she had purchase a few days before. He dreamed about it for peat’s sake. And boy were they good dreams.....

" Buffy, pet. I'm not trying to rush you or anything but HURRY UP!!" Spike yelled through her door. He turned and started walking back towards the living room but stopped when he heard the door open and her voice.
" Is that anyway to get a girl's attention?" Buffy question with a grin as she stepped out into the hallway.

Buffy was covered in a black, back out, ankle length dress that accentuated her in all the right places. Her make up was light but elegant and her hair was pulled up into a bun with tendrils of her hair framing her face. Spike had already knew that she was beautiful but WOW!

Buffy prayed that Spike liked the dress. Not matter she told herself, she had bought and wore it for him. His silence was making her uncomfortable. He just stared at her with his mouth slightly open. His stared were making her feel light headed.

" You might wanna close that. Flies might flies in and make a home." she joked gesturing to his mouth. spike seemed to snap out of it when he heard her voice.
" Oh! Right. Sorry. It's just-You look-Wow!" Spike stuttered out. He had never seen such a beauty.
" You really like it?" nervous Buffy was back.
" No, kitten. I bloody love it! You really look amazing." Spike assured. His mouth watered at the sight of her.
" You look pretty tasty yourself." Buffy smirked and then realized what she said. " I mean, you look really good." Spike was dressed in black slacks, a black tux type jacket and a white buttoned down shirt. The first two buttons were undone. His hair wasn't in it's usual gelled state and that made him look all the more sexy.
" Thanks, pet."
" I didn't mean to make you wait that long. Just wanted to look my best." she apologized.
" Don't worry. You were worth the wait and you do." Spike reached for her hand. " Well, let's get going then. Shall we?"
" We shall."

The couple made their way out of the apartment and headed for the car. Once they were situated, Buffy asked Spike a question that had been bugging her since she had found out about his job.

" What newspaper are you working for? You never mentioned it."
" I didn't? Huh. I guess you'll find out soon enough."
" I guess so."

The drive to the Sunnydale Plaza was met in comfortable silence with occupational glances at one another.

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Buffy pulled into a spot in front of the building got out, ran around to Buffy's side of the car and opened her door for her.

" Why thank you, kind sir!" Buffy replied in a proper Victorian voice.
" You're very welcome, m'lady." Spike grinned. He put his hand on the small of her back and led her towards the entrance. As soon as they got inside, they saw dozens of people chatting and dancing.
" Big turn out, huh?" Buffy said in Spike' ear over the loud music.
" Ya think!" he returned.

The walked around a bit before settling in a spot across from the bar.

" Do you want something to drink, pet?" Spike offered.
" Sure." she accepted. Spike smiled.
" I won't be long. Stay put."
" I'll be here."

Spike went to the bar and ordered two glasses of champagnes. He was very grateful that the bartender was quick with his order because he didn't want to be away from Buffy longer than he had to. Before he could return to his 'date', Angel's voice stopped him.

" You made it!" Angel greeted.
" I made it."
" Really glad you're here. Gotta lot of people wanting to meet you." he said.
" Is that so? Not to be a party pooper but I hope you don't think that I'll be trailing along after you all night." Spike quipped.
" /Does Willyboy have a date?" Angel teased back. Spike smiled slowly.
" As a matter a fact, I do."
" Well, let's meet the woman who's crazy enough to put up with you." Angel suggested.
" Ok. Follow me."

Buffy's back was turned away from Spike when he made his way back to her.

" Here's your drink, luv." he purred in her ear. He felt he jump slightly.
" Thanks."
" Buffy, I want you to meet the man kind enough to give me a chance at his paper. Buffy Summers, meet Angel Liam."

Buffy looked up at the man that Spike had just introduced to her.

* Oh God! No no no no no no! Please tell me this is not happening! Please tell me that my ex-boyfriend is not Spike's boss.* Buffy thought

" Angel."

 

Chapter 13:

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" Angel." Buffy couldn't believe that HE was Spike's boss. She hoped and prayed that she would never see Angel Liam again but unfortunately her prayers weren't answered.
" Buffy. Long time no see." Angel greeted, looking just as surprised as Buffy did. Neither one of them had expected to see one another again.
" The two of you know each other?" Spike asked even though he didn't need either of them to confirm his question. Buffy's facial expression told him everything that he needed to know. Angel didn't look too comfortable either.
" You could say that." Buffy replied cryptically. She certainly didn't want to get into her past with Angel. "How've you been." * Like I give a shit.*
" Work work work. You know me." Angel said smugly. He obviously forgot about the pain that he had put her through.
" Yeah. I do." Buffy answered. She knew EXACTLY who this man was and she didn't have the control she needed to be around him right now." Ummm...I need to use the ladies room. Will the two of you excuse me?" Buffy didn't wait for either of them to answer.

Buffy began walking away from the man who had hurt her long ago but was stopped when Spike had gently grabbed her hand. Buffy had forgot about his presence. She was so wrapped up in Angel's that she hadn't noticed her friends concern for her.

" Are you alright, luv?" he asked gently. He could tell that she was struggling with something.
" I'm fine, Will. I'll be right back." Buffy assured with a forced smile. Angel was watching the scene from behind. when he and Buffy's eyes locked, she felt cold chills go through her.
" Are you sure? Do you want me to come with you?" he offered.
" Will, I've been going to the ladies room alone before I met you. I think I can manage." Buffy responded dismissively. She noticed his hurt expression and realized that he was worried about her. He just wanted to make sure that she was okay. * God, Summers! Could you be more of a bitch?*

" I'll be okay, Will. I promise not to be long." she said softly, as she touched the hand that held her own. She gave him one more sincere smile and walked away.

Spike watched her as she made her way through the crowd. He wondered what had changed her mood so suddenly. He knew it was because of Angel but he couldn't figure out why. Getting information from Buffy seemed impossible at the moment so Spike hoped he could pry it out of Angel. When Spike turned around, however, Angel was no where in sight.

***************************************************************************

Buffy found the ladies room within minutes of leave Spike. She headed straight for the sink, thankful that no one seemed to be in there as well. She turned on the cold water and splashed cold water on her face. the cold liquid helped cool down her heated nerves. She couldn't believe the night's sudden turn of events.

* Angel is Will's boss. ANGEL, the man who took my innocence and walked away without a proper goodbye, is Will's boss. I cannot believe this. Just when things start looking up for me, Angel comes back into the picture.*

Buffy looked at herself in the mirror and had to fight the tears that threatened to fall. She didn't want to look like a wet rat and she really didn't want to worry William. Taking a few calming breaths, Buffy began to reapply her light make-up. She took one more long look in the mirror when she was done and said these comforting and reassuring words.

" You can do this, Buffy. Don't let Angel ruin your night with William. You CAN do this.”

She took one more deep breath and walked out the restroom to look for William. He was the reason that she was here after all.

***************************************************************************

Buffy walked around the large dinning hall in search of Will but didn't see him anywhere. He wasn't standing where she had left him. Luckily, she didn't see Angel either. The sooner she was near William, the better.

" I see Anya isn't the only one looking ravishing tonight." a familiar voice said from behind her. Buffy turned to find that Xander had came to the party as well.
" Xander! I didn't know you were gonna be here." Buffy said beaming. It was nice to see someone that she knew AND liked.
" I guess this was Spike's way of thanking me for getting him the job." he suggested. Buffy didn't know weather to be happy that Xander had been such a friend or upset that Will was gonna be working with her ex. She chose to overlook it. After all, Xander didn't know.
" Where's Anya?"
" She's-" he began.
" Right here" Anya cut in. Anya appeared from behind Xander in a blood red, knee length dress ,with a slit that showed off a enough cleavage to leave the guys at the party guessing. Her hair flowed down her shoulders and framed her face.
" Wow! Anya, you look really great." Buffy exclaimed.
" Don't I always." Xander rolled his eyes in response while Buffy just giggled. " You look great too, Buffy. I had no idea your breasts were that big!" she continued bluntly. Xander choked on his drink and Buffy just blushed.
" Thanks...I think." Buffy replied blankly, not really knowing how to respond to something like that.
" Where's Spike?" Xander asked.
" He's around here somewhere." she responded looking around for him.
" Have you met his boss, Angel, yet? Xander said.
" Yeah I met him." *Unfortunately.*
" He's really something, isn't he?"
" Yeah...he's something alright." Buffy answered with a tight smile. It took all her willpower not to gag.
" Did you think anymore about what I said earlier this week." Anya questioned, knowing full well that Buffy was gonna pretend like she didn't.
" You said a lot of things to me earlier this week. Wanna be more specific." Buffy freighted ignorance.
" Oh come on! How can you forget about me telling you that Spike was in love with you." Anya said, not caring that Xander was right beside her.
" Anya!" Buffy exclaimed with a hiss. She couldn't believe that she just did that. * Now he's gonna go back and tell Spike.*
" Oh please! Xander knows this just as much as I do." Anya waved off. Buffy was more than shocked at this information.
" He does? You do?"
" I may be a little slow sometimes but I'm not that off. A blind man could see the way Spike feels about you." Xander answered with a grin.
" Oh my God." Buffy groaned, placing her hands on her temples. * Could this get anymore complicated.*
" I know you want to tell him how you feel." Anya believed.
" Anya, friend of mine, this really isn't the time or place to be discussing such matters." Buffy stated calming even though she was steaming. Everything was just piling on her at one time.
" Fine fine. Just remember who to thank when he's giving you multiple orgasms all through the night." replied. Anya.
" Anya!" Buffy and Xander exclaimed at once.
" What?! It's not like I asked her to scream my name out during her climax. I'm just pointing out that a little recognition would be nice." Anya pushed. Buffy just stared at the blonde with a gaping mouth. This was too much.
" I'm gonna go...away." Buffy returned and left before anymore could be said. Xander sighed and shook his head.
" What did I do?" Anya asked seriously.
" I think we need to have that talk about thinking before you speak." Xander answered and began to do just that.

***************************************************************************

Buffy had been gone too long. Spike hoped that she was okay. He even went around describing her to others, hoping that they had seen her.

* I wonder if she left. Maybe she just went home.* he thought sadly.

Before his thoughts could process any further a familiar song sounded throughout the room.....

***************************************************************************

Buffy couldn't find Spike anywhere. She had circled the room twice and didn't see him anywhere. When she thought she would give up and go back to Anya and Xander, a slow tune sounded and her heart sank.

You spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for the break that would make it okay.

Not because of the song but because everyone was pairing up and heading out on the dance floor. She looked to the center of the area and saw Angel hugged up with a short blonde.

* I need some air.* she thought before spotting the balcony and heading for it.


There's always some reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day

***************************************************************************

Spike was just about to give up when he noticed her across the room. It looked as if she had been searching for him as well and that made his heart swell at the thought. He tried moving through the crowd of people but stopped in his tracks when he saw her facial expression. She looked as if she was about to cry. He also noticed that her attention wasn't focus on him. It was focused on Angel....


I need some distraction or beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty oh and weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight

**************************************************************************

Buffy took a much needed breath as soon as she reached the balcony. She forced herself not to cry. Angel wasn't with her anymore, not that she wanted him to be but it still hurt to see him acting like she didn't even matter. Just like old times. She could still hear the music even though she had closed the balcony doors when she came outside.

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you feel.

Buffy loved this song and always wondered what it would be like to dance with someone to it. She wished that she could be held by her angel for once. She thought that that person had been Angel but she was wrong.

" There you are." Spike's deep voice pulled her out of her thoughts. Buffy turned with a gasp. She didn't even hear the door open.
" Here I am." she stated the obvious. The nearness of him was making her nervous (in a good way, of course!)
" I've been looking all over for you. Are you alright?" Spike asked but still stayed where he was. he just took her in. She looked so beautiful bathed in the moon light.

You are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

" I guess I needed some air. It was starting to get crowded in there." she answered quietly, not bothering to tell him that she had been looking for him too. He slowly moved toward her like a cat on the prowl. When he was finally in front of her, she practically feel the heat pulling off of him.
" Are you sure you're okay?" he questioned once more with a tilt of his head and a look that sent warm shivers down Buffy's spine.
" I'm fine. I'm good." she lied and it killed her. Wasn't she the one who said that they should always be honest with one another. But how could she tell him? It hurt too much to even think about it.
" Good. I was starting to think that you didn't want to be here." Spike said, still keeping her gaze.
" I wouldn’t have come if I didn't want to be here." she assured. " I want to be here."
" With me?" Spike had no idea what had possess him to asked that but he had to know. Buffy's eyes widen a little in response but her answer wasn't at all hesitant.
" With you."

So tired of the straight line that everywhere
you turn there's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting you keep on building
the lies that make up for all that you lack.

" I love this song." Buffy spoke in after a few moments in silence. Spike smiled softly.
" Yeah. I like it too." pause. " Would you like to dance with me?"
" Out here?!"
" Why not? We can still hear the music. Come on, luv. Live dangerously." he chuckled. He held out his hand and without a moment's pause, Buffy placed her own inside of it.

It don't make no difference
escaping one last time
It's easier to believe , in this sweet madness
oh this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

Spike held her close to his body and rocked with her slowly, matching the rhythm of the song. It felt so good having her there. It was like she fit him perfectly. His hand rested on the small of her back while his other held her hand gently in his. He took in her scent and got lost in the smell of her. She smelled of roses. He could've stayed that way forever.
Buffy was finding it hard to breath. Never had dancing with a man become so intense and intimate. She could hear his breathing and feel his heartbeat. The way his skin (the part that she could actually feel) felt on his was almost too much. Everything that had dragged her mood down was forgotten for the moment. All she knew was him. All she wanted was him.

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark, cold, hotel room
and the endlessness that you feel.

" I'm glad you let me tag along with you tonight." Buffy said almost in a whisper.
" The pleasure was all mine, kitten." spike purred. Buffy pulled back a little from his chest so she could see his eyes.
" Really?"
" Of course. I love being around you. Being with you makes life bearable. Everything's not as hard or painful. When I'm with you, everything else just-"
" Fades away." Buffy finished softly.
" Yeah. Exactly." Spike just stared into her eyes and saw that she felt the same way that he did. She understood where he was coming from. Because he didn't want to ruin the intimate moment that they shared, Spike just pulled her close to his chest once more and finished the rest of the dance.

You are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

The song ended soon after that but the duo didn't want to pull apart from one another. It felt wrong some how to be apart from each other. It felt incomplete.....

" Buffy...." Spike said softly looking deep within her green orbs.
" Will...." she whispered.

The two of them leaned in, welcoming the kiss that was sure to follow. Too bad Xander and Anya had other plans.

" I see you two found each other." Xander interrupted. Spike and Buffy pulled back slowly and turned to look at the couple that had disturbed their heaven. Glares were printed plainly on their faces.
" Oooh! Did we interrupt something?" Anya asked with a smirk. She knew that they had but wanted to see how Buffy and Spike would respond.
" No. We were just dancing." Buffy reluctantly pulled out of his embrace and took a step back from him.
" Yeah. We were just dancing." Spike agreed, knowing that if Xander and Anya had walked out a few seconds later, it would've been more than just dancing.
" Uh huh." both Anya and Xander replied.
" We should probably go back inside." Buffy suggested. She knew that the moment was lost....for now.
" Actually, we were thinking that we blew this place. It's kind of boring." Anya retorted.
" She meant boring in a nice way." Xander corrected.
" No I didn't." Anya shot back.
" No, it's okay; we can go. You ready?" Spike questioned Buffy. They shared an intimate stare before she answered.
" Always."

***************************************************************************
 

Chapter 14:

When Spike suggested that they go thank Angel for the invite to the party, Buffy just said that she would be waiting in the car. Spike didn't push her to do otherwise. He just said that he'd be there in a moment. He watched her practically run out of the place to get to the car.

" Hey, Peaches." Spike greeted. Angel gave him his attention.
" Willy, how goes it? You enjoying yourself?" Angel asked.
" Yeah. Everyone's great but I think I'm gonna call it a night. Thanks for the invite though."
" No prob. I guess I'll see you on Monday." Angel responded.
" Looking forward to it." Spike grinned and started to head for the direction of where Buffy just left but Angel stopped him with this:
" Do me a favor and tell Buffy that it was really nice seeing her again."
Spike hesitated before answering. " Sure, mate. I'll tell 'er."

***************************************************************************

The car ride home was made in silence. Usually, the silence was comfortable but this time it was filled with tension and unsaid words. Spike wanted so badly to know what happened with Buffy and Angel. It had to be something big, he figured because Buffy looked pretty upset. He didn't want to corner her or make her feel like he was pushing her into telling him. After all, it wasn't any of his business but for some reason he felt like he had to protect her.

" You never mentioned how you and Angel knew one another." Spike finally spoke casually.
" We..sighs....we went to high school together." Buffy answered. Part of her wanted to tell him everything but the bigger part that told her to shut up won. * He'd only pity you, Summers. You don't need his pity.*
" Something tells me that it was more than that, luv." Spike guessed as he pulled in to his parking spot in front of their home.
" Of course it's more than that. Nothing is ever that simple, especially when it comes to my life." Buffy replied, not meeting Spike gaze. She sighed once more before exiting the car.
Spike knew that the conversation was over for now. If he wanted to know about her past with Angel, he was just gonna have to give her time. As far as the kiss that almost happened earlier that night, Spike was dying to know what her thoughts were and didn't think that he could wait to find out.

***************************************************************************

They quietly entered the apartment. Silence was the only thing that passed between them. Buffy wanted to tell him everything but she couldn't. It hurt to much to form in to words what Angel had done.

" I'm gonna go to bed." she announced softly. Buffy was anything but tired. She could tell that Spike was disappointed and she knew why. Not only had Angel showed up but her and Spike had almost kissed. Spike wanted answers but Buffy wasn't ready to provide him with them yet. She was clueless herself.
" Ummm...okay." Spike wanted to talk a little about what had almost happened but could tell that she wasn't gonna give him the chance.
" I had a really great time tonight, Will." Buffy replied. She wanted to end the night on good terms. After all, it wasn't his fault.
" I'm glad, luv."
" Thank you for such a wonderful evening." she continued.
" I should be thanking you. I would have probably been bored out of my mind if you hadn't have came." Spike smiled shyly. With that smile, Buffy forgot all about Angel and how wrong he did her. All that mattered, at the moment, was Spike's smile.
" Then I guess it's a good thing that I came along and save you from that boredom." Buffy flirted with a smile of her own.

Spike was glad to see her smile. He didn't remember her smile at all the entire night. It made him feel ten times better that he was the cause of it.

" Goodnight, Will" she whispered.
" Goodnight, Buffy."

Just when Spike thought that Buffy couldn't be more of a surprise, she proved him wrong. She walked over to him slowly and gave him gentle kiss on the lips. Before anything could be said, she was already in her room for the night.

"Goodnight indeed."

***************************************************************************

For the next couple of weeks, Buffy did everything that she could to make William believe that she was okay. In reality, him working for Angel was making her very uncomfortable. Whenever he'd call, Buffy wouldn't even say hi. She'd just give Will the phone and leave the room. Whenever Angel would invite them out to eat, Buffy would make up some excuse about having to work. She even stooped as low as saying that she had plans with Willow. Willow wasn't too happy about being apart of Buffy's little white lie.

" You can't hide from him forever, Buffy." Willow replied.
" I thought you hated Angel. I thought that you were on my side." Buffy pouted.
" I am on your side but I wasn't talking about Angel." at Buffy dumbfounded expression, Willow clarified. " I'm talking about Spike. You can't keep lying to him like this. Wasn't it you who said that the two of you should always be honest with one another? He needs to know the truth about you and Angel. "
" But I-" Buffy tried but Willow wasn't having it.
" I'm not saying that you have to give him all of the hurtful details. I'm just saying you should-" sighs " Don't lie to him, Buffy."


Buffy knew that Willow was right. She did hate lying to Will but how could she tell him the truth? Would he understand? Would he feel sorry for her? Would he think that she was acting immature? Buffy didn't know what to think but she knew that Willow was right. She had to tell William the truth. It was only fair.

* He once trusted me enough to tell me about a hard breakup of his own. I should trust him enough to do the same.* Buiffy thought.

" I’ll tell him tonight. I'll tell him everything tonight."

***************************************************************************

Spike knew that Buffy was acting strange. She'd thought that she could put it passed him and act normal but Spike saw right through it all. Whenever Angel wanted to treat the two of them out, Buffy was 'conveniently' busy. Spike could never talk to Buffy about work. That would mean that he would have to mention Angel and whenever Spike mentioned Angel, Buffy would get quiet and distant.

Spike couldn't take it anymore. He had to know what was the problem between the two of them or he at least had to stop Buffy from acting the way she was. Angel was staring to notice a pattern with Buffy's excuses and Spike was starting to look stupid. He didn't want to let this interfere with his job because it was a really great job. He'd been waiting his whole career to get the kind of freedom he got working for Angel and he wasn't gonna let Buffy's past with Angel ruin that.

So...Spike came up with a plan..

***************************************************************************

Buffy took a deep breath before entering the apartment. She was going to tell him everything and their dinner tonight would be a perfect opportunity to get everything out on the table.

There was only one problem....

Angel was sitting at the dinner table.

* Oh balls.*
 

Chapter 15:

Have you ever been so shocked that all of the air was sucked out of you? Did your surroundings feel like they were spinning around you? Was there ever a time when you wanted to disappear into nothing? Buffy felt all of these things. Angel was in HER home, sitting at HER dinner table, about to eat HER food.

Was this bazzaro world?

Did she fall into some backward dimension?

Why in the hell was Angel here?

And more importantly, where the hell was William???

***************************************************************************

" Hello, Buffy." Angel greeted softly. He could tell by her expression that she was more than a little surprised to see him.
" Hey." Buffy returned, not really meeting his eyes. "What are you doing here?" *And when are you leaving?*
" Will invited me over for dinner. I didn't think you would mind." Angel shifted in his seat.
" I don't!" she lied. " I was just...surprised. He didn't tell me that we were having company."
" I guess he wanted to pay me back for the times that I had treated him out to dinner." short pause. " Too bad you were so busy to tag along, by the way." Angel knew that she wasn't busy but he understood why she lied. If he were in her position, he would have lied to.
" Yeah. When you gotta work , you gotta work." Buffy replied with a forced smile.

Buffy prayed that Will would walk in and save her. Tears were beginning to prick the corners of her eyes so she decided to go look for him herself. Without a word to Angel she headed towards the back of the apartment in search for Will.

***************************************************************************

Spike was changing shirts when Buffy found him. She had to stop herself from drooling over his chiseled abs. Buffy forced herself to remember that she was pissed at his attempt of getting her and her ex on good terms. He must have thought she was Angel when she knocked on the door.

" This sauce is a bitch to get out, mate. You ever-" Spike cut off abruptly when he saw that it was Buffy and not Angel. "Buffy. You're home."
" What the hell is Angel doing here?" Buffy cut right to the chase with a pissed of expression but Spike wasn't one to be intimidated.
" I thought it would be nice to invite him over after all that he's done for me over the last couple of weeks." Spike shrugged as he buttoned up his clean, black shirt.
" So you've been planning this for a while then?" Buffy questioned.
" I guess."
" When were you gonna run it by me?" she hissed.
" I didn't think I had to. This is my apartment too and he's my boss." he shot back and then sighed deeply. " Look, I don't know what went on with the two of you. It's not like you tell me anything anymore."

Buffy didn't have anything to say that would prove Spike wrong. She had been distant since the night of the party. She was always quiet and complained about being too tired whenever Spike tried to talk to her. Buffy didn't mean to do that to him but it was the only way that she could deal without letting him get to close.

" but if you feel uncomfortable with him here, I'll-" Spike offered hoping that he wouldn't have to leave. Buffy gave in.
" No, Will. Don't worry. It's okay. I mean, you already finished cooking dinner and he's already here. I’ll just deal." Buffy sighed out but she didn’t want to deal with Angel.
" Will you stay?" Spike asked hoping that she would. Buffy looked at his hopeful expression. How could she say no to that face. How could she deny him anything.
" Yeah, Will....I'll stay."

***************************************************************************

The first fifteen minutes of dinner were the most uncomfortable fifteen minutes of Buffy's existence. Parts of her wanted to run out of the room in tears and others wanted to stay and glare at the man that had hurt her so. Both choices sounded appealing but William was the only reason why she didn't act on either of them.

" Spike tells me that your working at your mom's gallery. How's that going?"

Buffy was taken back by this. * Angel's been asking about me? William's been talking about me?*

" Ummm...it's going great. It's like I never left." Buffy answered. * Maybe he's changed.*
" That's good. You were always great at the art thing." Angel replied not noticing Buffy's eyes narrowing at what he said.
" Yeah. I'm doing just great with the art thing." Buffy said in between clenched teeth, as she stabbed at her salad. She wished that she was stabbing at Angel's nether regions instead. * Art thing? Art thing?!!!*

Spike noticed Buffy's glare towards Angel. His plan wasn't going as he wanted it to. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

* You're just figuring that out, mate? Smooth move, Spike. She looks as if she wants to kill the man."

"So you and Buffy went to high school together, huh? That must have been neat." Spike cut in, not realizing that he'd just opened up a can of worms. Buffy still continued to glare at Angel.
" Not really." she grounded out. " So tell me Angel. Was the job in New York everything you thought it'd be?" Buffy questioned while putting her fork down. She wasn't hungry to begin with.
" Buffy-" Angel tried but Buffy wouldn't back down.
" That was a dumb question. I mean, if the job turned out to be everything you dreamed it would, you'd still be there."
" Buffy, don't do this." Angel warned. Spike was at a loss for words. He didn't know what to do. All he could do was watch with fear and interest.
" Don't do what, Angel?" Buffy replied innocently. She risked a glance at Spike. " Are you worried that Spike will find out about us? Are you afraid that you're angelic-like reputation will ruined once he knows what you did?" Tears were threatening to spill over.
" I'm sorry." Angel whispered. Buffy chuckled humorlessly in response and got up from her seat at the table.
" That's one thing that I can agree with you on. You are sorry." Buffy grabbed her jacket and headed for the door. " You're a sorry son of a bitch and I wish I never met you." Buffy barked and stormed out of the apartment.

Spike watched everything as it unfolded and cursed himself for what he thought would be a great plan. All he managed to accomplished was hurting Buffy. Angel wasn't the only one who shared the blame in Buffy's pain.

***************************************************************************

Chapter 16:

***************************************************************************

" I better go after her." Angel replied after Buffy's heated departure.
" I don't think that's such a good idea, mate. I don't think you're a favorite person right now." countered Spike. the Buffy that just stormed out of there was not the Buffy that ANYONE wanted to mess with.
" That's the understatement of the century. She hates my frickin' guts." Angel shot back.
" Well, have you given her reason not to? I mean, what the hell did you do to 'er anyway?" Spike questioned, hoping that he'd get an answer. He was tired of being left in the dark, especially when Buffy was involved.
" If she hasn’t' t told you yet," sighs deeply. " I think it's better is she tells you herself."
" Better for who? Her or You?" Spike inquired with narrowed eyes. * Just what the hell did you do to her?*.
" I hurt her." he answered softly as if that answer alone was supposed to quench Spike's interest. " I hurt her real bad." his Angel's head was bowed and he looked ashamed. Spike was starting to feel sorry for him.
" Angel-" Spike tried.
" You should probably go find her." Angel cut in as her stood and walked to the door.
" Yeah. Don't really have a bead on where she could be. Willow's spending the weekend at Tara's and Any is visiting her sister in Vegas. Buff could be anywhere."
" You'll find her." Angel assured. He then opened the door.
" I don't think she wants to be found." Spike disagreed. Angel turned around, looked Spike dead in the eye and said,
" You'll find her." and then he was gone.

Angel knew how Spike felt for Buff. The constant mentioning of her name wasn't the only thing that tipped him off though. It was pretty obvious that Spike was falling for her and Angel, surprisingly, wasn't jealous. He knew that his chance with Buff was shot to hell. He just wanted Buff to be happy. She deserved it.

***************************************************************************

Spike set out to find his roommate. The Bronze, Starbuck's and even the library were just some of the places that Spike looked. Buffy wasn't near any of them. He had tried calling her cell but she had turned it off.

* Stubborn bint.* Spike thought with a growl.

Just when he thought all hope was lost in finding her, he realized that there was one more place that he hadn't checked yet.

***************************************************************************

The winter here is cold and bitter
Chills us to the bone
I haven't seen the sun for weeks
to long too far from home

She just had to open her big mouth. She couldn't just set her emotions aside for one dinner. Instead, she let her emotions get the best of her. She let Angel see how much he had hurt her and that was something that she swore she'd never do if she ever saw him again.

Even though Angel had deserved every word Buffy spat at him, she was still ashamed of the way she acted in front of Spike. He shouldn't have found out like that. Granted, the entire truth wasn't told.

* This is all Angel's fault. If he had just stayed away, things would be perfect. I'd be fine. I wouldn't feel like my heart was breaking all over again.*

I feel just like I'm sinking
and I claw for solid ground
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
oh darkness I feel like letting go

Running away from eh situation probably wasn't the brightest idea either but Buffy never did like a confrontation. She knew that someone would eventually come looking for her. She just hoped that that 'someone' wasn't Angel.

If all of the strength and all
of the courage come and lift me
from this place
I know I can love you much better than this
full of grace
full of grace
My love

Waves crashed upon waves. The gently lit moon was just enough light to cast Buffy's surrounding in a comfortable glow. the beach was Buffy's own little hide out. She came here whenever she wanted to escape. It never mattered what she was trying to hide from, just as long as she didn't have to deal with the situation.

The day Buffy's mom died, no one could find Buffy anywhere. The searched high and low but came up with nothing. Buffy figured the beach would be the perfect place to go since she didn't expect no one to look for her there. She wasn't ready to deal with the loss of her mother so she sat in the sand, facing the ocean and 'escaped' for a while. When she did finally come home, (hours later) she broke down in tears and didn't stop until she was all cried out. to this day, no one knows that she went to the beach. Even Willow was still clueless.

So it's better this way, I said
having seen this place before
and everything we say and do
hurts us all the more

It’s just that we stay too long
In the same old sickly scheme
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could fell so low
In all darkness I feel like letting go

* Why do the always leave? What is it about me that screams 'short-term relationship'? What’s wrong with me?*

" I think the real question is what's wrong with them?" a voice interrupted.

***************************************************************************

It didn't take long for Spike to get to the beach. he was 99.9% sure that Buff would be there. For one thing, he had checked every bleeding place in Sunnydale. He also remembered times when he'd go to the beach to get away from it all.

When he saw her, he had to stop himself from running up to her and comforting her right away. He didn't wasn’t to scare her into another chase. Buff’s back was turned away from him, which prevented him from seeing her face but somehow Spike knew that she had been crying.

He just watched her.

The way the moonlight played across her skin and how the wind blew her golden hair in the night breeze. She was perfect. Before he could give this anymore thought, however, a soft saddened voice was heard.

" Why do they always leave? What is it about me that just screams 'short-term relationship? What's wrong with me?"

Spike's heart broke at this. How could anyone leave her? How could anyone not want her? She was beautiful, smart and funny. If anything, the wankers who had left her were the ones with the problem.

" I think the real question is what’s wrong with them?"

***************************************************************************

Buffy didn't even have to turn around to know who was behind her. She felt his presence even before he spoke. She could always tell when he was near. It was like a sixth sense that she had somehow developed. Apart of her was relieved that he was there. She needed someone to confide in but not just anyone.

She needed him.

Buff needed Spike.

Once again, however, the bigger part of her that was afraid to face him won the internal battle. What did he think of her now?

" What are you doing here?" she questioned with a sigh. he back was still turned away from him.
" Looking for you, luv. I was worried about you." Spike answered softly as he sat down next to her. Buff still wouldn't look at him.
" How'd you find me?"
" I have my ways." Spike answered cryptically, hoping she'd take the bait. She did. Buffy turned and looked at him with an expression that said something along the lines of 'Please‘. “ Okay okay. I took a luck guess."
" And of all places you could have guessed, you chose the beach?" Buffy asked with a slight grin.
" What can I say?....I know you." Spike returned.

Buffy took in this bit of information. did he really know her? Sometimes it felt as if she didn't even know herself. How could Spike possibly know who she was?

Spike tried to hold her gaze as long as possible but failed. Buffy turned her attention back to the view in front her. *At least she's not shutting me out. *

" I' would have come home eventually, you know. I just needed-" she began to explain but Spike cut her off.
" I know. When you gotta get away you gotta get away." Spike chose to ignore the event between her and Angel for the time being. He would leave that up to her to bring up. Buffy didn't disappoint him.
" I guess the cat's out of the bag about me and Angel's past." she sighed. " I'm sorry you had to witness that."
" It's okay. I'm not even sure what I witnessed." Spike shrugged. Buffy turned her gaze back to him with a look of surprise.
" You mean Angel didn't tell you about what happened?" she asked.
" Nope. He thought it would be best if that was left up to you." he answered. Buffy let out a bitter laugh in response.
" Why am I not surprised? That's just like Angel to take the coward's way out of everything. Bastard." she hissed. Spike didn't protest or agree. He just listened. " I guess I should probably tell you then."
" No pressure, pet. It's none of my business."
" Yes it is." Buffy argued with a facial expressing that left no room for arguments from Spike. " You once shared a painful memory of your own when you barely even knew me. I think it's time that I returned the favor."
" Buffy-" Spike began to protest.
" Even if this isn't any of your business, I have to talk about this with someone. I have to get this all off my chest. No one knows what REALLY happened." she interrupted.
" Not even Willow?" Spike questioned with shock. * Those two tell each other everything.*
" Not even Willow." Buffy concluded. Spike just stared at her and Buffy was suddenly afraid that he didn't want to hear what she had to say. " You don't have to listen if-"
" I'm all ears, luv."
" Are you sure? I mean, I wouldn't want to waste your time with all this drama." she laughed timidly. Spike took her hand in his and squeezed it reassuringly.
" I've always got time for you, Buffy. Got all the time in the world." Spike vowed. Buffy chose to put that little piece of information on hold until later. She took a deep breath and began to tell the tale.

" Well, you already knew that me and Angel went to the same high school. What you didn't know was that he and I dated during that time." she began. Spike just listened. " Angel was in the graduating class before me. He was the big man on campus. Not only was he the most popular guy in school but he was also the reason why Sunnydale High had the most successful student newspaper." at Spike's blank expression, Buffy clarified. " Angel was the editor. I hate to admit it but he was amazing. He knew just what to write to get everyone's attention. He knew just what to say. I guess that's what attracted me to him in the first place."

Spike clenched his jaw at Buffy's last few sentences. He had always been a jealous man so it was no surprise that he was having a hard time controlling the fire that burned inside him. To know that Buffy once was attracted to Angel made his skin boil.

" Yet, to this day, I can't figure out why Angel was attracted to me. I was only a sophomore when we met. I want' popular and I had never had anything resembling a boyfriend."
" You mean Angel was-" Spike was sure she was joking.
" My first everything. First kiss, first date....first lover." Buffy finished the last to words in an embarrassed whisper but Spike heard her very well. This seemed to make his jaw clench tighter.

Spike could barely stand that Angel was involved with her at all but to know that Angel was the first man to ever touch her, kiss her or....make love to her made it so much worse. Spike won over his envy. This wasn't about him at the moment. He swallowed his rage.

" So...what happened?" he asked patiently.
" We happened. Angel and I-sighs-I loved him so much." Buff admitted softly, pray that she wouldn't cry.
" but it wasn't enough, was it?" Spike questioned gently. Buff looked at him and gave a weak smile.
" It's never enough."


Seven years ago....Buff’s junior year of high school.


Buff knew that Angel was hiding something. She hadn't spoken to him in days. Usually, she was okay with this considering that the paper took up so much of his free time but this time it was different. Not even a week earlier...Buff slept with Angel and now it was like he was purposely ignoring her. Wasn’t this supposed to be a time where they couldn’t get enough of one another? She thought that sleeping with Angel would better things. Not that he had put that thought in her head or anything. Buffy was more than ready to take that next step. She wanted to be closer to him. If anything, Buffy felt as far from him as possible.

When Buff would come by Angel's place, he was never there and his machine was the only answer she got every time she called him. He hadn't been to any of his classes (at least any of the classes that he had with her) and for some reason none of Angel's friends would tell her anything. Buffy, however, knew that that knew what was going on with Angel. And soon, she would too.

Enough was Enough....


Buffy boldly made her way over to Angel's apartment. She had never been more thankful that Angel moved out of his parents home the summer before. She didn't want to cause a scene if things got ugly. Luckily, the door was unlocked when she he came in. She could barely contain her anger at how dismissive he was being with her.

" Angel! Angel, are you here?" Buffy saw no sign of him in the living room so she decided to check the bedroom. "Angel, are you in-" Buffy trail off when she finally made it to Angel's room. What she saw was the last thing that she expected to find.

Angel was standing in the middle of his bedroom with conversating with a UHAUL employee.

(A/N Angel's not a cheater in this fic guys!)

What the hell?

"Angel?" Buffy repeated nervously as she stood in the doorway of his bedroom. Angel looked over towards her and his eyes widened in surprise.
" Buffy. Hey." he greeted timidly.
" Hey yourself." she returned. * Is that all he has to say to me? 'Hey'? What the hell is going on with him?*
" Are we finished here?" the UHAUL guy questioned, not paying Buffy one bit of attention.
" Yeah, we're done. You can come by and pick it all up tomorrow." Angel answered quietly, hoping that Buffy didn't here but she did.
*Is he moving or something? He would tell me something like that.*
" You got it, man. Is noon okay for you?"
" Yeah, it's fine. Thanks." Angel and the guy shook hands before the man left the room. Instead of going over and giving Buffy a hug like she expected him to do, he started folding the clothes that cover his bed and began putting them in boxes.

Buffy was beyond confused. Angel didn't look like he was happy to see her. In fact, he looked quite nervous. She was without a doubt sure that something was wrong.

" Is everything okay?" asked Buffy.
" Why would anything be wrong?" Angel returned with a question of his own.
" Why would anything be wrong?" Buffy repeated incredulously. " I don't know. Maybe the fact that I haven't spoken to you in almost a week would be what's wrong."
" I've been busy." his back was still turned.
" Too busy to even pick the damn phone and say 'hi'? No one is THAT busy, Angel. Cut the bullshit and tell me what's going on. You're scaring me." Buffy exclaimed. Angel exhaled through his nose and finally turned to face her. It was then that Buffy noticed he had had no emotion whatsoever in his eyes.
" Buffy, I think we need to talk." Angel responded. Buffy did not like the sound of that.
" Talk? Talk about what-And why is all of your stuff in boxes." Buffy was just now realizing her surroundings. Most of Angel's clothes were dumped on the floor in piles, all of his belongings on his nightstand and dresser were removed and his tv and stereo set were gone.
" Buffy-" Angel began
" What is all this?" Buffy inquired, afraid of what his answer was gonna be. She knew that whatever he was going to say was sure to change her life forever. ....And she was right.
" I'm leaving."


All the air seemed to be sucked out of Buffy's body. It was as if her heart stopped beating and she couldn't breath. Buffy had to rewind those two words in her mind couple of times before she could react.

* He's leaving? How? What? Why? I don't understand!*

" What?" she croaked out, not wanting to believe a word of it.
" I'm leaving." he repeated.
" I-I-I don't understand. Why? What's wrong? Did something happ-" Buffy stumbled out.
" No. Nothing is wrong. In fact, everything is great. Perfect even." Angel interrupted with a smile. Buffy was confused.
" Then why are you leaving?" she asked.
" Do you remember that reporter from New York that visited me a couple of months ago?"
" Yeah but-"
" He writes for the New York Times. Get this: He offered me a job."
" What?" Buffy's head was spinning.
" He offered me a job.. Yep. He said his boss loved my work and had to had to have me writing for him." Angel beamed, not knowing that Buffy's anger and pain was building quickly.
" So you're leaving?" she asked again.
" Yep. Plane leaves first thing tomorrow morning." Angel answered. Buffy's breathing was coming in short pants. Her body temperature was starting to rise. Angel didn't seem to notice.
" What about your graduation? I mean-" Buffy couldn't believe that this was happening. She almost had the urge to pinch herself.
" Oh don't worry about that. Principle Snyder agreed to mail it to me later this summer." Angel cut in. It was then that Buffy realized a horrible and painful truth.
" So you planned this?"
" Of course not. I didn't think that the editor of the New York Times would like my work but when he called me two weeks ago and made the offer, I started planning everything." Angel was still grinning from ear to ear. Buffy just stared at him wide-eyed.

*He knew! He knew this whole time. How could he do this to me?!!* her brain cried.

" You son of a bitch." she hissed The grin that seemed to have glued itself to his face faltered a little bit.
" Huh?"
" You knew. All this time you knew and you didn't say a word. Even before you and I-You knew and you didn't tell me."
" Buffy-" Angel tried to soothe her by moving close to envelope her in a hug but Buff wasn’t having it.
" Don't touch me." she spat and evaded his grasp. Angel sighed and shook his head.
" I thought you'd be happy for me."
" Happy for you?! YOU LIED TO ME!" she cried. " You used me." she finished in a whisper.
" No, Buffy. I didn't-"
" Yes you did. You had it already made up in your mind that you were leaving. It didn't matter what I wanted or how I felt. It didn't matter what we shared together. None of it mattered." Tears were spilling from Buffy's eyes now. Wiping them away didn't seem to do any good. They just continued to fall.
" Come on, Buffy. This is an opportunity of a lifetime for me. I know you don't expect me to just give it up for you." Angel shut himself off when he realized what he had just said but it was too late the damage had already been done.

It was no use denying it now. This was really happening. Buffy didn't know what to say. She wanted to scream at him. She even had the urge to throw something at him but she didn't have the strength. There was only one thing left to do. Buffy blinked away a few tears, turned around and left. And the sad part was, Angel didn’t even come after her.

If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I can love you much better than this

It’s better this way…..


 

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